Skip to main content

tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  December 23, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PST

11:35 pm
tomorrow morning at 4-30. stephen colbert is up next. >> our next newscast at 4:30 in the morning. it will be christmas eve. >> merry christmas eve eve. >> welcome stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the late show, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) very nice. thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear.
11:36 pm
i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! ( cheers and applause ) you feel it. thank you. welcome to the late show, everybody, thanks so much, i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight. because for once i have good news. and here it is. donald trump was attacked by a bald eagle. ( cheers and applause ) it was during a photo shoot for "time" magazine back in august. but "time" just released the footage.
11:37 pm
here's the thing, everyone's having a good time with that footage of trump. and here at the late show we have enjoyed a joke or 50 or 60 at donald's expense. but when it comes to our endangered species, and i mean this very seriously-- ( cheers and applause ) ( inaudible speaking ) thank you, thank you.
11:38 pm
i appreciate it. what i'm hoping to say here... jon! so nice, jon stewart, everybody! fantastic, jon, this is lovely. this is so wonderful. what brings you to this neck of the television? >> i'm terribly sorry to interrupt. >> stephen: no, this is great! >> i wanted to-- there's actually, i'm here for a reason. there is a big vote coming up in congress to re-authorize health benefits for 9/11 first responders. ( applause ) >> stephen: i know about that-- it's called the zadroga act. it is a slam dunk, everybody wants that, right? everybody wants that. ( cheers and applause ) >> if i may, everybody human. but congress is-- if i could
11:39 pm
make a last minute pitch to them? >> stephen: sure, absolutely, go ahead, just give it your best shot. >> thank you, my brother. >> stephen: have a seat, everybody. >> have a seat, here we go, here we go, for a second i actually thought they were leaving. here we go. after the sacrifice that our first responders made-- >> stephen: boring! sorry, jon, sorry. i hate to go pro on you here, but you've been out of the game for a while. that's got no zazz, all right? you want people to pay attention? >> sure, okay, okay. >> stephen: no one is going to listen to you unless you, i don't know how to put this, trump it up a little bit. you got to trump it up. face it, jon, the media won't pay attention to anything-- it won't pay attention to anything at all unless you are donald trump. all right, mark, do we have that? here, we keep-- ( cheers and applause )
11:40 pm
i keep one of these standing by in case i ever have to say something important. >> sure, no, i understand. >> stephen: shall we do it? >> i-- i would rather not. >> stephen: you probably should. do you want the attention or not, jon? >> i do. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: please, please. ( laughter ) >> the zadroga act is an important piece of legislation-- >> stephen: i have to stop you right there, something else is missing. can i have some makeup, please. thank you very much. >> i just wanna-- ( laughter ) >> i was just going to tell
11:41 pm
them-- i think that's trump enough. >> stephen: think so? some cultures they put this above the door for passover. there you go, my friend. all right, all right. now, now you're ready for people to pay attention to your message, all right. >> all right. >> stephen: i will step out of here. you bring da noise, bring da trump. >> all right. >> 9/11 first responders-- >> stephen: bring da trump! >> these 9/11 first responders-- let me tell you something, hey, these 9/11 first responders are the most top notch first class diamond encrusted heroes america can produce. don't let congress play politics with this necessary bill. if i'm elected, and i will be elected, i will build a wall around politics and i will make
11:42 pm
politics pay for it. tweet, at your congressman with the hashtag #worstresponders. tell them donald said pull up your big boy pants and make america great again. pass the zadroga act or i will glue congress together, dip them in gold and wear them around my friggin' neck. classy, fantastic, sex, orange. oh! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: yes, my friend, that-- people heard that. they heard that. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. >> stephen: i hope congress did too. >> all right, thank you. >> stephen: people hear that. come here, my friend. thank you. now we've got a great show for you tonight. we've got a great show. i will be sitting down with superstar action man bruce willis. ( cheers and applause ) he's starring in the broadway version of "misery." >> he's a good friend of mine,
11:43 pm
he an i will defeat isis hand to hand. >> stephen: also i will be talking to best selling author of "the big short" michael lewis, everybody. >> i like books, love books. he's got good books. >> stephen: he's got excellent books. keep moving to the next one, and let's see, keep going. we will have a performance,-- we're free falling. >> we're free falling here, oh! >> stephen: we'll have a performance by hip-hop artist lizzo. >> oh, 100%, a hundred percent black rappers support donald. ( band playing ) ahh! is that an eagle, is that an eagle? >> stephen: it's not an eagle. it's not an eagle. try to snap out of character. it's not an eagle donald jon. that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> very nice! >> stephen: now before-- before they kick things off, one more thing, here in new york city burglars broke into gwyneth
11:44 pm
paltrow's goop store and made off with $173,000 worth of merchandise. >> $173,000, that's right, they stole two pillows. oh! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> tonight, stephen welcomes bruce willis. author michael lewis. and a musical performance by lizzo. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause )
11:45 pm
>> stephen: thanks everybody! thanks so much! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheetos dust on jon stewart is a great-- it's a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for some of my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass, or saying the rosary, or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. but of course without a doubt my favorite catholic ritual that i no longer have time for is confession. well, even if i can't sit down with my priest, i still have a
11:46 pm
lot to get off my conscience. and i feel like i can say anything to you, my audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> no! >> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. ♪ ♪ just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they are things i feel really guilty about, okay? i will be right back. forgive me, audience. i-- ( laughter ) forgive me, audience, i give to the homeless, but only when i'm trying to get rid of pennies. i kind of like yankee candle.
11:47 pm
i am a 51-year-old man, but i can name every member of taylor swift's girl squad. sometimes instead of paying a toll on the highway, i just drive through, yelling "i'm stephen colbert!" ( cheers and applause ) i never pitch in for pizza, but i always take the last slice. ( laughter ) i tell people that my fists are named "slayer" and "dominator," but they're really named "ross" and "rachel." ( laughter ) audience, i actually like the npr pledge drive.
11:48 pm
it makes me feel like i'm wanted. sometimes, sometimes i use my foot to make lines in the carpet so it looks like i vacuumed. ( laughter ) when i'm in other people's houses, i look through their medicine cabinets. ( laughter ) those were actually tic tacs. and i regret having put them on a pizza. ( laughter ) one time a little kid asked me if famous people like me go to the bathroom. i lied and told him, "yes."
11:49 pm
( laughter ) sometimes i look at a shampoo bottle and i think, "shouldn't they have tested this on animals first?" ( laughter ) last week, when i was talking with barack obama... i don't have anything to confess, i just wanted to say that last week i was talking with barack obama. ( cheers and applause ) my dog isn't really a service dog, i just bought him a vest online so i could take him to the movies with me. ( laughter ) we're gonna go see "star wars"! do do do do do! you want some pizza? you want some pizza, have some pizza. ( laughter )
11:50 pm
that wasn't my real dog. ( laughter ) and i'm guessing i wasn't supposed to feed him pizza. every year i go on my wikipedia page and i make myself one inch taller. ( laughter ) when i catch a fish, i always throw it back, but only after staring into its eyes and saying, "you owe me one." forgive me, audience. >> we forgive you! >> stephen: thanks. i feel a lot better. stick around, we've got bruce willis. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ we are in the age of ageless.
11:51 pm
age neutral. age defiant. age agnostic. olay is a purveyor of ageless. only the best 1% of ingredients make it into our products. for transformed skin without expensive brands or procedures. it's the ultimate beauty victory. nobody has any idea how old you are. with olay, you age less. so you can be ageless. olay. ageless.
11:52 pm
there had to be people willing before thto fight for it,ation, to take on the world's greatest challenges, whatever they might be. so, the u.s. army masters not only tactics and strategy, but also physics and chemistry. we make battle plans and create breakthroughs - in medicine, science and engineering. our next mission could be anything. so we prepare for everything. ♪
11:53 pm
11:54 pm
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an honest to god movie star. you know him from "pulp fiction" "die hard" and "the expendables." now he is making his broadway
11:55 pm
debut in the broadway play "misery." please welcome bruce willis. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: hey, man. >> hey, man. >> stephen: hey, tough guy, how are you? >> couldn't be more frightened. >> stephen: really? of the audience, of? >> of you, you. >> stephen: terrified of me? >> for many, many years i have been not necessarily you, but your comedy. >> stephen: terrified of my comedy? >> i could never be that funny. could never-- >> stephen: i could never be as tough as you, man, because you're like a quintessential-- see, that's it. that's it, man, i got to get that.
11:56 pm
i got to get that. you have five daughters, right? >> i do have five daughters. >> stephen: does that stare come in handy when their dates come to pick them up? >> not yet. it has never worked. >> stephen: just hand them like a dvd collection of your work and say, "have her back by 11:00, my friend." >> that's right. >> stephen: have your daughters turned you into a softie because you seem like a tough guy, but have they made you a softie? >> i have to admit that, well, one of my children, i actually beat-- for the love of me, for the life of me, i can't remember her-- oh, rumor, my oldest daughter, i once-- >> stephen: she's 27. >> she's 27 years old. she earns her own money. >> stephen: that's nice. do you ever hit her up for cash? you're doing theater now and that doesn't pay well. ( laughter ) you clearly can't afford a shave. ( applause )
11:57 pm
>> yes. going do to be down to here by february. >> stephen: exactly. you are doing the theater now, making your broadway debut in misery, which is-- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: based on the stephen king book. made into a movie and everything. >> horrifying. >> stephen: it is horrifying, a horrifying story. are people horrified when they watch it? >> not necessarily. they laugh at some of the most disturbing moments. >> stephen: really? >> of the play. and no one seems to be able to explain it. of why people are laughing. >> stephen: like, what might-- >> well, when someone gets shot dead right on stage with a double barreled shotgun and everybody goes, "oh, yeah, that's really cool, that's good." i don't know what that audience was-- that that happened. >> stephen: new yorkers are tough people. >> they are. and for good reason. >> stephen: has stephen king
11:58 pm
seen this yet? >> is this my water by the way? i'm sorry to interrupt. >> stephen: it's been there for a couple of days. go ahead. i don't think-- >> refreshing. get a little bit in my beard and see if that happens. >> stephen: has stephen king seen this yet? hold on, let me get an egg timer before you answer. ( laughter ) >> i don't think so, so far. we have not seen-- >> stephen: he's a good guy. we had him on the show. >> no way. >> stephen: yeah, we had him on the show, he is a very good guy, came sitting in the chair right there. >> he came out of maine. came out of hiding. >> stephen: yeah, we shipped him in from maine. he just appeared in a puff of smoke, actually. >> you think you can get him to come down to the broadhurst theater? >> stephen: oh, hell, yeah, i will call him up, stephen, are you up there, you, me, we go see "misery" together, it's a deal, all right. i will tell you what he says back. >> okay. ( laughter ).
11:59 pm
>> stephen: can i say something i'm jealous about. i understand you spend 80% of this play in a bed. that's a sweet gig. ( laughter ) >> yeah, it's a good gig, it's a good gig. it's a small bed. it's a long way to the floor. >> stephen: you're one big action guy, been in some of the biggest action films in the world. a lot of action guys like tom cruise say, they did all their own stunts. do-- did you ever, like, back in the day, did you do your own stunts. >> of course. >> stephen: really? >> you have to. >> stephen: like bare foot across the glass in "die hard" and that kind of stuff? >> yeah. >> stephen: why do you need to do that, what is the purpose of that, no offense? >> for the audience, for, you know-- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: for the audience. i know, okay, but you don't do it any more, i assume. >> oh no, i still do it, i still do it. >> stephen: you are 60 years old? >> 60 years old this year. >> stephen: i find it hard to believe you still do your own
12:00 am
stunts. >> well, i feel that i-- i would let people down if i didn't do my own stunts. >> stephen: okay. so i guess you do your own stunts, then. ( laughter ) i don't-- i mean with all due respect, i find that hard to believe, that a man who spends most of his time lying down on the job these days, actually does his own stunts, please take that with respect. i mean it with respect, but i don't believe you. >> don't believe it, huh? >> stephen: no, i do not. >> well, now you're in trouble. now that's a problem. ( applause ) >> come out from behind the desk. ( applause ). >> stephen: yeah. >> hands in pockets, buddy. >> stephen: you want to go? >> it's already begun.
12:01 am
>> stephen: you look tired, bruce. let me get you a chair. >> stephen: that's what i'm talking about, willis. ( applause ) >> ( muttering ) --colbert! >> colbert! >> stephen: i'm gluten free, you son of a bitch.
12:02 am
>> are you not entertained? ( cheers and applause ) ( grunting ) >> stephen: how did you get so strong, you magnificent bastard? >> yippee kai yay, william faulkner. ( applause )
12:03 am
>> stephen: bruce, i owe you an apology. look, i'm sorry for doubting you. >> i've got to be honest with you, stephen. i-- i don't do my own stunts. >> stephen: son of a bitch! >> oh, that one hurt. >> stephen: bruce willis, everyone! "misery" at the broadhurst theater through february 14. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪
12:04 am
12:05 am
love smart solutions? try philips norelco shavers 72 rotating blades cutting hair growing in every direction. so you can be your best you. philips norelco save up to 50 dollars on philips norelco no...you know when i got sick my mom used to make me chicken noodle soup. aw, ok... you should call your mom. bye. campbell's chicken noodle soup. there when no one else is. campbell's. made for real, real life. are you sure that's gonna work here? yeah, why wouldn't it? i've just never seen anyone pay with their phone here. i think those only work at like, fancy grocery stores. we fancy. introducing samsung pay, the new mobile payment that works almost anywhere your cards can be swiped or tapped. and now, get a $50 best buy gift card
12:06 am
when you activate samsung pay and register a compatible card. ♪
12:07 am
♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back. my next guest is the best selling author of "the blind side," "moneyball," and "the big
12:08 am
short," which was just turned into a movie. please welcome michael lewis. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: all right. as i was saying before, you've written some of the most fascinating nonfiction books out there. "flash boys," "blind side," "boomerang," "liar's poker," "moneyball." and "the big short." now being made into a movie. >> yeah. ( applause ). >> stephen: ryan gosling, brad pitt, steve carrell. christian bale. tell the people out there, just a quick education, because you're better at educating people about complicated things than anybody i know.
12:09 am
>> that's a bad set up. but go ahead. >> stephen: you have complicated things like wall street, you are like america's liver. you take a complicated thing and break it down into a nutritional supplement for us. so what's a short on wall street, what is shorting? >> to bet against. so normally you think of investing, you are buying something. >> stephen: i think your company will do well. >> it will go up. but if you actually take a dim view of a company and you think its stock price is going to go down, you can short it. and how you do that is you borrow-- if i was going to short it to you. >> stephen: yeah. >> i find someone who owned it like some i.b.m. stock, i would borrow it from them, pay them a fee to borrow it and sell it to you. i don't own it, so i'm betting on, to buy it back from you later at a cheaper price, so i'm betting against it. and in this case, this is a story of the financial crisis. the financial crisis organized itself, the wall street organized itself around a giant bet.
12:10 am
kind of hundreds of billions of dollars bet on subprime mortgage bonds. >> stephen: leading up to the 2008 financial crisis. >> most of the inside of wall street was long, they owned subprime mortgage bonds. and the guys in the movies, the guys in the book were betting, they saw it coming and were betting against it. >> stephen: how many people saw this sort of thing coming? you say that wall street was long, like everybody on wall street was like, how is this. >> i think it's fair to say that up until almost the very end, all the big wall street banks, certainly the regulators, most investors didn't really see it coming. when i was working on the book, i remember asking the question, who was on the right side, like who were the smart people, all these banks were the stupid money. and that was the thing that was shocking to me. you have these banks that have had called, like the best and the brightest from america's best universities, for 30 years, they ship these people in, and they commit mass suicide. i mean they make this-- these horrible investment decisions.
12:11 am
the one thing they are supposed to do, right, is figure out where you put capital, where you lend money. and they poured hundreds of billions of dollars into these bad loans. so who were the ones on the other side? oddballs, mainly. they were maybe kind of a dozen or 15 people, all together, who- - >> stephen: all together? >> no, no, who-- >> stephen: there are hundreds of thousands of people. >> let me qualify, who went all in, they said this is the bet of a lifetime to bet against the system, against what these banks are doing. and who really, essentially risked their careers making the bet. lots of investors made little bets. the guys who laid it all on the line, not very many. >> stephen: christian bale, what is his character? >> dr. michael berry. >> stephen: and he goes into goldman sachs or one of these big investment banks and says will you sell me something called a subprime mortgage credit default swap. >> he is buying insurance on the bond. so it's like if i think your house is going to burn down and
12:12 am
i want to bet on it, i could buy insurance on your house. >> stephen: are you betting my house would burn down? >> that is kind of what he is saying. he's saying, "i think your house will burn down and i want to buy insurance on it." sells me the insurance. i don't own the house. >> stephen: aren't you, don't you have an incentive to become an arsonist? >> yes, you do. >> stephen: people did lose their homes, but the banks did not go out of business because we bailed them out and did not break them up. >> true. >> stephen: was that a bad idea? >> yes, yes. >> stephen: why? ( applause ) because i had bernanke on the show. i have had in that chair, i have had hillary clinton, ben bernanke. he said you had to save them, nothing to do, the whole house come a'tumbling down if you didn't. hillary clinton said it was a mistake. next time we can't bail them out and have to break them up. >> so, i think what they failed to appreciate, when they resuscitated these places and let them stay in business, that they would proceed then to not only get bigger, even bigger,
12:13 am
that's the amazing thing, but also to start to meddle in the process to reform them, and to sort of like throw their political thought into preventing any kind of change. so misreading the political consequences of letting them survive. so it would have made-- it would have been much easier to reform the system if the banks weren't there paying lobbyists, paying politicians to stop it from happening. >> stephen: is there something right now, i mean there must be something right now that a handful of people are shorting, but the rest of us just have no idea about, that is just waiting out there like a spider to catch us. >> i'm just a writer. i am not-- >> stephen: well, you used to do this, you used to do this. >> but i sucked at it. >> stephen: did you sell bad bonds? >> that's putting it a little too crudely. >> stephen: yes or no question, senator, yes or no question. >> yeah, absolutely. you are continually put in the position of having to sell stuff the bank wants to unload. so absolutely, absolutely. do you absolve me, can i go in the confessional? >> stephen: do you forgive him? >> we forgive you!
12:14 am
>> i'm so sorry. i'm half of who i was before i came. >> stephen: don't go anywhere. you're staying right there. "the big short" opens in new york and los angeles tomorrow, and nationwide december 23. michael lewis, everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪
12:15 am
a box. what's this? it takes worn out things and makes them better. it's our biggest breakthrough yet. we're taking worn out batteries and making them into something strong. energizer ecoadvanced. world's first long lasting battery made with 4% recycled batteries. who's the rebel now? no way. yes way! savor breakfast any time you like. eggs, sizzling sausage, hot cakes, real butter. mcdonald's all day breakfast menu.
12:16 am
yeah! it's time to start breaking some rules.
12:17 am
,,,, ♪ how else do you think he gets around so fast? take the reins this holiday and get the mercedes-benz you've always wanted during the winter event. hurry, offers end january 4th! ♪ ♪
12:18 am
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. now folks, i don't know what your weekend plans are. and don't say getting those shelves up in the garage because we both know that you're lying. but i'm going to go see "in the heart of the sea." it's a new blockbuster film about the 19th century ship, "the essex," which was attacked by a giant whale. and because it's a ron howard film, probably a giant mermaid. what's really interesting is that "in the heart of the sea" tells the true story that inspired herman melville to write "moby dick," which of course is widely considered to be the greatest american novel that does not involve da vinci codes. now i know it's possible that some of you may not have read "moby dick," no judgement. it's an 800-page novel that includes multiple chapters with the ancient art of scrimshaw-- isn't everybody's cup of ambergris.
12:19 am
it doesn't matter if you never picked it up or have read it and consider yourself a bit of a "moby dick"-head. this movie is the perfect time to brush up on an american classic. so hear to help us right now is professor of american studies at columbia university and renowned melville scholar andrew delbanco. is "moby dick" really based on a true story? >> yes, melville knew the story of "the essex." it was bad news, everybody at sea knew about that whales could get angry and sailors figured whales could think, this was the whale that turned on the ship that was trying to kill it. >> stephen: and this was a very popular story at the time? >> everybody knew about it, melville heard it first when he went to sea in 1841. >> stephen: okay, now what i really want, i would like you to be able to explain to my audience exactly why "moby dick"
12:20 am
is an american classic. it is a long book and i need to make this quick and exciting for our network tv audience. >> i got it. >> stephen: so what people want to know is you and i have already had this conversation on the nitro roller coaster at six flags great adventure with a 230 foot vertical drop. it is rated the third most terrifying roller coaster on earth. all right, andrew, andrew, jim, let's show everybody the lecture. so you were named great teacher by columbia university. >> that's true. >> stephen: okay. if you are such a great teacher, can you teach me "moby dick" in two minutes at four gs. >> i will give it a shot. >> stephen: all right, let's do this thing. so do you like roller coasters? >> i hate them, i'm terrified of them. >> stephen: okay, it's going to be great. you are going to love it. so-- i guess my first question
12:21 am
is, if "moby dick" is such a great move novel, why do people have to be forced to read it? >> they don't, i know people that read it voluntarily. >> stephen: are they teachers? >> no, just people that find it opens up their imagination. >> stephen: so why is this the great american novel? >> it was a crazy new country. we needed a crazy new novel. >> stephen: how old is it? >> about 155 years old. >> stephen: wow. >> it had to break all the rules of novel writing. just like america was doing. >> stephen: do you think americans have the patience for a 160 year old 800 page novel? and please tell the people who are watching people on the roller coaster. wait! let's see how well you know the book, on three, say the opening line with me. one, two, three. >> call me ishmael!! >> whooo! >> stephen: who is ishmael, why should i care? >> he's a wanderer, he doesn't know who he is, like the rest of us. >> stephen: so is he a metaphor
12:22 am
for americans? >> i think so. trying to figure out who we are all the time. >> stephen: who is queequeg? >> he is a-- cannibal. >> stephen: are there a lot of cannibals in the book? >> no, just one. >> stephen: is the book pro- cannibal. >> sort of. >> stephen: really? >> he's george washington canniballistically developed. >> stephen: so what does the whale represent? >> the whale is the reason we're all angry at the world. melville says it's evil, visibly personified. >> stephen: okay, we're almost over. cliff notes, cliff notes, what is the book about? >> a quest for meaning in life. >> stephen: what is the meaning of life? >> i have no idea after this ride. >> stephen: all right. so. spoiler. ( cheers and applause ). do ahab and the whale ever get together? >> yeah, but it's a very sad outcome. they don't get along well. it's bad news for ahab. >> stephen: does everyone have a
12:23 am
white whale? >> i think so. i think we want to explain to ourselves why the world seems unfair sometimes and does bad things to us. >> stephen: well, andrew, thank you so much. >> a pleasure. >> stephen: that seems like a great book. and now i don't have to read it. >> exactly. i'm glad i could do something for you. >> stephen: we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) >> ow! whoah! hi, i'd like to make a dep-- ♪ scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item. vo: it happens so often you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. ♪ nationwide is on your side representative.
12:24 am
(the beat drops again) ♪ strangelove ♪ strange highs ♪ and strange lows ♪ strange love ♪ that's how ♪ my love goes ♪ strangelove ♪ will you give it to me? gucci guilty the fragrances for him and for her.
12:25 am
for the new mattress models! it's time to make room during sleep train's huge year end clearance sale...
12:26 am
get beautyrest, posturepedic, even tempur-pedic mattress sets at low clearance prices! save even more on floor samples, demonstrators, and closeout inventory! plus, same-day delivery, set-up and removal of your old set. why wait for the new models? sleep train's year end clearance sale is on now! superior service, best selection, lowest price-- guaranteed! ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪
12:27 am
♪ ♪ with t-mobile and the incredible iphone 6s you can reach more people in more places than before. whether you're at home in the basement on the open road or pulling the late shift at work. you're more connected now because t-mobile doubled its lte coverage in the past year. and our extended range lte goes two times farther than before and is four times better in buildings. get iphone 6s for zero upfront and just five bucks a month.
12:28 am
love smart solutions? try philips norelco shavers 72 rotating blades cutting hair growing in every direction. so you can be your best you. philips norelco save up to 50 dollars on philips norelco hey! so i'm looking at my bill and my fico credit score's on here. yeah! we give you your fico credit score. for free! awesomesauce! the only person i know that says that is... lisa? julie? we've already given more than 175 million free fico credit scores to our cardmembers. apply today at discover.com
12:29 am
12:30 am
>> stephen: here to perform "ain't i," please welcome lizzo. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> ♪ i, i, i, ♪ i'm in the, i'm in the, i'm in the ♪ i'm in the business of makin' music that music business ♪ that business, no one can witness ♪ cause i, i make that crack music nigga ♪ that real black music nigga ♪ the only singles that i'm droppin' ♪ are the ones flappin' at the bands of your white briefs, ♪ white boys please can barely believe ♪ i walk by as they hold they skeets ♪ by the seams of they jeans cream get the money, ♪ and run it to the hills ya'll straight into my pocket,
12:31 am
♪ tired of the deals dog start my own label, ♪ keep the leakin' sealed off if you got a big mouth, ♪ then you might get peeled off i'm the only fat lip bass, ♪ my flipper-- vroom peels off eatin' flounder, sebastians like some bath salts ♪ munchin' on his bones, lookin' at him like it's your fault, ♪ look at what you made me do yo pass the hot sauce. ♪ lookin' at the back of sophia eris' head ♪ eatin' a sandwich, but we don't got bread ♪ got a spider ass bite on my head hangry ♪ feelin' soupy, i brought my pho kit, ♪ yo i'm duckin' donald, daffy, howards them cowards ♪ can never throw shots at a super power ♪ what was russia without the czars ♪ what was henry ford without the cars ♪ my grandparents worked at ford factory ♪ so henry is nothin' without my family tree ♪ and a slave-owner family needed black blood still ♪ so i think we need a spot up on henry's will ♪ that will never be the case, in case you ain't keepin' up ♪ i'm dishin' out cases of that heavy bass
12:32 am
♪ and them bass heads straight from the oppressor's loins ♪ are giving us "our free us"-- and hella coins ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop hip hop turned crack from the era of crack babies ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop about to give oratories ♪ in stadiums and laboratories ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop hip hop turned crack from the era of crack babies ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop about to give oratories ♪ in stadiums and laboratories >> new york city! how you all feeling? this performance is dedicated to my grandmother, who passed away this week. this is a moment, let's celebrate. ♪ it don't matter how deep your pockets go ♪ they still get their fill they
12:33 am
gonna scrapt the bottom ♪ it don't matter how deep your soul is ♪ they sho' is blinded by the light ♪ it don't matter how deep your pockets go ♪ they still get their fill they gonna scrapt the bottom ♪ it don't matter how deep your soul is ♪ they sho' is blinded by the light ♪ blinded by the light blinded by the light ♪ blinded by the light ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya ad crazy ♪ hip hop hip hop turned crack from the era of crack babies
12:34 am
♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop about to give oratories ♪ in stadiums and laboratories ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop hip hop turned crack from the era of crack babies ♪ so bob ya head crazy, bob ya head crazy ♪ hip hop about to give oratories ♪ in stadiums and laboratories >> ain't i a woman, ain't i a woman, ain't i a woman? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whooo! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: lizzo! the new album is out today. lizzo, we'll be right back, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
12:35 am
12:36 am
12:37 am
>> stephen: now stick around for my friend james corden. good night, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org reggie: ♪ are you ready to have some fun and feel the love tonight don't you worry about the -- it's "the late late show" ♪ it's "the late late show" ♪ reggie: ladies and gentlemen,

246 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on