♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to emma stone, robinson cano, keith urban. [ cheers and applause ] that was fantastic. and the roots right there, ladies and gentelemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- anthony bourdain colin quinn

music from paramore featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ seth: good evening, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? doing well? [ cheers ] is everybody well? let's start off tonight with a little celebrity news. a fan has posted a video of drake using a lint roller on his pants at a toronto raptors game. [ laughter ] it's interesting. see, when i use a lint roller, i do my jacket first, but drake started from the bottom. [ laughter ] that's what that song is about.

it's about slacks maintenance. i love this. a kansas man on trial for first-degree murder wants to remove a tattoo across his neck reading "murderer" because he's worried it might prejudice the jury. [ laughter ] though, he might be able to create reasonable doubt by just adding a question mark. [ laughter and applause ] murderer? murder? anybody here see "frozen"? [ cheers and applause ] well, the academy award winning couple who wrote songs for "frozen" told npr yesterday that disney doesn't welcome religious themes in their movies. of course, the movie "frozen" still promotes religion because i've been praying for months to

get the song "let it go" out of my head. [ laughter and applause ] it's ironic, because the title of that song is the one thing you can't do with that song. [ laughter ] this is interesting. the pentagon has unveiled a 6'2" robot modelled after the terminator that it plans to use for search and rescue missions. that way, instead of slowly dying in the rubble of a collapsed building you can immediately die of a heart attack. [ laughter and applause ] "oh, thank god. someone's coming to save me." [ laughter ] i need a minute. i put my whole body into acting out that short one-act play. i went into very deep character. find seth meyers again. [ laughter ] we love new studies here at

"late night." we're huge fans of new studies, and a new study suggests that when women are ovulating, they are more attracted to musicians who can create complex music. and when they're not ovulating, they're attracted to nickelback. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here's some international news. china's state media has announced that it's "cleaning the web" campaign has successfully shut down 110 porn websites. that's like new york city announcing that they're "cleaning the subway" campaign has successfully exterminated one rat. [ laughter ] "we got him. we got the rat." the center for disease control claims that 80% of people with herpes don't know they have the disease. but there is a quick test you can do. do you drive a camaro?

[ laughter ] i'm not sure what to make of this. the detroit metropolitan airport has unveiled indoor patches of grass -- indoor patches of grass that serve as toilets for service dogs. and the new york subway continues to offer hundreds of square miles of tile that serve as toilets for everybody. [ laughter and applause ] "we got the rat! and every place is a toilet." things are looking up for the new york city subway. [ light laughter ] an artisanal lollipop company has launched a new line of beer-flavored lollipops. beer-flavored lollipops. more troubling than the thought of a beer-flavored lollipop is the fact that there's an artisanal lollipop company. [ laughter ]

"mother, what is this tripe? a dum-dum? [ laughter ] i asked for an artisanal lollipop! you are the dumb dumb, mother. i'm a fancy boy and i demand artisanal lollipops." [ laughter and applause ] a new study by loma linda university in california found that laughter can help increase memory function, which explains why my ex-girlfriends say that sex with me was such a memorable experience. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i don't remember them as well, because i was crying. [ laughter ] this is insane. a woman in los angeles told

abc's "nightline" that she spent $15,000 on plastic surgery so she would look better in selfies. and i bet she was angry when she learned she could have just done this -- [ laughter ] this in $15,000 or this for free. and finally, the buffalo bills this week lost a class action lawsuit to their fans and will have to pay a $3 million settlement. that's right the buffalo bills are so bad, they even lose to their fans. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g band! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are we doing, 8g band? is everybody good? it's great to see you all. welcome back, eleanor. thanks for joining us.

fred armisen not with us tonight, but we are -- you know, we miss him, but we're doing great without him. we miss him. uh -- he has not been communicating very well with me this week, less and less every day. i think -- i'm like 90% sure he joined a cult. [ laughter ] i just think that's what happened. i look forward to hearing him explain it when he gets back. but, uh -- as of right now, i think he's probably in a cult. last night, we had a really fun show. author and sportswriter jonah keri was here. he wrote a great book about the montreal expos, and we had him on. it was really fun. he told a lot of great stories. and before the show, i went back and said hello and he brought me this. he brought me a montreal expos yarmulke. and he did that because he thought i was jewish. i'm not jewish. a lot of people -- not everybody thinks i'm jewish, but every single jewish person thinks that i'm jewish. [ laughter ] and it's not their fault because

they think that -- they come to that conclusion because of my face and my name and everything about me. [ laughter ] you can't blame them for that. my father's father was jewish, so i'm not jewish. and it's weird, because when jewish people think i'm jewish, they're very excited about it. and i don't want to say, like, "oh, no, i'm not jewish." because when you say that, you sound like somebody trying to get into a 1950s country club. [ laughter ] it's just not an attractive thing to say. and i love the idea of being jewish, and i'm very pro jewish. i can prove it, because i -- i married a jewish woman. my wife alexi is jewish, and we got married this summer under a huppa. and were there yarmulkes at my wedding? there were. were there montreal expos yarmulkes? there were not. [ laughter ] i wish there had been. but it's funny. when i first met alexi's parents, they were -- they thought i was jewish as well, and they were very excited about that. so then when i had to tell them that i wasn't jewish, they were very disappointed. over the course of five years, i won them over. and especially, you know, when i

proposed to their daughter, they were very excited about that. and i realize they just came to the conclusion that i was jewish enough. [ laughter ] and i realize it's the only religion where that sort of happens, and it makes sense that it's the only religion that ends with ish. [ laughter ] it's true. [ cheers and applause ] i'm sure i'm not the first person who's made this observation, but i feel like -- now, when her friends ask my mother-in-law, like, "is that the jew?" she's like, "he's jew-ish." [ laughter ] and i love -- i will say, i am proudly jew-ish and i cannot wait for next year's passover, a holiday i now celebrate, where i wear my montreal expos yarmulke and am told by my wife to take it off. [ laughter ] because it looks ridiculous. we have such a great show for you tonight. the host of cnn's "parts unknown," anthony bourdain is here. [ cheers and applause ] a man with fascinating stories, fascinating experiences.

we're also going to be talking to a very funny -- the very funny colin quinn, one of my favorite comedians of all time and a good friend. [ cheers and applause ] and music from paramore. [ cheers and applause ] they're going to be outstanding tonight. absolutely outstanding. now, real quick, does anyone here use instagram? [ cheers and applause ] now for those of you who don't know, instagram is an app that lets you take great pictures of anything from food to dogs and that's it. [ light laughter ] the best part about instagram is that it has filters. for example -- here's a picture of me in my office. okay? now, let's use the inkwell filter on this. and just like that, i can be in any student film. [ laughter ] well, we here at "late night" decided to come up with some filters of our own. for instance, here's a picture of a happy family. and now, let's apply the lifetime original movie filter. [ laughter ]

as you can see, this filter softens the image, but what's harder to see is that the lifetime filter also gives the father a devastating secret that will tear this family apart! [ laughter and applause ] this is a nice one. let's start with a picture of a young couple. and let's see what happens when we use the new back from vacation filter. [ laughter ] oh, looks like they forgot to pack their sunscreen. all right, moving on. we have a picture of a young lady playing frisbee. all right, let's use hbo's new "girls" filter, and she's topless. [ laughter ] and you know what, while we're at it, let's throw on the hbo "game of thrones" filter. there you are. [ cheers and applause ] on "game of thrones," they go double topless. this next one is a picture of a well-dressed businessman. let's use the beard filter, which i'm assuming puts a beard on him.

oh, okay. [ laughter ] different kind of beard. that's probably a helpful filter when you're sending pictures to your grandparents. this next picture is of a college party. all right, let's see what happens when we throw on the new family-friendly filter. okay, there you are. [ laughter ] no, no, that doesn't look like how you use a microscope. and finally, here's a picture of a man at the summit of a mountain. and let's try it out with instagram's new instagram filter. i wonder what that could be. there you go. [ laughter ] the core of every instagram photo. we hope you liked our filters. we'll be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i've got the gelato. mmm! mmm! is that ice cream? uh, no, it's breyers gelato indulgences.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. so, i passed a club on the way home last night. and i saw what i thought was two girls in a fight. but it turns out it was just one really drunk girl trying to take her jacket off. [ laughter ] so i went over to help her, and i was so excited, because it turns out, she was someone i am such a huge fan of. i grew up watching her movie,

and i wanted to hear what she's been up to. so, i asked her to come on the show today. please welcome, heiress to the warbucks fortune, grown-up annie. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi. grown-up annie, thank you so much for coming. i have to say, i saw you last night, you still look like you're in party mode. >> oh, there is no other mode when you're grown-up annie. >> seth: so, why are you wearing sunglasses inside? >> because the sun will come out tomorrow, and i just can't even. >> seth: oh, grown-up annie. so you really like -- you really like going to nightclubs, huh? >> of course i do. i grew up in a musical, seth. >> seth: of course, that's true. and it was such a great musical, but i have to ask, what have you been up to since then?

have you like stayed in touch with the other orphans? >> oh, no, no. [ laughter ] turns out other orphans aren't super psyched about the girl who inherits millions and gets to live in a house mansion. yeah. it's like if they had only rescued one of the chilean miners. i don't think the others would have been like "yay, we're so happy to live in this cave!" >> seth: that's a good analogy. so, grown-up annie, do you have any friends? are you lonely? >> oh, no, seth, i'm not lonely. i've been in many relationships, with some of the hottest men in hollywood. but i will not tell you who. >> seth: okay. >> but i will say their names sound like pierce brosnan, tom selleck, nick nolte. that one was like two trains crashing together. [ laughter ] like this, like this, like this. >> seth: that's great. i have to say, real quick, those men all seem a lot older than you? >> oh, i have daddy issues, seth.

>> seth: oh, no. i should have guessed that. >> yeah, i was adopted by a man who's first name was daddy. that was his name, daddy. it's weird. >> seth: that is weird. it's weird. i'm almost afraid to ask, how's your dog sandy? >> oh, she's a mess. she pees on the carpet, her hair is falling out. oh, wait. that's me. [ laughter ] i'm sorry, what'd you ask? >> seth: i asked you, how's sandy? >> oh, she's dead. [ laughter ] yeah, i know. but, don't be sad. don't be sad. she died doing what she loved. >> seth: oh, yeah, what was that? >> smuggling drugs across the mexican border. >> seth: i don't think she loved that. that is -- that's awful. >> well, i know it's awful, seth. but you just gotta laugh. >> seth: why do you got to laugh? >> because you know what i say? i'm never fully dressed. >> seth: without a smile? >> no, i'm just never fully dressed.

[ laughter ] it's like 50/50 that i'm wearing underwear right now. i am. your loss. >> seth: i don't feel like it's my loss. so, i have to ask, grown-up annie, like, how do you even spend your day? >> oh, well, as any child of the insanely rich, i've developed some products that have my name on them, that i get all the profits from and do zero of the work for. >> seth: right, so you have like a perfume or a clothing line? >> no, worse, an energy drink. >> seth: okay. you have your own line of energy drinks? >> yeah, they're called "annie!" just like miss hannigan used to scream my name. annie! [ laughter ] >> seth: that's great. that's really great grown-up annie. >> i also "accidentally" released a sex tape. >> seth: the way you're saying it, it doesn't sound like an accident. >> yeah. it's called "hard knock life." except instead of knock, it's a word that sounds like knock, but means penis.

you get it, seth. >> seth: yeah, we all get it. everybody gets it. so, i have to be honest, grown-up annie, you sound like you're a little bit of a mess. >> oh, i'm not that bad, seth. and you know what? whenever i get down, i can always sing one of my songs to cheer me up. you want to sing a song with me, seth? >> seth: yeah, sure. i'd like that. ♪ when you're stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ seth? ♪ just pick up your chin and grin and say ♪ >> put cocaine right here! >> seth: that's not -- those aren't the lyrics! grown-up annie, everyone. we'll be right back with anthony bourdain. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. our first guest is one of the most adventurous eaters in the world. he is a best-selling author and hosts the emmy award winning show "anthony bourdain: parts unknown." please welcome, anthony bourdain.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: it's so great to meet you in person, because i actually appeared on one of the shows. a show you produce, called "the getaway." >> yeah. >> seth: and my brother and i went to amsterdam. and it's a travel show. and the thing i need to ask you, because watching a travel show is so much fun. people like, eat all day, and it's so wonderful. but when you're on it, you have you to eat so much. >> now you know. >> seth: like more than you would ever want to eat in a day. >> it gets tough when, you know, you do the whole roasted pig scene and you forget that there's the lasagna tasting three hours later. >> seth: yes. it's terrifying. you're like, oh, my goodness, i'm going to be -- by the end of the show, they're going to need to do new wardrobe, because i can't fit in my pants. >> the whole crew's really careful about, if we're doing a show in italy, for instance, and eating a lot of pasta and cheese, bread, we make sure to not to schedule a france show

afterwards. we're looking for a country with either no food, or maybe you know like noodles and broth. [ laughter ] >> seth: the no food countries have been great. i've so enjoyed those episodes. >> or at least -- at least guaranteed, like, regular diarrhea would be, you know -- >> seth: yeah, that's nice. >> slimming. >> seth: now, it's different -- it's both a food show, it's a travel show. it's very unique. how would you -- and it just got picked up for -- you're in your third season now? is it four more seasons? >> yeah. >> seth: that's great. congratulations. >> long, yeah. happy about it. >> seth: that's so exciting. [ cheers and applause ] >> having a lot of fun. >> seth: now, do you have a favorite episode? a favorite place you've gone? >> i always have fun in -- in tokyo, it's like living inside a pinball machine. it's really exciting. but, this coming season -- this sunday is the france show, set in lyon. and, you know, my dad was from a french family. and we ate really, really well. just incredibly, legendary,

delicious, over the top food. for pure food porn, it might be the porniest show we've done. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, that's great. i look forward to that. now, you also went to russia, this season. >> yeah. >> seth: you did not like that as much? >> the drinking. i can't keep up with them. >> seth: yeah. >> they're not the most friendly, outgoing people in the world. if you're going to make friends there, get people to open up, you really got to work your way down about two-thirds of the way to the bottom of the bottle. and i just can't keep up with them. i mean, it's every night. you know, it's not a question of "am i going to vomit after this meal?" [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> it's "will i make it out the door before i throw up all over myself?" >> seth: that was -- the other experience i had, i remember watching "the getaway" after my brother and i were on it. and there's a scene where i'm like "oh, that's the drunkest i've ever been on camera." >> yeah. >> seth: and i'm trying to hide it. but my brother and i are talking to each other so slow. [ laughter ] like, making sure we say every word. >> it doesn't work. >> seth: no, it does not. >> it doesn't work. i just feel free to just be drooling, stutteringly, pathetically drunk. it's become sort of a signature.

[ laughter ] >> seth: now, was going some place sort of as politically volatile is russia, did you feel that when you go and visit? 'cause it seems like you like you do -- you immerse yourself in a culture. >> we were there right before sochi olympics. things were just starting to come to a boil in ukraine. um, it's not a very friendly show towards putin, and that's a concern. i mean, it's a very repressive situation there. and i was staying in a hotel in moscow that's famous during soviet times for having bugged all of the rooms. and i'm thinking as i'm up there in my room watching "anal rampage" on pay per view whether i'm gonna be -- [ laughter ] i'm going to be seen on that -- >> seth: also, you're mad if someone else is listening to it for free, you feel like they should chip in. [ laughter ] >> right? >> seth: yeah, i mean, those things are expensive. i do feel like that's a good way of getting back at someone if they've bugged your room. >> yeah. >> seth: i'm glad you like all -- not just food porn. i'm glad you cover all the porns. [ laughter and applause ]

so someone like you who's eaten probably more spectacular meals than anyone. do you have -- if you had a last meal, what would your last meal be? >> where president obama is eating, i think, today. you know, this is a president with very good taste in food, clearly. because he's eating at my choice for last meal, sukiyabashi jiro in tokyo. they made a great film about it called "jiro dreams of sushi." >> seth: oh, i've seen that film. i didn't realize that that was the place. >> and it's about 25 of the most amazing sushi courses you've ever had in about 24 minutes. it's very hardcore, old school. the chef is sort of looking at you, watching you. you know, you're not chatting with your friends while his nigiri gets soggy. it's definitely not a place where, you know -- the people who pour the soy sauce in the little bowl and then make a slurry with the wasabi. that's not okay there. >> seth: and you probably don't go, "can i get it without onions?"

>> yeah. "can i have a spider roll?" no. but it's -- seriously, if i had to check out, that would be the meal. right after that last bite. if i had to go, i would not -- as i fell, leaking to the ground, breathing my last -- i would think, "well, you know, i have no regrets about what i was eating." >> seth: you know who would have regret? the person who's sitting next to you. [ laughter ] >> right. >> seth: who had this amazing meal and then had to watch you die. of all the days to come to the place. >> if it happened to the guy next to me and i was halfway through my meal. >> seth: yeah. >> the food is so good, i think i'd stick around. >> seth: that is very high praise. now, you have a family, a wife and daughter. do you travel with them? you travel so much for work, what do you guys do for family time. >> you know, my daughter's in school now, so i can really only take her out of school maybe once per season. last year, i took her to tokyo.

my wife's italian, so maybe to italy once a year. um, for vacation, i'm not traveling. i'm not spending any more time in airports. i drive to, you know, the beach -- nearby beach. and i turn into, like barbeque dad. i like, sort of the slightly psychotic male version of ina garden. [ laughter ] i'm just overly happy to not be moving. and just standing there in a ridiculous, you know, "world's greatest dad" apron. grilling hot dogs and hamburgers for my daughter. that makes me -- frankly, after all the places i go, it's an exotic wonderland. long island. >> seth: that's great to hear, because i would think your daughter, because of all the things you eat, would be at risk of turning into like a very young foodie, like food snob. but that's -- hamburgers and hot dogs just maybe seems -- >> foodies are annoying enough. do we really need child foodies? [ laughter ] i'm so proud of hunter, she loves sushi. you know, that's -- that's child cruelty. they should take your kids away for stuff like that. i let her find -- i obviously eat some pretty unusual stuff.

my wife's italian, so she eats differently than some of our neighbors. a lot of hooves and snouts and stuff at our house. my wife's a fighter as well, i mean, she's always in training. >> seth: right, she's an mma fighter. >> yeah, so -- >> seth: i feel like you need to add that when you say your wife's a fighter. i'm like "she professionally fights other people." >> well, she competes in brazilian ju jitsu. she trains in mixed martial arts. but, basically she only eats animal protein. so in the refrigerator, is stacks of, you know, steaks, chops, meat. so, you know, my daughter has that sort of weird role models. but she finds her way to interesting stuff, i don't lead her to it and say "will you try this?" >> seth: yeah, that's good. that seems like the right thing to do as a dad. i feel like if you give your kids hamburgers and hot dogs, you're doing your job as an american. >> well, she's doing martial arts as well. the two of them go off and spend about -- my wife spends about three hours a day, six days a week. my daughter about six hours a week. so, look --

>> seth: i would recommend you give them whatever they ask for. [ laughter ] >> i live with two women, both of whom could kick the crap out of me. let's put it this way -- i think as a parent, it's my responsibility. the best i could do is to raise a healthy kid, a happy kid, with high self-esteem and the ability when little timmy pulls her hair in class, to kick the crap out of him. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: there you go. i have a lot of confidence that it will happen. anthony bourdain, everyone. you can you watch the third season of "anthony bourdain: parts unknown" sundays on cnn. we'll be right back with colin quinn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ when was the last time your wireless company made you feel like this? or this? the new cricket wireless believes you should be doing... a lot more of this.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everyone. our next guest tonight is a comedian who's currently on tour performing his one-man show, "unconstitutional." please welcome our good friend, colin quinn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: it's so good to see you.

thank you so much for being here. >> oh, thank you for having me on. >> seth: it's great to have you. now, you have this show -- >> that sound of little phony to you, when i said that? >> seth: it looks like you're serving me papers. >> i'm like "oh, thanks." this is from the -- it's like those jewish remarks in the beginning of the show. [ laughter ] >> that's how they treat you as an irish guy -- >> seth: oh, that's how they get you. now, what made you do a show about the constitution? why did you decide to address this as a topic? >> um, because i never really -- i never really understood why everybody thought it was such a brilliant document. everybody who doesn't get along, left, right -- the whole country doesn't agree on anything, but they all love the constitution. so i said i'll do a show about it, and try change that. make everyone hate it. [ laughter ] >> seth: when you do a show, because again, i think when you say the left and the right -- certain people love parts of the constitution, other people love other parts. when you tour this around the whole country -- >> right. >> seth: are there different parts of the country that respond differently? >> yeah, like the second

amendment in the south, they just look at me like, "where are you going with it." you know what i mean? in the north, they get touchy about the president, when i talk about president obama. you know, it depends where you are. >> seth: right. >> everyone's got their little, uh -- what do you call it? chivalettes? i don't think that's the right word. [ laughter ] >> seth: but it is still what i call it. >> it's such a big word i figured everybody would be like "i don't know what it means, but it's close enough." >> seth: now, this is love because this is true. people -- and sometimes people come up do you with ideas. and someone after one of your shows approached you with an idea. and that's -- >> people come up -- these people came up to me after the show. good looking couple. it's not like a sex story or anything. they come up and hand me this folder. they go "when you have a chance, get back to us when you can." they're not in show business, but they have this idea for qvc for me. they don't work for qvc, right? they drove an hour, nice people, seem normal. here's how they schmooze me. it's a yoga thing. like a regular guy like me. regular guy, yoga guy. only for qvc, right?

sounds like, not the worst idea. not that i would need them to come up with that idea, right? here's how they're going to charm me into doing it. this is my -- they wrote this dialogue for me to speak. this is the yoga tape. hi, guys. to the audience here. all right, i know what you're thinking, what's a middle-aged, irish guy who has hair that looks like it was swiped off a sweaty 10-year-old on ritalin who believes no one will notice his paunch if he wears oversized shirts that look like rejects from an '80s resale shop -- [ laughter ] -- and who talks like he's got a mouth full of oreos which, in fact, usually happens to be the case. [ laughter ] what's a guy like that doing teaching yoga of all things and why should i listen to such an ugly, out of shape bastard anyway? it goes on. this is their -- they thought i was going to read this. and go, "i got to call these people." [ laughter ] >> seth: it's nice that they made the effort. i like their --

and then we'll print it up, and we'll get it. honey, get me an envelope. a nice manila envelope. >> they're like, "hey, say it in his voice, what do you think about this?" we call him an ugly, out of shape bastard. >> seth: oh, he'll love that. he'll love that. >> my people. >> seth: they're your people? what's wrong with the political climate in our country right now, in your opinion? >> um, well, i just feel like the left and right are both, you know -- just everybody's just down the line hyper -- like there's no middle ground. like somebody like me who's pro-gun, pro-gay marriage, pro-choice, pro-death penalty. anti-overcrowding would be that platform. [ laughter ] you know. so, you know, everybody's always like, nobody's -- you can't really have opinions that fluctuate from your party. >> seth: and as much as people talk about the constitution, have you found -- do you think a lot of people have actually read it? >> yeah, it's only four pages. so, i mean, so a lot of people have read it. but it's like the bible, everyone takes it and twists it to what they want it to mean.

but that's what it's supposed to be anyway. >> seth: you are -- moving on real quick. you're one of my favorite people on twitter. i feel like you tweet to make people -- a lot of people tweet to make people happy. i think you tweet to make people very frustrated. you tweet in a tone that i feel like people don't believe is sincere. >> it's ridiculous. >> seth: like, for instance, these are recent tweets. thought for the day, wouldn't this world be better if all the banks were comedy clubs and currency was laughter? [ laughter ] >> i think it's a -- >> seth: i don't know, it doesn't seem like -- >> that was from this morning. beautiful day, spring. >> seth: here's another one. funny, we take the train to the gym, but then we train at the gym. i don't know, there's something there. [ laughter ] you don't want to do the work. you made the observation. >> there's too much irony in the world today. i like to get sincere once in a while. >> seth: yeah, sincere. now, this, i'm going to bring

going this up, because this is from 2012. but -- because you involved me in it, and i feel like i have the right to bring this up. eddie murphy and brett ratner pulled out of hosting and producing the oscars, and you took to twitter on behalf of us to replace them. >> right, i was going to be the writer, you were the performer. >> seth: yes. and i should say this is right around the jerry sandusky/penn state scandal. >> that's tragic. >> seth: that was tragic. yet you tweeted, first you opened -- just got news about eddie murphy dropping out. i'm here, seth meyers is here, what the eff? is there problem i don't know about? you couldn't believe they didn't want us to do it. >> yeah. >> seth: then you started tweeting ideas. i have seth meyers come out wearing joe paterno glasses. oh, sorry, i'm looking for sandusky, is this the kids choice awards? [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] >> they hijacked my account that day. >> seth: no, i don't think. because you followed it up immediately. you predicted correctly, because, much like our audience, you wrote -- then if the audience starts

booing, it sets off a sensor that releases a bunch of tomatoes from the ceiling that ruins everybody's outfits. >> yeah. well, i actually -- it's funny you bring that up, because i'm thinking for this show, you want to get a viral video. hot viral videos. nobody watches shows, they watch it the next day on youtube. so, i was thinking, you should have things that you don't know, accidental things on show. the writers should be taking care of this. but, you know, i'll be glad to. [ laughter ] you could have like -- you know how baby videos are hot? >> seth: yeah. >> you get real -- the babies from those videos, and you interview them. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> same with cats. you know, bring a cat out. talk to the owner, obviously. can't talk to a cat. >> seth: you can't talk about a baby either. hold on. how come you have all the logic on the cats. the baby's just loose. i just got a loose baby here? >> yeah, it would be funny to say, baby -- you're like "hey, come on." [ laughter ] well, you do stuff -- provocative stuff. you have the security have all the ushers in like, nazi arm bands one day.

and you don't know about it. you're like, "hey, what are you wearing those for?" and it goes viral the next day. >> seth: it goes viral. i think that you think viral is like, a synonym for good. i don't think it's always -- [ laughter ] i think things can go viral in a bad way. >> i'll tell what you i'd really like to talk about tonight. fred, okay? fred? fred? where's fred, you know? oh, he's not here. okay. show's been on for like three, four years, so i guess -- oh, no, it's been on for like a couple months. >> seth: yeah. >> fred just takes off whenever he wants. it's like, well, he's shooting a series too. that's fine. he's not at the series. he's at the stupid moontower festival where i'm going tomorrow in austin. what kind of a -- you got to start cracking the whip around here. [ applause ] david letterman didn't give paul schaffer a day off til, like five years. >> seth: that's very good. i think i may want to bring you on in some sort of producorial capacity. you've had nothing but good ideas since you came out here. >> thank you. >> seth: colin quinn, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the great colin quinn.

check out "unconstitutional." and catch colin at the moontower comedy festival in austin, texas, april 24th to 26th. we'll be right back with music from paramore. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] the harshness of the sun,

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my next guests are a platinum-selling rock band whose latest self-titled album debuted at number one on the billboard charts. here to perform "ain't it fun", please welcome, paramore. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ well i don't mind letting you down easy but just give it time if it don't hurt ♪ ♪ then just wait just wait a while you're not the big fish in the pond no more ♪ ♪ you are what they're feeding on so what are you gonna do when the world don't orbit around you ♪ ♪ ain't it fun

living in the real world ain't it good being all alone ♪ ♪ ♪ where you're from you might be the one who's running things ♪ ♪ well you can ring anybody's bell and get what you want see it's easy to ignore trouble ♪ ♪ when you're living in a bubble so what are you gonna do when the world don't orbit ♪ ♪ around you whoa oh oh ah ah ah ♪ ♪ so what are you gonna do when nobody wants to fool with you oh oh ah ah ah ♪ ♪ ain't it fun living in the real world

ain't it good being all alone ♪ ♪ ain't it good to be on your own ain't it fun you can't count on no one ♪ ♪ ain't it good to be on your own ain't it fun you can't count on no one ♪ ♪ ain't it fun yeah, living in the real world ♪ ♪ ♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪ ♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪ ♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪

♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪ ♪ ain't it fun ain't it fun well baby now you're one of us ♪ ♪ ain't it fun ain't it fun ain't it fun ain't it fun ♪ ♪ living in the real world ain't it good ain't it good being all alone ♪ ♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪ ♪ don't go crying to your mama cause you're on your own in the real world ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> seth: that was great! paramore! "ain't it fun" is available now, and you can see them on tour with fall out boy. for tour dates, go to paramore.net. and stay tuned for more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ turn around ♪ every now and then i get a little bit hungry ♪ ♪ and there's nothing really good around ♪ ♪ turn around ♪ every now and then i get a little bit tired ♪ ♪ of living off the taste of the air ♪ ♪ turn around, barry ♪ finally, i have a manly chocolatey snack ♪ ♪ and fiber so my wife won't give me any more flack ♪ ♪ i finally found the right snack ♪

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to anthony bourdain, colin quinn. once again, paramore. and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey everybody. welcome to another edition of "last call." i'm carson daly. we're here in new york city at evr and we have a fine one for you tonight. the music of albert hammond jr. is coming up on the show. so is brent morin in our comedy spotlight. but right now we carve some time out to meet terence winter, whose words paved the way for some epic scenery chewing in the oscar-nominated film "the wolf of wall street." we recently sat down with him to talk all about it. take a look. >> all i wanted to do was be a writer. and my standards for taking a job early on in my career were very high. you had to ask me, "do you want this job?"