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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 29, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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dion: thanks so much for watching, everybody. dan: >> lou: from brooklyn, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ben stiller, desus nice, and music from yeah yeah yeahs. presented by baileys. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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. >> jimmy: hi, everybody. wow. appreciate that. it's very nice. thank you. hello, brooklyn. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i appreciate it. i don't deserve it, but i appreciate it. thank you for coming and for lining up and being here and joining us. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. this is our fourth night from the beautiful howard gillman opera house at the brooklyn academy of music, b.a.m. it was a beautiful day in new york today. what a beautiful day it was. we've had a great week. [ cheers ] not only do i love brooklyn, my kids love brooklyn. i've got two little kids. although i'm not sure they're going to be the same when we get back. my son billy, who is 5, first he learned about the middle finger. [ laughter ] thank you. and then last night after the show, he's running, and he falls, and he goes, ""right in the balls! dad, what are balls?" [ laughter ] i didn't tell him.
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anyway, i'm sure you will. brooklyn is a magical place. last night a few of us decided to go out and do something you can only do in new york. so we spent $700 on two days' worth of groceries and carried them up six flights of stairs. [ cheers and applause ] a magical experience. hey, where is guillermo? guillermo has been -- oh, guillermo, what are you doing on the tv, guillermo? >> guillermo: hey, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] sorry, i'm here. >> jimmy: where? where is "here"? >> guillermo: at the apple store across the street. i need to get my phone fixed. >> jimmy: what happened to your phone? >> guillermo: it just broke. >> jimmy: you can't do that on your own time? we've got the show here. >> guillermo: no, i have too many plans on my own time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: please come back and do that later. we're in the middle of the show, people are excited to see you. [ cheers ] >> guillermo: hold on jimmy. i think the apple guy is coming
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with my phone. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> hi, sir, how are you doing? [ cheers and applause ] i was talking to my manager, he says there's no way we can make the birds any less angry, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: damn. >> jimmy: the apple guy looks a little bit like jon stewart, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: where, where? >> how you doing, jimmy? >> jimmy: jon, i'm unclear on what's happening. you're wog at the apple store now? >> well, my new show is on apple plus. >> jimmy: i know that, yeah. >> you do know that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> could you tell people? [ laughter ] second season, october seventh, it's coming out, i promise. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: october 7th, i'll mention that to others. >> thank you. >> jimmy: hold on. but what does being on apple tv plus have to do with working at the apple store? >> it's the "plus" part. [ laughter ] i'm here monday through friday.
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the lady from "ted lasso" got weekends. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, that's very unusual, i think. >> yeah, i thought it was strange, too. i've got to run, i'm sorry. i've got a customer. she wants me to sync her icloud to her apple watch to her ipad macbook pro arcade -- >> jimmy: it sounds like you're naming apple products now. >> because they're so great. 37 pro plus x! diet iphone- with zoomability. help me, they have my passport! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jon stewart. only in new york. you get back here, guillermo. it is a great time to be a baseball ban in this city. [ laughter ] did you see aaron judge last night? [ cheers and applause ] after being stalled at 60 home runs for just over a week, judge hit historic number 61. >> and the 3-2. deep to left field! this could be it!
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see ya! he's done it! number 61! he's been chasing history, and now he makes it! he and roger maris are tied with 61 home runs, the most anybody's ever hit in a single season in american league history! >> jimmy: it was a big moment. the ball itself was like a flying lotto ticket. it could be worth anywhere from $200,000 to $250,000. obviously the fans in the stands in toronto were very anxious to catch it. lots of people brought gloves. which is always kind of funny. but this guy. it bounced off his glove. [ laughter ] he had a real shot at it. it's not as easy as it looks but the announcers, they kind of rubbed it in. >> that fellow in the blue jays jersey came to the game, maybe he was hoping to catch the ball, maybe not, maybe it's a coincidence he's sitting did. look how close he came. he got a glove on it.
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5' 5'10", if he were 6'1", he would have that. >> he can't believe it. he threw hit glove back. he is sick. you come to a ball game, and out of all the seats you could possibly sit in, he was sitting in the right seat. his arm wasn't long enough. oh, what a heartbreak. he is not happy. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] of course he's not happy, he's got no ball and short little arms. [ laughter ] i'm not sure how some of the sleuths who work here at the show were able to track this unfortunate man down. joining us live from toronto now, the guy who almost caught -- [ cheers and applause ] -- aaron judge's ball, kyle mulligan. hi, kyle. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: how are you feeling today, kyle? >> terrible. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tell us what happened. we saw what happened. from your perspective, how did that go? >> i went to that game thinking i was going to catch that ball. i told everybody, i'm going to
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come home with that ball. i knew it was coming. i was ready for it. i went for it. and i think frankie lasagna, the guy that everybody thinks i am, bumped my glove a little and missed it, like two inches. >> jimmy: what are the odds a guy named frankie lasagna would not be from the bronx? [ laughter ] what do you do for a living? >> i'm an electrical contractor, i've got five employees. >> jimmy: you're an electrical -- should people whose homes you worked on be concerned you screwed up their wiring too? [ laughter ] >> absolutely not. i'm a better electrician than i am a baseball player. >> jimmy: if you had been able to catch the ball, what was your plan? what were you going to do with it? >> well, i would have put these kids of mine through college. >> jimmy: oh. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so your children literally are not going to college because of -- [ laughter ] >> they'll be all right still. but i mean, that would have helped, six figures, right? >> jimmy: well, we don't want you to end up empty-handed, even
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though that's kind of why you're on the show in the first place. [ laughter ] we're going to give you a trip for you and your wife to come to new york city for new year's eve so you can see the ball drop. [ cheers and applause ] through no fault of your own, okay? thank you, kyle. give our love to canada, all right? [ laughter ] >> wow, thanks. bye, guys! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: poor guy. aaron judge, by the way, aaron has i think seven games left to break the american league record. but he is very unlikely to break the major league record held by barry bonds. bonds hit 73 home runs. the difference, though -- unlike barry bonds, aaron judge can still fit his head through the neck hole of his sweaters. [ laughter ] more importantly, in queens last night, this happened. >> a punch through the hole, base hit! here comes lindor! the throw to the plate, lindor, safe.
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and the mets win it! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mets are back on top of the national league east. they have a series stin atlanta starting tomorrow. mets are like charlie brown before he's kicking the football the whole time. down in florida hurricane ian seems to have a sense of humor. i cannot think of a visual that better encapsulates what it's like to be a trump supporter than a shirtless moron using the power of brandon to fight the wind. donald trump is in florida right now, but don't worry, his magic sharpie will protect him from the hurricane. [ laughter ] i thought this was interesting. one of trump's most loyal maga-maggots is congresswoman marjorie taylor greene. she's getting divorced. her husband, perry greene, filed for divorce yesterday after 27 years. [ applause ]
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well, it's nothing to -- his original sentence was 30 years, but the judge shaved three years off for good behavior. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] in the space where he had to state the reason for the divorce he wrote, "i am married to marjorie taylor greene." [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? good to see you, man. [ cheers and applause ] beautiful. >> jimmy: i thought you had to work, what's going on? >> i'm laugh. >> jimmy: i see what's going on. you misse audience, you missed the studio. [ cheers and applause ] you want to soak up the live applause. go ahead, i get it, i get it. >> it's nice. no, i do miss it. it's really nice. but, you know, there's also --
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somebody owes me $8,816. [ laughter ] guillermo, he bought a bunch of macbooks. so if you could just -- >> jimmy: i have to pay for them? >> that's right. >> jimmy: why am i paying for this? >> guillermo: you have a lot of money, dude. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right. >> oh, diner's club, look at you! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just pretend to put that right in there. >> oop! oop! o oop! where do you want that emailed to? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, send to it -- what email do you have? >> tequiladaddy38. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's him. thank you, jon stewart! [ cheers and applause ] >> love you. >> jimmy: isn't that something? all right. anybody want my wallet? there you go.
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[ rim shot ] hey, now. we got a great show for you tonight. dees suss nice is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we've got music from the yeah yeah yeahs here tonight. and be right back with ben stiller, stick around!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right, welcome back. tonight, representing the bronx, dees desus nice is with us. then later, making their first tv performance in a decade, their new album, "cool it down" comes out tomorrow. music from new york's own yeah yeah yeahs. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, jason bateman will be here.
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you know him from "teen wolf 2." [ laughter ] unfortunately, paul simon, who i was so excited, i've always wanted to meet paul simon, had to cancel because he has covid. he's doing fine, he's doing well, but didn't want anybody to get sick. so filling in for paul tomorrow in our music slot is action bronson. which is really the same thing. [ laughter ] i think he's going to do "kodachrome." >> that will be awesome. >> jimmy: if you were coming tomorrow to see paul, stay home. [ laughter ] our first guest is a very gifted man who's been called many things, including gaylord focker, derek zoolander, and the guy who got his scrotum stuck in a zipper. [ cheers ] he's the producer and director of the great show "severance." season one is on apple tv plus now. please welcome ben stiller. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: how are you? >> hey. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> thanks, man. great to be here. >> jimmy: you are so talented, it's absolutely -- it's almost depressing, i have to say. >> thank you, that's very nice of you. i'm happy to be part of your brooklyn thing. >> jimmy: i'm happy you're here. >> i grew up in manhattan but i have so many brooklyn connections. >> jimmy: what are your brooklyn connections? >> my dad grew up in brooklyn, my mom was born in brooklyn. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's a good connection. >> one of the first things i directed was colin quinn's special "back to brooklyn." remote control, mtv in the early days, we did a parody called "going back to brooklyn." >> jimmy: the great and wildly underappreciated colin quinn, one of the funniest guys in the whole world. [ cheers ] >> so funny.
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♪ going back to brooklyn brooklyn brooklyn i'm going back to brooklyn i don't think so ♪ >> jimmy: when we do the show in new york we want to get people who really represent the city. there's nobody i think that is more a new yorker than you are. i mean, you are -- you've lived here your whole life, right? >> i have. well, not my whole life. before you applaud, i moved to california for 20 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 20? >> i lived in l.a. for 20 years then came back about 13, 14 years ago. >> jimmy: i wish i'd known this beforehand, i never would have asked you to come. [ laughter ] >> i'm sorry, am i disqualified? do i have to go? yeah, i grew up in the city. then when we came back, we got a house out in westchester in the suburbs. because i always loved the idea of the suburbs. i was fascinated. i grew up in new york, so it was just like this -- >> jimmy: roman sized the suburbs. >> yeah. out there it's very -- it's bucolic. and i grew up with, like, things like -- i remember rats on the street. we all know rats on the street in new york.
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cockroaches. and out there, you get things like an infestation of ladybugs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is true? >> yeah. we had ladybugs in the house. and for a while i thought it was cute. before i thought it was disgusting. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you made the turn. >> yeah. because they're really just, like -- they're bugs. i mean, they have this cute little, you know -- they have polka dots, which is great. [ laughter ] but, you know, they really are -- they just like -- and they fly around. i can't kill them because they're a ladybug. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> so i flick them. i flick them away to give them just sort of -- it's sort of like an intention to just leave, but a serious intention. you know, i think it's sort of -- their cuteness is sort of their darwinian way of surviving. >> jimmy: it is, but it doesn't seem like -- it seems like the only people who acknowledge that would be humans. like, other birds are not like, "that's too cute to eat." >> i guess not. yeah. definitely it works with humans. you're not going to stomp, you know -- it's like stomping a kid
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>> jimmy: right, right. ella.- >> you're going to feel too guilty. guilt is how they survive. >> jimmy: they're basically like a cockroach with a paint job. [ laughter ] >> yeah, for sure. >> jimmy: i heard you're working on a documentary about your parents. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great people as well. >> yes. >> jimmy: i had the pleasure of meeting both of them. >> yeah. >> jimmy: really, really great people. >> yeah, they were amazing. and yeah, it's been -- it's cool to have all this footage, and just material, of them. and it's been -- i'm still kind of in the middle of it. but just, you know -- my dad recorded so much. he just would make audio recordings around the house all the time. >> jimmy: that's so great he did that. >> he wouldn't tell us when he was doing it. i have stuff when i was younger, when i was 7, 8 years old, getting into arguments with my sister. he recorded conversations in rehearsals with my mom, that sometimes -- their act was, you know -- they had an act together. they did "ed sullivan" like 30
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times. he would take their lives and the material that came out of their marriage, they would turn it into comedy. so it's really interesting to see how the lines sort s blurre them in terms of real life and their relationship and how they turned it into crete different. >> jimmy: it's amazing. very forward thinking. now people think of a joke, they put it on their phone. your dad was doing that -- invented it. >> exactly. with a giant -- a cassette recorder or a reel to reel. i said to him when i was a kid, when you die, can i have this tape recorder? >> jimmy: you brought some video, some film, that your dad shot, right? >> yes, he was very -- my dad, he was always recording and always filming. he gave me my first super 8 camera. he would film us all the time. he was also very overprotective. when i decided i was going to walk to school by myself for the first time is when i was in third grade, he followed me in a car.
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[ laughter ] shot footage of me walking to school on my own. >> jimmy: i think we have some of that. >> yeah. this is literally me thinking that i'm on my own, by myself in new york city. but jerry stiller is in a car with a super 8 camera, filming me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what year was that? >> that's probably, like, 1973. that's our building, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's great. [ applause ] >> literally, when he was doing that, a cop stopped him. [ laughter ] "why are you filming that child?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's -- that's good. hey, listen, the cops were very -- they were vigilant at that time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how old are your kids now? >> my daughter is 20 years old. my son's 17. my son, quinn, a huge guillermo fan. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> guillermo: thank you. >> every time i come, i have to get a picture. >> jimmy: clapping. >> my daughter's 20, she's in drama school. >> jimmy: really? >> so this summer, my daughter,
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she's in drama school. one of her classmates is british. she's in london. in hyde park. and she's in hyde park, and she sees this guy go by on a bicycle, sees something drop out of his pocket. she goes up, picks up the wallet, it's a wallet. she opens it up. she sees credit cards and a driver's license. it says "owen wilson." so she goes to the english policeman, the bobby -- the bobby? constable? >> jimmy: i think so, yeah. >> and she says, hey, i just found -- i think owen wilson dropped his driver's license and his credit cards what should i do? he says, maybe you should go on a spending spree. [ laughter ] she's like, well -- i don't -- okay. she's not going to help her. then she remembers, wait a minute, i think ella's dad is friends with owen wilson. she called ella. ella texted me, my friend just found your friend, owen
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wilson's, wallet. i texted owen. and i said, hey, if you want your wallet back, text me right away. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> yeah. then five minutes later i get a text back. >> jimmy: wow. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: unbelievable. binn stiller is here. be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" in brooklyn are brought to you by baileys. treat yourself to our new limited edition baileys s'mores this campfire season. learn more at to help protect from hiv, i prep without pills. with apretude a prescription medicine used to reduce the risk of hiv without daily prep pills. with one shot every other month, just 6 times a year. in studies, apretude was proven superior to a daily prep pill in reducing the risk of hiv. you must be hiv negative to receive apretude and get tested before each injection.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ how you doing? >> oh-oh. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is "severance." which you can see on apple tv plus. ben stiller, you directed that particular episode? >> yeah, that's the great tramel tillman, adam scott doing the best white man dance ever.
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[ laughter ] yeah, no, it's a weird show. it's been fun. >> jimmy: it's a weird show, it's a great show. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's absolutely great. i tell people, you got it. the way it ends is so interesting. i'm going to tell you something. do you look at people's theories online? >> every once in a whole i'll dip in, but it's dangerous, because you can go down -- wow, that guy's right, we should have done that! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i took the kind of -- the founder of this weird company is named kier egan. i spent a lot of time rearranging the letters to see if it meant anything. because i thought, this is such a weird name, it's got to mean something. the only thing i came up with was "ikea anger." [ laughter ] >> i had not heard that one. >> jimmy: is there a furniture assembly, some plot maybe we can learn about? be honest, you have to tell me
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if i've discovered this. >> i -- no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> but i really like that. i love your commitment to it and that you're so into it. >> jimmy: i really haven't felt about this since "lost," i think, where i was trying to figure it out. >> yeah, it's interesting because there is a lot in there to figure out. then it's also got space in there for people to kind of fill in their ideas and to theorize. you know, when you're making -- we were making it during covid, you know, for a while. we were in a bubble. we didn't know if anybody was going to really watch it. >> right. >> it's fun to see people really invest in it. now this second season, we're just starting up the second season, it's a different situation. because we're just aware that people now have an expectation. >> jimmy: right. >> okay, what does that mean? what does this thing mean? >> jimmy: right. it makes it harder, i guess? >> it's a little bit more pressure, i think. you don't want to let people down. it's also fun to know there's an audience out there waiting to see it, too. >> jimmy: i mentioned your new yorkness a moment ago. you know, i would assume you know a lot about new york.
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we thought it would be fun to let people on the street ask you questions about new york. would you be willing to accept this challenge? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, all right. [ cheers and applause ] outside we have people from the area lined up with questions for you about the city. you ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's go out to our first. hi, what's your name and what is your question for ben? >> hi, ben. hi, jimmy. my name is loretta james. what's the best way to spend a free day in brooklyn? >> ah, okay. i think -- i would start with a nice walk through prospect park. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. through the botanical gardens, yeah? maybe wrap it up with a nice slice of cheesecake at junior's. >> jimmy: classic. [ applause ] all right, well done. boy, you rattled that right off. let's meet another new yorker. >> hi, ben, my name is mike. big fan. >> thank you, man. >> can't get my heat to work,
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any suggestions? >> do you live at 631 east eleventh? >> wow, yeah, i do. >> apartment 4-c? >> yes. >> your landlord is harry o'reilly, which means your radiator is a mcquay 238. you'll see a small brass pipe under the left side with a ed valve. [ laughter ] turn it three-quarters of an inch counterclockwise. you know what counterclockwise is? no, no, other way. the other way. then you're going to hear a hissing sound. when you hear the hissing sound, you're going to want to push the buttons in the following order. off, high, on, low, high, high, cool, heat, off, high, high. all right? then you want to do elbow, elbow, hip, then give it a little hip thrust.
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>> wow. >> yeah. >> thanks! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very specific question. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we have one more, all right. one more. >> hi, ben. >> hey, man. >> what's the best place to get a pizza in new york? >> jimmy: that's a dangerous question. >> i'm going to have to say either lucali or f&f or difara's or maybe paulie gee's or l&b. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all great. >> all right. >> all great. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: yeah, no problem. >> jimmy, what are you talking about? what are you talking about? [ applause ] >> jimmy: jon. >> i was on my vape break, i overheard some new york pizza misinformation. the answer is, ben -- john's on bleeker for the best pie. [ cheers and applause ] john's on bleeker, that's what i'm talking about. >> spoken like someone who doesn't have the balls to cross the willie b out to brooklyn.
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>> what this doesn't have the balls? doesn't have the balls? benjamin, i take a cold plunge in the hudson every morning. don't tell me about balls. >> wow. >> i got balls. >> yeah, jon, real brave to swim in the hudson now that they've cleaned it. [ laughter ] i was splashing around in that thing in the '70s. my first set of water wings was two dirty diapers. [ laughter ] >> i lost my virginity in a hotdog cart on the "e" train, don't tell me about new york! [ laughter ] >> that sounds awful. >> hot dog water is surprisingly sensual, to be honest. [ laughter ] >> jon, face it, you're from new jersey, okay? >> jimmy: that is true. >> you want to meet these fockers? let me tell you something, ben -- [ laughter ] you keep sweet lady jersey's name out of your dirty [ bleep ] mouth, you hear me? [ laughter and applause ] out of your birthy [ bleep ] mouth! aahhh! >> that's so weird, jon. that's not what she said last night.
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>> jimmy: there's no need to fight. [ cheers and applause ] and also, i should point out, you forgot joe's on carmine. >> give me a [ bleep ] break. >> that's bull [ bleep ]. >> where do you put that slice, in your purse? >> you don't know new york at all. come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "severance" is on apple tv plus now. ben stiller, jon stewart. we'll be right back with desus nice. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [music: better and better by danger twins] ♪♪ ♪ drop the confetti time to start it up ♪ ♪ let's go ♪ ♪♪ ♪ better get ready it's about to bust ♪ ♪♪ almost there. two minutes completed. burned calories... ♪ let's go ♪ ♪ it's getting better all the time ♪ ♪ lets go ♪ ♪ i think i'm gonna make you mine ♪ ♪ let's go ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow, so nice to be out here camping and making s'mores with my best friend. >> guillermo: yeah, i wish my best friend was here too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> guillermo: can i tell you a ghost story? >> jimmy: do i have a choice? >> guillermo: no. years ago, there was a scary house on a hill. inside the house was a scary guy. he was very scary. and then some people came in and he scared them so much. it was so scary that they got scared. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness, that's a terrifying story. do you want me to tell you a happy one know, change the vibe? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, please. >> jimmy: okay. once upon a time, the fine people at baileys decided to make a new limited-time flavor made with the unmistakable taste of baileys irish cream called baileys s'mores liqueur.
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it was designed to taste like the delicious treats you make around the campfire. marshmallow, chocolate, and graham crackers. all those flavors at once. the end. >> guillermo: that was a good story. she try again? >> jimmy: give it a whirl. scare me. >> guillermo: once upon a time there was a scary house on a -- >> jimmy: a hill? >> guillermo: to. a flat street. a very scary flat street. >> lou: baileys s'mores is available nationwide for a limited time wherever spirits-based beverages are sold. for more information please visit who says you can't get everything you want? like going for bold without going broke...
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ask your health care provider about the ozempic® tri-zone. announcer: you may pay as little as $25 for a 3-month prescription. this just in! a giant robot has landed downtown. ♪ heroic music ♪ ♪ hey, craig... hey, guys... this is just my workout stuff. we know you're the green hawk. everyone knows. [laughs] what? that's bananas. you're still wearing your mask, dude. if you have a secret identity, you need to keep it secret. and if you want to save by bundling home and car insurance, you need geico. i'm not the green hawk. [knock knock] delivery for the green hawk? see how much you could save by bundling with geico. - green... - i will bring it to him. got our favorites, chicken mcnuggets. let me guess, a big mac? what's that? where's my mcnugget, dad? what mcnugget? i can literally see it! buy one favorite like 10 piece mcnuggets and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's.
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zyrteeeec works hard at hour one and twice as hard when you take it again the next day. so betty can be the barcode beat conductor. ♪♪ go betty! let's be more than our allergies! zeize the day. zyrtec. ♪ remix your routine. make it a hidden valley ranch night. ♪ prop 27 sends 90% of profits from online sports betting make it a hidden valley ranch night. to out-of-state corporations in places like new york and boston. no wonder it's so popular... out there. yeah! i can't believe those idiots are going to fall for this. 90%! hey mark, did you know california
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is sending us all their money? suckers. -those idiots! [ laughter ] imagine that, a whole state made up of suckers. vote no on 27. it's a terrible deal for california. we win. you lose. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: music from yeah yeah yeahs is on the way. our next guest is a proud product of the bronx and a talented pod- and broad-caster who is hosting the bronx defenders' 25th anniversary gala here in new york october 13th. please welcome desus nice. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> what's up? >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i've been here all week, you're the first guest to bring me a pizza, thank you. >> because i have culture, jimmy. listen, i saw the little spat you just had, and you're both wrong. the best pizza comes from cuts and slices. [ cheers. >> jimmy: is that right? wow. >> if you've never had it, the pizza's so great. i'm jamaican. you know. this pizza encapsulates both cultures. we have one of the greatest parts of jamaican culture, we got oxtail. have you ever had oxtail? >> jimmy: many times, yeah, not on a pizza, though. >> my parents don't eat this because this is too decadent.
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>> jimmy: is that right? >> you eat this, the ancestors look down on you like you're wasteful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what would your parents make at your house, why i trial this? >> growing up, i never had pizza, tacos, spaghetti. we'd have casava. after a long day of running around school, you don't want yak, you don't want the hard yams. one time i got in trouble because i asked for pizza. they looked at me, we didn't risk our lives coming from jamaica so you could eat pizza. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's weird. if you're going too take a stand, seems like the wrong one. >> how's it taste? >> jimmy: it's actually really good. it's very good. [ applause ] guillermo, you want one? >> guillermo: yeah, sure. >> jimmy: you take one. >> guillermo: how are you, man? >> jimmy: just so we don't have it in front of us the whole time. very good. thank you for the pizza, i'm sorry you didn't get any, desus.
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[ laughter ] i imagine potentially this could cause an outburst of anger. people are very specific about what is allowed on pizza and what is not. >> people react to pineapple on pizza. ox tail is even worse. we have to protect it. gate keep it. it's becoming way too expensive. >> jimmy: it's the tail of the cow? >> it's the tail. >> jimmy: not really an ox. >> you can't sell cow tail at whole foods. >> jimmy: cow tail doesn't sound good. [ laughter ] >> i took a picture of the slice, put it on twitter, it went vile. something like 12,700 likes. some of the people were, that's a waste of food, what's wong with you americans, that's disgusting, if you don't eat that there will be nothing left to me. >> jimmy: people get upset about the dumbest things possible. what did your parents do for work when they came here? >> my parents came here, my father was a landlord, my mother was a librarian. what she would do, she'd bring books home from the library, before they would throw them
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out. as a kid i thought that was cool, but bringing extra books to school is very nerdy. it wasn't the flex i thought it was. >> jimmy: you'd have a lot of books and bring them to school with you? >> hey, check this out! then i figured out the "national geographic" showed breasts and that changed everything. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: your mom would bring those home for you? >> yeah, she's like, you really want to know about africa? i was like, yes. yes, i do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was a weird thing. i remember that so vividly. it was always for some reason kind of in the back of the "national geographic," right? >> you know, just like -- people start knocking on the door. like, i'm studying! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, right. you started your television career at mtv, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: was that your first job? or did you have work before that? >> no, i'm jamaican, again. i've had every possible job you can have in new york city. my first job, i collected dead rats at a car dealership. >> jimmy: you collected them?
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>> well, i mean -- i picked them up. >> jimmy: i see. >> they weren't pokemon. >> jimmy: why were there dead rats -- >> the exterminator came the week before and put poison all over the car dealership. py job was, after they ate the rat poison and died, i had to use my nose, it always knows, to find the dead rats. i put vick's vaporub here, a bucket, a shovel, put the rats in the barrel with the used motor oil. >> jimmy: why in the barrel with the used motor oil? >> i'm going to get a brand-new garbage bag for this? come on. we're trying to be green, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. you're a knicks fan? >> huge knicks fan. >> jimmy: i didn't know about this before i got here. mayor adams said he's open to the idea of moving madison square garden. would people be upset if you moved -- if you rebuilt madison -- >> before you guys -- listen. every time eric adams does something you have to stop and
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say, what is he getting out of this? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] right? you know that. you know that. okay? he probably just wants to move madison square garden to cut down on his commute, or he wants to put it at some bar so he can party afterwards. >> jimmy: you say he's being -- that's the reason? >> that's the reason. eric adams' objective in life is to cut the lawn to get in the vip. the biggest fear we have of new yorkers is being in a club, turn around, he's behind you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> yes. you could lose your job. >> jimmy: well, it's great to have you here. this organization that you're supporting does great things. >> yeah, shout-out to the bronx defenders. they help people, you know? [ applause ] they help people, families that don't have money, immigrants. people who were arrested and might not know their rights. and i'm working, hosting a gala, and it's important to me. when i got in legal trouble way back in the day, they helped me get out of that. without them, there would be no
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desus now. >> jimmy: the bronx defenders' 25th anniversary gala takes place october 13th in new york. thank you, desus. we'll be right back with music from yeah yeah yeahs.
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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series in brooklyn is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: thanks to ben still ir, desus nice, jon stewart. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, jason bateman and action bronson. "nightline" is next, but first, their album "cool it down" came out moments ago. here with the song, "burning," yeah yeah yeahs! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ believer took me over like a fever caught you hiding in the smoke smoke smoke ♪ ♪ like a meteor i glow glow glow ♪ ♪ ooh
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lay your red hand on me baby ooh ooh as i go ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire
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all that burning ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what you gonna do what you gonna do what you gonna do what you gonna do ♪ ♪ what you gonna do what you gonna do what you gonna do ♪ ♪ well i'll release her from the bindings of her teachers ♪ ♪ what they're hiding there is broke broke broke like the river styx i flow flow flow ♪ ♪ what you gonna do when you get to the water what you gonna do when you get to the water ♪ ♪ what you gonna do when you get to the water what you gonna do when you get to the water ♪ ♪ what you gonna do when you get to the water what you gonna do when you get to the water ♪ ♪ what you gonna do when
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you get to the water what you gonna do when you get to the water ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ into the sea out of fire all that burning ♪ ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, ian. the first look at the catastrophic path of destruction. >> we were hoping it would dodge us, it didn't, it got worse. >> hundreds trappe in their homes. >> we floated all the way up to the ceiling, a foot of air left. >> the dramatic rescues and dire warning. >> this could be the deadliest hurricane in florida's history. >> it's not over. ian regaining strength and taking aim at the carolinas. plus -- >> we're back! >> "hocus pocus 2." nearly 30 years ago, the now-cult classic cast a spell on fans. now the sanderson sisters, played by bette midler,


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