tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 17, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
author jonah keri. featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening everybody! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? is everybody good? [ cheers ] that's great because today is earth day. [ cheers ] that's right. today is earth day. at least according to the guy who saw me throw a banana peel in the blue trash can. [ laughter ] he made sure i knew it was earth day. i guess this is no surprise. governor chris christie criticized marijuana legalization saying it's just not the quality of life we want to have here in new jersey. because the last thing you'd
ever want is people walking around new jersey asking, "what is that smell?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] anything you can do to avoid that happening would be great. "the new york times" is reporting that america's middle class is no longer the world's wealthiest middle class. which must be very upsetting to the 12 remaining members of the middle class. [ laughter ] shocking news for them. [ scattered applause ] but more speculation about 2016. the "christian science monitor" is claiming hillary clinton will be a tad less interested in running for president now that she's about to be a grandmother. and if you put a grain of sand in your pocket, there is a tad less sand on the beach. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so that's the parallel there. this is pretty cool. it's quite an accomplishment. after 16 years a new jersey man
has finished constructing the world's largest model railway with over nine miles of track. so all aboard for lonely town! [ laughter ] [ applause ] whoo! whoo. this is just crazy. dutch designers have created a baby onesie that comes with built-in wifi. [ laughter ] yeah. which is great because that way your child can search the web for better parents. [ laughter ] just do it on their own. several former aol users reported this week that hackers are using their closed accounts to send out spam. while current, this is different, current aol users reported that there are some kids on their lawn and they do not like the looks of them. [ laughter ]
there's four of them and they look like trouble. i don't care that this is the fire department. [ light laughter ] this is amazing. scientists made a huge breakthrough on monday when they cured liver disease in a moose -- in a moose by altering part of its genetic code. but sadly, not long after the procedure, the moose went right back to drinking again. [ laughter ] i'm assuming molson. not that i know moose. [ applause ] i'm assuming. colorado police are offering a $3,500 reward to anyone who has information concerning eight poison meatballs that were found in a public park in boulder. authorities say that if you ate a meatball you found at that park, you should seek help immediately.
[ laughter ] and if you ate a meatball you found at any other park -- [ light laughter ] -- you should also seek some kind of help. if you eat a meatball you found at a park, you've sort of crossed a threshold into not quite being a human being. [ laughter ] such a fun day at the park. dude! [ laughter ] park meatballs! [ applause ] at&t has announced a plan that would offer internet speeds 100 times faster than the rest of the nation. tell me more, said porn addicts. [ laughter ] or that maybe close to, tell me more. [ laughter ] i don't think they would be so dashing. [ light laughter ] hello, i'm a porn addict.
[ laughter ] may i buy you a drink? [ light laughter ] later we'll go back to my place. you can go to the bedroom. i'll be in the other room. watching porn. [ laughter ] this is kind of cute. purina is opening a cat cafe where new yorkers can bring their cats and have coffee with them. [ light laughter ] it's a great place to meet people who don't want to meet people. [ laughter ] that's one. purina is opening a cat cafe where new yorkers can bring their cats and have coffee with them. so if you think your cat wants to leave the house and have coffee with you, you don't own a cat. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's two. and finally, purina is opening a cat cafe where new yorkers can bring their cats and have coffee with them because if there's one thing cats love, it's being in a new space with hundreds of other
cats. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are we doing, 8g band? everybody good over there? welcome back, eleanor. thanks for joining us. eleanor is with us because fred is not with us this week. i'm not quite sure what he's doing. he sent me a very sparsely worded e-mail yesterday saying -- he's on a path to enlightenment. [ light laughter ] i got a voicemail from him. it was very crackly. i think he is somewhere with terrible service but he says he's transitioning from fred to something better. so i don't know. it was like i said, it was terrible service. he's probably in the mountains or the desert, but i think i heard him say he can see colors. [ laughter ] anyway -- when he gets back, i can't wait to talk to him about it. yesterday on the show we had billy eichner, the very funny billy eichner.
it was such a delight to have him and i gave him one of the pencils from my pencil stack here. and somebody, i gave him the st. louis cardinals -- these are football pencils. these football pencils i have and i gave him a st. louis cardinals football pencil. and a few people on twitter were like, hey, man, hate to rain on your parade. there is no st. louis cardinal football team. there is a st. louis cardinals baseball team and there's an arizona cardinals football team but there's not st. louis cardinals. well guess what? my pencils are from 1982 when there was a st. louis cardinals football team. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so now who's the super cool dude -- [ laughter ] -- that collects pencil from the '80s. checkmate. [ laughter ] we've got a great show for you tonight. sofia vergara is here. [ cheers and applause ] very exciting. from "game of thrones" actress natalie dormer is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
also, sports writer and "new york times" best-selling author jonah keri. [ cheers and applause ] a very fun show. we'll talk some baseball with jonah. now, today as i mentioned is earth day. we've had a lot of crazy winter. a lot of intense weather lately, and i don't know about you, but it feels to me like earth is becoming distant. she's distance and she's sending us signals that she doesn't want us anymore. so if you don't mind, i'd like to take some time to say something to earth. [ light laughter ] ♪ earth, baby -- look, we're sorry. we know things haven't been that great between us for the last 20 to 30 years. that's probably why you've been so hot and cold lately. [ light laughter ] we've been selfish. we've taken your natural resources for granted. we still use styrofoam even though we know it drives you crazy.
and yeah, in the last few years, you've caught us fracking around. [ laughter ] and i'll be the first to admit it, that's fracked up. [ laughter ] and we're really fracking sorry. but look, we're young and immature. you knew that when we got into this thing. we're 200,000 years old. you're 4.5 billion years old. when you're 4.6 billion years old, we'll be -- it doesn't matter! [ laughter ] age doesn't matter. i mean, where did we go wrong, earth? the industrial revolution? oil spills? are you still mad about that little fling we had with the moon in the 1960s? that stuff's over! [ laughter ] except for the tides, the moon means nothing to us. earth, i know we're not perfect. we're not even your best looking
species but, hell, we can't all be dolphins. [ laughter ] the bottom line is we need you, earth. we would die without you. literally. we'd just be floating away like clooney in "gravity." [ laughter ] i'm sorry, like clooney in "gravity" spoiler alert. [ laughter ] look at you. you're amazing. nothing turns us on more than these beautiful blue oceans. [ laughter ] your ample snow capped alps, which aren't pictured. [ laughter ] and those caves, oh those caves. i just want to spelunk into over and over again. [ laughter ] so earth, here i am, just a man representing mankind, standing in front of a screen with a picture of you asking you to forgive us. why don't you just show me that smile of yours?
come on. i know it's there. there it is. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you stop that. because when you do it, you look crazy. and also a bunch of people in argentina just fell into a sinkhole. [ laughter ] so remember, today is earth day but tonight, tonight is earth night. so i'll see you when i get home. [ laughter ] and on the drive home and right now. i'm standing on you. we love you, earth. give it up for earth! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] people all over the world know us, but they don't yet know we're a family. we're right where you need us. at the next job, next adventure or at the next exit helping you explore super destinations
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody! as many of you know, the internet exists and has for some time. google is a popular website and whenever you google something, there are millions of results. and usually you only look at the first page or two, but i started to wonder about those last few pages. that is until tonight with when we take you into the bowels of the internet with a new segment we're calling, "deep google." [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: now, as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes i google myself. i think we all do it. um, this is my first page of results. pretty standard stuff. the wikipedia page, an article about the show, imdb. got it. usually i start feeling guilty at this point and close the browser. but if you look at the bottom of the page at all those o's in google. that means we can go deeper. let's check out what's on page seven. oh, alumni profile of our own seth meyers. that's sweet. my high school wrote an article on me. let's open it up and look at it. seth meyers ran for class president, lost. was considered lame nerd by most, all. [ laughter ] is this the same seth meyers who ate lunch with the chorus teacher every day or the seth meyers who said he was bringing cindy crawford to prom but just brought his mom in a brown wig? the answer is both. [ laughter ] there's some awards i won. second best looking meyers brother, there were two of us. least dressed and least likely to host a late night talk show. shows what they know, because i do host a late night talk show.
not only that, it is on very, very late. [ laughter ] let's see what happens is we venture a little bit deeper into deep google. [ thunder clap ] here we go, page 34. rank your favorite "new years eve" cast members. oh, that's great. i don't know if many of you know this, but i had small role in the film "new years eve." you can catch it every year on deep cable. [ laughter ] let's take a look. i should be fairly high up there. i did have the titular line in the film which went -- and i hope i can summon the same gravitas. here goes. "but dude! [ laughter ] it's new years eve!" all right. there you go. our guest tonight sofia vergara is in the film and she's first, not surprising. but weird that i'm be even on the first page. let's scroll down. all right, scrolling down. come on. key grip? someone liked the key grip more than the actor with the titular line? keep scrolling. keep scrolling.
the ball? i finished behind the new year's eve ball. [ laughter ] keep scrolling, keep scrolling, oh, there i am! and at least i beat gary, that drunk extra that made everyone uncomfortable. sorry, gary. all right, i should walk away now that i got my win. who i am a kidding? i'm in its thralls. let's go deeper, deeper into the murky depth of deep google. [ laughter ] oh, no! seth meyers' shocking meltdown. i thought i had this scrubbed from the internet. oh well, we're here now. we might as well just play it. >> seth: what are we rehearsing now? okay. great. excuse me. why is the pittsburgh steelers pencil upside down? when the pittsburgh steelers pencil is upside down, everything is ruined. they're lucky pencils. and they're not lucky when one of them is upside down. i don't know how many times i have to tell you guys this. the new york jets can't be next to the minnesota vikings, because they have to be separated by conference. they're not lucky if they're not
separated by conference. yeah, no, i know i'm spinning out! i am aware that i am spinning out, guys. i don't want to spin out but i'm spinning out. i spent $32,000 on these pencils on ebay. [ laughter ] i don't want to rehearse anymore. i am sorry you all had to see that. i was right though. bad luck. i feel like our journey should end here, but i cannot resist the siren's call. on to page 105 of deep google. let's see what we have here. seth adam meyers, an obituary? look at that, that's from 2008. seth meyers, 34, cast member of "saturday night live" died in a massive explosion at the update desk last night. am i dead? eli, am i dead? >> yes, seth, of course you're dead. this is purgatory. [ laughter ] >> seth: wait. that's insane. if i'm dead, are you dead?
are we all dead? >> no, no, we're fine but you're dead. you're very dead. >> seth: ah well, i guess i'm okay with that. so buckle up, everyone, because we're about to go so deep into google we might never return. i am very afraid. let's go even deeper to the last page. all right. last page of -- of deep google. [ thunder claps ] there it is. caterpillars that look like seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i find that incredibly hard to believe that there is even one caterpillar that looks like me let alone multiple. let's open that page. i have to know. i just have to. all right. [ laughter ] i stand corrected. those caterpillars look like me. a pretty awesome page. i don't know why that's last. i'm going on bookmark that for later. we'll be right back with sofia vergara! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ wondering what that is? that, my friends, is everything.
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the hit show, "modern family." she can also be seen in the upcoming film, "chef," beginning may 9th. please welcome the lovely sofia vergara. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi there! >> how are you? nice to see you again. >> seth: nice to see you again too. we met -- >> how have you been? >> seth: i've been really good. last time i saw you was here in this building when you hosted "snl." >> oh my gosh, that was crazy. >> seth: that was crazy. and then we were in the film "new years eve" together. no, never saw each other. >> i didn't see you. >> seth: it was good to see you. we have such chemistry and then just nothing. >> i know. i should have played the pregnant woman. >> seth: yeah. i could have been -- who were your scenes with? >> all right, don't be jealous. with bon jovi. >> seth: oh, wow. were you a bon jovi fan? was that something -- >> yes. since i was a little girl. you know, like, when i told my cousins and my friends in colombia that i was going to be in a movie with him -- not only a movie, but scenes
with him, they almost killed me. [ laughter ] >> they were so like crazy. they were telling me, "you have to send pictures." i mean it was amazing. >> seth: that's great. well -- >> that was like, for them, the highlight of my career. [ laughter ] >> seth: bon jovi. you reached the top of bon jovi mountain. >> yes. >> seth: congratulations. "modern family" still a huge hit. [ cheers and applause ] and airing this week, you're in australia. so you went -- you went to australia and shot an episode. >> we went all the way to australia. it was an amazing trip. the whole family went. the whole crew went. >> seth: do people in australia, are they huge fans of the show? >> insane. >> seth: yeah. >> it's like -- it was like we were like rock stars. >> seth: you're the bon jovi of australia. [ laughter ] >> wherever we walked, i mean, restaurants -- it was really cool. >> seth: how is that flight? is it as bad as everybody says? >> it's awful. it was, um -- well, the flight is not as awful as how you feel when you're there because of the time difference. >> seth: yeah.
>> and you know, i am not a spring chicken anymore. >> seth: did it go to your head? >> it makes me feel like i'm like hung over for a whole week. >> seth: yeah, well i'm sorry to hear that. now you -- this seems to me, this would induce hung over feeling for me. but you just had your whole to family visit you here in the city. is that right? >> yes. >> seth: and how -- when your whole family -- >> not my whole family. if it was my whole family, it would be like thousands of them. [ laughter ] >> seth: are you a clone? >> some of my family. >> seth: you do a lot of commercials. you've actually used your family in commercials a few times. what is it like having your family on set? >> i mean, it's amazing. because, you know what? i love hanging out with them and i had the opportunity to do this commercial for head and shoulders and they wanted me to find something that it was really, like, real. and when i started telling my family that i was -- you know, because i chat with them all the time. we're very connected. and i said i'm in negotiations. i think i'm going to do this.
and they're all like, we should be in -- head and shoulders is very big in colombia. we should all be in the commercial. [ laughter ] >> and then -- >> seth: wait, wait. i know head and shoulders is big in colombia. i wasn't born yesterday! [ laughter and applause ] >> you never know. >> seth: you never know. no one turned into a diva? >> my mother. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. she's like, the first time like we did something. she was already asking afterwards, i think the next thing i need like a little necklace or like some -- she was already looking for beauty -- how do you say procedures to look better. >> seth: it happens. it's a slippery slope. once do you that first head and shoulders commercial. especially in colombia, where it's the national shampoo. [ laughter ] >> like, you have never used it. >> seth: are you saying that to me? i'm in a very less popular commercial where i say "i'm seth meyers and i've never used it."
so if you want hair that doesn't look like this. >> it smells delicious. >> seth: it does smell delicious. >> apple. >> seth: is it apple? >> apple. >> seth: it come in flavors now? >> yeah. not flavors, smells. >> seth: you said -- you said delicious. that implies flavor. >> that's my perfume. >> seth: oh, is it really? is it your personal perfume? >> sofia. >> seth: do you have your own perfume line? >> it's coming out in may. >> seth: oh my goodness. >> delicious. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's great. >> i can give you other things to smell too. >> seth: no, no, that's good. two smells. that's the limit of every guest on this show. two smells. you get two. you had hair, wrist, and now you're done. >> that's my perfume. i launch my perfume tomorrow night, like at midnight, on hsn so i'm very excited. this was the break that i wanted to do this in a long time. >> seth: got you. >> and we worked for like a year finding like the perfect scent. and i think everybody is going to love it. >> seth: okay, you have -- you endorse a lot of projects --
products, i should say. and you're in a lot of projects. and forbes has listed you as the highest paid television actress two years in a row. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> don't believe everything you read. >> seth: you can't believe everything you read, but you can believe that i have an investment opportunity for you that is outstanding. [ laughter ] >> what is it? >> seth: it is -- we're going to bring selsun blue to colombia. [ laughter ] >> we already have head and shoulders. >> seth: i know. i heard. do you have any indulgences yourself? anything -- >> yeah. like every woman, i like to spend things like money on shoes and bags. i like luxury. >> seth: okay. >> you know, i think i am not, i don't apologize for like -- you know, i work to be able to give my family and me the things that i like. like go to restaurants and have parties, jewelry, you know. the nice things. >> seth: that's good. well i'm glad. you deserve it. you absolutely deserve it. >> i'm not getting buried with all my american dollars. >> seth: don't say it like that. when you say "american dollars" you make it seem like they're not worth anything. [ laughter ] >> no!
i don't want to be buried with my american dollars. i want to enjoy them. >> seth: now, you're in a new film -- you're a mother as well and you're in a new film where you play a mother called "chef." >> yes. "chef." very excited. because it's, you know, with jon favreau, robert downey jr., the gorgeous scarlett johansson. i mean, it was a fun movie for me to film. it was last summer and it's coming out now. you can't go hungry to the movie because you'll be in a bad mood after the movie. >> seth: because the food looks so good in the movie, is that what you're saying? >> i mean, i saw it and i was coming from working and then i, i left the screening and i'm like "i need food." >> seth: well, we have a clip. so here's a clip from the new film "chef." >> hey, mom, where are you? >> i'm in austin. >> are you okay? >> i'm great. >> how's your daddy? >> here talk to him? >> hi! >> hi.
do you want me to come pick him up? >> no, you're a thousand miles away. >> it's okay. i can go, get on a plane and pick him up. >> now, it's fine. >> i want him to come home. i love him. >> he's fine. he's got a couple of burns and two stitches from a paring knife. >> please, i'm serious. let me go and pick him up. >> you know your son's a cook now? >> i'm a line cook. >> he's a line cook. >> be careful! >> i'll have him home in time for school. >> it looks here like you guys are having so much fun. >> all right, give me one second. did you know your son can work the grill? >> i had beer! >> what he say? >> he said he misses you. >> tell him i love him. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: looks great. >> john leguizamo. >> seth: oh, john leguizamo. he's great. >> he's in the movie, too. he's colombian, too. he was very -- i always wanted to work with john leguizamo and it was a dream come true to be working with him. >> seth: he's great. he's been on the show. he's one of the funniest people on earth. well, thank you so much. >> no, thank you. >> seth: sofia vergara, everybody! "modern family" airs wednesday nights at 9:00 on abc. and check out "chef" opening limited release may 9th. we'll be right back with natalie dormer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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animals and was poisoned at our wedding feast. i must be cursed. >> nonsense. your circumstances improved remarkably. you may not have enjoyed watching him die but you enjoyed it more than you would have enjoyed being married to him. i can promise you that. >> but i would have been the queen. >> please welcome natalie dormer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: so, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: i want to start right off by saying by saying congratulations. you just ran the london marathon. >> i did. >> seth: that's amazing. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up. that's so great. first marathon? >> first marathon. >> seth: how was the experience? >> absolutely incredible. i enjoyed it so much. i may have gotten the bug. i'm thinking about the next one. >> seth: yeah. >> but you've run a couple, haven't you? >> seth: i've run two marathons. i also thought -- but it's been a while. 2007 was my last one.
>> okay. >> seth: and now did you -- what made you want to run in the first place? >> well, i wanted to run for this particular children's charity. one of the bigger children's charities in the u.k., called barnardo's. but it was something i always kind of wanted to do. and i was sort of egged on. i was here in new york shooting "elementary" with johnny lee miller. and he does a lot of marathon running and ultra-marathon running and he was kind of like, just do it. just do it. so i did. and i made the mistake, or had the advantage of telling everyone that i was going to run it in under four hours. >> seth: see, once you do that you really -- >> i made that promise in october. and then -- >> seth: but you did it, right? >> i did it. >> seth: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> i did it in 3:50. >> seth: 3:50. that's excellent. >> thank you. >> seth: that is great. >> what was your time in. >> seth: um, i beat you one time and you beat me the other time. i did 3:37 when i was a younger man. >> that's impressive. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's really good. >> seth: that was my good one. that was my good one. and the other one, 10 1/2 hours. [ laughter ] so "game of thrones."
i'm a huge fan. it has been such a great season so far. the purple wedding. >> yeah. >> seth: such a great scene. what was it like to shoot a scene like that where you had this poisoning and all these moving parts and all the cast, it seems like was there. >> it is cut together so well. the amazing director we have, alex graves. and a fabulous editor as well. because it's kind of like a whodunnit. you know, you see all the characters moving around and you're following the goblet or the pie. where is it happening? it was really fun to shoot. and we all got to be together. we never get to all be together, because there are so many storylines and, you know, tangents. so, to all be sitting together for a week, we had a the love fun. a lot of scrabble was played on ipads. >> seth: that's great. that's what we want to hear the inside story of "game of thrones" is. what's it like? are there dragons? are there actual dragons? no, but there's scrabble. >> scrabble. >> seth: and we play it on our ipads. [ laughter ] >> all of us girls are sitting there. 'cause it's so hot in dubrovnik in croatia in the summer. we're all sitting with our skirts up around our necks playing scrabble. it's very glamorous.
>> seth: so, obviously from the clip, not a great time for margaery and the gentleman. she is having a tough time. >> yeah. >> seth: locking down her king at this point. >> poor marge. >> seth: yeah, she is the carrie bradshaw of westeros. >> things happen in threes in life, right? so it is very disconcerting. >> seth: have you read the books? >> uh-unh. >> seth: that's fine. >> i hear you're a bit of a connoisseur. >> seth: i've read the books, yes. >> so tell me about margaery. tell me about -- >> seth: i will say, the books have a lot of character that's have point of view -- you know, it's told from their point of view. margaery isn't one of those characters, so you know less about her. so it's been really fun -- i think the show has made margaery much bigger. >> do you approve? >> seth: i do approve. yeah. wait, are people not getting my complaint e-mails? [ laughter ] i'm writing to the gameoftthrones.com. >> and nobody has responded? >> seth: nobody's responded. >> oh dear. >> seth but i think you're great on it. >> thank you. i mean, david and dan were quite honest with me. they were kind of the creators of the show. they were kind of like "we weren't quite sure what to do with margaery."
because she is a bit like that in the book. it is very bold and testament to the show the way they, you know -- they take certain characters and they flesh them out. to hopefully heighten the story line. >> seth: yeah. it's great. i think you're doing a great job, such a great character. you're being -- way more layers to it. and now you're going from one super fan -- >> franchise. >> seth: franchise. to another which is "the hunger games." and how is that? that's why your head is shaved. we buried the lead. >> do you want to touch it? >> seth: yes, i do, actually. i guess we probably should have opened for this. 'cause everybody is like, "now what is going on with her hair?" [ laughter ] >> ladies, this is making a comeback. get down to your hair dressers now. >> seth: did you like -- did you run your marathon like that? >> it was so much easier for the training. because really sweaty, you know. >> seth: yeah. >> so much easier just to wash the hair. half the time. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i'm probably lighter as well. >> seth: i'm assuming one kind of turn was a lot easier and the other -- a huge drag. >> no, but you know, it was good
because with "hunger games", there is so much running around. it's such a physical shoot. so, and i'm carrying a gun and i'm in big heavy army boots. about as far from margaery as you can get. >> seth: right, no corset. >> which is great. no corset. so, because it was quite physical in "hunger games," it's good. formal training and the training for the marathon helped with keeping up with the likes of liam hemsworth. you know, big guys holding the gun with their little finger. i'm like -- [ hyperventilating ] i got fit. >> seth: that's great. and i want to make sure you know this. i have not read those books. >> oh good, i'm ahead of you. >> seth: you know a little bit more and i know a little bit more. and hopefully afterwards we can tell each other what happens to all the characters. >> okay. we can have a meeting. >> seth: absolutely. we can jog together. >> seth: we could, that'd be great. i mean, you know, you'll be a little ahead of me. you can yell back up. and then in the fourth book --
>> and then get attacked by fans, 'cause no one wants to know what happens. >> seth: that's true. people are -- we're very anti-spoiler culture, right now. like feel weird even talking about the purple wedding with you. 'cause i know people are gonna be like "hey, man, i'm trying to watch that." >> people got to catch up. >> seth: people gotta catch up. things are on a certain time and you have to watch them if you want to be part of a civil society. [ laughter ] >> wow! >> seth: natalie dormer, everybody. "game of thrones" airs sunday night at 9:00 on hbo. so watch it. we'll be right back with author jonah keri. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ for rejuvenating your spirit. you owe me this cause i clean your tushy. but i'll settle for a toddler yogurt facial any day. all done, mommy. hey, love that yogurt. it's good stuff. you uh, you got a little something... hmm, it happens. yogurt is number 14 of my 20. the new amex everyday credit card with no annual fee. still good. make 20 or more purchases in a monthly billing period, and earn 20% more rewards. it's membership that rewards you for the things you already buy, everyday. what's your 20? it's a cheez-it, but it's light and crispy like a chip,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. my next guest is a new york times best-selling author and sports writer for the website grantland. his new book "up, up and away" tells the story of the ill-fated montreal expos. please welcome jonah keri. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> i'm glad to be here. >> seth: i love reading your writing about baseball and grantland, and i was so excited to see you wrote this book. and i loved it. i love reading about the montreal expos. but i have to ask, montreal is such a hockey town. you grew up in montreal. >> yes. >> seth: how did you choose baseball instead of hockey?
>> i mean, the canadiens have lots of fans. the expos had me and my five friends. so we had to make up the gap. we couldn't do anything about it. and you know it was just this kind of, this summer sport. it's a party city and people are outside in the summer. much of the stadium is inside. >> seth: yeah. >> but you know we did the best that we could. and you know they needed us. they really needed us. >> seth: that's great. i like that. did you ever even try to be a hockey fan? >> i did actually. we had a -- my family was just a normal middle class family but we were friends with the molsons. the molsons as in the beer barons and they owned the team and so forth. the first time i got tickets to habs a game where i could go by myself as opposed to with a family member. i was 13 or 14, get the ticket and i don't know where i'm sitting. molson's ticket, okay. so i walk down and i see the usher and the usher looks goes -- [ speaking french ] he's talking to me in french. he's trying to be very abrasive or whatever. and i say, "i got this, bitch." and he walked me down. [ laughter ] he takes me to the first row right behind the net. i'm like, yeah, yeah, now what's up, now what's going on? [ laughter ] >> seth: okay that is -- you know we've only been on the show for eight weeks. that's the most canadian story -- [ laughter ]
-- we've ever had on the show. that the molsons got you habs tickets. [ applause ] and there was a rude french usher, french canadian usher. so you were a stats nerd. and you sort of write about the analytics of baseball. did you know you were a stats nerd at an early age? >> my dad bought me a little professor calculator when i was 4 maybe and i read my first bill james book when i was, i would say 8. >> seth: yeah. >> so i think that would qualify as probably precocious and yes, i had that in me all along. >> seth: i was drawn to baseball i think at an early age because i liked the numbers as well and there's still like certain like -- i just know -- i know like numbers because of batting averages. and you, you were sort of drawn to this and yet, you know, this book, what i love reading about it, it's very emotional. it is not really about the analytics. and i remember as a kid being a red sox fan, dan shaughnessy wrote this book, "the curse of the bambino." and i used to read it and be like, "oh, we're cursed. it'll never happen." but we had the hope of the fact that our team would play the next year. the saddest thing about this book is there are no expos anymore. it must be so hard to have been -- like how do you maintain
your fandom for baseball with the fact that your team is just not a baseball team? >> you're trying to make me cry on television. [ laughter ] i don't want to do that. you know, it is just one of those things where you just try to push through it. actually the time that i nearly gave up on the sport was not when they left. it was 1994. best team in baseball, they had this strike. it wipes out the season. they had a chance to maybe go to the world series. i was dating this girl at the time. and for my 20th birthday, which was six days after the end of the season she buys me a felipe alou rookie card. felipe alou is the manager of the team. this is a vintage card from the '50s. she said you can't give up on baseball. you can't give up on your dream. it's something that you love. you love the expos. and i said all right. i'm going to stick it out. and so everything that's happened since, becoming a baseball writer, staying with the sport, all that stuff is because of that moment, in a sense, and that girl and i have now been married for 16 years. >> seth: that's great. [ cheers and applause ] a perfect story. i was in montreal. it's an incredibly colorful city and you do such a great job of bringing out the colorful characters that played for the expos over the year.
pedro martinez, vladimir guerrero, two that i would say you seem to have a special place in your heart for them. >> oh, absolutely. vladimir guerrero, i interviewed a bunch of people about vlad. he's this legend. he is like the bill brasky character in "snl." can you believe what vladimir guerrero did? i interviewed manny haska who worked with me on "baseball tonight" on espn and he said vladimir guerrero before every game would drink 10,000 cans of beer and eat a bag of rice. [ laughter ] and pedro martinez, a hero from the start. his first or second start with the expos, he gets traded to the dodgers. sorry, dodgers fans, about that trade. we kind of ripped you off. >> seth: that's right. >> anyway, so they get pedro martinez and he's pitching and he's throwing a perfect game through seven innings. oh this guy, who's this guy? this 145-pound jheri curl mullet pitcher. we love this guy. and this guy reggie sanders comes up from the cincinnati reds and pedro martinez throws 0-2 pitch. throws the pitch and hits reggie sanders. well it is not intentional. he's got a perfect game going. reggie sanders charges him out. i would just like to say to you
reggie sanders i am not happy with you. [ light laughter ] i do not like reggie. i still hold a grudge 20 years later for charging my boy pedro. not happy about that. >> seth: another great thing about this book is you know, obviously montreal, french speaking. when the team first comes to montreal, the french announcers, there is no word in french for home runs. >> yeah. >> seth: and actually, this is funny because my mother is a middle school french teacher and she used -- she had to do exactly what the sort of french do. you have to just make up words for like homeruns. and there are some pretty good ones. papillion? >> papillon. so knuckleball. the way that you hold a knuckleball is you basically hold it with your fingers and your knuckles kind of stick out. but the rotation of it is -- it flutters. so it is like a butterfly. it's very beautiful, very lyrical. so papillon means butterfly in french. >> seth: it's great. all of the words are so beautiful. my favorite is, is it picked off first? >> yeah. [ speaking french ] which literally means catching him on the wrong foot. it's very convoluting in some ways. i'm trying to remember my 11 years of educate bi-lingual -- tri-lingual education actually. i think i've got it down. >> seth: you talk -- can you
give us just a sense of what a home run call would sound like in french? just cause that to me, like hearing that is like -- 'cause again you listen to like obviously soccer is a sport you hear in all different languages. but other than, you know, baseball you think of spanish. you think of english, but you don't think of french. can you give us a french home run call? >> so there were would teams of announcers. typically you have one guy who does kind of an excited call but then the color man really kicks it up a notch. denis casavant and roger brulotte used to work together. so denis casavant may say something like -- [ speaking french ] then you hear roger brulotte, he just goes -- vladimir guerrero! [ laughter ] he's like freaking out. >> seth: that's great. thank you so much. [ applause ] and i would never forgive myself. i feel like we've given a platform hear to all the baseball writers of america, do you want to make a quick case for tim raines? >> tim raines needs to be in the hall of fame. now i'm angry. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. this is, reggie sanders forget about that. >> here we go. if you take 400 walks away from tim raines, no let's do this. you take 600 walks away from
tim raines, let's give him 400 bunt singles and 200 triple plays okay. he's clearly an inferior player but he has 3,000 hits at that point. every baseball writer would put him in the hall of fame even though he's an inferior writer -- inferior player at that point. i am saying to the baseball writers, what is wrong with you? walks are the same as singles. he's the highest percentage base stealer of all time. he's got 800 steals. everybody with 800 steals is in the hall of fame except tim raines. tim raines needs to be in the hall of fame. i will come to your house and hunt you down if you don't put him in the hall of fame. [ laughter ] >> seth: you were very convincing until the very end when you turned into a little bit of a sociopath. "up, up and away" is in stores now. it's really great. it's a great book about a team and a city. jonah keri everyone. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ ♪ >> carson: it is 1:30 in the morning, which means it's time for "last call." i'm carson daly. thank you for being here. and here's what we got for you tonight. in the music slot, it really doesn't get any cooler than the crystal method. that's coming up. plus, we've got a "spotlight" on the oscar-nominated "cutie and the boxer," but first phil lord and chris miller are a writing, producing, directing duo that's been on a hell of a roll over the past couple of years. they have scored huge hits with "21 jump street," and the "cloudy with a chance of meatballs" movies. their newest movie looks to keep that streak alive. i'm talking