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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  November 27, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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have a wonderful, safe and happy things. captioning sponsored by cbs >> hi, i'm fox news anchor chris wallace. you may know me from your parents' tv when you go home to do laundry. i'm used to moderating presidential debates and political roundtables, but there is nothing more combative than the thanksgiving dinner table. so i'm here to share my thanksgiving dinner moderating tips to keep things from get too rowdy at this year's family gathering. the loudist person in the family should be seated next to the quietest person in the family, and that's the garden gnome in the backyard. ( laughter ) if your family is fighting about whether to serve roasted turkey or fried turkey, just go ahead and serve them "wild turkey." do not let family leave the table without saying, "excuse me," or "freedom of the press is the cornerstone of our democracy."
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can't decide who has to clean up after thanksgiving dinner? do the smart thing-- just move. happy thanksgiving. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, talkin' turkey. plus, stephen welcomes ll cool j, and chef jose andres featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thanks is tomorrow! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome, one and all, to "the
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late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) it's thanksgiving eve! i hope you have all hung up your stockings and filled them with gravy. now, as i've said, thanksgiving is tomorrow. thanksgiving is tomorrow. if you're traveling today, we wish you a safe trip. but it could be a crowded one, because over thanksgiving, a record 31.6 million passengers will travel on u.s. airlines, and you're gonna see all their feet. ( laughter ) right on the armrest, right there. but check the weather, because a couple of big storms are expected to blast the west coast and the midwest, and key airport hubs could see major delays. but do not worry. because there's no reason you can't have a perfectly good thanksgiving eating "hudson news" almonds while charging your phone in the "pet relief" area. okay. yeah. ( applause ) you gotta make do. >> jon: come on! >> stephen: love the one you're with. >> jon: yeah, that's right.
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>> stephen: now, if you're packing, there's good news: according to the t.s.a., you can bring your thanksgiving turkey on an airplane. just tell them it's your emotional support meat. ( laughter ) okay, you gotta get the vest. you gotta get the little got to get the little vest. as for other thanksgiving foods, "pie or cookies are allowed right in your carry-on," gravy and cranberry sauce can go in your checked luggage," and corn pudding can go directly to hell. ( laughter ) and this thanksgiving, there are a bunch of democrats vying for a chance to carve up the white house turkey. and i'll tell you all about it in tonight's "doing it donkey style." >> america is better than this! >> stephen: kick 'em, donks! this week, the democratic field picked up yet another candidate: billionaire and former new york mayor, michael bloomberg. now, if you don't live in new york, you may not be familiar with bloomberg. also, if you don't live in new york, you've never seen a fully
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naked man screaming at a discarded television on your way to drop off your kid at school. but as every new yorker knows, bloomberg doesn't exactly have an immaculate track record. take his stop-and-frisk policy, which disproportionately targeted black and latino men. now, the mayor's defenders will remind you that bloomberg immediately recognized that this was the wrong thing to do and apologized for it-- a week ago. ( laughter ) he took a long, hard look at his past decisions, did some agonizing re-appraisal, and realized that in his heart, he'd really like to be president. now bloomberg has also hit some bumps it the past when it comes bumps it the past when it comes to talking about women. see, he got super-rich by selling a special line of computer terminals to stock and back in the 80s during the sales pitch, he claimed the machine will do everything, including oral sex, adding, "i guess that puts a lot of you girls out of business."
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now, obviously, that's just an awful joke, and he did not mn it lit. but i'm guessing at least one finance bro had to find that out the hard way. elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere on the campaign trail, our old favorites are doing what they do best: shaking their money-makers. bernie was in new hampshire this weekend, and here's how he started his speech. >> the first thing i'm going to do is take off my jacket. >> stephen: (as bernie) "the second thing i'm going to do is press play on this boomed box and ask if the bachelorette has been a naughty, naughty girl." but it was at the after-party when things got really exciting, because bernie took to the dance floor and was truly adorable. check it out. ♪ ♪ ♪ the way you do the things you do the way you do the things do ♪
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>> stephen: bernie, just because you've had heart trouble, doesn't give you the right to melt mine. ( laughter ) then-- then, there's news from the campaign of former vice president and man learning that the diner distribute have the soup he likes, joe biden. biden is still leading by double digits, nationally, but he has been slipping in the polls in iowa. but he's trying to get back into the game. we recently learned that last month, biden said this to supporters: "i'm asking you to take a look-- i'm asking for your help. commit to caucusing for me on february the fourth." only problem. the caucuses are february third. doesn't matter. doesn't matter. that's fine. what matters is the general election, and joe biden wants you to vote on november 35! you walk into that voting booth, you ignore all the buttons with the floor numbers.
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just shout "joe biden" at the ceiling until the nice fireman comes and rescues you! next up-- next up-- ( applause ) next up on the donk stonk, billionaire former hedge fund manager and artist explaining the secret behind his turkey portrait, tom steyer. ( laughter ) stier-- stier-- some people here were children once. steyer has spent over $50 million of his own money on his campaign so far and is still only polling at 1.2%. at a recent event, he was asked about his low odds of winning the nomination. here's what he said: >> i know this is going to sound a little strange, kenna. i don't want to be president. ( laughter ) >> stephen: have i got some good
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news for you. ( applause ) you do, you don't. either you do or you don't. but there is one rich dude who isn't running for president. yesterday, we heard from papa john's founder and madame tussauds elvis statue that was left in a hot garage, john schnatter. schnatter, you might remember, was fired from papa john's last year after he used the "n" word on a conference call. oooh, schnatter really schnat the bed. ( laughter ) ever since, he's been trying to get back into the spotlight. this week, he appeared on a local kentucky news channel to voice concerns about the current state of papa john's pizza. >> i've had over 40 pizzas in the last 30 days, and it's not the same pizza. >> stephen: 40 pizzas in 30 days. move over, "angela's ashes," because this is now the saddest story ever told. so-- so--
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( applause ) peggy's pies. so what are schnatter's complaints with the company's new pies? >> it's not the same product. it just doesn't taste the same. the way they make the pizza, the way they're putting the pizza together, it's just not fundamentally sound to what makes a papa john's pizza a papa john's pizza. >> stephen: you're not at a great point in your life when you're able to notice the drop in quality of a $4 pizza. ( laughter ) "what? this isn't nearly as good as the pizza i normally eat while weeping in my car." ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ schnatter promises that you haven't heard the last of him. >> i would just say stay tuned.o >> stephen: he's right. i've eaten papa john's pizza ( laughter ) and there is always a reckoning. ( laughter ) ( applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight! ll cool j is here. but when we come back, huge
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book news about a huge book. stick around. these little cups would make great stocking stuffers. ♪ but how about right-now-in-your-mouth stuffers. happy holidays to your mouth. not sorry. reese's. well, maybe not forever. doors open 2pm thursday. save on boots...keurig®... diamond 40% off levi's® jeans for him and her! sale ends saturday! jcpenney!
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11:48 pm 20 to 60% off department store prices. most stores are open thanksgiving, 6pm to midnight. reopening friday at 7am. ...with extended hours saturday and sunday. yes for less.
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your sister stopped borrowing your sweaters? yeah! that's yes for less. stop stealing mine... never. holiday gifts everyone's sure to love at 20 to 60 percent off department store prices. at ross. yes for less. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) playing allowed. jon, one of the pillars-- i believe one of the pillars of this industry we call entertainment, l.l. cool j., is here tonight. he always brings it, the consummate professional. >> jon: oh, yes. >> stephen: wake you want kids. folsk, as i said repeatedly in this show, as if i have some sort of condition that forces me to repeat it, tomorrow is
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thanksgiving. tomorrow is thanksgiving. ( cheers and applause ) tomorrow is thanks. anyway, tomorrow is thanksgiving. and we've got a lot to be thankful for here at "the late show," starting with this book "whose boat is this boat? comments that don't help in the aftermath of a hurricane." this book was written, by accident, by donald trump. all of the words inside are things he actually said while touring the damage from hurricane florence. and thanks to our publishers, simon & schuster, all proceeds from the book go to disaster relief, like "world central kitchen," which was started by our guest tonight, jose andres. ( applause ) okay. if you want to help, pick up your copy today to help out, or check it out of the library for free, if you hate helping people. ( laughter ) which brings us to idaho's coeur d'alene library, which
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i do not have to tell you, was 2012's idaho library of the year. suck it, north bingham county public library! i don't mean that, north bingham county public library. you guys are the bomb! now, you might remember, a couple of weeks ago, i told you that an unknown troublemaker in coeur d'alene was taking books and hiding them around the library so patrons couldn't find them. now, they haven't been able to catch the culprit in the act, despite the library's new campaign, "if you see something, whisper something." ( laughter ) and here's the specific thing about this. the bandit, evidentally, targeted left-leaning books, particularly anything that was critical of president trump, and that included "whose boat is this boat?" now, obviously, from your-- you, you agree, we couldn't let that happen. so a couple of weeks ago, we came up with a solution. i don't believe anyone should mess with library books.
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so we've decided to help out the readers of coeur d'alene by sending them an unhide-able edition of "whose boat is this boat?" come on out! there you go! ( applause ) good luck hiding this one, sucker. that book, which is an actual, functional, actual book, is three feet by four feet-- almost as big as the menu at the cheesecake factory. and i'm proud to say that our special unhideable version of "whose boat is this boad?" has made its way to the coeur d'alene public library. and we've got some exclusive footage. here we've got a few librarians carrying the book in and unpacking it. they had some trouble figuring out where to shelf the book. so they brought the book over for a little story time. after which, one of the kids figured out it could be used as a tent. ( laughter )
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so not only does this book fund hurricane relief. this edition can also serve as temporary shelter! finally, a couple of young readers decided to check the book out, then lugged it out to their car to take it home. fun fact: that copy of the book weighs 27 pounds, so if those kids do a book report on it, it counts as both "language arts" and "p.e.," although-- ( applause ) although, they should make sure to get it back to the library on time. because any late fees incurred with the oversized edition must be paid via giant novelty check. and coeur d'alene's library.tty? >> anytime a book is censored, a million more people want to read it. and, so, thanks. >> stephen: well said. well said, betty!
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so pick up your copy of "whose boat is this boat" today, wherever normal-sized books are sold. thank you, coeur d'alene public library! happy thanksgiving! thanks is tomorrow. we'll be right back with ll cool j. oh! oh! oh! ♪ ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of once-weekly ozempic®. in a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than 7 and maintained it. oh! under 7? (announcer) and you may lose weight.
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hbut mike bloomberg became thele clasguy whoho mdid good. after building a business that created thousands of jobs he took charge of a city still reeling from 9/11 a three-term mayor who helped bring it back from the ashes bringing jobs and thousands of affordable housing units with it. after witnessing the terrible toll of gun violence... he helped create a movement to protect families across america. and stood up to the coal lobby and this administration to protect this planet from climate change. and now, he's taking on... him. to rebuild a country and restore faith in the dream that defines us. where the wealthy will pay more in taxes and the middle class get their fair share. everyone without health insurance can get it and everyone who likes theirs keep it.
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and where jobs won't just help you get by, but get ahead. and on all those things mike blomberg intends to make good. jobs creator. leader. problem solver. mike bloomberg for president. i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back! my first guest is a multi-platinum, grammy-winning artist, a bestselling author, and an actor you know from his 11 seasons on "ncis: los angeles." please welcome back to "the late show," ll cool j. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: hey, dapper dan. >> dapper dan. >> stephen: good to see you again. >> what's up? what's up? ( cheers and applause ) i like the vibe. >> stephen: now, this being wednesday, tomorrow is thanksgiving. >> right. >> stephen: and this is-- this is our last show before we take a little bit of a break. >> absolutely gli like to do the cooking? do you do the cooking for thanksgiving? >> no, if i cooked you would be in the hospital. it would be tough. >> stephen: i find that hard to believe. because i saw "deep blue sea." you played a cook in "deep blue sea." a jesus-loving cook who has a cockatoo. >> i only made an omelet inee cooking requires more than that. >> stephen: you never cooked for yourself. >> a lot of chinese food. >> stephen: i know that recipe. >> let's not make it sound fancy. i can fry some baloney. i will whip up some baloney for you. you know, you take the fork and stick that little bubble and put on, you know, some toast and a little mustard and mayo.
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>> stephen: that's what i'm talking about. >> i'm a mast wer that. >> stephen: the whole thing goes in the turkey. >> i'll tell you one thing i can do-- i know how to carve a turkey. >> stephen: oh,ially rale. >> yeah. >> stephen: what's your approach? >> you go right by the back bone. >> stephen: and come in like that and it's all slices. >> all my vegan friends are real unhappy with me right now. sorry! >> stephen: now this is-- this is-- this is exciting. you were announced that you're doing the-- you're hosting the kennedy center honors this year. >> yes, yes. >> stephen: that's a great-- >> yes. ( applause ). >> thank you, thank you. >> stephen: it's one of my favorite nights-- one of my favorite nights in the year. also in 2017 you were the first hip-hop artist honored with a kennedy center honor which was very meaningful to a lot of people. what did that mean to you? >> it's amazing because as my career progressed we were able to do a lot of firsts for hip-hop and not just for me but it lifts the entire genre up and validates it with a certain audience at a certain level.
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i'm honored to be a part of it. it will be cool to host ask just have a good time and get out there. it's not about me. it's about the show. we're going to have some fun and, you know, kennedy center honors, let's do it. >> stephen: i hosted a few time-- i host aid few times and it's like a whole weekend. it's like a wedding. >> you go to the state department. >> stephen: that room at the state department. >> i remember sitting at the table with james brown, and i'm sitting there having dinner with james brown. and it was just, like, you know, i kept leaning-- huh? i was leaning over a little bit. buit was an amazing, amazing feeling to jus you'r surdesout america for one second, right. we have our differences and a lot of us see the world with different threats and different things. but when you get past some of those threats and everybody thinks that threat is different, depending on where their viewpoint is, we really have an
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amazing country, right? >> stephen: sure. >> and i think that-- ( applause ). >> yeah. and i think that, you know, me sitting there with james brown and just sitting in that room, it just-- you know, it showed me that anything is possible. i didn't say that there aren't systemic issues. i didn't say that there aren't certain things that certain people aren't held back, and certain doors certain people can't get in. we know there is things that exist in this country like that. but overall, i think that we've got a lot of up side, you know, doing this american thing. and we kind of got to, you know, not lose sight of that pup know what i mean? >> stephen: and that night when you go to the state department, it's so beautiful, because when you walk nthe first room you walk into, there is the actual treaty of paris. >> it's crazy. >> stephen: signed by thomas jefferson. there is the desk that he wrote declaration of independence on. >> actually, david rubenstein actually had a copy of it -- >> stephen: the president of the senate. >> yeah, yeah. he had a copy of the declaration of independence there, there, like, he had purchased. >> stephen: you can't help but
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be moved by the entire thing. ip but, remember, freedom should be for all of us, right. and we have to, you know, all be free, right. and i think that's very important. and it's not about bitterness. it's not about trying to find something to be angry about. it's not about sticking your chest out just to be stick your chest out. but it's about finding that common ground, that common connection, and acting on that and injecting a little bit of love into that. and i think that we can kind of move forward. i'm not trying to be overly idealistic. i think it's something we need. >> stephen: i think yellism is good. you have to have a standard, you know. you hope to behave that way. >> absolutely. >> stephen: you started off when you were so young. here are you-- this is even when you first started. this is you at 17. and you've already-- you'd already been going for a couple years at this point. >> i can tell by the jewelry. yeah. >> stephen: you already-- >> i didn't start off with jewelry. >> stephen: you released your fien you w >> stephen: did your family
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encourage you, or were they kind of baffled by the desire? >> well, you know, i had a family-- i had a grandmother who always tun, never leave it until it's done." and that sounded cute until i w" i ended up leaving the house. i slept on the train for a while, slept at friends' houses, jumping over roaches -- >> stephen: you weren't living at home because you prioritized your career and that was not understand. >> when i had 12, $1500 bucks to contribute, "come on in, baby!" all of a sudden i was, you know, salmon and grits, biscuits and rolls and, you know. so-- but, you know, it was' fun time. it was a fun time. >> stephen: did you ever think about quitting? >> you always-- yes, absolutely. listen, listen -- >> stephen: when did you stop thinkinthinking about quitting? >> you never stop thinking about quitting.
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not if you're striving to be agreement and make your dreams a reality. there is nobody who is successful who has nev ou quitting. it's absurd to even imagine that. you know, one of the most-- that's-- that's why-- that's what it takes, right? it's powering through those times where you feel like you can't make it. it's powering through those times when you feel like you should just forget everything. >> stephen: but once you've made it, there's i can't stay at the standard i want to keep for myself. >> if you're not getting better, you're getting worse. making it, all that means is that you've achieved that goal. but if you want to live a full and rich life, when you achieve that goal, you need to set a new goal, right. there is no "making it." it's not like oh, you get a check and you made it. bill gates, phenomenal guy. he's done incredibly well with his life and the finance, he's still trying to find a cure for malaria. you set new goals. there's always going to be something because i think we're on this plan tote maximize our potential. we're not just here to either make a lot of money or be really
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famous, and that's it. like, you want to maximize your potential, whatever it is you do. and i don't believe that dreams have deadline. i'll give you an interesting example. like, i was speaking to elena bunch roam throw upon the founder and the guy who built the national museum of african american history and culture in d.c. at the smithsonian. now that idea of building that museum is over a century old, over 100 years old. people have failed and tried and failed and tried. and this guy went in there and over the course of 11 years he was able to build this museum and take this museum to another level and now people from around the world can request gdown there and get an experience they probably never would have gotten and that's patrol to the american story because you want to know about all the people in america so you can have a better understanding of who we are as a country. when you look at that, that guy doing, that you than dreams don't have deadlines, and there's never an end. he had done many things that were really amazing prior to that. so that's an example. ( applause ). >> stephen: beautiful.
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now, you're an actor on "ncis: los angeles", as everybody here knows. you started acting in the early 19s when upper already a successful hip-hop star. why did you want to become an actor, too? >> i didn't want to limit myself. i felt i had the ability. and i'll even be more candid. the first time i went to a record company i said, "i'm thinkinthinking about starting w record," and the guy started adjusting himself in the seat. i said i'm not going to be handcuffed to this game. i have to be able to do different things. i have the talent and the ability, with humiment, i have theitallant and the ability to do other things. i'm not going to be doing one thing just to be doing it you. >> stephen: have done it on "ncis: los angeles" is in its 11th season. i will ask you again the first question i asked you about this show: how much naval crime is there in los angeles? ( laughter ) and how good could you and chris
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odobl be if there's still this much naval crime after 11 seasons? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. crime is over. there's no more crime, yeah, yeah. we've solved crime. crime is solved. >> stephen: good to see you. thank you so much for being here. "ncis: los angeles" airs sundays at 9:00 p.m. on cbs. ll cool j, everybody! we'll be right back with or flendz chef jose andres. don't miss the biggest doorbusters of the season. black friday, only at target. hbut mike bloomberg became thele clasguy whoho mdid good. after building a business that created thousands of jobs he took charge of a city still reeling from 9/11 a three-term mayor who helped bring it back from the ashes bringing jobs and thousands of affordable housing units with it. after witnessing the terrible toll of gun violence...
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he helped create a movement to protect families across america. and stood up to the coal lobby and this administration to protect this planet from climate change. and now, he's taking on... him. to rebuild a country and restore faith in the dream that defines us. where the wealthy will pay more in taxes and the middle class get their fair share. everyone without health insurance can get it and everyone who likes theirs keep it. and where jobs won't just help you get by, but get ahead. and on all those things mike blomberg intends to make good. jobs creator. leader. problem solver. mike bloomberg for president.rd approve this message. (little boy) he's coming! (make-a-wish volunteer) ok, he's coming, c'mon c'mon... here we go.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) my next guest is a james beard award-winning chef who founded the charity "world central kitchen," which has provided disaster relief to millions all over the world. please welcome our friend jose andres. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: please, have a seat. no, no, no. beautiful. please. there you go. hold on, friend. let me pull up your collar. there you go. now you're beautiful. now you're beautiful. jose, good to see you again. how have you been? busy. >> very excited. this sofa! immigrants can make it on the
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"stephen colbert show" sofa, too. >> stephen: congratulations, it's quite a moment for you. >> quite a moment. >> stephen: as people know you're a world-famous chef, but you also want to help the world. explain to the people who may not know what "world central kitchen" is and why you want to do it. >> listen, chefs like me, we feed the few. but every day i see my profession wants to feed the many. so it's very simple when, you know, you need to provide medical assistance after a hurricane, who do you send? doctors. when you need to do a reconstruction, engineers, architects. when you need to feed people, who should go? cooks like me. that's what we're doing. and every day, we're more involved. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i know-- i know that you and your team went down to the bahamas with the hurricane dorian. how is the work down there been going? >> listen, over this last
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weekend, the team of "world central kitchen" reached two million meals. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's wonderful. and it's such a thrill. we were-- the we moved north, and we saw it was going towards the bahamas. things were ready in florida, north carolina ready for it. very quickly, we fut on a plane, i joined them, we landed in nasa. within five days we reached 55,000 meals a day. >> stephen: when you get there-- or even before-- we see it on the news. what are you seeing on the ground there that we actually don't see? >> well, what you're going to see is at the end of the day that we have always is people that they want you to listen to them what they need. sometimes we come from the outside, and we try to provide the aid they don't need.
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we need to listen to them, so the first thing is the people. we need to listen to people because they know best what they want. ( applause ) and in our case, i always say that we don't meet, we don't plan. you know, when something like this happens in the bahamas, nobody had food and nobody had water. what do you have to plan? start cooking and start bringing water and start delivering as quick and as fast as you can. that's what we do. ( applause ). >> stephen: i know everybody out there-- people out there want to help. and i want you to tell them how they can help, other than, of course, buying "whose boat is this boat?." because we-- you generous people out there in the television audience have bought this boat to help survivors of disasters over the last year over $2 million with the-our friends at simon & schuster has been raise forward disaster relief, half a million of which has gone to "world central kitchen." and i want people ton you have generously raised $180,000 for
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hurricane dorian relief through "world central kitchen." thank you for what you're doing. you can do more by buying the book. all profits-- all proceeds, not even profits-- go to help with hurricane dorian. what else can seem do. >>, and there you will learn what we do. there are so many other organizations out there. make sure that you inform yourself, that you learn about those organizations are you trying to help. and make sure that those organizations are really doing the work that they are promising to you. make sure that that happens. ( applause ) that's it. go with us or go with anybody else. >> stephen: now, you've got the new book here. it's called "vegetables unleashed." ( laughter ) and you're encouraging people to cook vegetables. you say, "vegetables are sexy," and, clearly, the nigh book is trying to get that idea across. ( laughter ) because that's a very intimate, intimate relationship with those
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carrots you've got going on there. >> i'm a married man. >> stephen: but you're not dead. >> but my wife allows me relationships with carrots, with other vegetables. i mean, those vegetables-- believe me, i have a mini farm in my home, and i'm fighting the squirrels and rabbits and the deer. and these vegetables tell me, "jose, we only want to be loved. we only want you to listen to us, spend some time with us." and that's what i do. i give them some love back. >> stephen: now, here's-- here's-- here's another photo from one of the chapters. i understand you wanted this to be-- you wanted this to be the cover of the book. >> this was very controversial. they called me want--" the blue eyes. the vegetables love my bli blueeyes. i tell you now. and i thought this picture was so much me. i mean, this one is, like, i have a late-night show or something. ( laughter ) >> stephen: don't insult
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yourself! >> oh! this was supposed to be a joke. yeah. ... you're not offended, right? >> stephen: you can't insult me. i have no reputation to lose. ( laughter ) >> i mean, it's okay. i'm a catholic. sunday i'll go to mass and ask for forgiveness. >> stephen: absolveo now. >> thank you. >> stephen: thanksgiving is tomorrow, and you're an american. you've lived here for 30 years. you became a citizen in 2013. what advice do you have to people out there approaching the thanksgiving meal? distress it for them. give them some advice right now. >> number one, if you are not cook, just lie to the people who are cooking for you. because you know your turkey is going to be dry. ( laughter ) you know the cranberry is going to not be very good and too sweet. i mean, the gravy's going to be gummy, and you can put in the
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spoon and it's going to hold up. i mean, do your best to lie to them. you pocker face. tell them how juicy it is. when i pronounce "juicy" nobody understands me, so. "juicy." that was supposed to be a joke, people. >> stephen: you pronounced it too well. >> finally i pronounce english well! yeah. all -- >> stephen: there's no hope to not have a dry turkey? >> no, there's no hope. i mean-- even if you watch all those newspapers and those food network type of shows that everything looks perfect, they are lying to you, people. ( laughter ) they-- they-- it's fake news. fake news. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i mean, president trump is t. it's a of feews out there! >> stephen: yes. it's not-- because if you end up having a juicy turkey in the photograph, that's fake juice. ( laughter ) >> so just lie. be nice to them because they did their best. >> stephen: just say, "oh,
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jose andres couldn't have done this better." >> i called him on the phone. he gave me the recipe personally. but it's all a big lie, people, and you know it. but that's fine. that's what family is here for. >> stephen: yes, lie with love. >> stephen: we have to take a little bit of a break but stick around because we're going to have a cooking demo with jose andres. he'll tell you what to do with your thanksgiving leftovers. we'll be right back. oh, come on. flo: don't worry. you're covered. (dramatic music) and you're saving money, because you bundled home and auto. sarah, get in the house. we're all here for you. all: all day, all night. (dramatic music)
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great job speaking calmly and clearly everyone. that's how you put a customer at ease. hey, did anyone else hear weird voices while they were in the corn? no. no. me either. whispering voice: jamie. what? lights, ornaments, chand lil choo choo trains.. c'mon. the best trees, they kinda only need two things. peanut butter and chocolate. not sorry. reese's.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, we're back here with chef jose andres. okay, jose, we're talking about leftovers. what to do after thanksgiving. what's the most important thing to think about when you're doing leftovers? >> friday morning. >> stephen: friday morning, yes. >> stephen: yes. >> because you've been drinking. forget the turkey. dry, that you got the night before. what do you need? what do you need? >> stephen: a little hair of
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the dog. >> in english? a cocktail. >> stephen: a cocktail, exactly what do we do here? >> i have liquid nitrogen. an ingredient you can buy anywhere. >> stephen: obviously---- >> obviously, everybody should have liquid nitrogen in their lives. why? because -- >> stephen: everybody has leftover liquid nitrogen after thanksgiving. ( laughter ). >> and then-- what are you wearing? >> stephen: what? what is this? this is thanksgiving, not halloween, man. >> stephen: i think our legal team says i have to wear these. >> your legal team? >> >>scebout to come? wow! >> stephen: so soft. there you go. >> wow! wow. >> stephen: why do we need the liquid nitrogen? what are we going to make? >> we're going to make obviously a frozen cranberry, gin,
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vermouth cocktail. >> stephen: i love doing this every year. you open it up, poke a hole in the bottom... ( blowing ) don't-- don't-- don't come to thanksgiving at my house. so what do we do? >> it's friday. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> i'm so lucky. thank you for not inviting me. you put some of the cranberry in this thing. >> stephen: what's in there already? >> whatever. my guys always go ahead. and then we put some vermouth. >> stephen: okay, beautiful. >> and then you're going to put some gin. how do you pronounce it. >> stephen: gin. okayoot's.put uch. and y'roingo startyou'ngo spu , obviously -- >> stephen: how much, all of it? >> i don't know. what does is -- >> stephen: you can't see
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anything. >> you open a can with your mouth and you're asking me for the recipe! i think you are putting too much already! that's it. and then ( blowing ) i think you put too much! oh, my god! you put too much! this is going to explode! people, leave the building! ( laughter ) leave the building! okay. oh, i forgot the champagne! >> stephen: yes. >> yes! this is going to break, really going to break. all right, and then put a little bit in this glass. this is a terrible segment. and then you have the cranberry frozen. and you top it with more of this amazing champagne, and you have here the perfect cocktail to forget that your turkey was so dry. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: perfect! >> oh, my god! >> stephen: perfect.
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okay. >> and then -- >> stephen: okay, now we're going to make-- what are we making with the turkey? >> very quickly. this is-- because cook more turkey than turk you needed. you have extra turk they nobody ate. the first one was so dry, why would you have the second one? what do you do? you break the turkey apart. >> stephen: okay. shall i? >> what's your favorite part. >> stephen: i like the-- i leica-- i like the thigh. >> no. i'm the expert here. >> stephen: oysters. >> you know about it? where are you from, man? >> i'm from south carolina. >> i knew it! >> stephen: right here? >> that's oyster. you can blow into i o yeah. give me that. the oyster is over here, and you have all the pieces here and you
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mix butter, milk, flour, a white sauce. and you add all the leftovers. you can put some of the white meet matte. some of the dark meat. some of the stuffing. maybe some of the green beans nobody ate, and maybe some of the mashed potatoes, and you mix it. and then you make these ball u.s. and put them in the flour like this-- >> >> stephen: it's like gnocchi. >> that is italian. we're cooking spanish here. then you put it in egg wash. and then you-- croquettas. boom! okay. ( applause ) and then-- man, but you know -- >> stephen: i feel-- i feel supefer flus right now. >> you put them in here, and you dip them in the fryer, and they're crying and the croquettas are saying wow this is like a party. i'm so happy. this is like a hot bath, like a hot tub. i'm so hot. and what do you have here? the best leftover turkey
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croquette in the history of mankind. ( applause ) >> stephen: oh, my god! oh, good lord! >> oh, my god! >> stephen: nice camp! >> oh, my god! ♪ ♪ no! no! no! forgive me! forgive me! >> stephen: oh, my god! >> stephen: to learn more about "world central kitchen," go to jose andres, everybody!
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12:37 am a price that makes you the hero? yes! that's yes for less. with hot holiday toys for all ages, ross is your toy destination. it feels even better when you find it for less. at ross. yes for less. >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." happy thanksgiving, everybody! tomorrow is thanksgiving. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from


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