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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  April 4, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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>> announcer: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- jake gyllenhaal, yahya abdul-mateen ii eiza gonzález plus music from alt-j with cleto and the cletones and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. the rightful host of the show. i have returned. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. if you were expecting jimmy fallon again, i'm sorry. he went home. we had a great weekend.
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you may have seen or heard jimmy fallon and i swapped shows for april fools. he came here, i went to new york. we didn't tell anyone. the audience was surprised. people watching at home were confused mostly. these are tweets from people who were watching at home. "what is jimmy kimmel doing on jimmy fallon's show?" "wtf... where is jimmy kimmel he's not on channel 11. and where is jimmy fallon, he's on channel 2." "well either i'm -- up drunk or jimmy fallon is hosting 'jimmy kimmel live.' i know i had a few too many beerritas but this is ridiculous." "this jimmy fallon/kimmel april fools prank has made me realize it's very strange we have two incredibly prominent adult men in entertainment who go by 'jimmy,' not 'james.'" well, i can't argue with that. i have to tell you, it's a very different scene over at 30 rock, where they do "the tonight show." guillermo, you're not gonna believe this. over there, the security guards in new york actually do security. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: good for them, jimmy. i like t have fun. >> jimmy: that's right. there is so much history in that building too. we have none.
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over the johnny carson, david letterman, john belushi, they all worked in that building. or studio in l.a. was a disco and a heroin needle exchange. theirs is a four seasons. ours is a motel 6. let's put it that way. they're gucci, we're baby gap. they are a filet mignon we are a cold arby's beef and cheddar. i flew home yesterday. i guess we were lucky to get home. thousands of flights were canceled over the weekend because of technology issues and thunderstorms in florida, which is wreaking havoc on plans for spring break. a third of all spirit airlines flights were canceled yesterday. and the only thing worse than your flight on spirit being canceled is your spirit flight not being canceled. they should just call it "spit" airlines. and leave it at that. but there is still plenty of fun to be had in the sunshine state. if you can get there. this teenager from jupiter, florida got up close and personal with a great white shark.
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>> run, great white! that is the sickest thing ever! >> that's nick bally, seconds after he saw a shark he'd never seen before. nick immediately flipped on his camera for what was both one of the best and most disappointing experiences of his life. >> after i looked at the video, i realized, man, i was so close to it. i really wish this could happen again and i could touch it. tha would have been so cool. >> the very next day, nick saw another great white, this time off the coast of jupiter. he reached out and grabbed the great white's tail. >> i touched a great white! >> jimmy: nick is a dip [ bleep ]. [ applause ] i mean, i don't know. is it bad that i kind of wanted the shark to eat nick? you know, last night at the grammys, big stars of music were in las vegas to receive trophies. justin bieber was there wearing
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the same suit the kid who played young tom hanks at the end of the movie "big" wore. it wasn't exactly oscars, but there were memorable moments. doja cat nearly missed her acceptance speech, because she was using the bathroom. see? this is why they need litter boxes under the seats. i've said it a million times. ukrainian president zelensky made an appearance on the grammys. he gave a heartfelt address to the grammys audience saying -- "the silence of ruined cities and killed people. what is more opposite to music?" which is profound. what is more opposite to music? i thought he was going say nickelback, which would have been a sick burn. but this was better. keep it focused. meanwhile in washington, judge ketanji brown could and should be confirmed to the supreme court by the end of the week. [ cheering and applause ] she made it out of the senate judiciary committee, and now advances to the sweet sixteen. or maybe i've been watching too much basketball. i don't know. throughout the hearings republicans have been trying to paint jackson as soft on crime and irreparably "woke."
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none more so than senator marsha blackburn from tennessee. she's the one who asked the judge to define the word "woman." she was very proud of herself and weighed in on this important non-issue again this afternoon. >> in the time since judge jackson sat before this committee, disney has eliminated saying boys and girls. the state department announced you can select x as a gender on your passport. the left has slowly but surely stripped words of their meaning in an attempt to eliminate dissent. and the latest victim of this campaign is the word "woman." >> jimmy: you know the people i'm trying to set back 50 years? those are the victims of this campaign. maybe be less worried about the word "woman" and pay more attention to the people who are them. i don't know. and also you might want to think about a little dry shampoo in that hair. marsha blackburn isn't the only
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republican concerned about the definition of "woman." weirdo congressman madison cawthorn of north carolina took time out from all the coke-fueled orgies he's been getting invited to, to make this eloquent statement on that subject. >> your left wing movement is forcing children's to endure radical expressions of sexuality. and yet you can't even define what a woman is. you might amend a bill, but you'll never amend biology. science is not burger king. you can't just have it your way. >> jimmy: good one, junior. and furthermore, no one out pizzas the hut. >> take notes, madam speaker, i'm about to define what a woman is for you. xx chromosomes, no tally whacker. it's simple. >> jimmy: excuse me, i think you forgy a vagina in there. meanwhile, the man these tally-wack-jocks worship his maga-sty, donald trump this one is incredible. there's a tradition when it comes to presidents, after they're out of office the official white house photographer, the person who snaps everything they do, publishes a book of photographs. obama's photographer did it,
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reagan's, bushes', it's what they do. well according to the new york times trump asked his photographer for a cut of her book deal. his chief photographer shealah craighead- was planning to release a collection of photographs. when "aides to mr. trump asked her for a cut of her book advance payment." and then, they told her to hold off on her project so tanny liebovitz could release his own book of photos, her photos, before she did, we which he sold for $75 a pop and didn't even give her photo credits. fortunately, she has a lot of photos of the guy who robbed her. and he looks just like donald trump. what a creep. the two least surprising things about this story are one -- trump is profiting off the work of others- and two -- the memoir he published about his time in office is a picture book. sadly, he was able to do this because under federal law, those photographs are considered in the public domain and not subject to copyright. which is why i can take a photo like this. that she took and put trump on a toilet for free!
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thanks for all your hard work, shealah. sorry you're not getting -- trump made a big endorsement over the weekend. former governor of alaska, sarah palin is running for congress now in a special election. i know, right? trump issued a statement saying, "sarah palin is tough and smart and will never back down." even for trump, it's pretty impressive to fit three lies into an eleven word sentence. i guess the "masked singer" money dried up. and sarah is running for office. trump endorsing palin is like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing. it's ridiculous. trump still hasn't officially announced that he is running in 2024, but he's back to holding campaign-style rallies at every truck stop that'll have him. this was one of the rally-goers at a rally in washington township, michigan that he had on saturday. she was all fired up for her fearless misleader. >> the election i believe was stolen, but we know that. space force has it all. they watermarked the ballots. they know exactly what happened
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with every ballot. i believe that we're going have an emergency broadcast and the military is going to come in with martial law and we are going to be shown eight hours on, eight hours off of videos for seven days, the world, and they're going to be showing us taped tribunals, taped confessions. >> jimmy: any follow-up questions? no? nothing? not even "why the space force?" so then blob dylan took the stage and i think he may be running out of things to complain about because he did a whole set on how a congressman he doesn't like spells and pronounces his name. >> a guy who spells his name meije but then they pronounce it spire. what kind of a hell is a spelling like that? how the hell do you pronounce this guy's name? nobody knows if he has done nothing in washington. i said how do you pronounce his
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name is it meijer, mayjer? they said it mayer. how the hell do you get meijer out of it? >> jimmy: and what is the deal with these silent e's? the meijer family owns one of the biggest supermarket chains in the state. everyone in that crowd gets their mayonnaise and frozen meatloaf from meijer. some of the people in that crowd probably work at meijer. they all know how to pronounce it. but he doesn't, so it's wrong! next he'll try to overturn the spelling bee. and of course, no trump rally would be complete without a nonsensical jab at the guy who beat his grumpy ass in 2020. >> biden and the radical democrats are spending billions and billions of dollars trying to secure the borders of distant foreign countries, many of which you've never even heard of. americans deserve a president who will secure our borders and who will stop the biggest invasion ever of our country and probably of any country. there has never been anything like it. >> jimmy: i guess he hasn't -- i
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guess he doesn't know the news about ukraine. "this guy zelensky spells it with two ys!" why? more importantly, back to our april fools shenanigans from friday night. please. i don't need to be patronized. on friday night, we had this april fool's shen nan gone. this took months of planning. we coordinated our writers, our producers, and guests on opposite sides of the country. people have been asking me how we managed to pull it off without anyone knowing. and this is how. jimmy fallon flew in on thursday, and we kept cameras rolling throughout the next two days and captured some of the behind the scenes from the freakiest friday in recent talk show history. >> announcer: and now, here is jimmy fallon! >> and now the wave of disappointment comes just washing over me.
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>> let's do it, yeah! hi, everybody! we already made a video. i already forced everyone to go "fallon, fallon." >> fall lon, fallon! >> and we sent it to jimmy. we haven't heard back. >> you know it's friday. that is when jimmy usually catches up on personal stuff. jimmy is old and i am not. so i can't read these without glasses. maybe we can print these a little bigger for me. >> hey, good to see you. how you doing? >> perfect. thank you very much. >> say it again? >> jimmy, let's -- >> spit into, okay. >> this is just something you spit into. here is your bedpan. i don't spit into things. a spittoon was on my writer? >> we're not going to fight about this, okay? >> sorry if i took your lines.
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>> since jimmy and i start talking. >> the chair better? >> it's much better than my chair. my gosh. i'm really writing down all complaints. i don't have a spit cup. i hate this. change my whole life. i can't believe that was the first thing. i can't believe it's the first thing that was offered to me. i love it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: would it be funny if my face thing unlocked for you? >> that wouldn't surprise me at all. >> i believe you are off. >> wow. please, oh, please, really? you see him enough. why would you clap for him? my gosh. big deal. you see him all the time, for god's sake. you miss him that much? he is only gone for ten hours. gosh. >> jimmy: our first guest is an
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emmy, grammy and tony winning mother [ bleep ] who is making his return -- >> no. >> come on. >> jimmy: you're doing great, jimmy. >> it's really great. you're doing great. it just sucks. so hurry up. >> i think my monologue is shorter than yours. >> i always hear yours is longer than mine. >> monologues, the monologues. >> we have nine mystery boxes containing objects no one has ever seen before, not even the people who blind people and put them in the boxes. these are all very impressed and depressed at how nice your studio is. how is that [ bleep ] in l.a.? >> i think i told you. [ laughter ]
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>> maybe we should just stay. i don't know. i'm fine staying here. >> wait, this is my phone. oh. let's go get your phone. >> how did your phone get in my pants. >> let's talk about this after. >> jimmy: thank you, jimmy, and thanks to the whole staff at "the tonight show." that was a great deal of fun. we have a great show for you tonight. eiza gonzalez is here, we have music from alt j, and we'll be back with yahya abdul-mateen ii and jake gyllenhaal. so stick around. abc's "jimmy kimmel live!" brought to you by subaru.
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[ "praise you" by fatboy slim starts playing ] hey mercedes, turn the music up. ♪ we've come a long, long way together ♪ ♪ through the hard times and the good ♪ ♪ i have to celebrate you, baby ♪ ♪ i have to praise you like i should ♪ the all-new mercedes-amg sl. ♪ ♪ the star is reborn. ♪
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>> jimmy: oh, we got to remove that. that can't stay. you let that happen, by the way. you let it happen! >> guillermo: he gave me $100 if i let it happen. >> jimmy: all right. well, we have a great show tonight from the new movie "ambulance." eiza gonzalez is here, we have music from alt-j from the mercedes eq stage. i was told quite specifically this is not a testicle, okay? it's something else. tomorrow night, idris elba and lamorne morris with music from the regrettes. so please join us for that. our first guests have an emmy, a sag award, a bafta,and 12 vowels between them. 15, if you count "y." they are teaming up to face anything michael bay can throw
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at them in the new movie "ambulance." >> come here. i'm going to teach them a lesson. >> get back! >> this boy is certifiable. >> jimmy: "ambulance" opens in theaters friday, please welcome jake gyllenhaal and yahya abdul-mateen ii. [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: i like having the two of you here together. this is nice. >> this is so nice. you have like a -- >> yes!
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[ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: you're acting like an "ambulance" the movie night. >> it is the "ambulance" the movie night. did you guys know each other before the movie? >> no, we didn't. we met two weeks beforehand via skype, how everybody else was doing things. and then we met at michael bay's house. >> jimmy: at michael bay's house? >> it took a while for us to find each other there. it's a very large home. >> jimmy: did it really take a while? >> it really did. it's like a huge, huge house. >> jimmy: i believe it. >> and it's filled with transformers memorabilia. >> jimmy: is it really? >> i ran into bumblebee before i ran to him. i swear to god. i walked in and there was a yellow car in his living room. >> jimmy: that surprises me. i would imagine michael bay would have an understated home. >> no.
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>> you go through jurassic park before you get to his home. there are trees. >> inside the house. >> there are. there are trees. >> down the stairs is treesed on either side. >> jimmy: when you're an actor and you do a lot of movie, some of them are big movies, some of them are small movies, is it like this is going to be fun, we're going do a michael bay movie? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's how you feel about it? >> 100%. >> jimmy: and in this movie, you actually drive the ambulance, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why you driving the ambulance? >> i don't know. >> why am i or why is my character driving? because that's two different stories. >> jimmy: the character that makes sense why the character would be driving the ambulance. >> i would argue against both. >> okay. so you're questioning my skills? >> jimmy: i'm not questioning your skills. i'm questioning your resume, i guess, yeah. >> okay. i tell you this. i've moved a lot. i moved to 13 different homes coming up. so i have a lot of experience behind a u-haul. [ laughter ]
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>> so my attitude was -- my attitude was how hard can it be? we rely on our resumes all the time. >> jimmy: that to me, that to me is surprising that he has so much experience behind a u-haul having been in car with him driving. >> jimmy: i think most people assume that there is a stuntman driving. >> i have a very, very clear rule. >> there is a stuntman get down about 30% of the time. but about 70% of the time it's me getting busy, you know. throughout my ambulance. >> jimmy: that is how he drives too. literally drives like this. >> it's a line in a play. driving ain't nothing. all you got to do is point the truck you want to go, you know? it's the same thing. >> jimmy: it seems like you have a difference of opinion on how well this worked out. was he driving fast? is that what was happening? >> no, i have a philosophy which is let the actors act and the stunt people do the stunts. >> jimmy: interesting.
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>> it's an awkward thing for some people. >> also, i would often remind you that 50 miles an hour looks just as fast as 35. i mean, parts of me i think in the process. no, you're right. >> jimmy: were you banking in the fact that you were in an ambulance in case anything happened? >> exactly, right? >> jimmy: so embarrassing if they had to send an ambulance. >> to an ambulance. >> jimmy: yeah. you did survive it. that's a positive for absolutely sure. was it fun? i would imagine it would be fun driving an ambulance. >> of course! >> jimmy: turning on those lights. >> if you can find them, of course. >> jimmy: are they hard to find? >> well, there are so many buttons. we don't think about that. we just think it's ambulance time, boom, ambulance time, time to go. but it's really hundreds of buttons and that's enough. i mean there is nothing. hundreds of buttons. >> jimmy: there is a scene in
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the movie where a helicopter flies under a bridge. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did that really happen? >> two helicopters. >> that really happened? >> it wasn't written in the script. >> jimmy: what? >> michael bay, we were both on our way, we were driving. he was driving the -- i was very clear about that. he was driving the ambulance back to where we were going to get off -- get into our sieve have is, you know, and we got a call. actually, i got the l.a. river open. drive back. >> jimmy: the l.a. river open? >> the actual l.a. river, he found a way into the l.a. river. just meet us there. we'e going shoot there. so we drove under a bridge, and he came to us, and he was like i got two helicopters, okay? okay? okay? and i'm going to fly the two helicopters down to the bridge, okay? you just jump out of the thing, shoot at the helicopters. it's going to be great. how the -- did you get two helicopters out of the middle of nowhere. he is don't ask questions, we're
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rolling. >> jimmy: you're driving while this is happening? >> i'm driving. i'm driving and screaming and acting and i'm calling on the driver. and i call my boy on facetime, you know. >> jimmy: while you're driving? >> while i'm driving. because you got to. you have to. if mike going to make some executive decision, i'm going make some executive decisions too. >> now you get a sense why it might be a little san diegans to be dangerous to drive with him. >> jimmy: oprah would not like this at all. all apologies to oprah. jake gyllenhaal and yahya abdul-mateen with us with "ambulance." we'll be back with more after this. in the future we'll travel to incredible places with the help of magical technology. but what about today? i want my magical future now. ♪ i have places to go. ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: we are back with yahya abdul-mateen ii and jake gyllenhaal. we're talking about the movie "ambulance" directed by michael bay. we're talking a little bit about michael bay during the commercials. yeah, i'd like to get to the bottom of that, i really would, because he is a fascinating individual. have you become friends? you think you'll carry on a relationship? >> he butt dials me. >> jimmy: he butt dials you? like regularly butt dials you? >> yeah. >> i don't know what a butt dial -- >> no, i know what it is. regularly butt dialing. >> this is what i want to know. it's 2022. no one really butt dials anymore in 2022. so he has to be butt unlocking
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phones. >> that's true. i do think that's true. because i get butt dialed by him too. >> jimmy: do you really? >> they're long, really long, six-minute long messages. and they're things like him like yelling things to nobody, you know, things like why isn't the door open? and nobody is responding. >> i get calls on a sunday. it's a sunday, mind you. all right, three, two, one, all right, action! okay, this is going to be great, this is going to be -- mike, it's sunday. it's sunday, bro. >> jimmy: do you think he was making love? [ applause ] you know, possible. >> it's possible. >> bye by the way, i wouldn't see it any other way with him. he does do that. i wonder, again, if he is alone or maybe with a friend and saying three, two, one, action! move that light! and it's like his little light by his desk. you, come here, move the right, it's wrong, it's the wrong
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angle. >> jimmy: i'm still kind of going over the idea you didn't know what butt dialing was. >> it was just a weird phrase. >> jimmy: i had it wrong. >> when you regularly butt dial. >> jimmy: i'm embarrassed. of course you know that. so you guys, i have a quote from you, yahya, it says about jake. jake loves the camera. which you would think that jake loves his face being on the camera. [ cheering ] not what you meant? there were times when he would take the camera from mike, michael bay. and then you look around, jake is shooting the scene. i'd never seen anything like that before. that doesn't seem like something michael bay would be cool with at all to me. >> no, no. but it's also something that didn't really happen. >> jimmy: oh. >> i mean -- >> eh, eh? >> so an ambulance is small, right? it's tight quarters. and as we already learned, yahya drives most of the time. and oftentimes my character would jump into the passenger
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seat, and we had a lot of dialogue figuring things out in the front of the ambulance. and so we drove this ambulance all around los angeles, and we actually drove, you know, really on streets, and he was actually driving and there was real stunts and everything. and occasionally michael wouldn't have the right angle beause he'd like the light, but he couldn't ask me to move because there is no space. so he would pass me the camera. and i would operate his shooting on him, right while he is driving, yeah. driving. and because he's so handsome, i couldn't stop, you know. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, it's hard. >> that was basically -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: so will you get a cinematography credit on this? >> absolutely not, no. >> jimmy: you will not? >> that was out of pure necessity. and his hand was actually technically on the camera while i was, so i wasn't really operate rating it.
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>> jimmy: that's your out there? >> he wore gloves so he technically never touched the camera. >> jimmy: interesting loophole. i didn't not know that is hoy you do it. >> this is what it's like working with jake. don't leave me hanging, jake. don't leave me. >> oh, sorry. that does -- admittedly, that does happen a lot with us, and i'm sorry. often advertisements i'm talking with someone else and focusing on them, and he is asking me to do something. >> don't leave me hanging. >> jimmy: as always, are you going to go with jake to "saturday night live" as jake is hosting on saturday night. will you be together there? >> let's find out. am i going to be there, tonight? >> that's not up to me. you're your own person. >> i'll be there. >> jimmy: you will be there. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm impressed that you're here, because i happened to be at "saturday night live" this weekend, and jake gyllenhaal. oh, jake is on our show tomorrow. he should be here working this out. >> i'll be there tomorrow. and i love your new desk. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. you want it?
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[ laughter ] you know, this would be a great wrap gift for michael bay. >> we walked through his house and see this and bumblebee? are you going to keep it forever? >> jimmy: no, i am going to burn it probably after this show. somebody suggested that we auction it off for charity, but i don't think anybody would want it with this name on it, you know? who would want the words "matt" and "damon" on there. >> is it a little weird if he came on the show? >> jimmy: oh, he'll never be on the show. he will never be on the show. >> where is the camera? >> jimmy: jake is holding it, yeah. >> matt damon, you will ever? be on the show. his words, not mine. >> jimmy: thank you for reestablishing that. >> though it is the best your desk has ever looked. >> jimmy: yeah, listen, the artwork is not questionable. it's just the name that is on there. it's great to see you guys. i love that you guys are going to be together many this movie. the movie is "ambulance," michael bay's big new movie. it opens in theaters friday.
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jake gyllenhaal and yahya abdul-mateen ii. we'll be back with another star of the movie, eiza gonzalez when we come back. ♪ this is remington. he's a member of the family, for sure. we always fed him kibble it just seemed like the thing to do. but he was getting picky, and we started noticing some allergy symptoms. we heard about the farmer's dog and it was a complete transformation. his allergies were going away and he just had amazing energy. it's a no-brainer that remi should have the best nutritious and delicious food possible. i'm investing in my dog's health and happiness. ♪ get started at dawn is flipping the way america does dishes. new dawn platinum ez-squeeze. it's an upside-down bottle... with no cap. just grab, squeeze and platinum's upgraded formula breaks down grease faster. tackle grease wherever it shows up. no flip, no mess. dawn ez-squeeze. (vo) for me, one of the best things about life is that
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♪ >> jimmy: hi there. music from alt-j is on the way. our next guest is yet another star of michael bay's "ambulance" she is from mexico and we are very grateful to them. please welcome eiza gonzalez. ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> oh my god, the last time you were here, you were so far away from me. >> jimmy: i know. i'm getting closer. >> yay! >> jimmy: eventually, we'll be so close, you'll call the place
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police. >> can't wait. >> jimmy: some of your fans have joined the audience to watch you tonight. [ applause ] >> weirdly enough, they've been following me around the world lately. it's so strange. >> jimmy: where have you guys gone? where have you been around the world? >> oh my god, we were everywhere. we were just in paris, london. i went to spain. they missed spain. berlin. we're excited to be in america. >> jimmy: they say america is one of the top countries. >> is it? >> jimmy: were you comfortable with yahya driving the ambulance? >> no. sorry, sorry, yahya. he is lovely, though. >> jimmy: you play -- you're really the paramedic in this movie. these guys are bank robbers, basically. so when you are a paramedic, do you do that thing where you go and learn to be a paramedic? >> oh, absolutely. >> jimmy: you do? so you went, you learned. you performed -- what surgery do you do in -- >> i do a spleen surgery. do you know what a spleen is? >> jimmy: is a spleen a real thing? >> it is a real thing. yes. the inside of your body are real
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things. >> jimmy: how big is the spleen? >> well you see it in the movie. it's kind of the size of your hand. it's very important for your body because it basically fights germs from your blood streams. >> jimmy: i thought it was an optional body -- you can live without it, right? >> eh, germs in your bloodstream sound pretty terrible. i think you would need something to fight it. but you can. you can totally. >> jimmy: you're pro-spleen? >> i'm pro-spleen. very pro-spleen. >> jimmy: you could not really remove a spleen, could you? >> you can live without a spleen. >> jimmy: no, i didn't mean one, i meant you. >> well, you want to try? >> jimmy: you want to dig around in there and see if i survive? >> funny enough that you say that. we worked with incredibe paramedics intimately to get prepared for the role. and i had body pieces all around my house. yeah. >> jimmy: you brought some pictures of that. i just saw. show one.
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so you -- why it is under the bed? >> well, why wouldn't it be under the bed? it's so good when people come in and see it. >> jimmy: i see. that's why. >> it's my favorite when it's in the bathroom. the bathtub one is my favorite. that's my dog, sort of confused. >> jimmy: i wonder if i could eat this. >> he has gotten used to body pieces in my house. >> jimmy: what do you do with that arm? >> i rehearse how to do an iv. it was important. in the movie we talk about cam being the best paramedic in town. so that's kind of -- the bar is really up there. you want to look like you know what you're doing. >> jimmy: you want to be the best, the top person. >> even though i obviously didn't. >> jimmy: well, who does, really, if you think about it. so you practice on this. the dog is check out the arms. did you scare anybody with the arm or the participants? >> yeah. well, my -- it's -- i feel really bad, but carolina.
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carolina is this lovely woman who works in my house. she has been working with me for a very, very long time. >> jimmy: okay. >> and carolina, not only is she finding body pieces around the house and being terrified by it, i like to keep something about my wardrobe all the time, something i do. and i kept my paramedic suit. but i want to keep it covered in blood. and i remember first of all, carolina doesn't know what i do for a living. >> jimmy: really? >> she has no idea. >> jimmy: how is that possible? >> has no idea. she really does not. one day i came back home and by the way, i already had a bloody shirt from "i care a lot" with an easy rider shirt which had already happened before. i came back from work. and she was in my dressing room, and she senorita isa? yes, carolina, que paso? um, what do i do with this? a full blood covered outfit, and her face was transparent, la
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lavo? and i was no, don't wash it. just leave there it. put it in that drawer, never take it out. and she is okay. and so she packed it in. so this poor woman is terrorize ed because she thinks probably i'm a mass murderer because she found tons of pieces of clothing with blood in my house. >> jimmy: you never had a conversation with her? >> no, because it's become a running joke now. it's so good. it's so good. >> jimmy: that's a very weird joke. as michael bay butt dialed you? >> oh, well, funny that you asked. he has. by the way -- >> jimmy: oh, he has? how tight are his pants? >> i don't know. good question. we should ask him. well, he does butt dial a lot. and then i hadn't seen the movie, and i have a missed call from michael bay. and i look at my phone, and it's a three-minute voice note. i'm terrified. i'm convinced it's just like i'm
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going to fire you and cut you out. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, because i didn't know why three minutes of a voice note? so i start playing it. and it starts, you just hear like noise in the background. and i'm confused about what it is. and then i hear "hey, baby" oh, [ bleep ]. i have like an inappropriate voice note on my phone. and i was like -- i just kept hearing it. it goes "hey, baby, hey, baby, oh do you want to go on a walkie"? you want a poopie? do you want to walk you with you? >> jimmy: oh my god, oh my god, i hope he has a dog. >> no. he was talking to me actually. i don't know if you have seen his dog. it's actually funny that he
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talks to his dog that way because it's a massive, massive dog that is in the movie and drools everywhere. >> jimmy: i love the idea that you guys are all getting these long accidental voice mails from michael, and you're listening through the whole thing. >> i mean, it's amazing. it's so good to hear like a vulnerable michael bay, because he is just, you know what i mean? he is so terrifying. the bay-him. do you want a walkie, baby? never erasing this from my phone. >> jimmy: i don't blame you for one second. the movie is called "ambulance." it opens in theaters friday. thank you for being here. eiza gonzalez. we'll be back with alt-j. ♪ >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the s class from mercedes binz.
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and now most admired alum! get up there. this is so embarrassing. there's no way it's me. you know her.... you love her.... ruh roh. what are you doing here? it's anna gomez! who? our first gigillionaire! with at&t fiber, anna's got the fastest internet with hyper-gig speeds. i didn't know you went to this school.
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we have a lot in common. live like a gigillionaire with at&t fiber. now with speeds up to 5-gigs. limited availability. >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: all right. i want to thank jake gyllenhaal and yahya abdul-mateen ii and eiza gonzalez. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, idris elba and lamorne morris with music from the regrettes.
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"nightline" is next but first, the name of the album is "the dream" here with the song "hard drive gold" alt-j! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ gimme that gold straight into my hard drive baby yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ i'm fifteen in my garden skipping my neighbor sue is ♪ ♪ watching me from her window oh mama did you tell sue i'm a millionaire ♪ ♪ now baby trading that crypto ♪ give me that gold gimme that ♪ ♪ gimme that gold gimme that fire ♪ ♪ crying on a stranger is so very soothing i'm outside my school ♪
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♪ my teacher took me to one side and told me i was scum ♪ ♪ i left then googled neoliberal ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to make to make money boy don't be afraid to ♪ ♪ make to make money boy don't be afraid to make to make money boy ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to make to make money ♪ ♪ straight into my hard drive gimme that gold ♪ ♪ straight into my hard drive baby yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ non-shatter ruler put it on the table toeil wi audi ♪♪ ♪ the next morning he shouts from his door ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to make to make money boy ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to make to make money boy don't be afraid to ♪ ♪ make to make money boy don't be afraid to make to make money ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to
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make to make money boy don't be afraid to ♪ ♪ to make money ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to don't be afraid to ♪ ♪ make to make money boy don't be afraid to make to make money boy ♪ ♪ don't be afraid to make to make money gold ♪ ♪ straight into my hard drive gimme that gold ♪ ♪ straight into my hard drive baby yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ [ cheering and applause ]
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, russian war crimes? the horror in the streets ukraine wants the world to see. plus crimewave. the deadliest mass shooting in sacramento. >> three walking gunshot wounds. >> part of a bloody weekend claiming more innocent lives. >> sergio was full of life. always there to help somebody. >> as pandemic gun crime rises across the country, what's behind the recent surge? then selena gomez. the star who's shared her own mental health struggles, now helping others with theirs. >> try to take what's going on and turn it into something beautiful. >> known for her hit like "look


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