tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS August 12, 2021 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
it continues streaming on cbsnbay area, have a good night captioning sponsored by cbs >> l.s.u.'s "mike the tiger" is now vaccinated against covid 19. the university announced today he received his first dose and second dose. >> it's interesting to note, while the tiger got his shots, only about 38% of louisiana's population is fully vaccinated. ♪
♪ >> stephen: i was waiting for y'all to show up! how are you? ( cheers and applause ) ♪ have a good show. have a good show. ( cheering ) please, have a seat, everybody! welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. and i'm -- ( cheers and applause ) you know what? that is -- that is exactly the kind of energy i need because i'm not going to sugar coat it, folks, the news has been a bit rough lately, which has led to some of our newspapers to broaden their marketing strategy. this morning i saw this shocking tweet -- the "new york times" is rolling out 18-plus subscriber-only newsletters. that's right, y'all.
adults-only content for 18 and over. it's the "new york times" -- after dark ( sensual music ) ( laughter ) ( applause ) they're slightly changing their masthead: "all the nudes that's fit to print." things are going to get nasty at the old grey lady-- or, as i call her "the mature honey." get ready to see "new york times" crossword puzzle editor will shortz, sans shorts. ( laughter ) are you ready to solve 69-down? ( laughter ) it's a seven-letter word for -- ( laughter ) the industry insider who posted the original "18+" tweet has since deleted it and explained, "to be clear, i got lazy and should have said "at least 18 newsletters.
( laughter ) the 'new york times' is not getting into porn." damn it! ( applause ) and it's true, they're not getting into porn-- they've been doing it for years. ( laughter ) remember their headline: "titanic goes down... if you know what i mean." ( laughter ) but if the "new york times" isn't your thing, you've still got the "washington post." after all, that paper's slogan is "democracy dies in darkness... but bangs with the lights on." ( laughter ) now, when it comes to covid the news should be rated "r," for "r we ever going to get out of this?" the delta variant has caused a huge covid spike, but not every region has been affected equally. cases are going up gradually in the northeast, midwest, and west, but the south will rise again. ( laughter ) the problem is-- you guessed it-- in the south, fewer people are
vaccinated, on average. you can read about it in the classic southern novel, "to kill a mockingbird by giving it medical advice from facebook." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheering ) cases are rising so quickly that mississippi's hospital system could fail in ten days. they're going to try to extend that time by counting one mississippi, two mississippi... ( laughter ) three mississippi... one mississippi medical center even opened a parking garage basement field hospital. not exactly where you want to get your healthcare. (as doctor) "i'm afraid we're going to have ove you, ms. johnson. this bed is for compact cars only." ( laughter )ans you to take this virus seriously? the kindergarten cop himself, former california governor arnold schwarzenegger. he had strong words for people
who won't wear masks or get vaccinated. >> i think people should know there is a virus here. it kills people. and the only way we prevent it is, we get vaccinated, we wear masks, we do social distancing, washing our hands all the time, and not just thinking about, "well, my freedom is being kind of disturbed here." no, screw your freedom, because with freedom comes obligations and responsibilities. you have the freedom to wear no mask, but you know something? you're a schmuck for not wearing a mask. >> stephen: wow! ( cheers and applause ) wow! wow! the terminator is so mad. but he's not going back in time to kill your mother. he doesn't have to. because by refusing the vaccine, you'll do it for him. speaking of california-- inoy, it's a sad story, isn't it?
buttebut it's a true one. speaking of california -- florida -- ( laughter ) -- which accounts for nearly one in five u.s. covid cases. also, one in five cases of spring break chlamydia. this huge surge doesn't seem to -- that's also a sad but strew story. ( laughter ) very tender audience tonight. very, very. i'll be gentle. this huge surge doesn't seem to concern florida governor ron desantis, seen here boasting the highest number he can count to. ( booing ) desantis has clashed repeatedly with president biden over covid safety protocols. last week, biden said that if desantis wasn't willing to do anything about covid, then he should get out of the way of people who will. that led to this exchange. >> do you have a response to governor desantis, who is using your words about "don't be in the way," and he's saying "i am in the way to block too much interference from the federal government." your response, mr. president? >> governor who? ( laughs ) >> desantis.
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: come on. come on, ha, ha. ha, ha, ha. but, come on, mr. president, show some respect. he should be addressed by his full name: governor who... doesn't care if his voters live or die. ( applause ) this week, florida, the sunshine state had to ask the biden administration to send hundreds of ventilators to florida. that must have been awkward considering last week, desantis said this to biden: >> i don't want to hear a blip about covid from you. >> stephen: well, governor, looks like it's your turn to eat blip. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah, blip for brains. ( laughter ) but desantis tried to play off his state's desperate request for ventilators. >> i'm not-- i didn't ask, i didn't know, i have not heard about that. so i would have to check to see whether that's true or not.
>> stephen: (as desantis) "i didn't ask. i haven't heard. i have to check if that's true or not. or if i'm even governor or not. i mean, does coronavirus even exist? maybe none of us are real. we're all just living in a giant's dream, and-- smoke bomb!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) speaking of the addled ramblings of a diseased brain: there's some news about mypillow c.e.o. mike lindell, seen here not buying crack. lindell is being sued by dominion voting systems for $1 billion for his lies about election fraud. but he's not giving up. this week, he held a live-streamed cyber symposium, for which he hired a cyber expert "red team" and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election
systems using intercepted "packet captures." packet captures, of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, "pillow cases." ( laughter ) well, the cyber results are in: lindell's team announced that they can't prove his claims that china hacked the election. when asked why, they said, "we were handed a turd." ( laughter ) ( applause ) and that turd lost the election. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) cnn called out lindell's cyber-nonsense, and that didn't sit too well with one attendee. >> ladies and gentleman, i'm not a computer guy. i don't know what most of this
stuff means. but i've been researching this election since november 3. but the cnns of the world, you guys need to start reporting this and stop fact-checking it. >> stephen: yes! stop "fact-checking," cnn! it's a waste of time! this is mike lindell. no matter how much you check, you won't find any facts! ( cheers and applause ) speaking of people being sued for a billion dollars: the ex-president's lawyer, rudy giuliani, seen here losing a staring contest to soup. ( laughter ) rudy has also been sued by dominion. for a billion dollars. now he's facing a mountain of legal fees. that mountain's in his apartment, right next to the mountain of empty franzia boxes. ( cheers and applause )
totally worth it. totally worth it. on top of that, rudy's law license in washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in new york due to "demonstrably false and misleading" statements about the election. which means he's cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop. ( laughter ) ( applause ) rudy is desperate for cash, so this week, he did what all public servants do when they need a second career: he joined cameo, the website where you can pay for a personal message from folks like lenny dykstra, and the guy who played hodor. which is perfect if you want to wish your nephew a very hodor hodor. how much does it cos g america's mayor to wish you a happy quinceanera? 275 bucks. that's a good deal. he's 25 bucks cheaper than snooki!
( laughter ) which makes sense. which makes total sense. she was on "the jersey shore." he looks like he washed up on the jersey shore. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) here's a taste. >> hello, bill, it's rudy giuliani, and i'm wishing you a happy birthday! i can never remember a censorship like this, where the hard drive, the election, they just cut off 80% of your ability to communicate. so, i am very worried for our country. at our age, we want to make sure we leave the country to your wonderful sons. your wonderful sons, jeff and david, we want to leave it as strong as we got it. and right now, it's headed in the wrong direction. >> stephen: what an uplifting celebration. ( laughter ) "i want to wish you a wonderful birthday, and many more. hopefully not spent in the clinton foundation's forced labor camps, where socialists
will make your wonderful sons jeff and david castrate mr. potato head." ( laughter ) he even shares his wisdom with incoming college kids. >> johnny, i understand you're going to begin your first year at new york university. first of all, congratulations. i went to n.y.u. law school, which i'm sure you'll see every day on your way to class. nobody can tell you in this point in your career what you're actually going to do. >> stephen: so true. sometimes you start out practicing law, and end up as a video birthday clown. ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight! ( cheers and applause ) my guest is jennifer hudson. but when we come back, "meanwhile!" ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ?
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everybody hearing it for the first time. >> jon: oh, my goodness! >> stephen: i tell you what party i want to go to tonight because jennifer jennifer is going to be here. ( cheers and applause ) i'm happy and grateful for any of our guests p who come out of here. we got a taste of jennifer's performance in rehearsal today, and they're going to have to bring in structural engineers into this building to make sure this dwelling is safe after this performance because she's going to rip the roof off this place. we might have to shut down. this might be the last show tonight. >> jon: right, we might have to close out after this. >> stephen: looking forward to it. you know, folks, i spent a lot of time over there precisely measuring the news' inseam, selecting the finest, most topical imported merino story wool, and then hand-stitching it with jokes to create the bespoke, double-breasted savile row current events suit that is my monologue. but sometimes, sometimes, folks, i like to gather up some used
burlap from behind the meat-packing plant, drape it over an abandoned mannequin at old man jenkins' burned-down dress factory, and sew it all together with shoestrings and a staple gun, to create for you ros is ( cheers and applause ) it's a park horse of entertainment! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: a mountain. presidents a mountain. >> stephen: of potential cases. "meanwhile!" -- scientists say a prehistoric lion cub discovered in siberia is the best preserved ice age animal ever found. sorry, clint eastwood. you're out of the top slot. ( laughter ) meanwhile, new york isn't the only state with a big gubernatorial sex scandal, because a utah resident is demanding governor spencer cox change his "obscene" last name, writing, "i do not know if you know this, but when people say
your surname it sounds like the word ( bleep ). it's obscene! us decent people here in utah will not stand for it." "when i hear your name, all i's al repression have tainted me-- oh, no! i said 'taint!' i'll see myself out. good day, sir!" ( cheers and applause ) "meanwhile!" -- oh, still the same story. i was sure i was moving on. ( laughter ) plus, whoever this is clearly doesn't know their own state's history of actual utah governors, like alfred cumming stephen s. harding george lemuel woods
norman h. bangerter, and lance r. sex-penis. ( laughter ) ( applause )anile -- ( laughter ) ( applause ) meanwhile, in coffee news, due to rising bean costs, starbucks wait, you're telling me that my $9 latte might become... expensive? ( laughter ) meanwhile, in food news, the fall pumpkin menu at dunkin' will launch earlier than ever before: featuring pumpkin-flavored muffins, apple cider donuts, and, of course, pumpkin spice lattes, all available starting august 18. because when you're walking around in 95-degree heat, you know what really hits the spot? spicy steamed milk. ( laughter ) meanwhile, a research vessel exploring more than a mile under
the surface of the atlantic ocean made a surprising discovery: a sponge that looked like spongebob squarepants, and right next to it, a pink sea star that resembled patrick, spongebob's best friend. here's a look. wow! ( applause ) that really looks like them! actually, i don't think we can show that on cbs. jim? thank you. ( laughter ) meanwhile, "most kittens see their owners as parents, a new study has found." okay? so everyone, stop complaining when i'm breastfeeding my cat. we're not weird. you're weird. we'll be right back with jennifer hudson. ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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>> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! ( cheers and applause ) welcome back to "the late show," everybody. folks, my guest tonight is an academy award-winning actress and two-time grammy award-winning singer you know from "dreamgirls" and "the color purple," and now she plays aretha franklin in her new film, "respect." ♪ ♪ ♪ just a little bit -- ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ ( clears throat ) ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪
( cheers and applause ) >> wow! hey, lovely to have you back. i feel the love and i'm so happy t to be back. >> stephen: yes, i'm clearly not the only one who's excited. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: last time you were here, we talked about aretha franklin, and you already had a relationship with her before working on this project and the fact she hand-picked you as the person she wanted to play her in her bio pic. while you had this relationship, was there anything you didn't know about aretha franklin in all your years of your friendship. >> i didn't know how close she and dr. king was and how she was so much a part of activism. >> stephen: i have a photo. the staple singers would open for him.
would she perform? >> yeah, she traveled with him during the movement. she was the voice of it. she shifted her platform and helped inspire the people during the movement at the time. this is powerful, you know. ( applause ) >> stephen: i understand you also recently had a chance to go to detroit to her childhood home and this is you with hence many of her family outside her home in detroit. >> yes. >> stephen: what was that like. >> that was my favorite part. so there is her granddaughter grace right there. this is her childhood home. they said they wanted me to take them back to her childhood home and her grand baby is saying ain't no way right there on the steps and grace and victory and jordan. that was a beautiful moment because we reminisce on our favorite moments of hearse and her songs. >> stephen: you and aretha spoke a lot in her last ten years of her life.
what was the last thing y'all talked about. >> she told me what she had eaten. >> stephen: would you mean sharing. >> it was as if she could taste it on the phone. i don't remember what meal it was. then she sang it to me on the call. it was by the isley brothers. she said, it's the isley brothers. i said, yes, ma'am, i know. and she knew my son was cooking. i said, you know that? she said, yes. >> stephen: how long was this before she died? >> maybe less than a week. i was one of the last people to hear from her. >> stephen: maybe one of the last people to hear her sing. >> hear her sing because she sang on the call. >> stephen: did you ever see her sing at the kennedy center honors when she sang for carol king when she sang for the kennedy center honors? >> yeah. >> stephen: i was hosting in the wings watching her.
>> that's a special moment to have. >> stephen: it was. it was only a few years ago, she comes out with a pocketbook and puts it on the piano, with a big fur. and she starts off soft and low. i said to the stage manager, i wish i had seen her when she still had the pipes. he looks at me and 45 seconds later i turned to him and said, i'm an idiot. sh stood up and absolutely burned the house to the ground. she had it to the very end. >> yes. >> stephen: extraordinary. you got to work with carol king herself, kennedy center honoree and the woman who wrote "you make me feel like a natural woman." you wrote a song for the movie. what was that like? >> a dream to work with carol king. jamie came and said, carole king could write the title track. she came in. it was over zoom because to have the pandemic. we had our conversations over
zoom. she spoke from her personal experience with aretha and so did i. it paralleled with the song. she said, i get to sing and write on it? what is that like to work with carole king because who better than have her put the bow and cherry on top in a tribute to aretha franklin. ( applause ) >> stephen: your connection back to aretha franklin actually goes back to before you even knew aretha franklin. the first time most people in america got to hear you sing was your audition for american idol. your breakout. let's show them. >> what are you going to sing? show your love for me by aretha franklin. >> stephen: go for it. ♪ it's an evil wind that blows
no good, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ it's a sad heart that won't love like i know it should ♪ ♪ oh how long you must be, it's a shame if you don't share some of your love with me ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> don't you play it! don't you do it! >> stephen: why did you choose that song? >> because i was going to a singing competition. you got to get the best if you're going to try to be in a competition so who better than to get aretha franklin. thai was at the wool worth as a kid. i saw that song and i said, i'm singing aretha franklin. and now i'm playing her.
( applause ) >> stephen: when you look back at that, do you want to give advice to that young woman about how she's singing that song? are you happy with that performance? >> you know, i was a little nervous, obviously. i would say, jennifer, don't back yourself up, too. because i sang the lead and backed myself up. ( singing and backup ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: you can do it all. you said you don't want john to play the song and you jumped right in. you will be performing the same venue august 2 is, i believe, because you're both doing the new york reopens concert, the home coming concert celebration. >> i'm such a fan. >> stephen: have you guys ever performed together before? >> we haven't performed together yet. >> jon: we got to do it. i'm waiting for that opportunity. i'm such a fan. >> stephen: let's try to figure out an opportunity in just a minute. but right now we've got to take a little bit of a commercial break.
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aretha played you learn to play piano with >> yes, it was the most unnatural part to me so i said i had to start with the piano first. >> stephen: did you have any instrumental training. >> early on in high school, and every one in my family played by ear but i never developed that part. i had the passion for singing not playing. now since playing her, it's given me a new passion to want to play more. >> stephen: one to have the challenging things about playing piano for you, i would imagine, is can i see your hands, please? >> well, i got to have my nails, now. >> stephen: they're not just long, they're really pointy. >> yeah. >> stephen: how do you play the piano. >> i was a cat, too, now. >> stephen: do you play with your middle knuckle? >> unfortunately the nails get caught in between the keys so if you hear a wrong note that's the nail and hit other notes.
so i'm sure you don't have that problem. >> stephen: didn't occur to you to take those off? >> my piano teacher is can you take off the nails? no. no. ( laughter ) >> stephen: did you sing with aretha at any point? >> you know what, i never got to sing with her but i got to tribute her i don't know how many times and got to open up for her right after i was eliminated from american idol. that was my very first time meeting her. >> stephen: you eliminated and immediately opened up for her in a concert. >> yeah, i think the show was still happening, and then she allowed me to open up for her in her show, so i got to see her sing and i got to open up the show, and that was my first time meeting her and give her flowers, of course. >> stephen: i want everyone to remember you oscar winner jennifer hudson came in seventh. >> seventh place, a proud of it! yes, sir! >> stephen: lucky seven. ( applause ) now, since you're playing aretha
franklin, you know aretha franklin, you have her voice in yo your head, but owe hear jennifer hudson singing, you know it's jennifer hudson. how does jennifer hudson be her true self singing aretha. what's the difference? how about this, in your mind what's the difference between your voices how aretha would do "natural woman" and how you would do it? >> okay i had a coach and he told me aretha sings from the top of her head. i said, where do i sing from? he said, your feet. >> stephen: i don't understand, not being a singer myself. >> i probably could show you better than i could tell you. can i show you? ( cheers and applause ) >> come on! >> stephen: let's go! aaahhh! and then, you going to help me down? can i play on your keys? oh, my god! remember i have these nails, okay? don't forget that part. and john is standing here
watching me. aretha played. i peck. let's be clear. and this is my singer right here. so to give you an example, i don't know how she played with heels on. jon, don't be watching me, okay. aretha was more. ♪ ♪ lookin' out on the morning rain ♪ and jennifer ever would sing ♪ ♪ i used to feel so uninspired ♪ ♪ ♪ and when i knew i had to face another day ♪ ♪ lord, it made me feel so tired ♪ ♪ before the day i met you ♪ ♪ life was so unkind ♪ ♪ but you're the key to my peace of mind ♪ ♪ you make me feel ♪ ♪ you make me feel ♪
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>> stephen: and now performing the title track from the new movie, "respect," jennifer hudson! >> hit me!yoan together. ♪ this is a celebration! ♪ what you want? baby, i got it ♪ what you need do you know i got it ♪ all i'm askin' is for a little respect ♪ when you come home just a little bit ♪ hey, baby just a little bit ♪ when you get home just a little bit ♪ mister just a little bit ♪ i ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone ♪ i ain't gonna do you wrong 'cause i don't wanna ♪ but all i'm askin' is for a little respect ♪ when you come home just a little bit ♪ yeah, baby just a little bit ♪ when you get home just a little bit ♪ yeah just a little bit ♪ i'm about to give you
all of my money ♪ and all i'm askin' in return, honey ♪ is to give me my propers when you get home ♪ just a little bit yeah, baby ♪ just a little bit yeah just a little bit ♪ ooh, your kisses sweeter than honey ♪ and guess what? so is my money ♪ all i want you to do for me is give it to me ♪ when you get home re, re, re, re ♪ yeah, baby
♪ when you get home, now just a little bit ♪ r-e-s-p-e-c-t find out what it means to me ♪ r-e-s-p-e-c-t take care, t.c.b. ♪ oh sock it to me, sock it to me ♪ sock it to me, sock it to me a little respect ♪ sock it to me, sock it to me sock it to me, sock it to me ♪ whoa, babe just a little bit ♪ just a little respect just a little bit ♪ i get tired just a little bit ♪ keep on tryin' just a little bit ♪ you're runnin' out of foolin' just a little bit ♪ and i ain't lyin' just a little bit ♪ when you come home ♪ or you might walk in respect, just a little bit ♪ and find out i'm gone just a little bit ♪ hey yeah ♪
♪ anybody want some respect ♪ ♪ do you want some respect ♪ ♪ can you say it ♪ ♪ yeah! ♪ ♪ just a little it ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ i got to have some respect ♪ ♪ hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ say, hey ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ just a little bit ♪ ♪ heyyyyyy! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: "respect" is in theaters tomorrow! jennifer hudson, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back.
that's-- >> stephen: i didn't expect a smoke bomb to be there, but there it is. smoke bomb! smoke-- ( laughter ) ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ the late late show oh, oh ♪ the late late show, ooh the late late show ♪ oh, oh it's the late late show ♪