tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 1, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to david spade, sophia bush, the both, cameron diaz and the roots right there ladies and gentlemen. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you so much for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- lucy liu, former congressman barney frank,
music from parquet courts, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? are we well? is everyone well? well, let's get started tonight with some international news. ukraine's acting president announced today that the government has lost control after several more government buildings were taken over by pro-russia forces. another sign that they've lost control? the phrase "acting president." [ laughter ] "i'm here for the part of president." [ laughter ]
[ with deep voice ] "you get out of here." that's my president voice. [ laughter ] [ with deep voice ] "you get out of here, russia." this is unbelievable. this week, glenn beck told listeners, if hillary clinton is elected, she will be having sex with a woman on the white house desk. [ laughter ] "well, she's got my vote," said bill clinton. [ laughter and applause ] and keep it classy, glenn beck. keep it classy. i love this. japanese fans have accused american filmmakers of making the new godzilla fatter in the upcoming remake. [ laughter ] and they might have a point because at the end of the movie, godzilla goes back into the ocean wearing a t-shirt. [ laughter ] right? [ cheers and applause ] godzilla, why are you wearing a t-shirt?
"body image." [ laughter ] okay. if you take it off, though, you're going to get cold. "no." [ light laughter ] anyone here on twitter? [ cheers and applause ] well, this week, twitter unveiled a new corporate philosophy, calling the company "a companion experience to what's happening in your world." although, if you're checking twitter, what's happening is -- you're on the toilet. [ laughter ] it just saves you time. i'll just tell you now. this could be trouble, the president of kenya has signed a new law that allows men in kenya to marry as many women as they want. which means kenyan men are about to become even better at running. [ laughter ] they're already very good. [ cheers and applause ] this might be the one thing that makes them better. i guess this is no surprise. new research from australia suggests that even social cocaine users are at a greater risk of developing heart disease.
cocaine users were sad about this news, but a lot happier when they came back from the bathroom. [ laughter ] "hey, you know what i've been thinking about? that heart disease thing -- i don't think that's true. i think that people in the survey are jealous. they're jealous of you and me because we -- we're winners. we're at the top of the world. you know what else? i think we should start a bar or a band. you know what we should do? we should start a bar, and then we'll play our band in the bar." [ laughter ] "i can't believe this! i gotta go to the bathroom again! i gotta go to the bathroom. i'm going to be right back." [ cheers and applause ] i love this story. during an interview on england's "this morning" talk show, an actress claims she had sex with a ghost. of course, he's not necessarily a ghost just because he disappeared afterwards. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] he might just be a dude. i feel like you guys were hopeful it was a ghost. you were sad that it wasn't a ghost. it was just a dude.
this is pretty interesting. there's a new dating site called gluten-free singles. [ laughter and applause ] which aims to make dating easier for people who are serious about being the worst. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] very good news. very good news today for apple fans. yesterday apple released a new version of its popular macbook air that is cheaper than the previous models. they're calling it a used macbook air. [ laughter ] if you love the mac book air, but you want something a little cheaper, you got to try used macbook air. [ laughter ] this is a little crazy. a british inventor has created a pair of men's underwear -- men's underwear that protect the genitals from cell phone radiation. [ light laughter ] though i think if you need that, you're using your cell phone wrong. [ light laughter ] hey, man, what's up?
what? oh, yeah, no, that is way better. that's way better. [ laughter ] i can't believe i've been holding it where i was holding it. i was sorry to hear this. heisman winning quarterback jameis winston was arrested in florida. he was arrested in florida after he was caught stealing crab legs from a supermarket. police apprehended him when he was spotted running sideways out the door. [ laughter ] and finally -- you guys like chipotle? [ cheers and applause ] well, new reports show that chipotle may raise the prices for its burritos, particularly those filled with steak. however, the price you pay after eating one will remain the same. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: how are we doing, 8g band? are we all well? fred, lovely to have you here. >> fred: ah, so happy to be here. >> seth: it's great having you. you know, i love having you here because i feel like when you're here, i learn something new about you every day. and i learned so many things that there are times i feel like you're just making it up on the spot. [ laughter ] like, is this true? did you -- yesterday, did you reconnect with your long lost twin? >> fred: yeah, i did. [ laughter ] >> seth: you did? how did that happen? >> fred: he lives in denver airport. [ laughter ] >> seth: sorry, he lives in the airport? >> fred: yes. and i was going through there, and i just saw this gentlemen. and i said right away, like, "you are my long lost twin." [ laughter ] and he said "no, i'm not." and i said, "i'm pretty sure that you are." >> seth: was this an identical twin? >> fred: i thought so, but not really. >> seth: okay. >> fred: so, in my opinion, yes,
absolutely identical. i mean, you won't believe the features. i mean, there's just little things -- nuances that are identical. >> seth: did he ever come around to the agreement that you were related? >> fred: not quite. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> fred: it took a lot of convincing. i haven't convinced him completely yet. but there is -- we do so many things alike. like, he was over at like -- you know, getting sandwiches and stuff. and the way he like dipped his sandwiches into the mayonnaise -- i was like -- that's how -- that's so creepy. [ laughter ] and his -- the way he walks -- the gait and everything. it just -- it was incredible. >> seth: okay. and now, i do want to ask this because it seems a little weird. has this happened to you before? have you felt -- has there ever been another time you thought you'd found your long lost twin? >> fred: yes. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> fred: it happens twice a year maybe? they're out there. >> seth: okay. and now, according to your mother, were you born a twin? >> fred: she won't answer me about that anymore. [ laughter ] she says, "i'm not going to answer you about this any more." >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ cheers and applause ] well, congratulations, fred, on finding your long lost twin. >> fred: thank you very much.
>> seth: that's so great. what's his name? did he give you his name? >> fred: yes, latitia. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's very exciting. i want to update everybody on what we're calling here credit card gate. i don't know if you've been watching this week. two weeks ago amy poehler and i go out to dinner. my old friend, the great amy poehler. we get the bill. we each pay with our credit cards. we split the bill. and then it turns out -- i realize two weeks later -- i've her credit card. which means she has had my credit card for two weeks. so, i am the responsible one. i call her. i go, "hey, you have my credit card. i have your credit card. i'm going to messenger it over with the money that i've spent in the last two weeks and put on your credit card." and she said, "great, i'll send back your credit card." but she didn't do that. instead, she sent me a picture of her holding both credit cards and the money -- [ laughter ] -- with the hashtag, "upper hand." [ laughter ] so, now it's wednesday. not only do i not have my credit card -- i looked at my credit card bills. she stayed in a hotel with my credit card.
and i have to say to these people at hotels, how is this happening? no wonder there's identity theft when a blonde woman is checking in with seth meyers' credit card and you're just letting that happen. [ laughter ] so i just want to say to proprietors of any sort of business around this country, this woman -- she's on a one-woman crime spree. [ laughter ] and she has to be stopped. i'd say get a second form of i.d. from her, but it's likely while i in the bathroom that she stole my driver's license. she is out to get me and she must be stopped because i don't have a credit card. and it's because of her. [ light laughter ] also, last night, i was at the time 100, which is this incredible event they hold annually in new york city. and there's all these great people at the time 100. there are scientists and artists, and there are authors as well. and this author donna tartt, who wrote this incredible book, "the goldfinch" -- i don't know if anybody's read "the goldfinch." but it's such a great book. it won the pulitzer. and she was there, and i was so excited to go over and say hello.
and as i'm walking over and thinking, this is a woman who has written the most lyric books. she has such a command of the english language. the way she uses words is -- her mastery of it is beyond belief. and so i wanted to at least seem erudite when i spoke to her. and this -- i got nervous though, and this is what i came up with. i went over to her table. i said, "hey, your book is so good. i read your book. it is so good. it is so, so good. i read it." [ laughter ] and she just was very polite. she was very sweet. and i walked away, and i realized that i had super blown it. but i do want to say that anybody who wants to read a great book, "the goldfinch" is excellent. and i don't want to, sort of, you know, be too flowery with my praise for it, but it is so good. [ laughter ] and i highly recommend it. [ cheers and applause ] we have such a great show for you tonight. lucy liu is here. [ cheers and applause ] so excited she's here. also joining us, former
congressman barney frank is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to congressman frank. and we'll have music from parquet courts. we'll be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ jeff... hey, scott! top of the mornin' to you, sir. this is no time for lollygaggin', lad. but we love lollygaggin'. we do. but it's a battlefield out there! you know the chickweed is surrounding yer sidewalk and the dandelions are stealing precious nutrients! now's the time to send in the scotts turf builder weed & feed, man! it kills weeds while it feeds and strengthens your grass. that sounds easy. thanks, scott. any time, kids. get scotts turf builder weed & feed. it's guaranteed. feed your lawn. feed it! [ jim ] mmmmm. so, hot. whoo!
♪ [ male announcer ] when you're ready to turn up your night. turn to bud light platinum, the next generation of smooth. brewed with top-shelf ingredients for a bold, slightly sweet finish. turn up your night, and make it platinum. [ male announcer ] cats will do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? oh, here, check this out. ♪ [ meows ] temptations. cats can't resist.
>> seth: welcome back to "late night" everyone. now, you guys like weird news items? because i love them. these news items roll in from all over the country. but somehow it seems like the strangest stories always come from florida. they're so crazy, i'd swear sometimes that they're made up. you'd never be able to tell the difference, right? well, tonight we're going to see if you can tell the difference in the latest edition of our "late night" game show -- >> audience: "fake or florida." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: let's bring the contestants down to the stage. come on, guys. ♪ get yourself settled behind our podiums. welcome. welcome. welcome. contestant number one, welcome. >> hello. >> seth: what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm caroline and i'm from cookeville, tennessee. >> seth: all right. welcome, caroline. give it up for caroline, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] contestant number two, what's your name? where are you from? >> hello, seth. my name is freddie. i'm from newark, new jersey. all right. freddie from newark, new jersey.
[ cheers and applause ] excited to have you here. and contestant number three, what's your name? where are you from? >> hi, i'm camille. i'm from orlando, florida. >> seth: so you are from florida. [ cheers ] all right. so you might think this gives you an unfair advantage, but we have figured out a way that you can still play. we're going to blindfold you. cassandra, can you come up and help us with that? we're not sure what difference the blindfold makes, but we're gonna put it on you anyway. and by the way, that is a lovely perfume you're wearing, cassandra. what is it? >> thanks, it's febreze! >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] let's begin. the game is simple. how it works is, i will read a news story. you tell me whether you think it's fake or whether you think it really happened in florida. if you're correct you will hear the sound of a spring breaker flashing her boobs at senor frogs. >> woo! [ laughs ] [ laughter ] >> seth: and if your answer is incorrect, you will hear the sound of a retiree sending back his entree. >> my soup is cold! >> seth: all right.
[ laughter ] and each correct answer -- this is very important -- will earn you one manatee. there we go. all right, so let's get started. contestant number one. a mother in the town of melbourne, florida gave birth to her fourth child in a walmart parking lot, while her other three children watched. fake or florida? >> i got to go with florida. >> woo! >> seth: that is correct! [ cheers and applause ] contestant number one, give yourself a manatee. put it down there in your manatee slot. there you go. all right. have you never seen manatee slots before? [ laughter ] all right, contestant number two, are you ready? >> yes, i am. >> seth: a student at florida state university was arrested for running a gambling operation that involved betting on crawdad races. fake or florida? >> i might go with florida. >> my soup is cold! >> seth: i'm sorry.
that did not happen in florida. i'm so sorry, freddie. all right. camille, are you ready? >> i'm ready. >> seth: can you see anything? >> absolutely not. >> seth: okay, great. here we go, camille. a man in tampa bay was arrested after his roommate set up a hidden camera to catch the man having sex with the roommate's dog. fake or florida? >> definitely florida. woo! [ applause ] >> seth: you are correct! i'm going to give you your manatee because you can't see. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: all right, that means it's time for our second round. [ laughter ] >> second round! >> seth: thanks cassandra. >> thanks cassandra! >> seth: okay, great. each correct answer in this round is worth two manatees. contestant number one, you have one manatee. a cooper city couple was arrested for having sex inside a mega-church that had been closed for renovations. fake or florida.
>> that's bad, but i think i'm going to go with fake. >> woo! >> seth: correct. well done, caroline! give yourself two more manatees. you are on fire. i think it helps that you're from tennessee. i'm just going to be honest. >> a little bit. >> seth: just a little bit, right. newark is so far away. he doesn't know. a teen in volusia county was arrested for calling 911 to say that his dreams were becoming reality after he smoked synthetic marijuana? freddie, is that fake or is that florida? >> i'm afraid to say, i think it's florida. >> woo! >> seth: correct! you're back in the game. give yourself a couple manatees, freddie. [ applause ] camille, how many fingers am i holding up? >> still don't know, seth. still don't know. >> seth: that's great. i'm gonna tell you, i wasn't holding any up. all right, here we go. camille, a sanibel island man who was mowing a lawn had his hand cut off when a small plane crashed a few feet away. fake or florida? >> florida? >> my soup is cold!
>> seth: oh, that was a trick question, camille. it actually did happen, but it happened in north carolina. [ laughter ] [ engine revs, crashes ] all right, the sound of a stolen chevy el camino falling into a sinkhole -- [ laughter ] -- means that this is our final round! [ cheers and applause ] >> final round! >> seth: okay, here we go. final question. oh, cassandra. cassandra, honey, you're in the way. you're in the way. you know what? just move a little to your left, cassandra. cassandra, a little to your left. [ laughter ] cassandra, if can just move a little step to your left. just a little bit to your left, cassandra. if you could just take -- cassandra, if you could just take a baby step to your left. you know what, forget it. all right, here we go. last question. >> it's febreze! [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: cassandra's from florida. [ laughter ] answers in the final round. correct answers are worth 50 manatees. so you can come back here, camille. you can come back, freddie. here we go. in front of you, you'll find a white board and a marker. i will read one more bizarre news item. you will write your answer, fake or florida, on the white board in front of you. keep that blindfold on, contestant number three. okay, here is the final question. a man who goes by the nickname fitty pimp was arrested at a palm beach fast food stand after he ordered a meal and sat down to eat with his genitals exposed? fake or florida. your time starts now. a man who goes by the nickname fitty pimp was arrested at a palm beach fast food stand after he ordered a meal and sat down to eat with his genitals exposed. fake or florida? and our time is up. let's see what you said. caroline, you said florida. you wrote a sun.
freddie, you said florida. you drew what i think is south america. [ laughter ] and camille, she said fl. we're going to accept that as florida. and you are all right! but that means that caroline's our winner with 53 manatees. [ cheers and applause ] you can take off your blindfold, camille, the winner of "fake or florida." you win a full sized florida state flag. let's bring it out. and for everyone else, you will get "weird florida facts," a book a weird news stories from florida. so you won't be caught flat footed the next time you find yourself playing -- >> audience: "fake or florida"! we will be right back with lucy liu. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nobody told us to expect it... intercourse that's painful due to menopausal changes. the problem isn't likely to go away... ...on its own. so it's time we do something about it. and there's help.
premarin vaginal cream. a prescription that does what no over-the-counter product was designed to do. it provides estrogens to help rebuild vaginal tissue and make intercourse more comfortable. premarin vaginal cream treats vaginal changes due to menopause and moderate-to-severe painful intercourse caused by these changes. don't use premarin vaginal cream if you've had unusual bleeding, breast or uterine cancer, blood clots, liver problems, stroke or heart attack, are allergic to any of its ingredients or think you're pregnant. side effects may include headache, pelvic pain, breast pain, vaginal bleeding and vaginitis. estrogen may increase your chances of getting cancer of the uterus, strokes, blood clots or dementia, so use it for the shortest time based on goals and risks. estrogen should not be used to prevent heart disease, heart attack, stroke or dementia. ask your doctor about premarin vaginal cream. and go to premarinvaginalcream.com this is worth talking about.
so safely whiten your smile with listerine whitening®. other mouthwashes just whiten teeth. but only listerine whitening® both whitens and restores enamel. new listerine whitening vibrant®. power to your mouth. new listerine whitening vibrant®. brewed for more this ispirited nights.tune. it's undistilled, yet it has a smooth clean finish. you might choose a regular beer, but then you might get a regular night. miller fortune.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. our first guest stars as dr. joan watson in the cbs hit drama, "elementary." she will also make her television directorial debut with tomorrow's episode. please welcome the beautiful and talented lucy liu. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> seth: how are you? thank you so much for coming. >> what a crowd. >> seth: it's a great crowd. it's an excellent crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, fred. how's it going? >> seth: so, congratulations on the show. you're wonderful in it. but this is so exciting. you directed this week's episode? >> yeah, it was the first time i ever directed on this sort of level on television. i mean, congratulations to you too. this is major. >> seth: thank you very much. >> i saw this is the 39th show. >> seth: yeah, it's really -- it's very exciting. >> that's kind of awesome. yeah, i'm thrilled to be here. i was like, "can i do seth?" they're like, "yeah, let's see if he has any availability." anyway, it's going to come on tomorrow night. and it was sort of just an amazing experience. you know what, the most fun i've ever had. >> seth: did anything go wrong or did it all go smoothly? >> nothing major went wrong. i mean, i think we had some weather challenges. because it's been winter here for, like, ten months straight. i'm like, what's going on? and now it's freezing and raining out again.
>> seth: yes. >> but i think it added -- we didn't have to do a wet down. you know, like, when you wet everything down to make it look kind of creepy and mysterious. that's how it works for everything. it saved us some dough. >> seth: mother earth has been wetting us down pretty good. >> i know. it's major. >> seth: now, obviously, a lot of tv directors come in, and they do one episode and they're just gone. you know, you direct an episode and go back to just -- >> i direct an episode. i'm a tyrant on set or something, and i show up the next day like, "hey, everyone!" no, it was great, because you kind of know the crew, and you know what's acceptable for hours. and you try to make it as simple as possible. so i did a lot of shot lists and kind of went in as organized as i could. >> seth: that's great. >> i think it works best that way. and then you show up the next day when you're not directing -- and after that kind of experience, you feel like you're doing nothing. you're just showing up to do your lines, you know? >> seth: it's very -- when you're not in charge of everything -- >> for you, it's a change of pace, now. you're like running a show and doing all the stuff. >> seth: yeah, it's awful. >> and that's kind of awesome. it's awful, a terrible job! >> seth: now, they also make me wet down the set. i have to do that first thing. i have to come in here with the hose. >> i'm not going to get into
detail. >> seth: so, you're relatively new to twitter, but you're going to live tweet tomorrow's episode? >> that's right. i'm going to live tweet tomorrow. i sent out, like, under 50 tweets since november. i'm pretty new at it. i'm not very good. >> seth: a lot of my aunts and uncles have asked me to sign them up for twitter. and what i like doing is, i always give them super embarrassing passwords. here's all the info and this is what you have to write in. >> every single time they do it. >> seth: yeah, exactly. it's usually stuff like "seth rules." >> i'm having someone like -- seth rules? just to remind them. i'm doing something where someone's going to come in and just help me out. because i guess when you -- i'm guessing you're supposed to respond. like, i haven't responded to anyone yet. >> seth: gotcha. >> i just did a couple of re-tweets. >> seth: i think live tweeting the episode might turn out to be harder for you than directing. >> it's going to be a mess. there's going to be, like, all these spelling errors. and like partial sentences being sent out. i don't know. >> seth: now, sherlock holmes -- there's such a renaissance for sherlock holmes, such an iconic character. there's a british show. there's a movie franchise, and then your great show. have you read the books? >> i didn't read the books until the pilot came around.
at the time i just thought, wow, it's sort of -- the story works without it being holmes and watson. and i had sort of approached rob and said -- who's the creator and executive -- i said, you know, this works without that pressure. you know, you don't need to put that on yourself, especially since the movie came out and the british series is so popular. and he was really hell-bent on it, and it really worked out well. i mean, you can see the inspiration, and you can see why there's so many different incarnations. because it's so interesting and the characters are so fascinating. >> seth: and there are so many great watsons out there. there's jude law. there's martin freeman. there's yourself. you, of course, are the standout. you the strange -- not strangest, the most unique casting choice of watsons. and it's so great. it's such a great choice. but also, there's no -- what i love about it, is there's nothing romantic between holmes and watson. which, as a female watson, would you think there would be -- they would maybe be drawn to that. >> right. i think people have sort of been wanting us to get together. but, you know, i think real fans, who were against it originally, and sort of settling into it now, are accepting the fact that we're going to be friends. they don't really want to see us get together. you know, because it just changes the whole dynamic.
and i think the chemistry can happen even from a friendship or any kind of relationship that's long term. you don't have to like sleep with someone to make it happen, you know? so we're hoping that -- i mean, who knows, season seven we have nothing left. we just start sleeping with everyone in the cast. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's like, "hey, how are you guys coming with those murders?" >> what murders? >> seth: actually, we've been boning all afternoon. [ laughter ] >> exactly. [ applause ] >> seth: you also, i feel like you've hit the jackpot. you're from new york. you get to shoot in new york. how has that been? >> i have to say it's been so amazing. the one thing, i spoke to cbs. they said, "we really want to work with you. what would you like to do?" i said, "whatever it is, i'd really want to stay in new york." i've lived here seven years before then. i bascially came back, i grew up in queens. >> they said, okay. like, three people here. that's nice. but i love being here. my family's here too. so that makes a difference. >> seth: and you also shot in london. you shot an episode in london? >> yeah, our first show the second season. >> seth: but you were in london at an intense time. >> oh, yeah, the princess was about to give birth.
>> seth: yes. >> and we were shooting at paddington station. >> seth: what's it like? >> well, there were, like, plates and you know -- there was so much paraphernalia. and everyone was so excited. they were super excited about that. >> seth: i like the idea of plates before the baby's even born. >> yeah. and they had names, like possible names. i think it's great. t-shirts, you know, little baby crowns, lollipops. you know, the whole nine yards. but they were excited about that. it's a really big thing there. >> seth: in the days before it happened, does it get more intense? is there more pressure? >> i think there was pressure. i mean, we were shooting at paddington station, and -- you know, the hospital was right near there. if the princess had gone into contractions, they were going to shut down like a three or five mile radius around there. >> seth: they had to shut down the station because she would have taken the subway. >> yeah, and i was like -- [ laughter ] yeah, exactly. [ talking over each other ] 'cause she's that down to earth. but we had no plan "b." so i was like, "where are we going to shoot?" they were like, "we have no idea. we have nothing left." oh, my god, we're going to be stuck here.
it wouldn't have been bad. >> seth: it's just like a scene starts at paddington station, then it just ends up, like, next to a tree? >> yeah, instead of that, we'll be shooting on a bench somewhere in central park instead of in london, you know? >> seth: now, yove been in show business for so long. did you have any horror stories in your early days? >> i did. i think i've had a lot of horror stories. like a lot of -- i'm sure, i don't know if you know casting horror stories, where you show up and it's just you and the casting director. i don't know if this happened to you before, but tell me that it has. it will make me feel better. i went in to do a reading, and the guy is sitting there reading a newspaper while you're doing the audition. and then he'll look over when it's his line, he'll give a really lame read, and then go back to reading the newspaper. it's like, "what's going on here? is there a see through newspaper?" this is crazy. >> seth: you should have been like "hey, is there anything in there about whether or not i go this part?" >> i know. i didn't get the part, obvously. >> seth: i had one -- i remember i would go in, in my early days at "snl," and they would compliment someone else's character on the show. like i would come in. they'd be like, "we love the falconer." i'm like, "oh, that's will forte." and they'd be like "oh." [ laughter ] >> seth: like so mad that they
somehow got the wrong person from "saturday night live." >> i know, "snl" is so intense. i did it and it was like you don't stop. you get there and it's like a week of intense comedy and writing -- i mean, it's creativity out the window, right? >> seth: it's really great. a lot of it should literally go out the window. it's lack of creativity. like, "well, that's great." >> and they throw you in front of a live audience. they throw a wig on you, and you're like, "oh, my god. i hope this works." >> seth: well, it's so lovely to have you here. thank you so much for coming. you've got to come back. it's so good to have you in new york city. lucy liu, everybody. "elementary" airs thursdays on cbs. we'll be right back with barney frank. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
i've quit for 75 days. 15 days, but not in a row. for the first time, you can use nicorette even if you slip up, so you can reach your goal. now, quit on your own terms with nicorette or nicoderm cq. this is no time for lollygaggin', lad. the chickweed and the dandelions are wreakin' mad havoc! now's the time to send in the scotts turf builder weed & feed, man! it kills weeds while it feeds and strengthens your grass. feed your lawn. feed it!
pepsi wild cherry. explosively cherry. it kills weeds while it feeds and strengthens your grass. that's why we pushed ourselves to create new and improved degree motionsense, the only antiperspirant that releases extra protection when you move. it keeps you fresher even as old spice deodorant fades. protection improved. so you can do more. a good night's sleep... and aveeno®. [ female announcer ] only aveeno® positively radiant has an active naturals® total soy formula. it helps reduce the look of brown spots in just four weeks. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results™. that being made out of delicious chocolate makes me "high risk" for insurance companies. but i still believe i deserve coverage. um...insuring a delicious piece of chocolate... i think i'd lose my job for that. ♪ ♪
why do results matter so much? it's probably because they are the measurement of everything we do. for a wireless company, results come down to coverage speed and legendary reliability. so go ahead, stream, game or video chat. that's why verizon built americas largest 4g lte network. because the only thing that really matters are the results you get. so for the best devices the best network and for best results, use verizon.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] welcome back to "late night," everyone. my next guest served as a member of congress in massachusetts for more than 30 years before retiring in 2013. he's now the subject of a new documentary, "compared to what: the improbable journey of barney frank." please welcome former congressman barney frank. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: it's so wonderful to have you here. thanks for coming. >> oh, my pleasure.
i'm a great fan. >> seth: thank you. so, you -- i love this documentary. how does it feel when, though, you're the subject of a documentary, to watch it? >> weird. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, well, first of all -- i have to be honest. you sit there and people are mostly saying nice things about you. and you say, "yeah, but you forgot about that. what about this?" i mean, but it's on the whole -- i guess i'm glad about two major aspects of it. first of all, it shows a politician in a good light. and obviously, there are politicians who do things they shouldn't do. but there's an excessive degree of cynicism about politics, which is unfortunately a self-fulfilling prophecy. because people say, "they're all bums. i'm not voting." well, the bums wish you wouldn't vote. they're fine. they're all set. i hope it gives a more positive image. in some ways, i think about it -- i don't know, criticizing on the show. i would like to see that documentary as the anti "house of cards." >> seth: right. >> because "house of cards" could not be more wrong or
misleading or distorting. the other one is -- obviously, it shows a very positive side of gay life. >> seth: yes. >> which has been a factor in my career for 40 years. so on those two scores, i was kind of happy with it. >> seth: and really, speaking of that -- and there's so many other factors it made you a nonconformist in a very conformist part of the country. like that part of your journey. i mean, the fact that you got into politics, which they talk about -- it seemed like it was stacked against you in the beginning. >> yeah, i've just written a book, so i'll give away the first page. [ laughter ] >> when i was 14, i realized i was gay. i said i was a lot like the other guys, but there were two things that i knew made me different than the other guys. first of all, i was attracted to politics. [ laughter ] second, i was attracted to the other guys. [ laughter ] now that wasn't going to work well because to be in politics you had to be popular. to be a homosexual was not to be very popular. well, if this was fiction --
spoiler alert -- by the time i retire, there was still a disparity between the popularity of being gay and the popularity of being a politician. but it had flipped. and my marriage polled better than my service as a committee chairman. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that is how you came fully through. >> i do want to make clear -- jim is watching, and i -- i did not poll for marriage. >> seth: okay, good. >> somebody else polled me and told me. >> seth: the heart -- your heart polled. and there's great footage in this documentary you and nancy pelosi dancing at your wedding. >> yeah. nancy and i are about the same age. although, she would rather i not say that. but it's already been published, so she can't get away from it. and we would jitterbug, because we both went to high school in the '50s. and that's what you did. >> seth: right. >> there are fewer and fewer people who are still physically capable of doing that, so we would jitterbug. >> seth: there were younger people at your wedding. they didn't seem like they were watching that going, "we have to start jitterbugging."
[ laughter ] >> no, no. it was, "isn't that embarrassing?" >> seth: i got married last summer. and there's a moment in the documentary that hit home for me, where talking to the wedding planner both about the songs you want at the wedding, but more importantly the songs you absolutely did not want to hear under any circumstances. and that was so important to me. what were the ones you didn't want to hear? >> well, that was mainly jim's category. he's the more culturally attuned of us. so, i checked with him. it was line dances and "the macarena." [ laughter ] we were absolutely -- we were not going to do any line dances. >> seth: so that's good. >> since i knew there would be people there -- while we try to keep the media out, we knew there were going to be people there -- except for the documentary people -- with their cell phones and cameras. i didn't want to -- you're going to be in politics and you're do things. inevitably you're going to look silly sometimes. i mean there are just -- you can't always avoid it. but i try to minimize the occasions in which i look ridiculous. and not being line dance tv was one of them. >> seth: right. now, speaking about conformity, a lot of politicians --
i feel like their appearance, they dress very nattily. you have always had a reputation of sort of being a little more untucked than most politicians. in fact, you ran a campaign where you sort of very proudly said "neatness isn't everything." so you sort of embraced this about yourself. >> well, that's one of the most important things about politics. you can not just create your own image out of old cloth, unless you're running for the very first time and you've been off in a cave somewhere. and you have to accept certain realities. look, it started out when i was in elementary school. and i would write an essay. you know what? part of the problem is i'm left handed, and i'm 74 years old. when i was a kid, we wrote with real ink. and if you're left handed and you writing with ink, your hand is going across the page right after you have written it. and unless you were very skillful, you get ink on your hand. you smear the page. so, i would hand in an essay or something and the teacher would say, "well, you got the answers right, but it was very sloppy." and i would say, "well, this isn't a neatness class.
this is a english class or history class." and then, it turned out it wasn't just my handwriting. i have -- and i wish it weren't the case. i don't cultivate it. but i have been in a kind of lifelong war with inanimate objects. [ laughter ] >> i break things. i -- they don't work for me. they look sloppy. and i just realized i wasn't going to be able -- this is a common thing. if you're not going to be good at something, the next best thing is to denigrate the value of it. [ laughter ] so that's what i did. even that was a political compromise. i have an older sister, ann lewis, a brilliant political strategist. very close to hillary clinton. she was president clinton's press secretary. and i showed her my poster. it originally said, that poster, "neatness doesn't count." which is what i used to say to the teachers. well, at the time she had three teenaged daughters. and she said, "no, if you go out there and say, neatness doesn't count, you're going to lose every mother of every teenager in america or at least in your district." so that was a compromise,
"neatness isn't everything." i conceded it a little. >> seth: now, you were involved -- you were on the financial services committee. you were the chair of that. so, you were in the center of things in 2008 with the financial collapse, and just -- i want to know what you think about -- is that something that could happen again? is that something we should still be worried about? >> we made it much less likely, but i really am glad you mentioned that because there's one point about it i want to make. and, you know, i talk about politics. people say, "oh, how come the parties can't get together." but, it wasn't always that way. in 2008, in september, six weeks before the presidential election -- george bush, the republican president, sent his top appointees, the secretary of the treasury and federal reserve, to the congress. we were in the majority then. so, it was a democratic congress that responded to the request of the bush administration to try to avoid the disaster. and knowing what we were doing, we passed the program called the tarp. the way to try, we thought, to stave off collapse -- that i believe history will mark as the single, most successful,
unpopular thing the federal government ever did. and it was democrats doing it for bush. what we did do, i think, was to put rules in place that will make it very, very unlikely that we'll have a crash for the same reason. but the financial system innovates. and the mistake we made was this -- during the '90s and into the early part of the 2000s, the financial system was coming up with new things. and the rules didn't catch up. there were people in power who said, "oh, we shouldn't regulate." and the financial system went ahead without rules. we waited too long. there was a crash. we put in the new rules. i believe the new rules will keep the same causes from occurring, but it is going to be important to be vigilant and be quicker to put in new rules when there are innovations, which will come. >> seth: have you been disappointed that there haven't been more prosecutions and convictions of those that were in banking at the time? >> yes. and i'm particularly puzzled. there's an article today in the paper saying, well, the thing about prosecuting the banks.
and i understand, there is a problem if you prosecute the bank. the bank goes under and a lot of people get hurt. i don't understand why they haven't the prosecuted individuals. i mean, a bank can't do anything. individuals in the bank do the things. i know the supreme court decided that corporations were people, which was bizarre enough, i thought. but they aren't the only people. there are some real people alongside them. so, yeah, i still do not understand why there haven't been more prosecutions of some of the -- let me put it this way. if a bank is guilty of criminal activity, then it has to mean that some people were guilty of it. the banks aren't run by the ghosts you were talking about earlier. [ laughter ] they're run by dudes. >> seth: the dudes, right. [ applause ] thank you so much for being here. it's been so great to talk to you. former congressman barney frank, everyone! such a delight. >> thank you. >> seth: we'll be right back with music from parquet courts. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] just can't seem to escape another sneeze attack?
[whispering] i'm the breakfast fairy. what are you doing? leaving you a few bucks. that's all you need for my - sourdough breakfast melts, with your choice of ham, egg and cheese, or bacon egg and cheese, both on toasted sourdough. right now they're 2 for just $4.00. there's no such thing as the breakfast fairy. woah, woah - you're right. uh, i'm jack. i just put these wings on and broke in through your window to leave some money under your pillow ohh, good. cuz for a minute there this wasn't making any sense. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: my next guests are an american punk band from brooklyn, here to premiere their new song "black and white." please welcome parquet courts. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ nothing makes my heart so wild as being in possession of a potent night ♪ ♪ racing down the stairs in a nude dissension shedding and discarding my hide ♪ ♪ but the bold strokes crack so quickly and it's often that i wonder why ♪ ♪ dripping at the slow-motion rate of surrender
hanging to my bones as they dry ♪ ♪ how can i want something more than a new hell in which to fry ♪ ♪ when i see in only black and white ♪ ♪ ♪ there's a sinful sort of side of being so contained ♪ ♪ a bit like being lost stumbling through the background like a small town loner ♪ ♪ quietly a'whisperin' my thoughts into my cupped hands folded and monk-like ♪ ♪ at least that's what i've always said how does writing letters ♪ ♪ from the lonely margins feel when there's no hair on my head ♪ ♪ is the solitude i seek a trap where i've been blindly led ♪ ♪ tell me where then do i go instead ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ when atonement comes in distant waves ♪ ♪ i might wait until the next to break choking through forgiveness at a sunfly prompter ♪ ♪ staring through the back of my face it's a vulgar hidden part of being ♪ ♪ tethered to the world right now spending all my dollars to remain a member ♪ ♪ nothing in my eyes but a scowl do i bother to define myself beyond what they allow ♪ ♪ have i already forgotten how ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey what's happening? you're watching "last call" from dimples right here in burbank. i'm your host carson daly, thanks for being here. tonight, the colourist performs from the troubadour and we spotlight a new book called "the humor code." but first it's the man behind one of this summer's biggest blockbusters. in his carerr, marc webb has direct music videos for green day, weezer, maroon 5 and miley cyrus among others. but it was his workhelming "500 days of summer" that really put him on the hollywood map. his lastest gig of course is "the amazing spiderman 2" and it's the focus of tonight's first spotlight. from acabar in hollywood, take a look. ♪