in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you ladies, thank you

[ cheers and applause ] see you tomorrow. [ cheers and in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. how you doing tonight? that's an audience. new york city audience. thank you so much. oh, my gosh. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. welcome, welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." or as nbc is calling it, "the royal wedding pre-pre-pre-show." [ cheers ] [ laughter ] everybody's talking about the royal wedding. get this. apparently, kate middleton is planning to do her own makeup. [ audience oohs ] yeah. so, aside from the castle, the jewels, limousines, the mansions, the servants and butlers, she's basically just like us, you guys. [ laughter ] i just saw this. the libyan government says moammar gadhafi is still in high spirits, even though his compound was destroyed this week. most people would be devastate. but here's the thing, he's insane. [ laughter ] you see this?

it was just revealed that donald trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. [ audience oohs ] or in simpler terms, trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh, no you didn't. oh, no you -- >> jimmy: oh, no you did not. listen to this, guys. here's a crazy story. flavor flav is closing -- [ laughter ] let me finish. [ cheers and applause ] let me finish. [ applause ] >> steve: nah, nah, nah -- nah, nah, nah-nah! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: flavor flav is closing his chicken restaurant in iowa -- [ laughter ] because of a dispute with his business partner. that's too bad because it was a great business idea, except for the part about opening a chicken restaurant in iowa with flavor flav. [ laughter ] thank you. some tech news here, you guys. facebook -- >> steve: boy!

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're -- we're bankrupt, boy! yeah. >> steve: wait a second. i ordered 50 chickens. there's no chickens here. [ laughter ] why are you pouring the salt in the -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, man. some tech news here, you guys. facebook just launched the send button which let's you share web articles with particular groups of friends. that's good because when i log on to facebook, my first thought is not enough people sending me things. [ laughter ] there's a big -- you guys, the cast of "jersey shore" is shooting -- they're shooting in italy. they're banned from drinking alcohol in public. [ light laughter ] or as snooki put it, "is it possible to eat alcohol?" [ laughter ] some health news. a new study found that aspirin doesn't mix well with prozac. yeah. this study was published by the national institute of gary busey. [ laughter ] "you should put a kite in there.

[ scattered applause ] you could have a kite in there, too." [ laughter ] finally, a company in california has the new line of perfume inspired by characters from "dungeons and dragons." [ laughter ] so, if you're a girl and you love "dungeons and dragons," you're a figment of some nerds imagination. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a -- sounds great. we got a big, big, big, big, big show tonight. ah, so many fun people are on the show tonight. co-host of the "today" show. the one and only matt lauer is here. [ cheers and applause ] love that dude. from the hit show "icarly," the talented miranda cosgrove is joining us! [ cheers and applause ] my main man, host of bravo's "watch what happens live," andy cohen is here. [ cheers and applause ] love him.

and since we started the show, i've been trying to book this band. they're one of my favorite bands of all time. i grew up listening to them. i love them. i can't get enough of them. the one and only, get your -- get your -- get your metal out, and get your -- get your heavy metal hair. get your -- put -- hold on to your pants because your pants are going to be blown completely off. [ laughter ] twisted sister is on tonight! [ cheers and applause ] they have the logo. they are the coolest. ah, just the greatest. ladies and gentlemen, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight's topic, "a donald trump presidency." [ laughter ] that's right. he's leading in the polls right

now. this could actually happen, people, president trump. so, let's take a look at the pros and cons of a donald trump presidency. here we go. pro, he has a ten-point plan to fix the economy in four years. con, he has a 300-point plan to fix his hair in the morning. [ laughter ] got to have a plan. pro, we get to the hear a president say, "you're fired." con, obama says that to biden at least ten times a day. [ laughter ] he doesn't listen. yeah. he ignores him. pro, it might be refreshing to have a president with almost no political experience and zero qualifications for the job. con, that's actually a sarah palin campaign slogan. [ audience ohs ] pretty catchy. [ applause ] pretty catchy. >> steve: yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: pro, as president he can save taxpayer money by flying his own personal jet. con, hair force one. [ laughter ] "beautiful, classy plane, gold plated, fully made of marble." [ laughter ]

pro, contestants on "celebrity apprentice" might vote for him. con, meat loaf said -- ♪ i will do anything for trump but i won't do that ♪ [ laughter and applause ] he didn't say that. he sang that. >> steve: he sang that. right. >> jimmy: that's what i meant to say. pro, he could be the first president to take us to mars. con, and finally reunite gary busey with his people. [ audience ohs ] "it's good to be back with the gorgaxians. [ light laughter ] you should have a kite up here." [ laughter ] what? pro, the first lady -- con, would be his third lady. [ laughter ] sounds about right. you do that math. pro, if he wins, he'd move into the white house. con, if he loses, he'd build an even taller white house in front of it so it ruins obama's view. [ applause ] typical trump. "i used to have a great view, but now --"

"now it's a beautiful, beautiful, gold building. [ laughter ] with marble lobbies." [ laughter ] and finally, pro, his greatest foe of 2012, president obama. con, his greatest foe of any other year, a strong gust of wind. there you go. that's the "pros and cons." [ cheers and applause ] be right back with more "late night," everybody. come on back! ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ [ male announcer ] it's not about what you can get into... ♪ ...but what you can get out of. ♪ the 2011 jeep wrangler. adventure is never ordinary. now sign and drive a jeep wrangler sport 4x4 with zero first month's payment, zero down and zero due at signing for qualified lessees.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, meat loaf! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ pizza in the morning pizza in the evening whoa, pizza at suppertime

yeah ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ when there's pizza on a bagel oh, you can eat pizza anytime ♪ ♪ yeah bagel bites i'm alone tonight ♪ ♪ three minutes on high and i'm in paradise oh, bagel bites ♪ ♪ i'm alone tonight three minutes on high and i'm in paradise ♪ ♪ little bits of pepperoni whoa, now sprinkled

i said sprinkled all over the cheese ♪ ♪ i just want someone to hold me oh, yeah, and fulfill my bagel fantasy ♪ ♪ oh bagel bites i'm alone tonight ♪ ♪ three minutes on high and i'm in paradise oh, bagel bites i'm alone tonight ♪ ♪ three minutes on high and i'm in paradise ♪ ♪ ♪ jimmy

you can have pizza in the morning ♪ ♪ jimmy you can have pizza anytime ♪ ♪ oh, you can have pizza in the evening, jimmy lord, and you i say you, jimmy ♪ ♪ oh, you can have pizza at suppertime ♪ ♪ ♪ when there's pizza on a little bagel you can eat pizza anytime ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ cellphone vibrates ] hey baby, what's going on?

[ ella ] happy anniversary! are we still on for tonight? yeah, of course. of course. [ laughs ] you remembered to make a reservation, right? yeah, i remembered that. the number one thing a man should remember. i'm gonna be there soon. i'm gonna come pick you up. and i'll, uh...i'll -- i'll -- i'll call you -- i'll call you when i'm on the way. i'm -- i'm on the way. ok? ok! [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone talk and surf at the same time.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, hey.

welcome back. our first guest is the co-anchor of nbc's "today" show, which just passed the 800-week mark as the number one morning news show. that's what i'm talking about! nbc, baby! [ applause ] he's getting ready to head to london for live coverage of the royal wedding. please welcome back to our show, matt lauer, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. you -- you were taking this seriously. >> i'm a method anchor, and i'm -- [ laughter ] -- getting into my role, yeah. james, how are you? >> jimmy: doing good. now, you just -- you're -- you're doing the monopoly game off broadway, right? is that what you're doing? [ laughter ] congratulations on that. >> after that, i'm doing a

planter's peanut commercial. it's a whole thing. yeah. >> jimmy: mr. peanut. that's a hard gig to get. >> exactly. >> jimmy: everyone's after that. how are you? you're going to the royal wedding. that is a giant nbc thing. >> it's not only an nbc thing, jim. it's a giant thing around the world. >> jimmy: the world. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> do you believe how much coverage we're dedicating to this? >> jimmy: it's insane. >> friday morning, we'll be on the air for seven hours in london. >> jimmy: they're pushing our show further back. >> i know. >> like, we air, like 3:00 in the morning. >> my soup maker -- >> jimmy: you look great, by the way. >> -- has ingeniously created a catheter inside -- >> jimmy: no. come on. no, no, no. >> seriously, i can't move for seven hours. >> jimmy: i mean, insane. how is it going to work? >> hold on. >> jimmy: yeah. no, no! [ laughter ] you got to calm down. this happens to a lot of our guests. this happens to a lot of our guests. >> it's a test drive here. it's working perfectly. >> jimmy: you should have seen -- you should have seen meat loaf in rehearsal. it was awful. [ laughter ] but, seriously, it is a big deal. seven hours. what -- what do you do for seven hours? >> we talk. it's like a football game. we have a pregame show. we have a -- leading up to the

procession, then we have the procession. everybody heads to westminster abbey. then we have the ceremony itself. we just shut up, and let it happen. and then the postgame critique and analysis. seven hours, james. >> jimmy: i mean, this is unbelievable. >> i know. everybody is waiting for the moment. and, ladies, i think you'll admit this. all the ladies want to see the moment they see katherine in the dress, right? that's the thing. the guys, though, if i were the guys, i would want to see the moment that we get our first glimpse of uncle gary. have you heard about this guy? katherine has an uncle gary. it's her mom's brother, who is described as the black sheep of the family. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, wait, wait, wait. >> no, no, no. the bookies have him as the odds-on favorite of getting liquored up at the reception and taking a run at one of the bridesmaids. [ cheers and applause ] seriously. this guy is -- this guy has -- >> jimmy: i love this guy. uncle gary. >> he shaved his -- we all have an uncle gary. shaved his head. >> jimmy: we do. >> he's got tattoos everywhere. a little issue with controlled substances. >> jimmy: oh, my god.

>> they weren't even going to -- they weren't going to invite him, but they thought he'd be so pissed off if they snubbed him that he'd freak. and so they decided we have to invite him. it's like keep your friends close and your enemies closer. >> jimmy: i love weddings. >> uncle gary. that's the moment. watch for uncle gary. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that's very -- >> i know. >> jimmy: now, who's -- everyone on the "today" show is going, right? >> meredith is there. al is there. ann will be there. i'll be there. natalie -- >> jimmy: who's going to be here in new york? >> hoda and kathie lee are back. [ light laughter ] >> oh, no. wait, wait, wait. this is insane. >> it's an outrage. i know, it's an outrage. >> jimmy: it's going to be like "risky business." they're going to have a big party. they're going to have a kegger while the parents are away. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: "no, we didn't have a party, mom, i swear. we're just fine." oh, my gosh. this guy's going to be partying like nuts. nothing left behind. >> you have this giant etiquette book. >> jimmy: which is -- >> no, that's the nbc briefing book on the royal wedding. >> jimmy: that is actually it. that is it. look at this. >> you're not -- don't stare directly at it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: have you looked at it -- >> kind of like a solar eclipse. it will blind you if you look it. >> jimmy: now what -- you have to read the whole thing just for -- >> everything. >> jimmy: for etiquette and all that stuff? >> this is everything you ever wanted to know about the wedding, the royal family.

there's a chapter in there alone on pippa, the sister, katherine's sister. uncle gary has his own chapter in there. [ laughter ] huh? >> jimmy: now that's a chapter i want to get into, absolutely. what's this thing? >> that's the nbc briefing book on the turmoil in the middle east. >> jimmy: oh, okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i haven't looked at that one yet. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what happens -- but what happens if, like, something -- hopefully, knock on wood, it doesn't happen. what if something serious happens somewhere around the world? somewhere else and you have to do a news story? >> we just -- you know, we interrupt the coverage of the wedding and we break into local -- into, you know, news coverage. >> jimmy: you can't wear that. >> i'm not wearing this to the wedding. [ laughter ] i mean, i'm not -- >> jimmy: i didn't know. >> this is for you. i did this for you. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. so you'll be dressed in, like, a suit? normal matt lauer style. >> i'll be dressed like you. >> jimmy: very good. okay, good because i worried. i wondered. >> i'm not going to the wedding. i'm covering the wedding. >> jimmy: how close to the wedding will you be? >> we will be at -- our position is at buckingham palace. so that's about a mile from westminster abbey.

we have people at the abbey. but we've got a beautiful site. it's just -- >> jimmy: where's roker? where's roker going? >> roker is -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys are hiding him, right? yeah, yeah, yeah. >> roker is along the procession route. i think he's on the -- as they call it there, the mall or we call it the mall. and ann is along the route also looking for americans in the crowd who are sleeping out. things like that. >> jimmy: oh, really? good. that's a better gig than your gig, probably? >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love roker. always gets it in the end, doesn't he? it's fantastic. speaking of news, you've been making a lot of news lately. i don't know if you heard this. there's a rumor going around -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- that you're leaving the "today" show. >> no. no, it's not true. >> jimmy: yes, there's a rumor though. >> no, i heard the rumor, but it's not true. i have a -- i love my job. i have a long-term contract. i love it here. i'm not going anywhere. >> jimmy: seriously? but wait -- [ cheers and applause ] >> no, i mean, seriously. >> jimmy: really? >> really. >> jimmy: how long-term is your contract? >> if it were true, i would tell you first. >> jimmy: you would not. >> i probably -- no. no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but there was a rumor that you and katie couric are going to star in a sitcom or something up against "two and a

half men." >> "two and a half men." yeah, exactly. perfect, yeah. >> jimmy: so that's not true? >> not true, no. katie's a good friend. i don't know. i'm sure she'd loved to -- >> jimmy: i love katie couric. >> yeah, i know. but -- i have not -- no, i'm here. >> jimmy: you're not going to host "the voice" or something? you're not going to do any of that stuff? >> no. that's carson daly. >> jimmy: all right. you're not going to maybe take a few minutes -- >> no! >> jimmy: -- between me and leno? >> i said, no. >> jimmy: i'm on at 12:37. i mean, you can come on at 12:35. >> 35. >> jimmy: yeah, you do the jokes before i do them. all right, so you're not going? >> no. >> jimmy: all right, good. because i would miss you. i would miss you. >> i would miss you, too. >> jimmy: i love seeing -- every time i see you you're -- you're great. >> this is the second time i've seen you in -- six years. >> jimmy: that's true. yes. that's true. [ laughter ] backstage, you called me gary. [ laughter ] i was like, "close enough. close enough. i'll take it." you just sat down. you did an interview with one of our favorites -- steven tyler. >> this is a good week for me. i had meat loaf there, a second ago, backstage just came up and gave me a hug. the guys from twisted sister -- and, yeah, i did steven tyler out in los angeles. what a life this guy has had. >> jimmy: he's amazing. >> i mean, you know -- all the years with aerosmith. a little control substance issue there as well, by the way, but he's now "american idol." he's loving it. he's got this incredible house

in the hollywood hills. he's living the life, and it's great. he talks openly about everything. >> jimmy: yeah. does he -- did he always lived in l.a.? >> no, no, no, no. he boston. he's a boston, new hampshire guy. [ cheers ] yeah, new hampshire. [ applause ] he actually -- he met joe perry in new hampshire. that's where they met and formed the band. >> jimmy: like at a camp or something? >> yeah -- yeah. he had a -- well, he had a -- his family had, like, a camp, not like a day camp or a sleep away camp -- they had one of those camps, like, from -- what's the movie? "dirty dancing." one of those places. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and through the -- he wrote a book about his life. through the entire book -- this is late-night, i'll get bleeped anyway. i won't say it. he called joe perry, joe f-ing perry. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they're the toxic twins. toxic twins. he's rock 'n' roll legend. >> i know. >> jimmy: and you sat next to him on a piano, which is -- >> sat at a piano. and he - he -- every time i'd ask him a question, he'd turn and go into, like -- you know, these classic aerosmith -- >> jimmy: "dream on" or something? >> "dream on." it was fantastic. >> jimmy: we actually have a clip of you and steven tyler. >> do you? >> jimmy: it's very funny. here's matt lauer with steven tyler. >> i'm going to start with the title, because it's the first thing that caught my attention.

does the noise in my head bother you? what's the noise in your head? >> okay, it goes like this -- or it could go like this. ♪ it will take about an hour i'll tell you all a story about me and matt lauer and drugs ♪ no, we'll leave it at that. that will be all over -- >> jimmy: is that there are constantly? >> pretty much, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the "today" show! >> oh, he's the best. >> jimmy: great job. great job. the "today" show wall-to-wall royal wedding, friday starting at 4:00 a.m. matt lauer, everybody. we'll be right back with miranda cosgrove. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ mom: we have a pretty big family. yeah. all boys. i call them our starting five. yeah. boom! so when we go out, like the other night, we have to make sure they get enough to eat. pass these down to your brothers and make sure they get some, okay? try olive garden's new four cheese pastachettis. starting at just $9.95. folded pasta ribbons filled with italian cheeses. try them with grilled chicken breasts in a garlic cream sauce,

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening is a talented young actor and musical performer, who will headline the upcoming "dancing crazy summer tour" and can also seen in her smash-hit tv show "icarly." please welcome back to the show miranda cosgrove! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to see us. >> yeah. thanks for having me.

>> jimmy: did you get your driver's license yet? >> i'm so embarrassed of this question. you asked me last time. i still haven't. >> jimmy: why? >> i haven't gotten it. >> jimmy: what is going on with you? >> i don't know. something horrible is going on with me. >> jimmy: are you practicing? do you have a learner's permit? do you have any of that stuff? >> i've practicing a little bit with my dad and also my next door neighbor. she's my age. >> jimmy: oh, your next door neighbor. does she have her license? >> no. and it's not perfectly legal, so i don't know if i should be saying that. >> jimmy: where do you cruise around? like parking lots? >> in the parking lot. >> jimmy: yeah. i used to practice a lot like, parallel parking. are you good at that or no? >> uh, no. i haven't tried parking yet. i haven't even reversed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: reversed? it isn't even a thing. >> it's a big thing. >> jimmy: "i haven't even reversed." i love that. now, since you were here you took the s.a.t.s. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i was very proud of you. >> thanks. >> jimmy: i'm your guidance counselor. >> you told me what to expect. >> jimmy: yes, yes, and you did well? >> i did pretty well. i just found out i got into nyu and usc. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is major.

wait, nyu and usc? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's both coasts. what are you going to do? >> i don't know what i'm going to do. and i have to decide in the next few weeks, i think. >> jimmy: what are the pros and cons? what are you thinking? >> well, i love new york. i absolutely love it here. i'm from l.a., so my whole family's there. >> jimmy: so your parents are leaning towards. >> my dad went to usc, he's leaning towards usc. >> jimmy: oh, then definitely nyu. [ laughter ] your parents are close to you? go the other way. i mean, 'cause you love your parents. i mean, it's a such an experience to get away. >> yeah. that's the whole point of college, right? >> jimmy: you cry a couple nights. that's just me. but, yeah. [ laughter ] you learn to live on your own. you get a little -- like a little hot plate, a little, tiny refrigerator. college is fun. you're going to love it. has are you going to major in? you know? >> um, i'm not sure. i think theater, i'm pretty sure. >> jimmy: you'll do great in that. you're fantastic. this picture that came out a couple weeks ago. this is gorgeous. look at your picture in there. isn't that cool? [ applause ] you look beautiful.

i like the article, it's "new york times" magazine, very kind of -- your first adult kind of -- usually i see you on "teen beat." but i see those, like that, this is actually an article about you and all that stuff and everything you're doing. it's pretty cool. i like that picture. >> it was really interesting to do it because they followed me around a month or so. i felt like i was on a reality show or something. >> jimmy: a month? >> yeah. >> jimmy: good lord. >> it was pretty fun. it was good. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i don't know if that would be fun for me. then you have this. look at this. this is a dvd with a little extras called "high maintenance," miranda cosgrove, and what's cool with this, you do a song with rivers cuomo? >> yeah. >> jimmy: from weezer? >> i love weezer. i was freaking out when i got to do a song with him. >> jimmy: how did that come around about? >> you know, i'm actually friends with the producer doctor luke who's worked with him a lot. he introduced me -- >> jimmy: luke that used to play the guitar on "saturday night live?" >> yeah. so he introduced me, and then i got to do a song with him. >> jimmy: that's awesome. i'm so excited. can't wait to hear it. i want to hear the song. you are on tour now?

>> i'm getting ready to go on tour. >> jimmy: a tour bus? >> yes. i didn't get the unicorn with the segue on the side. >> jimmy: i thought that was a great idea. i said airbrush, a unicorn riding a segue. you didn't get that? >> no, i didn't get that. it was all black. but this tour, i'm thinking, i'm going to go for that. if could you do some sketches for me maybe. >> jimmy: a unicorn playing ping-pong or something. something like that would be a fun tour bus. "oh, man, there's cosgrove. she's cool. >> there's no words. >> jimmy: "icarly" picks up again. season five now? >> yeah. we're going to start that season next week. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you're so great on that show. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: everyone loves the show. so funny. a lot adults are now watching the show, too, which is interesting for nickelodeon. yeah, adults are watching. you have like 2 million viewers for that iomg show. it's amazing. our writers, we have two writers on the show that are obsessed with you and "icarly." and i was thinking, if you don't mind, i'd like to challenge to you a trivia contest.

>> i'm up for it. >> jimmy: you versus the two writers. is that okay? >> yeah, let's do it. >> all right, everybody. please welcome two "late night" writers and "icarly" superfans and mike dicenzo and john haskell, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> how you doing? >> nice shirts. >> thank you. >> jimmy: are you ready? >> from the show. >> jimmy: are these not writers? come on, this is so real. all right, here's the way this is going to work. i'm going to ask you one question to each of you. one question to you. one question to you. if you get wrong, you can pass and the other person can steal the point. the first person to three wins the whole game. >> all right. >> i'm nervous. >> i'm nervous, too. >> jimmy: you ready? you ready, haskell? >> yeah. >> jimmy: here we go. miranda, question number one. how does the manager of the groovy smoothies prefer the food to be served? >> on a stick. >> jimmy: that's correct. ♪ [ applause ] all right, one point, miranda. ready? okay.

you don't get bonus -- come on. unbelievable. all right, ready, guys? >> yes. >> jimmy: what are carly, sam and freddie's last name. >> should we do it in order? carly shea, freddy benson, sam puckett. >> jimmy: ah, come on. >> wow. >> jimmy: that is correct. ♪ [ applause ] >> i wasn't expecting that. >> jimmy: miranda, are you freaked out right now? >> no. >> jimmy: miranda, name at least two categories that sam won in the yearbook. >> ooh. oh, no. class clown and she was a pageant girl. no? >> jimmy: no! [ sad tuba ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: you guys want to try a steal? >> yes. we watched pageant girl last night. >> we actually did. >> but that's -- >> jimmy: two categories in the yearbook. won more than that, but give me two. >> class clown sounds like a good guess.

maybe puppets -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what kind of yearbook -- have you never seen a yearbook? >> final answer. >> jimmy: no. absolutely not. most likely to get suspended, teacher's pest, most likely to ask for more food at a party and most likely to be in detention. so wrong. all right, ready? writer's question. what is the tablet device that was introduced on the show called? >> pear pad. i feel bad. you gave her an easy one. i mean a -- >> jimmy: oh, my god. i'm so sorry. miranda, what is the name of gibby's younger brother? >> guffy. >> jimmy: hey, that's right. [ applause ] so we're tied. writers, for the win -- where is carly and spencer's dad? >> he's in the navy. >> jimmy: that is correct. he's in the navy! all right, yeah.

[ cheers ] >> this is good. >> jimmy: on a submarine in the navy. you guys, our thanks to miranda cosgrove. check out "icarly" on nickelodeon or nick.com. andy cohen joins us next. he's hanging out in the bud light green room! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] bursting with mouth-watering real fruit and refreshingly blended with creamy low-fat yogurt, mcdonald's strawberry-banana and wild berry smoothies are 100% pure sipping fun. the simple joy of real fruit smoothies. ♪ these wheat thins crunch stix will save us. [ crunch ] look!

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a bravo tv executive responsible for many of your favorite shows from "top chef" to all the "real

housewives." he's awesome. [ cheers ] he also hosts "watch what happens live" thursdays and sundays at 11:00pm. please welcome andy cohen, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i've always wanted to hear the roots do "tardy to the party." it's perfect. >> jimmy: i love that you're on my show. i've been on your show a couple times. >> yes, you have. >> jimmy: it is such a blast. >> its so fun. >> jimmy: i love going on there, but everyone is drunk on your show. >> you know what? we serve alcohol. i feel like the last time were you there you were a little horrified because we have a little audience. nothing like this. 15 people, if we're lucky. >> jimmy: it's like "wayne's world." >> it's like "wayne's world" meet a fellini movie, basically. and so we have this little audience. and my friend, graciella was in the audience. and during a commercial break, she dared me to do a shot of whiskey. and she's the type of friend, when she dares me to do something, i have to do it.

and i felt like you were, "what is going on here?" >> jimmy: this was during a commercial break? >> yes. >> jimmy: you're going to be wasted before the show. >> typically, though, i sip. i just sip. >> jimmy: what is your drink of choice? >> it is maker's mark and ginger ale. that's my show drink. >> jimmy: your show drink? >> my show drink. "m" apostrophe. m' show drink. >> jimmy: on "watch what happens live," there's all sorts of crazy fun moments. because you have all these "real housewives," you have all of these different people on as guests. >> yes. >> jimmy: but other people as guests, too. any moments -- crazy -- >> we've had some "housewives" break down during commercial break, but that's just kind of par for the course. >> jimmy: it's the best! it's the best! >> we had a moment -- fun for you. you got pushed down. >> jimmy: i did. theresa. she said, nobody puts me in the corner. how about that? you don't push my andy cohen. >> the whole day was so traumatic it was like being in the middle of vietnam. and when it ended, i barely

remembered that i got pushed. i was like, did i get pushed? >> jimmy: i mean there were pillows thrown, she knocked you right oust way. >> we had a moment on "watch what happens live" where patti labelle was on. and i love ms. patti. and i gave her a plate of crabs because i heard she loves crabs. and i guess our lighting guy leaned on the lighting board or something happened and we had a little blackout at "watch what happens live." and the only light was on the tray of crab. [ laughter ] and we go to commercial -- >> jimmy: what a weird show. it's a weird show. >> spotlight on crabs. i got to say, "i gave patti labelle crabs." [ laughter ] that what's what i wanted to do. >> jimmy: this thursday, 11:00. >> yes. >> jimmy: you're doing royal wedding coverage. >> yeah. it's our royal wedding spectacular. >> jimmy: so it's going to be the same as matt lauer's? >> oh, it's very similar to matt's experience. i've got the foremost expert on the royal weddings. we have the countess, luann de lesseps.

>> jimmy: oh, i love the countess! >> recording artist from "the real housewives of new york" and kat who is from the housewives of d.c. kat, famously, made out with prince harry a few years ago. so i feel like of all these royal experts, this is the woman that -- >> jimmy: you can talk to. >> absolutely. so, yes, i'm very excited about that. matt lauer actually taught me how to cross my legs on tv, because he's so -- he crosses his legs very tightly. >> jimmy: he is a leg crosser. >> he's a great leg crosser. i used to be like this or this is, but he taught me. >> jimmy: a very tight cross. >> a tight cross. >> jimmy: he really does. i can do whatever i want back here because i'm behind things. >> yeah, really. you're not wearing pants. >> jimmy: i'm not wearing pants. >> shocking. l.a. >> jimmy: i never realized that. that you're pale. i'm very hairy. >> well, i actually thought you would be harrier! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "real housewives of

jersey" -- dude -- what is going down? >> we have a 90-minute premiere. it was so good, it was 90 minutes. >> jimmy: that's what i love about you. you put all these shows on. like when i was the judge on "top chef," you're behind the scenes on the set and you're doing stuff. >> you were great on "top chef." >> jimmy: that was so fun. >> and that was terrible. had to make a buddha girl. >> jimmy: "i couldn't learn how to make a burger." then you can't be top chef. sorry. >> thank you. >> jimmy: but you do all of these things. "real housewives of new york" came out, and you said, "it's not ready. not ready for air. not going to show the premiere. don't have enough good stuff." >> and is it ready, my friend? >> jimmy: boy, oh, boy, is it ready. these women are off the charts this year. they are nuts. >> we've got a three-episode trip to morocco coming up with the "housewives of new york." morocco will never be the same. >> jimmy: it's like, they're just talking about, ramona talking about, who was she talking about?

she was talking about somebody and she's like, this creepy looking boa and -- then he goes, "he's right behind you." and that was fantastic, you can't write that type of stuff. it's phenomenal television. the countess. >> the countess. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> wait till you hear what she has to say about the royal wedding. >> jimmy: oh, my god. i can't wait. >> she has a chapter in her book, class with the countess. call them how to speak to -- the royals. how to speak -- how to address a royal. >> jimmy: what's it called? >> "money can't buy you class." >> jimmy: "money can't buy you class." ♪ money can't buy you class elegance is learned my friend ♪ >> jimmy: elegance is learned, my friend. awesome. >> jimmy: new jersey, may 16th. >> 90-minute episode. >> jimmy: theresa is going off. >> theresa's sister-in-law is on the show this season, melissa. and they don't love each other, as it turns out, that much. just a little --

>> jimmy: yeah. >> it's a supersized christening episode, the premiere. >> jimmy: oh, brilliant. oh, my god! a christening in new jersey? >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm there, i love it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys, andy cohen. check out "watch what happens live," royal wedding spectacular, thursday 11:00 p.m. on bravo. and send him a tweet, too. @bravoandy, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: twisted sister performs next. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests, oh, my goodness, they are headlining a concert friday at new york's best buy theater to benefit the ocular immunology and uveitis foundation. they're leading an auction on peepers guitars and amps for the same cause, really cool stuff. also, they've got re-mastered versions of their classic albums like "stay hungry." they're available right now. i'm so happy they're here performing their classic "we're not gonna take it." please welcome one of my favorites, twisted sister!

♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it oh, we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ ♪ we've got the right to choose it there ain't no way we'll lose it ♪ ♪ this is our life this is our song ♪ ♪ we'll fight the powers that be just don't pick our destiny ♪ ♪ 'cause you don't know us you don't belong oh, we're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ ♪ oh, we're not gonna

take it anymore oh, you're so condescending your gall is never ending ♪ ♪ we don't want nothin' not a thing from you ♪ ♪ your life is trite and jaded boring and confiscated ♪ ♪ if that's your best your best won't do we're right we're free ♪ ♪ we'll fight you'll see oh, we're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it anymore we're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it anymore

no way ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ whoa sing it whoa ♪ ♪ we're right we're free ♪ ♪ we'll fight you'll see ♪ ♪ sing it for me now! ♪ we're not gonna take it come on! no, we ain't gonna take it you ain't ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it come on no, we ain't gonna take it ♪

♪ we're not gonna take it anymore sing it, sing it, sing it ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ ♪ one more time one more time one more time ♪ ♪ we're not gonna take it louder no, we ain't gonna take it ♪ ♪ yeah we're not gonna take it anymore ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! oh, man! oh, my gosh! twisted sister! visit pinkburstproject.org. for more information on their