tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 12, 2022 12:37am-1:37am PDT
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- ken jeong -- star of "girls5eva," actress and comedian paula pell. music from pup featuring the 8g band with derrick wright ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. and now we are going to get to the news president biden spoke today in illinois about his administration's plan to support farmers. although i feel like he should be asking about their plan to
support him. "do you guys got one of those charlotte's web spiders that could write something nice about me?" [ laughter ] while speaking yesterday at the white house about the steps he's taking to curb inflation, president biden acknowledged that democrats "control all three branches of the government." oh, so you are aware [ laughter ] it's like hearing a 6-year--old say genesis was better with peter gabriel. definitely we just didn't know you knew [ laughter ] bill gates announced yesterday that he has tested positive for a breakthrough case of the coronavirus. gates says he probably got the virus because he forgot to install mcafee [ laughter ] that's right bill gates has tested positive for coronavirus. so for now, he's just going to attend meetings on zoom. oh, i mean, microsoft teams! [ laughter ] we all -- we love microsoft teams, everybody
a house intelligence subcommittee is set next week to hold the first open congressional hearing on ufos. oh, come on. how many times are you going to make him testify [ laughter ] according to newly released audio from an interview after the capitol attack, republican senator lindsey graham praised president biden and said he's the "best person to have in office." and then today he said, "i'm gonna let that go to voicemail." actor james cromwell superglued himself to the counter of a starbucks in new york yesterday to protest the chain charging more for plant-based milks while over at dunkin', you kind of just stick to the counter naturally. [ laughter ] thank you very much. [ laughter ] two unoccupied beach houses in
north carolina recently fell into the ocean or, as the realtor put it, 360 degree ocean views a rat ran onto the field during last night's new york mets game. a staff member quickly caught it, and out of habit, tossed it to a kid in the front row. [ laughter ] "hi, baseball rat! i got a baseball rat!" and finally, an alligator was recently spotted in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant in north carolina but this is annoying he had no idea what he wanted. "let's go. let's go you're holding up the line!" and that was a monologue [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause you guys, you guys, we got a great show for you tonight you know him from "community" and "the masked singer," as well as "the hangover."
he's currently starring in "the pentaverate," which is now on netflix ken jeong will be here, everybody. [ cheers and applause she is a legendary snl writer, you know, from "ap bio" bio and "mapleworth murders. she stars in "girls5eva," which is streaming now on peacock. she is a dear friend paula pell will also be joining us [ cheers and applause and they are a great, a great punk band. one of my favorites from toronto, whose latest album, "the unraveling of puptheband" is out now pup is back on the show to perform for us [ cheers and applause but before we get to all that. senate republicans, joined by democrat joe manchin, blocked a bill called the women's health protection act that would codify abortion rights at the federal level. also, we found out yesterday that when he was president, donald trump asked his advisers if china had a hurricane gun that it was using against the united states.
are those two things related i guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: every time you think you're heard the dumbest thing donald trump said or did as president, he somehow finds a way to shock you i didn't even know i still had the capacity to be shocked by trump. it's like how, even after seven seasons of shocking deaths on "game of thrones," i still gasped when littlefinger died. oh, i mean - or he lived. i should have said "spoiler alert," but if you couldn't guess that littlefinger was going to die, then maybe "game of thrones" isn't for you. i mean, he had a goatee, and he talked like this - "lady sansa. you can trust me, lady sansa." now, it might seem weird to be referencing "game of thrones" now, but there is a prequel coming out, and baby littlefinger is in it. littlerfinger. anyway, this has been "the news is super depressing, so seth put a goatee on a baby." [ chiming
the point is, i was still shocked yesterday when "rolling stone" reported that trump kept asking his advisors if china was shooting us with a hurricane gun. according to "rolling stone," near the beginning of trump's time in office, he had a pressing question for his national security aides and administration officials - does china have the secret technology, a weapon even, to create large man-made hurricanes and then launch them at the united states? and if so, would this constitute an act of war by a foreign power, and could the us retaliate militarily trump repeatedly asked about this, according to two former senior administration officials and a third person briefed on the matter and this was at the beginning of his presidency, and somehow his presidency still had a middle and an end can you imagine if you went to starbucks and ordered and the barista said, "uh-huh. now, what exactly is coffee? and then you went back four years later, and that barista was the manager. [ laughter ] also, trump is so [bleep] crazy that he doesn't just ask, does china have a hurricane gun he's got a bunch of follow-ups,
assuming the answer is gonna be yes. [ laughter ] how does he even get to the follow-ups "does china have a hurricane gun? and if so -- "actually, we can just jump in right now and save you some time they do not have a hurricane gun. "right, but if they did -- "they don't. "sure, but if they were to develop one -- "they won't. it's never just one question it's a series of questions i imagine him sitting in a leather chair with a smoking jacket in the study, sherlock style, pondering the implications of his discovery. "is it possible that china is using a hurricane gun to attack us if that is the case, would the use of such a weapon not constitute an act of war against a sovereign country? and if, as international law stipulates, a sovereign nation has the right to defend itself when attacked by an aggressor nation, does that not then imply that the logical response would be to respond with a weapon of our own? perhaps, and i am merely brainstorming here, a tornado cannon."
[ laughter ] maybe this explains why he was so obsessed with how much water there was in hurricanes. he thought china was making them extra wet on purpose >> this is a tough hurricane, one of the wettest we've ever seen, from the standpoint of water it's tremendously big and tremendously wet >> seth: tremendously big and tremendously wet i think that's playing at the art house cinema near my apartment. [ laughter ] it's french, though, so i'm not sure trump's unhinged conspiracy theories matter, because they are the core of the modern gop, a party that has repeatedly said trump is their leader, and if they get their way, will put trump back in power in 2024, either by winning or finishing off the coup they started in 2020 one of our two major political parties is more concerned with conspiracy theories and putting this guy back in the white house than the actual crises we're facing right now, from impending climate disaster to the pandemic to massive wealth inequality, among many other things. senate republicans are holding
up urgent covid relief money, which could lead to a shortage of tests and medicine. and there's even a baby formula shortage, due in large part to monopolistic control of the market and yet shockingly, several senators told "the huffington post" they were unaware of the crisis on monday. i think all these guys are unaware of the baby formula shortage 'cause they're, like, 90 years old i guarantee if there was a werther's original shortage, charles grassley would be on the floor of the senate every day, calling on biden to declare a national emergency they'd immediately pass a bill 100-0 requiring boeing and raytheon to switch from making planes and missiles to making hard candy, which, incidentally, we could then use instead of missiles there's no kevlar in the world that could stop a barrage of werther's originals and ribbon candy, which would make a great scene in an action movie "firing werther's missiles suck on that!" [ laughter ]
"for a long time." >> ♪ highway to th danger zone ♪ [ applause ] double props [ laughter ] it's got to be really good for nbc to pay for two props in "a closer look." they signed off on pipe and then we said, "we need glasses. and they're like, "you've got to choose." and we're like, "trust me, you're gonna want both." [ laughter ] so if senators are too busy to pass covid relief or address climate change or read up on a baby formula shortage, what are they doing well, they're apparently very concerned about a nationwide crime spree involving chalk on sidewalks. >> messages in support of abortion rights or showing up outside the home of republican senator susan collins of maine >> over the weekend, someone used chalk to write on the sidewalk outside of the senator's home in bangor >> maine authorities say the senator called police after the message was drawn.
it says, "susie, please. mainers want whpa. vote yes clean up your mess." >> a spokesperson for bangor police says no crime was committed because the chalk message was not threatening. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's right. susan collins called the cops because someone wrote with chalk on the sidewalk outside her house. does she freak out when there's a yard sale in her neighborhood? [ laughter ] and the note wasn't even threatening! it said "please. although i'm not sure how chalk on a sidewalk could ever be threatening. "oh, my god. it must be a note from the zodiac killer. "fair warning, detective if you step on a crack, you will break your mother's back." [ laughter ] of course, susan collins claims she's pro-choice, but in reality, she and her fellow republicans would much rather spend their time freaking out about polite chalk messages or the identity of the person who leaked the supreme court opinion than the actual substance of
what's happening - that the supreme court is on the verge of erasing a woman's right to bodily autonomy, and that states are already pushing forward with severe new restrictions on reproductive rights despite the fact that it seems very possible a conservative leak the draft opinion to freeze the majority in place, republicans like texas senator ted cruz have been insisting it must be a liberal in order to shift the story away from abortion rights and stay focused on the leak. obviously, cruz doesn't have any evidence, though >> there has never been a leak like this. it can only, in all likelihood, have come from a justice that, i think, is less likely. perhaps one of the clerks, and the leading theory is a conservative clerk who was afraid that one of the conservatives might be persuaded by chief justice roberts to join him in a much more moderate opinion. >> do you have - >> one of these liberal clerk who leaked this. do you have information that suggests that? >> because i'm not a moron because i live on planet earth
>> seth: yeah, you might live here, but clearly you're not from here. i refuse to believe that voice is actually human. you sound like you swallowed a kazoo, and that beard definitely looks like a disguise you'd see in "men in black." [ laughter ] "i'm simply asking why the biden administration refuses to do anything about the rising price of sugar water." so we don't know who the leaker is. [ coughs ] ginni thomas [ coughs ] but republicans would much rather focus on the leak than the substance of the bill they blocked today, because preserving roe v wade is massively popular. in fact, they're so desperate to distract from the fallout of what the supreme court is about to do that cruz went on fox news this week to claim, ludicrously, that protests against the supreme court's action were somehow worse than the violent coup attempt trump and cruz fomented on january 6th. >> on january 6th of 2021, you had tens of thousands of people peacefully protesting, and yet the corporate media and democrats slander them with the made up term "insurrectionist. and yet, in this instance, they
are not willing to call off their goons. >> seth: yeah. why is the corporate democratic media slandering all those patriots who peacefully smashed windows and stormed the capitol, but refusing to crack down on the thugs and goons who are violently writing coded messages in chalk has the world turned right-side up by the way, ted cruz knows what he's doing here. he originally called the insurrection a violent terrorist attack, but then the extreme pro-insurrection wing of his party, led by guys like tucker carlson, got mad at him, so he had to reverse himself and go on fox news to grovel for forgiveness. and now to please trump and the maga base, he's doubling down on calling january 6th a peaceful protest. next, he's going to claim he was just flying to cancun to escape the hurricane gun. "they had it aimed right at texas, but thankfully, we were able to neutralize it with president trump's hurricane wall made out of werther's. you can't get through it you can't get through a werther's wall." we're facing a series of major crises, from the rising cost of living to extreme wealth
inequality, to impending climate disaster, to a deadly respiratory disease that's still spreading, to a supreme court that's poised to erase reproductive rights and the bodily autonomy of tens of millions of women. and yet republicans would rather whine and throw tantrums about leaks and sidewalk chalk these people talk about leaks so much, you think their pants were - >> tremendously wet. [ laughter ] [ applause ] this has been "a closer look," baby [ applause ] ♪ we'll be right back with ken jeong. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: give it up for the fantastic 8g band, right over there, you guys! [ cheers and applause joining us once again on drums, he's a new york-based musician and producer who's worked with some of the world's top artists, such as adele, toni braxton, talia, and ben platt derrick wright is here with us thank you so much, derrick, for being here [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is a talented actor and comedian you know from shows like "community" and "the masked singer" and films such as "the hangover," "knocked up," and "crazy rich asians." he stars in "the pentaverate," which is streaming now on netflix.
let's take a look. >> this is awesome, man! i've always wanted to be kidnapped. it's been one of my dreams so, bucket list. [ laughs ] you guys mind telling me where we're going? no okay, cool spoils the mystery yeah, respect. >> apply the blindfold, please >> blindfold okay, yes, please. [ laughs ] my safe word is "excelsior." oh oh, it's the pilot why is it on a pilot is this, like, a "fifty shades" type deal? >> seth: please welcome back to the show our good friend ken jeong, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back, my friend how are you? >> thank you it is so good to be here live. >> seth: it's so lovely to have you here live.
>> god, the last few times, it's been over zoom >> seth: we've zoomed it a few times. it's great to have you here in person it's also, they're very lucky to have you in person in sacramento you were honored for asian-american pacific islander month. >> yeah, there is -- in california, it's asian pacific islander heritage month, and they honored seven honorees in excellence in different fields, where there was activism mine was overacting. and so it was really great [ laughter ] and it was such an honor and i honestly, in all seriousness, want to thank you, because i think the last time i was on the show via zoom, you let me talk about, you know, just in terms of what had happened in atlanta a year ago and all the various efforts to stop asian hate. so, thank you for giving me the platform and thank you for continuing to raise awareness on on all issues. >> seth: well, thank you >> i appreciate that [ applause ] no, it's - yeah
>> seth: i will say, i'm a little jealous you got to do this show with mike myers "the pentaverate" is a mike myers show, six episodes, where mike plays eight characters and only mike myers could play more characters than actual episodes [ laughter ] >> yes in my career, i can barely play one, you know? and so, honestly, it was one of my favorite projects i've ever been involved in, in my life, because mike is one of my heroes he's one of the reasons i got into comedy. he's one of the reasons i left my day job, you know, as a doctor he's that powerful in my worldview. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, i will leave the most stable field of medicine only through the power of a mike myers, that will allow me to overact and get an excellent award in sacramento. that's what i'm saying [ applause ] >> seth: i like you telling -- >> [ laughs westside >> seth: yeah, i like you, because the idea of you telling the head of a medical institution that you were
leaving and then, like, showing a picture of fat bastard and being like, "it was him. >> it was him. >> seth: this man made a very convincing case. >> "i'm gonna get inside his belly yeah >> seth: and he wrote this part with you in mind, which is, i mean, what high praise >> i mean, the whole thing has been so surreal to be a part of, and now so sublime to even talk about it i've known mike for a few years, since the days of him hosting "the gong show." >> seth: yeah. >> he was playing a character also, tommy maitland so, we got to be good buddies just hanging out afterwards. afterwards, they would always have - like, when we'd wrap, they turned the whole stage system at sony into a into a bar and i literally went on "the gong show," i think six times just so i could drink with mike myers. that was my only goal. and so we would hang out and talk and then, a couple years later, he told me he wrote a part with me in mind and of course, i was just like, "i'll be your medic. i'll do whatever you want. and just to watch his process, truly he's the g.o.a.t., in
terms of, like, he's not just the star, he's the showrunner. he is the guy, literally on the call sheet, it says "showrunner, mike myers." so when he's writing and creating his own universe of all these characters with his specificity and tone, and then he's so involved, like, in the post and the marketing of it, just i've never seen a more complete performer in comedy than mike. and just it truly is, again, just an honor to be a part of. >> seth: the few times i've been lucky enough to be in a room with him, you realize there's this incredible attention to detail and how hard he works to make it look as easy as he - >> it was, like, almost like improv comedy summer camp for me it really didn't matter to me what my involvement was at the end. i just wanted - he was, like, coaching me and guiding me through it. and he gave me a wig >> seth: he gave you a super fun wig. >> he gave me a super -- >> seth: the kind of wig you probably should have >> probably, yes, you know i think i could be an influence with that wig. >> seth: i think so, too >> i think i could
>> seth: i'd listen to what this guy had to say about vacation spots and skin care. >> yeah, exactly "take care of the pores, yo. [ laughter ] >> seth: and you know, with you and mike involved, i thought there might be a chance for some nudity [ laughter ] and there is >> and there is. >> seth: but kind of a little heartbroken. >> why >> seth: it wasn't you >> what? the shocking part of the nudity is that i'm not nude in it >> seth: yeah. >> it's out front. it's progressive >> seth: yeah. >> been there, done that, for a lot of money [ laughter ] and so it really was just, again, watching. watching mike go is something else >> seth: and the "snl" makeup genius, louie -- >> yes, shout-out to louie zakarian >> seth: yes, yes. >> he does all the prosthetics and makeup on "snl." he flew in, i think, right after the finale, to london. and to see hair and makeup, to
see british hair and - "oh, no, king louie is coming. oh, we've got to be careful. they had the red carpet out for him, and he - is the nicest, most humble guy. and honestly, this, "pentaverate," to me, is just as much louie's show as it is mike's, cause you really get to see all the work and all the hours that it takes to play the different characters i can't say enough great things about both louie and mike. it was just -- i'm just so honored. >> seth: i was very excited to hear apple tv's "the afterparty" is coming back for a second season even more excited to hear that you're joining the cast for season two that's great. >> yes, thank you. just hot off the presses, it got announced -- i'll be in season two of "the afterparty" by the geniuses chris miller and phil lord. they did "lego movie," "cloudy with a chance of meatballs >> seth: great guys, as well >> great guys. and it's actually -- me and my wife, it's our favorite show to binge-watch and i literally was just watching it, and ben schwartz is a buddy of mine. i'm watching, and he just steals the season for me. and i'm like, "oh, my gosh
it's my favorite show. i wish i was relevant and young enough to be on, you know, that kind of show." and just to get the call to be a part of it again is just so surreal. >> seth: i'm gonna ask a true question will your wife be less inclined to watch it if you're in it? [ laughter ] >> i'll never tell [ laughter ] >> seth: ken jeong, everybody! "the pentaverate" is streaming now on netflix we'll be right back with paula pell thanks, man. [ cheers and applause ♪ (dad allen) you know when you see a great deal on a phone, and then realize it's not for you? not at verizon. (mom allen) yep, they just gave us all a brand new iphone 13. (dad allen) we've been customers for years. (dad brown) i thought new phones were for new customers? we got iphone 13s, too. switched to verizon 2 minutes ago. (mom brown) ours were busted and we still got a shiny new one. (boy brown) check it out! (dad allen) so, wait. everybody gets the same great deal?
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peacock, with new episodes released on thursdays. let's take a look. >> welcome, girls5eva. how you feeling today, ladies? >> blessed >> great >> amusing >> godlike [ laughter ] godlike. >> okay, now, i hear you are about to go back into the studio to record your first album since 2k01 now, is that accurate? >> absolutely, nathan. we start next week, and we're just super excited >> i love new york i like to eat burgers and look at the skyline >> yes, and we're hungry to get back at it, right, ladies? >> absolutely. >> yum, yum, chomp, chomp. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, the wonderful paula pell [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪
>> seth: hello, paula! >> oh! the orgasm of a live audience. [ laughter ] oh >> seth: congratulations [ laughter ] >> do you know that my parents say that when they were in high school, that if a girl was a little, you know, fast, they called them round heels 'cause they went back easy. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] we just talked about round heels. and a lot of the younger generation had not heard the term >> yeah, round heel. >> seth: and then they go, "why is it 'round heel'?" and then you explain it, and they go, "oh, yeah." [ laughter ] >> i was a very flat heel. i was a flat-footed lady that just standed there and held people's purses while they had sex with others. >> seth: they called you a "glue foot." >> yeah, a glue foot [ laughter ] hi, seth >> seth: hi so - this is fantastic. the second season is so much fun just so we explain, in that scene we watched, your character had recently had knee surgery and was on some percocet >> yes, i was very, very, very
hammered on percocet in that scene. that's not my normal character, but it was a little liam gallagher-esque and i decide to try to power through and not get a knee replacement at the beginning of the season, which actually mirrors that i had one of my knee replacements collapse last summer before we shot. and i was in a panic, and i found out that they were gonna have to completely redo it so they wrote it in the show, and they basically said, "paula, this is the most on-character thing" for this lesbian dentist that i play, that i have a knee replacement. [ laughter ] so it was the kind of sexy story line that goes with my character. >> seth: you did some very subtle face acting, and i know this is a thing that you have perfected over the years and i would love to show it to maybe some of the younger thespians out there. >> you know, my best friend, james anderson, who, you know, has written every funny thing you've ever seen on "saturday night live." he and i used to, in college, do a journey where we would go from one thing to another, but we had to take our time
we had to really take our time with our facial journey. >> seth: so, why don't you go over there to camera one, and i'm gonna give you two emotions, and you take the journey for us, okay nauseous to horny. >> okay. [ laughter ] this is nauseous to horny. [ hiccups [ breathing heavily [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> seth: nice. really nice. do you want more for us? >> uh, sure. >> seth: let's do, um -- give me a little disappointed to furious. >> to furious? okay [ sighing [ light laughter ] [ chuckles ]
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ sighing ohh. >> seth: now - you know, really, these new knees seem to be doing great >> they're doing good. this is a good commercial for my doctor >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> and since i have such long legs - look how long they are [ laughter ] >> seth: so, your arm is a hand longer than your leg [ laughter ] but you have to do a lot of 2005 girl-group choreography in the show the knees held up for that >> yes we are laughing a lot when we shoot these scenes because i am a theater nerd, and i did a lot of, like - ♪ oklahoma ♪ like, really corny, corny-ass good musical theater dance and i've never done any -- big surprise, i've never done any hip-hop dancing. [ laughter ]
and so when we're in the show and we're shooting some of these scenes where we have to really do some hip-hop dancing, there will be a time, after i've really learned it, where i say to myself, "am i killing this? am i kind of a sexy, older gray fox that's really killing this?" and then i watch it back in the actual show, and i look like i just got a colonoscopy, and i'm still working off the drugs and i'm looking for my purse i'm kind of like - [ laughter ] like, i think, in my head, i'm just like, really nailing it and then i look and i'm just kind of wandering and looking. and they cut away from me a lot. they cut to all the other girls 'cause they're they're fantastic. >> seth: your wonderful wife, janine, i was backstage, i got to see her and you guys were driving recently and -- this is a wonderful thing about a relationship, you notice things that you're surprised you missed early on. >> yes, janine is very, very, very nice, a very great, hilarious and comedically
brilliant person, but she also has a surprising amount of road rage that simmers just under the surface. and it never comes out she's not, like, someone to get out of a car or anything, but she will do a lot of, like front-seat, passenger-seat driving with me if i'm driving then, i get nervous and then i don't feel like i'm driving well and so i finally put the hammer down, 'cause she does a lot of these. she'll do this or this, or that, that [ laughter ] i'm like, "how about this way? [ laughter ] but i don't know if you can blur that out [ laughter ] but so she does do a lot of that, and she gets very frustrated and sarcastic to drivers. so the minute she gets in the seat to drive, she's like, "fantastic oh, you're not gonna go left oh, you're not you're just gonna hover there? that's great." and i have this stomachache. so i said, "i'm driving to the city, and i don't want you i've put the hammer down don't tell me what to do when i'm driving. i will keep you safe you're not allowed to do that. it makes me a worse driver cause
i'm nervous. so, we start driving the other day, and we're getting close to the exit and this is a drive i've taken for years. i used to commute to "snl" from, like, up in the hudson valley, and i know it, like, in my bones where to turn. and she starts singing this little, like, character song that's passive-aggressively telling me where the hell to go. so she's like -- ♪ we're goin' on the palisades parkway ♪ ♪ this is when we would turn right m [ laughter ] ♪ let's take a little right right here ♪ and i was like, "are you doing a character to try to passive-aggressively boss my ass around on the road?" >> seth: that's a very charming way to do it i got to give her credit for that i have a lot more questions for you. we'll be right back with more from paula pell! [ cheers and applause ♪
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night. we're here with paula pell, one of the stars of "girls5eva." you actually encountered somebody who had road rage towards you. >> yes, i had something happen out in los angeles a few years ago, where i was on sepulveda. and if you've never been to l.a., it's, you know, a lot -- someone's like, "sepulveda!" [ laughter ] it's along the main highway, but it's like another side road, sort of a frontage road, as they would say. but it has a lot of lights and so, you know, if the traffic is in complete hell -- friday-afternoon hell, you're never going anywhere you're just waiting for the next light, and then you scoot up like seven feet and then you scoot up seven feet. so it takes forever and ever, and you age many years in the car in l.a and so i was in the car, going home, perfectly good mood on a friday and i'm driving, and i look back
in my rearview mirror, and this guy is losing his mind, screaming at who i thought was driving next to him. and he had this red brand-new cadillac he had, you know, a suit on. very, you know, cleaned-up and he was just losing his mind. i'm like, "ooh, this is something fun to watch you know, it's a good television show to watch. and so i'm, like, kind of checking out, laughing about it. and then i see him peel up next to me, and he's screaming at me. he's screaming at me through the closed window. and so i finally was just like, i did my window and i said, "what's your issue what's your problem? and he said -- get ready, guys. there aren't kids here, right? he said, say one more word, you fat [bleep.] >> seth: whoo! [ audience groans >> and here's my thing i do not care for a fat-person male making a fat woman, calling her fat, because this guy was fatter than me so i turn to him and i go, "you're calling me fat?!
that was my first thing. i said, "you're calling me fat?" and he had what i like to call, i named it a "furtle-neck," which is when you're fat and you grow a beard, a guy grows a beard in that fat part under here, and it's kind of like nature's shading it's like trying to shade. [ laughter ] like, "i'm not buying it i can see the lobster roll under the hair." but so i got so crazy mad at him, and -- and i was just, like, beyond and we weren't going anywhere. it wasn't like, you know - and so i just turned to him and i went - "well, guess what buddy? it's your lucky day because i'm a police officer." [ laughter ] and he's like, "you are not! and i go, "spin the wheel, baby, spin the wheel." [ laughter ] and so then what i did, every light, was create a tableau of something i was doing that looked police-officer-like so he
would fecalize his suit pants and get really scared. so, every time we'd get to another light, i'd be like - [ laughter ] and i have a good kind of -- cop energy, so, you know it was viable [ laughter ] and every single time we got to another light, and i kind of started running out of things, so i was trying to, like, take weird objects and be, like, scanning i was trying to, like -- i kept looking over at his car and trying to, you know, look like that, but - >> seth: and how long ago was that >> that was a day after the statute of limitations for getting in trouble for pretending you're a police officer. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, thank you for celebrating the day after our anniversary. >> yeah. >> seth: paula pell! >> don't do that [ cheers and applause >> seth: don't do that paula pell, "girls5eva," streaming on peacock new episodes released on thursday we'll be right back with music from pup [ cheers and applause
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: i love these guys they're currently on tour promoting their album, "the unraveling of puptheband." the band back on the show, performing "waiting" with special guest, one of my other favorites, jeff rosenstock give it up for pup, everybody! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ tied up in the wrong stuf when you're attracte to violenc i know it's a problem ♪ ♪ your face is glued to the back of my eyelids and in the church basement with my anarchist leanings ♪
♪ i'm only there to see you thursday nights at the aa meeting and if you don't want ♪ ♪ me around why am waiting yeah, i'm still waitin right here for you ♪ ♪ i'm still waiting i should be taking a sabbatical from yo sunday mornings, coffee ♪ ♪ with your friends before your french lessons and me, i je ne sais pas i'm still working on that ♪ ♪ passive aggressio 200 bucks a week to talk about my lack of direction i've got a bit of a ♪ ♪ complex min cas
♪ ♪ waiting yeah, i'm still waitin right here for you ♪ ♪ i'm still waiting i'm not taking a sabbatica from you ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: pup and jeff rosenstock, everybody "the unraveling of puptheband" is out now for tour dates, go to puptheband.com we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: i want to thank my guests, ken jeong, paula pell, pup and jeff rosenstock, everybody. i want to thank derrick wright and the 8g band. stay safe. get vaccinated get boosted. we love you, everybody have a good night. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ right now at 11:00, breaking news. multi-million dollar homes in
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