♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, my thanks again to jerry seinfeld, brian regan, robert irwin, once again. [ cheers and applause ] thank you buddy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. happy thanksgiving to you and your family. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's a very special thanksgiving episode of "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- hilary, larry, and josh meyers, and we'll play "the newlywed game" with the meyers family. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: happy thanksgiving, everybody! how we doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. today is thanksgiving, and if you're watching us right now, i'm guessing the guest room was taken. [ laughter ] either that or you passed out

right after dinner, slept for seven hours, and now your entire weekend is screwed. [ laughter ] that's right, it's thanksgiving and it's now 12:35 a.m., which means your mom is currently beating the snot out of someone at best buy. [ laughter ] forecasters were predicting 20 degree temperatures for this morning's start at the macy's thanksgiving day parade, which feels like 6 degrees with wind chill. damn, does anyone really like looking at balloons that much? [ laughter ] oh right, oh right, i forgot. i forgot, there is one person. there is one person. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this year's macy's thanksgiving day parade featured a balloon from the "diary of a wimpy kid." also featuring the "diary of a wimpy kid," twitter. [ laughter and applause ] dear diary, i am #sad. [ laughter ]

triple a has projected that this thanksgiving over 54 million people will travel by car, while others will travel by closing their eyes, and imagining they're in slovenia. [ laughter and applause ] a man in florida was arrested recently after police found cocaine, marijuana, and pills in his home. and he allegedly claimed to officers that someone had broken in, and left the drugs there. [ laughter ] so you know what that means? tampa claus is real! [ laughter and applause ] it's tampa claus, everybody. [ applause ] according to a new study, 49% of men do not consider kissing someone else to be cheating, but one does. [ laughter ] [ audience groans ]

>> seth: finally, according to a new study, people living in colder regions are more likely to be heavy drinkers. said santa, "oh, crap. [ laughter ] oh crap, it's december 26th." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's our thanksgiving show, and as with every thanksgiving show we've had here at "late night," my guests tonight are my parents, hilary and larry, and my brother josh meyers are going to be here. [ cheers and applause ] we will also be playing our version of the "newlywed game" with my parents, with my in-laws, and with my wife and i. so we're all -- we're all showing up tonight. [ cheers and applause ] now sadly, obviously, it's late at night, my dog frisbee, and my two boys, axel and ashe are asleep. they can't be here, but another thing that has been tradition we started two years ago with ashe and frisbee is we dressed ashe up like a turkey frisbee up like

a pilgrim, and we just shot them on video for fifteen seconds. we did it again when ashe was 1, and now ashe is 2. his brother is 7 months old and frisbee is still with us. so here for the third time please enjoy this incredibly moving short film, "two turkeys and a pilgrim." ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ audience aws ] >> gobble, gobble, gobble. [ audience awws ] >> seth: yeah! [ applause ] although, the amount i was standing off camera saying, "say gobble, gobble, gobble," already today he woke up, my son ashe, and he's saying "boggle, boggle, boggle," so -- [ light laughter ] very disappointing how -- how short that lasted. but, you know, my whole family is here tonight and maybe that is just making me feel a little sentimental. but with the holidays here it got me thinking about the way things are, and the way they used to be.

heck, sometimes i look around, and i don't even recognize the world i'm living in anymore. and that's why i'd like to join my family right now -- [ cheers and applause ] to talk about how things were just a bit more simple, back in my day. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: well, hello everyone. hello, hello. >> hello, hello. >> hello. >> hello. >> seth: you know, back in my day, we didn't have black friday, the day after thanksgiving with half-off sales that helped stimulate small businesses. we had blackout friday where you went to your hometown bar, and got so drunk with your high school friends that the only thing was half off was your pants. [ laughter ] and then everyone could see your small business. [ laughter ] >> back in my day, there was no such thing as "friendsgiving." no sir, the meyers family just had regular old thanksgiving, and that was good enough for us.

plus, seth didn't have any friends. [ laughter ] >> back in my day, michelle obama wasn't releasing a memoir. back in my day, if i wanted to read a book about a first lady, i had to crack open that bargain bin copy of the eleanor roosevelt biography that seth bought me for mother's day. thanks, big spender. >> back in my day, i got a good eight hours of sleep every night. now i have to stay up late to watch this show because -- [ laughter ] seth calls every morning and says, "did you watch? i made a joke about trump." oh, did you? [ laughter ] way to switch it up. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: back in my day, we didn't sit around the tv and watch netflix on thanksgiving. hogwash. we sat around the tv, and watched vhs tapes as a family.

and one thanksgiving mom rented "basic instincts" because she liked michael douglas. and then sharon stone crossed and uncrossed her legs, and let's just say things took a real awkward turn. [ laughter ] i mean, we're a close family and all, but christ almighty we're not that close. [ laughter ] >> back in my day, there was no legalized medical marijuana in our home state of new hampshire. it was illegal, and that's why seth was suspended in high school. [ laughter ] sorry you had to find out like this, mom and dad, and on thanksgiving, no less. >> seth, no. >> seth: back in my day, the president's staff wasn't ratting him out to the fbi. josh was ratting me out to mom and dad because he's a kiss ass punk. [ laughter ] >> back in my day new hampshire's motto was "live free or die," and it still is. but i always thought it should be, "hey, cheapskates from massachusetts, stop crossing the state lines just to save a few bucks on booze."

[ laughter ] i swear to god, you show me a massachusetts resident that isn't a hard drinker, and i'll show you a unicorn that [ bleep ] lotto tickets. >> but honey, i'm from massachusetts. >> i know you are. [ laughter ] >> back in my day, bradley cooper and lady gaga weren't starring in "a star is born." no, back then it starred barbra streisand and kris kristofferson, and kris kristofferson's chest hair. [ laughter ] thick, lustrous chest hair, the density of larry's mustache. [ laughter ] in fact, there are times when i'm kissing larry that i pretend it's kris kristofferson's chest. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: t.m.i., mom. t.m.i.

>> you know, back in my day democrats weren't sweeping the house. i was sweeping our house because seth is sensitive to dust. [ light laughter ] fun fact, he still carries an inhaler. >> seth: back in my day, the president wasn't in bed with wikileaks. hogwash. back in my day, the only leaks we had to worry about were the leaks josh was taking in his bed until he was 14. [ laughter and applause ] >> well, back in my day, we had a house full of farts cause seth wasn't around to eat them all. [ laughter ] >> seth: back in my day, shut up. [ laughter and applause ] >> back in my day, no, you shut up. [ laughter ] >> boys, please. back in my day, seth was our handsomest son. because we only had one son, and then josh showed up, and it was like "oh, god, that's a good looking baby." [ laughter ]

>> back in my day seth didn't force us to come and watch this talk show. no sir, back in my day, he forced us to come and watch his improv shows. and oh boy, some of them were were real stinkers. [ laughter ] you want a suggestion from the audience? here's one. write something funny! [ laughter ] >> back in my day, we didn't buy our clothes all ripped. if you tore your pants, you stitched them up or threw them out. plus, it's a death trap. i tried on a pair of those ripped jeans, caught my leg in a knee tear, and took a tumble in the dressing room. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's a good one, mom. you want to tell everyone who wrote it? >> i did. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i wrote it and texted it to you, and then i didn't hear from you for a full day. >> seth: what's your point? >> my point is, back in the day, my son wasn't such a big shot

that he couldn't text his mother back. what did i ever do to hurt you? >> you just said josh was more handsome. [ laughter ] >> that's just a fact, honey. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> you know, back in my day, seth wasn't sitting there listening to celebrities regale him with stories about working in hollywood. back in my day, the only thing seth listened to were the random radio stations that got picked up by the massive retainer head gear he used to wear. we didn't think he'd be a tv star. we thought he'd be a tv antenna. [ laughter ] >> and finally, back in my day, seth wasn't hitting homeruns on late night tv. he was hitting low dribblers to the mound in little league. and we liked that because it was better than all the strikeouts. >> seth: well, i'm sorry we had to do that, but sometimes this grumpy grunge butt has got to get its gripe on. this has been -- >> together: back in my day. [ cheers and applause ]

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single night, and i'm also very thankful that joining us on drums all this week, our old friend, our great friend, fred armisen, everybody. give it up for fred. [ cheers and applause ] and fred i -- let me talk about this. i'm in awe of how prolific you are. you're always working on new projects. you're making television shows that are so unique and different. i'm such a fan of your work, but you were saying backstage the cost, to you personally, is you no longer have time to read books, to read novels, to read fiction. >> fred: yeah, i just don't get a chance. >> seth: and i was saying, "oh i'm heartbroken on your behalf," and you said, "don't be." because you have developed a process, according to you, where you can look at the cover of a book, and know everything about it. [ light laughter ] >> fred: yes. >> seth: you know the full plot, all the characters. >> fred: yes. yes. >> seth: and you enjoy it exactly as much as if you'd read the whole book. >> fred: always. yes. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and you've never failed. you've never looked at a cover and gotten the plot even a little bit wrong. >> fred: never. >> seth: wow. >> fred: it's always worked out. yes. >> seth: do you think we could try it here for everybody? >> fred: sure. why not? >> seth: all right. one more time. [ cheers and applause ] fred judges a book by its cover.

♪ very excited to try this, buddy. here we go. this is "alaskan holiday," by debbie macomber. >> fred: oh yeah. okay. so, debbie macomber, she wrote this book "alaskan holiday." >> seth: so, that's a thing i think everybody would know by looking at the cover. [ laughter ] >> fred: and it's about this optometrist who decided to have a very different kind of, sort of, eye exam. and this optometrist, who was a guy was like, "i'm gonna do something where there are dogs, different kind of dogs all over the place. we'll see if people can recognize what kind of dog it is." but he sort of bunched them up all in the middle, and towards the bottom. so -- [ laughter ] so, people would come in. you know? by the way, this is fiction. naturally. [ laughter ] and so -- so, people would come in and they'd go like -- he'd be like, "what do you see?" they'd be like, "i see three dogs." so, he thought everyone had perfect vision. he's like, "people have been cured. we know longer need glasses."

he had all the glasses smashed around the world, and it took a decade, and at the end he realizes like, "oh, i should have done different distances and different sizes for the dogs," and the story continues. it's sort of open ended. [ laughter ] and he went on an alaskan holiday to sort of rethink about how he's going to do his eye tests. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, this almost sounds post-apocalyptic. it's a world where all glasses have been destroyed. >> fred: yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: can i -- and by the way, this sounds like an incredible book, and i'm not saying you're wrong. >> fred: okay. >> seth: but can i read you what you the publisher says this is about? >> fred: if you need to. [ laughter ] >> seth: before beginning her dream job as a sous chef in one of seattle's hottest new restaurants, josie avery takes a summer position cooking at a lakeside lodge in the remote town of ponder, alaska. while there, she falls for the quiet and intense palmen saxton, a famed master swordsmith. >> fred: and they go to the

vision test. >> seth: oh. [ laughter ] >> fred: they take it. yes. >> seth: i apologize. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our guests tonight as they are on every thanksgiving are three of my favorite people in the world. please welcome back to the show for their annual thanksgiving day appearance, my mother hilary, my father larry, and my brother josh, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. >> thank you. >> seth: congratulations on how well your joke went, mom. >> oh, thanks. >> seth: yeah. >> and do i get paid for that? >> seth: you don't get paid extra for that. >> okay. >> seth: yeah. >> okay. >> seth: i like that you're just using this as an annual way to make a little extra scratch. >> yeah.

well, i have an envelope with funds. so, i like to -- >> seth: oh, good, good. yes. >> yeah. >> always good to keep it in an envelope. >> seth: that doesn't look shady at all. so, you guys are obviously in town. you're all staying in the same hotel. josh, did you wake up, and have breakfast with these guys this morning? >> yeah, it took a while. not because the hotel was slow. because they -- we all went to bed around the same time. around 11:00. i got up around 7:45, and we said, "we'll just text in the morning when we're up." and i texted, his phone wasn't working so i texted hers. i hear from her at like 9:00, and she says, "omg, we just woke up." and i was like, "all right. well, let's have breakfast." she was like, "we'll see you at 10:00. and i was like, "but, it's madness." [ laughter ] they sleep -- they sleep for like ten hours a night. [ laughter ] they like hibernate every time they go to bed, and they're like, "no." it's like, "i need that sleep." >> and the way -- the way i woke up this morning was sound asleep, and she jumps up and says, "it's 10:00. get up." [ laughter ] because she brings an alarm clock. a travel alarm clock >> seth: uh-huh.

well, of course. you have to, cause you don't have them on phones. [ laughter ] >> absolutely not. >> and it's a little -- it's a cartoon character. it's tintin. you know tintin. >> seth: yeah, sure. >> but he wears a scarf, and any time it's around 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 his scarf shoots over there, and it looks like a hour. >> seth: what you're trying to say is the scarf the hands of the clock? >> no. >> no. >> no. >> it's additional. >> seth: oh, wow. [ laughter ] >> so, this clock -- >> so it's -- so, it was 9:00, but i thought it was 10:00 'cause of tintin's scarf. >> this clock is only useful nine hours a day. [ laughter ] >> it's a terrible clock, and she bring it is every time she travels. >> everywhere i go. yeah. >> and -- and the other thing, the best thing, remember i said it was 10:00? >> seth: yeah. >> it was 9:00. >> still too late. >> because she had not -- the daylight savings time concept lost. >> seth: yeah. >> completely lost. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and that's a while ago now. that's weeks ago. >> yeah, but we hadn't used the clock since. >> seth: yeah. >> so. but we did use it yesterday. >> seth: well, look. i'm glad you guys are all here, and i want to ask about this. last year on thanksgiving i announced that alexi and i were going to have another baby, and

we obviously had that baby, and we -- >> you did? >> seth: we did, yeah. [ laughter ] we -- but we had him in the -- it was a very dramatic birth. we delivered him in the lobby of our apartment building. obviously, that was very surreal for me. what was it like for you guys when you heard the news? >> well, for me you guys facetimed me on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, and you just seemed so happy, and everyone was smiling, and i was like, "oh that must have been the best, easiest birth." >> seth: yeah. >> like, you don't even have to be in the hospital to have the baby, and i -- i've not given birth and i was like, "well, that sound ideal rather than being in labor for like 14 hours." >> seth: it's great to show up with the baby and just go, "yup, we had it." they're like "all right." >> yeah. >> seth: "well back home you go." [ laughter ] "we'll stamp your card and send you on your way." >> yeah. >> yeah. >> no charges. >> so to me it didn't sound dramatic, and then you told the story and i was like, "oh that's maybe a bit more." >> it was scary. >> well, we had you -- talked to you earlier in the day, and just a couple hours before, and then you facetimed

me, and it's just your face, and you're saying, "hey dad. alexi had the baby." and i said, "how is she?" and then you went like this with the phone, and there she was right behind you in the ambulance. >> seth: yeah. >> so, that was -- that was pretty dramatic. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> that was pretty good. >> seth: how have you -- it's your first grandchildren. are you learning? are there things that you -- mistakes you've made that you will try to not make the second time with the second one? >> yeah, i think in my case being a grandparent, it's not -- it's not something you know how to do. never did it before, and so i've made some mistakes clearly. [ laughter ] >> i have not made a mistake. >> seth: no, you were good. >> but i have -- i -- >> so, but let's hear about these. he's clearly made some. >> i -- it started again with facetime. seth would facetime me with ashe, and then i made the mistake. first mistake is we have two big dogs, and i would say, "well, would you like to see albert?" and i showed him the dog, and --

"would you like it see daisy?" and i'd show him the dog, and that seemed to go pretty well, and then i would try to talk to him, and he'd run away. and then the next time, it's me and you facetiming with ashe, and i'd say "hi, ashe. how are you?" he says, "where's albert?" [ light laughter ] so, albert would be outside. so, i'd have to go outside and find albert in the woods. >> seth: in the snow, often. >> in the snow. well, it wasn't snowing then, but you go out and find albert, and then he'd say -- >> that's also -- i do like cause you clearly are walking around with an ipad. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> which is just a dope -- a dopier way to walk around then with a phone. >> seth: imagine being the neighbor, and just seeing dad walking around outside. [ laughter ] >> well, if this was radio i wouldn't do that, but i want everybody to understand. [ laughter ] so that6- >> i'm just pointing out that you look like a dope if you're walking around with your ipad. [ laughter ] that's okay. as your were. >> well, i have another dog. so, i have to finish the story like this. okay.

so, i go to find -- he said, two seconds looking at albert, and then he says, "where's daisy?" so i have to go find daisy, and then so i did that for awhile, and realized it was really a pain in the ass. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so, i came up with a new idea cause i had made a mistake. so, i'm gonna recover from the mistake. so, i decided that i would get a stuffed animal. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and that when he calls, instead of having to go look for the dogs, i'll show him the stuffed animals. so, i got mr. donkey. >> seth: yeah. mr. donkey's a hit. >> this is mr. donkey, and so, you know -- he calls up and i say, hey ashe. i have a new friend, and "who's that?" i go, " hey, i'm mr. donkey. how are you? hey, ashle. i'm mr. donkey." >> seth: yeah. by the way, that went okay, it [ bleep ] crushes with ashe. [ laughter ] like, what that just got was a fraction. that kills so much harder. >> yeah. well, i lost a lot of credibility with this. [ laughter ] so anyway, now i get a text from seth in the morning, and he'll say, "is mr. donkey up?"

[ laughter ] and ashe, you know, facetimes, and i have to play. i put mr. donkey up, and we start talking, "hello ashe. how are you?" whatever. [ laughter ] and then as soon as i say, "hi ashe. it's your grandpa." he's gone. [ laughter ] so, that was a mistake. >> seth: that was a mistake. i should say that our dogs are -- your dogs are for a child incredibly magnetic animals to want to look at. there are the dogs you have right now. these two giant animals. [ audience aws ] and they're beautiful dogs, but it is like, when owners start looking like their dogs -- look at -- [ laughter and applause ] look at that. i mean, there's a -- there's a good chance he just thinks you're albert and daisy. [ laughter ] i want to ask about this. we've talked about this. we've been -- since we were very young, and we have not introduced this at the level that you introduced it to us. we had a football pool. we still have a football pool. josh and i have to e-mail our football picks to you guys. it's a four-person pool, and

then in the recent years we joined a big pool with a group of people we knew, about 600 people. it's a three strike pool, and you pay a hundred bucks, you could win a lot of money if you get it. obviously, none of us have ever come close, and josh you begged out a couple years ago. you did not want to do this pool anymore. >> i didn't like it. you even paid our way in. >> seth: yeah. >> so it was not my money, and i just could, you know, pick. but every week if i ever lost, it would -- i'd be so angry that i'd take a strike in this pool, and i just didn't like how it made me feel. so i put it in my calendar, sort of ahead of the following year's football season and said, "i want out." >> seth: yeah. >> and you were like, "can i keep your spot, and put ashe in?" so, you know. >> seth: so my -- and my son's been pulling plastic helmets out of a bag to pick his teams -- >> and consistently lasting longer than any of you. >> seth: beat all of us. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: you -- you spend the money before -- you always start talking -- >> i'm still in it. >> seth: you're still in it this year. >> i'm still in it. i'm in it to win it. >> seth: you're in it to win it. >> yeah. >> seth: josh, you have an

impression of the way mom talks when she picks a football game wrong? >> well, she'll be so angry and feel so cheated. she's like, "how are the tennessee titans, who thinks they're going to beat new england? that's just impossible. i don't -- like, how does that happen? that never happens." i was like, "but it happens sometimes." [ laughter ] and she's just appalled when there are upsets. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> and somehow it's my fault. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] that's -- that's -- would you say that we are as a family fairly competitive? is that something you'd say? >> oh, yeah. >> oh, absolutely. >> yeah. >> seth: now, we're going to stick around cause the next act we're gonna put this competitive nature to the test. my in-laws, tom and joanne are going to come out. my wife, alexis, is going to come out, and we're gonna play our version of "the newlywed game." so, stick around for the thanksgiving "late night" battle royale. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪

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(drumsticks clatter) (lights clank off) then i need to get if i'm into character. santa, ♪ ho ho ho this is christmas, baby ♪ [ groans ] dude, how many candy canes did you eat? [ mumbles ] that's hurtful.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> welcome back to "late night." it's time for the newlywed game! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> where three couples compete to find out who knows each other best. let's meet our contestants. she's a retired school teacher, and he will tell you the same story twice in one night. [ laughter ] please welcome seth's parents, hilary and larry meyers. [ cheers and applause ] she's a lawyer and a mother of two, and he didn't learn how to snap his fingers until college, and still can't whistle. [ laughter ] please welcome alexi and seth meyers. come on, seth. everyone quiet down. give us a whistle. [ laughter ] good job. and finally, she founded an international nonprofit, and he sometimes sings karaoke in his

living room by himself. please welcome alexi's parents tom and joanne ashe. [ cheers and applause ] all right, now let's get down to business. earlier tonight, we asked each of you a few questions. you wrote down the answers, and now your spouses are going to try to guess the answers that you gave. it is important to remember that how well you do in this game directly correlates to how well your marriage is doing. >> oh, great. >> the first question is for the husbands. husbands, we asked your wives, "if you could have your husband's blank, what would it be?" that's right. "if you could have your husband's blank, what would it be?" [ laughter ] >> seth: oh boy. >> dad? what's your answer? >> i would say my hair. >> your hair. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> mom, let's see the -- >> i have really good hair. >> your hair. >> yeah. >> mom, let's see the card.

quick wit. >> not so much, huh? [ laughter ] >> all right. seth, what's your answer? >> seth: i think she would have my beautiful blue eyes. >> beautiful blue eyes. alexi, let's see the card. >> i really like my green eyes. >> wife. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: trust me. it looks great from the outside, but there are some issues. >> so you would just want a replica of yourself? >> yes. >> yeah. they're very good to have around. i can assure you that. all right, tom, what's your answer? >> i'm going to go with musical talent. >> musical talent. joanne? singing voice. >> seth: we'll take it. we'll take it. [ cheers and applause ] >> very good, very good. all right, our next question is for the wives.

we asked your husbands, "how can you tell when your wife is mad at you?" "how can you tell when your wife is mad at you?" mom, what's your answer? >> wait a minute. how can he tell if i'm mad? >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> all right. [ laughter ] i think it would be a sullen silence. >> sullen silence. dad, let's see what's on the card. [ laughter ] she refers to me as "your father" when talking to seth and josh. [ cheers and applause ] and dad, when you're in her good graces, she refers to you as -- >> my hero. [ laughter ] >> it's a very clear delineation. all right, alexi, what is your answer? >> i think my face, my voice, and everything about me. >> seth: seth, let's see the card.

she says, "i am mad at you." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think we're not going to give you that. >> seth: oh no. she's -- >> it's very clear. >> seth: she's more text than subtext. all right, and joanne, what's your answer? >> i ignore him. >> you ignore him. tom? >> ignore him. >> yells at me. [ laughter ] >> i yell? >> what'd he say? >> yells at you. different than ignoring. all right, no points in that round. all right, our next question is for the husbands. we asked your wives, how does your husband deal with telemarketers? [ light laughter ] we asked your wives, how do you deal with telemarketers? what did your wife say? >> i'm as rude and angry as i possibly can be with them. >> mother? he screams as loud as he can. >> seth: we'll take it. we'll give you that one. >> dad, can you do a quick

impression of where you get to, if you're going to act like your hand is a phone, what it gets to? >> yeah, well, i don't care about that! how's that? >> very good. thank you. thank you. [ applause ] all right seth, what's your answer? >> seth: i never answer the phone. >> alexi? he doesn't answer. [ cheers and applause ] all right. and tom, what is your answer? >> i think she would say that i probably talk to them. [ laughter ] >> that's what i would say. joanne, what did you say? >> i said -- what did i say? take my name off the list. >> take my name off the list, all right. but he might meet a nice friend on the phone. well, all right, let's take a quick look at the scorecard. we are tied three ways. 1-1-1.

so this is anybody's game. the last question is worth up to three points. joanne, i hope you can sort these cards out. before we get there, it's time for the wives. we asked your husbands to describe you in three words. what three words did your husband say? you will get one point for each word correctly guessed. so mom, three words, what is your answer? >> how i described you. >> va va voom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean you really went all in on that. >> seth: let me just say, it would be so shocking if he got two out of three. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> oh, he said, "va va nice." [ laughter ] >> all right, dad, show us your card. >> i don't want to. [ laughter ] >> all right. beautiful, heiress, and joyful. [ audience aw's ] [ applause ]

also, just for you watching at home, my mother is not an heiress. but she will get a check from being on this show, and they tend to rerun it. and when those checks come in, she claims she's an heiress. [ laughter ] >> and she has an envelope. >> and she has an envelope, like an heiress. [ laughter ] alexi, what's your answer? three words. >> obsessive compulsive disorder. >> seth: obsessive compulsive disorder? >> disorder was your last word? >> seth: yeah. >> beautiful, smart, strong willed. >> i cldn't say that, by the way. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i couldn't say o.c.d. [ laughter ] it's like the gift of the magi. >> okay. all right, joanne. >> bossy, impatient, and beautiful.

>> come on, tom. >> well, at least there's beautiful! >> smart, sexy. okay. let's look at the final score. it looks like a tie for second and third. seth and alexi, and mom and dad with one point each. turns out va va voom, and obsessive compulsive disorder tanked you. [ laughter ] first place is gonna go to tom and joanne who are #couplegoals. that's right. tom and joanne have a true love that will stand the test of time. that's all the time we have for -- thanks for joining us for "the newlywed game." we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (speaking in italian) prenderro dieci biscotti... eeee twelvé bomboloni... i just got my ancestrydna results: 74% italian. and i found out that i'm from the big toe

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we are here celebrating thanksgiving with my family. and so far, our older boy, ashe has been very sweet to axel. but you found an old baby book where you sort of filled in information. and what did you -- did you remember -- how did i treat josh when we were that age? >> you were not quite as loving i don't think.

you were -- you were beloved. you were the sweetest boy. and poor poshy had a bad stomach situation so he was kind of fussy. >> seth: yeah. >> and not as -- yeah, he was a harder baby. >> seth: no, i think everybody could tell that tonight. >> but anyhow, there was one that i remember writing in the baby book, you must have been about two and a half, and you said, "just leave joshy -- poshy in his crib today cause he'll be just fine." [ laughter ] >> seth: is that your memory of it as well? >> i remember that he'd be playing on the floor, and you would -- you know how like a dog can step over things, and never trips? you could do the same thing. you would step over josh as if he wasn't there. [ laughter ] but you never tripped over him, but you just pretty much ignored his existence. >> i was elusive. >> like a ninja. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, a little bit. >> seth: you guys figured something out. you know, i knew that josh and i are about two years apart. and ashe and axel are about two years apart.

but you guys figured out something pretty amazing. >> yeah, it's exactly two year -- yeah, the distance between -- >> seth: two years and 11 days. >> two years and eleven days difference. >> between -- >> seth: for both josh and i, and my two boys. >> right. >> seth: which is a fantastic coincidence. >> exactly. [ audience aws ] >> and i always said two years was the perfect difference. >> yeah. >> and 11 days. >> and 11 days. >> seth: and 11 days. that's good. >> that's good. >> seth: you end up on the other side of that 11 days -- yeah. >> no. >> seth: you do not -- we post a lot of photos of our kids obviously. i think like a lot of parents do. >> sure. >> seth: and it's easier than ever now with photo sharing. you -- there's one kind of photo of children you do not care for. >> i don't like food on those kids' faces. i don't like it. i don't like it. this kid's like outside playing in the dirt, that's great. but like covered -- also your kids have a lot of like green smoothies, they're keeping it healthy. and it's just like, it just looks gross. >> seth: yeah. >> i don't like it. like they're cute kids, i love them, and i don't like it when they got stuff all over their face. [ laughter ] and i know you have like, rags around. i know you have wet ones. >> seth: we have the finest rags.

>> you have -- >> seth: we have egyptian cotton. >> yeah. no, i love pictures of them, and when they got stuff on their faces is -- >> seth: you don't like that. >> no thanks. >> and the other thing that i noticed has happened recently is when we were walking down the street about a month ago, and you had axel in front of you in a carrier, and these people were coming toward us. somebody goes, "hey, that's seth meyers." and the other person said, "and that's the lobby baby." [ laughter ] so they're infamous. >> seth: yeah, he's a lobby baby now. >> he's a lobby baby. >> seth: it's a good way of living his life, man. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. i just hope he doesn't -- you know, he should try to always look like he does now, cause otherwise people are going to forget it was him. >> yeah, that's true. that's true. >> seth: we talked a lot about what you wanted the kids to call you when you first became grandparents. your original plan was you wanted to be called -- >> cisco. >> seth: cisco. [ laughter ] and you wanted to be called? >> i toyed with a bunch of ones,

like my grandmother was nani, the swedish one. i don't -- but i didn't really know. >> seth: you didn't really know, and what happened was we all, my brother and i, josh and i, still call you hurry and yarry. >> right. >> seth: which are nonsense names we've called you our whole life. >> right. >> right. >> seth: which were the nonsense names you guys called each other when you met. >> not the first day. >> not when we met. no, no. not right away. >> no, he was putting the moves on me then. >> seth: no, i mean. >> no. >> seth: i would say -- [ laughter ] >> hey hurry. [ laughter ] how you feel girl. >> why were -- [ laughter ] >> seth: it was your pickup line was to call her hurry. >> yeah. never worked before. >> seth: yeah. but now, so that's what he calls you is hurry and yarry. >> yeah, but they -- paca, he puts the paca in front, like grandpa. >> seth: yeah, he thought for whatever reason, grandpa, when he said it, was paca. >> paca. >> seth: so you're paca hurry and paca yarry. >> yeah.

>> seth: so i feel like when they hear him talking to you in the park, they think he's from some weird eastern european country. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: paca hurry. >> yeah. >> seth: paca yarry, can we have iced cream? [ laughter ] >> oh no, you don't know paca alexi. [ laughter ] >> seth: we will be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ get fifty percent off your entire purchase this wednesday through friday, plus one-dollar cozy socks in-store this friday only. ♪ that's cozy socks for one-dollar and fifty percent off your entire purchase this wednesday through friday, only at old navy!

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♪ >> announcer: for more "late night", go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth, and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes to subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. ♪ this is not a bed.

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sleep number 360 limited edition smart bed. ends cyber monday. sleep number. proven, quality sleep. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i am so thankful every night that i get to do this show, and be on your television sets, and so i want to take a moment to thank you all for watching. thank everybody for coming out tonight, and being here with us. i'm also incredibly thankful that we've started this tradition where i get to spend it with my family. so thank you to my mom, my dad, my brother josh. i want to thank my beautiful wife, not just for being here tonight, and doing okay getting one point. i wanted more, but that's all right. [ laughter ] ou