tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS October 21, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
our next newscast tomorrow at 4:30 am. have a captioning sponsored by cbs >> a new location needs to be chosen for the g-7 of course after the president scrapped plans to host it at his miami doral resort. >> at the end of the day, you know, he still considers himself to be in the hospitality business. he'll have to find someplace else. >> are you looking for a place to hold a g-7? ( laughter ) then look no further. >> than frank's banquet hall. >> in paramus. >> frank's is the perfect place to discuss global crises and enjoy a fondue fountain. instead of breaking the emoluments clause, why not break open some lobster claws at our seafood buffet? ( laughter ) when you have your g-7 at
frank's, you'll say, "geev types of salad dressing." ( laughter ) including ranch, bleu cheese and other. and when the evening is over forget about quid pro quo d focus on squid to go. ( laughter ) with our complimentary calamari doggie bags. so turn your g-7 up to a g-10. >> come to frank's banquet hall. >> because we consider ourselves to be in the presidential business. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! >> announcer: stephen welcomes julie andrews, jonathan groff and musical guest yungblood with dan reynolds, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert!
( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: how are you? hey! welcome! thank you! welcome one and all to "the late show"! i am your host stephen colbert, and it is wonderful to be back. feels good to be here with these great people. i've been out of the country. way out of the country. new zealand. out of the hemisphere-- both of them. i have been as far from the insatiable black hole of news that is donald trump as you can get on this planet. ( laughter ) now, i've heard there have been some developments over the last ten days that did not go so well for donny, but today, at his
first cabinet meeting since the impeachment proceedings began, he invited in the ladies and gentlemen of the press and calmly explained that there's nothing for him to be concerned about, for 71 minutes. ( laughter ) 71 minutes is not a press conference. that's a one man show. ( laughter ) if you liked "fleabag," you'll love donald trump in "douchebag." ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) the first thing trump was just fine with was the firestorm he ignited on thursday after he announced that the next g-7 summit would be held at the trump national doral golf resort. wow. ( booing ) taxpayer money being spent at his own place. that is bald self-dealing. you'd have to be an idiot to defend that. enter north dakota senator kevin
cramer, who said, "it may seem careless politically, but on the other hand there's tremendous integrity in his boldness and his transparency." yes, refreshing candor. (as trump) "hey, if i'm going to get impeached anyway, it's bucket-list time. the g-7 is at doral, we're serving nothing but trump steaks, it's b.y.o. porn star, and don't forget your pistols 'cause we're headed to 5th avenue." but most republicans freaked out, ran for cover, changed their names, and filed off their fingerprints. so, saturday, trump announced that he would no longer be using doral for the g-7, tweeting, "i thought i was doing something very good for our country by using trump national doral, in miami, for hosting the g-7 leaders. it is big, grand, on hundreds of acres, next to miami
international airport, has tremendous ballrooms and meeting rooms, and each delegation would have dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, its own 50-70 unit building. would set up better than other alternatives." wow. even trump's announcement about not using his resort is a commercial for his resort. ( laughter ) (as trump) "i would never use the office of the presidency to promote one of my own properties, even the one-of-a-kind, world famous trump doral. you know our motto: it's not just unbelievable, it's unconstitutional." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) totally worth it. now, today -- today -- today, trump continued to defend the thing he's not going to do.
>> doral was a very simple situation. i own a property in florida. i was going to do it at no cost or give it free. >> stephen: no, you weren't ( laughter ) bull dookie! you've never given anything away for free. for pete's sake, the trump charitable foundation was shut down by new york state because it was a checkbook to serve your business and political interests. (as trump) "i don't run for the cure. the cure runs for me." ( laughter ) besides, holding the g-7 at your property is free advertising. but trump insists he doesn't need that. >> democrats went crazy, even though i would have done it for free. saved the country a lot of money. then they say, "oh, but you will get promotion." who cares? you don't think i get enough promotion? i get more promotion than any human being that has ever lived, i think i can say that fairly safely. i get more promotion than any human being that has ever lived. >> stephen: (as trump) "anyone who's ever lived yip
time in history. i'm bigger than jesus. and i have way more hotels. seriously, that guy can't even get into an inn." ( laughter ) >> jon: come on, now. >> stephen: "no mint on the manger for this guy." ( laughter ) then trump finally stopped talking about his resort and addressed the most important issue of the day: how great he is. >> i'm very good at real estate. very, very good. much better than you even understand. when you see my financials, which i will give at the right time, you will say, "man, he was much better than we thought." this guy knows right here, mnuchin, because he was in the private sector. he knows very much what i have. >> stephen: (as mnuchin) "yeah, boss, so good. you're so good at business. that's why we're not releasing your taxes, right? because that's why we had them sealed in titanium capsules and fired into the heart of the sun. so people wouldn't be too impressed by them, is that the
right answer?" ( laughter ) then trump pointed out he should have been allowed to violate the constitution because, he claimed, other presidents had. >> i don't know if you know george washington, he ran his business simultaneously while he was president. george washington, they say, had two desks, he had a presidential desk and a business desk. >> stephen: (as trump) "talk about self-dealing. washington -- not everybody knows this -- washington put his picture on every dollar. can you imagine the royalties?" daddy got his beak wet on every dollar, not much, but it adds up. ( cheers and applause ) trump was furious! furious! ( cheers and applause ) so the g7 will now not be at doral national, and that gives trump a sad --
>> it was so good, florida loved it. they loved the economic development. it is a beautiful place, it is new, it has been totally rebuilt. everything's good. got massive meeting rooms. unlimited for security, because it is on hundreds of acres. right next to miami airport, one of the biggest airports in the world, some people say it is the biggest. but one of the biggest airports in the world. it's only minutes away. >> stephen: has trump ever been to miami international airport? ( laughter ) i have and i'm pretty sure they're pulling the troops out of syria because they're needed to quell a riot at the auntie anne's in terminal c. ( laughter ) being an open sewer of corruption isn't the only thing trump's getting criticized for. he also gave turkey the green light to invade syria, selling out our allies the kurds. but last week he pointed out that the kurds haven't always been there for us. >> the kurds are fighting for their land, just so you understand, they're fighting for their land. they did not help us in the second world war, they didn't help us with normandy.
>> stephen: that is true. thas true. there were no kurds at normandy. come to think of it, where were the kurds at gettysburg? and remember the alamo? the kurds don't. i didn't see any kurds when the hindenburg went down. poor elian gonzalez was out there all alone. donde estan los kurds? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and -- and -- and -- and -- ( cheers and applause ) and -- remember this? >> yesterday, december 7th, 1941... not a kurd in sight. thanks a lot, kurds!" ( laughter ) oh, they don't want you to know that. >> stephen: of course, it wouldn't be a trump meeting if he didn't go off on some rambling tangent about his rally crowd size. >> i haven't had an empty seat at a rally. i always say, where's the rally
ettes in a certain place. okay, just get the biggest arena. i've set a record in most every place i have been because we just need a little small stage, and i take less than musicians because they have bands. i don't have band. i set the world record for somebody without a guitar, okay? ( laughter ) >> stephen: he's right. that's true. that's absolutely true. that is absolutely true, no. i looked it up, exactly. he's in the guinness book for "most without a guitar." ( laughter ) also, he's in there for "saddest, neediest most fragile ego, without an organ." >> jon: whoa! ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: trump's not the only one defending his right to blow off the constitution. so is white house chief of staff and pizza maker who just tossed
his dough into the ceiling fan-- again -- mick mulvaney. ( laughter ) mulvaney was on fox news sunday, and admitted this about the president -- >> at the end of the day, you know, he still considers himself to be in the hospitality business. >> stephen: butt admitting the president still thinks he's running a for-profit business isn't even mulvaney's biggest gaff of the interview. i'll break it all down in tonight's "don and the giant impeach." ( cheers and applause ) now, throughout this impeachment inquiry, the company line has been there was no quid pro quo between trump and ukraine. first of all, you don't need quid pro quo, it's super illegal anyway. and second, yeah, quid pro quo. ( laughter ) and on thursday, mulvaney admitted it.
>> the look back to what happened in 2016, certainly was part of the thing that he was worried about corruption with that nation and that is absolutely appropriate. >> and withholding the funds. >> yeah... which, ultimately, then flowed. >> what you described is a quid pro quo. it is funding will not flow unless there is an investigation into the democratic server happens as well? >> we do that all of the time. and i have news for everybody, get over it. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: (as mulvaney) "my point is we're not quid-amateur-quos. we're quid-pro-quos. we're really good at it!" ( cheers and applause ) admitting the thing that trump is being impeached for turned out to be problematic, so later that day, mulvaney put out a statement saying, "let me be clear, there was absolutely no quid pro quo." but we just saw you repeatedly say there was.
it's like if mick jagger left stage and immediately released a statement saying, "let me be clear, jumping jack flash is not a gas, gas, gas." ( laughter ) then mulvaney went on fox news sunday and unveiled his bulletproof defense -- he never actually said "quid pro quo." >> you again said just a few seconds ago that i said there was a quid pro quo. i never used that language there was never a quid pro quo. >> you were asked by jonathan karl, is-- you described a quid pro quo, and you said that happens all the time. >> well-- and reporters will use their language all the time. so my language never said quid pro quo. >> stephen: he does realize you don't have to say the crime to be guilty of it, right? to be convicted of homicide, you don't have to stab somebody while saying "murder, murder, murder, murder!" ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. julie andrews is here. but when we return, mitt romney's secret identity! is he the batman? no.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! hello, everybody! good to see you! oh, it's good to be back! ( cheers and applause ) what a delight! >> jon: yes! >> stephen: what a tight to be back with you, my friends! wonderful, great to be back here! >> jon: in the saddle. >> stephen: i'm so excited. one of my favorite people in the entire world julie andrews is going to be here on the stage.
( cheers and applause ) not even a national treasure, she's a global treasure. >> jon: legend. >> stephen: you feel a little better when you're just near her. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: it's radioactive goodness that comes off her. >> jon: that's right, i can't wait to get some of that. >> stephen: and a total pro. total pro. jon, did you have a nice week off? >> jon: yeah. i knew you were in new zealand, i was in vermont. >> stephen: they're very similar. the thing about new zealand is it's 17 hours ahead. it's tomorrow there. >> jon: oh, yeah. you must be tired. >> stephen: i'm a little bit not here. i'm a little bit tomorrow. i'm already watching the show on the d.v.r. it went great, by the way. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: let me tell you, speaking of great, but speak of great, we didn't go just for fun. we were shooting some pieces don't there. how long do they have to wait to show? two and a half weeks or maybe
something like that before we show. we'll have a week of pieces on new zealand. let me give you a taste. this is a photo on me right here. this is me 9,000 feet up on a glacier drinking makers mark out of a glass and the ice in the glass is from the glacier i'm standing on right now and i just want you to know this is like the sixth most exciting thing i did when i was down there. ( laughter ) extraordinary place. extraordinary place. can we do the show from down there? can we just move the show there? >> (inaudible). >> stephen: you are lying to me. okay. ( laughter ) we've been hearing more from one of trump's most vocal critics, utah senator mitt romney, seen here indicating the number of black people he's met in his life. over the weekend, romney was profiled in an "atlantic" article titled, "the liberation of mitt romney." which i know sounds like a mid-seventies erotic novella, but it's actually about romney's role as a critic of trump-- with one big reveal, that he uses a
secret twitter account, saying, "i won't give you the name of it, but i'm following 668 people." he recited some of the accounts he follows, including late-night comedians, "what's his name, the big redhead from boston?" ( laughter ) big redhead from boston? he has a name, sir. it's ginger o'pale-body. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and he's a friend! he's a friend! using these clues, a journalist from "slate" got the scoop of the late-afternoon when she discovered romney's secret twitter handle "pierre delecto." ( laughter ) yes! pierre delecto! it sounds like something from french-canadian soft-core porn. (as woman) "but dr. delecto, i don't have any way to pay for this check-up!" (as delecto, french) "that's okay. we have the socialized medicine. now, we make the sex, oui?"
( laughter ) my apologies to our neighbors to the north. this is the most embarrassing reveal since we found out lindsey graham's secret twitter name is "wolfgang scrumptious." ( laughter ) and we know this is all true because romney confirmed it. when asked about the delecto account, he responded, "c'est moi." ( laughter ) yes! "c'est moi," he said, swirling a snifter of vintage 2009 rice pudding. ( laughter ) but i have a bone to pick with pierre, because turns out, conan's not the only late night host he follows-- he also likes jimmy kimmel, and jimmy fallon. ( audience reacts ) no, you know what?
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen -- ( cheers and applause ) i feel the same way! i feel the same way! ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is an emmy, grammy, and academy award wining legend whose new memoir is called "home work." please welcome back to "the late show," the practically perfect, julie andrews! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
>> stephen: thank you so much for being here! >> it is a pleasure to see you again. >> stephen: so lovely to see you, too. i've had the opportunity to speak to you several times. >> oh, yes. >> stephen: we've spoken backstage a couple of times, sung together. the first question i want to ask you every time i see you is, wow, it's so exciting to see you every time. >> that's not exactly a question. >> stephen: it's more an emotional reaction. >> i feel the same way about
you. >> stephen: thank you, julie andrews. ( laughter ) wow... ( cheers and applause ) now, the film that propelled you to your first fame, really, internationally, was "mary poppins." >> first film i ever made. >> stephen: you received an oscar for that, right? >> yes. >> stephen: extraordinary. but the soun "the sound of musi" cemented your -- you weren't in the broadway cast? >> not the stage production. >> stephen: had you seen the broadway production? >> no. it felt a little saccharin at times. >> stephen: a little too sweet for you? >> well, you know, seven children and the alps, supposedly, beautiful music, gorgeous music. >> stephen: sure, helicopter
shots? >> well, that's in the film, yes, a lot of helicopter shots. but i thought it could have been with the real stuff outside, the real salzburg, very oversweet. but everybody on the film wanted to make it as astringent as possible including lovely chris plumber and our wonderful director robert weiss. >> stephen: you mean like take some of the sweetness out of it? >> yeah, take some of the saccharin out of it and just try to make it kind of a real as possible and not too sugar ri, really. >> stephen: right, because there are nazis in it -- ( laughter ) -- and that's a dash of vinegar in a lot of stories. >> well, yes, and indeed there were sets we were on that, when you think about what they used to be and who used to be there, it wasn't pleasant. >> stephen: no. christopher plumber, he's a very intimidating captain, captain
von trapp in that, was he serious or light hearted off camera? >> oh, mostly light hearted. he's a great guy and a tremendous friend and we've stayed friends over the years. >> stephen: that's nice. love seeing each other. he was the glue that held the whole thing together. >> stephen: really? well, he gave it that strength and was very kind to work with. i loved what he did in the film. >> stephen: can you tell me, this is one to have the most -- somewhere in my youth or childhood this was one of the most famous scenes in the movie, the two of you in the gazebo. can you tell me about shooting this? >> you know the story. >> stephen: it's show business, julie, of course i know the story. ( laughter ) i late to give away such a beautiful, wonderful scene, but they lit that scene because it was a gazebo, they lit it with huge kleeg lights, which are very strong. >> stephen: so it wasn't always in silhouette?
>> no, not at all. this is what i'm getting to. patience, dear lad, patience! >> stephen: this is what's called setting you up. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> eventually the lamps were tipped down to give shafts of moonlight. the carbons rubbing in the lamps began to grown and moan and it seemed like a terrible comment on our acting. you know, when chris was saying, oh, marieia, i love you, it groans and other extremely rude noises. well, after a while, you know, they put new carbons in, still it did it, and finally it got so bad that i could see chris' eyes creasing a little and i giggle at the slightups thing, anyway. and bob weiss realized we were impossible, closed the set, we went to lunch. i prayed i wouldn't giggle anymore because i was.
it's very hard to be nose to nose doing a love scene and having these awful sounds coming at you. >> stephen: so. ♪ somewhere in my youth and child -- ♪ and then the sound. >> yes, and then the dialogue. ( laughter ) came back, had lunch started over again. robert weiss said walk into the silhouette, i'll shoot it at the door, wonderful shot, which was great serendipity, and then you can laugh all you like because it won't show. middle east we shut up, and it was just fine. ( laughter ) but it's a story i remember very well. >> stephen: one of my other favorite people in the world is your dear friend carol burnett. >> oh, god, she's such a chum. >> stephen: and you are absolutely wonderful. ( applause ) i had mire a pro, too. she's such a pro. you did three specials together, i understand. >> yes. >> stephen: when you're
together -- >> and she's my lovely daughter's godmother, the one who helped me with the book, too. >> stephen: this book. yes, that one, and there was one before that -- >> stephen: "home work." there was one called "home" before thi >> about ten years ago there was a book called "home" emma helped me with tremendously and this one, too. >> stephen: carol is mischievous. who is more mischievous, you or her? >> well, i have to say she brings out the worst in me. ( laughter ) i get to be pretty raunchy and very wicked and i think she gets shocked sometimes. >> stephen: what are some of the things you say. >> well, i can't possibly repeat all of them, but dr. . >> stephen: can you repeat any of them? it is cbs, i'm not sure -- >> can we move along. >> stephen: moving along. thank you, stephen. >> stephen: you have the new book, "home work." >> yes. >> stephen: and in it you're actually very open about the
role that therapy has played in your life. >> yeah. >> stephen: when did you first start going to therapy? >> oh, sadly, i separated from my lovely first husband and separations were always inevitable, and the marriage was over, and my head was so full of clutter and garbage, and i thought -- believe it or not, it was mike nichols who really tipped me into wanting to go to therapy, because he had been -- i don't think he'd mind me saying that now -- and he was so sane and funny and clear. he had a clarity that i admired so much, and i wanted that for myself and i didn't feel i'd had it. so i went and got into it and it saved my life in a way. >> stephen: why did you want to share that? why was that important for you? >> the truth is, stephen, why not, if it helps anybody else have the same idea?
( cheers and applause ) yeah, and these days, there's no harm in sharing it. i think everybody knows the great work it can do, and anybody that is lucky enough to have it, afford it and take advantage of it, i think it would be wonderful, yeah. >> stephen: well, julie, thank you so much for being here. always, wow, a pleasure! >> for me, stephen. >> stephen: the book is available now. julie andrews, everybody! we'll be back with broadway star jonathan groff! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) true. don't hate-like their trip, book yours with hotels.com and get rewarded basically everywhere. hotels.com. be there. do that. get rewarded. performance comes in lots of flavors. ♪ (dramatic orchestra)
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to the show! ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a grammy award-winning actor you know from "hamilton," "mindhunter," and "frozen." he now stars off broadway in "little shop of horrors." please welcome, jonathan groff! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you.
nice to see you again. >> so nice to be here. >> stephen: you know -- you know, you're -- you're a musical theater star and, you know, can you feel the greatness -- >> i mean, i can't believe. >> stephen: have you ever met her before? >> i never -- >> stephen: did you meet her back stage? >> i did and she's everything you wish she was. >> stephen: some people you meet them and you go, oh, that's exactly what you wanted julie andrews to be. >> yes, so funny and kind. it's very surreal for me to be sitting in the chair she just sat in, and we were kind of wearing the same outfit, i noticed. >> stephen: wow. a little cosmic moment between me and julie. >> stephen: have you always been a fan of julie's? >> not only a fan but a deep, deep, deep fan of julie andrews. >> stephen: yeah? where, when i was three years old, i dressed up -- >> stephen: is that what this is? >> yeah. i dress up as marr mary poppinsr
halloween. >> stephen: this is mary poppins right here and this is you as mary poppins. ( cheers and applause ) that is fantastic. you had seen mary poppins and just loved mary poppins? >> we had the v.h.s. of mar mary poppins and my mom will tell you i watched it every single day. this halloween my brother went as the entertainer. >> stephen: what entertainer? he called himself the entertainer. he had a top hat and a cane. he was trying to upstage me as mary poppins, he knew that would be a huge draw, because i had a lipstick, hat and a carpet bag. >> stephen: first of all, you do have a great mom. >> i do have a great mom to let me dress as mary poppins.
>> stephen: fantastic. and speaking of v.h.s., i actually understan you brought a v.h.s. of your mother recording you as mary poppins age there on halloween? >> on halloween in my grandparents yard who were mennonites. we were in their yard, my brother was the intertiner and i am mary poppins in drag. >> stephen: please. ing a song from mary poppins ( singing ) >> did you say it? he has lipstick on! oooh! lipstick, oooh! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wow.
so what did you say? and we're going to get to your thing in a minute. but what did you say to her when you went in? how did you contain yourself? >> i just took a deep breath and i just said thank you for your incredible -- i didn't tell her i was dressed as her in drag and that i would be featuring that later, i just tried to keep it cool and i just asked her questions. i asked her if she gets nervous before interviews and she said, yeah, a little bit. but she just came offstage and said, isn't he the greatest? he makes me feel so comfortable. ( cheers and applause ) you are! >> stephen: all right, all right. >> you are! >> stephen: now you're starring in "little shop of horrors" at the westside theater. >> yes. >> stephen: we have the play bill right there. "little shop of horrors." >> yes. >> stephen: seymour is a beloved character. what attractorred you to this?
>> michael mayer whom i worked with on "spring awakening" about 13 years ago called me in may and said we want to take "little shop of horrors" back to its roots and do it in an off-broadway theater at the westside theater, 270 seats. it was tone in the '80s on the lower east side and howard ashman famously said it's meant to be in an intimate space, we're never moving it to broadway. so michael wanted to sort of re-create the intimacy of the show and have a great time, and we are having the pest time eight times -- best time eight times a week doing the show. we opened last week. it's a competition between the audience and the cast as to who's having more fun because it's such a fun show to do. >> stephen: you met your boy corey in new zealand. you met him there? >> we were teaching at a theater
camp in christchurch. >> stephen: it's hard to explain to people who haven't been there what the national character is there. what do you think the difference is between kiwis and americans? >> portion size. ( laughter ) >> stephen: want to leave it at that? thank you so much. good to see you, jonathan. "little shop of horrors." at the westside theater now! jonathan groff, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by yungblood featuring dan reynolds! stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) oh, come on. flo: don't worry. you're covered. (dramatic music) and you're saving money, because you bundled home and auto. sarah, get in the house.
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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john lithgow, cameela mendes, and "the pioneer woman" ree drummond. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: it needs to be big. my head's the knob. that's going to be the name of my biography. "my head's the knob: the stephen colbert story." ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show