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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  October 8, 2018 11:35pm-12:27am PDT

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, give it up for jon batiste and stay human, right over there! ( cheers and applause ) beautiful. sounds good. very nice. my goodness. folks, it's an exciting night. you know the midterms are less than two months away, and one of the most closely-watched races is down in texas and features my guest tonight, democratic senate candidate and man who's either 20 or 40, beto o'rourke. he's running-- ( cheers and applause )
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we've got some beto-heads tonight. beto is running in texas against incumbent senator and man whose campaign staff is definitely watching this show right now, ted cruz. because it is close, which is scaring the republicans. so earlier this summer, in order to save the cruz campaign, texas lieutenant governor dan patrick showed up in washington to deliver an urgent plea to white house officials: send president donald trump. you know it's bad when you need backup from a man with a 36% approval rating. their backup plan to that is a celebrity endorsement from the herpes virus. ( laughter ) here's how-- here's how scared ted cruz is of beto o'rourke: he bought ads on my show tonight to counter his interview. i assume-- i assume it's for cruz's campaign and not for his patented line of reptile moisturizers, cruz's oozes.
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( laughter ) "no more dry leg, johnny iguana!" ( applause ) >> jon: wow! >> stephen: and he does seem-- cruz does seem moist all the time. and the texas g.o.p. has been launching personal attacks on o'rourke, like two weeks ago, when they tweeted, "maybe beto can't debate ted cruz because he already had plans," alongside this photo of beto from his punk rock days. yes, his plans were being smoking hot in a naughty but approachable sort of way, like your best friend's older brother who smells like weed and listens to radiohead. "read us your poems, beto!" ( laughter ) people online seemed to like the fact that beto was in a cool punk band, and pointed out that ted cruz played adam in a mime performance of the christian creation story when he was in high school. ( laughter ) and they included this picture. ( laughter ) how do you do a mime performance of the creation story? "in the beginning, god created the heavens and the earth, and
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god said... nothing, for he was trapped in an invisible box." ( laughter ) the g.o.p. tried again by tweeting out this mug shot of his drunk driving arrest 20 years ago. now, there's no excuse for drunk driving, and beto has apologized. but posting this mug shot backfired on the g.o.p., as some people responded with tweets like, "why'd they tweet this photo of beto looking hot as (bleep)," and "beto slide into my d.m.'s tho," and "i just accidentally referred to beto o'rourke as 'daddy beto' in front of my actual father, and he is very confused and concerned." ( laughter ) all of this explains beto's new campaign slogan, "beto for senate: get thirsty for this hot zaddy to beat it up." ( cheers and applause ) then-- no idea what that means. ( cheers and applause ) i have no-- no idea what that means. >> jon: you don't know? >> stephen: no idea. >> jon: oh. >> stephen: then, ted cruz launched on a new line of attack against beto with this ad: >> beto o'rourke wants to be a senator.
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>> ( bleep ) that! >> so, he's showing up across texas, sharing his wit... >> how ( bleep ) up is that? >> ...his wisdom... >> what the ( bleep ) are these guys doing? >> ...and his character. >> i really ( bleep ) up. >> beto o'rourke. he's showing the ( bleep ) up. >> stephen: yeah, okay? remember that. beto is a dirty-minded potty mouth. you must protect the values of texas, and vote for the man who likes threesome porn on twitter. i'll be talking about all of this later with bad boy beto o'rourke himself, as long as he shows the ( bleep ) up. we'll be right back with keira knightley. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) folks-- folks, you know my first guest tonight from "pride and prejudice," "atonement," and any film featuring corsetes. she now stars in "colette." please welcome keira knightley! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing "dreams" by fleetwood mac ) ♪ thunder only happens when it's raining ♪ players only love you when they're playing ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> hi! >> stephen: nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: i am a longtime fan of yours. >> and yours. >> stephen: oh, really? >> oh, yes! >> stephen: oh, that's nice. >> yes, isn't it? >> stephen: it is! >> this is going very well. >> stephen: yeah, i'm enjoying this very much. ( laughter )
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you've got a big honor recently. you were in-- what, i've got the word right now-- the queen's birthday honors list, this year. >> yeah. >> stephen: and what was-- what was it you were awarded? >> i'm awarded something called an o.b.e., which means that i'm an officer of the british empire. >> stephen: wow. >> well, yeah, which is kind of quite-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you. i mean, i wasn't actually aware that britain still had an empire, but it's nice to be an officer of it anyway. >> stephen: it's fun-sized. it's a fun-sized empire now. >> yes, it is a tiny little empire, but i am an officer. >> stephen: of the british empire. how does that come about? how do you find out-- who tells you? is it like a letter from hogwarts? what do you-- >> yeah, you get a letter. >> stephen: you really get a letter? >> you get a letter, and it looks absolutely terrifying, because it has got stamped on it, "home office," everywhere. and-- that's part of the british government. >> stephen: it's the home office? >> it's the home office. >> stephen: does that mean, like, ah... ? >> it's the scary bit.liri >> stephen: you have murdered someone. >> you have murdered somebody. something horrific has happened. >> stephen: and they are sending someone from the home office, okay. >> so, i got-- it came through
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the post, and i thought, i have really messed up my tax. i've messed up my tax, and they're going to take the house and everything has gone awful, and this is awful. and i didn't open it for two days, because i was so panicking. i hid it from my husband. i was like, i don't understand-- >> stephen: it just sat there? like plutonium? >> no, no, it was hidden, it was hidden. i hid it. i, like, literally hid it. because i honestly thought, how do i break this to him, that we're going to lose the house and everything is-- i've just, i've messed up everything? and i finally thought, "okay, come on, i'm a mother. i need to, like, really-- i need to open this envelope." and i opened it, and it was a prize! ( laughter ) it was a prize! >> stephen: now, emma thompson was also on the list this year. >> she's being made a dame. >> stephen: now, what is-- is that better? >> it's better. ( laughter ) it's a better honor, yes. >> stephen: oh, okay. >> but i'm-- i'm, you know, i'm fine with that. i'm such a huge fan of emma thompson's. >> stephen: so am i! we just had her on last week... >> oh, isn't she great! >> stephen: in that very chair. >> really, in this chair? >> stephen: i was absolutely blown away. >> i'm like a real proper fan girl, yeah. >> stephen: can you feel the greatness welling up, through your buttocks? >> yeah, like, suddenly i'm touching the greatness, yeah. yeah, amazing. >> stephen: so? >> so, there you go. >> stephen: there you go. >> you can salute me. >> stephen: on the same list as emma thompson. >> i'm hoping! i'm hoping i can get saluted. actually, i'm really hoping--
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what i was trying-- my daughter was having a-- she's three. she's a threenager. so there's a lot of tantrums. >> stephen: i never heard of that before-- threenager? >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: terrible twos, and then threenager? >> and then threenager. you see, two was fine for us. she was absolutely magnificent. and then three hit, and it's like, proper threenager, so she slams doors and she-- >> stephen: you know what i always say? is that people who say "terrible twos" have never had a three- year-old. >> no, yes, and i think, i think that's right. >> stephen: it's just because they're stronger. >> no, they're really strong. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah! >> and they're quite-- >> stephen: they're small, but they're relentless opponents. >> they're vocal, and it's a lot of, like, "go away!" and slamming these doors. and you think, "i can't go away, you're three. you can't look after yourself." anyway, i was sort of trying this-- she was having a tantrum. and i was like, "you can't have a tantrum at me. i'm an officer! you should salute me, or something." but, she doesn't seem to want to do that, either. >> stephen: i'll do it for her. there you go. >> thank you. i really appreciate that! thank you. >> stephen: that's wonderful. now, i understand that-- so, she's three. i heard that you, by the age of four, demanded an agent. >> by the age of three, i demanded an agent. >> stephen: really? >> yeah, yeah.
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>> stephen: how-- you seem like a troubled child... >> i know. >> stephen: ...why-- why would you want one? >> i mean, i don't know. i don't remember. >> stephen: how did you know what it was? >> i'm not sure. i think because my mom is a writer, and my dad is an actor. >> stephen: oh, i didn't know. >> yeah, so i think, probably, there were agents ringing the house, and i didn't understand why i didn't have one. ( laughter ) so-- >> stephen: did you get one? >> i mean, i had to wait a really long time. i got one when i was six. it was awful. ( laughter ) but i actually-- i ended up getting one because i'm dyslexic, and i got diagnosed with dyslexia when i was six. and-- >> stephen: and they got you an agent because of that? >> they literally, yes. but, so the teacher said, "okay, you need a carrot to dangle in front of this child to make her read, because she's going to have to work so hard. so, what does she want?" and they said, "she wants an agent." so i got an agent. ( laughter ) >> stephen: so they made you read scripts? >> yes! and i did, i read-- actually, i mean, at what was a little bit later than six, but the scripts that my mum bought, i was obsessed by "sense and sensibility" with emma thompson. >> stephen: sure, of course. >> and i was obsessed with "much ado about nothing" with emma thompson. so she used the screenplays of those to make me read and read and read. >> stephen: oh, my god. then you must have been dying to
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do "pride and prejudice." >> i was dying to do-- i was, yeah, dying to do "pride and prejudice." >> stephen: now, what about-- she's, your daughter is three. does she want an agent? >> no, no. she wants to be a dentist. ( laughter ) which i'm really-- >> stephen: that's very smart. >> i'm really happy about. >> stephen: sure. >> because everybody needs a dentist. the problem with it, is that i am so terrified of dentists. i really, really, really-- >> stephen: well, you have very nice teeth. >> thank you. for an english person, i have okay teeth. but, but-- >> stephen: you have lovely teeth. >> but i-- >> stephen: you have lovely teeth for any empire. >> thank you, that's very kind of you, thanks. even small empires. yeah, so, yeah. so, she does want to be a dentist, and that is terrifying for me, but i'm also very proud, because people need dentists. but at the moment, i'm having to play "dentist" every morning about 6:30, so she-- she's like, "open your mouth." and i've got to open my mouth. and she sticks her hand in my mouth. d, ohehter ) laughter ) >> stephen: and lovely at the same time. >> lovely, lovely, lovely hell, yes. >> stephen: that's childhood. having children is a lovely hell, yes, exactly.
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>> exactly. >> stephen: again, small but relentless opponent. >> absolutely. >> stephen: well, now, you're in a movie, you play colette. >> yeah. >> stephen: a french writer, a pioneer, and not just for being a celebrity with only one name, like cher and madonna. >> exactly. >> stephen: she was just colette, right? >> she was just colette. i mean, yeah. >> stephen: and this is her, correct? >> that is her. >> stephen: this is her a little bit later than you're playing her. >> a little bit later than i'm playing her, yes, but that is her. >> stephen: and, what made her so revolutionary? >> well. well, i mean, she was one of the best writers of her time. she was a woman, so, obviously, that meant that, back then, there weren't that many female writers. but the story of the film is based around her first marriage, which was to a man called willy, and he took credit for her first four novels. so, it's kind of-- what was interesting about it was, they had a very modern and open marriage, and she had love affairs with women at the same time, and she sort of became a mime artist. and the whole story is about-- >> stephen: she became a mime artist?
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>> she became a mime artist. >> stephen: so there was some scandal associated with her. >> there was quite-- yes, silent scandal, yes, yeah. ( laughter ) >> stephen: did she ever act out the creation in a high school play? >> ( laughs ) no, i don't think so, no. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: so, we have a clip here. what's happening in this clip? >> i think i'm very cross in this clip. >> stephen: you're very mad at a man. >> i'm very mad at a man. basically, we've just done a mime performance where i've ended up kissing a woman on stage, and it has caused a riot in paris-- >> stephen: even in paris? >> --which actually happened. yeah, and there was a riot. >> stephen: she caused a riot by kissing a woman? >> yes, and the whole thing got closed down. and so, you are you seeing just after-- just after the riot has happened. >> stephen: jim, for the love of god, roll the clip. ( laughter ) >> colette! what are your impressions after tonight? >> my impressions? i'm disgusted. the people who threw things tonight are cowards. and the only reason i didn't get a footstool to the face is because i dodged it. >> let it go, colette. there were some gentlemen who came for a fight. we must ignore them and go on. >> so, you intend to continue?
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>> yes. >> no! >> those people don't frighten me at all. look, am i trembling? i will continue to pursue this because i want to. and if paris won't have me, then so be it. i will go elsewhere to make a living. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "colette" opens september 21. keira knightley, everybody! we'll be right back with beto o'rourke. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ introducing e*trade personalized investments professionally managed portfolios customized to help meet your financial goals. you'll know what you're invested in and how it's performing. so you can spend more time floating about on your inflatable swan. [ding] ♪ ok here we go guys, you ready?
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back to the "late show," everybody. folks, my next guest tonight is a texan running for u.s. senate against ted cruz. please welcome congressman beto o'rourke! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> that's great, awesome. that's awesome. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." >> thank you. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." >> thank you. so happy to be here. >> stephen: nice to have you here. ( cheers and applause ) people are pretty excited. >> yeah. yeah--
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it's crazy. >> stephen: were you aware that people outside of texas were following your campaign? because, i assume-- are people here-- who is here from texas? ( cheers ) >> that was pretty impressive. >> stephen: do they come with you everywhere you go? >> they do. my wife is here, two of her brothers are here, and some members of our team, so. hey, amy. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, beto, beto is-- yes, hello, amy. ( cheers and applause ) hello. now, i understand that beto is-- beto is not your real name. what is your real name? >> i was born robert francis o'rourke, but like many people born robert or albert or huberto in el paso, my nickname is beto. so, not uncommon for your mailman to be named beto, or to go to beto's tacos, or for your member of congress to be named beto o'rourke. so, yeah. >> stephen: and this has been a longtime thing here, because, what year are we looking at here? >> this has got to be 1976. >> stephen: there is beto. ( audience reacts ) >> just in case i forgot, my mom had it stitched on my sweater, so.
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( laughter ) >> stephen: well, you are a past punk rocker, according to some very disturbing allegations against you. >> yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you can explain-- can you explain this photo? hold on, i've got it right here. a bunch of art cards here. you can explain what's going on in that photo right there, sir? what is going on right there? ( cheers and applause ) and what is this lovely chemise that you are sporting? >> i don't know that there was a good explanation for that photo. but, so, i'm there with arlo and mike, and cedric bixler, whose photo is on the back. and for the better part of two years, we wrote songs, put out our own records, toured the country. and it was the most amazing experience of my, you know, then-young life, to be telling our story from town to town. four guys living in a plymouth satellite, going from one city to the next. and there's something about what we're doing right now as we travel to the 254 counties of
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texas, just showing up, introducing myself, and then listening to those i want to represent in one community after the other, doing it free of any political action committees or corporations or special interests, just... >> stephen: so can politics be like punk rock? >> i think so. i think we're proving that right now. there's no one outside of the people of texas who are making this happen. and it's the most amazing, the most thrilling experience. we'll be in houston connecting with people there, going to communities that have been written off or taken for granted or forgotten. but we'll also go to small towns like muleshoe or childress, or places that are-- >> stephen: muleshoe? >> muleshoe, yeah. amy and i went to muleshoe. >> stephen: that's a town i want to go to. >> you do. >> stephen: i don't know why, i think muleshoe probably has good barbecue? >> yeah, all over texas, there's great barbecue. and just amazing people who, at this moment of truth for our country, are showing up in great numbers, not divided by party affiliation or geography or any other small difference. it's all about coming together. >> stephen: well, you're already a congressman from texas.
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what part of texas do you represent? >> el paso, texas. >> stephen: a border town. ( cheers and applause ) >> yeah, absolutely. >> stephen: the west texas town of el paso. it's-- immigration is a very hot issue, and border security, right now. how are you on the wall? >> we-- we don't need a wall. i think-- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay, go ahead. >> so, el paso, this town that i was born and raised in, where amy and i are raising ulysses and mollie and henry, happens to be one of, if not the safest cities in the united states of america. and what makes us so safe is that we are a city of immigrants, and we treat one another with respect and dignity. i think that's fundamental to security, to success, to safety. ( applause ) >> stephen: do you want-- do you want to see-- do you want to see the dreamers protected? >> absolutely. >> stephen: chuck schumer was willing to trade president trump the wall for the dream act. would you take that deal?
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>> no, i wouldn't. and i think the people of texas can lead on this. i'll give you an example. republican senior senator john cornyn and i worked on a bill to improve border security by investing in our ports of entry, so facilitating more legitimate trade and travel, and having a better idea of who and what is coming in to our country. we don't need walls. we can have smart security solutions. and, we can free dreamers from the fear of deportation by making them u.s. citizens today, so they can contribute to their maximum capacity, to their full potential. ( cheers and applause ) and we can move forward in that manner of making sure that we're secure, and making sure that we live up to our values and our ideals. and texas, the defining border state and immigration experience, we should lead on that. democrats, republicans, independents alike, coming together. and as we've traveled the 254 counties of texas, we have heard that. we should be able to lead on that. >> stephen: well, now that-- ( applause )
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now that the-- three polls in a row now have found you guys, you and cruz, are essentially within the margin of error. it's very close right now. trump says he will campaign for cruz, despite the fact that they just despise each other. >> right. >> stephen: is it surreal to see enemies joining forces against you? >> yeah, this is going to be interesting. but i'm-- ( laughter ) i'm convinced that the people of texas-- and that's who we're relying on-- no pacs, no corporations, no special interest, no d.n.c. the people of texas are more than a match for president trump or for politics as usual. we've gone to all these counties. we've held town halls in all of them. we've listened to people. and people are coming out at this moment of truth. they're going to help us decide, as a country, are we a nation of walls? will we ban all muslims or all people of one religion? will we describe the press as the enemy of the people? will we take kids away from their parents when they're trying to claim asylum, fleeing from the most brutal countries
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in this hemisphere, if not the planet? or, are we going to be defined by our ambitions, the big things that we want to do, going from the least-insured state in the country to the one that leads on universal, guaranteed, high- quality healthcare for everyone? a state that values public education and pays their teachers accordingly and allows them to teach to a child instead of a standardized test? and this diverse state, the most diverse city in the country, houston, texas, could we lead on rewriting our immigration laws in our own image, reflecting our experiences? we can do all of those things. we are running, not against anyone or anything or any other political party-- we are running for this country. and i am so excited to be a part of it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you so much for being here! >> thank you. >> stephen: congressman beto o'rourke, everybody! we'll be right back with martha stewart. ( band playing ) my digestive system used to make me feel sluggish but now, i take metamucil every day. it traps and removes the waste that weighs me down,
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is a lifestyle expert and guru who has written
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91 books; today, she's here to cook with us. please welcome martha stewart, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) madame! lovely to see you. now, your-- you've got 91-- >> can i ask you one question? >> stephen: sure. >> are you channeling david? >> stephen: am i channeling david, with this? >> with the beard? >> stephen: it would take me about another 40 years to grow a beard this big. you've got-- this is your 91st book. >> yes. >> stephen: this is your second book that you have had, this year, on my show. why so many books? >> well... >> stephen: did you shank the first 90, like, give me one more shot? >> i like writing books. and i-- and we have so much institutional knowledge that we like to share it in the pages of a book. >> stephen: okay, so, what-- >> "pressure cooker." >> stephen: so this one is called "pressure cooker." >> yes. >> stephen: okay, why do we need pressure cookers? isn't cooking pressure enough? ( laughter ) >> it is, and this alleviates some of that pressure by increasing the pressure. >> stephen: okay. >> and saves 70% of the time that it takes to cook. say, coq au vin.
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this is an elaborate dish. if you cook it the french style, it takes maybe four hours. and this, you can do it in about, oh, 25 minutes, all together. >> stephen: so-- 25 minutes! this is not, like-- this is not slow cooking. this is not, like, a crockpot. or, like, a-- >> no-- you could use this for slow cooking, if you want. >> stephen: but that would be dumb. >> that would. because this is a pressure cooker, and it is a quick cooker. >> stephen: aren't these dangerous? >> remember mom's? did your mom's ever explode? >> stephen: my mom had one, and i always wanted her to use it, because it sounded dangerous. and she said, "no, you can't do it, because the valve is broken and it will kill all of us." >> oh, yeah, she, yeah-- but we used to end up with food on the ceiling, because it would shoot out through the steam. >> stephen: that's what i wanted. >> yeah, okay. ( laughter ) definitely. >> stephen: did your mother teach you how to use a pressure cooker? >> oh, yes. she let me use it all the time. but i was very competent. ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay. ( laughter and applause ) >> would you pour the wine? >> stephen: i would love to pour the wine!
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>> okay, what we're doing, we've already-- ( laughter ) we've already browned the chicken. >> stephen: how much do i put in? >> now, this is nice, because you can brown on top of the stove in this, or brown it right in here. oh, just add a cup or two. that's good. that's excellent. >> stephen: okay, good. >> and then we add the chicken-- you want to do that? >> stephen: sure. i'll add the chicken. >> don't just dump-- you can do it that way, sure, yeah. >> stephen: it's all going to be sterile. there's wine, and it's going to be very hot in a moment, before it explodes. am i right? >> so we're going to cover it. and-- all the chicken. don't stop. these are-- >> stephen: these all in? >> oh, and another thing, another thing about the pressure cooker is that you can use tougher cuts of meat, like the thighs, as opposed to breasts. >> stephen: okay. and then the vegetables and mushrooms, sounds good. >> and all the vegetables that have also been browned. then, add your chicken stock. >> stephen: like this, okay. do you make your own chicken stock? >> oh, absolutely. >> stephen: okay. >> absolutely, it's so easy. >> stephen: so, you never use a bouillon cub nostdo >> stephen: it's a greatoue of salt, though. >> yes, lots of salt. >> stephen: sometimes, i'll put a bouillon cube in my cheek, and
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i get soup satisfaction without having to light up. ( laughter ) what did you just put in there? what was that? >> just salt and pepper. >> stephen: just salt and pepper. >> and how about the bouquet garni, please? >> stephen: sorry, the bouquet garni? what is a bouquet garni? >> well, usually parsley, thyme, bay leaf, garlic, a little peppercorn. >> stephen: that's nice. >> isn't that nice? you can wear that. >> stephen: you can hang that, and the vampires will not get you. there you go. ( laughter ) in it goes. >> okay. >> stephen: so how do we clamp it down? >> then we're going to clamp it down-- where is the cover? >> stephen: there's the cover. here it is, like this? >> there's the cover. yep, and you have to match up the dots here. we'll do it this way. start here... there! >> stephen: there you go. >> and then you set the timer. see, it's right here. you go to manual, and start the time-- 12 minutes. >> stephen: and then, you don't have to touch this again. >> don't touch it. >> stephen: this is hands-free cooking. yep! >> and you walk away-- yes, have a glass of wine. ( laughter ) now, the risotto... >> stephen: wait, what was the cognac? >> oh, i put that in. i deglazed the pan, with cognac. ( laughter )
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deglaze yourself. >> stephen: yes, daddy like. >> now, this is risotto. how long does it take you to make risotto? >> stephen: ah, it takes about 30 minutes, and you have to stir it until you get carpal tunnel. >> yeah. ( laughter ) well, you should-- >> stephen: but then you can guilt the people into saying they like it, because you worked so hard, even though it's always, like... >> you're going to love this risotto. because this has been cooked with the wine and the corn and the garlic and onion and a little bit of-- >> stephen: cognac? >> water. >> stephen: water, okay. >> and now, it's cooked, and this takes seven minutes from start to finish. >> stephen: seven minutes, from start to finish? >> seven minutes. >> stephen: have you shown this to an italian? >> yes. >> stephen: are they okay with it? >> they love it. they love our recipe. >> stephen: really, they're okay with you avoiding the suffering? >> yep! and that's-- but see, it saves time-- >> stephen: italians tends to be catholic, and suffering is part of the whole thing. >> we all need to save time, because we waste so much time. >> stephen: because life is fleeting and soon we all die. ( laughter ) all right, what do we have over here? we have to have time for the dessert. >> i'll show you how colorful this is. so beautiful, colorful.
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>> stephen: that's not done. is that done? >> that's done. >> stephen: wow! let me have some of that. >> yeah, taste it and tell me. it might need a little salt. >> stephen: it needs salt. needs salt. ( laughter ) >> needs salt. >> stephen: it's delicious. hold on. >> add your little bit of salt. ( laughter and applause ) >> now, one thing about pressure pots, you want to cook beans in it, rice in it, all kinds of big cuts of meat. you can do pot roasts. but, you can also bake in it. >> stephen: the simple thing about pressure cookers is, all you need for a meal is four pressure cookers. ( laughter ) it's all done. it's so simple. throw away everything else, and move to a much larger apartment. because you need four pressure cookers, and about 10,000 volts. all right. ( cheers and applause ) >> we wanted to show many different things. >> stephen: let's keep going here. what do we got? >> okay, this is a cake. >> stephen: so there's water in the bottom? we're going to steam this cake? >> yeah, we're going to steam it, it's sort of like a-- >> stephen: we have sort of a bain-marie going on here. >> exactly! you're so educated! >> stephen: boom! >> yes. >> stephen: i just dropped bain- marie on you, baby.
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>> yeah, you got it. you got it, bain-marie. >> stephen: did i say that correctly? >> yes, you can go to the movie "colette." ( laughter ) and understand what they're talking about. >> stephen: had you met her before? had you met keira knightley before? >> i hadn't. she came down and we talked, about you. >> stephen: talked where? >> downstairs. >> stephen: downstairs. she talked about me? >> yeah! >> stephen: what did she say? >> she said you were so cute. she was pleasantly surprised. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter and applause ) so, once you've-- once you-- ( laughter ) once you mix up the chocolate cake-- you were flirting with her, by the way. i saw. >> stephen: i was-- ( cheers and applause ) >> you were. >> stephen: i was flirting with her no more than i was flirting with beto o'rourke. >> well, he's cute, too. >> stephen: he's really-- he's got bobby kennedy kind of cute. >> he's really cute. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> i'm pouring the batter right into the pan, which is buttered
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and floured, and it's on a little sling of aluminum foil for easy retrieval once it's cooked. >> stephen: okay, thank you. >> okay. so again, we cover this. >> stephen: let me-- let me do this. here we go. >> fold this down. this is the little sling. >> stephen: you've got to match up the buttons, and the things. >> match up the buttons, yeah. start over here. ( laughter ) >> stephen: like that? >> yeah. >> stephen: like that? ( laughter ) >> there. there, much easier, okay. >> stephen: there you go. ( cheers and applause ) >> set that. and when it's done-- watch. >> stephen: oh, look at this! >> watch. make sure it is on "vent." and then you can open it. take the top off. oh, he's ready to eat it. >> stephen: i'm ready to eat, because-- >> look, there's the cake. there's the cake. >> stephen: because they're about to go to james corden's show in just a second here. >> forget about that. the cake is much more important. >> stephen: i'm going to eat some. >> okay, tell me what you think. it's pretty good for a pudding cake, right? >> stephen: it's just as sweet as you are, martha. ( audience reacts ) >> awww, thank you. >> stephen: "martha stewart's pressure cooker" is available
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now! that's martha stewart, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) xfinity xfi.
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plus ask about xfi pods for even more coverage. click, call or visit a store today. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. >> stephen: "beto for senate: get thirsty for this hot zaddy to beat it up." i hesitate to ask what "beat it up" means. >> that's what consensual sex is. >> stephen: consensual sex is to beat it up? when we were kids, it was called pounding out the veal! ( laughter )
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making piccata! ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it will be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen,


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