tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 28, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to seth rogen, matt bomer, coldplay. pcpc fantastic. zac efron, also the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, matt lauer and savannah guthrie, scientist bill nye,
matt walsh, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. [ cheers and applause ] i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] are we well? is everyone well? all right. we begin tonight with donald sterling. i don't know if you guys have been following the whole donald sterling thing. the nba announced this afternoon that clippers owner donald sterling has been banned for life from any nba event. [ cheers and applause ] banned for life from any nba event. and you can probably guess who he's blaming.
[ laughter ] the nba laid out his punishment which will include the lifetime ban from the nba, a $2.5 million fine, and two free throws. [ laughter ] very serious. sterling couldn't be reached for comment because he's not super psyched about the phone right now. [ light laughter ] i'm pretty sure he's answering the phone, this is donald sterling and i love black people. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is kinda nice, yeah. if i were him, that's what i'd be doing. this is kinda nice. in honor of arbor day, the online pornography site pornhub has announced for every 100 videos watched, they'll plant a tree. [ laughter ] which means we have about a week before the entire surface of the earth is covered in trees.
[ laughter and applause ] very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] they're calling the promotion "get wood to give wood." [ laughter and applause ] this story is crazy. a large budweiser blimp was reported to be floating somewhere above new jersey after it broke loose over the weekend. which brings new jersey's total of out of control blimps to two. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is fascinating. a cosmetic doctor is claiming that he can use a thread made of polyactic acid to lift facial features, in a new procedure that would replace botox. botox users are jumping for joy because jumping's the only way they can express emotion. [ laughter and applause ]
[ laughter ] not sure what to make of this. nine students, nine students at the university of illinois were diagnosed with mumps after they came back from spring break. which is probably the best thing you can be diagnosed with after spring break. [ laughter ] oh, this is mumps? oh, thank god. [ laughter ] oh, thank god. [ applause ] a cafe in japan has begun letting diners sit with gigantic stuffed animals to reduce discomfort about eating alone. [ laughter ] so it turns out there is something sadder than just eating alone. [ laughter ] you know, i think i'm done but paddington will have another vodka soda. [ light laughter ]
frontier airlines has announced new plans to make customers pay for advanced seat assignments and to use the overhead bins. frontier passengers applauded the move since you actually get way more leg room if you sit in the overhead bin. [ laughter ] oh, good news, honey, we're in an exit bin. [ laughter ] i read today that a new york man is being sued for a quarter million dollars after his ex-girlfriend claims he harassed her with nearly 100 e-mails. and if 100 e-mails are worth a quarter million dollars that means crate and barrel owes me $256 billion. [ laughter ] yes! [ cheers and applause ] you will be hearing from my lawyers. mr. crate and mr. barrel. [ light laughter ] donald crate and jeffrey barrel.
proprietors of crate and barrel. and finally tonight, good news for foodie dominique ansel, the creator of the cronut, has created a new dessert, a waffle made out of ice cream and topped with a maple syrup espresso called the waffogato. it's all part of his plan to create a new disease called dia-obesity. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are we doing, 8g band? are you good over there? fred, it's such a delight to have you here with us this week. >> fred: so happy. >> seth: we missed you so much last week. >> fred: i missed you. i really did. >> seth: and we really missed you. something you missed, i don't know if you heard this but it was announced last week, you weren't here, the i'm gonna be hosting the emmy awards. [ cheers and applause ] >> fred: that's great.
i heard. i was so happy for you. >> seth: and thank you so much. i'm so excited about it. and yet here's the thing. i sometimes feel like i ask you questions and then you just make something up on the spot. [ laughter ] so i just want to ask you this. are you also hosting an awards show? >> fred: i am. [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't have to say that if it's not true. if you're just saying it because i'm hosting the emmy's, you don't have to say that. >> fred: i promise you. it is the "hay awards." [ light laughter ] >> seth: the "hay awards." >> fred: yeah. like hay, you know, like bales of hay. [ light laughter ] so you know, farmers around the country and around the world have those cubes, those rectangles of hay that they pile on top of each other? >> seth: sure, i know -- i'm sorry. let me just -- i know everything you're telling me about hay. [ laughter ] i don't know anything about the "hay awards." i can't even imagine how they work. >> fred: well, the awards ceremony is for the farmers who have stacked them the highest.
you know what i'm saying? [ light laughter ] so who has the highest stacks of those rectangle things of hay? >> seth: it seems like this ceremony only has one award. [ laughter ] >> fred: yes and no, but we still build it up and we have runners up and everything and we just show the people who are trying their best. >> seth: do they do the hay actually there on site or is it photos of the hay from like the whole course of the year? >> fred: from the course of the year. >> seth: so there is no actual, you don't get to see, if you go you don't get to see stacks of hay? >> fred: no, no. the theater's too small for that. [ light laughter ] >> seth: where do they hold the "hay awards?" >> fred: at the mclellan theater on 14th street. >> seth: 14th street in new york city? >> fred: no. in milwaukee. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's great. and how small a theater is it? >> fred: it is 11 seats, think. [ laughter ] but it's a beautiful theater. an old theater. it is so pretty. a beautiful old, beautiful theater. [ light laughter ]
>> seth: and has this event gone on for many years the haw awards? >> fred: no. [ light laughter ] this is the second year. the first year got canceled. [ laughter ] so the second one is back on. >> seth: well fingers crossed that the "hay awards" go off. i'm so excited for you. give it up for fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] host of the second annual "hay awards." so this story yesterday, amy poehler, my dear friend amy poehler was in town in town. she was in new york city. we went out to dinner two weeks ago and when the bill came we each paid with our credit cards. we split the bill. and my, the bills came back. we took our credit cards and i was paying for dinner a couple nights ago and i look at the credit card. i have amy's credit card. we had taken each other credit cards. so i contact her and i let her know we have each other's credit card. the first thing she does, is she texts me, "i just bought a boat." [ laughter ] and we make a plan and the plan is, i am going to put her credit card and the money i spent on
dinner into an envelope and have it messenger to her apartment and then she will in turn have my credit card in an envelope for the messenger to bring it back to me. the messenger comes back, no, there is nothing for me. instead, poehler an hour later texts me a photo of herself holding the money and both credit cards -- [ cheers and applause ] -- with the hashtag upperhand. [ light laughter ] so she has the upper hand on me now. so i don't even know if i'm ever getting my credit card back. if there is anyone i trust with it, it is not amy poehler. [ laughter ] we have such a great show for you tonight. the co-hosts of nbc's "today," matt lauer and savannah guthrie are here. [ cheers and applause ] very good friends of the show. also joining us, scientist bill nye. [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. and from hbo's "veep" the very funny matt walsh. [ cheers and applause ]
it's gonna be a great show. very smart people here tonight. we'll be right back with more "late night" right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ going to college is a big... commitment. so when you earn your bachelor's or master's degree... ...at devry university or its keller graduate school of management, we promise you... ...care and attention, an education that helps prepare you for a real career... ...and now, the devry university fixed tuition promise. lock-in your tuition rate through graduation. even if tuition increases year-to-year... ...your rate stays the same. that's our promise. and the kind of commitment, ...your commitment deserves, classes start july 7. learn more at devry.edu.
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instruments. you all switched instruments. >> fred: yes, we did. >> seth: you have to let me know. >> fred: we're sorry. >> seth: there's like a million forms i have to fill out when you do that. [ laughter ] >> fred: we're sorry. >> seth: there's so many legal ramifications. insurance. you're not insured for drums. >> fred: you're right. [ laughter ] i'm so sorry. >> seth: that's all right. no, i'm very impressed. i'm impressed that you guys can all play different instruments. again, you guys are the best. >> fred: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: but again, you have to let me know. [ applause ] i don't know if you guys are familiar with these dog shaming websites? has anyone ever seen these dog shaming websites? [ applause ] well, the way they work is people take a picture of their dog looking guilty next to a little sign that says what the dog did. here's an example. "i peed on the couch 15 minutes after uncle michael took me out." [ laughter ] that's cute, right? here's another one. "i rip the mail right out of the mail slot." [ laughter ] adorable, but these are minor offenses. after searching around the internet we found some websites featuring dogs that have done much, much worse things. we'd like to show them to you in
a segment we're calling "extreme dog shaming." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: extreme indeed. so let's take a look at our first dog. he looks pretty cute. i can't imagine, yeah, i can't imagine he would do anything too bad. "i started seeing lisa before i broke up with jennifer." [ laughter ] hey, you can't do that, man. even if things aren't going so hot with jennifer, she loves you and you owed it to her to be honest. bad dog. [ laughter ] this next little puppers, it looks like he knows he did something bad. and that's right, i did say puppers. let's see what he did. "i start rumors about celebrities being dead when i know they're alive." [ laughter and applause ] so that's how i heard sinbad died. you were a bad dog. [ applause ] a very bad dog. here's a little puggle. what could he have done? "i made you feel guilty for not attending my improv show even though i never support anything you do." [ laughter ]
that's the problem with artistic dogs, they're narcissists. [ laughter ] here's a cute dachshund. i love dachshunds. he looks pretty innocent to me. [ audience aws ] "i provided the state department with false talking points on benghazi." [ laughter ] bad dog, but also, state department, why are you listening to a dog? [ laughter ] and why is a dog operating at such a high government level? or a low one for that matter. in fact, why is a dog talking in the first place? [ laughter ] dogs shouldn't talk. especially not about benghazi. [ laughter ] when you draw a line, that's where you draw it. let's see what this next dog has to say. aww, what a cute little guy. [ audience aws ] let's see what he says. "i stare at you when you have sex because i know it weirds you out." [ laughter and applause ] you're a freak, cute dog! you're a freak! [ applause ] you know what? the creepy thing is maybe the owner likes it. you might not know. [ laughter ] who do we got next? labs.
labs are the best. such great companions. let's see, "i blew my grandmother's inheritance on an amphibious hovercraft." [ laughter ] i'll be honest, that sounds pretty kick ass to me. you have nothing to apologize for. i blew my grandmother's inheritance on jet skis and it was the best decision i ever made. [ laughter ] jet skis plural. one to just sit in the water and the other to do doughnuts around it. let's look at the next one. oh, he's adorable. let's see. "i voted against the 1964 civil rights act." [ laughter ] well, to be fair, before we judge, a lot of congressmen at the time didn't vote for it and then they all came around and they'd do it again. [ laughter ] all right. well then that's just a racist dog. and an old one. if he voted on the civil rights act, that dog's like 370 years old in dog years. what kind of dog was that, any way? oh, yeah, it's a donald sterling terrier. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
all right. who do we have here? oh, i love a nice lazy dog. let's see what he's doing. "i'm currently letting my owner drown." [ laughter ] i guess there are some dogs who dial 911 and then there are other dogs who don't. all right, who's next here? wait a minute. oh, this is my dog, frisbee. frisbee, what did you do? "i wanted neil patrick harris to host the emmys again." [ applause ] et too, frisbee. [ applause ] we'll be back with matt lauer and savannah guthrie! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ wondering what that is? that, my friends, is everything. and with the quicksilver card from capital one, you earn unlimited 1.5% cash back on everything you purchase. not just "everything at the hardware store."
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>> seth: thank you, thank you, guys! >> hi! >> seth: it's so lovely to see you both at a reasonable hour. >> i know. >> seth: it's so great. now, thank you for showing up. there was a time where i was slotted to be on the "today" show and i overslept. >> you've been blacklisted. >> seth: yeah, i was blacklisted. [ laughter ] >> you didn't show up. >> seth: i didn't show up. i got a phone call from lauren roseman, who's publicist here, and she's like, "you're supposed to be on the 'today' show in 15 minutes." and i did that thing where i jumped out of bed as if i'd be able to make it. [ laughter ] i looked at myself like, i'm not gonna make it. >> have you noticed we haven't called you since then? >> yeah. >> seth: yes, i have noticed. >> yes, exactly. >> seth: by the way, boo-hoo! [ laughter ] every day i sleep in i'm like, i could be talking on a --with crazy people around me. not you guys. >> none taken. >> seth: there are a lot of very intense "today" show fans who surround you on the plaza. have you ever read any crazy signs? has there ever been anything super crazy? >> "moon me matt." >> seth: "moon me, matt." >> "moon me matt, which i did.
>> that is crazy. he doesn't really need a lot of encouragement. >> seth: what time do you guys have to start your day? you start at 7:00 a.m. on camera, so -- >> i get up at 3:00 in the morning, which is crazy. >> seth: right when hoda and kathie lee are rolling in. >> exactly. [ laughter ] exactly. that's when their tweets are like blah. [ laughter ] so i get all my studying done. and then matt has to get up like 2:00 for your hair and make-up. [ laughter ] >> mostly hair. i get up at four. i like to do the homework the night before and then i go in and king of just have coffee and doughnuts and things like that. she does it the morning of. >> seth: all right, well, that's nice. two different approaches. now, so many things to congratulate you on. married. announced you're pregnant. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations. and just took a delayed honeymoon. how was all that? >> oh, it was great. it was wonderful. we went to the beach. you know, it was like letting it all hang out. big boobs now. [ laughter ] >> you should see her in the make-up room now. she literally sits in the chair
and all she does is stare at her own boobs. [ laughter ] >> i mean, look at it. it's outta control. i don't know what to do with them. >> seth: eventually i think their purpose will reveal themselves. [ laughter ] >> i think so. yes. i think it's momentary, so enjoy it while it lasts. >> seth: you guys were at the olympics this summer. >> yeah. >> seth: i ran into you in london two years ago and it's like the happiest i've ever seen any of you guys. because doing the "today" show in london with a five-hour time difference. it was like a totally human time to do it. >> same thing in sochi. >> seth: yeah. >> it was like the middle of the afternoon. >> but it was a nine-hour time difference. >> right, it was great. >> seth: you're in sochi. [ laughter ] >> we managed to have fun though. we did a lot of -- we sampled the local delicacies. i will say that until i realized savannah was pregnant, we were doing vodka shots quite a bit. we had a guy -- >> not me. >> no, not her. we had a guy in a restaurant teach us how to do vodka shots the way the military does it. you put them on your elbow and you bring the shot up here and if you spill any you have to do
another. so we were doing it in a restaurant and i noticed that savannah was faking it the entire time. so i got home and the light bulb went on, and being 2014 you do what you do in 2014. instead of going over and knocking on her door and kindly saying, is there any chance you're pregnant? i texted her. i texted her, "are you pregnant?" and i got this very curt message back like, "yes, shut up, don't tell anybody." >> no, what i said was how can you ask me that when putin is listening to us? [ laughter ] >> true. >> like, where's your operational security? >> seth: some very interesting intelligence. >> for the whole rest of the trip, every time we would go out with the crew and we would all get vodka, she would very quietly and subtly slip me the vodka that she was supposed to drink. she owes me a liver. [ laughter ] >> seth: so she was pregnant but you were drinking hers too. >> i was smashed. >> exactly. >> seth: now you guys have been co-anchoring together for two years now. about? a little over? >> yeah. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: and what have you learned about each other in the last two years? >> i learned that matt is --
>> seth: and savannah, i don't really want to hear -- [ laughter ] >> well it's just funny about matt. because he is very sophisticated and suave. but what you don't know about him -- and he is a very modern guy, but he -- >> seth: he texted you you were pregnant, so we all know how modern he is. >> but texting is actually the outer limits of his technical abilities. and every morning before the show i'm like the i.t. department. he's like, "why are these wireless networks keep popping up?" i'm like, hand it over. he's a total luddite. he thinks the internet is a passing fancy. >> i actually by mistake texted four other people "are you pregnant?" in sochi before i got to savannah. [ laughter ] >> seth: al roker is like, "do you know how the human body works?" it's ridiculous. it's a stupid question. >> i'll tell you what i've learned about her. i've been trying to help her. i have three kids so i've been trying to help her with things like nannies, referrals. and as a result of doing the nanny thing one time, we ended up in a conversation that no co-hosts should ever have where it evolved into her telling me
her fears about breast feeding. [ laughter ] i mean, with all the anatomy, i'm afraid that he/she won't latch on. and i'm like -- i'm doing like the 3 year-old. la la la la! [ laughter ] >> this is all on text again. and then at the end, you know, matt's lying dying a thousand deaths. and i'm like, i love it when we can talk like girlfriends. [ laughter ] >> seth: well i think i read something, if they're not latching on you just turn them counter clockwise. [ laughter ] and you hear it click. when you hear it click, they're on. >> i'm going to stick with matt's advice if you don't mind. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: obviously, the "today show -- this is a late night comedy show. the "today" show is a news program but this morning you guys were having a conversation with your affiliate and we have tape of this because i want you to explain how this happened on your news program. >> it needs explaining. >> this little piggy went to
market, this little piggy stayed home. >> nasty. >> this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none. and this little piggy cried, "wee, wee, wee" all the way home! >> well, we can't top that. >> does somebody have purell? [ laughter ] >> actually, i take it back. it doesn't need explaining. >> it doesn't. [ laughter and applause ] >> matt's been washing his hands like lady macbeth. >> seth: i saw that this morning. i went back, this afternoon, i came back for the show and you were still purelling. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: why were you doing "little piggy?" >> michael giardullo, who's the local anchor on the early morning news here on wnyc, one of the nicest guys in the world. i was watching the show this morning and i happened to hear, someone made a reference to "this little piggy" and he had no idea what it was. he said, "i've never heard that." i thought, nobody who was born on this earth hasn't heard "this little piggy." >> matt told me right before the show, i'm gonna give michael a hard time. he's never heard of "this little piggy."
i was like, what? and so he said, "so get ready to give me your hand." i'm like, i got a better idea. [ laughter ] so we -- >> she puts her pregnancy-swollen feet up there. [ laughter ] >> i know it would be attractive, and obviously they look great. >> you've heard of it, right? i mean, you know it? >> seth:i've heard of it. i figured he probably has like, webbed toes or something. for some reason his parents like kept it away from him. [ laughter ] >> savannah will do it for you if you want to put the foot up on the desk. >> seth: no, i think i remember it. i think i remember it. >> but i mean, doesn't everyone kind of want to see seth's toes? [ applause ] >> seth: oh, my toes? my toes are in shoes and socks. you don't want to get them out. [ applause ] >> we have time. >> seth: well, you know what? after the show we'll go backstage. you can take a photo and text it to everybody. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you guys so much being on. it's a delight to have you. and thank you again for showing up. matt lauer and savannah guthrie, everyone. watch "today" weekday mornings beginning at 7:00 a.m. here on nbc. we'll be right back with bill nye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> fabulous. >> seth: it's such an honor to have you on the show. all right. >> i love you, man! wo-man! >> seth: such a fan base. we had neil degrasse tyson on the show -- and he told a wonderful story about how you guys took a selfie together with president obama. is this -- this is true. show us a picture. but it seems like you're the hero of the story. >> well, cheah! [ laughter ] no. it would be fun, no. just neil -- no was going to make the ask. >> seth: right. >> okay? now, you guys, there really is a green room. there really is a gold room. there's a blue room. like, these are real things. so neil's looking over here and you can see the president of the united states over there. and he's coming this way and
neil -- neil -- neil is facing -- he's got the phone and he's going get the light. and he's -- he's thinking about how it's going to go. and he's got it all worked out. then he takes his phone and the memory is full. [ laughter ] so i took the -- i took the selfie. >> seth: you were the guy. >> yeah because i -- would say that i've done it a great deal. it's become a thing! >> seth: taking selfies. people approach you for selfies all the time, yeah? >> yeah. all the time. i mean, not all the time. [ light laughter ] there's sometimes -- >> seth: i mean, it hasn't happened once since we've been talking. >> you're right. >> seth: no. >> for example -- i actually -- somebody almost -- that aside. the only time, everybody, if you can avoid it, if i'm -- diffusing a bomb. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's not a good time. >> yeah. that's probably not good. i don't do it that much. but it would just take one. >> that would be the wrong time. now you and neil degrasse tyson, you actually hang out. you two are friends. >> oh, yeah. we really do. >> seth: that's so -- so exciting to hear. >> he's just a dear friend of mine. and we spend a lot of time together.
we -- maybe drink some wine and -- talk about women and -- [ laughter ] it's good. he's a pure prince. >> seth: that's like, oh my god. >> but we also talk about -- >> seth: i would imagine if you're in a bar, "i have bill nye and neil degrasse tyson. i'm going to go over and hear the keys to the universe." and then come back and be like, "they're talking about ladies." [ laughter ] >> there's a lot of keys to the universe. >> seth: yeah, that's true. >> by that i mean, neil and i talk about astrophysics and space exploration -- quite a bit. we're just trying to change the world here, people. >> seth: that's great. [ cheers and applause ] now -- you're very accomplished. a very eclectic career. bill nye the science guy. but you also, for a while, you were applying to nasa every year. is this true? >> oh, yeah. i'm going to say it was four times -- to be an astronaut. >> seth: right. >> i mean, i didn't just apply to nasa, like, as an engineer which would be - - >> seth: you went -- you went straight to the astronaut. did you have to write essays? like, what do you do to be an astronaut? >> i think flying in space would be fun. no, you have to be -- [ laughter ] no.
i'm a mechanical engineer. well, i'm human but i pitched them on using my engineering background to be a missions specialist. when i was doing the science guy show many years ago, i was -- at the height of my powers -- in terms of motion sickness. >> seth: okay. gotcha. >> spent a lot of time on rafts talking to camera on boats, upside down in fighter planes and i just got where i seldom, seldom got motion sick. i don't know if i still have that but -- >> seth: that' great. >> anyway -- >> seth: you thought, "might as well be an astronaut." >> i figured that's the answer. [ light laughter ] >> seth: sure. >> but now, the people become astronauts. seth, it's like, they're such overachievers. [ laughter ] how many ph.d.s do you have? a, 100 to 300? [ laughter ] b, 300 to a thousand. it's like, "who are these people?" and they find them and they get jobs. but -- we're all hoping, may i say, in the space exploration community, that some of you will
fly in space and go to some new place. some extraordinary deep space place and ultimately we want to put people on mars because people are the best explorers we know. if we were to find, i know want to say something. >> seth: no. i want to hear something. [ laughter ] >> you'll fit right in. if we were to nd evidence of life on mars, it would change the world. now, these people who want to go live there. i'm not one of those people. >> seth: got it. >> if you want to go -- everybody, if you want to go live on mars, just start with antarctica, okay? [ laughter ] go there for a couple years and no -- look. no candy ass thing where you're sitting, where you're near the shore. okay? where the birds -- the penguins are flying up and the ships are jumping, the orca are eating the peguin. no, you go to the dry valleys where it hasn't snowed or rained in centuries. >> seth: yeah. >> and see what you think. 20 below at noon. >> seth: i'll see you at spring break. [ laughter ] >> we -- >> seth: we've got a deal. >> the science people, we party. yeah.
by the way, you would be cheating because you can breathe. on mars you can't even do that. okay. lead on. sorry. >> seth: i like that somehow you thought before you came out, we were like, "we with should go to live on mars." [ laughter and applause ] >> no, there are people out there. >> seth: yeah. >> no, you're out there. don't fool with me. >> seth: now another kind of person that's out there are creationists. and recently, you have been debating creationists. >> well, one. >> seth: you debated one. >> ken ham who founded the creation "museum in kentucky", right? [ laughter ] which has -- had a fair amount of dinosaurs in the museum, right? >> that eat coconuts. >> seth: the dinosaurs do? >> yeah because those teeth that you see is like the american museum natural history here in new york or the smithsonian in washington. london. those teeth are, were -- they were vegetarians. >> seth: yeah. >> until 6,000 years ago. >> seth: right. >> did not know that. >> seth: did not know that. that's very exciting. but you -- now, some people in science have criticized you. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: because they say when you debate a creationist, you're bringing attention -- just as much attention to their point of view as your point of view. like, how do you -- what is approach? why do you debate someone like
ken ham? >> the reason i took it on was is first of all, say to my colleagues -- academic colleagues -- about criticizing me for taking this on. they'll say, "you may be right." but -- i don't think so. i think in the next few years -- [ laughter ] no, the reason i did it. i mean, you don't do it unless you believe you're going to do okay, right? or do a good thing -- generally, i know you guys all have a crush on "the sopranos" or whatever, but that's not my style. so -- anyway, we want to raise awareness of science literacy. specifically in this case, science illiteracy. striking science illiteracy. and the reason i bring this up -- you can hate me, you can hate everything but science, education, is what leads to innovators. so if it leads to that kooky internet that the kids use, their electric computer machines. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] and -- the facebooking and the tweeting and the instagraming, all that would not exist without our understanding of science. in this case, electronics and physics.
and then we would not be able to feed this many people around the world without science. so this is deeply important to me and i hope that in the coming years, awareness will be raised. and we -- voters and taxpayers will not let -- these people, these extraordinary -- well, wrong views about nature not be allowed -- to try to get on school boards. >> seth: well, i really -- [ cheers and applause ] on behalf of all of us, i really appreciate your efforts. >> well, thank you. >> seth: i think it's just great. >> you're not -- you think it was okay that i did it? >> seth: i think it was great that you did it. and i hope that one day science will advance to the place where we can all watch "the sopranos" on mars. [ laughter ] bill nye, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] bill nye! check out his live shows. and look out for his book on evolution in the fall. i cannot wait for that. we'll be right back with matt walsh. ♪ what does that do?
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fourth season. let's take a look. >> please, jonah, i'm begging. please. don't run with the story. >> now, we're begging? what do you want me to do? juggle? do you want me to dance? >> actually, you know what? sing me a song. just -- spin me a little dial on radio -- see what it lands on. >> really? >> mm-hmm. >> i don't know if -- goober peas. >> i have no [ bleep ] idea what that is. >> the old civil war song. >> for real? >> yeah. >> perfect. so your history lesson. hit me up. you want me to count you in? >> no. >> five, six, seven, eight. ♪ when a horseman passes soldiers have a rule they cry out their loudest "mister where's your mule" ♪ >> put a twang in it. c'mon. ♪ but another pleasure more enchanting'er than me is wearing out your grinders eating goober peas ♪ >> play the banjo. ♪ peas peas peas peas eating goober peas eating goober peas ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: please welcome the very funny matt walsh.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth:i'm so happy to have you here. >> it's a delight and congratulations on your own show. >> seth: thank you very much. >> starting your open thing. i think that's awesome. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's really fun to have it. and congratulations on season four of "veep." you just found out? >> yes, sir. >> seth: that's really exciting as well. >> yeah. >> seth: this show -- very much about the dysfunction of washington d.c. >> yes, sir. >> seth: very much -- focuses on the minutiae and it seems to me that you believe that it is more accurate about d.c. than "house of cards" or "west wing." >> yeah. "west wing" is kind of aspirational. it's sort of "mr. smith goes to washington." "house of cards" is sort of like, almost like james bond conspiracy. and "veep" is like -- hapless people running the government. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> which is sort of true from what we're hearing. >> seth: yeah. >> unfortunately. >> seth: you are -- it's a great cast of hapless folks. >> yeah. >> seth: you guys are very good at doing hapless.
>> we're all hapless. we're all cast for our haplessness. >> seth: it's great. it's very believable haplessness. >> thank you. >> seth: and you -- but you guys have spent a lot of time in d.c. spending time with people who work for the vp's office. >> yeah. >> seth: and how do people in d.c. respond to the show? do they think it's accurate? >> they do. they, they tend to like, call certain moments. "oh, this is a veep moment" or they say, "that guys's a joan" or "that guy's a mike." and the thing i learned, because we do a lot of research, is that -- press secretaries, for example, my job on the show is that you maintain your relationship with the press over the congressmen. >> seth: right. >> so you will sell out the congressmen because you don't know if he'll get reelected. which i thought was -- completely shocking. >> seth: right. it's one of the shocking things that makes total sense, too. >> yeah, it does. >> seth: you go, "oh, right. the survival of the fittest." and you don't want to be -- >> yeah. keep your job. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. the cockroaches survive. >> seth: you get -- [ laughter ] >> seth: that's great. that should be -- >> i don't know what that means but yes. >> that should be on the sign. "welcome to washington d.c." >> "cockroaches survive." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: so -- >> maybe a team? maybe a sports team could be the cockroaches. or the wizards. >> seth: well, i think it's still better than the redskins.
>> yes, it is. >> seth: now, you also just directed a movie. congratulations. >> i did. i did. >> seth: but you finish the movie and then you went to a crowd funding site to raise some more money for the movie. now -- >> it's a true indie. we're keeping it indie so we shot the movie and then ran out of money -- >> seth: mm-hmm. >> which is perfect. >> seth: right. >> so, you have to go out and beg for money. so, we did this site called "indie go-go." and -- to make it fun, i created these free life hacks. so if you were the site -- >> seth: a life hack. is that -- >> a life hack is, like, a way to shortcut life. like, if you lose your cell phone charger, just go to a busy hotel and sort of lie and say, "hey, i -- i left my charger here. i stayed here last night." and they always have a big box. >> seth: perfect. [ laughter ] >> that's a life hack. >> seth: that's like -- so it's like a shortcut. >> it's a shortcut. it's quasi legal and i think it is still ethical. >> seth: right. i don't think it is either of those. [ laughter ] >> i'm going quasi. i'm digging in. yeah. i say you do that. seth: so you post life hacks every day just to give a free life hack. and i use my friends and family to sort of say, "hey, thanks for visiting the site.
here's a free life hack." because the movie's called be "a better you." >> seth: right. >> so it was a way to say, "here. here's a way to be a better you." >> seth: and when you say your family, you used your kids. >> i used -- i exploited my children, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: did they come up with the ideas for the life hacks? >> no. no, i would gather life hacks from friends and then i would tell them what to say and then they would do it. >> seth: we have one here. we're going to show a clip of one of your sons. >> okay. >> seth: doing life hack. >> is it jude, my oldest? >> seth: yes. i think that he explains himself very well in this. >> okay. >> seth: here's jude giving a very helpful life hack. >> okay. >> here's the thing. if you eat cheesy snacks and then your hands get dirty. but if you eat them with chopsticks, it is the easiest thing in the world. [ laughter ] this may be a little hard to do. >> but it keeps your hands clean, right? >> yep. it keep your hands clean.
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i don't know! i'm not quite sure, like, what's meaner. that you, like, used your children to raise money or you gave your son an impossible life hack. >> it's helpful. >> seth: right. >> i ultimately, someone's going to learn from that. somebody who's a professional handshaker will see that and go, "oh, i don't have to get cheese on my hands because i have to shake hands for a living." >> seth: what's worse? someone who shakes hands for a living shaking hands with cheese on their fingers or being in a restaurant and eating cheetos with chopsticks? >> well, they don't serve cheetos with chopsticks in restaurants. [ laughter ] so that's a problem -- unless -- where have you been eating lately? [ laughter ] >> seth: well, you live in l.a. now. you live in l.a. >> mr. meyers walks around with cheetos. looks and goes, "let's go, let's go." [ laughter ] >> seth: what i do -- >> cheetos, mr. meyers. >> seth: i show up ahead of time and i bring my cheetos to the back. >> okay. oh! >> seth: and then when the waiter comes over, i lean and i say, "at some point i'm going to order cheetos." [ laughter ]
>> did you do that on the first date with your wife? >> seth: i did. yes. i said, like, "i'm going get us some cheetos." and she was like, "there are no cheetos in restaurants." [ laughter ] thank you. >> oh, my god. i love this man. >> seth: and then i go, "wait. you don't shake hands." >> you do shake hands for a living. you actually do shake hands for a living. >> seth: because that is how i met my wife. [ laughter ] >> so it is useful. i wasn't exploiting my child. >> seth: you're right. >> case closed. >> seth: you know what? >> kink, kink, kink, kink. >> seth: you're right. you know what? wait. we're good. [ laughter and applause ] matt walsh, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "veep" airs sunday nights on hbo. we'll be right back more "late night." ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: my thanks to matt lauer, savannah guthrie, bill nye and matt walsh. [ cheers and applause ] and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> matt lauer and savannah guthrie went on to quit the "today show" and started their own lawfirm. lauer, guthrie and associates. however, it was later discovered that they never passed the bar exam and were simply
plagiarizing closing summations from john grisham novels. they're currently serving five years in prison for fraud. bill nye went on to finally convince the world that global warming should be taken seriously and saved the entire planet. in the year 2034, earth was renamed the bill nye center for continued existence. [ cheers and applause ] after his interview, matt walsh got lost backstage and was never seen again. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] much to his dog's frisbee's chagrin, seth meyers went on to host the 2014 emmy awards. [ cheers and applause ] during his entrance, he tripped, broke both his ankles, his legs, arms, all his fingers, toes, his neck and even his eyes if you can imagine. it is currently the most watched video in youtube history.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey folks, i'm carson daly, and you're watching "last call," from amp radio here in los angeles. home of my little radio show that i do every day. well, tonight we've got a great show coming up on "last call." we've gothe tv debut of you won't, you'll see them from the troubadour. also, the comedy of jade catta-preta from the ice house. but first we head to the melrose umbrella company to welcome david walton to the nbc family. here is the star of the new comedy "about a boy," which is based on the extremely popular nick hornby novel. and for more let's check in on tonight's "last call spotlight." ♪ >> it's really difficult to