tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC January 22, 2011 3:05am-4:00am PST
>> jimmy: wow. that's a crowd right there. hey, welcome to "late night" -- welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," you guys. how are you guys feeling? are you feeling good this friday? [ cheers and applause ] big rumor going around. this is big. it's rumored that ryan seacrest might be proposing to his girlfriend, julianne hough, after he was spotted buying a ring this week, yeah. however, those rumors came to a stop today when he was spotted wearing the ring. [ laughter ] no, it's true, ryan seacrest really bought an engagement ring this week. can you imagine ryan seacrest proposing? he's like, "honey, there's something i've wanted to ask you for awhile now. i'm gonna ask you right -- after the break. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i just read this.
facebook founder mark zuckerberg is apparently renting a new five-bedroom house. it's a nice house except, as soon as you get used to the furniture, he rearranges it for no reason. [ laughter ] this is just insane. a jetblue pilot apparently lost a bag with his gun inside. i don't know if i'm more worried that the bag had a gun in it or that the airlines are now losing their own luggage. i don't what's -- [ laughter ] check this out, a pair of twin sisters in california will celebrate their 100th birthday tomorrow. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's right. it's so cute, right? [ cheers and applause ] it's so cute. they know each other so well, they practically forget each other's sentences. [ light laughter ] it's so cute. did you see there's a man in south carolina who was forced to remove a snowman's genitals after his neighbors complained. [ laughter ] oh man, "snowball fight!" [ laughter ]
there it is. all the kids are yelling it. "snowball fight." >> steve: "don't touch that carrot." [ laughter and ohs ] ♪ made out of coal >> jimmy: parson brown? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: get this, a man in morocco broke a guinness world record by breaking 350 bricks on his head. the guy was super-excited until he found out that the previous record was seven bricks. [ laughter ] "why didn't you tell me, man?" "you were in the zone." [ light laughter ] this is weird. i read that a new reality show is in the works, based on the video game "pac man." that's right. a "pac man" reality show. i just hope it's better than the other show, "donkey kong's banana of love." [ laughter ] that was -- and finally, i don't know if you
saw this. the spiderman musical has pushed back the opening night for the third time. and then they're gonna have a big cast party, where everyone signs each others' casts. [ light laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, right there, that's longtime pro guitarist steve lukather, right there, hey! sitting in with the roots all night long. here's his latest album, here, "all's well that ends well." steve, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, dude. >> jimmy: i appreciate it. but you're gonna be in new york all week? you're at the blue note on saturday and sunday?
>> actually all week long, till through sunday. >> jimmy: there you go, you guys. you gotta go check out steve and see what's up. he's awesome. thanks for being here, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, jimmy. i appreciate that, thank you. >> jimmy: we got such an amazing show. added to steve, here, we got the one and only -- i can't believe she's here -- one of my super favorites of all time, candice bergen is here. [ cheers and applause ] love her. from "big love," the one and only ginnifer goodwin is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] that's my old pal, ginnifer goodwin. and we have a very funny stand up making his tv debut tonight, colin jost is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] he's a very funny man. it's gonna be great. you guys, today's friday, and that's -- [ scattered cheers ] thank you, yeah. that's right. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails, and of course, send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] i was wondering, if you don't mind -- would you mind if i wrote out my thank you notes right now?
is that okay? id that fine? thank you so much. roots -- roots, can i get some thank you note writing music? ♪ [ laughter ] you sucking on a werther's original or something? you got something in your -- [ laughter ] something really good. werther's original. good to see you, james. thanks for coming back, buddy. we missed you. [ light laughter ] you okay? everything all right? [ light laughter ] all right, here we go. ♪ thank you -- wikipedia -- for celebrating your tenth anniversary this saturday. although, that's according to wikipedia, so it might not be true. [ laughter ]
♪ thank you -- yard sales -- for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors, "we think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage." [ laughter ] ♪ thank you -- belts -- for always being in the loop. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you -- heidi, the cross-eyed opossum at germany's, leipzig zoo -- like you can even read this. [ laughter ]
♪ thank you -- mattress commercials -- for showing us that your product is so comfortable that a couple can fall asleep without using sheets, pillows or a blanket with all the lights on. [ laughter ] sold! [ cheers and applause ] i'll buy one! ♪ thank you -- hoodies -- for making everyone who wears you look like they're about to rob a wendy's. [ laughter ] thank you -- elitism -- for being better than ever other-ism. [ laughter ] ♪
thank you -- hoda kotb -- for letting me co-host the "today" show with you. it was so much fun, i feel like i could do it every day. and by "it," i mean drink an entire bottle of chardonnay at 11:00 a.m. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you -- fingerless gloves -- for giving me all the warmth of a mitten and all the stylishness of a dickensian street urchin. [ laughter ] there you go, guys. those are my "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with "put it in reverse!" come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] unlock the potential of nature
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♪ ♪ put it in reverse [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to "put it in reverse." the game where contestants compete to see who can best act out a scene in reverse. basically, backwards acting. the scene is then played forward and the audience will decide who did it best. so let's meet our two competitors. come on over, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] hi, nice to see you, how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: what's your name and where are you from? >> ralph from staten island. >> jimmy: ralph from staten island. welcome, ralph. >> thank you. >> edie from orange county, california. >> jimmy: hey, very good. we got both coasts here. here we go. all right. now, you guys, the setting back there and our outfits are clues to what you'll be doing tonight. higgins, set the scene for us, please. >> steve: it's time for karate class. you're the student and jimmy is the sensei. first, you'll enter the dojo, as if leaving, bow backwards, take off your black belt, as if putting it on, put on your yellow belt, as if taking it off, do an awesome series of karate moves, take down your opponent by helping him up, break a board in reverse, wax
off, wax on, bow backwards again, leave the dojo as if entering, and have the door slammed in your face. sound complicated? don't worry, it'll all make sense when you "put it in reverse!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, higgins. since you're standing close to me, you're gonna go first. all right, go take your place behind the door. i'll see you soon. how are you doing down there, buddy? >> okay. >> jimmy: chuck norris, everybody. chuck norris. [ cheers and applause ] all right. don't milk it, chuck. [ laughter ] you ready back there? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: here we go. let's get ready to "put it in reverse." on my mark, get set, act. ♪ come back in backwards, he's got the door closed. now, we're gonna bow. very good. now you're gonna loose -- you have to tighten your belt, there and take it off. very good, now throw it to me. oh. whoa. i'll throw this to you. very good. put that on. very nice. making sure it's nice and tight, now -- very good. and the crazy karate moves -- crazy ones. good one. kick -- high kick.
yeah, no, that's a dance. [ laughter ] whoa, put your belt back on. put it back on. perfect. all right, good. now, go over. get ready to pull him up. yeah -- now, there you go, you pulled him up. good, now, 1, 2 -- hi-yah! -- this is good. bow, very, very nice. all right, now come backwards. walk towards me. tighten your belt, please. [ laughter ] very good. just making sure it's tight. very nice. now wait, put it down here. put your hand down there. first i'm gonna scream -- wait, not yet, no -- [ light laughter ] yeah! [ screams ] okay, very good. okay. [ laughter ] okay, very good. now walk backwards this way, walk backwards. very good. walk backwards, over here -- okay, we're gonna wax on twice. 1, 2, now wax off. 1, 2, now bow. thank you so much. now, backwards exit the building. yes, backwards exit. take care. how are you doing, buddy? [ cheers and applause ] come on out. all right. you did a good job. how you think you did? you did good? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i think you did pretty good. let's run that scene in reverse,
which of course, is really forwards. take a look. ♪ come on. hey buddy, come on in. welcome, yeah -- kinda shy, almost. then you bow. very nice, wax on, wax off. now you're gonna go over here -- [ laughter ] this is a very tricky part, yeah. and just chop it there, chop it there. no -- you look very nice. [ laughter ] yeah, three times, yeah, he did it. [ laughter ] made sure that you did it. made sure that you cleared the board, yeah. oh, you're getting challenged by -- oh there he is, there's cory, there, challenging you there. oh, it's a putdown. you took him down. very nice move. very, very good. your belt almost came off. [ laughter ] whoa. it's back on. now, take it back off. so, my friend, you became a black belt. there you go. [ laughter ] very, very nice. [ cheers and applause ] well done. great job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: great, great job, buddy. come on over. all right. what do you think? you just saw that one.
can you beat it? >> yeah. if i just keep my belt on, i think i'm good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, yeah -- very good, very good. go stand behind the door and get ready. how you doing, chuck? >> just lying around. >> jimmy: what's that? >> just lying around. >> jimmy: cool, man. you ready back there? >> totally. >> jimmy: here we go. "totally." all right, let's find out. here we go. let's get ready to "put it in reverse." on my mark, get set, act. ♪ let's find the door, here. very good. bow. very nice, very good. now, take your -- tighten your belt and then take it off, very good. throw it to me. thank you so much. very, very good. i'll take this, make sure it's really tight. you saw what happened good. very good. bow. yes, very good. now, karate -- crazy karate moves. whoa, good one. crazy ones, good. whoa -- -- last one.
i don't know what that was. whoa, hold on. all right -- oh my god. >> [ moaning ] >> jimmy: this is good, good -- oh, bowing, very good again. backwards, walk backwards, walk backwards. you know what's about to happen. over this way. hold on, now a hand down there. i'm gonna to scream, and then -- and then -- go! [ smack ] whoa, that was a good one. i think that was good. that was good. now, we walk backwards, walk backwards, walk backwards. going backwards here. we're gonna bow. oh now, we're not where we're gonna bow. yeah, wax off, yeah. here we go, 1, 2, 1, 2 -- you're very smiley, bow again. [ light laughter ] and then we're gonna leave. i'm gonna open the door, yeah? like this. hi, how are you? [ cheers and applause ] that was good, yeah, come on out. that was great. how'd it feel? >> good. >> jimmy: that was great. i was so off. you helped me out on that one. let's run that scene in reverse, which of course is really forwards. take a look at this. ♪ hey, look, you're so excited. you're so excited to come in. "yeah, you want to bow?" "sure." "you wanna wax on, wax off? we can do that." good, you're a very good student so far. bow again. you're a very good student. come on over. [ laughter ] and you gotta hi-yah!
very nice. [ laughter ] solid. oh, you went -- [ laughter ] a little celebratory dance there. very good. oh, you're getting challenged. let's see how you do, here. whoa, whoa, that's the good move. nice. nice takedown, there. crazy move there. [ laughter ] whoa. you were so good. what a great student. here you go, you're going to get this -- whoa, that's just weird. you get this -- it was like "crouching tiger, hidden dragon" type of stuff there. that was very good. [ cheers and applause ] that was very, very good. now, there can only be one winner and the audience will decide. which of the back-tors did it better? was it -- contestant number one? [ drum roll ] [ cheers and applause ] or was it contestant number two? [ cheers and applause ] congratulations, you're our winner. contestant number two is the winner. ♪ very good. you're the winner, which means you get to take home this lovely, "late night" reversible fleece jacket. inside out or outside in, either way, you're gonna look super-cool. [ laughter ] and because nobody goes home
empty-handed, our other contestant will take home this one of a kind "late night" t-shirt with the logo in reverse. [ light laughter ] thank you guys go. thank you both for playing -- thank you, pal. thanks for playing "put it in reverse." we'll be right back with candice bergen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ koch ] at samuel adams, we get inspiration for our seasonal beers from all over the world. [ cannon ] for our spring seasonal, we make samuel adams noble pilsner. it's our take on a classic bohemian pilsner. and we found the traditional heirloom malt. it's laid out and turned daily by hand. [ cannon ] it produces a lot more flavor. our twist with this beer is using all five noble hops. [ cannon ] four hops from bavaria and one from bohemia. we get a very bright hoppy note with a clean finish. -it's got a lot of flavor. -and refreshing. [ cannon ] it makes you look forward to the warmer days of spring, but samuel adams noble pils will be gone before you know it.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is an academy award nominated actress who won five emmy and multiple golden globes for her performance as "murphy brown." starting monday she stars on "house," which airs at 8:00 pm on fox. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome candice bergen. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome candice bergen.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are so gorgeous. i'm so happy that you're here. i'm such a fan of yours. >> i love this show so much, you can't imagine. hi, guys. >> jimmy: the roots, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] we met maybe one quick time like at an "snl 25th anniversary" thing -- >> i was just visiting with lorne. >> jimmy: where you really? >> great to see him. >> jimmy: we always talk about it because you're one of my favorite hosts that i've ever seen on "saturday night live." when the show first came out -- when it first started, you were the fourth episode of the show. you were the first female to ever host "saturday night live." so you have that record. at one point you held the record for most times hosted ever. but i remember lorne saying that you were -- your show was when he kinda figured out what the show was going to be and how it was gonna be with the host and the musical guest. cause before that they were just kinda playing around with different things, but that was the actual format. and they loved you so much, they
had you back like the next month. >> the next month, and in that few weeks, everyone on the show was so huge. i'm chevy chase and you're not, and dan aykroyd and belushi. >> jimmy: they all got famous -- >> overnight. it was incredible. >> jimmy: is that right? so the first time you were there -- >> nobody had -- because it was the fourth show -- it hadn't really penetrated to the degree -- and then by the second time i did it, which was a christmas show, when we did a bee-capade, everybody dressed up in bees, and skated on the ice rink at rockefeller center. >> jimmy: bee-capades, i love that so much. you weren't known for comedy. >> no, i was not. nope. i don't know why lorne chose me, frankly. but -- >> jimmy: that's so wild. did you -- >> it was the most fun until that point i'd ever had in work. >> jimmy: yeah, right -- i mean -- it was amazing. your dad, of course, is the legendary edgar bergen. right here. you know him -- [ cheers and applause ] charlie mccarthy there,
legendary. so good, so talented. you probably got a lot of your talent from your dad, but was it weird having a dummy around the house? [ laughter ] >> you laugh, but yes, it was -- it was -- well, at the time it wasn't weird, because it was what it was. >> jimmy: sure. >> but then in my '20s, it was "whoa." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why is there a dummy sitting at breakfast with us? >> exactly. we would have breakfast together sometimes. his room was next to mine -- >> jimmy: his had his own room? >> oh, yes, he had his own room. >> jimmy: no! >> oh yeah. [ laughter ] he had a little desk and a little chair, and it had charlie mccarthy on the desk, a little nameplate. then once at breakfast, he would put charlie on one knee, cause he would manipulate his mouth through his back and then he would sit me on the other knee, i was very little then, and he would squeeze my neck, and that
was my signal to move my mouth. and he would have us talking to each other. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is awesome. that's how you got the bug probably. >> but i'm still here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how cool is that? what a cool dad. did you always go into -- you figured comedy was the way -- what was your career like? how did you end up -- >> it was very ragged. i was always happiest in comedy sort of in my private life, but i didn't really start to do comedy until a movie i think called "starting over" and "rich & famous" -- that's sort of around the time that lorne got me to do the show. >> jimmy: every time on "saturday night live" they have a "best of saturday night live" and they show the clips and you're always on it. and there's this one sketch that you're in with gilda radner. who gosh, i wish i could have met her. cause man she seemed like the coolest person. >> she was heaven. >> jimmy: she was great, right? >> oh, fantastic. >> jimmy: do you want to explain what was going on. cause it's really cool, it's very live tv. >> it's very live tv. we were doing a skit, gilda and i. and i don't remember what the name of the skit was, but -- it
sketch, lorne calls them or skits? i know he was very specific -- >> jimmy: you're allowed to call them -- you're candice bergen, you can call it whatever you want to. >> and i was reading the cue cards, as was gilda. and i suddenly started reading the cards of her character, so gilda called me on it and i just completely started laughing. i didn't make any pretense of staying in character. >> jimmy: the idea of the sketch was she was playing very ditsy and dumb and you were supposed to be the smart person. the intelligent person, and your character's name was fern, which is also awesome. we have the clip. here's gilda and candice bergen. >> i feel thirsty. >> well, here, have some milk. >> oh, thanks. [ laughter ] hey, this milk isn't too good. i'm still thirsty. >> that's because you poured it in your purse, you see. >> oh. >> you're not too bright, are you, fern? i mean, whatever your name was. [ laughter ]
>> lisa. >> as a matter of fact you're extremely stupid. >> well, you're right, fern, you know, and i'm proud of it. [ laughter ] you know, we all can't be brainy like fern here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's my favorite -- we can't all be brainy like fern here. brilliant. so, so good. and now you're going to guest star on "house." >> yes. >> jimmy: which is super fun. >> yes. >> jimmy: who do you play on "house"? >> i play dr. cuddy, who is lisa edelstein, her mother, arlene, who is very jewish. >> jimmy: oh, very, very good. >> except she's a gentile who converted, she becomes -- it compensates beyond jewish, to make up for it. it was -- >> jimmy: is it fun doing that show? >> it's a wonderful show, wonderful cast and crew. really well -- >> jimmy: hugh laurie is a very famous comedian in england.
a lot of people don't know that here in america. >> he is a true renaissance man. >> jimmy: he is a funny guy, isn't he? >> insanely smart. >> jimmy: we have to see -- we have a clip of here -- of you in "house." here's candice bergen in "house." >> i'm tired all the time. and when it's cold, i get this weird pain in my shoulder. >> i have a pain in my leg. you don't hear me complaining, except for just now. >> how do doctors get this idea you're better than everyone else? >> probably all that pulling people back from the brink of death. it's just a guess. >> my own daughter is a doctor. she makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns. >> she sounds smart. >> did she tell you to say that? >> i've never met your daughter. >> that's hard to believe since you're currently shtooping her. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on. i can't tell you how much again
i love you so much. come back whenever. i know you play boggle, so next time you come on, i would love a boggle-off with you. >> it's a challenge. >> jimmy: is that good? >> yeah. >> jimmy: candice bergen, the one and only. check her out on "house," monday at 8:00, candice bergen. ginnifer goodwin joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] undeniably colorful, seriously smooth, and in excellent condition. those are your lips with new covergirl lip perfection. it doesn't just give you beautiful color now, it gives you more beautiful lips in 7 days. in a single stroke, rich color rocks your lips. in a single week, silk therapy moisturizers help smooth and soften them. how perfect! [ male announcer ] new lip perfection. in 44 lip perfecting shades. from easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl.
>> jimmy: ginny goodwin. >> nice set you've got here. >> jimmy: yeah you like this? >> yeah. congrats. >> jimmy: thank for coming on the show. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: last time i saw you, we hung out because my wife produced the movie, "he's just not that into you" which you were phenomenal in. >> aw, thank you. >> jimmy: you did such a great job in that movie. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: really, really great. you were funny, and heartbreaking, and charming -- >> well thank you. >> jimmy: very pretty. it was great. >> i remember we spent an entire night, all of us, in front of youtube, and ever since i've been trying to find videos that you shared with us. >> jimmy: i forget which ones we were doing, it was me, you, kevin connelly, scarlett johansson and nancy. >> and i know -- for years i walked around like, "and then jimmy showed us the one where they kept saying turkey!" and like nobody knows what i'm talking about, nobody thinks i'm funny, and then i'm like, "and then there was this beauty pageant gal, she dropped her baton and it was so funny," and no, nothing. and we searched like, "jimmy fallon found this for me," like nothing -- >> jimmy: why would that be on youtube -- videotaped us
watching it. i forget which ones it was, i look at them all the time. they always change. but i have one for you, a new one. >> amazing. >> jimmy: it's a new one, i don't know if you've seen this one. here's some tips. show of hands, who's going to go streaking tonight after the show? anyone? [ cheers and applause ] so if you're going to go streaking, rule number one, if you're gotta be naked, two, you got everybody to video tape you, three, you should look out for plexiglas walls. >> going streaking -- [ laughter ] >> he got back up. he got back up. he deserves a medal. he got back up. >> jimmy: that is just so ridiculous, right? >> that's amazing. now i'm going to go home and like naked people and glass and horrible things will come up. >> jimmy: yeah, don't do that. hey look at this, congratulations, you got engaged.
>> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you got engaged. look at that. woo woo. >> yes, we were set up by our good friend, justin long. >> jimmy: he's already taken credit for it. >> hilarious. of course he has. >> jimmy: but this is great. when did this happen? >> in december. >> jimmy: really. >> what's being married like? >> jimmy: it's the best. >> right. >> jimmy: you're gonna love it. >> i'm psyched! >> you don't have to worry about anything. you have a buddy, go to the movies. >> i always have a date. he has to go out with me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on, come on. >> he has to. >> jimmy: how did he do it? was it a big romantic thing? >> it was, he's southern, and perfect, and so it was romantic and gentlemanly and perfect. >> jimmy: was it like a haystack or something? >> right. we were in a park, in one of my favorite spots. it's -- well, he tells the story very subtly, we sat down and he was planning on us hiking, and spending the day together. we basically got to the park and we proposed, like we got to our spot and he proposed. >> jimmy: he wanted to get it over with? >> i think so. >> jimmy: i was so shaky and
nervous doing mine. you kinda get nervous. it's a crazy thing when you think about it. >> it's crazy. i literally kept saying, what's happening? what's happening? what are you doing right now? >> jimmy: nancy thought -- my wife thought i was having a stroke. [ laughter ] i got down -- she's like, "oh, my god --" calling paramedics. >> that is amazing. >> jimmy: getting defibrillator out. she was like, "oh my gosh." >> the thing that i'm glad i realized in the moment was that he wasn't breaking up with me, which in retrospect i could have thought, because it's such an emotional charged moment. something -- >> jimmy: "you son of a bitch, i wanted to break up with you first." he's like, "oh wait no, i want to ask you to marry me." [ laughter ] >> i realized in retrospect, i was like, "that god that's not -- i knew this good thing was happening." and i was not graceful. i don't know, you have these visions of excepting a marriage proposal, and it was just like snotting all over. >> jimmy: now speaking of marriage, "big love," last season. >> it's the last season. >> jimmy: really bummer, sad. >> i am devastated. >> jimmy: this is it. >> i mean if they had asked us to do the show for 40 years, i would have been game. >> jimmy: you have such a great
cast, you got bill paxton, you got chloe, you got jeanne tripplehorn. phenomenal, everyone's great. >> and we're all so close. we're like that annoying set where we're all like skipping, singing together, laughing. >> jimmy: like "the waltons?" i always think of "the waltons" would be like. >> that's what we're like. >> jimmy: but the last one was like on, christmas eve? >> it was christmas eve, eve, and they were trying to make it festive. the producers had these like, these carolers come dressed in charles dickens sort of costumes. >> jimmy: street urchins. >> right street urchins. >> jimmy: so charming. >> homeless people. >> jimmy: that's so nice to say. >> they were singing carols, and there was surf and turf for lunch, and there was a huge party afterwards and a dj. we just cried. crying and crying, and the makeup kept running in during scenes and they'd clean us back up, because we are suppose to be happy in these scenes. and we're like, "i don't want to go." we would screw up the takes so they'll have to keep us here longer. >> jimmy: apparently there's like a big secret or something for "big love" this -- >> there's a big -- i have a big secret. >> jimmy: you have a big secret. >> i have a really big secret.
it gets revealed. and it -- i like -- it's going to wreak havoc. >> jimmy: what -- can you hint? -- is huge a hint? >> what can i say? i guess they can't fire me anymore. [ laughter ] i don't want to ruin it for anybody. so i'll tell you what it isn't. >> jimmy: i could do that too, i guess. [ laughter ] >> it's this kind of big, like i'm not -- you don't find out that marjean was a man, it's that kind of big. and you're not going to find out like marjean was dead the whole time, or i was like luke skywalker's mom. [ laughter ] but it's that kind of big. >> jimmy: are you a ventriloquist puppet? but it's that type of big that you could maybe have been a man, but it's not you could have been a man. >> right. it's pretty big. >> jimmy: what does that mean? that doesn't really narrow it down for me. >> it's gonna screw it all up. screw it all up. >> jimmy: interesting. >> are you enticed? >> jimmy: yes, we want to know. [ cheers and applause ] cause you're a fun character. you're the young, fun one. >> she's a young, fun gal.
i miss -- now i've got to go back to like boring me. but i loved -- marjean. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? come on, you're just so great. i heard you do a lot of crying. >> i do a lot of crying. >> jimmy: this season. >> which partly i think is because -- >> jimmy: because you must have something -- it's a big secret. >> it's a big secret. i cry so much in this season that i had to go see a specialist, because i was going hoarse all the time. and i thought something was wrong with me. i'm not sick, but why am i going hoarse? and i went to this doctor, he works with singers and actors, and he's like, "are you like a really sad person?" [ laughter ] i was like, "no, by default i'm happy. what are you talking about?" he says, "do you cry a lot?" i can cry on cue. it's the only reason i get jobs in hollywood. [ laughter ] only reason, and i cry like a lot, and it's kind of exploited on my show. like they always ask me to cry. and he's like, "your body doesn't know the difference between fake crying and real crying.
it's like shutting down." >> jimmy: really? >> isn't that crazy? >> jimmy: so it made you hoarse, like "thank you so much, doctor." >> i can either, be unemployed or be hoarse. >> jimmy: or play kim carnes in a movie, "bette davis eyes." >> nice. >> jimmy: bonnie tyler, i don't know i'm thinking. >> yeah. >> jimmy: best friends through out the rest of this segment. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we do have a clip of you crying. >> what's new. >> jimmy: it's from the new season of "big love," the great ginny goodwin. >> you were sent to us to marjean and i chose you. >> no, you can't -- don't do that to me. you're putting your eggs in a leaky basket. i'm sinking, bill. look at me. my mom is dead, my business is gone, i have three kids, and i'm sorry, i don't see a fourth on the horizon. i'm three credits short of my high school diploma, and my marriage is really, really complicated. i need a big time-out. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: come on. >> i did, i need a big time-out. >> jimmy: you're so good. congratulations on the engagement, you are the greatest. >> thank you. you're the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "big love" -- hbo this sunday at 9:00 p.m. ginnifer goodwin everybody! up next, comedian colin jost. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a beautiful day inside when you use lysol neutra air fabric mist. it kills 99.9% of bacteria on soft surfaces and eliminates odors at their source better than febreze. so now a fresh home is the sign of a healthy home. for tips on a healthy home, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a writer on "saturday night live," and a very, very funny comedian. he's making his television debut tonight. give it up for colin jost, ladies and gentlemen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you guys so much. how's it going tonight? you guys doing good? [ cheers and applause ] happy friday! are there any couples in the audience tonight? [ scattered applause ] okay. heard more ladies than men, okay. not a good sign. guys aren't sure yet. here's my advice to couples out there, okay? if one of you is gonna lose a bunch of weight, you better both lose a bunch of weight. 'cause there's nothing worse than seeing a couple you haven't seen in years and you're like, "oh, my god, mark! you must have lost like 50 pounds!
and janet -- hey!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was home with my family for christmas and i was hanging out with my grandma. my grandma is 94 years old and she just watched the film "brokeback mountain." [ light laughter ] yeah. this is my grandmother's review of "brokeback mountain." she said, "you know, i understood it when they were up in those mountains, because there, you know, you either have sex with a sheep or the guy next to you. [ light laughter ] but what happened when they got back to the village and they had those nice wives and girlfriends? what was happening there?" [ light laughter ] i realized my grandmother thinks homosexuality is a supply problem. [ laughter ] like guys are like, "oh my god, i really want to have sex with a woman right now, but don't see any. dudes it is!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
thank you. thank you. thank you very much. i love hanging out with old people. i don't know if you ever noticed how old people always wear bright colors. it's like they have to prove they're not dead yet. [ laughter ] think about it, right? when you're young, you wear like all black. you're like, "i'm cool, i'm mysterious, i'm subtle." not when you're old. [ light laughter ] when you're old, it's like giant pink hat, neon blue shirt, rainbow golf pants. "look at me! i'm still alive, you bitches!" [ laughter ] it's why old people -- it's why old people have to wear those giant sunglasses, you know? 'cause otherwise they couldn't even look at each other. [ laughter ] their eyes would explode. i was hanging out with my dad when i was home too. my dad is terrified of identity theft. i don't know who's trying to steal his identity. [ light laughter ] everything he gets in the mail, he shreds. [ light laughter ] i send him a postcard, he shreds it. we get a letter from my uncle, it's like james bond got a secret mission.
[ laughter ] we have ten seconds to read it and then it's destroyed. [ light laughter ] and i swear to god, my favorite is he rips the address labels off all his magazines before he throws them away. do people's parents do this? yeah, i want to point something out. at the point that a criminal is rifling through the magazines in front of your house, the one thing he absolutely knows is your address. [ laughter and applause ] i saw a great commercial when i was home, too. it was for this thing called the body shaper. has anyone seen that? it's like a worse spanx. [ light laughter ] and the woman comes -- she's like, "i feel fat." they're like, "put on this weird girdle." [ light laughter ] and she comes back out and she's like, "i just lost five inches!" um, no, you just hid five inches. [ light laughter ] you just lost touch with reality. [ light laughter ] and it's a product -- it's a product that doesn't even address the problem. it's like, "i have bad skin." "put on a ski mask." [ laughter ]
"i don't like my body." "here's a small tree to hide behind." [ laughter ] "i'm losing my hair." "wear a bird on your head." [ laughter ] thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i saw all my old friends when i was home too. all my friends are getting married. and they're all having babies. and they're all pushing their babies around in baby carriages. and i got jealous. so i started pushing around an empty baby carriage. [ light laughter ] and when people come up to me and ask why it's empty, i look confused, then really worried. [ laughter ] [ applause ] also, whenever i'm sitting in a bathroom stall and someone knocks, i say -- [ suggestively ] "come on in." [ laughter ] finally, have you guys ever gone to that website "i want to get caught cheating.com"? "i want to get caught
cheating.com"? i'm sorry, facebook.com. [ laughter ] facebook.com? oh my god, everyone keeps getting caught cheating on facebook. they say mark zuckerberg created facebook. i swear to god it was just designed by a vengeful mistress. it's like, "yeah, i been hookin' up with this married guy and now it's over but like, i want to destroy his entire life. is there a website for that? oh, facebook? yeah, but i'm looking for something that gives me, like, direct access to his entire family and all his coworkers and every friend he's ever had in his life. [ laughter ] oh, that's facebook? yeah, but like, what if i got a super graphic photo of me and him doing it and i want everyone to see? oh, i just tag it? [ laughter ] yeah, but like, what if i want to send him a message and i want everyone in his life to read it? oh, i just post it on his wall? [ laughter ] yeah, but like, what if not everyone's looking at his facebook page? oh, they'll read about it in his newsfeed? [ laughter ] yeah, but like, what if they're not even signed in to facebook? oh, they'll get an e-mail alert about it?
[ laughter ] okay, yeah, i'll go with facebook." [ cheers and applause ] thank you guys, so much. thank you. you're awesome. thank you. ♪ >> jimmy: colin jost, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] check him out at caroline's on broadway, right here in new york city, february 16th. we'll be right back. colin jost. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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