tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS June 17, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
captioning sponsored by cbs >> the house committee investigating the january 6 attack will hold a prime-time session tonight. >> eleven months of investigation, close to 1,000 interviews, and more than 14,000 pages of documents ulminate in tonight's presentation. >> tonight the january 6 committee raises the current-- (drum roll) >> it's the house select committee's january 6 hearing! (cheers and applause) ("the muppet show" opening theme) (gong!) ♪ it's time for bennie thompson ♪ it's time to out the traitors from january 6 ♪ it's time to shine a spotlight on those behind the coup ♪ broadcast on every channel except of course fox news
(gong!) >> announcer: it's "the late show live with stephen colbert!" tonight: just give me a treason! and jon batiste takes the colbert questionert. plus, stephen welcomes live simu liu. featuring live jon batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause)
(band playing) >> stephen: right there! oh! now we can get started. please, have a seat. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: happy thursday. hello, hello, hello, hello. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: hello! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: wooo! thank you very much. please, please have a seat, everybody, thank you so much. hello, jon! >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: hello, friends. welcome. welcome one and all. ladies and gentlemen, i welcome
you all to "the late show." i am your host stephen colbert. (cheers and applause) you hear that jon? did you hear that? >> jon: yeah, i hear that. >> stephen: that can only mean one thing, we are live, ladies and gentlemen! (cheers and applause) coming to you live, coast to coast, all around the globe, after episode one of this summer's most compelling drama, the january 6 committee hearings. it's like "stranger things." we met the monster years ago, and we're pretty sure the russians are involved. (laughter) and like the stars of "stranger things," i have noticeably aged. (laughter) now, the monster in question is former president "mango unchained." (laughter) prior to these hearing, republicans tried to claim that tonight was going to with a nothing burger. they were wrong. it was a juicy double cheeseburger, stuffed with burger between two buns made of
burger, smothered in a zesty burger sauce. (cheers and applause) there was so much burger that-- they jammed-- there's five pounds of burger in a three-pound bag! there was so much burger that they replaced the capitol dome with a sesame seed bun. it was such a juicy burger that fox news knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite. which is why-- and this is true-- for the first hour of his show opposite the hearings, tucker carlson took no commercial breaks. do you understand what that means? fox news is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.s (laughter) but i'm not surprised! (cheers and applause) crazy! >> jon: that's crazy. >> stephen: it's crazy. >> jon: come on, man. >> stephen: but i'm really not surprised, that's the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound. second rule? present your testicles to the tanning station.
(laughter) also based on a true story. now, we've heard many of these details before, but it made my heart well with gratitude to see the committee weave them together in a compelling case that january 6 was not a spontaneous gathering of vape-fueled neo-knuckleheads that got out of control. it was, in fact, an attack premeditated by the president of the united states to prevent the peaceful transfer of power for the first time in our nation's history. and first up, committee chairman and man saying, "who's got two thumbs and one is my head" bennie thompson. chairman thompson kicked off the hearing with a little of his bio. > i am from a part of the country where people justify the actions of slavery, the ku klux klan, and lynching. >> stephen: so, you were born on twitter? (laughter)
thompson spoke about what united the bipartisan members of the committee, as well as americans everywhere. >> east coast, west coast, and the heartland. all of us have one thing in common. >> stephen: "if you fry it, we will eat it." (laughter and applause) >> jon: yeah, yeah. close to my heart. yeah. (piano riff) >> stephen: thompson played damning footage of one of the former president's toadiest of toadies, former attorney general bill barr. >> i made it clear, i did not agree with the idea of saying the election was stolen, and told the president was bull >> stephen: watch your language, toad-man! you kiss your princess with that mouth? then thompson reminded us just how serious the capitol riot was. >> as we provide answers to the american people about january 6th, it's important that we
remember exactly what took place. that this was no tourist visit to the capitol. >> stephen: yeah, this was no tourist visit. there were no children. in fact, i'm pretty sure it was all dads who lost custody. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: then-- ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: i mean, come on. you have to do better than that. >> stephen: then it was time for the ranking republican, wyoming representative liz cheney, seen here shocked as you are that she's the hero of this story. (laughter) cheney promised these hearings will bring the receipts: >> you will see evidence of what motivated this violence. >> stephen: wow, they have footage of the former president's dad not hugging him? (laughter) then-- ( laughter ) you got to imagine. you got to imagine that's part of it. (applause) then cheney hit the former
president where it hurts him: right in the ivanka. because they rolled in footage of the first daughter's reaction in her testimony to barr calling her father's charges of election fraud total b.s. >> i respect attorney general barr, so i accepted what he was saying. >> stephen: that must have been a bittersweet moment for the president. she finally screwed him. (laughter and applause) (piano riff) you okay? you okay? you okay? deep breathes, jon, deep breathes. keep breathing. keep breathing. it's going to be a long summer. cheney also showed a clip of general mark milley explaining that vice president pence was the only leader who made any attempt to call for defense of the capitol that day. >> there were two or three calls
with vice president pence. he was very animated. >> stephen: do you know how crazy things have got to be for mike pence to get very animated? (laughter and applause) normally, the wildest he gets is wearing khakis with only one pleat. ( laughter ) then, the committee played some never-before-seen footage of the insurrection. and if you need any more proof that the violence was motivated by the former president, here's one of the rioters quoting him directly: >> mike pence didn't have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our country and our constitution, giving states a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. u.s. demands the truth! >> stephen: they were reading his tweets as they stormed the capitol!
the only way he could be directing them more is if he had sent them over ikea instructions for the gallows. (cheers and applause) "haengmikepens." "haengmikepens." now, here's the deal-- here's the thing, my friends, here's the thing. that's not far from the truth, as cheney explained. >> and aware of the rioters chants to hang mike pence, the president responded with this sentiment, "maybe our supporters have the right idea." mike pence, "deserves it." >> stephen: wow. that's a hell of a reward for pence's four years of boot-licking loyalty. it's like you're retiring and your boss gives you a gold watch with the inscription, "you 'ticked' me off. 'time' to meet jesus!" (laughter) then we got to hear from a couple of witnesses, starting with officer caroline edwards, one of the first capitol police
injured. officer edwards spoke strongly about her views on that day. >> i was an american, standing face to face with other americans, asking myself how many times... many, many times-- how we had gotten here? >> stephen: well, it's kind of complicated... but it all started at the white house correspondents' dinner in 2011, when a black president made fun of a man with a very big ego and avery small penis. (laughter and applause) and it just kind of moved from there. the committee also heard from documentarian and men's warehouse spokesman saying, "you're going to be haunted by the way i look," nick quested. in the run up to january 6, quested was embedded with the proud boys, and his crew captured horrifying footage like this: >> freedoooooooooommmmm! (laughter)
>> stephen: mel gibson's career has really has gone downhill. (laughter) (cheers and applause) quested laid out insider details of the proud boys' activities, including what they did just before the riot. >> we went for lunch. we went for tacos. (laughter) >> stephen: may i remind you, january 6th was a wednesday. tearing up the constitution is one thing, but they violated the sanctity of taco tuesday! then-- (cheers and applause) we had tacos, tacos. then officer edwards described the proud boys rallying cry. >> they came up chanting "(bleep) antifa." >> stephen: that might be the most shocking testimony of the evening: the proud boys can spell?
and soon after that, soon after that, the night was over. night one came to a close. it was after two hours of documentary evidence and testimony, we learned that this insurrectionist conspiracy was, like everything else associated with that last administration, exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. the next episode drops on monday morning and to quote the former president: "be there. we'll be wild." (cheers and applause) we've got a great show for you tonight, my guest is star of marvel's "shang-chi," simu liu. and, i'll be giving the "colbert questionert" to our very own mr. jon batiste. but when we come back, "meanwhile!" (cheers and applause) (band playing) join us. for your most brilliant smile, crest has you covered.
(laughter) (children's laughter) we need to do this more often! (laughter) your shipping manager left to “find themself.” leaving you lost. you need to hire. i need indeed. indeed you do. indeed instant match instantly delivers quality candidates matching your job description. visit indeed.com/hire and there it is. the book club to end all book clubs. all in a beautiful backyard setup you created for an amazing price at marshalls. anything can happen with a patio like that. alice loves the scent of gain so much, she wished there was a way to make it last longer. say hello to your fairy godmother alice and long lasting gain scent beads. try spring daydream, part of our irresistible scent collection.
you know her.... you love her.... ruh roh. what are you doing here? it's anna gomez! who? our first gigillionaire! with at&t fiber, anna's got the fastest internet with hyper-gig speeds. i didn't know you went to this school. we have a lot in common. live like a gigillionaire with at&t fiber. now with speeds up to 5-gigs. limited availability. (band playing) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: give it up for jon batiste and stay human everybody! right over there! jon, jon, my friend! thank you, everybody, please have a seat! jon, we're live, so we have to keep cooking but i can't go by
without saying congratulations on being one of the "times" 100. >> jon: yes, indeed. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i didn't even know. >> jon: it's a great, great honor. >> stephen: i didn't even know. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: that's fantastic. that's well deserved. >> jon: wonderful. >> stephen: folks, as you know, i spend most of my right time over there doing the standy-jokey, but sometimes i come over here for the city-ha-ha's in my segment: ♪ >> "meanwhile!" (cheers and applause) >> stephen: there it is. it doesn't need an introduction. "meanwhile!" needs no introduction. meanwhile, in ready-to-assemble infant news, "ikea norway is offering to help norwegians with baby names after a covid-19 boom," using their "name bank" with more than 800 listings, drawn from the names ikea has given to its furniture." ( laughter ) oh, good-- get ready for swedish babies with names like "moooörbylaaaånga" and and what a sweet story to tell
them. "honey, you were named after a veneer table that your dad's college roommate stained with bong water." (laughter) i just pray to god american furniture companies never offer the same service. (southern accent) "this is my son, laz-y-boy, and those girls over there are my twins, raymour and flanigan. (laughter) "meanwhile!"-- a new e.u. deal will force iphones to use usb-c chargers by 2024. damn straight! it's about time someone stood up to all those apple-bastards making me get a special plug just for their stuff, and that's after taking away my headphone jack so i've got to buy a $30 dongle to plug in my headphones into what was a perfectly fine charging port! (cheers and applause) so, now... so now-- i'm so angry! so now if i want to charge it
while listening to it, i've got to drop another $250 on air pods. at last, we the people haven spoken, and they are saying, "what's that, there's a green one? yes, i will wait in line." (laughter and applause) so pretty. meanwhile, they're news feom england where the sport of cheese rolling has returned after the pandemic, which people chase a seven-pound double gloucester cheese wheel down a steep hill, in which they describe as "an extreme sporting event. (laughter) really, england? really? you want to extreme? come to america, where after catching that cheese, we beer batter and deep fry it, dip it in ranch, and then attempt to live past 30. that's be good, i could go-- >> jon: deep fried, baby. >> stephen: damn. meanwhile, a rescue observation took place today in pennsylvania after two people got stuck in a tank of chocolate...
at an m&m factory. the terrifying scene was discovered after their distraught shift supervisor found them, the orange m&m. no one was hurt but apparently the chocolate was about waist-high and rescuers we told that the two people cannot get out on their own. can't or won't? (laughter) "leave us alone!" we specifically asked them not to call 911! now drop in some damn peanuts and close the lid." (laughter) "meanwhile!," in arizona, like florida, but it's a dry crazy-- (cheers and applause) a restaurant-- we got to go! a restaurant in scottsdale has new "walls made of himalayan rock salt," so "guests are encouraged to lick the walls while dining." (audience groans) but don't worry, restaurant
staff said they regularly wiped the walls down." (audience groans) >> stephen: that is in no way reassuming. no, i'm not wearing a condom but don't worry, i regularly wipe it down." when we come back, jon batiste takes the "colbert questionert!" stick around, y'all! we're live! (cheers and applause) (band playing) ♪ ♪ with a little help from cvs... ...you can support your nutrition, sleep, immune system, energy...even skin. and before you know it, healthier can look a lot like...you. ♪ ♪ cvs. healthier happens together. if you haven't tried dawn powerwash dish spray, what are you waiting for? ♪ ♪ it's dawn's fastest and easiest way to clean everyday dishes. you just spray, wipe and rinse.
it cleans five times faster to actually break down grease on contact. so spray your dishes clean... with dawn powerwash dish spray. announcer: type 2 diabetes? discover the power of 3 in the ozempic® tri-zone. in my ozempic® tri-zone, i lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. announcer: ozempic® provides powerful a1c reduction. in studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known heart disease. and you may lose weight. adults lost up to 14 pounds. ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. stop ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis.
gallbladder problems may occur. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. join the millions already taking ozempic®. ask your health care provider about the ozempic® tri-zone. announcer: you may pay as little as $25 for a 3-month prescription. ♪ we could walk forever ♪ ( ♪♪ ) ♪ walking on ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪ ♪ some ♪ ♪ may say ♪ ♪ i'm wishing my days away ♪ ♪ no way ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪ [music throughout: "o fortuna"] ♪ no♪way ♪
when it comes to cybersecurity, the biggest threats don't always strike the biggest targets. so help safeguard your small business with comcast business securityedge™ it's advanced security that continuously scans for threats and helps protect every connected device. the choice is clear. get unbeatable business solutions from the most innovative company. so you can be ready for what's next. get started with a great deal on internet and voice for just $49.99 a month for 24 months with a 2 -year price guarantee. call today.
(band playing) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much! ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, it is such-- you know, i think i've mentioned this before on the show-- i don't take this job for granted. it's-- it's a wonderful occupation. i get to be with all these beautiful people every night. (cheers and applause) i get to-- i get to talk to incredible guests over here. i get to share the stage with jon and this amazing band over here every night. (cheers and applause) >> jon: oh, my gosh! yeah! >> stephen: and we get to talk a little bit, jon, we get to talk a little bit. but never enough. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: you want to come on over here and talk some more? (cheers and applause) come on over here, jon. (cheers and applause) (band playing) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> stephen: jon, we've known each other for a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit... seven, eight years now? >> jon: yes. >> stephen: i was looking at some photos. >> jon: yes! >> stephen: of the two of us over this last break week that we had together. >> jon: yes! >> stephen: back in 2014, when you had... much less hair. >> jon: yes! >> stephen: and i had much more chin. and-- (laughter) and here's the thing, is that we-- we got to know each other that year before everyone came back on the show and we have become dear friends during that time-- >> jon: absolutely. >> stephen: --in that time period. you, you-- (applause) you've come to my house. >> jon: yes, yes. we've had some good-- good meals and good conversations. >> stephen: many thanksgivings together, with you and your parents, your beautiful wife, suleika. and you've come down to stay at our house in south carolina. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: and, as much as i know you and as much as i love you, there's always more to know about someone. >> jon: that's true. >> stephen: and, and there's just never enough time right here on the stage to do it. so what i'd like to do tonight is something called the "colbert questionert," jon. >> jon: oh, snap! (cheers and applause)
oh, yeah! >> stephen: are you ready? >> jon: i'm ready. >> stephen: i don't mean to put you on the spot. >> jon: i, i'm ready, yeah. >> stephen: you ready? okay. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ question number one. jon batiste, what is the best sandwich? >> jon: that's a controversial question. (laughter) >> stephen: that's what we do. i mean, we don't-- we're not afraid of these questions on this show. >> jon: i know! you-- you get up in there. i'm over here, i'm just getting used to that. (laughter) i have to say, it's a hot dog. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: okay. wait, wait a second here. you understand the-- the-- the landmine you just set off-- (laughter) --in the sandwich sphere. because not only, it's a-- it's a delightful snack meal treat-- >> jon: incredible. multi-purpose. >> stephen: but not everyone accepts it as a sandwich. >> jon: i know, but if you look at it and you see the bread... (laughter) and then you see the meat, in between the bread? >> stephen: yep.
>> jon: that looked like a sandwich to me. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, i mean-- >> jon: the question is, what makes it not a sandwich? >> stephen: the fact that the two pieces of bread do not separate. >> jon: you can eat a hot dog with the bread separate, i assure you. (laughter and applause) >> stephen: dangerous. that's dangerous. >> jon: no, sometimes it happens-- >> stephen: that's a sausage hoagie. it turns into a sausage hoagie, if the bread is separated. or a grinder, for those of you in the philadelphia area. >> jon: see, i'm going to have to go with the late, great justice ruth bader ginsburg on this one. >> stephen: who, as you know-- >> jon: who said that the hot dog is a sandwich. >> stephen: that's true. (cheers and applause) (laughter) what's one thing you own that you should really throw out? >> jon: oh, i got a bunch of shoes i should throw-- way too many sneakers. >> stephen: okay. what's the scariest animal? >> jon: a roach.
(laughter and applause) >> stephen: yeah, sneaky. >>jon: oh, man. oh, my god! >> stephen: and you're from-- you're from the new orleans area, and they grow them like cattle down there! >> jon: oh, yeah! >> stephen: size of your thumb. they have to have cowboys come in and rope them. >> jon: you got to wrangle them suckers, and they fly! >> stephen: yeah! especially when you open the cabinet. (makes flutter noise) in the face. >> jon: oh, my gosh. >> stephen: yeah. palmetto bugs. (jon groans) >> stephen: apples or oranges, my friend? >> jon: oh, wow. (laughter) >> stephen: don't say hot dogs. (laughter) >> jon: oranges. >> stephen: oranges. all right, all right. (applause) have you ever asked someone for their autograph? >> jon: i did ask-- michelle obama for her autograph on her book. >> stephen: that's an-- that's an autograph. (cheers and applause) >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: did you get it? >> jon: yes. i never--
just on a piece of paper. i haven't done-- >> stephen: that's good enough. that'll do. that'll do. what do you think happens when we die? >> jon: well, i think when we-- no one ever really dies. i think our body passes away and our soul meets the creator of all things. and what we've done, the love we've given in this life, all the things that we've done, that lives on forever. so that's why it's important what we do here, right now, because once we go, the next round, still will be here for the next generation. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: what's your favorite action movie? >> jon: oh, my goodness. "forrest gump." (laughter) "forrest gump." "forrest gump." >> stephen: that-- >> jon: you don't like "forrest gump?" >> stephen: that is to action movie as hot dog is to sandwich. (laughter) (rim shot)
i accept, and i move on. >> jon: he was running! >> stephen: i understand he was running. (laughter) >> jon: i'm telling you! >> stephen: you have a very low standard for action. >> jon: it was action! >> stephen: sure, sure. "air bud" is an action movie, in that case. (laughter) okay. window or aisle? >> jon: i like the aisle. >> stephen: because? >> jon: because if you're on the aisle, you can get out quicker. if you got to go to the bathroom, and-- >> stephen: sure. >> jon: and, you know, you get a little bit of extra space, especially if in-- in-- in the-- in the back of the plane. that's your only respite. you got that aisle to stick your leg out, because nobody coming back there. >> stephen: sure. >> jon: that's a life hack, right there. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's a jon batiste life hack. (laughter and applause) >> jon: you see? i like that. >> stephen: that's your podcast, isn't it? what's your favorite smell? >> jon: see, i've watched these so much. i have-- i had-- i didn't think of this one. petrichor.
>> stephen: oh, that's the-- when the rain comes, in the heat of the summer. that smell, when the-- that smell of the rain in the summertime? >> jon: yes. absolutely. >> stephen: petrichor. >> jon: yeah, that's beautiful. >> stephen: wow, that's a beautiful word, too. >> jon: petri-- it's greek. "petris" is "stone," and "chor" is something like the fluid in the veins of the gods. >> stephen: yeah, the ichor. >> jon: the ichor. >> stephen: the demons of the gods. >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: the blood of the stone blood of the gods. >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: that's nice. least favorite smell? >> jon: ooh, a lot of them. (laughter) least favorite smell is-- fear. (laughter) >> stephen: sting said the same thing. >> jon: he did. >> stephen: you and sting have a lot in common. or one thing in common. >> jon: one thing. (laughter) i-- i-- >> stephen: what is the most used app on your phone? >> jon: probably between the-- (laughs) the bible app and instagram.
(laughter) (cheers and applause) i check both every day. >> stephen: you only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. what is it? >> jon: ooh. whoooo! that's the hardest question in the whole thing. >> stephen: yeah, it is, isn't it? >> jon: one song? >> stephen: mm-hmm. >> jon: "gymnopodie, number one." >> stephen: erik satie? >> jon: yes. >> stephen: wow. >> jon: that's one you could listen to forever. or, "lotus blossom," by billy strayhorn. or "reflections in d," by duke ellington. (laughter) it's got to be something that, when you're listening to it, you can hear new things, but it's forever, so you're going to hear it all. so it has to be something that is-- is healing you. it's regenerating you.
or it's giving you something that's like a-- a daily bread, every time you hear it. so that's what i would pick. one of those, kind of-- "air on the g string." >> stephen: sure. >> jon: whoo! this is a hard one. i could go on forever. (laughter) so-- i know we got to keep it-- (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we should put out an album of just the answers you did in this. >> jon: you know what i mean? >> stephen: okay, what number am i thinking of? (laughter) >> jon: 412. >> stephen: no. (laughter and applause) describe the rest of your life in five words. >> jon: oh.
"trying to change the world." (cheers and applause) >> stephen: jon batiste. >> jon: hey! >> stephen: congratulations. you are known. >> jon: i'm known! >> stephen: and i-- which people don't hear-- i am so glad that, i'm so glad you came over, we had a moment to do this. because these people don't know, but jon is going to be taking the rest of the summer off. because he's going to take a little personal time, and as well you should, for all the best reasons. >> jon: yes, yes, indeed. >> stephen: and i'm so happy that you're doing that. it's the right thing to do. and we will miss you. but louis and the band are going to kill it every night, just like they did when you were out. (cheers and applause) "the color purple." (cheers and applause) >> jon: yeah! thank you, thank you! >> stephen: and-- >> jon: where you at! >> stephen: all right. and, you hit those apps every day. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: you have your daily bread, and we'll see you in september. >> jon: absolutely. >> stephen: i love you, jon. >> stephen: love you, love you. >> stephen: we'll be right back with simu liu!
are but what about today? i want my magical future now. ♪♪ i have places to go. ♪♪ rocks to climb. ♪♪ sights to see. and flights to catch... i can't wait for what tomorrow will bring, but in the meantime, let's enjoy the ride... ♪♪ six days of the week, when you steal a fry from your friend they can say, "hey, i paid for those!" but on free fries friday, they can't. free fries friday at mcdonald's. ba da ba ba ba
making friends again, billy? i like to keep my enemies close. guys, excuse me. i didn't quite get that. i'm hard of hearing. ♪♪ oh hey, don't forget about the tense music too. would you say tense? i'd say suspenseful. aren't they the same thing? can we move on guys, please? alexa, turn on the subtitles. and dim the lights. ok, dimming the lights. lemons, lemons, lemons. the world is so full of lemons. when you become an expedia member, you can instantly start saving on your travels. so you can go and see all those lemons, for less. ♪ ♪ new starbucks baya energy drink. in three refreshingly fruity flavors. with 160mg of caffeine naturally found in coffee fruit. it's energy that's good.
still live, we're still live right there. folks, my guest tonight is an actor you know from "kim's convenience" and marvel's "shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings," please welcome to "the late show," simu liu! (band playing) (cheers and applause) >> hi! >> stephen: there you go. >> oh, my god. >> stephen: nice to meet you. thanks for being here, especially for a live show. >> it is late, stephen. it is very, very late, but i do it for you. >> stephen: it's what we do for a living! but, hey, here's something that doesn't normally happen with a guest, you actually went to a rangers game before you came here. >> i did. >> stephen: let's go to the sports report with my colleague simu liu.
simu liu, how was the action on the ice tonight? >> well, you're getting a real expert report on the hockey, like, really detailed. >> stephen: because you're canadian. >> yeah! and you would think that means something. but, okay, so here's what happened, all right? first third-- first period, really not a lot. second period, you know, rangers scored. everybody was super happy, timothee chalamet was in my suite. we all grabbed each other and hugged, we embraced. that was wonderful. >> stephen: wow. he's there most nights-- >> yeah, right, right. no, he's great. but then tampa scored, and then tampa scored again with two minutes to go, and it was the worst thing because i'm usually a basketball fan, right, and in basketball you can kind of see the plays form. you see the ball going up and you can kind of-- you can predict as it goes through the hoop. this game felt like it was the scrum and then you see the puck in the back of the net and then it was just over. it felt like a punch in the gut. it was awful. i never watched a hockey game in my life and it was the worst feeling. (laughter) i feel like i lost a child. >> stephen: you might have lost your canadian passport for saying that.
>> probably, probably. i'm no longer welcome there. >> stephen: and there's the thing, you... and this is so lovely. you were named one of "times" 100 most influential people of the world this year-- (cheers and applause) along with-- this year's list includes oprah, president zelenskyy and our own jon batiste over there. (cheers and applause) the gala was last night. was it fun? who did you really want to meet? because, there are amazing people there every time. >> stephen, i mean, i really, stephen, i really appreciated meeting people that i did not know before, right, people like chris smalls who helped organize the very first union at amazon people like indu malhortra-- (applause) --yes, who's a councilor on the supreme court of india. but i have to admit, one of my favorite things was because we were planning all the bits to play with the different guests. so we had this bit where i would give bubble tea to bill gates.
and we had no idea how bill would react, because bill is a billionaire and, you know, billionaires are very particular. we don't know how they like their steak, we don't know if they chew their own food, or if they employee a team of minimum-wage workers to do it for them. you know, we have no idea, but bill was a great sport. he drank the bubble tea. have you ever had bubble tea before? >> stephen: i've never had bubble tea. i hear great things. >> well, shoot, i should have brought some. next time. next time. he did really enjoy it and gave me a little shout-out on his instagram account today, and seems like we have a new fan of bubble tea in mr. bill gates. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, you-- i found out something today about you, i loved you in "shang-chi," it was you're a wonderful actor, but that wasn't the career path originally. i found out today that, soon, this was-- you tweeted this in
april-- "soon" it will be april 12th, the day i got laid off from deloitte. i owe my life to being let go from a career i hated. accounting not for me." you were an accountant? (cheers and applause) >> there's for some reason a lot of love for accountants in this audience tonight, i have no idea why. no, i'm kidding, i'm kidding. >> stephen: did you deserve to be fired? >> well, who deserves to be fired? i mean, you know-- >> stephen: people who are terrible at their job. >> so, i mean, did-- was i late for work every day? i mean, maybe... (laughter) were my spreadsheets riddled with errors? perhaps. (laughter) did i skip work to be on the set of "pacific rim" as an extra without telling any of my bosses? most definitely. (laughter) but deserve to be fired, stephen? i don't know if anybody deserves that kind of humiliation and embarrassment. it was really awful.
i mean, i had the guy from security behind me, he escorted me through the whole office and it was like a big open concept floor. the whole entire office watched me, my sad little bag collecting my laptop and things. >> stephen: wow. >> it was awful. >> stephen: did they give you "you're fired" badge when they push you out of the building? >> they give you a taxi chit because they say we don't want you near the train tracks on the way home. >> stephen: we will pay you to get as far away from us as far as possible. we'll, we have take a quick break but we'll be right back with more with the author of "we were dreamers," simu liu, and we'll talk about it when we come back. (cheers and applause) (band playing) of this... with armor alt protects you from a lot... of that. armor all. minimum effort. maximum protection. super emma just about sleeps in her cape.
but when we realized she was battling sensitive skin, we switched to tide hygenic clean free. it's gentle on her skin and out-cleans our old free detergent. tide hygenic clean free. hypoallergenic and safe for sensitive skin. panera chefs have crafted a masterpiece... tide hygenic clean free. succulent, seared chicken... a secret aioli... clean ingredients... in a buttery brioche roll. made fresh, to leave you... speechless. panera's new chef's chicken sandwiches. $0 delivery fee for a limited time. ♪
remix your routine. ♪ make it a hidden valley ranch night. ♪ new densify from crest pro-health. you know, like bones, your teeth lose density over time. really? here, use this. crest densify rebuilds tooth density to extend the life of teeth. good thing i married a dentist. mhm! crest. the #1 toothpaste brand in america.
fantastic things start to happen when you step aboard a princess cruise. doors open up for you. your favorite drinks start finding you. and everything seems to be... just how you like it. how does it all happen? it's no secret. it's our job to discover what makes you feel special. yes, you! and you. and you, too. making sure you feel taken care of. that's what a princess cruise is all about. california residents sail from san francisco for just $59 per day.
(cheers and applause) (band playing) >> stephen: hey, everybody! we are back with the author of the new book, "new york times" bestseller "we were dreamers: an immigrant superhero origin story." tell me about why did you want to write this book? >> well, stephen, i just don't want my 15 minutes to end, you know. i made one movie, and i just want to keep that going. no, uh, i feel like i have a very important story to tell-- and, by the way, it's not a story about me or my life in hollywood or being a movie star or whatever have you.
you know, i think, in me, i have this incredible story about my family, this multi-generational tale that starts in china in the '60s and '70s and really ends in the moment that i book this role of a lifetime. but it's this story of a family that really wasn't afraid to look to the horizon and to basically put it all on the line and pursue their dreams. >> stephen: now, your grandparents came over first to canada. >> my parents came over first. >> stephen: your parents came over first, oh,. did you live with your grandparents? >> i lived with my grandparents until i was about four and a half, in harbin, in china. and, one day, a stranger shows up at the door and he's, like, "i'm your dad, come with me, we're going to canada." and usually you would get arrested for doing that, but he actually was my dad, and then he took me away from everything i knew and brought me to a whole different place. >> stephen: one thing that's common across a lot of cultures is immigrant parents put a lot of pressure on their children to live a steady lifestyle. were they happy about the accounting career?
>> they were ecstatic, yeah. no, i worked for this company called deloitte, which if you're familiar, is one of the top-- >> stephen: giant, yeah, international. >> yeah, yeah multi-national corporation, kind of a brand name power. so i think my parents were like great, our job is done. all the money and time we spent on this kid is finally worth it. >> stephen: and how did you tell them that you got fired? >> i didn't. (laughter) ( applause ) umm, at least not right away. i mean, i definitely took some time, the requisite amount of time to just be like, okay, i think i want to try something i actually like to do now. and i somehow find my way on to craigslist, and just trying to find my was back to a movie set because i loved it so much the first time, and i kind of just caught the bug. >> stephen: did they accept the acting thing? how did they feel about the acting thing? >> yeah, well, it took-- that was a tough conversation.
and i really was going to keep it from them for as long as i could, but i booked this national commercial that was on the verge of airing across canada, and, so on the eve of it, i, like, knew that they were going to see me on tv the next day. i kind of sat them down and i said, this is my life. and, no, it did not go over well. no, no, no. (laughter) >> stephen: now, come on, "time" 100, "new york times" bestseller. you're another ken, or something like that, in the "barbie" movie? >> yeah. >> stephen: it's very vague what you're going to be, but you did have to wax your legs. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: and what else? (cheering) >> like a dolphin, baby! (laughter) >> stephen: you know, i know what those dolls look like. was it just the legs? (laughter) >> it's not that kind of a movie, stephen. >> stephen: all right, i'm just trying to sell tickets. >> but, you know, fair enough, fair enough. they gave me the choice very early on. they were, like, first of all,
dolls don't have leg hair, you're going to have to get rid of this, and you can either shave it off or you can wax it off, and i chose to have it waxed off. >> stephen: good man. >> because i want to be an ally. i want to be an ally to everybody out there who has waxed their legs on the regular. i want to know, and i want you to know that i feel your pain now. (cheers and applause) i get it. >> stephen: simu, thank you so much for being here! "we were dreamers: an immigrant superhero origin story" is available now! it's simu liu, everybody! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) (band playing)
this is the story of an airline. but wait! it's about more than just planes. it's a sci-fi story about a piece of trash that becomes sustainable aviation fuel. it's a rescue story... about saving thousands of connecting flights. it's a romance, an adventure, a musical- but most of all, it's a people story. starring more than 80,000 hero characters on a mission to do good in the air and beyond. because this... this is the story of an airline when good leads the way. ♪ girl you know it's been way too long ♪ ♪ i got to get back in my zone ♪ ♪ ooh wee ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ alright ♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ come on ♪
♪ 3... 2... 1... ♪ ♪ you know i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ [ music stops ] ♪ hey ladies, don't we look good? ♪ ♪ we came to have a good time baby ♪ ♪ said i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ ♪ me and all of my girls gonna tear it up ♪ and now most admired alum! get up there. this is so embarrassing. there's no way it's me. you know her.... you love her.... ruh roh. what are you doing here? it's anna gomez!
why is l'oréal hyaluronic acid the #1 serum? so effective, with our highest concentration of hyaluronic acid pure hyaluronic acid attracts water to help visibly replump lines and restore volume revitalift hyaluronic acid serum from l'oréal paris >> stephen: that's it for "the live late show," everybody! james corden is next! good night, y'all! ( cheers and applause ) ( calangpo bcb ione dia access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ are you ready all to have some fun ♪ on the show tonight, don't you worry baby ♪ where you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's "the late late show!" ♪ ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from-- u