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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  June 10, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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it's the weekend. >> and the warriors won, so everybody has this captioning sponsored by cbs >> more than half of americans who say that they can't name a single famous asian-american public figure, 58% actually. it's all according to a survey of more than 5,000 u.s. residents, and that is up more than 10 points from last year. ( sighs ) >> thanks, boys! here we go. again!
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>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. ( theme song plays ) and josh brolin takes the "colbert questionert."
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and now, liv t ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( audience chanting "stephen" ) >> stephen: and thank you for being here. hello, hello, hello, hello. please, sit down! ( cheers and applause ) hey, tom. what's going on? what's going on, y'all? happy thursday. yes, my friend, happy thursday. welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm your host, stephen colbert. now-- ( cheers and applause ) folks, i don't know about you,
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but i am past ready for our elected officials to take any action at all on guns, okay? ( cheers and applause ) and there are things-- there are some bedrock things that they could do. and there are only two stumbling blocks: elected. officials. because, despite the horrific shootings in uvalde, texas, the senate just skipped town for a two-week break without any action on guns. chuck schumer had planned on pushing through a vote to get everyone on the record, but yesterday he bailed, explaining there was no point in doing so, given that republican opposition was already "crystal clear." well, he's just following the old adage: "if at first, you don't succeed, bye-ee!" ( laughter ) the new idea-- the new idea being floated out there is that schumer and mitch mcconnell are going to appoint people to work on a bipartisan approach, but no one is all that optimistic. least of all, indiana republican senator mike braun, seen here
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saying, "you can take my finger when you pry it from my cold, dead hand." ( laughter ) braun expressed his doubt using this unfortunate metaphor: "i don't know what the silver bullet is." ( audience groans ) "yeah, i'm just shooting from the hip here-- none of these ideas are on target, and while we got the problem in the crosshairs, we just can't pull the trigger. but when we do, you'll be blown away. why are you crying?" potential senators-- ( laughter and applause ) mm-mmm, mm-mmm. mm-mmm, no. potential senators, people who running for the senate, are also struggling with what to do or say, especially georgia senate candidate herschel walker who was asked about solving gun violence and made these noises: >> what we need to do is look into how we can stop those things. you know, they talk about doing a disinformation. what about getting a department that can look at young men that's looking at women that's
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looking at their social media. what about doing that? >> stephen: yeah. what about doing that? ( laughter ) it's high time to create the federal bureau of "looking at young men who are looking at women who are looking at social media." ( cheers and applause ) but mostly, conservatives believe that the best defense is a stupid defense, like this lady on the fox news: >> i would like to see a national push toward-- instead of parents buying their kids all these tools and toys and games, invest in the classroom, to make it safer. i mean, they have blankets that you can put up on the wall that are colorful and beautiful, but they're ballistic blankets. >> stephen: yes, instead of toys or games, parents should buy ballistic blankets. they're so beautiful, the kids won't even realize we live in hell. ( laughter )
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while other thoughtless people think you have to rethink the entire school layout, like texas senator and man proclaiming he'll do his own... ( audience booing ) oh, okay, i agree with booing, but i can't say the joke when you're booing. like texas senator and man proclaiming he'll do his own prostate exam, thank you very much, ted cruz. ( laughter and applause ) boo, now boo! ( audience booing ) >> stephen: thank you, that felt good. instead of access to guns, cruz wants to focus on a different kind of access: >> look, the killer entered here the same way the killer entered in santa fe-- through a back door. an unlocked back door. i sat down at roundtables with the families from santa fe. we talked about what we need to do to harden schools, including not having unlocked back doors; including not having unlocked doors to classroom. having one door that goes in and
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out of the school. having armed police officers at that one door. >> stephen: so, he just wants sensible door control. ( laughter ) okay, okay. now look, increasing security-- "hardening" schools could be a good idea. but what about all the other places where shootings happen, like movie theaters, or churches, or grocery stores, or everywhere else in america? if we're not going to get rid of the guns, we're going to have to harden everywhere. or you know what might be easier is just-- you know, we already have our heads in the sand about this. why don't we just keep going and burrow under the ground and then we just close up the hole behind us, and then nobody can get in there, and there's no way anyone will get shot. unless-- wait a second, unless the people we're in there with brought guns. so maybe we should probably each go into our individual, underground safety hole. and i know what some of you are thinking, you're saying, "steve, once we close up the hole the hole behind us, how will our friends above-ground find us?" well, that's easy. we'll put up some sort of marker, something permanent,
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like stone. and then we'll chisel our name on the stone and maybe the date we were born, and the date we went down in the hole. and then, then, we can finally rest in peace. ( cheers and applause ) makes sense, right? makes sense. it will work. just give it a try, just give it a shot, is what i'm saying. now when gun tragedies happen, the g.o.p. likes to blame violence in the media. and they're right about one thing-- there is a lot of senseless gun play on tv. specifically in the more than a 100 g.o.p. midterm ads this year alone which feature guns. they're brandishing deadly weapons on tv, and no one stops them! meanwhile-- and this is true-- on tuesday's show, they made me blur a picture of a plant, because it kind of looked like a wiener! and it wasn't even loaded! ( laughter )
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now some of the campaign ads are your run-of-the-mill bang-bang- in a field, like this one from senate hopeful dr. oz. >> my father taught me how to handle my first gun. i taught my son oliver how to do the same. i've been shooting and hunting my whole life. so, when people say i won't support guns? ( cocks gun ) they're dead wrong. pull! ( gunfire ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: that's exactly-- ( audience reacts ) that's exactly the vibe i want from my doctor. "all right, let's ta l your x-rays. pull! ( shoots x-ray ) ooh, you got a hole in your left atrium!" ( laughter ) now, some ads are even weirder like this one from alabama governor kay ivey. >> the second amendment is sacred, so i passed concealed carry for alabamians to arm themselves without government interference. that way, you don't know who's got what in their purse. lipstick. an iphone. or maybe, a little smith & wesson .38.
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( laughter ) >> stephen: that's a crazy ad. i hope she doesn't get the contents of her purse mixed up. ( cocks gun ) ( phone rings ) ( as kay ivey ) hello, kay ivey speaking. hello? i can't hear you. whoops, i'm sorry, i had the safety on. kay ivey speaking. ( laughter and applause ) now guns aren't just being pushed by the quaking elderly. there's also this word salad: >> babies. borders. bullets. values we cherish. trump protected them as president. and so will jake bequette as arkansas' next senator. pro-gun, pro-wall, pro-life. babies, borders, and bullets. >> stephen: oh, man! jake's freaking out on the "b" section of the g.o.p. dictionary! "babies! borders! bullets! bacon! big rigs! big-breasted bibles bumpin' before baby b'jesus!" ( cheers and applause ) buh-buh! uh, wubbydubby.
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there's some more disturbing revelations about former president donny crappleseed. ( laughter ) the january 6 committee has been getting testimony from former chief of staff and college buddy who still does his terrible austin powers impression, mark meadows. according to a leak from the committee, meadows was with the former president during the insurrection, and a witness has testified that after the rioters started chanting "hang mike pence!", meadows told colleagues that the president said something to the effect of, "maybe pence should be hanged." he was into the idea of killing his own vicesiremis me of when . bush said this: >> read my lips. stab dan quayle. >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tonight. my guest is hugh dancy. and i'll be giving him the colbert questionert to one mr. josh brolin. but when we come back, "meanwhile!"! stick around. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! give it up for louis cato and stay human, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) delightful, delightful. louis, we have a couple of wonderful guests on tonight. hugh dancy from the new "downton abbey" movie is going to be here tonight. ( applause ) and also mr. josh brolin, my old buddy from my rodeo days-- josh brolin, i was a rodeo clown for a while-- and josh is going to be here to take the colbert questionert tonight. >> that's right, yeah. >> stephen: i think it's one of the finer-- ( applause ) i think it's one of the finer colbert questionerts we've even done. now, you also have some special guests tonight. tell everybody who's sitting in with the band tonight, please. >> oh, my gosh, we do. again joining us, mr. tivon pennicott.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: good to see you. did you have fun last night? it was good for us, and who's this young lady on the guitar right here. >> oh, my gosh, joining us from david byrne's "american utopia," we've got angie swan on guitar. >> stephen: hi, angie. ( cheers and applause ) folks, you know, if you watch the show, you know i spend most of my time right over there surveying the news market for the day's biggest stories, then carefully selecting the finest, most topical buffalo news hide which i then soak using natural spring and lime water-- only during the colder months-- and scrape it until it is evenly translucent and supple. then, using the traditional push-knife method, i delicately make more than 3,000 cuts to create the emotive and powerful figurine which i decorate with gradations and contrast, employing the shanxi region five-color system. then i carefully connect the figurine's joints with cotton thread so they can be operated freely, and fire up a paper lantern behind a fine guangzhou silk screen, and, backed by a
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suona horn, a yueqin and banhu fiddle, i operate no less than five of these figurines at once, becoming the living embodiment of the 1,000-hand guangxian, to mount for you the epic and moving tong dynasty pi-ying shadow play that is my nightly monologue. but sometimes, folks-- sometimes-- it's craftsmanship. it goes like that right there. sometimes, folks, i am pecked awake by a dirty seagull on the intra-coastal waterway, while still lying on the back of a manatee who rescued me from some cape fr, and who then dumps me on an abandoned wharf where i slip their dirty sock off a severed foot i fished out of a storm drain, and slap googly eyes on it made from two mentos i pried out of the mouth of a mangy coyote. then i fashion a kazoo out of a pocket comb i stole from a fisherman and the wax paper from his meatball sub, to honk out a dirge while yammering out a tone poem about the demons infesting my beard in the unbalanced manic
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sock puppet show of news that is my segment: >> "meanwhile!" ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's a palliative care, on some levels, it's a palliative care, meanwhile. meanwhile-- ( laughter ) --a new company is "turning urine into beer in singapore." ( audience groans ) seems like a waste, considering that beer's going to be urine again real fast. the beer is called "newbrew," and "is made out of a liquid which is recycled from sewage." fun fact: after people drink the sewage beer, their urine is bottled as natty light. ( laughter and applause ) i don't know. i don't know. maybe it's good, on a hot day, i don't know. meanwhile, "kris jenner is urging kendall jenner to freeze her eggs." damn straight! we as a nation have to maintain america's strategic reserve of kardashians. "oh, oh," you're saying, "stop
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being such an alarmist, steve. we can make do with our present stockpile." oh, really? you'll be singing a different tune when australia is hemsworthing us from one end while sweden skaarsgaards us from the other! ( laughter and applause ) though, that doesn't sound too bad, really. that doesn't sound too bad. meanwhile, "oreo and ritz have teamed up for a cookie-cracker collab." ( audience groans ) it's salty. it's sweet. it's peanut butter. it's whatever the white stuff is. ( laughter ) i want to say, sweet crisco caulk? ( laughter and applause ) also a fun phrase to yell when you're angry-- "sweet crisco caulk, what are you doing?!" ( laughter ) this, this right here, ladiesanb
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also want to destroy my heart. there has to be a better way!" ( laughter ) now tragically, and i hope you're sitting down, these aren't available for sale. the company will "give 1,000 lucky fans the free cookie- cracker packs." fortunately, i have the recipe to make these at home. all you need is one pack of peanut butter ritz crackers, one pack of oreos, and undiagnosed depression. meanwhile... ( laughter and applause ) meanwhile, in japan, a "man spent $15k on a high-tech dog costume to fulfill his lifelong dream," which is so realistic it "took 40 days and multiple revisions to create." and, he nailed it! that is a guy in a dog suit! every detail has been thought of, right down to how it uses a ping pong paddle just like a real dog does!
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reminds me of that classic episode of "lassie:" "what's that, girl? timmy's stuck in a well? and you're a grown man in a $15,000 dog costume? you're really killing it with that ping pong ball. do i want to what? no, i'm not into that scene. i don't care where you cut the hole." meanwhile... ( laughter and applause ) i got dark. that got dark really fast. meanwhile, in hot dog filler news, "a crashed truck spewed 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler across a pennsylvania highway." there it is. all of that goes in your hotdogs. and i mean all of it. the pink slurry, the bags, the boxes, the truck, the gravel. they just drive that semi right onto the assembly line and the driver jumps out, hopefully. ooh, you know what i bet would be great to dip in that? an oreo ritz. mmm, mmm. mmm, mmm. ( applause )
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the perfect balance of salty, sweet, and hog anus. ( laughter ) that is another-- that's another fun thing to yell-- "salty sweet hog anus, what were you thinking?" ( laughter ) >> oh, god. >> stephen: meanwhile, in "breast-feeding-mothers- rescuing-pet-geese-from-eagle- attacks" news, a "breast-feeding mother rescued her pet goose from an eagle attack." the footage went viral today of an eagle attacking this pet goose in a driveway and trying to drag it off. when players three and four enter the game: mom and baby-at- the-breast chasing off an apex predator! this all-- ( cheers and applause ) good for her! still in her skivvies! ( cheers and applause ) this all took place in british columbia, canada. and you can tell it's in canada if you listen closely to the
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unique, regional eagle's cry: >> soory, soory, soory! tim horton's! >> stephen: when we come back, i give the colbert questionert to mr. josh brolin. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) are you tired of washing dishes? well flip the way you clean'em. introducing dawn platinum ez-squeeze. it's a new, upside-down bottle... with no cap. you just grab and squeeze. platinum's upgraded, more powerful formula breaks down and removes grease 4 times faster. nice! no flip, no mess. platinum is also a go-to grease cleaner for your sink, your countertops, and to pre-treat stains on laundry. faster. easier. new dawn platinum ez-squeeze.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back!
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ladies and gentlemen-- ( cheers and applause ) folks, one of the best things about doing this show is getting to talk to all sorts of fascinating people. and occasionally-- when a guest is brave enough-- i get to do more than just interview them. i get to delve into the depths of their psyche and their soul with what historians will call the colbert questionert. recently, josh brolin, star of "dune," "outer range," and "avengers: endgame," stopped by "the late show," and thanos himself had the swinging stones, of infinity, to take the questionert. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: josh, you know, it's always fun to have you on. it's always a treat. >> it's always fun to be on. >> stephen: i know it's going to be a good interview, and an honest one, because you shoot right from the hip. >> yeah, i've learned from the best. >> stephen: you're welcome. ( laughter ) but even the fact that you and i have known each other for years,
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we used to ride together. we used to barrel ride together out west. >> we did. >> stephen: and the rodeo circuit. >> yeah. ( laughter ) >> stephen: but even-- i don't get to know you as well as i'd like when you're out here only ten or 15 minutes at a time. >> so, come home with me. >> stephen: and well, that's-- i would love to, but before we do that, i've got a little bit of a test i'd like to give you, or a quiz shall we say. >> all right. >> stephen: because the people up in the "late show" labs-- >> i'm willing. >> stephen: --come up with 15 questions called the colbert questionert and it is scientifically designed to plumb the depths of my guest, okay. >> is this like an "actors studio" thing? >> stephen: yes very much, but much classier. >> much classier. ( laughter ) >> stephen: so, are you ready to take the colbert questionert? >> i am, yeah. let me take a sip. >> stephen: okay, here we go. ( cheers and applause ) have you reviewed any of these questions? >> i have not. >> stephen: so this is all fresh, here we go. >> no, it's not all fresh. it's not the truth. i saw jen lawrence do it and i saw one question, and i turned it off. >> stephen: okay, good. >> so somewhere in there is that question. >> stephen: yeah. because you don't want to steal jen lawrence's question. >> no, and i don't want to be dishonest because i learned from the best.
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>> stephen: question number one. >> yeah, go ahead. >> stephen: josh brolin, what is the best sandwich? >> uh, when i lived in new york, a reuben from lenny's. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that was a good answer. >> yeah. >> stephen: that was a good answer. what is the one thing you own that you should really throw out? thatust poed in my head. n't sathat. >> sen: pe. say its ihuman g. you can whisper it in my ear and i'll decide whether you can tell anybody. come on, just write it down. >> no. >> stephen: just write it down. no? >> this questionert is a shame questionert. >> stephen: okay, what's the second thing-- the one thing you own. first of all-- you own a person- - that you own that you should really throw out. >> that person can never leave. no, let's see, one thing that i own. come on, josh! one thing i own that i should absolutely throw out. >> stephen: in the attic, in the barn, something like, ah, i should really do something with that and you never will so you should get rid of it.
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>> a surfboard that i was gifted that i can't be on anymore because my back hurts. >> stephen: done. what is the scariest animal? >> a wolf because i grew up with wolves. my mom ran a wildlife way station. we had to clean the cages from seven years old on, totally irresponsible of my mother. ( laughter ) >> stephen: wow. and the wolves, did they ever give you that look? >> i love wolves but i just-- >> stephen: they're scary. >> well, yeah, man. if you look away too long you become prey. you become like that cartoon where you start steaming-- >> stephen: you look like a big turkey drumstick. >> like a chicken, like that, yeah. >> stephen: you know, the wolves-- >> if you stare at them too much they see it as an affront and then they want to attack you. >> stephen: so, it's a fine line. >>here's no reason a seven- year-old should be in a wolf cage. ( laughter ) period. >> stephen: i read that dogs developed an extra muscle right here that wolves don't have-- >> i have that muscle. >> stephen: that makes them do this, that makes them give the puppy dog eye thing. >> oh, really? oh, that's it. >> stephen: and that's why we-- >> that's the submissive thing. >> stephen: yes, it's an evolutionary-- >> you do have that kind of thing. >> stephen: thanks. >> a little bit. ( laughter ) >> stephen: apples or oranges?
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>> um, apples because my daughters love them right now. >> stephen: all right. have you ever asked someone for their autograph? >> yes. >> stephen: who? >> ray bradbury. >> stephen: we're going to do this right now? okay. >> i answered the question. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: do this thing? >> yeah, yeah, let's do that. >> stephen: okay, so this here, this here-- >> i thought you were going to continue to ask questions. >> stephen: i'll keep asking questions, here we go. all right, ray bradbury, that is an excellent-- you a fan of ray bradbury's? >> i am, i love ray bradbury. >> stephen: do you have a favorite story of his? >> a story? >> stephen: no, or a series of stories? >> he had a very red face when i met him, i don't know what that was about but he had a very red face. >> stephen: on your mark-- wait, we haven't started yet. >> okay, sorry. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i know you're a cheater, that's one thing i just-- ( laughter ) hold on, hold on, man. >> no, no, no, there's nothing there. by the way, i broke my collarbone at one point, i broke my scapula at one point. i had a torn labrums so i got
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surgery on that, and i have a torn labrum right now. so, if you don't win-- the only way you would ever win is if i'm asleep or dead. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'll just say, while you were feeding wolves and riding horses, i was playing dungeons and dragons. ( cheers and applause ) so let's lower our expectations, josh brolin. josh brolin-- >> are we ready? >> stephen: josh brolin, what do you think happens when we die? one, two, three, go. >> go. oh, god, you've gotten so much stronger. look at-- why is it shaking so much? ( laughter ) ( audience chanting "stephen" ) >> stephen: oh! ( cheers and applause ) are you happy? are you happy? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when we come back, i confess to josh brolin that i've never seen one of his most famous films, and he does not take it well. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. ladies and gentlemen, and now, the dramatic conclusion of josh brolin's colbert questionert. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: what do you think happens when we die, josh brolin? >> oh, is that one of the questions? >> stephen: yeah. no, i wasn't just trying to
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psych you out. ( laughter ) >> well, i thought you were-- ( shouting from the audience ) >> what was that? >> stephen: huh? ( shouting from the audience ) >> "goonies" never say die. that was the answer. ( applause ) >> stephen: "goonies" never say die. >> yeah. >> stephen: i've heard about this "goonies" movie. >> yeah. >> stephen: i've never seen it. >> oh, come on, dude. >> stephen: no, i've never seen "goonies." >> ever? >> stephen: i'm a little too old. >> you're the one? ( laughter ) >> stephen: no, i'm just a little too old, like people like-- >> there is no too old for "goonies." >> stephen: really? >> there's generation after generation-- ( cheers and applause ) that's so sad. >> stephen: i'm going to watch it and i'm going to call you up after i watch it. >> you have to, literally. >> stephen: do you play the goonie? >> i'll give you-- i'll give you a number. >> stephen: what? >> not my number, but i'll give you a number. >> stephen: a number? yeah. ( laughter ) >> i'll give you somebody's number. >> stephen: five. >> yeah, five. there you go, call five. >> stephen: favorite action movie. >> you've never seen "goonies?" >> stephen: i've never seen "goonies." i've never seen "goonies," i've never seen "shawshank." >> did you see "jaws?" >> stephen: yeah, i saw "jaws." i'm alive.
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>> well, you say that, but "shawshank" is one of those things and "goonies" is absolutely one of the-- you can't go, yeah, i saw "jaws" and say, no, i haven't seen "goonies." is it good? ( laughter ) you can't be that guy. >> stephen: have you ever seen any of the "fast and the furious" franchise? >> why? ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: come on! i'm just saying there was only one "goonies," there's going to befaer>> stephen: come on! >> whatever. >> stephen: why aren't you in the "fast & furious?" you go out there and fight "the rock" or tyrese-- >> ( drawling ) because i'm doing that western thang instead. ( laughter ) next question. >> stephen: yeah. i think you're being mean to me. >> i'm not. you say that every time i come on here. >> stephen: well, every time you're on, i think you're mean to me. >> you know why? because i beat you arm wrestling and then you're just traveling in a shame spiral-- >> stephen: i wasn't, i didn't want to arm wrestle you. i told you, i didn't want to arm wrestle you. i told you i needed to hit the preacher curl machine. >> watch-- we've going to arm wrestle again. >> stephen: what?
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>> just, just do it. just do it. okay, go. oh, my god ( bleep ). >> stephen: no, no. i'm not-- >> no, no, do it, do it. go, go! oh, god! aaahhh! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: no, no-- >> yeah, but it does something. >> stephen: take that out. take that out. >> it does something. >> stephen: i will not take your pity. i will not take your pity. >> this is when acting is life. ( laughter ) >> stephen: favorite action movie. >> oh, god, you just said "fast and the furious." "lethal weapon." >> stephen: quality. >> quality, first one. >> stephen: quality, yeah. >> first one-- dick donner, directed "the goonies." >> stephen: what, huh? >> anyway. >> stephen: window or aisle? >> oh, aisle. i want an escape, even though there's nowhere to go. >> stephen: right. well, i want to be able to go to the bathroom, i don't want to have to go, excuse me-- >> i don't like all that stuff, yeah. >> stephen: favorite smell. >> favorite smell? um-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: this is yours, by the way. >> i feel dirty when i talk to you. in all seriousness, children's scalps. >> stephen: yeah, that's good.
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>> it's not weird, man. >> stephen: baby, baby-- >> it's a good thing. >> stephen: there's a certain point at which they lose it. but, like, one to three. >> i have, well that's the thing. i have a one-year-old and a three-year-old now-- >> stephen: oh, my god. >> so i'm consumed by that. >> stephen: there you go. >> stephen: least favorite sml? m-(s rasprry (laughter ) and i don't like not knowing who it's coming from. >> stephen: i didn't know you played the bugle, what? >> i don't like not knowing where it's coming from. like, i want to know that person and i want to give them a look, and i want to like-- do you know what i mean? dude-- like on of those. >> stephen: even go, are you okay? >> even if it's a girl you say-- dude. dude, dude, come on. you have to. >> stephen: that's not gentlemanly. >> girls don't do that. >> stephen: no, they don't. they glow. ( laughter ) most used app on your phone, sir. >> most used, god... umm, probably instagram. i don't like saying that but it's true. >> stephen: its' fine. no shame there. >> well, a little bit. >> stephen: cats or dogs? >> um, i like them both, but probably dogs.
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>> stephen: okay. you only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life? what is it? >> "destroyer" by kiss. ( laughter ) no, led zeppelin. >> stephen: which one? there are so many. >> i know, there's a lot. but like, "stairway to heaven" is great but then it's overplayed right now. "free bird." ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: live. >> live. >> stephen: live. >> live. >> stephen: live. >> live, "free bird." >> stephen: okay, what number am i thinking of? >> it's long, too. >> stephen: what? >> it's 12 minutes. >> stephen: sure. >> yeah. >> stephen: yeah. >> anyway, sorry. >> stephen: what number am i thinking of? >> of all the numbers? ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this-- it's an integer. it's a whole number. >> no-- thank you for defining integer. >> stephen: well, i'm not doing fractions. i'm not trying to ( bleep ) you over here. it's not pi, how about that? >> 39. >> stephen: what? >> 39. >> stephen: no. ( laughter ) >> what number were you thinking of?
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>> stephen: no way am i going to tell you. >> really? ( laughter ) >> stephen: describe the rest of your life in five words. >> in five words? i-am-out-of-here-now. ( laughter and applause ) i-am-outta-here-now. ( laughter and applause ) >> stephen: josh brolin, congratulations, you are known! josh brolin everybody! "out of range," on amazon now! we'll be right back! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) people will say 'that catch' was a total fluke. but you'll know, it was the fabulous top you got for an amazing price at marshalls. anything can happen with a top like that. ♪ i like to vöost it, vöost it♪
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ladies and gentlemen, you know my guest tonight from "david copperfield," "hannibal," and "the path." he's currently starring in the movie, "downton abbey: a new era." please welcome back to "the late show," hugh dancy, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, thanks for coming back. nice to see you. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: not only are you coming back to the show, you're coming back from coming back because you were supposed to be on a few weeks ago and i got covid and unfortunately, we had to cancel on you. so sorry, please accept my apology.
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>> i did not take it personally. >> stephen: okay, good. >> yeah. >> stephen: all right, i didn't fake it just to get out of talking to you. but okay, two-plus years now, did you escape without ever getting it? >> no. >> stephen: you got it? >> a couple of times. >> stephen: wow. >> yeah, all the latest versions, i like to keep up. >> stephen: you have to keep up, exactly. what did you do to like-- people took up some unusual hobby. a lot of cooking kind of stuff. >> i did a lot of cooking. >> stephen: anything unusual you sort of dipped into? >> we ended up inadvertently in a "ulysses" book group. >> stephen: james joyce's-- >> james joyce's "ulysses." >> stephen: wow. >> yeah. >> stephen: that's not the easiest read. >> you're right. >> stephen: because they don't believe you read it. because everyone says they read "ulysses" and no one actually reads it. >> which is why we did it because it seemed-- not, not to make the pandemic about this. but what better time? >> stephen: i know one of the other things you did during this time was to act in the new "downton abbey" movie, "downton abbey: a new era." ( cheers and applause )
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and here's the abbey right there, for those who have forgotten, there's where you spent your time. it must have been nice to go to a pre-pandemic world. >> yes. >> stephen: it's 1928 england, right? >> yes. >> stephen: they don't have penicillin yet, but at least they don't have covid. >> they've come out of the first world war but it's not 2020 or 2021, or 2022, so yeah, in that respect, it's great. and that was my workplace. >> stephen: again, one more time, put this up here. this place is actually-- >> that's my dressing room right there. >> ste: >>usright ther >>tephen: wow. is it-- highclere ca >> stephen: what we thin as down ahighercah. >> ste: 'st like alide?when we see the scenes, ae those sets or is that actually the inside of this place? >> no, that's, i think, where they live. i mean, they being the family that has lived in the house. >> stephen: they still live there? >> they live there, yeah. >> stephen: would you want to live there? >> sure. ( laughter ) >> stephen: it seems a little drafty, doesn't it? >> yeah, but you know, i'll take it. >> stephen: wow, i would like the staff. >> yes, well, the staff that i
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met were basically there to stop me touching anything. >> stephen: like, to keep you from stealing a book or something? >> like books, for example. >> stephen: really? >> actually, the main room is lined with these incredible books and as discussed, i do like books and you'd go to take them out and the whole rest of the cast, who've been there now for a decade-- "no, no, no, you cannot take the books out." and there's an old retainer whose job it is to come go-- ( laughter ) --and smack your hand away. >> stephen: we have a clip here. you play a director, right? >> a movie director, >> stephen: a movie director, okay. >> silent movie, 1928. >> stephen: okay, and why is he shooting at downton abbey? >> well, you saw the picture. >> stephen: okay. he's using it as a set? >> yes. >> stephen: just like you people using it as a set. >> it's very meta, yeah. >> stephen: it sure is. so, what's happening in this particular scene? >> in this scene, i'm trying to make the movie. some of the family, as you'll see, are still around and basically getting in the way. >> stephen: okay. jim. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> will you let him kiss you? it feels as if you might-- wait, wait, who's he? cut, cut, cut!
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>> i can't work like this! >> oh, it's just molesley. he's a great favorite here. you don't mind him watching, do you? >> i don't mind him watching, i just don't want him in it. >> well spotted. >> so now you just do it all again? >> exactly. >> oh. >> i'd rather earn my living down a mine. ( laughter and applause ) >> stephen: what is it-- i've got to imagine. ( applause ) i've got to imagine it's a bit of a joy to perform with maggie smith. >> it is, yes. she's everything-- she's as advertised. >> stephen: now, not the only icon you spent time with because this i'm also a little jealous of-- there's a lot of jealousy here. is you're also starring in season 21 of "law and order" with the always delightful sam waterston, right there. >> yes. ( applause ) >> stephen: and i have been lucky enough to talk to sam and do bits with sam.
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do you ever have this problem that i do, that sometimes i just get lost in those eyebrows? >> yes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i want to curl up there like a forest animal under a fern. >> i think he has that problem. ( laughter ) he's amazing, you know, he's a fantastic man. >> stephen: you play an american in this. >> i do. >> stephen: and spoiler alert, you're a brit. i'm just curious, you grew up in-- where? >> in britain. >> stephen: in britain-- where? >> in the midlands. >> stephen: in the midlands? >> which is what we call the middle, for some reason. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you grew up in the midriff of great britain, around the navel. >> mm-hmm. ( laughter ) >> stephen: is the accent you're giving me now the accent around where you grew up? >> no. >> stephen: no. is this received pronunciation? >> yes, what we call-- i don't know who received it or from whom. >> stephen: yes. >> that's what we call it. >> stephen: you are to receive this pronunciation. >> yes. >> stephen: what's it like where you grew up? >> ( indicating accent ) it's more like that, i suppose. >> stephen: oh! >> yeah. >> stephen: that's nice. i like that accent. >> yeah, you do? >> stephen: i do!
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no really, it's a charming accent. doing an american accent though, you have to do this. i'm just curious, i know there are some words that trip up some brits when they're doing an american accent. >> yeah. >> stephen: and i'm wondering what trips you up? what's your danger spot? >> the two that i've encountered were ca-- carnegie hall. >> stephen: carnegie hall. >> i assumed it was "car-nee- gee." >> stephen: no, it's carnegie hall. we say it's car-nay-gee, but we say carnegie hall. >> don't-- >> stephen: say it, carnegie hall >> carnegie hall. ( stammers ) i can't do it. >> stephen: one more time. ( applause ) >> no. >> stephen: you fooled them. >> don't listen to them. >> carnegie hall and hovering. you say-- >> stephen: hovering. >> that's what a helicopter does. >> stephen: it hovers. >> it hoovers. >> stephen: it hovers. it doesn't-- ( pronounces )-- it hovers. ( laughter ) it's hovering, it's hovering. >> right, it's just a question of a vowel that you identify in the middle of the word. >> stephen: uh, uh, uh-- >> it's going so well. >> stephen: huh-- huh. >> huh, huh, huh. >> stephen: hovering. >> hovering. we can agree on the "vering."
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>> stephen: some english people have trouble saying this one. how do you say that? >> ( laughs ) squirrel. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's fine but how would you say that as an american, give me the american accent of that. >> oh, no. >> stephen: come on. >> sqwrl. sqwrl. >> stephen: that's right! >> yeah? >> stephen: one syllable, sqwrl. >> sqwrl, yeah. >> stephen: sqwrl, sqwrl. >> right. ( applause ) >> stephen: oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. i went to carnegie hall to see this hovering squirrel. ( laughter ) hugh, it was lovely to see you. thank you so much for being here. "downton abbey: a new era" is in theaters now. it's hugh dancy, everybody. we'll be right back. ( band playing )
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and now most admired alum! get up there. this is so embarrassing. there's no way it's me. you know her.... you love her.... ruh roh. what are you doing here?
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