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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 27, 2012 12:35am-1:35am PDT

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♪ you keep me thinking and wishing that you're gonna change but you just ♪ ♪ yeah you just stay the same oooh just stay the same ♪ ♪ what kind of man makes a woman cry why you do what you do ♪ ♪ why you hurt me baby you don't love anyone but yourself no ♪ ♪ you keep me thinking and wishing that you're gonna change but you just ♪ ♪ yeah you just stay the same ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: yeah, that was great! mozella! thank you so much. that was fantastic. >> thank you. >> jay: thank you, ladies, thank you. i want to thank my guests,
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colin farrell, dwyane wade, and of course, mozella. tomorrow night, jeremy renner and betty white will be here, but jimmy fallon is happening right now! jimmy, nice job! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy: hey! how are you guys doing? thank you. i feel the love. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. hey, here's some -- here's some election news. election news. yeah, i read that one of the presidential debates, this fall, will have a town hall format where citizens will ask the candidates questions. the most common question, are you the only two choices? [ laughter ] that's right. at the second presidential debate, citizens will get to ask questions. or as ron paul put it, all right i finally get to talk in a debate. this is fantastic! [ light laughter ] some more political news. new jersey governor chris christie said he will think about running for president in 2016 if obama wins in november. but until then he said he'll just think about pancakes. [ laughter and applause ] so excited. you guys, we have bill cosby, fred willard, and no doubt on the show tonight!
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[ cheers and applause ] oh, i love them. i love every single one of them. it was weird though, when i went backstage to say hi, gwen stefani was like, "shh, don't speak." [ laughter ] thought that was weird. some big international news, you guys. scotland announced that it will legalize gay marriage. [ cheers ] i don't know what's bigger news, that scotland did that or that a country where guys wear plaid skirts didn't already have gay marriage. i just don't -- [ laughter ] but it's good. >> steve: it's great. >> jimmy: yeah. what's that one -- you have that -- what's our one scottish friend? >> steve: william fitzpatrick. >> jimmy: yeah, and what -- what's his boyfriend's name? >> steve: patrick fitzwilliam. >> jimmy: well, that's good. [ laughter ] >> steve: they get along. they were made for each other. >> jimmy: hey, guys, in sports news, alex rodriguez could be on the disabled list for a month after he broke his left hand on tuesday night. that's right, a month where a-rod can't hit. or as it's usually known, the
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playoffs. [ laughter ] check this out you guys. germany has opened a new hotline that lets people call in and yell curse words at strangers on the other end. [ scattered cheers ] we have something similar in america. it's called time warner customer service. [ laughter and applause ] it works almost the same. yeah, i unplugged it, you -- wait, oh, i didn't. oh, sorry, i forgot. i didn't unplug it. and finally, some olympic news, i read that the youngest athlete on team usa is a swimmer who's 15-years-old. while the youngest athlete on team china is a gymnast who should be born any minute now. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man. what a show. you guys, it's olympic week here
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at nbc. it is amazing. it is stupendous. it is incredible. it's time for the "late night" olympic countdown. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ gunfire ] [ shouting ] >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's one day left. only one day left. we have a fun show tonight. he is a comedy icon. we couldn't be more honored to have him back on our show. bill cosby is here. [ cheers and applause ] also, we love this guy. fred willard is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] he's got some stuff he wants to talk about.
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and we have music from the one, the only, no doubt, you guys. i'm very excited. [ cheers and applause ] you've heard of the band. they've heard of them. they're going to kill it. they sound great. >> steve: nuts. >> jimmy: you guys, as you know, on our show -- we're always striving to get better here at "late night." ♪ ♪ harder better faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so before every show we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you think of the show. things you like to see us do. that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box. here we go. ♪ ♪ suggestion box [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. here, we got the box here that the audience puts suggestions in. the first one is from danielle -- daniel miller. it says, "hey, jimmy, you're announcer steve higgins does a great impression of the rapper shaggy. can you have him do a shaggy rap
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about shaggy's favorite cereal?" well, daniel that is true. our announcer steve higgins has one of the best shaggy impressions in the business. you guys want to see higgins do a shaggy rap about shaggy's favorite -- [ cheers and applause ] -- shaggy's favorite cereal. >> steve: favorite cereal. >> jimmy: favorite cereals, yeah. here we go. ♪ ♪ i like the captain crunch i eat it for lunch and the lucky charms ♪ ♪ i like to munch i like the kix the trix the wheat ♪ ♪ i mix them all up with my cookie crisp i can't get enough of my coco puffs ♪ ♪ i eat 'em up until i feel stuffed frosted flakes apple jacks♪ ♪ give me a smack and i'll smack you back yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i lika cookie crispa. >> jimmy: i think shaggy likes the cookie crisp. give me a smack and i'll smack you back. [ light laughter ] oh. this next suggesting is from
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ashley burke. "jimmy, can you find someone in your studio audience who looks like a cross between young tom hanks and an alien?" [ light laughter ] let's see, do we have anyone? i could probably find somebody in the audience that -- [ laughter ] yeah, that guy looks pretty much -- pretty good, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. that's a good suggestion. this next one is from fran sheredon. it said "jimmy, i'd like to see a scene from the animated classic 'he-man' revoiced with naughty lines from '50 shades of grey.'" [ audience oohs ] that's a great suggestion. i'd like to see that, too. so here's a clip from "50 shades of grayskull." >> i thought it was chocolate hot fudge brownie sex that we had with a cherry on top. >> i don't remember hearing anything about nipple clamps. >> i found some baby oil. let me rub it on your behind. [ growl ] >> jimmy: all right, very nice.
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there we go. [ cheers and applause ] "50 shades of grayskull." this next suggestion's from dernard trout. he said, "jimmy, i love card tricks. can you have someone come out and do one?" you know what, i actually know the perfect guy for this. his name's the great benito. we've had him on the show before. let's bring him out. the great benito everybody. fantastic. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i feel like -- i feel we're all ready in a trick somehow. the great benito, you're going to perform a card trick for us tonight? >> yes, that's right, jedidiah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: jimmy. uh, yeah. okay. well, this is the card trick. all right, i'm ready. i'd love to play. >> okay, then. [ clears throat ] ♪ pick a card. any card. [ laughter ] now, study it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> memorize it. >> jimmy: yep.
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>> show it to the people. yes, i shall shield by eye. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. >> okay? >> jimmy: yep. >> now, place that card back into the deck. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and your hand is the deck. >> obey me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what a magician says. oh, yeah, it's there in the deck. >> shuffle. [ laughter ] shuffle. >> jimmy: shuffle. >> shuffle. is that your card? >> jimmy: that's exactly my card. >> every time! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that is amazing. that is unbelievably amazing. >> now, where is the bathroom? now, i had a batch of bird claw soup go south on me. >> jimmy: it's over that way. >> no. >> jimmy: okay. take care, buddy. >> a brother's gotta drain the main vein. >> jimmy: all right. thank you very much. thank you, pal. the great bandito, everybody.
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[ cheers and applause ] bird claw soup went south on him or whatever happened. >> steve: he also has to drain the main vein. >> jimmy: yeah. okay, this one's from lanya adams. "jimmy, i'm a big fan of 'the cosby show,' especially all of the funny noises bill cosby would make. can you show me a clip featuring some of bill cosby's funny noises?" i am a huge fan of "the cosby show" and i love bill cosby, too, lanya. i'd love to see that clip. so here's a clip featuring some of the funny noises bill cosby made on "the cosby show." [ random noises ] >> jimmy: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] can't beat that. let's try another one here. this is from brett wayne mackie. he says "hey, jimmy, i love the olympics and i love the movie 'cool runnings.' i even heard they made a sequel to 'cool runnings' called 'cool
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runnings 2: cooler runnings' starring the roots. [ laughter ] is there any way i can see that?" you know, that's true. we have the movie and it's pretty short. we can actually show you the whole thing. check it out. here's "cool runnings 2: cooler runnings." ♪ >> yo. >> what's up? >> i'll tell you what's up. read this. >> we've been selected for the jamaican bobsled team. [ screaming ] >> these sure are some cool runnings. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a line? great script. it sounds like the script is really good. that one went straight to the internet. >> steve: right, yeah. >> jimmy: here we go. we have a last one here. this last one's from wu pang. it says "hi, jimmy, my name is wu pang and i'm on the chinese
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national swimming team. we don't get as much attention as some of the other teams in the olympics so it's hard to get motivated. do you think you could give us a little pep talk?" well, wu pang, i do love a good pep talk so, sure, here we go. ♪ take a knee, chinese national swimming team. so you're not getting as much attention as michael phelps and ryan lochte. you think ringo cared that he didn't get as much attention as paul and john? does screech care that zach and slater got all the girls? maybe a little bit. but you still need to compete with pride, courage, strength. or as you say -- [ speaking foreign language ] i'm talking to every swimmer. fu you-ahn-hwee chen juo. xin-xin. lou jing.
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even wang shun. [ laughter ] and i want everybody to have fun tonight. everybody, wang chung tonight. [ laughter ] that goes for hau yun, dai jun, gao chang, pang jiaying, zhao jin, shi tengfei, ji liping. that's just who i could remember off the top of my head. so when you get in the pool just remember, try your best. because at the end of the day, even if the u.s. wins the gold, we're still going to have to give it back to you to pay off our debt. [ laughter ] that's all the time we have for audience suggestion box. we'll be right back with bill cosby. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this happy couple used capital one venture miles for their "destination wedding." double miles you can "actually" use. but with those single mile travel cards...
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jimmy: our first guest is a comedy legend who will be performing tomorrow night at harrah's in atlantic city, new jersey and saturday night at the watertown fairgrounds arena in watertown, new york. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the great, bill cosby. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, that is how you make an entrance, right there. [ cheers and applause ] that is how you make an entrance. that is some good -- >> me. >> jimmy: how -- now -- what -- [ laughter ] i can't dance like that. >> no, because you're not the right size. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, come on, now. why am i -- why -- what do you call that type of dance? what would one call that? >> it's called not being afraid to make people smile. because it, actually, is off time. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it is? >> whatever time they're in, i'm off. [ laughter ] so -- so -- so -- so people look at it and they start -- they look like this.
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>> jimmy: yeah, they start laughing. >> because no, no -- they smile. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they smile. they say, "well, i can do that." [ laughter ] and then the guy's wife says, "you better not." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> because you know some guys, they just -- you know, everything is -- i used to, in the '40s, dance with the woman. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> see, now, you get the woman, and you go out, and she goes over there and you stay right here. >> jimmy: yeah, you dance by yourself. [ light laughter ] yeah. while the woman is somewhere else. >> oh, yeah, this is self dancing. so you can do that. i wouldn't worry about it. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no -- but i can't do that. >> no, you're not supposed to. you're supposed to do jimmy stuff. [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] see that's where you get into trouble. see, some people clap for anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, because -- no, because they're excited. because i don't know what jimmy stuff is. >> jimmy stuff is -- >> jimmy: see, i'd came out, i'd be like --
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: anything? anything? >> yes, it was -- did you see me smiling? >> jimmy: yes, i did. it works. it works. >> you're doing it now. i don't give instructions. >> jimmy: no. >> you just go out. now, the only thing is -- are you married? >> jimmy: yes, i am. >> don't take your wife out -- >> jimmy: get ready -- >> -- when you get ready to do that. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> because it's going to be -- it won't be the end of the marriage, but it's going to be rocky. >> jimmy: it's going to be rocky. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it's going to be rocky. they don't like the husband to make a fool of himself. >> jimmy: yeah. >> see, if you make a fool of yourself -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> then people look at her and say, "you married that?"
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: comparative -- >> dancing fool. >> jimmy: yes. >> but if you're out, by yourself, you can do that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and don't have liquor on your breath. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] i actually have a clip of you that's been floating around on the internet -- >> wait a minute. >> jimmy: oh, no, it's a good clip. >> doing what? >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] >> well, okay. >> jimmy: you're actually just dancing. >> all right. >> jimmy: but i just wanted to -- let's take a look at this. this is bill cosby dancing at home. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know -- you know it's funny. >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, you know it and you feel it. i want to talk to you because i know you're excited about the olympics. >> yes. >> jimmy: and i am excited about it because you were an athlete. >> yes, i were. >> jimmy: yes, you were an athlete for temple university. look at you here.
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[ cheers and applause ] yeah. studly, wearing the sweater. but you were -- >> yes, 187, 32 inch waste. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yes, powerful thighs. [ laughter ] and my wife -- >> jimmy: that sounds like something you put on right now, you -- [ laughter ] i can get one laugh, come on. >> hey, it's your show. >> jimmy: no way, no, i know. [ light laughter ] >> it's your show. they laughed at you because it's your -- [ light laughter ] but that's all right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and, so my wife, we're laying up there watching "i-spy." >> jimmy: sure. >> which is 47-years-old, and all of a sudden my wife says "there it is. there it is." i said, you know -- i said, "what, what?" and she said, "your behind." [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: what happened to it? >> were you there? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: bill, bill. bill, get over -- bill. come back, bill, please. i was not there. i just -- i knew -- >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: i knew where you were going with it. >> hey, boy. [ laughter ] you been around my house? >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [ talking over each other ] we're okay. we're okay. >> you've been around my house? >> jimmy: no, no, we're all good. where'd you get this picture? >> jimmy: no, i -- [ laughter and applause ] >> you gonna do more than that dance tonight. [ laughter ] my -- my brother. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, all right, yeah. you guys, i'm going to talk more with bill cosby when we get back. that's a photo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ music plays ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: welcome back. we're talking to the one and only bill cosby. we were talking about this nice picture of you here at temple when you were an athlete. >> yes. >> jimmy: look at this guy. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] high jumping. >> horrible form. >> jimmy: high jumping. >> horrible -- >> jimmy: well, you didn't hit the pole. >> no, no. it is tipped though -- i don't know. maybe. >> jimmy: maybe -- >> no. >> that's clear. no. yeah, that's when i was throwing the javelin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here you are with a shot put, bill cosby. >> now, everybody is laughing. look at that form. >> jimmy: man, that's good. >> no, you don't know anything about that. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: why don't i? >> i never had any coaching. i just went around grabbing things and throwing them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, there was a time -- i want to tell you this. at a track meet, a dual meet, i was running for the quantico marines, even though i was in the navy.
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and i'm a high jumper, and my best was 6'7" and 3/4. but, and this particular day, we were at pitt. 1958, '59. and i went out at 5'11." so, i'm upset with myself and i got a place in the meet. so, i went over to the long jump, and they had two -- it was called the broad jump those days. >> jimmy: yeah, broad. >> and i messed up. no points, man. and i'm -- so i walk by this cage, like a batting cage, you know. >> jimmy: sure. >> i walk by, and there is a guy standing there. and he's got a clip board, "last call for the hammer throw!" so i look, and there's nobody there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, i said to the guy, "well, where are the hammer throwers?" and he says, "well, it looks like we don't have any." so i said, "well, you have one
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now." [ light laughter ] i did. and i won first, second and third place. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: did you get a medal? >> now, i have never thrown the thing in my life, but i want to place. i got to get a point or something. well, doctor, it's got a long steel thing and then a handle and the ball like the shot put. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, i get in the circle. i had seen some film. now, this cage, the top goes out this way and it's the side. and the man is where you are. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and do i like this. and i have seen the film. and then, i take it -- i went up and round and round -- now, the centripetal force -- [ light laughter ] -- is now pulling against my hand. [ light laughter ] and i'm very -- or myself is saying to me -- [ light laughter ]
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"you have got to let go of this thing!" and the only thing i knew was is if i let go of it, and it's wrong, this thing is going to wrap around my -- and hit me in the face and my nose is going to be shorter than it is now, but much wider. [ laughter ] so -- and, i'm scared. and finally, man, fatigue starts to set it. so, myself said to me, "just let go." and i just did like that. and the hammer went up, hit the steel. sparks started coming. [ laughter ] this guy is over -- he's over here with the clipboard, and the thing hit and fell about six inches. [ laughter ] first, he says something you can't say on tv. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> and he says, "you win!"
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: you get the gold! [ cheers and applause ] >> no more. no more. >> jimmy: and you got the record for that. >> he did not want me to throw again. >> jimmy: no, now -- but, look at this. you with the javelin, too. i mean, you were a decathlete. >> yeah, well, the javelin is a very dangerous, dangerous sport if you don't know what you're doing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and that i did not know. [ laughter ] i threw this thing. see, if you don't know this, this side of my head is sunken more than this side. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> and it's because i would hit myself in the head many times and -- >> jimmy: is that how you became a comedian? [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] [ laughter ] bill, don't leave. bill, come back. we just -- one more minute of talking, please?
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i won't do that anymore. >> why would you do that? >> jimmy: i'm sorry. [ light laughter ] >> what else have you back here? >> jimmy: i have a bunch of things. >> you got any pictures of me with speedy stella? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is such a private joke, i don't know who gets that. [ laughter ] but, i don't have any. you know what i do have back here, though, honestly? >> what is it? >> jimmy: i have one of my favorite albums of yours. >> oh, i'll sign it for you. >> jimmy: you will? >> yeah, that is old. >> jimmy: look at -- >> how long have you had this? >> jimmy: i've had this for probably 20 years. [ cheers and applause ] >> you just ruined my joke. >> jimmy: oh, gosh. how'd i ruin it? no, do it again. set me up. >> the joke is -- how long have you had it? i just bought it. >> jimmy: okay, let me do it again. >> no, okay, let's do it again. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. here it is, right here. >> ladies and gentlemen of the jury -- [ laughter ] i always wondered how a lawyer could do that and get away with it. pretend you never heard him say he did it. [ light laughter ] okay, so -- this is bob hope. oh, my goodness, jimmy! >> jimmy: yeah?
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>> when did you buy this? >> jimmy: i just bought it. [ light laughter ] >> try to say it without stammering. >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right. [ laughter and applause ] okay, let's do it again. ready? [ laughter ] >> blah, blah. blah, blah. >> jimmy: i have something else back here. >> huh? >> jimmy: i have something else back here. >> okay. >> jimmy: i have one of my favorite records of yours. >> yes, indeed! >> jimmy: look at this. bill cosby, a fantastic price. [ cheers ] >> that's right. too much laughter. [ laughter ] from him. there. now, you have pictures of me. that's when i was imitating jim brown on the football field. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and this is a picture of me advertising bad haircuts. [ laughter ] so, now, the other thing is -- how long have you had this album? >> jimmy: i just bought this. [ light laughter ] >> okay, how much did you pay for it? [ light laughter ]
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you're supposed to say, "$2.99." >> jimmy: okay. >> hey. >> jimmy: hey. >> what do you have there? >> jimmy: one of my favorite albums. what do you mean? it's one of my favorite albums of yours -- [ laughter ] i had it back there. >> how much -- when did you buy it? [ laughter ] okay, last -- last time. last take. >> jimmy: okay, let's do it one more time. [ laughter ] >> hey, bob -- >> jimmy: hey, no, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] all right, here we go. ready to go? [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: one more time. >> you know, philadelphia, that sound, is -- [ scattered cheers ] no, no. you people know, that sound -- that sound he just made, he's saying something about my mother. >> jimmy: no, no, no. bill, that is not -- please calm down. that is not what he's saying. no, no, bill! calm down. bill, calm down. right here, there you go.
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ready? >> what are we going to do? >> jimmy: i have a surprise for you. >> we're going to go get him together, you and i. [ laughter ] my old partner, bob hope, whenever i say let's go get him -- >> jimmy: he was there. >> huh? >> jimmy: he there was for you. >> no, he said, "let me go get somebody else." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. but, i -- in my case, do you want me to go other with you? >> huh? well, i don't want to hear that again, you understand? >> jimmy: yeah. >> because he's saying something about my mother. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: can you say you're sorry. >> no, i don't want an apology because he's from another part of the city. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] and if i have to go out there for ribs or something -- >> jimmy: yeah, you want to make sure they -- >> i want to make sure that they let -- because, you know, they have the -- they let you come in but they won't let you out. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. won't let you leave. >> it's a different thing, the way black people work. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i have something for you. >> really? >> jimmy: no. >> hey, where did you get that? >> jimmy: wait, i didn't pull it out, yet. [ laughter ] >> oh. >> jimmy: let me pull it -- let me pull it out.
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>> i'm glad this is not radio. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is bill cosby "sports." >> what? >> jimmy: it's one of my favorite records. >> you're kidding. when did you buy this? >> jimmy: i just bought it today. >> how much did you pay? >> jimmy: $2.99. >> $299? >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> no, you messed up the whole joke. >> jimmy: no, i didn't because i -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] make it worth $299? >> yes, i will. >> jimmy: you're my favorite -- i appreciate you coming on all the time. >> no, you say that to everybody. >> jimmy: i do. [ light laughter ] >> oh, let's see. >> jimmy: no, don't touch that! >> no. [ speaking gibberish ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love, you, but sign wherever you want to sign right there. >> yeah, because it's mine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. thank you, so much. >> you are welcome. >> jimmy: bill cosby! [ cheers and applause ]
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check out for concert dates and all things cosby! thank you! come back, whenever -- whenever you feel like it. >> oh, it's a deal. >> jimmy: fred willard joins us after the break. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ siri, what's my day look like? [siri] another busy day today. are you serious? [siri] yes i'm not allowed to be frivolous. ah ok, move my 4 o'clock today to tomorrow. change my 11am to 2. [siri] ok marty, i scheduled it for today. is that rick? where's rick? [siri] here's rick. oh, no that's not rick. now, how's the traffic headed downtown? [siri] here's the traffic. ah, it's terrible, terrible! driver, driver! cut across, cut across, we'll never make it downtown this way. i like you siri, you're going places. [siri] i'll try to remember that.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our next guest is a great comedian. you've seen his work in everything from "modern family" and "everybody loves raymond" to "anchorman" and "best in show." his new comedy improv series "trust us with your life" airs on abc, tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. please welcome back to the show a very funny man. here's fred willard, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. jimmy, what do you want to talk about first? [ laughter ] you know, let me say this. it's the last time i'm going to listen to my wife when she says why don't you go out and see a movie. [ laughter ] you know, you wouldn't talk
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about this. the adult -- the whole adult theater thing. i thought they were gone. and i see this one. it had such a polynesian exotic look to it. i said, maybe there's hula dancers in here. >> jimmy: yeah. >> maybe there's mai-tais. i went in and i realized i was the only one awake and sober and conscious. >> jimmy: and conscious in the theater. do you mind me asking about this? can i ask you about this? >> absolutely, yes. >> jimmy: all right, yes. >> but, anyway, it was like a trip down -- "alice in wonderland" down the rabbit hole. fire away, i think there's -- all right. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well, the movie you went to see -- >> yes. >> jimmy: -- was it "the firm?" [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: was it "free willy?" [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: was it "anaconda?" [ laughter ] >> no, sadly it was "get shorty." [ laughter and applause ] wait a minute. >> jimmy: at the end of that movie someone gets whacked. >> okay --
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey. [ rim shot ] fred, at one point, i want -- can i just add that one point, though -- and you're watching the movie, did you think it was in 3d? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fred, i know this must be a tough time. >> it is very embarrassing. it's embarrassing as hell, you know? but let me say this. nothing happened. i did nothing wrong. everything's being sorted out as we speak. i have great respect for the authorities. i mean, when we need a policemen -- god bless them, they're there. but, if you're in the wrong place, at the wrong time, everything seems suspicious. and it's an embarrassment. it's very painful but i've tried to laugh it off. but my summary of the whole evening was -- it's an interesting theater, a boring movie, and a great place to take a nap. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: fantastic. well, i gotta say you're a good man. you've always been -- you're one of my favorite actors. >> thank you. >> jimmy: so you can come to our show and do whatever the heck you want to. >> thank you very much. i appreciate that. >> jimmy: except for certain things. [ laughter ] but -- we love you so much. and i thank you for coming on and just talking about it.
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i want to talk about your new show. >> yes. >> jimmy: because this sounds like something. it's right up your alley. you're going to kill at this show. "trust us with your life." >> yes, yes. it's a very interesting show. i don't know if you've seen it. what it is, i'm the host and i talk to a celebrity. and they get to a certain point in their life -- >> jimmy: give me an example. who would it be? >> well, it was jerry springer that was just on. and he told about a first date where she threw up on him. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i said, okay, that sounds like a very interesting scene for our improvisers to do a scene about. now, we have wayne brady, jonathan mangum, colin mochrie. they'll come up and improvise a sketch on that. >> jimmy: of your life. based on your life. >> right there. and they have a very interesting thing. it's called sideways scene. what they do, they go behind the screen and they lie down on the floor. and the camera's overhead so it looks like they're standing but they can do almost anything. they can -- >> jimmy: well, they're on their side. >> sort of like "the exorcist." yeah. >> jimmy: so it looks like they're walking or do whatever. >> yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: we have a clip of this. the very funny fred willard in the new show "trust us with your life." check it out.
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>> oh! [ laughter ] [ groaning ] [ cheers and applause ] >> some more. yes. >> that's right. >> you are late. >> i had things to do. all right, are we ready for the game? are you ready? >> oh, right now. [ laughter ] >> all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is genius. that's going to be a great show. >> it's a funny show. jonathan mangum, who's on the show, called me. he says, fred, if we get more people watching the show you won't have to do these stupid publicity stunts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: our thanks to fred willard, everybody. we love you. no doubt performs next. see you after the break. thank you my friend. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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want to hop in the back and get weird? no. family vacation... vegas. ♪ no. no. give it a big yank! really? yeah! [ knock on window ] no! no. ♪ ugh, no! [ sighs ] we can have hotdogs for dinner?! yes. [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no," it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects hotdogs. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives. it's yes food. made with 100% beef and no artificial preservatives. [ male announcer ] now at your tonight, take it easy and enjoy your favorite soup, salad and hot, hearty sub. like the toasty big hot pastrami melt. get to your local subway for some dinnertime deliciousness tonight. subway. eat fresh. anything you think you know about your life, it's all a lie. how did he get activated? ♪ track him! ♪
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just tell me what's going on. we're just trying to recover what's in your head. [ man ] the future depends on what you do next. ♪ you don't even know who you are. ♪ [ male announcer ] "total recall." rated pg-13.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our next guest will release their first album in 11 years. [ cheers ] it's called "push and shove." it comes out september 25th. they're here tonight to perform the first single from it called "settle down." we're thrilled to have them on the show, give it up for no
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doubt! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ ♪ what's your 20 do you copy where's your brain do you copy ♪ ♪ take it in to check you out concerned about your whereabouts ♪ ♪ copy that do you copy you're acting strange do you copy ♪ ♪ so tell me what is going on it's so heavy, i bet ♪ ♪ i'm fine and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ i'm hella positive for real i'm all good ♪ ♪ no i'm fine and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪
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♪ it's kind of complicated that's for sure but you can see it in my eyes you can read it ♪ ♪ on my lips i'm trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ and i really mean it this time and you know its such a trip don't get me started ♪ ♪ i'm trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ ♪ no big deal i can handle it it'll bounce off me i can handle it ♪ ♪ been around the block before doesn't matter anymore ♪ ♪ here we go again are you kidding me are you insane are you kidding me ♪ ♪ underneath the avalanche so heavy again ♪ ♪ i'm fine and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ i'm hella positive for real i'm all good ♪
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♪ i'm fine nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ it's kind of complicated that's for sure but you can see it in my eyes and read it ♪ ♪ on my lips i'm trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ and i really mean it this time and you know its such a trip don't get me started ♪ ♪ i'm trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ ♪ i'm a rough and tough i'm a rough and tough and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ i'm a rough and tough i'm a rough and tough and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ i'm a rough and tough i'm a rough and tough and nothing's gonna knock this girl down ♪ ♪ i'm a rough and tough i'm a rough and tough ♪ ♪ but you can see it in my eyes and read it ♪ ♪ on my lips i'm trying to get
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a hold on this ♪ ♪ and i really mean it this time you know its such a trip don't get me started ♪ ♪ i'm trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ gotta get a hold on this trying to get a hold on this ♪ ♪ don't get me started gotta get a hold on this ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ ♪ get get get in line and settle down get in line and settle down ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the way to do
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it. that's the way to do it. no doubt, everybody. look for the album, "push and shove" on september 25th! we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] olympic tennis players bob and mike bryan
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to bill cosby, fred willard, no doubt! and the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. have a great night.


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