tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC July 26, 2018 12:37am-1:38am PDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- amy poehler, music from fall out boy, featuring the 8g band with nate smith. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth myers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump's former lawyer michael cohen, last night, released a secret recording of a conversation he had with trump in 2016 about paying off a
"playboy" model who claimed to have had an affair with him. "oh, that'll be the end of him," said americans two years ago. and a year and a half ago. and a year ago. and eight months ago. and four months ago. and a hundred other times. [ laughter ] that's right, michael cohen released a recording of a conversation he had with trump about paying off a "playboy" model. and sure, it's lurid because it involves "playboy," but i'm only in it for the articles. [ laughter and applause ] i'm a reader. what can i say? president trump today complained about the release of the secret recording last night on twitter saying, "what kind of lawyer would tape a client, so sad." at which point rudy giuliani slowly hid his tape recorder behind his back. [ laughter and applause ] president trump yesterday told a crowd, quote, "just remember, what you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening." [ light laughter ] which is also his daily affirmation.
[ laughter ] "and don't worry, melania looks at everyone like that." [ laughter ] the national parks service has approved an application for a white civil rights rally in washington, d.c. this august. that should make for some interesting chants. "what do we want! seriously, what do we want? i mean, we're doing pretty great, right? [ laughter ] seems like we shouldn't be having a march." [ light laughter ] president trump's star on the hollywood walk of fame was destroyed today by a man with a pickaxe. and not, as i had assumed, by a woman in a pantsuit. [ laughter and applause ] it was that guy with a pickaxe. a new study has found that only 49% of married woman say they usually orgasm during sex, compared to 87% of men who say the same. raising the question, what the hell are 13% of men doing? [ laughter ] "whelp, that's enough for me. i hate the end part.
[ light laughter ] night night." the -- [ laughter ] the ferrari replica from the movie "ferris bueller's day off" will be up for auction next month. when asked if it was the actual car used in the movie, the auctioneer responded -- ♪ oh yeah ♪ [ laughter ] my favorite joke in the show by a factor of like ten. [ laughter ] finally, ikea has announced plans to test out small-scale stores that could fit more easily into city environments. just as soon as builders can figure out the instructions. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] her competition show, "making it", premieres july 31st on nbc. the one, the only, amy poehler is here tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
how about that? and also music from fall out boy. [ cheers and applause ] so you're here on a fantastic night. before we get to all that good stuff, president trump's personal attorney and fixer has secretly recorded a conversation he had with trump during the campaign about paying hush money to cover up an affair. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: this week we learned that michael cohen, who handled some of trump's most sensitive personal matters, had secret recordings in his possession when the fbi raided his office and home. and it wasn't just one or two recordings, federal prosecutors reportedly obtained 12 audio recordings. 12! they basically came away with an eagle's box set. [ laughter ] and look, you can't be a lawyer in charge of shady business dealings and also record everything. he's like a hitman who decides to wear fingerless gloves. [ laughter ] "i like to leave a calling card on all my victims.
my fingerprints." and yesterday we got to hear for the first time one of those audio recordings. cohen taped a conversation he had with trump just weeks before the election about paying hush money to silence a former playmate trump had an alleged affair with named karen mcdougal. today trump reacted to the news, tweeting, "what kind of a lawyer would tape a client, so sad. is this a first? never heard of it before. why was the tape so abruptly terminated, cut, while i was presumably saying positive things. [ laughter ] i hear there are other clients and many reporters that are taped. can this be so?" can this be so? [ laughter ] trump is so freaked out about the tape that he turned into a southern bell. "taping your clients, my word, can this be so? [ laughter ] oh, cleetus, help me to my fainting couch." also i doubt any reporter is worried about their conversations with cohen being recorded, unless they were writing an article called, "12 ways to pay hush money to a porn star and get caught."
[ laughter ] and what kind of lawyer would tape a client? the kind of lawyer you would hire. [ laughter ] this kind. look at him. he never closes his mouth, because he has a microphone under his tongue. [ laughter and applause ] "what do you think about that boss?" [ laughter ] and let's keep in mind, this is part of a well established pattern. remember, cohen set up a secret shell company to pay off stormy daniels called essential consultants, llc. and today "the wall street journal" reported that cohen set up a separate shell company to buy mcdougal's story. and the name of that shell company was resolution consultants, llc. was cohen naming all of his companies ironically, because he was not essential and he definitely didn't provide any resolution. [ laughter ] he should have named his shell companies this is going to come back to haunt us incorporated. [ laughter ] now the tape starts with cohen and trump having some unrelated conversations about other topics. specifically, they were talking about two right-wing evangelical pastors who endorsed trump during the campaign. >> great poll, by the way.
cnn, great poll. >> making progress. >> big time. >> and your guy is a good guy. >> oh, pastor scott? >> no, pastor scott, what's -- >> oh, no -- no, he's -- >> can we use him anymore? >> oh, yeah 100 -- no -- use 'em all. burns, we've told him -- >> i don't mean that. mark burns, can we use him? >> no, no. >> seth: it's always great when your secret conversation about paying hush money to cover up an affair starts off with a discussion about which pastors you can use for your campaign. [ light laughter ] "first order of business, let's line up the evangelicals. they like me because i'm very religious. second, let's pay off the pornstar in unmarked bills." [ laughter ] the conversation then moved to an attempt by "the new york times" to unseal the court papers from trump's divorce with his first wife, ivana trump. it's clear from the tape that trump wants to make sure the papers stay sealed, but he also seems easily distracted. >> so we got served from "the new york times." i told you this, regarding to unseal the divorce papers with ivana. we're fighting it. kasowitz is going to -- >> they should never be able to
get that done. >> never, never. kasowitz doesn't think they'll ever be able -- they don't have a legitimate -- >> get me a coke, please. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, my god. his lawyer's talking to him about some of his most personal secrets becoming public and he's screaming at someone to get me a coke. [ laughter ] can you imagine him during his intelligence briefings? "mr. president, russia is moving tanks into the ukraine" -- "get me a happy meal!" [ laughter ] and then cohen and trump finally get to the issue at hand, the hush payment. now, this scheme was complicated. basically the chairman of the company that owns the "national enquire" is a trump friend named david pecker, which is a real name and not surprisingly, a nickname trump gave him. [ laughter ] "i'm going to call you david pecker." [ light laughter ] "yeah, that's my name." ig"a rllht." [ laughter ] the "enquire" bought mcdougal's story so they could bury it. it's a practice known as catch and kill. and on the tape, trump and cohen are talking about buying the story from the "enquire." now remember, trump denied this affair happened during the
campaign and although the tape is muffled, it really sounds like he's telling cohen to keep the whole thing secret and off the books by paying in cash. >> i need to open up a company for the transfer of all of that info regarding our friend david. >> so that -- >> i'm going to do that right away. so i'm all over that. and i spoke to alan about it. when it comes time for the financing, which will be -- >> listen, what financing? >> we'll have to pay -- >> pay with cash. >> no, no, no, i got -- no, no, no -- >> seth: so obviously it sounds like trump is saying the words, "pay with cash." and yet trump's team disputes that. in fact, they put out their own transcript of the call, where they insist that what trump was actually saying was "don't pay with cash, check." that's insane. [ light laughter ] their claim is that cohen set up a secret shell company to pay off a tabloid after that tabloid bought the story in order to kill it and trump wanted to make sure the payment was on the books. "and let's make it one of those big novelty checks the sweepstakes people use." [ laughter ] in fact, that's exactly what trump's current lawyer,
rudy giuliani tried to argue last night on fox news. he insisted that trump would not have wanted to use cash to make the payment, although his evidence for that claim was not very strong. >> i assure you that we listened to it numerous, numerous times. and the transcript makes it quite clear at the end that president trump says, quotes, "don't pay with cash." cohen then interrupts and says, "no, no, no, i got it." and then you hear distinctly, "if you're careful and you slow it down, check." and then cohen follows with, "no, no, no." there's no way the president is going to be talking about setting up a corporation and then using cash, unless you're a complete idiot. and the president's not an idiot. [ laughter ] >> seth: ah, see. see, what happened is, you blew it right at the end there. [ laughter ] 'cause that excuse might have worked until you said, "the president's not an idiot." that's like when you're having a great date with somebody and then you walk them to the door and they go, "well, i had a great time, also, jesus speaks directly to me."
[ laughter ] giuliani kept insisting that if you listen to the tape closely, you can hear trump say the words, "don't pay with cash, pay with check." he even recommended that fox viewers give it multiple tries. >> well, the fact is that the president does bring up cash, but he says, "don't pay with cash." we've been over the tape over the weekend about five times. what i urge people to do is just go on -- online, listen to your broadcast, we played the tape. play it three times, the third you play it, it'll become clear. [ laughter ] >> seth: play it three times. this is evidence in a criminal investigation and they're treating it like it's laurel vs. yanny. [ laughter ] you have to listen to it three times and then it's clear that laurel is the name of the pornstar the president had sex with. [ laughter ] but that wasn't even giuliani's dumbest argument. in fact, if i were his client, i wouldn't exactly trust giuliani's legal acumen. here he is talking about the possibility that there are more tapes out there. his answer doesn't exactly inspire confidence. >> are there other tapes that
you're aware of? >> well, today, today -- >> will you seek to release them yourself? >> today, today -- someone was leaking from, i'm sure their side, it can't be ours, that there are 12 tapes of cohen with the president. may have been avenatti, somebody else. don't quote me on that. >> seth: don't quote you on that? you're on tv. [ laughter ] you're doing an interview. [ laughter ] i'm shocked he didn't end the segment by saying, "anyway, this was really fun, when does the tv interview start?" [ laughter ] and by the way, trump and giuliani aren't the only ones stammering their way through awkward explanations of this tape. just take fox news host sean hannity, who was forced to admit a few months ago that he had secretly used cohen's legal services. last night, hannity was in the awkward position of having to defend trump, while explaining his own relationship with cohen. >> i have known michael a long time. i like michael. he has a lovely family. i honestly think what they've done to him is wrong. i was not a client of his,
although i did ask him a legal question on -- we used to talk privately, i -- so -- but we didn't have a business relationship -- and -- just to be totally transparent. >> seth: oh, oh, oh, oh. [ laughter ] those are -- those are definitely the words of a man who just found out his lawyer secretly tapes his clients. [ laughter ] seriously, hannity sounded like he was being interrogated by dick tracey. >> where is lips manlis? [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] >> seth: now, while we wait for prosecutors to complete their investigation, the question is usually, is will congress do anything? they can hold hearings, subpoena documents, censure the president. instead, they're running away from this story as fast as they can. just take this response from tennessee congressman david kustoff. a reporter from "the huffington post" tweeted, "i asked kustoff is he was troubled by anything in the cohen tape. he pulls out his phone with the screen visible to me, so i could see no one was calling him and then faked that he had a call." [ laughter ]
so we're at the point now where congressman are openly faking phone calls. why do you even need the phone, just carry around a banana with the word "phone" written on it in sharpie. [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we'll be right back with more "late night", everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. nothing gets a family's full attention like my
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. and give it up for the 8g band, everybody, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also sitting in with us tonight on drums, he's a two-time grammy-nominated artist, producer, and educator from right here in new york city. his new album, "pocket change", is out now. for tour dates and more, go to natesmithmusic.com. nate smith is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, seth. >> seth: thank you. moving on. former fbi director james comey this weekend tweeted, quote, "democrats, please, please don't lose your minds and rush to the socialist left. this president and his republican party are counting on you to do exactly that. america's great middle wants sensible, balanced and ethical leadership." a surprising bit of unsolicited advice from comey that brings us to a segment call "really!?! with seth & amy." ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: really? [ cheers and applause ] really, james comey? you want to weigh in on things when there's an election coming up? you feel like that's gone well for you in the past? [ laughter ] that's like michael jordan saying, "i think i'm going to take another shot at baseball." [ laughter ] i mean, really. >> really, james comey? you're worried the democrats are going move too far to the left? really? i don't know if you remember, but we were just about to have a nice, boring, moderate democrat for a president until you decided to open your mouth a week before the election, you big dumb scare crow. [ laughter ] >> really? >> really!? and as far as i'm concerned, the democrats can vote for a bong in the shape of che guevara and you got nothing to say about it!
[ laughter ] really! >> seth: really? and really, you're telling democrats not to lose their minds? i don't know if you've noticed, but the party in power is locking babies in cages, the president talks about vladimir putin the way jay-z talks about beyonce. [ laughter ] and the white house has more employee turnover than a dairy queen in september. really? >> really!? >> seth: i'll take your political advice as soon as i'm done with my jeffery dahmer cookbook and my harvey weinstein fitness tapes. [ laughter and applause ] >> yeah! >> seth: really!? >> really! and look, okay, james, i get it. you feel guilty and you don't want history to remember you as the guy who opened the door for the death of democracy. i don't blame you. really? but the idea of you playing adviser to the democratic party is kind of like the iceberg trying to join the crew of the titanic. [ laughter ] >> seth: really? >> really! >> seth: and don't tell us what republicans are counting on democrats to do. during the election, they were counting on you to go on tv more than steve harvey and you did. really! >> really!? and you know, i just want to go off topic for a second. there was a guy the other day. i'm walking down the street and a guy comes down, pickup truck.
i'm at a stop sign. he doesn't see me! he is not slowing down! he slows down at the stop sign. i go to cross and he goes, "come on, come on, come on!" and i said, "no, you stay, stay, stay, stay!" [ laughter ] and he goes, "come on, come on, come on." i go, "no, no, no. you stay, stay, stay, stay. [ light laughter ] >> seth: wait. what does that have to do with james comey? [ laughter ] >> it's the same thing! just a couple of dudes who only care about themselves. they need to shut up, sit down, take a nap, and get a life. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: really? >> really. especially that guy. >> announcer: this has been "really!?! with seth & amy." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back with amy poehler, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what about him?
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tuesday, july 31st at 10:00 p.m. here on nbc. please welcome back to the show, one of the all time bests, amy poehler, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm fine. >> seth: it's so good to you have here. >> it's good to be back. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's so -- the energy! this is the energy you get when poehler is back in new york. >> this is a -- this is a hot crowd. >> seth: they're really -- they're a very good crowd. [ cheers and applause ] >> a really hot crowd. >> jimmy: very good crowd tonight. they're happy. >> yeah, they're happy. >> seth: i'm so happy you're back in new york. do you like being back in new york in the summer? >> i'm kind of killing it right now in new york. >> seth: oh, got you, okay. >> i'm doing 13,000 steps a day. >> seth: wow. [ light laughter ] that's fantastic. >> i know. isn't that great? >> seth: what's the difference -- >> but how many steps a day do you do? >> seth: steps a day? i'm not --
i bet like in the low thousands. [ light laughter ] >> no way, really? >> seth: well, i don't know. yeah, i mean -- you're -- >> you don't check your phone and see how many steps a day you do? >> seth: i've not looked at steps a day. i don't even know, does my phone have that? [ light laughter ] >> oh, my god. yes, there's a whole thing where you can check your steps. >> seth: okay, well i'll check after. >> i'd just -- i'd love to know how many steps you're doing since we're talking and i consider you a friend. >> seth: okay. you seem very confident that you're -- i feel like you want to know my steps, because you're sure you have more. [ light laughter ] >> i'm sure we're very close. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i don't think you would have brought it up if you had even a little bit of doubt that i would have more steps than you. >> it is hard to do 13,000 a day. [ light laughter ] but i am doing it. but i'm looking forward to seeing your steps. >> seth: okay, great. >> anyway, let's get back to the thing. [ light laughter ] >> seth: do you feel like it's massively more steps than you do in l.a.? because obviously, you're driving around. >> yes. it is true. like you do, like, 300 steps a day in l.a. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] do you even check or is it too depressing? >> no. it's too tiring to check. [ light laughter ]
in los angeles, you have to drive to check your steps. >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah. >> seth: you can't even check it on your phone? >> no, you have to go to a place. >> seth: you have to drive to an office. >> you have to go to a place. you have to dump a bunch of gasoline into the ocean and then you check your steps. [ light laughter ] >> seth: this is very exciting you're doing this show "making it" with your friend nick offerman. >> yes, the best. >> seth: this is a show -- [ cheers and applause ] it's a very relaxing, calming show because it is not all about anything that's going on in the world. >> that's right. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> that's right. >> seth: but it's about like i think the sort of peace that you get from like making things. >> yeah. it truly -- we wanted to celebrate the creation of things. we wanted to show people making things. celebrate artists. and we wanted to make a show that kind of everybody could watch and it didn't make you feel stressed out or humiliated. >> seth: yeah. >> and i don't like that kind of show. i get too -- i don't -- the only person i like yelling is judge judy. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> because she's always right. >> seth: do you still watch judge judy? >> i watch judge judy almost
every day. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> and i try not to watch the news that much anymore, because it stresses me out. and local news is the worst. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> because it's terrible news. but judge judy, for people that watch "judge judy," it only has like six minutes of content. [ light laughter ] and 20 to 25 minutes of commercials. and teasers and all the teasers are local news teasers and they're the worst news. >> seth: yeah. but they're -- >> it's "a woman found in train" -- you know? [ laughter ] >> seth: that doesn't sound bad. >> "burnt to a crisp!" [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, there you go. yeah. >> yeah, that kind of thing. >> seth: because woman found on train, maybe they were looking for her and that's where she was. if like, missing woman found in train. good story. >> oh, my god, by the way, i know we have stuff to talk about, but we have to talk about those boys in the cave, dude. >> seth: these are the thai boys in the cave. >> yes! did you guys talk about that at all? [ light laughter ] can you believe that? ask me anything about that story. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, are you fully up to date? >> i can't stop reading about that story. and it keeps going. >> seth: like what's happening now? >> oh, what's happening now?
only the boys shaved their heads and they're going into a monastery to honor the diver that died. they're going to go to a monastery now! >> seth: oh, my god. [ light laughter ] >> it's the most amazing story. >> seth: how many kids was it? >> that i don't know. [ laughter and applause ] i don't read the fine print. >> seth: you're not -- you're not about, like, numbers. >> i don't care. >> seth: you're feelings. >> yes! they all got out. >> seth: yep. >> they had -- [ light laughter ] i could talk about this forever. they had to be sedated. did you know that? >> seth: no. before they went? >> i mean, do you seriously didn't know that? why didn't you read this story? >> seth: i was so worried it was going to have an unhappy ending. >> i know what you mean. i'm only talking about it because it was a happy ending, of course. i would never talk about if it was a sad ending. >> seth: so they sedated them before they took them back? >> yes, they put them to sleep. they don't even remember getting traveled! in the water! can you imagine? [ light laughter ] they were asleep. and there was a diver next to them just watching them to make sure everything was going fine. [ light laughter ] and it took hours, dude. and it was --
the tunnel was like an s! [ laughter ] so at one point, they couldn't -- it's -- >> seth: they say that's of the letters, the worst one for your tunnel to be. [ laughter ] >> and -- oh! and the coach that brought them there. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> which, you know -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, there was an outcome where he was not -- he was not a hero. >> that's right. but he was -- had studied to be a buddhist monk, and he taught them to meditate to conserve energy. so they all learned to meditate in the cave and they lived off of rainwater. [ light laughter ] i'm -- why isn't everyone -- >> seth: i heard the coach -- i i did hear that the coach didn't eat any of his food. >> yes. he gave way his food. >> seth: yeah. >> ugh! >> seth: i mean, i guess -- [ laughter ] >> i don't know why you don't talk about this every night. [ light laughter ] don't do any jokes about trump. just talk seriously about this story. because it never ends. >> seth: yeah. >> it's amazing. >> seth: well, i remember we were -- a very similar story. we were working at "snl" when the chilean miners -- >> ugh!
>> seth: that was another story that pulled -- you loved that story. >> 'cause they got out! >> seth: yeah. >> and remember the chilean miners? ask me anything about the chilean miners. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i remember there was one chilean miner who was like loved the camera. do you remember that? >> he got a little -- >> seth: yeah. >> he got a little popular. >> seth: and then, i think we wrote a talk show sketch where fred was that miner. [ light laughter ] and then, the band was like the other 31 miners. i can't remember what it was. >> and america never saw that sketch, right? >> seth: no, didn't see that. i think i may have also written one where there were 31 miners went in and 32 came out. [ laughter ] i think that's maybe all i had. >> was the 32nd miner horatio? >> seth: yes, probably. he was just a guy who lived down there. [ light laughter ] he lived in a cave and then he saw that as his chance out. [ light laughter ] >> that should've been on the air. >> seth: by the way, you know about what happened to horatio today? our friend horatio sanz. >> what!? >> seth: i think he became an american citizen today. [ gasps ] >> are you kidding me? >> seth: i think that truly happened today. give it up for horatio sanz. [ cheers and applause ]
>> america is better for it. >> seth: we'll have to fact check that, of course. >> we'll have to have a party for him. >> seth: yeah, we have to have an american party for him. >> oh, that's wonderful. >> seth: that's great news. >> i mean, it's no thai boys in a cave, 'cause it's one person. [ light laughter ] >> seth: no, i would say, like, if you had to -- if you had to choose at a dinner party what to bring up, either, horatio becoming an american or the thai boys. you would talk about -- >> when i'm -- i'm not kidding when i've just been talking non-stop to people about it and it's been weeks now. >> seth: yeah. >> it's kind of over as a story. but it's just beginning. [ laughter ] for me. >> seth: you're just starting? >> they're entering a monastery now. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, no, what if they get trapped in the monastery? >> trapped in the monastery! they won't. they won't. >> seth: they won't get trapped? >> they would never. >> seth: and then the divers have to get them out of the monastery. [ light laughter ] because they're only comfortable with the divers. so even though there is no water. >> they're like, "you're the man i trust." [ light laughter ] that would be -- they got to check the doors to make sure. >> seth: well, because i believe most monasteries in thailand do have like the hallways like an s. [ light laughter ] >> and you know what?
elon musk -- >> seth: oh, great. i want to hear this. well, elon musk sent a submarine. >> yeah. period. the end. [ light laughter ] you know, the guy that's always like, "i'll help." and it's like, and he brings out some stupid tool or something. >> seth: yeah. >> or like unclogs your sink by like taking it apart. like i used to live above a bunch of meth heads in chicago -- [ light laughter ] and one time they were like, "we're going to fix your sink." and they just took it apart and they left for like two weeks. [ laughter ] that's what it felt like. it felt like that. >> seth: when we come back, i want to -- >> oh, we should talk about the show. >> seth: well, i'd love to talk more about this thai story. we'll be right back with more from amy poehler, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ john tyson's motto was,
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>> what are you making? >> i'm making a bunny rabbit. i always wanted one when i was little and my mom wouldn't let me get one. and so i got my daughter one. so i have one now. >> oh, you do have one? >> yeah. >> you got it. and you're going to paper mache it first and then glue the hair on? >> yes. and i'm going to be covering it with this, like, alpaca wool. [ ding ] >> what's your adhesive? >> i'm going to use some decoupage and water. >> decoupage is glue?
>> it's pretty much like a glue and water mixture. >> isn't it also the thing you do to something? >> it's also the term of applying something -- >> true. >> with that adhesive to cover the surface. >> oh, so the adhesive is kind of taking over as the action? >> yes. >> i learned something, guys. see you later. [ laughter ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we're here with amy poehler. that is a clip from your new show "making it." and your partner in crime on this show, nick offerman, obviously your co-star in "parks and rec." you've known him for a long time, though. >> yeah, we met in chicago. we met at a really weird house party. and nick was in a production of "clockwork orange." and he had a dyed red beard and his hair was shaped into devil horns. >> seth: wow! [ laughter ] and you saw that and thought that was interesting? >> i was like, "my man." [ laughter ] but that was during a time when if you remember in chicago, there was some factions. >> seth: yeah. >> because there were the improvisers and the sketch and -- like, you know, standup's kind of in the same group. and then the goodman theater and
steppenwolf, like, professional -- >> seth: yeah. >> actors. >> seth: actor actors. yeah. >> seth: and then the alternative theater chicago actors, of which i think nick was one. so everybody -- they didn't run in the same circles. >> seth: did you have any -- did you feel any crossover comfort with those other circles? >> i felt like i could do everything they could do and they couldn't do what i could do. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> is that bad to say out loud? >> seth: no, no, that's good. >> okay. but, no. they were amazing and i never -- you know, i never -- i never went to steppenwolf or -- did you go to any -- >> seth: i think i went to, like, three steppenwolf shows the entire time i was there. >> yeah, i -- >> seth: i will say they were -- it was expensive. >> it was expensive. >> seth: yeah. >> but it was like laurie metcalf and gary sinise -- >> seth: yeah. >> and all the amazing actors that were there. but we were -- >> seth: we were just, like, scraping it by. >> we were just throwing hot dog buns into the audience. [ laughter ] in some basement theater. >> seth: you -- obviously nick is sort of famously good at building things. >> yeah. >> seth: and he's a craftsman. you are not. >> no. >> seth: does he take advantage of -- on the show, of the fact that you know very little about crafting? >> yeah. he could say pretty much anything and he would just --
i would just nod. >> seth: yeah. >> as if i know what it -- [ light laughter ] like there is a couple times in it that, it was kind of like a little bit of a living stress dream, were people would say, "well, all you need to do is just plane this and then it'll be in good shape." and i would nod as if i knew what everybody is talking about. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and then i would be afraid people would ask me to do it. but, no, i can't make anything yet. >> seth: the show is called "making it." you guys have a catch phrase that is -- >> yeah. >> seth: very inventive. >> yeah. >> seth: what is the catch phrase on the television show "making it"? >> make it! [ laughter and applause ] yeah. >> seth: did you shop around for others? >> we did. >> seth: or did you immediately -- >> we went to -- we went to a bunch of clubs. we tried out a bunch of catch phrases. >> seth: oh, like standup clubs? >> yeah. >> seth: you did, like, open mics? >> we did open mic stuff. we went on the road. [ laughter ] we worked really hard. and what was great is we realized simple is better. >> seth: yeah. >> always. >> seth: did you have any failed ones? >> we didn't. >> seth: oh, really? >> we didn't. we just tried one and then we stuck with it. [ laughter ] and then we also -- we could never quite say it at the same time. >> seth: oh, that was the issue. just syncing up and saying it together. >> do you guys have a slogan here on your show?
>> seth: we do have a slogan. it is also "make it." [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> "late night with seth meyers" and make it. >> seth: make it! >> yeah. [ laughter ] that's weird. >> seth: make it! >> oh, it's said differently. >> seth: yeah. make it! [ laughter ] we try to say it in a way that they don't know if we're going to make something or they're supposed to. [ laughter ] >> i like that. i like that. it's really hard to think of a catch phrase, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> like, to -- and we didn't want to do something like, "get out of here, loser." you know? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] well, it's a very -- well, it's interesting, because you guys are the hosts of the show. you're not judges on the show. >> no. i don't have to do any of that tough stuff. >> seth: do you wish you -- i mean, like -- >> no. >> seth: i will say, like, you are someone who has opinions about things. >> i -- yes. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i don't -- i would never want to -- a creative person who, like, is very vulnerable and puts himself out there, i would never want to be the one that says, like, you know, "hasta la vista, baby." [ laughter ] you know, i would not want to do that. >> seth: i think you could say, like, "make it to the door." [ laughter ] "because you outta here."
>> "make it your business to get in the car." [ laughter ] "and get out of here." >> seth: "make a door and then leave through it." [ laughter ] >> but, yeah. you're right. i'm very judgmental and i do like to judge. [ light laughter ] >> seth: but i can see that you wouldn't take pleasure from, like, judging an artisanal -- >> no, i enjoy doing it with you. like, just the two of us. >> seth: yeah. >> now, no one is watching or anything. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> but, i like that. but if it was on a, like, you know, tv show -- >> seth: oh, yeah, no. [ laughter ] heaven forbid. that's the thing. that's why i have a tv show, i try not to be judgmental at all. [ laughter ] >> do you now? >> seth: you were on -- we had dinner last night with some of our friends. >> we did. >> seth: and you then had to -- you were, like, kind of the first one out the door because -- >> yeah. >> seth: you had to do the "today" show. >> i did the "today" show this morning, which was so fun. >> seth: yep. >> and that show is amazing. like, it's crazy circus. >> seth: yes. >> as you know. but i texted a friend of ours, because this morning it was like an "snl" sketch that we had probably written a million times. because i was a little hung
over. >> seth: uh-huh. [ light laughter ] >> not a lot of sleep. and i had to get up really early. and i had to do crafts. which i don't do. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> with al roker and hoda. and i followed a story about a giraffe getting pregnant. [ laughter ] but it made me think about, we used to joke all the time that there would always be sketches where we would think it was really funny if it was like the local newscasters in tucson who were really hung over and just trying to get through the morning. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> they're like, "good morning -- good morning, tucson." [ laughter ] just trying not to throw up the whole time. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] well, i think we may have even talked about it here. there was like a -- i remember there was a famous night where we were out very late at "snl." and then you, finesse mitchell and kenan thompson had to leave. like, you had -- well, you left a bar, like, an hour before you got picked up to -- all go play the black eyed peas in a sketch. [ light laughter ] >> oh, that was such a dark, dark day. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ]
and you filmed it and it was really exciting for the rest of us. because you then all told us, like, we were so hung over and we had to dance like the black eyed peas. and then when we all just got wait to watch the pre-tape. and then it was so much fun to watch, because you guys all looked like really unhappy black eyed peas. [ laughter ] >> and kenan thompson was doing the funniest bit where he was pretending to take calls from himself the night before. [ laughter ] and he was like, "hello?" and he was like, "you want know go home? i don't think so." [ laughter ] and he was like going, "you got to go home, man, you're going to be up all night. and you got to be the black eyed peas in the morning." [ laughter ] he's like, "nice try, buddy." >> seth: how about by the way our friend -- >> ahh! >> seth: our friend, kenan thompson finally got an emmy nomination. >> so great! give it up for kenan thompson, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> and still an american citizen, kenan. right? >> seth: yes, still -- no, no. they took it away for horatio. [ laughter ] yeah. >> so now he's -- >> seth: they had to split -- they switched it. >> oh, makes sense. that makes sense. yeah. >> seth: i mean, that's how it works. >> that's how -- that's the biz. >> seth: we don't add one more
person! [ light laughter ] >> you know what, you want to be here? you got to give us someone! [ laughter ] a friend, preferably. >> seth: a friend. ideally a friend. i love you so much. thank you so much for being here. >> my pleasure always, friend. >> seth: just a delight every single time. [ cheers and applause ] amy poehler, everybody! "making it" premiers tuesday, july 31st at 10:00 p.m. here on nbc. we'll be right back with music from fall out boy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a golden opportunity to experience a rare form of craftsmanship. ♪ before a single grain is finished. before a single shape is forged. before a single stitch is sewn by hand, that hand must first be deemed a master. ♪ because you can't achieve a higher standard of craftsmanship... ...without a higher standard of craftsman. discover the feeling for yourself at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. experience amazing at your lexus dealer.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: their north american tour kicks off on august 29th right here in new york. performing "the last of the real ones", please welcome back to the show fall out boy, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i was just an only child of the universe and then i found you and then i found you ♪ ♪ you are the sun and i am just the planets spinning around you spinning around you ♪ ♪ you were too good to be true gold plated but what's inside you but what's inside you ♪
♪ i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you but not as much as i do as much as i do yeah ♪ ♪ 'cause you're the last of a dying breed write our names in the wet concrete ♪ ♪ i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me i'm here in search of your glory ♪ ♪ there's been a million before me that ultra kind of love you never walk away from ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ ♪ i am a collapsing star with tunnel vision but only for you but only for you ♪
♪ my head is stripped just like a screw that's been tightened too many times ♪ ♪ when i think of you when i think of you ♪ ♪ i will shield you from the waves if they find you i will protect you i will protect you ♪ ♪ just tell me tell me tell me i i am the only one ♪ ♪ even if it's not true even if it's not true yeah ♪ ♪ 'cause you're the last of a dying breed write our names in the wet concrete ♪ ♪ i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me i'm here in search of your glory ♪ ♪ there's been a million before me that ultra kind of love you never walk away from ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones
you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ i'm here at the beginning of the end oh the end of infinity with you ♪ ♪ i'm here at the beginning of the end oh the end of infinity with you ♪ ♪ i'm done with having dreams the thing that i believe ♪ ♪ oh, you drain all the fear from me ♪ ♪ i'm done with having dreams the thing that i believe the thing that i believe ♪ ♪ 'cause you're the last of a dying breed write our names in the wet concrete ♪ ♪ i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me i'm here in search of your glory ♪ ♪ there's been a million before me that ultra kind of love you never walk away from ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones
you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones you're just the last of the real ones ♪ ♪ you're just the last of the real ones ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: fall out boy, everyone! "mania" is out now. [ cheers and applause ] for dates, go to falloutboy.com. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]