[ cheers and applause ]

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! welcome, everybody. that's the crowd i'm talkin' about. a great new york city crowd -- welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] wow, it's gonna be a fun night. it's gonna be a fun night. thank you so much for watching us. hey, did you guys see this? during a campaign stop in new york this week, joe biden said to a volunteer, "if i had your hair, i would have been president." [ laughter ] in response, the guy was like, "if i had your hair, i wouldn't bring up the subject of hair." [ laughter ] check this out. "esquire" magazine ranked president obama one of the world's best-dressed politicians. while north korean leader kim jong-il was ranked best dressed female janitor who also happens to be a politician.

[ laughter ] that's good, too. [ cheers and applause ] that counts. hey, you guys, i just heard that miley cyrus's parents billy ray and tish are getting a divorce after 17 years of marriage. [ audience aws ] it's kind of weird. it's the first divorce where the kid has to pay parent support. [ laughter ] but it's 2010, that's -- it's a messy divorce. tish is seeking full custody of miley, while billy ray is seeking full custody of hannah montana. [ laughter ] so it's very -- you don't know who's going to win. here's some news for travelers. instead of the usual pat-down, the tsa is now requiring security agents to slide their hands up the inside of a passenger's leg, which explains the most common thing now heard at airports -- "that's not a gun." [ laughter ] "going to see my daughter in connecticut, and -- -- going home for the holidays." [ laughter ] no, no.

[ cheers and applause ] thank you. this was pretty -- yeah, this is a pretty interesting story. a group of nfl wives started a company that aims to reduce extramarital affairs within the league. although, i don't know, it looks like they haven't gotten very favre -- far. [ laughter ] everyone -- no one wants to take responsibility for it. >> steve: not me. this isn't good. the u.n. revealed yesterday that it has had bedbugs since last may. yeah, may of last year. i guess that explains the old saying, "sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs get weapons-grade uranium." [ laughter ] is that what they say? >> steve: that's what they say. >> jimmy: and finally, a court just ruled that voters in arizona don't need to show proof of citizenship at the polls next week. when asked about the ruling, some said they were on the fence, while many said they just hopped over it. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: i'm so excited about tonight's show. one of my comedy idols, the one and only, very funny dana carvey is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's my favorite. so happy. so happy he's on our show. you know them better as "the ghost hunters" from their popular tv show. jason hawes and grant wilson are here to creep us out. [ cheers and applause ] got some weird ghost-huntery stories. and just in time for halloween, we have music from one of the most insane, scariest, monster metal bands you will ever see. gwar is here! [ cheers and applause ] i'm so excited about gwar. i'm so excited about gwar. [ chanting "gwar" ] >> steve: apparently they are as well. hey, guys, today is thursday, which means it's time to remix

the clips. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is where we take stuff we found on the internet and tv, stuff that's funny, weird or interesting, and we have our very own questlove remix it. there he is. a good man. [ cheers and applause ] he does these so good. our first clip comes from last week's new york governor's debate. living in new york you get used to a lot of unique people running for office. but there was one guy who takes unique to a whole new level. check this guy out. >> would you like 30 seconds? >> allow me to introduce myself. i represent the "rent is too damn high" party. people working eight hours a day and 40 hours a week, some with a third job. women can't afford take care of their children, feed their children breakfast, lunch and dinner. my main job is to provide a roof over your head, food on the table and money in your pocket. this is politics as usual. listen, someone's stomach -- a child's stomach just growled. did you hear it? you gotta listen like me. as a karate expert, i will not

talk about anyone up here, because all the children can't afford to live anywhere. nowhere. there's nowhere to go. once again, why? you said it, the rent is too damn high. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: from "the rent is too damn high" party. "i'm a karate expert." [ light laughter ] so -- [ laughter ] what? our next clip comes from our dallas affiliate, nbc channel 5. their sports reporter -- newy scruggs is his name. newy scruggs -- he's covering the world series in san francisco. and he noticed something about the fans there. take a look. this is san francisco, and i can tell you, right over there, there's some people smoking weed. [ laughter ] because it's coming this way. we are truly -- we are truly in san francisco. hey, look, i'm standing here, and i'm like, "that's not cigarettes! that's weed! that's weed!" people smokin' weed over there. they don't care. everybody is trying to get tickets.

avoid these people up here. they want $600 to $700 just for standing room only tickets. and those people who can't, i guess they'll just sit out here and smoke weed like these folks over here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: that's weed. that's weed. newy scruggs. this next clip -- gosh, it's probably one of the funniest things i have ever seen. it comes from south africa. the chairman of a government committee is being interviewed on a national television show when his chair starts to break. take a look. is there a place and a point for them to raise that, or is it a done deal by the time trevor manuel -- >> it's actually an opportunity for members of parliament to -- [ wood cracking ] [ laughter ] -- to actually digest and go through the documentation, which is going to be presented to the public. and the opportunity for proper engagement is actually after the tabling of the -- [ chair breaking ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: oh, my god. you can see it in his face when he just starts to answer the first, it's like -- it's not level. he's not level, and he just keeps talking. and then i was like, "get to the end of the sentence." oh, no. can we do it again? can we show it one more time? because it's funny the second time. is there a place and a point for them to raise that, or is it a done deal by the time trevor manuel -- >> it's actually an opportunity for members of parliament to -- >> jimmy: so far, so good. [ wood cracking ] oh, boy. he looks at her. come on, get through it, buddy. hang in there. you can do it. [ laughter ] hang in there, man. get to the end of your sentence. just -- come on. it's going to be fine. keep -- [ chair breaking ] [ laughter ] oh, gosh. [ cheers and applause ] i could watch that a thousand times. our final clip -- this is just the way weird things just happen sometimes on news, networks or live tv. things just happen. and this thing just happened.

it's from klst, channel 8 in san angelo, texas. heads up, san angelo. tomorrow's weather looks a lot like -- well, see for yourself. the next one behind that could affect us later in the week. [ laughter ] this is how it looks tomorrow. mainly that high is going to steer those storms away from us. the cooler air not going to make it into the concho valley. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the clouds look very -- oh, my goodness. all right, guys, those are the four clips we have today. questlove, let's see what you can do with it, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] [ remixing sounds ] ♪ ♪ mainly that high is going to steer those ♪ ♪ too damn high party too damn high party too damn high party too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is too damn high party too damn high party ♪

♪ everybody is too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is too damn everybody smoking weed over there ♪ ♪ too damn high party too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is smoking, smoking, smoking ♪ ♪ smoking, smoking, smoking smoking, smoking, smoking ♪ smoking weed everybody is too damn high party ♪ ♪ too damn high party too damn high party too damn high party ♪ ♪ too damn high party everybody is too damn high party ♪ ♪ everybody is smoking weed over there ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dude, you're the greatest. give it up for questlove. that is amazing. [ cheers and applause ]

that was just great, buddy. hey, as you guys know, the midterm elections are happening in less than a week. there are a lot of close races taking place over all over the country. you can't really predict who's going to win some of these elections. or can you? ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for "if puppies could vote." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's right. the contest we're predicting tonight is the illinois senate race for president obama's old seat between republican mark kirk and democrat alexi giannoulias. each of these candidates will be represented by two identical bowls of dog food. as you can see here, the red bowl represents mark kirk. the blue bowl represents opponent alexi giannoulias in a moment we're going to release five puppies who will run to the bowl of the candidate they think best represents the good people of illinois. you guys ready to meet the puppies? [ cheers and applause ]

let's bring them out. come on, puppies. ♪ there they are, there. there are the puppies. [ audience aws ] there they are, there. let me introduce you to our impressive panel once again. we have roger blain, brian johnson, kyle mcadams, lisa armstrong and gary frick. [ laughter ] all right, guys, before you vote, i want to give you a quick briefing of the candidates, so listen up. are you guys listening? hey, are you guys listening? gary, gary? all right, here you go. hey, listen up, gary. quit it. i'm sure you know mark kirk is a fiscal conservative. he promises he'll put illinois back to work. alexi is a progressive democrat who says he'll cut taxes for the middle class. you guys focused?

[ laughter ] all right. that should be enough to help you make an informed decision. you guys ready to vote? you ready? let's release the puppies. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we've got two for alexi. oh, it looks like mark kirk. mark kirk is the winner, everybody. we have a decision. [ applause ] hey, everybody. i'll give you more. we'll get back down there. we have our results. the puppies have predicted that mark kirk will win the illinois senate race by a score of 3-2. good job. thanks again to the "late night" puppies. we'll be right back with a brand-new "head swap." so stick around! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] anncr: filmed in front of a fake audience. michelle: go red! female friend: go green! amy: go plaid! michelle: are you cheering for our prep coats? amy: yeah! what were you doing? christopher: got it... don't got it.

female friend 2: your son is a natural. michelle: actually, he's plastic. wesley: and he's open! wesley: he's all right. walk it off son. anncr: this week, prep coats 29 dollars, kids 24, at your neighborhood old navy! out of every hour,f person out of every day.ry minute... leaving plenty of time to-- [ man ] listen to fitz and the tantrums. the t-mobile g2 by htc. ♪ [ pop ] with 4g speeds, it's as turbocharged as you.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome back. you're in for a special treat tonight. i'm so excited. it's time once again to find out what happens when you take the head of one celebrity and put it on the body of another celebrity. it's time for "head swap." [ cheers and applause ]

♪ talkin' about a head swap talkin' about a head swap first you take a head then you put it on another ♪ ♪ body like a kanye west head with a natalie portman body that's a head swap ♪ ♪ first you get two pictures of some famous people then scan the pictures into your computer ♪ ♪ but when you try to open the file it crashes your hard drive so you go to the ♪ ♪ graphics department to see if they can help and you see the graphics guy and he's all bummed out ♪ ♪ you're like what's wrong with you he says this is the worst day of my life ♪ ♪ well, cheer up buddy 'cause it's time to do another head swap so you try to ♪ ♪ act concerned even though it's kind of awkward and you notice a single tear ♪ ♪ running down his cheek tonight is the big office halloween party i got two kit kats ♪ ♪ and a cowboy costume but i just need a partner but no one will go with me he looks you up and down ♪ ♪ and says you'd be perfect you politely decline and then he starts to lose it you know how much halloween ♪ ♪ means to me it reminds me of my childhood when the world was full of wonder ♪ ♪ besides if you don't do it i won't help you with the skit

where we take ♪ ♪ celebrities' heads and put 'em on different bodies it's called head swap so you show up at the bar ♪ ♪ with the graphics guy and you say to the bouncer we're here for the party he winks at you and says ♪ ♪ you've come to the right place and you look around and notice ♪ ♪ it's full of guys and they're all really diggin' your alien cowboy costume ♪ ♪ hey man are you sure this is the halloween party 'cause it looks more like a gay s&m bar ♪ ♪ dude, i have dyslexia i think i screwed up the address on the bright side, i've ♪ ♪ already gotten two free drinks well i'm not gay ♪ well i'm not either ♪ ♪ but it's not like you never thought about it all right, never mind then the guy in ♪ ♪ the leather mask taps you on the shoulder hey there, handsome can i have this dance ♪ ♪ you say thank you but no we're just about to leave but before you know you're both doing ♪ ♪ the cha-cha cha-cha, cha-cha-cha nice move cowboy shut your mouth and listen ♪ ♪ i've got a plan to get us out of here let's just keep on dancing till we make it out ♪ ♪ the front door play it cool and nobody will notice that we left the bar ♪ ♪ to go to work and finish up that bit that we call head swap

so you deftly cross ♪ ♪ the floor towards the exit sign and you finally make it out the front door ♪ ♪ but on the way out you cut in a line of dudes and that's when you realized that you're not getting ♪ ♪ out that evening what's the hurry fellas? the party just started ah, what the hell ♪ ♪ maybe just one drink shot, shot, shot, shot, shot shot, shot, shot, shot shot, shot ♪ ♪ four hours later and you're totally wasted dancing on the bar with the graphics guy ♪ ♪ and the place was really pumping because the boys all know that the alien cowboys ♪ ♪ are the life of the party then you look at the clock and see it's 6:00 a.m. holy crap we have to ♪ ♪ get back to the office pick celebrity heads and put 'em on other bodies i love that bit ♪ ♪ it's really hilarious a light-hearted way to have fun with the stars then the graphics guy ♪ ♪ says he's got a confession to make i lied about the halloween party ♪ ♪ i'm not dyslexic i just thought it would be cool to hang out beyond the work environment ♪ ♪ and test the boundaries of our complicated friendship but more importantly i never have to pay ♪ ♪ for drinks when i'm here and i learned not to judge based on sexual orientation people are people and ♪

♪ we're all god's creatures took an alien cowboy to teach me that i love you, man ♪ ♪ i love you, too oh, my god, you two get a room now that we've solidified ♪ ♪ our relationship is platonic ♪ ♪ we can get back to the office and work on funny bits like puttin' kanye west's head ♪ ♪ on natalie portman's body it's called head swap head swap head swap ♪ ♪ head swap [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with dana carvey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ host: could switching to geico really save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance? do woodchucks chuck wood? (high-pitched laughter) man: hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is an emmy-winning performer and "saturday night live" legend. you can catch his stand-up november 5th at the polk theater in lakeland florida, and november 7th at the parker playhouse in ft. lauderdale, florida. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only dana carvey. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> come on. that was the cockiest -- that was the cockiest strut i've ever done on a talk show. did you notice the attitude? do you have any idea who the hell i am? how are you? anyone over 21 in the house? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love you, man. >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: you're the best. how are you? >> the golden era is back. the golden era of talk shows is back. >> jimmy: i saw you on "saturday night live" last time when you hosted. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: it was a while back, but, man, it was so much fun. >> oh, we were teasing -- you were great, because i was teasing you all week, doing that sort of hans and franzy effeminate thing going, "so long, golden era." as if the show wasn't as good.

"farewell." >> jimmy: "saturday night live" is not as good anymore. oh, so sorry. >> too bad. magic time is over. [ laughter ] and you loved it, and all week long, that's all we did. >> jimmy: i loved it so much. >> farewell. good-bye. it's gone. are you guys enjoying this? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: absolutely. >> wow. i spent 20 minutes arranging these bangs, and it really paid off. [ laughter ] i don't want thighs this big. i ran track in high school, so, there they are. >> jimmy: you don't want weird legs like that, though. >> well, yeah, i know, but -- >> jimmy: that's a real stress there. >> so anyway, yeah. what do we want to talk about? >> jimmy: i don't know, everything. i want to know, like, do you remember your audition for "saturday night live"? >> oh, i did, yeah. i auditioned, i followed sam kinison at midnight. i did "the church lady." kinison's up there -- [ screaming ] and then i went up -- [ cheers ] yeah, i know, the greatest, right? and i'm on at midnight -- "well, isn't that special?" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, they didn't know that at the time. >> call the crickets. [ crickets chirping ] i'm going, "career fading," and then i did -- lorne michaels gave me the show.

i leaned in on rosie o'donnell's show at igby's and lorne -- >> jimmy: you got a second shot? >> lorne came by with cher, just so that i was having a heart attack before the show. so cher is there with the head of "saturday night live," and i did get the show that night. >> jimmy: nerve-racking. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you kicked butt and you did it. >> my first season, keith richards was a host. and that was a real education. keith richards, yeah, was the host of the show. and he did have an adult beverage about this big. [ laughter ] and this is a true story. during a break on the show, like a 5:00 dinner break, i'm in my cubicle with my props, and i see keith richards wandering. and that week, there was a horse on the show -- this is a true story. so there's the horse, there's keith richards, i'm in my cubicle. he can't see me, and he's just wandering over toward the horse going -- [ mumbling ] he took the horse's head in his hands, and i'm where you are, watching secretly, and he goes, "look at you." [ laughter ] "you're a [ bleep ] horse."

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: that would have been a life-changing event for me if i saw that happen. >> oh, it was fantastic. >> jimmy: my brain would have melted. >> he was the greatest of all time. the guy i love, because i've been listening to the beatles this year. the new digitally remastered. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i love, and maybe you guys appreciate -- you know the beatles. it's crazy. like, no matter what generation, 300 brilliant songs. paul mccartney is the most humble guy about it. if you see him -- when they go, "paul mccartney, i mean, how did you guys write those songs?" he always goes -- [ as paul mccartney ] "well, you know, we sat down for a plunker, you know." [ laughter ] that's what he called it. [ as paul mccartney ] "i was going on my guitar, and john on his guitar. we're plunking away at each other, you know. and he's plunking, and i'm plunking, hey, let's keep on plunking away. you know, and that's how we wrote "'the white album.'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's hilarious. [ as paul mccartney ] >> "and that's how we did it."

well, what do you got, you know -- i don't know if i'm doing george or john here. [ as ringo starr ] >> jimmy: "i can do the ringo." >> right, yes. i know. [ as ringo starr ] >> jimmy: "peace and love, man." >> oh, man, that's good. [ as paul mccartney ] "you know, ringo had the best backbeat in the business." [ as john lennon ] >> jimmy: "i'm not saying we're bigger than god, but i'm saying we're bigger than marilyn monroe, because anyone is bigger than sara lee. you know, we're bigger than -- right. we're bigger than larry king." [ as john lennon ] >> "you know, and they can't all be tippery-toppery, scoobity-doo, tip of the top of the -- you know. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> "once in a while, you make a stinkery-doo." [ laughter ] i used a direct quote. >> jimmy: we are having so much fun. [ laughter ] i hope you are. >> so long. >> jimmy: i want to see your stand-up. you're on tour now. [ as regis philbin ] >> "anyway, yes, i am. i'm on tour." [ as regis philbin ] >> jimmy: you can't even believe it. >> "i'm doing regis philbin now for no apparent reason." [ laughter ] "anyway, are you ready for this? i am out of control. regis with a head cold." i did a cameo -- >> jimmy: you do re-impressions of people with colds? [ as regis philbin ] >> "i do.

it's regis with a head cold. why can't the regis have a head cold?! it's all in my head, that's why it's called a cold." >> jimmy: i need some sudafed. >> i did a movie with him. an adam sandler movie. we did a scene, and we got in an argument. i was playing this dysfunctional puppeteer. and i was doing, like, an owen wilson voice, like -- [ as owen wilson ] like, "hey, man, you're really hurting my do." and regis is like, goes off, it's like death. he turns into de niro. [ as regis philbin ] he goes, "you want a piece of this? you want some of this? i will take you to a lonely place. i [ bleep ] you not. come here." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did not say that. >> yes, he did. and they go cut, and they go, "you want ice?" because he punches me as hard as he can, and he goes -- [ as regis philbin ] "regis doesn't need ice. get the hell out of here." and then he turns into a nice guy. he goes -- [ as regis philbin ] "anyway, you're a terrific guy. we had a terrific time." [ laughter ] right before, he's like -- [ growling ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. he's punching you. >> no, he didn't say the s-word. can you beep words on these late night shows? >> jimmy: no, you can't. >> jimmy: the midterm elections are coming up. are you -- political in any way? >> oh, yeah. no, i love the attack ads. you got how -- these scary

halloween attack ads. in california it's off the charts. you know, it's like, "barbara boxer, she's been in congress 77 years. california is a cesspool of disease, famine and death. can california afford more barbara boxer?" and then the opponent comes on, "i'm carly fiorina, and i approve this ad." [ laughter ] and then, but wait -- then they come back with her, "carly fiorina, she outsourced a hundred million jobs. she shot a man in reno and had sex with osama bin laden." [ laughter ] "can we afford" -- and then it like, "i'm barbara boxer, and i approve this message." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: more with dana carvey when we return. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] where are people with moderate to severe

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm hanging with dana carvey over here. >> oh, my god. who's that? i don't even know if it's a character. [ as schwarzenegger ] "let me tell you something. let me tell you -- see the flickering flames up there?" i love arnold schwarzenegger, because he'll say obvious things and it's just fascinating. [ as schwarzenegger ]

"you have the flames, there was a fire, there was a fire, and the flames were flickering up, and the fire department came and put the water on the flames." [ laughter ] "the water." he literally doesn't saying anything but state obvious facts, and you're fascinated. [ as schwarzenegger ] "the water and the flames and the water." it makes me laugh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one of the things that always made me laugh. one of my favorite things, because you're one of my favorite comedians. >> bless you. >> jimmy: and in your stand-up -- you're one of my favorite stars. >> i've never been complimented. right, yeah. >> jimmy: it was written by a british singer -- derek -- >> derek stevens. >> jimmy: derek stevens was your alter ego. >> it's about a guy who really didn't have the goods, and he was making up the lyrics as he went along, and they came out a little trite. and then he got into a vegetable chopping thing towards the end. yes. >> jimmy: would you -- would you -- would you please do it for us tonight? >> what are you, nuts? do that now? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, we're up there. >> is there a keyboard or something i can use? >> jimmy: with the roots, right

over here. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: here we go, yeah. >> okay. wow. [ cheers and applause ] i'm so lucky. wow, this is great. this is unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: don't cry for me argentina. >> like brad pitt -- brad pitt they put the dress and the sword, you know, the roman movie. "rome is yours, take it!" >> jimmy: you do your own voice on that, i think. >> rome is yours! ♪ oh. all right, ladies and gentlemen -- test, cue. cue, test. i like to make sure i'm -- ♪ meanwhile, they're going, "we'll jettison this before showtime." okay. okay, this is it. this is the world's most pretentious rock star. he starts out with lyrics that are so trite, he sounds like he's making them up on the spot. ♪ she's cold as ice paradise

and they're feeling with us all ♪ ♪ nice there's a lady i know if i didn't know her she would be the lady ♪ ♪ i didn't know [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my lady she went downtown she went downtown ♪ ♪ she bought some broccoli she brought it home she choppin' broccoli choppin' broccoli ♪ ♪ choppin' broccoli >> jimmy. ♪ choppin' broccoli choppin' broccoli

choppin' broccoli choppin' broccoli ♪ ♪ choppin' broccoli choppin' broccoli ♪ ♪ choppin' getting mad choppin' broccoli choppin down her hair choppin' broccoli ♪ ♪ choppin broccoli this time choppin' broccoli this time oh ♪ ♪ oh oh ♪ now now now now now now now now now now now ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ seen the needle and the damage done

a little part in everyone ♪ ♪ she bought some broccoli she brought it home ♪ ♪ she's choppin' broccoli >> jimmy: dana carvey, everybody. >> and jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: jason hawes and grant wilson join us next. there they are in the bud light lime green room. hey! dana carvey. ♪ [ quinn ] my name is quinn, and this is my eggo. on fridays i have hockey before school, so i take two eggo homestyle waffles and put peanut butter inside. [ whispering ] i add a couple chocolate chips when dad's starting the car. [ male announcer ] there's only one way to eat an eggo...your way. [ quinn ] l'eggo my eggo. [ louise ] my name is louise and this is my eggo. on tuesday i go in even earlier than usual. thank goodness for eggo, a nutri-grain waffle with a quick smoodge of cream cheese... at least that part's easy.

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i was supposed to retire there. carly fiorina changed all that. [ cheri ] fiorina laid off 30,000 people. and she shipped our jobs to china. and india. i had to pack my bags and i was out the door that night. we even had to train our replacements. she didn't need 5 corporate jets. [ farrell ] one hundred million for herself. fiorina never cared about our jobs. not then and not now. [ boxer ] i'm barbara boxer and i approve this message. not then and not now. [ male announcer ] build your with the $2.50 breakfast combo. get a 16oz. cup of piping-hot seattle's best coffee and a savory new sunrise subway melt built fresh to your order for just $2.50. subway. build your better breakfast.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are in their sixth season scaring the pants off us with their hit syfy show "ghost hunters," which will have its live halloween episode this sunday. they're also -- have a best-selling book here "ghost hunt: chilling tales of the unknown." and it's glow in the dark. >> dana: scary, scary. scary. >> jimmy: say hello to the "ghost hunters," jason hawes and grant wilson, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: "ghost hunters," gosh, did you ever want to call yourselves the ghost busters? >> no, no. >> jimmy: not once? no one suggested it once? >> no, we try to avoid that. >> everybody tries to call us that, but we do -- >> jimmy: have you ever asked ray parker jr. to do your theme song? >> that's a good call. >> we should ask him that. >> that's for the special. >> jimmy: you guys started out, what, just videotaping ghosts in your house? >> yeah, videotaping ghosts. >> jimmy: and you go, "i can make this into a living." >> dana: have you ever said to each other -- [ as shaggy ] "hey, let's make like a banana and split, scooby doo." >> i was actually shaggy for halloween last year, so it worked out. [ cheers and applause ] >> our main goal is we go in and we try to debunk the claims of paranormal activity. believing over 80% of all claims can be disproved. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: do you believe the people when you go see them? are you -- have you seen some scary stuff? >> most of the homeowners. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the people are scary. >> yeah, exactly.

>> they're the ones that can hurt you. you never know what you're walking into. >> dana: so they hire you to come in and prove or not prove? >> well, they don't hire us, because we don't charge. so we're going in free of charge. >> oh, you're going in free. interesting. >> everybody, the rich, the poor -- everybody believes that they have paranormal issues, so if we were charging, we'd only be able to help those who could afford us. >> but it's our job to go in and take their claims and sort fact from fiction. and, you know, sometimes -- >> jimmy: you're armed with thermal cameras, you're armed with flashlights. >> yes. >> high-tech stuff like flashlights. >> dana: do you have a cross? stop it! >> holy water? no. >> dana: the power of jimmy fallon compels you. the power of jimmy fallon compels you. >> jimmy: stop that. >> dana: i have no idea what that means. >> jimmy: it's not an exorcism. >> it doesn't work though. >> dana: oh, it's not an exorcism. okay, i'm cross-pollinating my ideas. i've had a lot of ghosts, and we'll talk later about it. i have a house that was built in 1909. >> really? >> dana: yeah, a little girl in a white dress sometimes will walk through the wall, right down the center of the bed, and my wife's asleep, and i just see her, and i'm like, "hello." >> jimmy: does she talk back to you? >> dana: no, she doesn't talk.

but once in a while i'll hear, like, an fm radio in between stations in the other room. that's the first time, i got white noise in the bedroom. >> see, this is case in point, most of the time when people see things that, they're crazy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i hear tuning a radio. >> dana: no, it's like white noise -- like -- >> jimmy: the weather today is -- >> dana: the first night i heard it, i went into the room and it just disappeared, and then i went back, you know? and then, i put the church lady dress on and went back in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you have to do that. we have some clips from your show. it is really scary, actually. this first one is from samuel mudd house, and this is the thermal camera. >> oh, yeah? >> jimmy: watch what you see here. >> samuel mudd house, outside. whoa. >> what the hell was that? >> within seconds, he stopped and started looking around, and i was just focused on getting the video camera rolling. >> jimmy: those are definitely -- what is that? >> something walked directly in front to s.

tamera quickly to the left to see if there was anything there, and there wasn't. >> watch this. >> what the hell is that? >> jimmy: this is what we get. now, like predator. [ cheers and applause ] >> predator vision. >> the best part was my cameraman, bryan, was right behind us filming, and he didn't see it with the ir camera. we caught it on thermal imaging. >> and i was holding an infrared camera, right there, and as you can see, you can't see it with your own eyes. we were in the middle of a field, nothing. no sound, nothing. but we caught it on the thermal, this bold figure walked by. >> jimmy: we have another clip, too, with the thermal shot. this is another haunted house, you were here. [ raspberry ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a -- >> that's a vaporous anomaly. >> actually, that's -- that piece of footage, i was holding the thermal, grant was standing right in front of me -- >> jimmy: and you're doing a live halloween special. you're going live. >> well, he was saying he saw something. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: you're doing this live halloween thing. it's going to be amazing. it's live from this abandoned -- is it a train station?

>> it's an abandoned train station in buffalo. >> buffalo central terminal. a lot of claims of activity for many, many years. the place has been closed down for about 30 years. and we investigated it before, had it totally locked down, no contamination. we caught voices that just came out of -- >> figures. >> figures that were about 100 to 200 feet down a hallway that we caught on the thermal imaging. >> so we're going back, six hours live. >> jimmy: if you want to get spooked, everybody, yeah. you should watch halloween, live. watch these dudes on syfy, sunday at 7:00 p.m. the book is in stores now. the ghost hunters, everybody. wednesdays at 9:00. come on back. gwar performs next, everybody. ♪ ah mom, you still clip coupons? well, it all adds up.

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we make it simple to manage your finances. as an unhappy choice between a longtime politician with no plan for the future and a billionaire with no government experience. well, let me tell you my story. my husband and i came here as newlyweds. we raised our family here and the california dream came true for me in ways i could never have imagined. now i'm running for governor to restore the california dream for everyone. i'm not a career politician or a hollywood star. i'm from silicon valley, where i created thousands of jobs at ebay. as governor, i'll do something that's been missing from california politics for far too long.

i'll treat you like grownups, tell it to you straight, and offer a practical plan forward. these are scary times and i know that cleaning up sacramento won't be easy. our problems are tough, but so am i. if you want more of the same from sacramento, then vote for my opponent. but if you want to get california moving again, i'm ready. are you? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our show, everybody. we are so lucky to have our next guests. their new album "bloody pit of horror" will be out november 9th. [ laughter ] their halloween show sunday in milwaukee will be streamed live on pay-per-view at gwar.net. performing the song "zombies march," please welcome gwar! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ ♪ welcome once again to the bloody pit my friends ♪ ♪ we're so glad you could attend ♪ ♪ come and die come and die ♪ ♪ yes the bloody pit of horror here as sick as is gomorrah queer ♪ ♪ it's purpled purpose crinkly clear ♪ ♪ ♪ i lead the zombie army they, they they are my sweetest slaves ♪ well they shall never harm me i saved them from far beyond the grave ♪ ♪ lid on coffin cold return was foretold barrel, box, or bloody sack ♪ they still come back beyond the world of life

beneath the scroll of time the zombies rise and ♪ ♪ curse the light they curse the living and they bite you find it alarming ♪ ♪ i find it quite charming they explode from the ground i found it amazing ♪ ♪ the dead we were raising and the stinking pile of bodies formed a molten ♪ your life is lost yet un-death found ♪ ♪ the bloody pit of horror has a bloody tale to tell the bloody pit of -- wow, what the hell ♪ ♪ ♪ hey

the bloody pit of horror i, i i lead the zombie army ♪ ♪ i, i i lead the zombie army i, i i lead the zombie army ♪ ♪ i, i they are my sweetest slaves my sweetest slaves the zombie king ♪ ♪ he walks alone the zombie king he has no throne just a never-ending hunger ♪ ♪ and a hole that can't be filled by the centuries of victims from the living ♪ ♪ he has killed who have all passed beneath the earth

to transform into ♪ ♪ living dead and swell his martial ranks whoever would have thought you could teach ♪ ♪ them to drive tanks drive tanks through banks ♪ ♪ ♪ zombies, march ♪ ♪ ♪ the zombie king he calls his troops der krieg is coming soon the filthy fiends ♪