tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 21, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
kumail nanjiani. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] are we well? that's excellent news. that is excellent news. there's also some bad news, donald sterling news, well, it just keeps coming. [ laughter ] no other way to put it than it just keeps coming. on monday the nba announced it will hold a meeting to decide whether to revoke donald sterling's ownership of the clippers. the meeting is expected to last from 9:00 a.m. to 9:01 a.m. [ laughter ]
fingers crossed for donald. this is pretty cool. an 11-year-old boy in ireland was able to save his grandfather from a car accident by taking the wheel and using skills he learned playing grand theft auto. [ laughter ] so it was probably unnecessary for him to pull over and beat up that hooker. [ laughter and applause ] you just don't need to do that. there's no reason to do that. this is truly crazy. a high school in arizona added a section to its year book titled, "i'm working a double shift" which features students who are teen parents. [ audience ohs ] while in florida, that section is just called sophomores. [ laughter and applause ] some cat news. you guys like cat news? [ cheers ]
a 24-year-old cat in england has been named the world's oldest cat. that cat is so old, if you give it a ball of yarn, it knits. [ laughter ] cat snap! [ laughter ] that concludes tonight's cat snap. [ light laughter ] i just, you know, sometimes cats get full of themselves and you need -- you need to snap a cat. [ laughter ] you know, you need to -- you know, i grew up in a place with cats and people would snap each other. [ laughter ] not sure what to think of this. "the new york times" reports that for $1,000 a month, men can hire a social development coach. a social development coach to help them appear more confident when talking to women. that way you can confidently tell a woman i had to hire a
coach so could i talk to you. [ laughter ] also, if you don't want to spend a thousand dollars a month to be more confident, you can pay $6 for a beer. [ laughter ] like people have been doing for generations. [ cheers and applause ] led zeppelin, the band led zeppelin is being sued by the band spirit who are claiming the stairway to heaven is based on one of their songs. if you're unfamiliar with the band spirit, they're best known for somehow never hearing stairway to heaven over the past 43 years. [ laughter ] interesting news according to recent study, americans hate their cable tv and internet providers more than any other industry. yes! said airlines! [ cheers and applause ] great news for airlines.
this is a shame. a man in florida has been arrested for inappropriately touching two women outside a walmart while claiming to be a psychic. though to his credit when the police picked him up he said, i knew this was going to happen. [ laughter ] this was just like my vision. [ applause ] this is weird. today mcdonald's unveiled a new mascot modeled after a happy meal box that has eyes and teeth, or as mcdonald's calls them, ingredients. [ laughter and applause ] i like this story. a man in houston is suing his stripper ex-girlfriend after she refused to give back his harry potter dvds when they broke up. [ laughter ] also, she gave him a bad case of hogwarts. [ laughter and applause ] cat snap!
this story is completely insane. an intoxicated tennessee man was arrested after he tried to have sex with an atm in a bar. now, call me old-fashioned. but i'm more comfortable making those kinds of transactions with a real live teller. [ laughter ] maybe it's just me. [ applause ] this is just sad. police in michigan are looking for a man who exposed himself at a local dq restaurant. apparently they have some qs about his d. [ laughter and applause ] cat snap! [ laughter ] and finally, a man was arrested in frankfurt airport last weekend after trying to smuggle 55 tortoises, 30 lizards, four snakes and one spiney tailed iguana inside a single suitcase.
in other words, that guy is terrible at smuggling but amazing at packing! ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are we doing, 8g band? everybody well? this is a treat for us. sitting in with fred and the 8g band, from dinosaur jr. j. mascis is here. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for j. j. has a new solo album coming soon on sub pop. it's called "tied to a star" and it will be out this summer. i can't wait to hear it. thank you so much for being here, j. >> thanks a lot. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and fred, i'm so happy that you're here. >> fred: i am, too. >> seth: it's great having you here. every time you're here i feel like i learn something new about you which is so great. we've known each other for so
long and yet every day, something new. i do worry sometimes that people at home feel like you might be making them up off the top of your head. these things i'm learning about you. [ laughter ] i don't -- i don't believe that you would do that. but, is it true, did you just discovered a new species? >> fred: i did. i did. it's a new species of parakeet. it is so -- it is tremendous. it is absolutly tremendous. >> seth: how is it different than all the parakeets we know thus far? >> it's about a thousand times the size. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, sorry, sorry. it's a thousand times bigger than a normal parakeet? >> fred: yes. >> seth: and yet, to that i will say if it was a thousand time smaller then i would maybe buy that you were the first person to see it. [ laughter ] but it seems like, at the scope, the scale you're talking about
this parakeet, it seems weird you're the first one to see it. >> fred: well, here's the thing about it. the way that it camouflages itself is, as feathers, it has tiny parakeets. you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] >> fred: so it's just one mass -- >> seth: but it looks like a flock of parakeets. >> fred: exactly, yes. >> seth: i see. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: so is it disguising itself against predators? >> fred: i think, yeah. or people, just onlookers. you know what i mean? like lookie loos. [ laughter ] i think -- my theory is that they don't like to be stared at. >> seth: right. >> fred: do you know what i mean? so i think as a sort of way to confuse people, that's what they do. just this mass of birds. >> seth: now, i don't know about you but i would definitely stare at a giant parakeet. i would also stare at a thousand parakeets clumped together in one giant mass. you know what i'm saying? >> fred: right. but that's evolution. [ laughter ] i mean, that's how it will change. as parakeets learn this and know this, that will change. that's the beauty of nature. >> seth: now, as the one who discovered it, do you get on
name it? >> fred: i do. >> seth: that's great. [ laughter ] what did you name this new parakeet that you discovered? >> fred: the paragiakeet. [ laughter ] the gia is in the middle. >> seth: yeah, gia for giant. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: that's great. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: because giant parakeet would be obvious. >> fred: yeah. i mean, you want to make it a little flowery. make it a little prettier. >> seth: well congratulations, fred. give it up for fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] the paragiakeet. great news. my parents were here last night. i'm always very excited when my parents come to the show. and my mother had injured her shoulder. she was hiking and she fell down and broke her shoulder. i had not seen her since this happened but she had been on the phone sort of bragging about how well her physical therapy is going and how her rehabilitation is and how much of the range of motion had returned to her shoulder. so last night during the show, she was in the audience and we cut to her and i asked her to show off her new range of motion. now, i thought she would maybe wave or do this.
but let's take a look at what my mother decided to do to show off the range of motion. [ laughter ] that is the happiest anyone has ever looked while heiling hitler. [ laughter and applause ] so great. of all the things she could have done. my dad said afterwards, because i made fun of her. she said, well what would you have done? to which my dad said, "literally anything else." [ laughter ] if seth had asked me to show off the motion of my arm, i would have said no before i would have given a nazi salute with a big old grin on my face. [ laughter ] it does lead you to think, maybe back in the day, hitler had a shoulder injury, right? [ laughter ] goes through some rehab, he sees a friend, the friend's like, "hey, how's the shoulder?" he's like, "ja, it's good, ja." [ laughter ] and the friend said, "what's that?" and he's like, "oh, just how i
show --" and he's like, "you should do something with that." [ laughter ] who knows? that's how history, sometimes the catalyst for history is the smallest thing. it was such a fun show last night. we also had patrick stewart here. the great actor patrick stewart was here talking about x-men which was very exciting. and one of the things we do on the show when we have a band like we did last night, is while the band is setting up, it takes a while. so i'll go into the audience and do a q and a. i'll just see if anybody in the audience has something to ask me. so the first guy asked a question. 'cause i will say usually the questions are very similar. this was a question i had never heard before because it was very specific for patrick stewart. "hey, what are you doing? you got captain jean luc-picard and you didn't ask any star trek questions." [ laughter ] he seemed really hurt. so i politely sort of told him, you know, that wasn't really what he was here to talk about. and he's done so many other things, it would have been rude to talk about a thing he hasn't done for a very long time. and then i started asking other people some questions. then i got curious and i went back to him. and i said, out of curiosity,
what would you have asked him about "star trek?" and immediately could i tell that he had not put any thought into this. [ laughter ] and he looked at me, he took and second and he went, "i don't know, like, do you miss flying around on a spaceship?" [ laughter and applause ] so needless to say, i can't wait for patrick stewart to come back. that's definitely the first thing i'm going on ask him. and then finally last night, we had counting crows on which is a band i love and adam duritz was nice enough to come out and talk with me. and "august and everything after," i listened to that a lot in college. and it is 20 years old this year and i was asking adam because he writes such great break-up songs if the women that the songs are about over the years had ever been angry with him about the fact that he wrote a song about the break up. and he sort of pointed out, the minute he did i knew it to be true. that in his songs, more often than not, he sort of takes responsibility for the relationship not working. like he is being self-critical.
and i realized that i had been listening to this blaming the girls that i dated in college, and then maybe last night going to bed, maybe it is time for me to take some responsibility. and so to the girls i dated in college, i just want to say i'm sorry that i thought this was an okay hair cut to have. [ laughter ] you know? you know? [ cheers and applause ] i'm sorry that we went on a school ski trip and i rocked this look, you know? [ laughter ] i don't know if you can tell. you probably can't tell because these cameras aren't powerful enough. little bit of a goatee. tried that out. that was like four months of work that didn't work out. so i never technically had a goatee but not from a lack of trying. at graduation -- you would have thought i maybe sorted it out for graduation. but not at all. [ light laughter ] you have to remember this is the height of hugh grant's popularity. so anything could you do to try to rock that look.
and then certainly my year book photo, you know, this would be something that would last forever. you know, everyone i ever went to college with will take this down from the shelf. and i do -- i want to say that i knew it was my year book so i definitely put some product in my hair. 'cause my hair was a little wild but it came down nicely. it really came down nicely. [ applause ] so to the three women who were kind enough to make out with me in college, my apologies. [ light laughter ] we've got a great show for you only the. james mcavoy is here! [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to him. also stopping by from the new film "blended," wendi mclendon-covey is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll talk with one of the stars of "silicon valley." the very funny kumail nanjiani. we'll be right back for more "late night" right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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we read and write poetry because we are members of the humanshend race.eness"] and the human race is filled with passion. and medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. but poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for. to quote from whitman, "o me, o life of the questions of these recurring. of the endless trains of the faithless. of cities filled with the foolish. what good amid these, o me, o life? answer: that you are here. that life exists and identity. that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse."
i love reading them and recently i got this very sweet note from a 13-year-old boy named timmy from grand rapids, michigan. [ cheers ] in the letter he said -- absolutely -- he's the number one fan. that he watches every night and that his dream is to be a guest on the show. well, i figured, you know what? why the hell not? ladies and gentlemen, give it up for timmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: come on up, buddy! come on up! take a seat, buddy! are you excited to be here? >> yeah. i brought, i brought you this. >> seth: oh, that's great. oh, wow! one free back rub. that's really nice. [ laughter ] >> yeah. my dad gave my mom for mother's day and i'm regifting it to you. >> seth: oh! well, thank you, timmy. you really shouldn't have. >> but it's only good from my dad. >> seth: okay, well -- [ laughter ] well, thank you very much. thank you very much. >> this is awesome! >> seth: i'm glad you like it. >> i get to miss school to be
here. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and i ate at that mcdonald's in times square on the second floor and i used a crap ton of ketchup. >> seth: that's really exciting. i'm glad you're having such a good time. now, in your letter that you sent, it said you love "late night" but you have some suggestions for the show. >> yeah. i had some ideas. >> seth: okay. >> do you mind if i -- >> seth: yeah, talk! that would be great. >> okay. [ laughter ] number one, you should do the show in a batman mask. >> seth: okay. why? >> well, because batman's cool. he can fight real hard and hates bad guys. and you can ask questions in this voice. you can be like -- [ batman voice ] "so, tell me when your new book's coming out? [ laughter ] i hear george clooney is a real prankster on set!" >> seth: that's really good, yeah. >> "do you prefer l.a. or new york?" >> seth: oh, yeah. now that you do it, it does sound like it'd be really fun. yeah.
do you have anything else for us, timmy? [ laughter ] >> number two. you should have a half-pipe on stage with guys doing skateboard tricks. therefore if people get bored of you, skateboard tricks. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay! all right, well, we'll definitely think about that. we'll definitely think about that. >> number three! [ laughter ] you should have a dog on the show that can actually talk. >> seth: okay. i mean, i think we could probably do it with cgi. >> no. oh, no. [ laughter ] if you can't do it, don't do it. >> seth: okay, okay. [ laughter ] >> number four! >> seth: okay. >> you should have a catchphrase that you say at the beginning of every show. so you come out and you're like -- you're like, "i'm seth meyers. you'd better buckle up because it's time to chuckle up." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's -- that's really good. that's really good.
>> try it now. >> seth: oh, you want -- you want me to try? >> try it now. >> seth: i'm seth meyers and you'd better buckle up because it's time to chuckle up. [ laughter and applause ] that's really good. it's really good. >> yeah, that works. number five! >> seth: okay. >> you should dress as a wolfman! >> seth: that sounds like a great idea but it seems like you want me to wear a batman mask or dress like wolfman? >> that's a great question. [ laughter ] okay -- both. >> seth: okay. >> yeah, that's a big both! >> seth: okay, great. >> oh! and -- you should -- you should do a segment -- where you take a huge monster truck like the grave digger and it comes out and it drives over my pre-algebra teacher's car. and he's like, "oh, no! what the crap are you doing to my car? >> seth: okay, now -- my question for that is how would that all fit in here, you know? >> i drew it all out.
>> seth: oh, it's like a map. okay. >> this is kind of like a map for just -- >> seth: oh! okay, great. so, like, so there's -- okay, there i am. it looks like i'm dressed like batman and wolfman. >> yeah. >> seth: there's the monster truck. >> monster truck there. >> seth: there's a half-pipe. so, that's you, timmy. >> yeah. >> seth: and i see you're with someone. is that your mom? >> no. not my mom. [ light laughter ] >> seth: who is it? >> stacy lauer. >> seth: oh! who is, who's stacy lauer? >> seth, do you mind if i address one of your cameras? >> seth: sure. >> i have something to say to somebody very special. >> seth: okay, yeah. go for it. go for it. ♪ >> stacy, i want to ask you to the year-end seventh grade dance. i know i'm not -- i know i'm not as handsome as stan jerowitz. [ light laughter ] i know i don't own an inground pool like jimmy reynolds.
but, stacy -- if we end up being boyfriend and girlfriend, which i want -- [ laughter ] it would be a tale as old as shakespeare itself. filled with instermountable obstacles. [ laughter ] like, you live on the southside of franklin and i live on the northside of franklin and my parents won't let me cross the street! [ laughter ] on my bike unless one of them's with me! but, stacy, i don't give a rip! [ laughter ] because you're not -- only the owner of my heart, you're the proud owner of my first genuine boner. [ laughter and applause ] no internet! no tv! just a real honest to goodness, staring at a person boner! [ laughter and applause ] >> timmy! timmy! >> stacy! o-m-freaking-g. how'd you get here so fast? [ eers and applause ]
>> wait. my dad's matt lauer. [ laughter ] and yes, of course i'll go to the dance with you. >> seth: oh, my goodness. i can't believe how this all turned out. look at this! [ laughter ] ♪ i love young love. congratulations, timmy! [ cheers and applause ] this is so wonderful. we'll be right back -- with james mcavoy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i don't believe it! it's...it's.. it's beggin', disengage. my heavens, it's beggin'! never mind, it's beggin'. it's flying beggin'! (vo) introducing beggin' party poppers, new bacon-y wrapped,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] seth: our first guest tonight stars as a young charles xavier in the highly anticipated film "x-men -- days of future past," which hits theaters this friday. you can also catch him in the new movie, "filth," which opens in select cities on may 30th. let's take a look. scotland. this nation brought the world television, the steam engine, golf, whiskey, penicillin and,
of course, the deep fried mars bar. it is great being scottish. we're such a uniquely successful race. ♪ [ light laughter ] seth: ladies and gentlemen, james mcavoy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ seth: welcome. thanks so much for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: so this film is based on a book by irvine welsh, who also wrote "trainspotting" >> yep. >> seth: and you play, sort of, a corrupt police officer, yes? >> yeah. i play a -- a drug-addicted, alcoholic, bigoted, racist, sexist, homophobic, uh -- [ laughter ] -- mentally ill police officer. so. yeah, you don't want him pulling you over for a dui. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. it doesn't seem like you want him pulling you over for anything. >> you don't want him pulling
you. >> seth: right? exactly. [ laughter ] you shot it in edinburgh, yes? >> yeah. >> seth: beautiful city. i used to go to the fringe festival. i was over there a few times. >> oh, cool. >> seth: and i will say, like, even "trainspotting" -- which is a movie that i love. you are both are, like, drawn to scotland and also pushed away from scotland. it seems like it's another one of these. >> yeah, we were trying to do something that would give the audience a kind of harrowing yet compelling experience. so, it's kind of -- when i say roller coaster, i don't just mean, like, "oh, wow, it's thrilling," but it literally is something you want to get off but can't. [ laughter ] and at the end of it, you are going, "how -- how did i get through that?" so, it's, you know, it's funny. it is also very, sort of, shocking at times. but it is compelling. >> seth: your sister is an actress. >> yes. >> seth: she's in the film as well. and you have to -- this is something that -- this seems to me like it would be the roller coaster for and you not the audience because you have to physically threaten your own sister. >> yeah, and i have to say -- basically, i'm trying to get some information out of her. i tell her that if she doesn't give me it, i'm going to come back and sexually abuse her.
[ laughter ] we were between takes and my grandmother called me. [ laughter ] she's like, "hiya, son, what's happening? what are you doing?" i was like, "oh, you know, just hanging out with joy." [ laughter ] but she's an amazing actress, my sister joy. and as weird as that scene is, actually getting to work with a great actor in a scene like that makes it easier. so even though she was my sister, it kind of made it easier just because she's so good. >> seth: well, that's great. you play the same character as patrick stewart. >> yeah! >> seth: but you haven't -- this is the first you've played. you've obviously been in "x-men" movies before. this is the first time you have a scene with him. and you're a big patrick stewart fan, yes? >> yeah. i mean, i started watching him when he played gurney halleck in david lynch's "dune." and -- and then for seven years watching "star trek." >> seth: so, you're a big "star trek" fan as well? >> -- yes. [ laughter ] i was a massive "star trek" fan. why's that -- why's that a sort of nerd thing? >> seth: yeah. well. >> is that, like, laughing with me or laughing at me? i don't know. [ laughter ] but, yeah.
no, it was -- it was a weird kind of honor and a privlage to get to do it. and although i'd played charles before in the previous movie, "first class," it did feel quite ceremonial doing the scene with him. it was like it was being passed over a little bit. i don't know if he thinks he's coming back. i don't know. [ laughter ] i would have something to say about that. >> seth: right. yeah. >> but, you know, at the end of the day, as much as you're nervous, you've got to kind of -- you just got a go, like, "right. put the nervousness aside. you've got a job to do. this is how i do it, patrick." [ laughter ] and it's mine now. but he was amazing and he was so, so generous and so welcoming into his posse of "x- men" because i was, like, the lone guy from my group kind of going into his territory. it sounds like the "warriors" or something like that movie, if you know what i mean. >> seth: yeah, they let you into the club. >> seth: so, you play -- i'm a big soccer fan. and you play in a -- is it a charity event this, your annual soccer game? >> yeah, yeah. robie williams, the singer and songwriter, he has been organizing this charity event called soccer aide for the last, i think, ten years.
so, every two years, you get a bunch of english celebrities with english professional soccer players, and you put them up against a bunch of -- rest of the world celebrities and rest of the world. i'm rest of the world, by the way, because i'm scottish. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> yeah, no, it's great, isn't it? >> seth: but good distinction. it's a good distinction. you can see it. >> it's a bit, kind of, discrimination there, do you know what i mean? like, the offhandedness of it, you know? there's not any kind of real terminology paid to the scots. it's just like, yeah, you rest of the world people. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> and so, yeah. and we -- sort of, go and have this match with match at old trafford where manchester united play. >> woman: woo! >> yeah! but it's been a bad season, you know, for them. but you play in front of 75,000 people. >> seth: for real? that many show up? >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: that's amazing. >> yeah, it's getting -- we made -- i think we made 6 million pounds last time for various charities including unisef. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, i know, it's cool. and hopefully we'll make more this time. >> seth: and do people -- it's a charity event. but like, here you are in actual stadium with that many fans. do people play hard? >> well, it's kind of -- the english team, right? they take it very seriously. first day of training -- you do
three days training -- the english team, all these celebrities, all actors, right? "not the face, not the face." [ laughter ] and -- singers and some professionals as well. they all turn up, the entire team. and they're like, "we're going to win it! we're going to win this thing!" the rest of the world team, last year, there were six of us and one professional on the first day of training. not even enough for four a side football, right? [ laughter ] so, it is kind of unbalanced. so, we were like, "ah, whatever, it is what it is. we're going to battered. it's going to be fine." but as soon as you step on the field, it's just like, "i'm going to break your legs, man." [ laughter ] but, yes, it can -- it gets a little bit serious. and gordon ramsey he plays for the rest the world team because as much as he sounds english, he's actually scottish. and, um -- he -- he might nail me for saying that actually. [ laughter ] he got, you know, he's full of mouth. he's full of lip. and one of the professional football players in the england team, teddy sheringham, took against this. and he decided to play the villain and he decided to take him out.
and once gordon was on the floor, he kind of took his face and rubbed his face in the dirt a little bit and then walked away, thinking, you know, he'll get up. and like five minutes later, when gordon's being carried to hospital -- [ laughter ] -- teddy sheringham was like, "i'm so sorry, man. i'm so sorry." it was kind of brilliant. >> seth: well, i hope you raise the money, and i hope you manage to walk off on your own two feet. >> fingers crossed. >> seth: and i can't wait for both your movies. congratulations. and thank you so much for being here. >> thank you! thanks for having me, too. >> seth: james mcavoy, everybody. "x-men -- days of future past" is in theaters this friday. and "filth" opens in select cities on may 30th. we'll be right back with wendi mclendon-covey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ the new samsung galaxy s5 with s-health helps you stay on top of your goals. it works with your gear fit to give you a nudge when you need it... ...somebody's motivated... ...a pat on the back when you deserve it... ...and tracks your overall fitness with the first ever built in heart rate monitor.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. you know our next guest from her work in "bridesmaids," "reno 911" and "the goldbergs." she can be seen in the upcoming film "blended," which opens in theaters on may 23rd. please welcome, wendi mclendon-covey. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> oh, it's all happening! >> seth: it's all happening. >> my whole life has led up to this moment. >> seth: oh, my goodness. [ laughter ] and everything after will be a denouement. >> that's right. >> seth: so, tell us about "blended." it's adam sandler. it's drew barrymore.
you play drew's best friend. >> i play her best friend and i've always wanted to work with drew and adam, so i never thought the day would come that i could work with them together on the same project. they called and said, "oh, would you like to do this?" and i said yes before i had read the script or knew what they wanted me to do. so, luckily the part was fun. [ laughter ] okay? i'm not playing the back end of a horse. >> seth: were you nervous working with people that you'd looked up to for so long? >> uh -- yeah, i was. because, i mean, i had a poster of drew in my room growing up, i'm way older than her, but still, i wanted to be her. [ laughter ] in the 90s, i wanted to be her. >> seth: which -- i don't even know -- what poster did you have of drew? >> well, she used to do the guess campaign in the 90s. >> seth: oh, got it. >> and she was just, like -- she was everything. she was gorgeous. and adam, i've been following for years, so yeah, i was very nervous to come in. i thought, okay, i'm going to get fired the first day. i'm not going to be able to be funny. you know? i shouldn't even pack a full suitcase. i'm gonna get there. they're going to look at me at the airport and send me right back. but it worked out. >> seth: did you tell drew about the poster or did you just --
>> i didn't. >> seth: -- you internalized that. that's good. [ laughter ] i think historically people don't like meeting people and having them say, "i had you on my wall." [ laughter ] >> i think that is weird. well, look, it was more like a style touchstone. okay? like, i was wanting to look like her. i was not wanting to -- >> seth: right. [ laughter ] we're going to talk about what that means later. we actually have a clip of the film. here you -- you show up at a baseball game. drew's -- one of drew's kids is playing. not very good at baseball. >> yes, not good at baseball. a bit of a tantrum thrower. i'm not crazy about kids, but i don't like people picking on my best friend's kids. >> seth: let's take a look. >> you're at a baseball game? >> i'm going on a mystery trip with dick! >> that's so great! >> i have no idea where we're going. he's so much fun. ah! i'm so excited! >> announcer: now batting -- number 23, tyler reynolds! [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, come on! go tyler! woo! come on, tyler! >> they're putting this kid in? >> league rule -- every kid has to play two innings.
even kids like him. >> you better shut your piehole or i'm going to stuff my entire fist in your mouth. >> i'll kick your ass for two innings, you burt reynolds scrawny reject. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth: it's really funny. now, you sort of got your start at groundlings in l.a. >> yes. >> seth: you were there at the same time as kristin wiig, melissa mccarthy. and that's a place -- certainly, i know from going there when i was at "snl" -- where you develop a lot of characters. >> right. >> seth: and your characters on "reno 911" was something you started doing at the groundlings, is that right? there. >> yeah, yeah. celementine -- a woman who was loosely based on my aunt -- god rest her soul. [ laughter ] i don't know if she ever saw it. it's a big homage to my aunt, but truly, i have no idea if she ever saw it. but, um -- but, yeah. so, clemmy was this -- >> seth: here's the character that you based on your aunt. >> oh! ick! [ cheers and applause ] that picture follows me everywhere. and i look so constipated in it. [ laughter ] but anyway, yeah, so she was a woman with a lot of swagger. she wasn't a cop at the groundlings, but she was just someone who, you know, kind of
thought like a man and was always bragging about things that weren't interesting. like, "you know, sometimes i stay out until 11:00- 11:00 p.m." [ laughter ] "i'm not afraid. not afraid to do it." [ laughter ] "i eat all -- i eat beef, an all-beef diet from argentina." [ laughter ] like, everything just sounds more exciting than it really is. >> seth: and now, you're on "the goldbergs." you're playing a mother. you borrowed from your aunt for "911." do you use your mother at all for your character in "the goldbergs." >> i -- oh, yeah. yeah. because my mom was also a smotherer. i'm sorry, mom. [ laughter ] but she was very overprotective of me and very -- because i was the first born, and so every time i coughed in the middle of the night, there she was -- triaminic in one hand and a spoon in the other. [ laughter ] like, i'm clearing my throat, mom. oh, you're going out on a date? it's 7:30. we'll see you at 9:30. [ laughter ] and then, she would stand on the porch and flip the lights on and off, so that i couldn't get into makeout mode. [ laughter ]
>> seth: oh, so when they would drive you home, she would just do like a strobe effect. >> she'd be out there. hi! [ whispering ] come in. come in. [ laughter ] or stand right next to the car. >> seth: and she eavesdropped on you, is this correct? >> she did. she did. >> seth: this is a great story. >> we kind of do this on "the goldbergs." >> seth: so, you borrowed this and put it on the -- >> and put it on "the goldbergs." >> seth: but this is based on your real life? >> but this happened. my mom was spying on me through the heater. through the grate in the heater and she fell asleep. [ laughter ] so, i walked in to go to the bathroom and tripped over my sleeping mother -- [ laughter ] -- and she was like, "i don't remember that." well, i'll never forget it. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, it sounds like she would make a terrible spy. >> yes, she would. >> seth: but congratulations on "the goldbergs," coming back for a second season. >> thank you. yes! thank you. >> seth: and congratulations on "blended" as well. give it up for wendi mclendon covey! her movie "blended" is in theaters friday, may 23rd. we'll be right back with kumail nanjiani. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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the season finale airs june 1st on hbo. let's take a look. >> i'm much more handsome than you know. my face is completely symmetrical. do you know what my nickname was when i was a kid? >> what? >> pakastani denzel. nothing like it. denzel washington and his beautiful smile. >> you look ridiculous. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome, kumail nanjiani! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: so happy to have you here. >> oh, thank you so much for having me. >> seth: congratulations on everything. we've known each other a long time and of course, you know fred from portlandia. you worked with fred on portlandia. [ cheers and applause ] >> you -- i don't know if you remember the first time we met. i had just moved to new york and -- i had this rule like, because i would see people sucking up to celebrities. i was like, "i'm not going to be nice to them" -- [ laughter ] but i think with you, i overcompensated. because i met you and this newspaper did a profile on me. and fred was like, "hey.
nice to meet you. that was a great profile." and i said, "i know", and i walked away. [ laughter ] >> fred: it was a great profile. congratulations. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> seth: when you worked on portlandia, what was it like? i mean, you've done multiple things now but what was it first like when you showed up in portland? >> well, i hadn't really done very much. and i was -- e-mailing with john krisel who's the director of the show. and -- they were like, "yeah, we'll send you the script. you know? it'll be fine." so, i got to portland and there's no script yet and i was terrified. and krisel like, "i've got the script. i'll e-mail it to you tonight." the night before i'm going in, i get an e-mail from krisel and it's one line and it says, "they want to buy a cell phone. you're trying to upsell them." and that was it. [ laughter ] >> seth: that was the entirety of the script. >> that was the entirety of the script. it was two lines. so, i looked up the scripts of -- you know, when you call these phone places, all the stuff they say. i actually called one and they
were like, "it seems like you kind of want to talk to us right now. [ laughter ] this is a new feeling for us." i was like, "what other kind of plans do you have?" and i looked up the names of them and they were all, like, these aggressive ones. so, i came up with, sort of like, versions of that. like there was one phone called, i called it "blast rate" -- which is, like, how to describe how far a bomb goes. [ laughter ] but there were name like that. oh, yeah! one was, i named one "vitrio" which is just the word vitriol with the "l" taken out -- which sounds like a phone. >> seth: it's one of my favorite sketches and we actually -- here's a clip of -- kumail trying to upsell fred and carrie in portlandia. >> the basic plan we have for the family is the family talk plan. it's called "all talk." you get 400 anytime minutes which can use any time. there's another one called "even more family" -- and that is 400 anytime minutes, unlimited nights and weekends. >> that sounds great. we'll do that. >> there's more options. [ laughter ] can i, there's -- "even more family unlimited" which is
unlimited minutes and texting plus web. >> okay, so one doesn't have texting. the other doesn't have web. >> we'll just get one that has everything. >> okay. well, then you want the "simply everything" plan. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> there's also "simply everything plus." >> what? >> simply everything plus texting. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: do you get recognized for "portlandia"? >> yeah. because i always play sort of similar characters. people will be like, "hey, you're from portlandia. you're really annoying!" i'm like, "you know i'm acting, right? [ laughter ] i didn't get a job selling phones and then get a job as a waiter and then get a job doing -- birthday loans." >> seth: right. >> people can't separate it exactly. >> seth: well, portland, reality is, you know -- it sort of moves around a little bit. >> it's a little heightened. i love it there. >> seth: you had a really exciting thing happen this week. we had patrick stewart on yesterday. you are also a patrick stewart fan and he actually tweeted, he tweeted praise of you on "silicon valley." >> yeah.
it was very, very -- first of all, i think your show from now on should be you guys talking about patrick stewart. >> seth: probably. [ laughter ] >> every episode. like, "patrick stewart ate a pizza today, he liked it." >> seth: i feel so bad for the guy here yesterday who wanted this. >> yeah! >> seth: now, they can't stop talking about him. >> i -- yeah, he tweeted and he said that he really liked the show. he said it was brilliant. and i almost cried. [ laughter ] i, i'm not joking. i almost cried. i like that when mcavoy says, "he likes 'star trek'", he doesn't like, "oh, handsome likes star trek. that's nice." and i like it, they're like, "that makes sense." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, you're right. no one laughed when you said you like star trek. >> they're like, "of course he does, look at him." of course he likes "star trek." >> they're like, "of course he does. look at him. >> seth: we're going to be -- >> yeah. >> seth: we're going to be back with more kumail nanjiani right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the second half of our interview with kumail nanjiani is online. i think you should watch it. there's some very interesting medical information. >> yeah, that's how, you know, you'll see a baby and you'll be like, that's normal. [ laughter ] >> seth: also a reminder, "silicon valley" season finale is june 1st on hbo my thanks to james mcavoy, wendi mclendon-covey, kumail nanjiani tim robinson, j. mascis and of course the 8g band. see you tomorrow. stay tuned for carson daly! [ cheers and applause ]
♪ ♪ >> carson: hey, welcome to "last call." we're hanging out at amp radio in los angeles for tonight's show. we've got a good one coming your way. our music, out of oakland, warm soda is going to perform from hotel vegas in austin. in our comedy spotlight, you're going to get to know actor/comedian andrew santino. but first, buckle in because the enormously talented and supremely energetic j.b. smoove is here to talk about the new season of "last comic standing." you're going to get that and more from state social house right now in west hollywood. take a look. ♪ >> i have to go into "curb your enthusiasm" with the mindset of a comedian.