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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  October 31, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> the resolution is adopted without objection, the motion to reconsider is laid upon the table. ( gavel pounding ) ♪ >> soon the great pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch for all to see. >> the great pumpkin is not coming. he's be impeached. >> what did the great pumpkin do? >> remember the official phone call we listened in on? >> ukraine, quid pro quo. well, if the great pumpkin has been impeached, who will take his place and rise out of
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the pumpkin patch? >> the great jar of light mayo. look at me, mother, i'm president of the pumpkin patch. >> aaahhh! good grief! >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! , tonight a house decided. plus stephen welcomes speaker naps napnancy pelosi, featuringn batiste and "stay human." live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey there! ( cheers and applause ) whoo! >> jon: get it all the way! >> stephen: welcome one and
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all. happy halloween to everybody! welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. now -- ( cheers and applause ) -- this is momentous. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: today is momentous, jon. not every day can we say that we as a people have witnessed history. but today is truly an historic day in washington, because the nationals won the world series. ( cheers and applause ) that's right. despite the game being on the road, national fans gathered in their home ballpark to celebrate, including this guy -- >> this is huge for d.c. d.c. needed this. we got some ( bleep ) in the ( bleep ) white house. >> oh, oh, ohhh, no, no, no. >> stephen: (as reporter) "oh, oh, ohhh, no, no, no." ( cheers and applause ) good for you! yeah! >> jon: oh, my goodness! >> stephen: what did this reporter think was going to
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happen? she's interviewing drunk fans. did she expect a cogent response? (as drunk guy) "while i'm happy, this victory is somewhat tarnished by the cloud of impeachment hanging over this great nation. if we accept the lowering of constitutional standards, america will cease to be a shining beacon of liberty. now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go puke into a storm drain! go nats! go--" (vomits) whoo! whoo! whoo! whoo! ( cheers and applause ) go nats! (vomits) >> jon: he let it all out. he couldn't hold it. >> stephen: whoo! ( laughter ) of course, that "fellow" may not in the "lovemaking" white house much longer because today, the house voted to formalize the impeachment inquiry. ( cheers and applause ) yeah.
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it raineth every day. ( cheers and applause ) we're one step closer to getting trump out of the white house and sending him home to new york cit-- oh. ( audience reacts ) quick! quick! someone lock the lincoln tunnel and turn out the lights! laugh everybody on the floor! we're not home! ( laughter ) the resolution was led by house speaker nancy pelosi, who is my guest tonight. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) should have tonight's show sent to the smithsonian, national treasures right between abe lincoln's hat and ben franklin's codpiece. the vote took place on halloween, which is why we're calling tonight's episode -- >> nancy pe-ghosty's haunted house scream-peachment sin-quiry into the president's quid pro crow with boo-kraine!
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>> witch hunt! >> stephen: whoo! whoo whoo whoo whoo! the resolution passed by a vote of 232 to 196 with zero republican votes. ( booing ) now, are they just complaining about process, or are they really so lacking any honor that they are willing to publicly state that blackmailing a foreign government to interfere in our election is okay? >> will you all go on record to say that the president did nothing inappropriate? >> yes, yes. >> very clear, yes. >> stephen: "follow up-- the titanic just hit an iceberg. the captain is saying, 'it was a perfect iceberg, now we can all make slurpees for everyone,' and he's asking you to handcuff yourself to the portside rail and swallow the keys. are you all willing to do that?"
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>> yes, yes. >> very clear, yes. >> stephen: good to know. while debating the resolution, both sides used visual aids, so you can tell whose side they were on. congressman steve scalise's poster was there to underline his central message. >> this is unprecedented. it's not only unprecedented, this is soviet-style rules. >> stephen: ah, yes, the classic soviet-style rules for impeaching their leader. remember, stalin was in power only 30 years when he was impeached by dying. >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: the vote today also did not sit well with republican congressman and man who learned to smile from a series of still pictures, devon nunes. nunes thinks he knows what's fueling adam schiff and the democrats. >> what we're seeing among democrats on the intelligence committee down in the scif right now is like a cult. these are a group of people loyally following their leader
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as he bounces from one outlandish conspiracy theory to another. >> stephen: really? wow. that is the pot saying the kettle was born in kenya. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) the resolution lays out the rules for the inquiry moving forward, the big one being that it now allows "for the participation of the president and his counsel." please be rudy, please be rudy. please be rudy, please be rudy. ( cheers and applause ) or the president. he's allowed to be there for the. hearings. can you imagine president trump being in the room? (as trump) "objection! i am not that boy's father! ( laughter ) i'm sorry, what am i accused of today?"çó i'm sorry. i'm sorry, eric.
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( laughter ) after the vote was over, the national republican congressional committee thought; wacky political prank, so they sent some democrats "moving boxes." you know, because you're going to have to move out of your offices because of this vote. but because the boxes looked like suspicious packages, capitol police were called to investigate. guys, pranks should be original and clever. you've got to think outside the box. you just thought "box." ( laughter ) now, all these g.o.p. congress men have a small problem other than being on the terror watch list now. it's -- what's the word -- evidence. we keep getting more of it. today, we learned that right after trump hung up his perfect phone call, one person listening in, lieutenant colonel alexander vindman, filed a complaint with a white house lawyer. that lawyer saw the threat, sprung into action, and hid the transcript on a classified server.
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and it's a cover-up! let's tell him what he's won. an all-you-can-televise impeachment hearing! a trial in the world-famous capital building! and, a free helicopter ride out of washington, on marine one. "marine one: ride away in shame in style!" ( cheers and applause ) now, thank you. thank you. that second time is always a good one. ( piano riff ) this secret server the transcript got stuffed in is known as "nice," which stands for n.s.c. intelligence collaboration environment. you can't make the first letter of an acronym represent another acronym. ( laughter ) that's what i call "favs." which stands for "fubar," "and," "very," "stupid." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( piano riff ) acronym. i've got to do acronym later. i gotcha.
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i gotcha. getting impeached is stressful, so, on tuesday, trump blew off a little steam at a private fundraiser, where house republicans who raked in the most money got a little extra reward: a roast from president donald trump. may not sound that fun, but it brought in way more cash than stephen miller's kissing booth. ( laughter ) unhinge his jaw, swallow your whole head. ( laughter ) in particular, trump singled out representative steve scalise, who as you might recall, was shot at a congressional softball game a couple of years back. so, ripe for roasting. trump told a story about scalise's wife, who he said, "cried her eyes out when i met her at the hospital that fateful day. i mean, not many wives would react that way to tragedy. i know mine wouldn't." ( laughter ) ( applause ) (as trump) "the joke is: my wife hates my
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guts. we're in a totally loveless marriage. she'd leave me but she's afraid i'd deport her. women, am i right? take my wife, please. oh wait, she's not here." ( laughter ) >> jon: wow. >> stephen: even -- even -- even -- even trump's true love has turned on him. i'm talking, of course, about twitter. ( laughter ) yesterday, twitter's c.e.o. jack dorsey announced that the site would ban all political ads ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: -- explaining they "presented challenges to civic discourse." to which twitter responded, "our civic discourse is fine, you cuck." ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) twitter's announcement was really a jab at one man: facebook founder and the mayor of the silicon uncanny valley, mark zuckerberg. lately, zuck has been on the defensive because facebook will still allow politicians to run any claims, even false ones.
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( audience reacts ) yeah. >> jon: wow. >> stephen: which explains amy klobuchar's new add, "vote for me, i can fly!" we've got a great show for you tonight. speaker nancy pelosi is my guest. but when we return, "meanwhile!" stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) fish roe. risotto. buffalo. (buffalo wild wings) gelato. cheesecake. (cheesecake factory) grilled steak. clam bake. milkshake. brussels sprout. sauerkraut. fresh-caught trout. alfalfa sprout. curry. fried turkey. mcflurry. (mcdonald's) cacciatori. chimichurri. ad-lib: (inhale) spiral ham. blackberry jam. rack of lamb. candied yams. pokes. smokeys. gnocchis. and them banging raviolis. we are america's kitchen.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! give it up for jon batiste and "stay human"! jon, i'm liking the glasses. i like the turtleneck and jacket
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and glads. >> jon: got to roll with it. it's halloween. >> stephen: are you in costume? >> jon: composite character, ron 3,000 and ron battiste my twin i just found out about. >> stephen: you know who i have coming up in a minute, naps is going to be right here. ( cheers and applause ) here's the thing, this is what we call in the business an exclusive. today was the vote to formalize the impeachment, open up the hearings. she's been nowhere, done nothing, this is it, straight from there right to the seat. ( cheers and applause ) the questions are right here. do you know what i smell? >> jon: what's that? >> stephen: history. folks, i spend a lot of time over there with my pants rolled up, stomping the biggest news grapes into the velvety cabernet sauvignon that is my monologue.
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but sometimes, i like to tromp down to the basement, mix some grain alcohol with water and juniper berries, stir it all together with an old broom handle, let her sit for like three days, then serve you the bathtub gin of news that is my segment -- >> meanwhile! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's good for what ails you. it will cure you. meanwhile, mcdonald's portugal has pulled an ad which uses the words "sundae bloody sundae" to promote a halloween dessert. "bloody sunday," of course, refers to a day in the 1970s on which british soldiers killed 14 unarmed irish protestors during "the troubles." you scream, i scream, we all scream. ( laughter ) almost as bad as when ruby tuesdays had to apologize for their happy hour: "trail of beers!" ( audience reacts ) and for dessert, tiananmen lemon squares! ( audience reacts )
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see, people, the person you're supposed to be doing that to is mcdonald's because they started this thing. i'm just doing jokes off something they did and i -- meanwhile -- ( laughter ) -- hundreds of new emojis have just been released by the governing body of emojis the unicode consortium. sorry, i said that incorrectly. it's actually pronounced... (deep voice effect) "the unicode consortium. there is only one code. the unicode. and you will adhere to the code. have fun." ( laughter ) the new emojis are focused on diversity, and for the first time ever, they've added gender neutral emojis. which will make it way easier to text someone phrases like "my grandpa is deeply confused by the new gender neutral emojis." ( laughter ) this is great, but i just want to go on record to say, all emojis are gender neutral. they don't show any of the bits and pieces.
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except this one. ( laughter ) meanwhile, in a major shakeup for college sports, for the first time ever, "the n.c.a.a. will permit athletes to be compensated for their names, images and likenesses." ( cheers and applause ) yeah. hell, yes! >> jon: about time. >> stephen: which is great news for everyone except duke's starting point guard, anonymous q. pixel-face. ( laughter ) meanwhile, in maritime news, a "woman who stood on a ship's railing for a selfie was barred for life from a cruise line." do you know how out of control you have to be to get banned from a cruise? ( laughter ) that's a vacation for people who are already on the no-fly list. ( laughter ) and everyone ought to know better by now anyway. this isn't the first time a cruise passenger has gotten dangerously close to the rails. jim? >> excuse me!
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please step back from the railing. >> i'm flying! >> guys? i'm serious. okay, that's it! this will be your last trip on the "titanic." you're going to be really sorry! ( laughter ) >> stephen: meanwhile -- it was a long time ago! >> jon: it was. >> stephen: meanwhile, "america's pile of uneaten bacon is the biggest in 48 years." how could this happen? america's favorite food is "pile." ( laughter ) tell you what. just fry it all up. somebody will eat it. we'll be right back with nancy pelosi. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) not even our competitor's best battery can match the power of energizer. because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer.
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annoepidemic fueled by juul use with their kid-friendly flavors. san francisco voters stopped the sale of flavored e-cigarettes. but then juul, backed by big tobacco, wrote prop c to weaken e-cigarette protections. the san francisco chronicle reports prop c is an audacious overreach, threatening to overturn the ban on flavored products approved by voters. prop c means more kids vaping. that's a dangerous idea. vote no on juul. no on big tobacco. no on prop c. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: ladies and
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gentlemen, welcome back! great night, jon! very good night. >> jon: really big night, really big night! ( cheers and applause ) i'm proud to say that my first guest is a congresswoman from california and the first woman elected speaker of the house. her latest project is impeaching the president of the united states. please welcome speaker nancy pelosi! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: madam speaker,
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thank you for being here today. i know you've had a busy one. ( laughter ) this is truly an historic day. thank you for making time to be on our silly show. ( cheers and applause ) >> it is a busy day. >> stephen: it is. but i wanted to thank you for your patriotism, i really am because -- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh, thank you very much. >> this is a sad thing for our country. we do this prayerfully with great seriousness. nobody goes to congress to impeach a president, and you've had your fun with the policy and the personality and the rest -- >> stephen: sure. -- and that's about the election. the patriotism, the constitution is really what impeachment is about. so i welcome the opportunity to take us to, again, where you have been, bs but in, shall we say, a little different vein. >> stephen: yes, a slightly different vein. ( applause ) so the house voted today. are we done?
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is the president impeached? >> no. no, but thank you for asking. what happened today was a continuation of our inquiry that we have but to set forth the rules of procedure for how we go forward now, spelling out the president's rights, due process for him, how the majority and the minority will have equal time to question witnesses and the rest. it's about fairness because, as i said, this is about the constitution and how we go forward with this and no decision has been made to impeach, that's what the inquiry is about, but how we go forward is a test for us to do so worthy of the constitution, worthy of our founders' sacrifice when they established this constitution. ( applause ) ( cheering ) >> stephen: as you said -- as you said, and you have said before, this is -- this is a sad occasion, in a way, because you don't want to have to take these steps. the reason why people do get
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happy sometimes is because people want to know that actions have consequences ( cheers and applause ) and there have been so few consequences for this president, when he's admitting on the white house lawn the crimes that he has been willing to do in order to help himself. >> well i think what's most important, the most important thing for the american people to realize and understand is no one is above the law. ( cheers and applause ) not the president of the united states, or not. in the earlier stage of our revolution, thomas payne wrote, the times have found us. here they were, they declared independence, they fought a war, they established a country, they wrote a constitution that was to free them from a monarchy and to establish a democracy, a republic, as you know from history, when, september 17th, 1787, was the day that the constitution was adopted. on that day, when benjamin
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franklin walked out of independence hall, they said, what do we have, mr. franklin, a monarchy or a republic? he said, a republic, if we can keep it. and republic, the genius of that constitution is three co-equal branches of government, a check and balance on each other, separation of power, not a monarchy, a republic. that very same day, september 17, this year, was the day the news broke about that telephone call. and that went right to the heart of our constitution. >> stephen: when you first heard that telephone call, when you first heard what was said, what was your first reaction? whawhat were the first words tht came out of your house and we can bleep them if need be. >> i prayed for the united states of america, really, because it's very sad. we don't want to impeach a president, we don't want the reality that a president has done something that is in violation of the constitution,
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but it was more about -- so much had happened before, and i had not been, shall we say, enthusiastic about the divisiveness that would incur from an impeachment, weighing the equities. i said then he notes worth impeaching because it's only going to divide the country further than he has already divided it. but this is something that you could not ignore. in one conversation, he undermined our national security by withholding military assistance to a country that had been voted on by the congress of the united states to the benefit of the russians. at the same time, he jeopardized the integrity of our elections, the heart of our democracy, and, in doing so, in my view, he possibly violated his oath of office to protect and preserve the constitution of the united states. >> stephen: do you have any doubt? because you say possibly -- ( cheers and applause )
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what -- what is the shred of doubt for you there? because if you are extort ago foreign government in order to investigate your political rivals, what doubt is there that he's trying to undermine and tamper with our elections using a foreign power? >> well, some people believe this is one of the investigations where the smoking gun came out first, and that call was a smoking gun. >> stephen: right. in all fairness, to give people the opportunity to prove their innocence, whatever, what's the interpretation of this or that, and, on the other hand, have corroboration of what happened, we have the inquiry, and we will have the public hearings coming up soon. >> stephen: it seems like it's like an investigation truly in reverse in that we found the guy with the bloody knife in his hand and the dead body, now the investigation is defined if enough people care. >> well, and that's part of the -- that's part of this. when i went out to formalize the
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inquiry, the inquiry has been going on for a very long time, but a week after that september 17th was the morning the president called about how perfect the phone call was, and my view was that it was perfectly wrong -- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but here's the thing to remember, they make a big thing of saying, well, if it was so wrong, why would the president put out the notice for the meeting? it was a whistleblower. we would have never blown about this abseptember the whistleblower coming forward, and then they put some to have the notes forward, some of what was on the call. but the fact is that, before that announcement, the public was against moving forward 59 to 34. >> stephen: i actually was against it. >> yeah. >> stephen: i said many times on the show i don't think impeachment is the right thing, i think it lets the american people off too easy, i think the president himself has to be rejected by the voters or else
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his followers will feel like it was stolen from them, but when it became tampering with the election by using a foreign policy, which is on brand for him -- >> you have amused us all, as i say, with your pateatric approach to calling it -- making people aware. in the midst of all of this, while you take it from your point of view, and i have to have a serious approach to it, doesn't mean i'm not amused by some of what you do. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: yes, yes, thank you. >> what happened on that september 17th and the week later with the telephone call and then our announcement later that day was that it had clarity. so many of the things,
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obstruction of justice, abuse of power, this had clarity and the polls immediately changed on it. this for me had nothing to do with politics. people said you didn't want to do it because you would jeopardize some of your members. had nothing to do with politics or partisanship, it's only about patriotism and that's why i want to thank you for your patriotism, it is a civics lesson people have to know you can't do this. this genius of the constitution is three separate co-equal branches of government, and he said article 2. we're article 1 the legislative branch, the first branch of government. he said article 2 says i can do whatever i want. >> stephen: yeah, they put that in there because trump can do anything they want. >> if he had only read the constitution, the federalist papers, the rest, they did not want a monarchy, a unitarian
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government where one person called all the shots, overturned action of congress in terms of military assistance to a country, you know, all of those kinds of things. so this is about the constitution. so what we are defending is our democracy. this isn't about his personality, his policies, his -- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i have a theory. i have a theory that they released the transcript of the phone call, such as it is because we're learning there's more transcript -- >> it was notes. >> stephen: they released the notes because they couldn't see how it would play. they didn't perceive that action as corrupt as everyone else would see it. they just thought, like, sure, a little horse trading with the influence with another country not a big deal. i think he lacks the empathy to understand how people can perceive his corruption.
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>> well, you're being very gent. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, how about this -- he's really dumb. ( laughter ) >> no, no, you said he lacks the empathy to understand that that was wrong. >> stephen: no, that people would see it as wrong. >> see it as wrong. but i think integrity is the word that this is about. ( applause ) what is the integrity? but again, thomas payne said the times have found us. they found our founders to fight the war, establish the constitution, and franklin said, a republic, if we can keep it, and we have the responsibility to keep the republic. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i know you're clearly a big fan of thomas payne. i'm a fan of gandolf who in the lord of the rings when frodo said i wish i had never lived in
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such times, he said so do all people who live to see such times but that's not for you to decide, what is for you to decide is what to do with the time that is given you. gandalf, one of the founding fathers. ( applause ) we'll be right back with speaker nancy pelosi. please don't go away. oh! oh! oh! ♪ ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of once-weekly ozempic®. in a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than 7 and maintained it. oh! under 7? (announcer) and you may lose weight. in the same one-year study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. oh! up to 12 pounds?
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, we're back with speaker nancy pelosi fresh off the vote today in congress. madam speaker, you said, and and schiff also said, you didn't have to have a vote on impeachment or formalizing it. why did you do it? because gates wouldn't invite you to his pizza party? why did you do it? >> because i like my own brand of pizza. we didn't have a vote to formalize the inquiry. the vote we took today was to present the rules of prorchl. >> stephen: it's already started this is how it's going to happen? >> it has been in effect a long time. the constitution gives the house of representatives that power, that authority, and i would not have a vote because it would in some way imply that you need it to have a vote. no, it is there, it exists by authority of the constitution, and to back that up, just even last week, we had a court
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decision which said that that was the case. it recognizes abinquiry is going on but to go forward we want to have clarity about how transparent it would be how public the hearings would be, how fair it would be to the president, and that's what happened today. you would have thought that the republicans would all vote for it because it gave them more rights than we ever received in any of the other impeachment proceedings. >> stephen: none of the republicans voted for it and back in march we said you would go forward if it was bipartisan. >> no -- >> stephen: kevin kevin said what's changed about that? >> no, i said i would hope that it would be bipartisan, but if they're not tboict honor their oath of office to protect and defend the constitution of the united states, i cannot be held up by that, whether it's in the house or the senate. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: let's talk about -- there's a lot of talk about due process and as you
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said you laid out what the rules will be, what the processes will be. could it be just about anything? because we have hillary clinton on here a couple of months ago. they said, oh, there are no rules, you can kind of make it up as you go. could you do red rover with half of the democrats on one side and the republicans on the other and see how many will come running across? >> it's not likely we will do that. >> stephen: but it's possible. no. in the presentation of it, there will be a definition of what the purpose of this is, and, so i think the public will -- again the public interest in this is, of course, heightened by your focus on it in such a, shall we say, perceptive way over all this time. but now, really, it is down to the constitution of the united states. because you might be unhappy with the president because of his cowardice to fight the gun industry, to have gun violence prevention, this is a bullet
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that's made to remember all the people who have died from gun violence. this is an obsession that i have. we're not going away till we pass this. in fact, the morning that the president called me about the phone call, he started off by saying i'm calling to give you a report on all the progress we're making on the background check legislation which i still haven't seen what the progress is but he knew that that would get my attention early in the morning. >> stephen: right. and then he moved on to how perfect the call was. ( laughter ) so we've had so much legislation that we have sent over. gun violence prevention, background check legislation, supported by 85, 90% of the american people. >> stephen: what are we not hearing about because all the oxygen in the room is being sucked up by impeachment? >> what's so strange about it is leader in the senate mitch mcconnell whom you acknowledged earlier, he -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes, i did acknowledge him.
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( laughter ) >> he has said that he is the grim reaper. imagine describing yourself as a legislature as the grim reaper that everything we send over will die in the senate. then in the next breath he says all they do is impeach. well, we've sent him scores of bills, scores of bills, and they have been about gun violence prevention for young people, climate action now, net neutrality for women, ending the violence against women, equal pay for equal work, raising minimum wage for two-thirds of the people getting a raise from that will be women, whether we're talking about protecting our dreamers in terms of our promise act in that regard, our equality ending discrimination of the lgbtq community, just to name a few things that we have sent over. ( cheers and applause ) but the list goes on and on. and, by the way, all of them
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very popular in the public. so we're not looking for a fight. we were looking for bringing people together, which i think is our responsibility. >> stephen: we have to take one more break. sorry about that. but if you will stick around, we'll be right back with more nancy pelosi, everybody. break break ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) (audience cheering) i love your material. so warm and cozy. and festive. - what material are you talking about? - and we're out of time! go mad for plaid with up to fifty percent off storewide. that's up to fifty percent off. at old navy. burrito. raw kitfo. fried shiso. french fry. iced chai. tasty. pad thai. baked pie. half stack. taco pack. lobster mac. baby back. pork chop. soda pop. kebab. soursop. hot pot. i'm hungry now. noodle soup. cantaloupe. ice cream scoop. whipped cream bloop. dumpling. chicken wing. peking.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody. ladies and gentlemen, we're here with speaker nancy pelosi. there was a big vote today in congress formalizing the procedures for impeachment. when do public hearings start? >> they will be -- soon. >> stephen: could you be vaguer? ( laughter ) could i ask you a favor, please? as someone who has to talk about this stuff every night, could you please not have them at night? because then i have to do a live show every night after the hearings. could you have them at 9:00 in the morning and have all the footage come in by, say, 2:00 o we can due to it for our show?
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>> that might be a consideration. ( laughter ) >> stephen: please. but recognizing the seriousness of it, there's probably no more serious vote that members could take. nobody comes to congress to impeach a president. our purpose is to go there, work together, competition of ideas to get the best result for the american people. so when we have to do this, i trust the work of the committee and i would be hart put to say, as you plan the schedule, think about editing for the nightly shows. >> stephen: say my name, stephen colbert, because that might have some weight. it's the number one show. ( cheers and applause ) i'm not saying do it for kimmel. i'm saying do it for colbert. >> all right, i'll give it a try. ( applause ) seriously, this is about the truth. it's about the truth and the constitution, and their schedule will relate to that, and, hopefully, it will be
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compatible. >> stephen: i'm saying it's still true in the morning if it was true at night. please find the truth in the morning. ( laughter ) last question, madam speaker, now, every republican has rolled the bones that you don't have enough to impeach the president. >> no, no, no, no. >> stephen: they've all voted against her and said she's got nothing, they don't have what it takes to impeach the president. are you looking at kevin mccarthy and the rest of the republicans and saying, "do you feel lucky, punk?" ( laughter ) >> here's the thing about this, again, it's about the constitution. it's about the constitution. we take an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the united states, what those people fought for and thank god they made it amendable so we could expand freedom over time and it's about three co-equal branches of government. we're honoring our oath of office, we're there to strengthen the institution which we serve, and if they don't want
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to do that, that's their problem, but it's interesting because they have been talk process, process, process because they know they can't really go near the substance issue. ( applause ) >> stephen: if you've got the goods on president trump, or if the constitution has the goods on president trump, to put it in your vernacular, it's already a rough political landscape, are you prepared for how rough it's going to get? because you know the guy's not going easy in a street fight. ( laughter ) >> i got this beautiful honor last night. the l.b.j. award. when i was accepting it, i told two stories, and one of them is -- i'll be quick -- one of them was what advice would you give people who want to run for office? and i told them they have to have their vision, knowledge, strategic thinking and connection to the aspirations of their constituents, but i said this is not for the faint of
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heart. so if you want to go into the arena, you have to be prepared to take a punch. but you also have to be prepared to throw a punch for the children, for the children! ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: throw a punch for the children. >> for the children! >> stephen: madam speaker, thank you so much for being here on this momentous day. good luck to the constitution. >> there we are. >> stephen: house speaker nancy pelosi, everybody! we'll be right back! ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ the holidays begin here at the disneyland resort.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: well, that's it for "the late show," folks. tune in tomorrow when conan o'brien and curtis "50 cent" jackson will interview me. now stick around for james corden. good night! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> fake news, nancy! ( laughter ) fake news! gotcha! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show


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