Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 16, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

11:35 pm
now and jimmy kimmel dating a have a good night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- dana carvey. and "science bob" pflugfelder. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: appreciate that. thank you. that's very nice. welcome. thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching and thank you for joining us on a -- well, i'm glad you're in a good mood. [ cheers and applause ] i was wondering, because this is a day that -- i don't know what word to use to describe it here.
11:36 pm
shocking? unfathomable? stupefying? yes, a stupefying day in our nation's history. the senate this afternoon took a vote on whether women should have the right to choose to have an abortion. the bill would have guaranteed pro-choice rights nationwide. it did not pass. it needed 60 votes. it only got 49. even though a strong majority of american voters want those rights protected, every democrat voted in favor of the bill except joe manchin, who voted with his fellow republicans. [ laughter ] with the supreme court likely to overturn roe v. wade, the democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. chuck schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where republicans stand. turns out, they're standing in the year 1865. [ laughter ] it almost feels like maybe we shouldn't have let the host of "celebrity apprentice" pick three supreme court justices. you know? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it also almost makes you wish that for the last, i don't know, four years we had a president who believed in letting women make decisions for themselves.
11:37 pm
a man like this guy. >> i'm -- i'm very pro-choice. i hate the concept of abortion. i hate it. i hate everything it stands for. i cringe when i listen to people debating the subject. but you still -- i just believe in choice. but i am strongly for choice. and yet i hate the concept of abortion. >> but you would not ban it? >> no. >> jimmy: he must have shot that before eric was born. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know, you always hear people -- that don jr./eric one-two punch really changed his thinking on that. [ laughter ] i never imagined it would actually come to this. that we would go so far backwards. and there was some five-star nonsense happening on the senate floor. steve daines, the republican senator from montana, presented an argument that seems to have gotten it from an old saturday morning cartoon. >> if you look at federal law, if you were to take or destroy the eggs of a sea turtle -- and i said the eggs. not the hatchlings. that's also a penalty. but the eggs.
11:38 pm
the criminal penalties are severe. up to $100,000 fine and a year in prison. now, why? why do we have laws in place that protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles? because when you destroy an egg, you're killing a preborn baby sea turtle or a preborn baby eagle. >> jimmy: okay, now i have some visual aids to explain just how dumb that was. [ laughter ] hello, i'm a sea turtle. and i can't believe i need to say this, but we aren't human beings! now, i know some of you might look like us. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but sea turtles, we are an endangered species. humans are not. and if a mama sea turtle doesn't want to have a baby, there's no old white guy from montana telling her she has to. she just lays her eggs in the sand and crawls away. and unlike people, mama sea turtles don't have to work to
11:39 pm
support their kids. or feed them. or drive them to school. "and what about cases of rape?" oh, eagle, you know that doesn't happen to eagles or turtles. [ laughter ] "okay, can i eat your eggs?" oh, no, please don't. but the next time you fly over montana, will you take a big poop on steve daines? "yes, i will." thank you. [ cheers and applause ] it's very simple, right? now i got these on. [ laughter ] even around half of republicans believe the right to have an abortion should be protected by law. this could, and should, be a big issue ahead of the midterms, which are now less than six months away. but the issues themselves don't matter much anymore. what matters is that you make sure everyone knows that you are pro-life. pro-human life. with notable exceptions. >> inflation is skyrocketing. putin is out of control. and brandon is asleep at the
11:40 pm
wheel. but the gop has a plan. and that plan is -- guns. to shoot our problems in the head. we're shooting at beer bottles. into the woods. at nancy pelosi impersonators. >> the good people of arizona have had enough of you! >> at dominion voting machines. >> i'm ron hanks and i approve this message. >> this guy even has a cannon. >> fire! >> still technically a gun. we've got women with guns. kids with guns. old ladies with guns. evening, madam governor. >> no step too high for a high stepper. >> we even have tv doctors with guns. >> when people say i won't support guns, they're dead wrong. pull! >> oops. your republican party 2022. sun's out, guns out. >> ow. my clavicle. >> jimmy: i'm sure there's a miracle salve you can rub on that.
11:41 pm
[ applause ] everything is crazy now. we keep learning more about our former president during his 48 years in office. according to "rolling stone," trump in 2019 asked his national security team an interesting question. he wanted to know whether china was creating hurricanes and shooting them at us. [ laughter ] and we're so used to it, it barely even registers anymore. and by the way, nobody thought to sound the alarm on the fact that the president of the united states was asking if china was making hurricanes to attack us. we're just now hearing about it. no one felt it was important to share that. and what did his advisors even say? did they lick a finger, put it in the air, and say, "yes, feels like a homemade china hurricane to me." [ laughter ] a former white house official said "it was almost too stupid for words." which see, that's what trump should be printing on his hats. right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and i love that he's focused on hurricanes. because no person in history is more obsessed with wind than
11:42 pm
donald trump. he hates wind. i assume because of his hair. before he was president his whole identity was that golden rat's nest on his head. [ laughter ] wind is the culprit behind photos like these. [ laughter ] the wind is his enemy, he's against the wind, like bob seger. even against windmills because they have the word "wind" in their name. >> they said sir, it is so windy out there. >> it was raining and windy. >> the wind was blowing and the rain, and i was soaking wet. >> it's windy as hell out there. >> that wind is hitting me hard. >> the wind was right smack in my face. >> it was so windy. >> the wind was coming right into my face. >> i have the wind, i'm freezing my ass off. >> i'm all up here and that wind is blowing. >> that wind is pouring in as i'm talking, it's pouring in up the mouth, up the nose. >> it was blowing so hard. >> plus the wind was blowing so hard. >> it was blowing right in my face. >> the wind was howling. >> a little wind. about two miles an hour. >> 30-mile-an-hour winds. >> with the wind blowing at 40 miles an hour. >> 50 miles an hour. >> the wind came in 58 miles an
11:43 pm
hour. >> 70 miles an hour. >> 200 miles an hour. >> wind. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. that's the movement he does with his hair growth. [ applause ] this out now. i don't know if you saw this. i would like to hear trump's reaction to this tape. one guy who goes whichever way the wind blows is lindsey graham. there's some newly leaked audio of senator graham, recorded on january 6th, just after the attack on the capitol. it reveals an angry lindsey, who is clearly looking forward to the calming presence of joe biden. >> this is a group within a group. what this does, there will be a rallying effect for a while, the country says we're better than this. >> biden will help that, right? >> totally. he'll be maybe the best person to have, right. i mean, how mad can you get at joe biden? >> jimmy: i don't know. ask the animals who keep calling him brandon, i guess. senator graham has not commented on the tape yet. but you know you're a crappy
11:44 pm
person when somebody damages your reputation by recording you being nice. [ laughter ] and of course once the smoke cleared it took almost no time for lindsey to get right back to licking trump's golf shoes and beating biden up. >> joe biden scared the hell out of me tonight. he looked weak as commander in chief. >> putin owns biden. biden is afraid of escalation. he's afraid of making putin mad. >> biden is afraid of putin. >> joe biden is responsible for the rise of isis as much as any single american politician. >> get off your ass and go to the border and look and see what you have caused. >> he has blood on his hands and he's made america less safe and he's been the most consistently wrong man on foreign policy in my lifetime. >> jimmy: the reason he does this, as we all know, is because lindsey graham's spine is made of twizzler. [ laughter ] the strawberry one. meanwhile, mike pence was at rice university yesterday to complain about the high price of gas. >> i often say one of the great parts about no longer being vice president is i get to drive my
11:45 pm
own car. one of the worst parts is i get to pay for my own gas. i was actually visiting my daughter. and my unworthy son-in-law. who's a navy pilot in california. and i did the father-in-law thing. i said, let me take your truck down to the gas station and fill it up before we leave. $6 a gallon in california. i almost had to take out a mortgage. >> jimmy: he delivers his speeches like a comedian, like he's waiting for the laughs. but then they don't ever come. [ laughter ] so we thought we might do him a favor, throw him a little funnybone. >> you know, i often say that one of the great parts about no longer being vice president is i get to drive my own car. [ laughter ] one of the worst parts is i get to pay for my own gas. [ laughter ] i was actually visiting my daughter. and my unworthy son-in-law. [ laughter ]
11:46 pm
who's a navy pilot in california. and i did the father-in-law thing. i said, let me take your truck down to the gas station and fill it up, you know, before we leave. [ laughter ] $6 a gallon in california. i almost had to take out a mortgage. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: get that man a netflix special and a big glass of milk! [ cheers and applause ] bill gates announced yesterday that he tested positive for covid. apparently, he forgot to update his virus protection. [ rim shot ] thank you. [ laughter ] for whatever dingbat reason, a lot of the anti-vax crowd sees this as some kind of validation. including tucker carlson, who could barely contain his glee. >> today the unthinkable happened. bill gates announced on twitter, and we're quoting, "i've tested positive for covid." >> jimmy: does he realize whenever he does that impression he sounds like he's imitating himself? [ laughter ]
11:47 pm
this ought to get tucker's tighty whities in a twist. barbie is getting a hearing aid. that's right. in an attempt to be inclusive, mattel is rolling out barbie dolls with various physical conditions. one of the conditions is hearing loss. which means barbie will come with hearing aids. which is an amazing step towards inclusion that your child will immediately swallow. [ cheers and applause ] i didn't know this, but apparently barbie lost her hearing after her owner's little brother taped a firecracker to her head. [ laughter ] have you seen the new "doctor strange" movie? [ cheers and applause ] almost everyone on planet earth has. it's already made more than half a billion dollars. and as you know, whenever a very big movie comes out, we send our in-house critic to give it a look. and we've done it again. here's our own sorcerer supreme, yehya, talking about "doctor strange in the multiverse of madness." >> hi, it's me, yehya. talk about the new movie today behind me.
11:48 pm
the movie, action, "doctor stranger." about the brain, you know. >> the nightmare begins. >> do you know the guy, like he have magic with the hand and the fire? he fight with a boos. the actor in that movie "bentis compaprosi." and "undercover sharlique holmes." and he play lota franking movie the dragon. the dragon "smoke." like whoo, whoo. he take the fire. >> the illuminati will see you now. >> the other guy in that movie too, his name "canda shorvy." he's in the movie "running from white people." elizabeth. >> this is going to be fun. >> yeah, she have the tv show "magic woman." she love the robot.
11:49 pm
she have two famous sisters, mary-kins and carrie that the two twins in the show "full house" with the greek guy, i forget his name now, john -- john -- john cena. this guy, he do the magic in the movie. you know like they do, the brother, the first guy's name victory, the other guy bert. one of them, the tiger eat his face. >> i don't even want to know! >> what do you know about the multiverse?ilalert, spoil alert! i don't understand anything for that movie. go see the movie. is good movie. "magic hole." bye! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, yehya. thanks to victory and bert too. we have a fun show for you tonight. "science bob" pflugfelder is here. [ cheers and applause ] with experiments. and we'll be right back with dana carvey, so stick around! [ cheers and applause ]
11:50 pm
>> announcer: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by those other hotels. i'm what you call "boutique". i'm into intimate conversations, leather lounge chairs and soaking up the cities atmosphere. i'm looking to provide a more unique experience. do you like single origin coffee over a game of chess? me too. and don't you just feel like everything sounds warmer on vinyl? i do. ♪♪ people will say 'that catch' was a total fluke. but you'll know, it was the fabulous top you got for an amazing price at marshalls.
11:51 pm
anything can happen with a top like that. panera chefs have crafted a masterpiece... you got for an amazing price succulent, seared chicken... a secret aioli... clean ingredients... in a buttery brioche roll. made fresh, to leave you... speechless. panera's new chef's chicken sandwiches. $1 delivery fee on our app. (grandmother) thank you for taking me home. it's so far. (young woman) don't worry about it, grandma! this'll be fun. (young woman) two chocolate milkshakes, please. (grandmother) make it three. (young woman) three? (grandmother) did you get his number? (young woman) no, grandma! grandma!! (grandmother) excuse me! (young woman vo) some relationships get better with time. that's why i got a crosstrek. (avo) ninety-six percent of subaru vehicles sold in the last ten years are still on the road. (grandmother) i'm so glad you got a subaru. (young woman) i wonder who gave me the idea? (avo) love. it's what makes subaru, subaru. ♪♪
11:52 pm
♪♪ (vo) with armor all, a little bit of this... protects you from a lot... of that. armor all. minimum effort. maximum protection. ♪ remix your routine. ♪ make it a hidden valley ranch night. ♪ find nutrients. find energy. protein. fruit stuff. veggie stuff. confidence stuff. spikey fruit. smooth fruit. a carrot? beets.
11:53 pm
helloooo, people?! i can't read this fast! find it in v8. ooh, that's nice!
11:54 pm
♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, here to amaze us with incredible feats of chemistry and physics, "science bob" pflugfelder is with us. [ cheers and applause ] he is a man, if you are not familiar with his work, who does things like this. >> trust the science, there we go! >> wow, that's beautiful. >> jimmy: yeah, it's going to be fun and it's going to be a mess to clean up. [ laughter ] tomorrow night on our show, jerrod carmichael and james hong.
11:55 pm
with music from the black keys. join us for that. our first guest became a household name on "saturday night live," playing everyone from president bush to the church lady and either hans or franz. i'm still not exactly sure. you can hear him and david spade reminisce with "snl" cast members and hosts on their weekly podcast "fly on the wall." new episodes premiere wednesdays. please welcome dana carvey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> wow! i didn't expect that. >> jimmy: i can't believe i've never met you. >> i know. >> jimmy: you've never been here. >> everyone i know knows you, and they love you. and i go why do you love him, what's the big deal? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> no -- that was my first joke. >> jimmy: can't wait to hear the answer. >> all those years i was raising my kids up in the woods in northern california.
11:56 pm
>> jimmy: yeah. >> i knew jay leno from the clubs so i would just perfunctorily go on his show. he would call me a lot at home. "you come on, you do your stuff, it's okay. you know we got a good show down there in burbank, maybe you'll come down for a while, you know? i mean, you know. dave gets the money, i get the numbers, it doesn't matter." [ laughter ] hi, jay! >> jimmy: yeah. >> so then conan, who i met when he came out of college, you know, i started doing his show. but there were times i was booked and they said you were dark. i go, what is he, depressed? [ laughter ] i didn't understand. now it's the greatest show in hollywood, i love this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dana, you know that -- >> this is just an awesome -- >> jimmy: it's not like a marriage, you're allowed to do the other shows. in any event, i'm thrilled that you're here. >> thank you. i just got a look at me. i go oh, this is me at the -- you know. i love it. i'm mature now. >> jimmy: yeah, but you look like exactly the same. except you have more hair on your face, really. >> i know. well, the women like this.
11:57 pm
i mean, my wife got tired of having sex with howdy doody. [ laughter ] i had a baby face for a long time. it didn't help in the bedroom. but they like the scruff, you're not a girl! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your cohost, your pal david spade, was here a couple of months ago. >> yes. >> jimmy: we were talking about this podcast you do together. >> "fly on the wall." me and david spade. i've known him for years. >> jimmy: a great idea for a podcast. >> it's a seminal experience in people's lives. no matter where you went before or after, being on live television in new york on that show, you never forget it. it's so weird. >> jimmy: you have people who hosted the show, people who worked on the show. do you ever have people who were just in the audience on the show? >> what you mean -- oh, we would. i think we'll branch out. we would have fans on. >> jimmy: that's the extent of my "saturday night live" experience. >> you never hosted? >> jimmy: oh, no, no, no. no. >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: because jay leno wouldn't allow it. [ laughter ]
11:58 pm
>> jay did it once. i said, lorne, how about jimmy? "i don't know. does he do any characters?" [ laughter ] i think he would. i love working with spade. i've known him since he was 19. i raised him as one of my own. >> jimmy: he said you guys lived together for a while? ♪ beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> he is such a sound effect machine. >> jimmy: yeah. >> whoo. beyoo! we lived in beechwood canyon in a really dumpy place. my wife and i lived on top of the garage. there wasn't even a roof, we were just up there -- no, there was a hot plate. i got on "snl." freakily, we were living in a dump. my wife and i were saving money to buy a house. i got on "snl." kevin nealon, this is lorne michaels, "we could use one more cast member, maybe someone like chevy who's sort of tall." that's what he said. >> jimmy: really? >> i said, i know a really funny tall guy. then kevin came in the studio, he got the show.
11:59 pm
>> jimmy: wow. >> and spade moved into -- our little brother from another mother, moved into kevin nealon's room. then when kevin was so nice, he'd come back from "snl" and spade would still take his room, he'd sleep on the couch. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> "sorry, buddy, got to snooze and a beyoo!" [ applause ] i'm just going to do spade all night. >> jimmy: does david like when you imitate him? >> david is very chill about anything. he's very gentle and very chill. >> jimmy: does anyone imitate you? >> no one can do me. i'm like an invisible person, i don't really have a face, and i don't really have a voice. i don't really exist as a human being. that's why the scruff and the glasses. i need infrastructure. [ laughter ] my face is -- i'm like the invisible man, my face is receding into my skull. i need scaffolding. but that way you can put stuff on me. like jon lovitz, the great jon lovitz, he'd be on "snl" -- >> jimmy: hold on. everyone needs to applaud or jon's going to be very upset.
12:00 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> hello! he'll call me tomorrow. "hear them? they applauded!" [ laughter ] but anyway, jon is a true character. they put prosthetic makeup on him on "saturday night live." he'd come up to me, "can you tell who it is?" "yes, jon, i can." but i'm a very -- i can just put something on me, put a nose, a face, give me an accent. >> jimmy: it is remarkable, it really is amazing the stuff that you do. >> well, thank you. >> jimmy: the presidents -- what was the first president you did? were you a kid when you started doing presidents? >> yeah, like as a very little kid, i remember doing a little bit of jfk. "we don't do it because it's easy, we did it because it's haaard!" [ laughter ] you know, that was an easy entry. i did lbj a little bit. >> jimmy: really? >> i was a little performer kid. >> jimmy: wow. >> also introverted. then i did reagan. everyone did reagan. "well, yes." what would reagan do with ukraine? what do you want to do, mr. president? "well, i say fire away." [ laughter ] "with everything we've got. and then call them and see if tey're still there." [ laughter ] [ applause ]
12:01 am
it's not the best reagan, it's a reagan. and then flukily, i got cast as the president. i did george bush sr., which took me a year. i couldn't do it at all initially. >> jimmy: really? >> because there was nothing there. it was just "hi, i'm a president, how are you?" so i had to invent a character, and extenuate it. i started just watching him. he would do this thing, "well, we're out there, kind of careful, doing that thing out there in that whole area." and that was al franken and i. we were like we got it, that's it! that thing, that area. four years later i'm just like, "got to do it." mugging it up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's interesting. because i think for a lot of people and probably myself included, whoever is doing the president on "saturday night live," like that is the president. >> yes. >> jimmy: you think that's them. >> that's the bully pulpit for a comedian. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you have that spot, like james austin johnson does now. >> jimmy: he does trump on
12:02 am
"saturday night live." >> he does a brilliant trump. >> jimmy: he does. >> he was on our "fly on the wall" podcast. in austin. james austin johnson. [ applause ] what i did was -- because i'm kind of fascinated by -- i realize, because i wanted to -- i said that trump can really talk. i saw him earlier on your show. and he doesn't say anything. it's just, he has these weird phrases. so i had james do them. can i do a couple of them? >> jimmy: sure, yeah. >> it's trump with no real sentence structure. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> "frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of it, that i can tell you. i mean, when you look at it and you look, it didn't work out so great for so many of these people, and you're seeing it all over the place. many people are saying, we don't want -- we're not those people, we don't do that, okay? so you look at what they're doing, you look at all of it, and people are very disappointed like you wouldn't believe. [ laughter ] because it's a terrible deal, really a bad deal, and we're going to be doing something very soon and you're going to be happy, you're going to be seeing
12:03 am
a lot of it. you're going to be happy like you wouldn't believe." that's trump. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dana carvey, unbelievable. we'll be right back with dana after this. [ cheers and applause ] after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's a lovely oday ♪ ♪ so whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ you've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true ♪ [ chuckling ] ♪ and i hope whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ is something that... ♪ [ music stops ] [ beeping ] cars built with safety in mind, even for those guys. the volkswagen atlas with standard front assist. ♪ ♪ give me one of your mcnuggets... si quieres un mcnugget, just ask for it. ay... did i say that or did i think it? buy one favorite, like a big mac, and get another for just a buck, at mcdonald's. ♪ i stand alone ♪
12:04 am
♪ and the fire in the sky ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wait and see ♪ ♪ shadow down ♪ ♪ fall into line ♪ ♪ you're out of time ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ tú tienes el toque... now go and deja tu huella. it's a cheetos thing.
12:05 am
♪ girl you know it's been way too long ♪ ♪ i got to get now back in my zone ♪lla. ♪ ooh wee ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ alright ♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ 3... 2... 1... ♪
12:06 am
♪ you know i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ [ music stops ] ♪ hey ladies, don't we look good? ♪ ♪ we came to have a good time baby ♪ ♪ said i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ ♪ me and all of my girls gonna tear it up ♪ ♪music playing♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
12:07 am
♪♪ nothing brings the pack together like a trip to great wolf lodge. now open in northern california. if you're a small business, like a trip to great wolf lodge. there are lots of choices when it comes to your internet and technology needs. but when you choose comcast business internet, you choose the largest, fastest reliable network. you choose advanced security. and you choose fiber solutions with speeds up to 10 gigs available to more small businesses than any other provider. the choice is clear: get unbeatable business solutions from the most innovative company. get a great deal on this limited time price with internet and voice for just $49.99 a month for 24 months with a 2-year price guarantee. call today.
12:08 am
♪ >> jimmy: we are back with dana carvey. he's got a podcast with david spade called "fly on the wall." they are focused on "saturday night live." >> yeah. >> jimmy: they have the people from "saturday night live." >> yeah, we are -- one of our great writers, jim downey, episode was today. we've had bill hader. >> jimmy: that's a great one. jim downey for like the comedy nerds, that's exciting. >> one of the greatest writers in the history of "saturday night live" or anywhere. healso, when i did the george bush sr. thing, he was kind of my right-hand man, franken and him. so i had two really brilliant people helping me with that impression. >> jimmy: isn't it strange now to think, yeah, i had a guy who was a senator from minnesota writinjokes for me. >> i know. and al was always really political. and he informed those sketches. because he was totally steeped in politics and knew every angle. but we were, you know -- it was kind of an equal opportunity
12:09 am
thing. when bush was riding high, his ratings were like 70%, we just played him as this happy guy who couldn't lose. "well, things are going up. before bush, berlin wall. after bush, no wall." [ laughter ] so it was kind of like, the joke was how great he was doing. then it got rougher later. >> jimmy: i want to ask about something that's not related to "saturday night live." >> anything. >> jimmy: a sitcom you did in 1982. >> oh no. >> jimmy: this is quite a lineup. it's called -- >> "one of the boys." nathan lane and mickey rooney, a famous human being. >> jimmy: and that's you. >> that's me. [ applause ] >> jimmy: mickey rooney is really -- now nathan lane is one of these people you meet, you go oh, that's the greatest person i've ever met in my life. >> the funniest, naturally funniest -- and mickey loved nathan. >> jimmy: did he? >> wasn't so sure about me. >> jimmy: is that right? >> mickey was the craziest person i ever met. brilliant but he had a .38 revolver and he'd wave it around. i'm not kidding.
12:10 am
he would. "they're not going to get me. if they come for me, i'll plug 'em." [ laughter ] he was out of his mind. you'd be coming down the hallway, he said this every day about his former glory. "i was the number one star in the world." then he would go, "you hear me? bang! [ puckering sound ] the world!" [ laughter and applause ] you can't write it. >> jimmy: what makes it even funnier, i think we all -- growing up, you think of mickey rooney as this old man. whatever. but i looked it up today. in this photograph mickey was only 62 years old. he'd already lost his marbles completely. >> well, the connection here, why we're bringing this up, is because i was just a fledgling stand-up, got a very small deal with nbc. they called me and said we want you to play mickey rooney's grandson. where does it tape? in new york, in rockefeller
12:11 am
center. so i ended up working in rockefeller center on the sixth floor. and on the eighth floor was "saturday night live." i would ask -- i would get up there on thursdays. i'd sit in the bleachers. i'd watch eddie murphy, i'd watch joe piscopo rehearse. i'd think, damn, i really, really want to get up two floors. and it took me six years. and then i ended up there. [ cheers and applause ] so it's surreal. isn't that weird? >> jimmy: did you go straight from the sixth floor to the eighth floor? did you make a stop on the seventh along the way? >> no, i went to the 17th, i think. then i went down to the eighth like you wouldn't believe it. it didn't work out. many people are saying, i can tell you that. i can promise you that. you're going to be happy, jimmy. [ laughter ] i think that life is like that. the longer you live, all these different cycles and circles. sort of ironic, weird, bizarre stuff happens. >> jimmy: it's crazy that it took anyone that long to figure out that you would be fantastic on "saturday night live." isn't it strange, if you think about it? i mean, objectively. >> well, you know, i was developing stand-up on the side. but you could see by that
12:12 am
picture, i was really cute at that age. >> jimmy: yeah, you were like a dorothy hamill type. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i had the pageboy. i kept being cast as the innocent nice guy. and i didn't have the confidence to turn it down. i go okay, i'll be that. other people would just say, no, i'm going to be the king of comedy. but i was too -- and i did "blue thunder" with james ferrentino. i was in the helicopter, i was clinton wonderlove. i had lines like "i'm jamming, i'm jamming!" my name was jaffo, and he was not having a good time in life, he had a styrofoam cup this big in the fake chopper. so he went to do something. so i wanted to take a sip of water. it was straight vodka. he was out of his mind, just yelling at people, "i'm insane!" like mickey rooney again. i've worked with some [ bleep ]ed up -- [ laughter ] but at one point in time they
12:13 am
offered me a spin-off to "punkie brewster," the '80s sitcom, called "fenster hall." this was like '84 or 5. and i said to my wife, it was $30,000 to do it. and i said, no, i'm not going to do it anymore. and i just went on the road. i just went all out with stand-up. and that's where chopping broccoli came, church lady came. >> jimmy: wow. >> so by the time i met up with lorne michaels, when he saw me, i was there. but it took me a long time because i didn't -- to be on television was so outrageous for me, where i came from. you know, seven of us, one bathroom. dad was a high school teacher. that's like saying you're going to be the first man on the moon. so it took me a while to believe it. like i'm going to be one of those guys on tv? n, that -- get out of town. >> jimmy: amazing. >> it worked out for me. i feel very lucky. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, it worked out for all of us, in a way. thank you for being here. i hope you'll come again soon. by the way, we have science bob, speaking of teachers, he's going to do some demonstrations. can you stay for that? >> you know, this is the -- this
12:14 am
is weird. but i'm actually having dinner with david spade. >> jimmy: oh, okay, all right. >> i've got to go. i turn it down, he'll be like, boop, boop, boop! >> jimmy: yeah, you don't want to get the sound effects. [ cheers and applause ] dana carvey, new episodes of "fly on the wall" with david spade on wednesdays. we'll be right back with science bob. [ cheers and applause ] once-weekly ozempic® can help. ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ ozempic® is proven to lower a1c. most people who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. and you may lose weight. adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. in adults also with known heart disease, ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as heart attack, stroke, or death. ozempic® helped me get back in my type 2 diabetes zone. ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it.
12:15 am
stop ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. looking to get back in your type 2 diabetes zone? ask your health care provider today about once-weekly ozempic®. ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ you may pay as little as $25 for a 3-month prescription.
12:16 am
how did kellogg's combine crunchy oat clusters with a touch of honey... plump, juicy raisins and tasty fiber into one delicious cereal? it took a lot of bran-storming. get it? kellogg's raisin bran crunch. two scoops of delicious.
12:17 am
for your most brilliant smile, crest has you covered. “nice smile, brad.” “nice!” “thanks?” crest 3d white. 100% more stain removal. crest. the #1 toothpaste brand in america. i'll see you later, alright? ♪ ♪ mmmm (children's laughter) ♪ ♪ that is so cool! good job! ♪ ♪ hey!! how're you doing? it's so good to see you! ♪ we could walk forever ♪ ( ♪♪ ) ♪ walking on ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪
12:18 am
♪ some ♪ ♪ may say ♪ ♪ i'm wishing my days away ♪ ♪ no way ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪
12:19 am
♪ stack that cheddar, make it melt. ♪ ♪ cook it up, stretch it out. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado live in the golden state ♪ do you know any celebrity
12:20 am
impressions? >> um -- stallone. "yo, adrian, could you like, i don't know, ask them to pass the mustard?" >> what movie is that from? >> that was kind of improvised from "rocky." >> do you do "rocky ii"? >> "look, adrian, i never asked you to stop being a woman, so maybe you wouldn't mind not asking me to be a man." >> can you do "rocky iii"? >> "you ain't nothing, balboa!" "yeah, well, maybe you got a big mouth." "well, maybe you'd like to come down here and close it for me!" "anytime." >> now 4. >> "i must break him. he's like a piece of iron." >> now 5. >> no, i know i'm ready for this, rock. all i've got to do is have you in my corner. i know i can win. "look, kid, it takes a lot more than just, you know, muscle to win. it takes a lot more than the drive. you know, you've got to have heart." "but i got all that, rock, i got all of it."
12:21 am
"i just don't think i'm ready." >> i guess i haven't seen that oe. [ cheers and applause ] buy one favorite like a big mac and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's.
12:22 am
♪ it's a lovely day today ♪ and get another for just a ♪ so whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ you've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true ♪ [ chuckling ] ♪ and i hope whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ is something that... ♪ [ music stops ] [ beeping ] cars built with safety in mind, even for those guys. the volkswagen atlas with standard front assist. ♪ ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ tú tienes el toque...
12:23 am
now go and deja tu huella. it's a cheetos thing. ♪ i stand alone ♪ ♪ and the fire in the sky ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wait and see ♪ ♪ shadow down ♪ ♪ fall into line ♪ ♪ you're out of time ♪ you know that show i was telling you about? yeah i was so close to the stage when i saw her and she... she pulled me in. wasn't expecting that. it was literally... literally the greatest thing i've ever seen...
12:24 am
scene... it was such a scene, but i looked pretty hot... so hot. i mean the look on his face... face it! you really missed out on the best time... time of our lives. you really had to be there. when you're with amex, you always have a story to tell. it's never a question of if it's going to happen... it's when. ♪♪ [sleep app ] close your eyes. deep breath in. i mean, obviously, let it out. ghaa. yeah, i'm not really sure if this is working either. it was a tragedy. with knockoff batteries, little miss cupcake never stood a chance. until, energizer ultimate lithium. who wants a cupcake? the number one longest-lasting aa battery. yay! case closed. panera chefs have crafted a masterpiece... the number one longest-lasting succulent, seared chicken... a secret aioli... clean ingredients... in a buttery brioche roll. made fresh, to leave you...
12:25 am
speechless. panera's new chef's chicken sandwiches. $1 delivery fee on our app. e controller, only yiu will save taxpayers money. wait, who, me? me? no, not you. yvonne yiu. yvonne yiu. not me. good choice. for 25 years, yiu worked as an executive at top financial firms. managed hundreds of audits. as mayor, she saved taxpayers over $55 million. finding waste. saving money. because... yiu is for you. yiu is for you. exactly. yvonne yiu. democrat for controller.
12:26 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello there. not since leonardo davinci invented the beer bong has a man of science brought so much joy to the world as our next guest. he is making his 20th appearance on our show, please welcome "science bob" pflugfelder. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? congratulations on this mmentous occasion. 20 appearances. >> i'm amazed. you guys keep inviting me back. >> jimmy: that's like a whole month of shows or something like that. >> it is, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is this? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] if it isn't pflugfelder. say hello to his little big brother, i'm science todd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: science todd? >> yeah, i know a lot more about science than this little munchkin, get over here! big brother. >> jimmy: great to meet you, science todd. i didn't know you had a brother, bob. >> he did a lot of experiments . [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did?
12:27 am
>> my testicles never grew back. [ laughter ] science todd! >> jimmy: science todd. older brother of science bob. >> all right. >> what are you going to do? >> jimmy: science todd, we'd love to have you join us for this demonstration. >> all right. >> see if he doesn't blow it this time. what do you got? >> jimmy: what do you got, bob? >> let's do a little fire science.p>> fire science? i wondered what happened to our cat. [ laughter ] >> there you go. we'll give you a pair of goggles. >> goggles won't save us. [ laughter ] >> these will go over your glasses, bro. >> don't tell me what to do, i'm the big brother. telling me what to do. >> jimmy: you know how kids are. >> all right. fire science. >> jimmy: fire science. >> here's what we're going to do. here in california we have this big problem with wildfires. a big part of it is the fact that it's so hilly. and fire will rise very quickly up the hill. slowly go down, rise up. >> everybody knows that.
12:28 am
what's he talking about? >> jimmy: he's your brother, i don't know. >> science todd, that's for you. jimmy, that's for you. >> jimmy: we drink this? >> no, please don't. [ laughter ] here's what we're going to do. we've got ten feet of gutter here. aluminum gutter. along the path here we've got little bits of what's called fire paste along here. >> jimmy: okay. >> here's what i'm going to do. i'm going to light a little bit at the bottom here. >> jimmy: all right. >> there we go. >> this is how it started in 1968. >> you guys go ahead and open those up. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm going to have you pour that down the gutter. >> jimmy: okay. >> say please, baby bro. >> please. >> jimmy: you're saying this is what starts the wildfires? >> this is why they climb up hills. that's going to drip down. you're going to see it hit this flame. and then it's going to move -- >> it's like a satanic ritual. >> there we go. going to walk up this hill. if all goes well, when it does that, as it goes along, it's going to light these little fire
12:29 am
paste candles. >> jimmy: it's kind of beautiful, huh, bob? >> yeah, it's getting there. >> the land of crock pot with lord racknu. fire will heal those who bow down to it. [ laughter ] eat the fire, little brother, come on! ha ha! ha ha! eat the fire, you little -- >> this is why we have backup here. i'm going to get a little more ethanol there. this is ethanol. biofuel. there we go. now it's going, there we go. climbing up, come on, flames. there we go. >> jimmy: yeah, here in california, we don't root for the flames. >> oh, that's true. [ laughter ] good point, good point. >> jimmy: we try to put them out is what we do. >> i think we've got enough of them now for the next part. we're going to put them out in kind of an interesting way. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> kind of interesting? >> jimmy: that's as high as we shoot here. [ laughter ] >> we're going to use a home kind of version. you ever do the vinegar and baking soda reaction? > of course, i'm science todd,
12:30 am
what are you talking about? [ laughter ] i've done all these experiments. >> todd, come over here, grab this little pitcher there. here's what we're going to do. in a moment we're going to have that's going to create carbon dioxide gas. >> aahh! >> you can pour it in. all right, then you're going to pour the gas. not the liquid. go ahead, you can pick that up. there you go. >> jesus, a lot of pouring and lifting. >> just the gas. not the liquid. go ahead, pour that. just like that. >> jimmy: oh, look at that, wow. the gas ran down the hill? >> as the gas goes down. [ applause ] there's a little liquid in there. >> yes, can follow directions. >> jimmy: all right. >> i like to pour! ha ha! >> jimmy: science todd, i think you're doing it wrong, but that's okay. we're going to take a break right now. when we come back, we'll have science bob and science todd -- gosh, i don't know which one is which -- after this. we'll be right back.
12:31 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ thousands of women with metastatic breast cancer... are living in the moment and taking ibrance. ibrance with an aromatase inhibitor is for postmenopausal women or for men with hr+/her2- metastatic breast cancer as the first hormonal based therapy. ibrance plus letrozole significantly delayed disease progression versus letrozole. ibrance may cause low white blood cell counts that may lead to serious infections. ibrance may cause severe inflammation of the lungs. both of these can lead to death. tell your doctor if you have new or worsening chest pain, cough, or trouble breathing. before taking ibrance, tell your doctor if you have fever, chills, or other signs of infection,... liver or kidney problems, are or plan to become pregnant,
12:32 am
or are breastfeeding. for more information about side effects talk to your doctor. be in your moment. fantastic! ask your doctor about ibrance. ♪ >> jimmy: we are back with science bob and science todd. >> yeah! >> jimmy: science bob, what have you constructed here for us? >> all right, well you know,
12:33 am
there are engineers that are exploring the ocean, exploring the seas. sometimes engineers just get together and build fun stuff for parties. so what we've got here is i got together with a friend of mine, and we designed you a custom nerf super suit. >> jimmy: this is great. >> basically, if you can turn around there, science todd. we've got 1,200 nerf balls in here. we're going to pressurize these tanks. that's going to send them to a vortex system which shoots them out this tube, which is basically used for washing machines. that's going to go in here. there are some flywheels in here that are going to give it a final push at the very end. we can fire, if all goes well, 15 to 20 shots per second. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. it's kind of fun. so i'll have you guys can battle each other -- >> i don't like it, i love it! >> jimmy: look at this. >> oh, gee.
12:34 am
i didn't even tell you, yes. we've also got these little foam things here, those will fire your rockets. >> ha ha! ha! hey, science bob! >> jimmy: the audience is now wearing masks and goggles. it's really like being in a coal mine here. >> all right, so we'll see if all this goes -- we'll send you down there, i'll loosely keep track. there you go. get ready -- >> jimmy: where do i go? right here? >> get ready. >> jimmy: wait, are we supposed to shoot each other? >> yeah, yeah. i'll keep track. >> jimmy: or we can both fire on you, you realize that, right? >> i did not. >> jimmy: you're right in the middle. >> yeah! >> no, wait, each other, no, that way, no, no! that way, go, go! [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, help me! >> jimmy: what is this? [ cheers and applause ]
12:35 am
>> yeah, yeah, yeah! yeah, yeah! >> jimmy: it hurts. i'm on fire! i'm on fire, science bob! look at this. i am literally on fire. >> he's on fire. >> you get back, you get back! >> jimmy: oh my gosh. wow. let me tell you something. >> guillermo: this is great. >> you've got to dance. >> hey, that was spectacular! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that was great, science bob, thank you so much. >> my brother did well. >> jimmy: seriously, we could head out to hollywood boulevard and really scare the crap out of some people out there, right? >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: we could let loose. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, you're out of bullets! get back, you! thank you, science bob. >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: for once again delighting us. thank you, science todd, for being here as well.
12:36 am
>> i'm science todd. [ cheers and applause ] my brother did good. >> jimmy: poor david spade is sitting alone at the cheesecake factory right now. [ laughter ] you can find more information about what just happened here at thanks to dana carvey, thanks to science bob, thanks to guillermo. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, jerrod carmichael and james hong with music from the black keys. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, goodnight. [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, as the country mourns the violence in buffalo -- >> it's a lot of people dead in will. >> -- we're on the scene as a community tries to make sense of it all. >> no matter what happens to us, we might be shaken, we might be thrown down, we might be cast down, but we will never be destroyed. >> the shooter striking at the heart of a vibrant black neighborhood. >> we don't got the ymcas no more. so tops is for us it's like our community center. he with meet there every day. we in tops every single day. that's where we live at, there. every single day we're there. >> what we're learning about the victims, just trying to go about their daily lives. >> my mother is the glue that held us


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on