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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  September 5, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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that's starting tomorrow morning at 5:00. thanks for wa. the late show captioning sponsored by cbs >> the "wall street journal" reports, an informant tipped off federal investigators to the possibility there were more classified documents at the former president's florida home. >> according to "rolling stone," donald trump is worried he may have a rat, or multiple rats, in his midst. he's wondering if his phones are tapped, or even if his buddies could be wearing a wire. >> we here as mar-a-lago were recently shut down in an f.b.i. raid due to an inside informant possibly wearing a wire. but mar-a-lago is open again for business. we've just had to make a few changes, to make sure the f.b.i. is not listening in. play tennis! shoot golf! all without the confinement of clothes, or an f.b.i. listening device.
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take a floppy jog with rudy giuliani! play horseshoes with mitch mcconnell! or, fish, while proving you're loyal enough to keep a secret. so, leave your worries-- and your wires-- behind, and join mar-a-lago! >> we will no longer tolerate-- >> --clothing. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight: the art of the squeal! and, stephen joins the cast of "severance." plus, stephen welcomes: white house press secretary karine jean-pierre and, tatiana maslany featuring jon batiste and "stay human" with special guest joe walsh. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) (♪ theme song playing ♪) >> stephen: how are ya?
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the hardest working person in television, thank you. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! ( audience chanting stephen ) hey, everybody! ( audience chanting stephen ) that's nice. welcome, one and all. ( cheers and applause ) everybody. in here, out there, all around the world, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks-- ( cheers and applause ) beautiful sound. beautiful sound. folks, we continue to learn more details about the f.b.i.'s search of mar-a-lago earlier this week. it does not look good for former president velveeta voldemort. ( laughter ) the former president-- the former president and his minions have tried to play the victim card here, saying, "why, he's just a simple country club owner, and that
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this whole investigation is a nothing-burger." but it's beginning to look like the investigation is a "something-royale with cheese." ( laughter ) now, i'm not going to get my hopes up. i've been hurt too many times. i still have to get a dermatologist to remove my robert mueller tramp stamp. ( laughter ) it's going to sting! it's going to sting! ( cheers and applause ) still, there's some juicy tidbits, you see. the latest? we now know that an inside informer told the f.b.i. what documents the former president was hiding, and where. so, there was a mole? who could it be... oh my god! ( laughter ) oh, my-- oh, my lord! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) we've also learned-- we've also learned that the raid was deliberately timed to occur when the former president was
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away. so, they had to either wait till he was out of town, or for the return of the mcrib. ( laughter ) "big mango-- big mango is headed for lunch. we've got ten hours. go, go, go, go!" now that we know someone in the inner circle has flipped, the former president is reportedly freaking out, and asking his allies, "who's wearing a wire?" to which don jr. said, "wired? ( sniffs ) i'm not wired! you're wired, okay! who wants to start a band? no, an app! an app about a band!" ( laughter ) sources say the ex-president is worried he may have a rat, or multiple rats, in his midst. and that's just at the mar-a- lago waffle bar. ( laughter ) i think it's worth pointing out: good people don't worry their friends are ratting them out over all the good stuff that they're doing. "myeah, myeah, i don't want none of you mugs squealing that i volunteer at the soup kitchen, see? myeah!
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any rat outs me, you'll be sleepin'... here at the homeless shelter. enjoy the warm bed. myeah, myeah." ( laughter ) since the f.b.i. search on monday, the former president's response has changed a little bit. it started out as "nothing to see here," and quickly became, "anything you see was put here by the f.b.i.!" ( laughter ) and all the former president's hench-folk have gobbled up the bait. >> quite honestly, i'm concerned that they may have planted >> do i know that the boxes of material they took from mar-a-lago, that they won't put things in those boxes, to entrap him? >> how do you know there weren't listening devices or evidence >> stephyou know when you accuse someone of planting ngitheingto finsomething. befo b, i must infyo ipect that you have planted a fifth of tequila in my stomach. ( laughter ) so, you're about to be in big trouble, mister." ( laughter )
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so, how did the f.b.i. agents supposedly bring in 12 boxes of evidence that they then took out? ainsley earhardt has a very stupid theory: >> and his lawyers said they brought in backpacks. what was in those backpacks? >> stephen: good point, ainsley! everyone knows, you get to search the cops before they search you. that's why i always tell t.s.a., "hold on, mister! first, i'm going to knuckle-bump your junk! come here!" ( laughter ) rat-a-tat-tat! bah-bah-bah! tickity-tackity, tickity- tackity, tickity-tackity, tickity-tackity, tickity- tackity, tickity-tackity. ding-ding-ding, tickity-tackity. ting-ting-ting-ting. ting-ting-ting-ting. ( laughter and applause ) got to work, speed bag. phew! ( laughter ) it's called the sweet science. the ex-president's goons would have you believe that the justice department gave no warning before they rappelled into the poolside cabanas. au contraire! we just learned that the ex-president received a subpoena this spring for the documents,
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but he didn't hand them all over, so, months later, the justice department had to act, because the documents were so sensitive in nature, and related to national security. sounds like he's got some high-level stuff in his basement. could be anything! missile locations. lists of c.i.a. sources. the alien technology that keeps paul rudd from aging. anything! ( laughter ) now, in order to conduct the search, the f.b.i. had to present a search warrant, and in order to take anything away, they had to give the ex-prez an itemized receipt of everything they took. he could release both of those documents, and the mystery and intrigue might be cleared up. but evidently, he doesn't want that, because as long as we don't know anything, he's free to say anything. so, this afternoon, attorney general and elf on the shelf who has seen too much... ( laughter ) merrick garland, announced that he has asked the court to release the ex-president's search warrant and the receipt. ( cheers and applause ) the ex-president-- yeah! ( cheers and applause )
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release! release it! he wants to release it all. the ex-president has till tomorrow to file in court to stop that from happening, which would mark the first time he's ever declined the offer of a full release. ( audience reacts ) now-- really? really? we found the line. ( laughter ) here's a bit of good news. after republicans like ted cruz tried to block it, this week, president biden signed the pact act, which gives life- saving care to veterans who suffered chemical exposure, like toxic burn pits. and after the signing, the president singled out a familiar name: >> so many of you here today remind us that we have fought for this for so many years. veterans, surviving families, surviving family members, advocates like rosie torres and jon stewart. but what you've done, jon, matters.
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and you know it does-- you should know. it really, really matters. you refuse to let anybody forget, refuse to let them forget, and we owe you big, man. we owe you big. ( applause ) ( standing ovation ) >> stephen: i know that dude! he's in the credits of this show! executive producer jon stewart! ( cheers and applause ) and that is a well-deserved-- well-deserved standing ovation. and as jon's friend, i know how uncomfortable he is getting praised. but, also as jon's friend, i truly enjoy how uncomfortable he is getting praised. ( laughter ) too bad, buddy. now, if jon were here, he'd say that this isn't about him, it's about the real heroes, the men and women who served their country, and he's absolutely right. but also, he's not here, so, congratulations, jon! ( laughter and applause ) you did it.
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( cheers and applause ) i want you-- ( cheers and applause ) he's going to hate this. he's going to hate this. i want you to go out tonight and treat yourself to something nice. might i suggest a slightly cleaner gray t-shirt? ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight! my guests are white house press secretary karine jean-pierre, and "she-hulk's" tatiana maslany. but when we come back, i join the cast of one of my favorite television shows, "severance!" ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) (music throughout)
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what's the difference between prop 26 and prop 27? 26? not one dime to get people off the streets and into housing 27 generates hundreds of million to help solve homelessness. the choice is clear yes on prop 27. ♪ (don't stop me now) ♪ ♪♪ ♪ (don't stop me) ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm having a good time ♪ ♪ having a good time ♪ ♪ i'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger ♪ ♪ defying the laws of gravity ♪
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♪ (don't stop me now) ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm having a good time ♪ ♪ i don't wanna stop at all, yeah ♪ ♪ ah, da, da, da, da da, da, ah, ah ♪ what's the difference between prop 26 and prop 27? 26 is a money grab that doesn't guarantee a cent for non-gaming tribes. 27 requires 15% of all state revenues go to non-gaming tribes. the choice is clear. yes, on 27. ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause )
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ladies and gentlemen-- folks-- you know-- ( cheers and applause ) you know, when i get home after a long day of tv, there's nothing i like more than sitting down with some tv. and right now, one of my favorite shows is "severance." if you're not familiar with "severance," it's a series on apple tv+ that is-- and please stay with me here-- not "ted lasso." ( laughter ) but it's one of the most critically acclaimed shows of the year, and has even been nominated for 14 emmys. which means apple now has almost as many nominations as types of cords. what is thunderbolt?! ( laughter ) is that one of the new shows? stop it! stop with the cords! ( applause ) now, if you have not watched "severance," it takes place in the surreal, subterranean offices of a company called lumon, where employees have had a microchip implanted in their brains, so that every time they
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enter or exit the building, in the elevator, their work memories are separated from the rest of their lives, at that moment. and as a result of this memory- severing moment in the elevator, whoever these workers are on the outside-- which they call their "outtie"-- is essentially a different person than what they call their "innie"-- the person who works at lumon. that's so weird. can you imagine what it would be like if i went to work and became a completely different "stephen colbert"? ( laughter ) and-- ( applause ) there are all sorts-- there are all sorts of other mysteries in "severance," like the strange "number sorting" project they're working on, the weird rewards they're given for completing work tasks, and the ominous break room, where they're forced to recite a confession of wrongdoing. it is easily one of the top dystopian workplace sci-fi mystery black comedy psychological thrillers i have ever seen. ( laughter ) in fact, the only thing i don't like about "severance" is that, i was originally going to be in it! but, for some reason, all
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my scenes were left on the cutting room floor. but thankfully, "the late show" has found the missing footage. ( laughter ) and here, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, are my deleted scenes from "severance." ♪ ♪ ♪ ( passes gas ) ( distorted audio ) >> steve c.: oh, my god! who did that? ugh! >> good morning and good day, irving. i'd like to introduce you to lumon's newest refiner, steve c. >> welcome, steve c. may kerr's mouth ever smile on you. >> steve c.: what it is, irv? >> irving. no, thanks. >> where is marcus?
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>> kitchen. >> steve c.: hi, marcus! >> it's mark s. >> steve c.: that's what i said. hey, all of you guys have got beards, all three of you. is this facial hair friday or something? >> no. >> steve c.: two of you look great. look, i'm so excited to be with you guys here and working at lulu lemon. ( laughter ) >> lumon. >> steve c.: namaste. do you ever wonder who your outtie is? >> that's not for me to know. >> steve c.: well, i'm steve c. steve c... steve c... wait a second-- am i steve carell? i mean, this is an office. i see paper over there. if this were scranton, that explains why w never go outside... >> that kind of talk is not allowed here. >> steve c.: humorless, obsessed with the rules-- you're dwight! >> i am not dwight! i don't even know who that is. >> steve c.: classic dwight. ( laughter and applause )
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>> steve c.? >> steve c.: hmm? >> are you stealing from the supply closet? >> steve c.: uh-uh. >> open your mouth. ( laughter ) >> steve c.: paper clips work better when they're wet. all i can be is sorry, and that is all that i am. >> i'm afraid you still don't mean it. >> steve c.: yeah, i wasn't really feeling that, either. sorry. can we take that from the top? >> again, please. >> steve c.: ( southern accent ) all i can be is sorry! and that is all that i am! and as god is my witness, i'll never go hungry again! >> again. and, no more accents. >> steve c.: je suis desole. okay, some of the numbers are going to elicit sort of a fear response. >> i am aware. i know how to refine the numbers. >> steve c.: do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? >> i do, actually.
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>> steve c.: okay... because 7 ate 9! >> if it weren't forbidden by the handbook, i would kill you. >> steve c.: i believe that humor is a great motivator, and i'm pretty sure i saw dwight crack a smile. >> steve c., who in kerr's name are you talking to right now? >> congratulations on hitting your quarterly goal, irving. as you know, good behavior is rewarded here at lumon. therefore, you may choose one option for a music dance experience. select carefully from this list of options. >> steve c.: hit it! ♪ somebody once told me the world is going to roll me ♪ i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed ♪ she was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
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♪ in the shape of an "l" on her forehead ♪ well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' ♪ fed to the rules and i hit the ground runnin' ♪ didn't make sense not to live for fun ♪ your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb ♪ so much to do so much to see ♪ so what's wrong with takin' the back streets ♪ you'll never know if you don't go ♪ you'll never shine if you don't glow ♪ hey now you're an all-star ♪ get your game on go play ♪ hey now you're a rock star ♪ get the show on get paid ♪ >> steve c.: marcus? >> jesus... yes? >> steve c.: hey, man. i was wondering-- i'm an innie, and my belly button's an innie. does that mean that all of our outties have outties? >> that's not how it works. >> steve c.: are you sure? >> yeah. >> steve c.: ♪ somebody once told me ♪ the world is gonna roll me i ain't the sharpest ♪ tool in the shed ♪
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>> steve c., we need to talk. >> steve c.: milchie, baby, hit me with them deets. >> the board has reached an unprecedented decision to make you the first official unsevered employee. >> steve c.: what in kerr's bubble butt are you talking about? >> it's become pretty clear that you have been stealing large amounts of office supplies. >> steve c.: this is outrageous! >> since you've started, we have lost over $20,000 in postit notes and toner. >> steve c.: how dare you! i would never steal from this place! >> you just put a lamp in your jacket. >> steve c.: oh, i put a lamp in my jacket? >> that's my lamp! >> steve c.: what are you going to accuse me of next, milchick? taking this-- this stapler and putting it in my pants? >> that's my stapler! >> steve c.: i don't have to take this. i have numbers to be scared of. i will see you tomorrow. >> you're fired. >> steve c.: fine. see you monday. you're a great leader. i'm learning from you.
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"you're fired!" that guy is hilarious! i've got to tell you, "the office" is, without a doubt, my favorite tv show. oh, hey, hold that elevator! >> oh, sorry... i don't think two can fit in here. >> steve c.: that's what she said. (♪ "the office" theme song ♪) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you to adam scott, john turturro, tramell tillman, ben stiller, and everyone at "severance" and apple tv+ for making this happen! we'll be right back with a special announcement. ( cheers and applause ) special announcement. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) worst relieve 9 of yor cold and flu symptoms, to help take you from 9 to none. for max strength nighttime relief, nyquil severe: ♪♪ ♪ keep it comin' love ♪
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want a permanent solution to homelessness? you won't get it with prop 27. it was written and funded by out-of-state corporations to permanently maximize profits, not homeless funding. 90% of the profits go to out-of-state corporations permanently. only pennies on the dollar for the homeless permanently. and with loopholes, the homeless get even less permanently. prop 27. they didn't write it for the homeless. they wrote it for themselves. want more from your vitamins?
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get more with nature's bounty. from the first-ever triple action sleep supplement. to daily digestive support. to more wellness solutions every day. get more with nature's bounty. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: give it up for the band, everybody! right there! come on! ( cheers and applause ) hello, louis. hello, louis. hello, band! hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) now, ladies and gentlemen, also give it up for the one, the only, maestro, joe walsh! (♪ guitar riff ♪) ( cheers and applause ) joe-- joe, thank you so much for being here. night after night, you've come in here and just burned the house down.
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thank you so much for bringing it. >> i'm having a great time. i love this band. >> stephen: they're an amazing band, aren't they? now, before we go, i want to ask you about an organization. we talked about this briefly. it's called vet's aid, which was founded in 2017. tell-- what is that, and what's its role? >> well, steve! life's been good, right? so, i was looking around for somewhere to make a difference, and i picked vets. >> stephen: and why was that important to you, joe? >> well, i'm a gold star kid. my father died in active duty. ( applause ) and so, i'm resonant to gold star families. >> stephen: and if people want to help, where can they go? >> this year is columbus, ohio. we're going to play a concert in columbus, ohio. sold out in a half hour. >> stephen: here's the concert poster right here. look at this. check this out right here. ( cheers and applause ) it's going to be-- >> we're going to stream it. >> stephen: --the nine inch nails, the black keys, the breeders, and, you are
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getting back together with the james gang. >> yes, i am! ( cheers and applause ) yes, i am. >> stephen: one last ride. >> there you go. >> stephen: check it out, everybody. check it out. >> thank you. >> stephen: joe, thank you so much for being here. and, everybody, stick around, because white house press secretary karine jean-pierre will be out here in just a moment. ( cheers and applause ) and, marvel's new "she-hulk," tatiana maslany, is here tonight. ( cheers and applause ) in the meantime-- in the meantime, folks, i've got news about our dear friend jon batiste. now, sharp-eyed viewers may have noticed that jon hasn't been here this summer. well, i have an update: jon has decided to leave the show. ( audience reacts ) i know! i feel the same way! but it's for all the best reasons, including to continue sharing his art with the world. and we wanted to give him a big in-person send off. joe walsh was going to pop out of a cake. thank you, joe. good man. good man. ( cheers and applause )
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but jon's not in town. i hope he's cutting his new album, and i hope it's called "more grammys please." ( cheers and applause ) we have been so lucky to have a front-row seat to jon's incredible talent for the past seven years. and, will we miss him here? "yeaaah!" ( cheers and applause ) >> louis: "yeaaah!" >> stephen: "yeaaah!" but, we're happy for you, jon. and i can't wait to have you back on as a guest with your next hit record. i love you. ( cheers and applause ) but, as happy-- as happy as i am for jon? i am thrilled for us. because i have the privilege to announce that this incredible band is staying, right there, and that our new bandleader is the one, the only, mr. louis cato, ladies and gentlemen! ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) thank you, louis! >> stephen: come on. if you've been watching--
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if you've been watching, and i hope you have, you know that louis has done a great job this summer, and he's very humble, so he won't say this, but i will. he's a musical genius. he can basically play-- ( cheers and applause ) he can basically play every instrument on that stand over there. give him an afternoon? he'll learn how to play mozart on a shoehorn. ( laughter ) so, ladies and gentleman, let me introduce, for the first time, louis cato and the late show band! ( cheers and applause ) take us out, folks! ( band playing ) we'll be right back with white house press secretary karine jean-pierre. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight has spent 20 years in politics, and worked for two presidents. she was just named the new white house press secretary. please welcome to "the late show," karine jean-pierre! ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause )
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>> oh, they're so nice! >> stephen: thank you. >> wow! >> stephen: lovely to meet you. thanks for being on. >> nice to meet you. you have a-- a different live audience than i do. ( laughter ) >> stephen: exactly! this is a little bit of a better crowd than you get on a daily basis. >> this is a little different. it's a little different. can i just say hello to my mom? >> stephen: of course. >> she is right there in the red. >> stephen: oh! ( cheers and applause ) hello! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's nice. we like moms here. >> yeah, and, you know i'm from new york, so, i'm home. >> stephen: that's excellent. that's excellent. >> so i get to see my mom. >> stephen: congrats on the new gig. >> thank you. thank you, sir. >> stephen: folks-- some folks may remember, from this photo that went around the internet a little bit. you've had a lot of different jobs over the years, but you were interviewing then-senator harris in 2019, during the campaign, and you defended her from a protester on stage.
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look at that action shot right there. ( cheers and applause ) he came to grab her mic, right? >> yeah.ur interview process, how much was your hand-to-hand combat a leg up in getting the job? >> well, you know, stephen, they say politics is a contact sport. >> stephen: mm-hmm. >> so you saw that in real life. but-- >> stephen: you want to break it out on the front row of the press room? ( laughter ) >> no! you know-- >> stephen: no, "i love all of them, stephen." >> yes, stephen, i love everybody. >> stephen: okay. >> yeah. >> stephen: yeah. >> mm-hmm. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you're in the communications department, okay? the press is part of the communications department. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: but, essentially, you know-- not to be reductive, but it's like the public relations for the white house. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: okay, how does it feel, as essentially the top p.r. person, when your boss, the president, is getting dragged in the press? like, when you some idiot in late night making a joke about
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your boss-- ( laughter ) i'm asking for a friend. how-- >> you're asking for a friend! >> stephen: yes. how does that feel? ( laughter ) >> dial that friend up. >> stephen: yeah. >> so, you know, i think you all have a job, for the american public, to make them laugh. and we have a job, for the american public, to deliver. you know, we understand. like, we understand that you have your job, we have our job. >> stephen: no hard feelings. no hard feelings. >> absolutely not. and the president gets that. the president absolutely gets that. >> stephen: okay, good. >> yeah. >> stephen: all right. is he going to come on? is he going to come on? ( laughter ) >> oh, that's where you were going! >> stephen: is he going to come on? because he's been on kimmel, he's been on fallon, but he hasn't been on-- >> oh, you're keeping track. ( laughter ) >> stephen: since he's been president. i mean, we've talked many times. we're dear friends, obviously. >> well, he loves you. >> stephen: what? and i love him! >> and i'm sure he's watching. and i'm sure he's watching. >> stephen: sure. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) so, when y'all came into office 18 months ago, one of the things-- the goals stated, was to kind of repair the relationship between that press office and the press. how was that going, and how do you do that when some members of the press won't agree on what
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reality is? ( laughter ) >> some members of the press? >> stephen: some members of the press. >> okay. look, i think... the way that i see it is, my job, our job, is to make sure that we are delivering the facts, delivering what the president's agenda is. and that's our focus, and that's what we-- we do every day. and we really worked-- have worked the last 18, 19 months to really repair that relationship, and there's always going to be a give and take, always. always going to be a little pull and tug, but that's okay, that's democracy, that's you know, the freedom of the press, the independency of the press, and, it's, you know, it's-- we see it as an opportunity to really be able to communicate to all of you, to all of the american people on the work that we're doing every single day. >> stephen: since you started, al-zawahri was killed, gun control has passed, gas prices are now down below $4 a gallon, inflation has begun to ease, the
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pact act-- the burn pit legislation-- was passed. massive climate bill is set to pass tomorrow. what is the key to making all of that happen so fast? is it you? are you the reason why this has happened? ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) or-- or is it the fact that the president has been in isolation with covid for a lot of that? >> i think, look-- i think it's this. i really do believe that you have-- we have a president who has the experience, who is committed, who has the core of his conviction. if you think about why president biden ran in 2019, it was because he saw what was happening to the core values of this country, our traditions, that were being attacked, it was being threatened. and he also saw that the little guy, right, everyday people, were being left behind. and, so, he wanted to make sure that we lift people up from the bottom up, and really bring out the economy from the bottom up
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as well, and middle out. and that's what you're seeing. this is the work of this president for the last 19 months, since the promises he made in 2019. you've got to remember, he was a senator, he was vice president. this is-- a lot of this stuff that we're talking about is work that he's been committed to for so long. and now, you know, for example, the inflation reduction act. my gosh, if this gets done-- and it will, because the speaker and our leadership is going to make this happen in about 24 hours-- it is going to change people's lives, and that is not talkin points, that is just the facts. if you think about prescription drugs? there are people out there-- and i can speak to this personally, the president can speak to this personally-- when you have an elderly parent and they are getting thousands, just thousands of dollars of prescription medication that's coming to their home because they need it-- they either have a chronic illness and they have to just survive, and the rest of the family comes together, and
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they're, like, okay, how are we going to chip in to help mom, or dad, pay for these prescription drugs? and you think about this bill, this anti--- basically, this anti-inflation bill. it is going to cut costs, lower costs of prescription drugs, cap it at $2,000 a year. that is going to make a difference for so many, so many americans. you think about-- ( cheers and applause ) you know? it matters. >> stephen: well, it's so lovely to meet you. >> nice to meet you, stephen. thank you so much for having me. >> stephen: give my best to your mother. ( cheers and applause ) white house press secretary karine jean-pierre, everybody! we'll be right back with "she-hulk's" tatiana maslany. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) a playground picnic. ziploc, unloc life. america's #1 trusted food storage bag. sc johnson overactive bladder? i've been there.
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you might already know that prop 27 taxes and regulates online sports betting to fund real solutions to the homelessness crisis. so how will that new revenue be spent? new housing units in all 58 counties, including: permanent supportive housing, tiny homes communities, project roomkey supportive hotel units... and intensive mental health and addiction treatment. in short, 27 means getting people off the streets and into housing. yes on 27.
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( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to "the late show." folks, my next guest is the emmy award-winning actor you know from "orphan black," "perry mason," and now, "she-hulk: attorney at law." please welcome back to "the late show," tatiana maslany! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ i'm a soul man i'm a soul man
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♪ i'm a soul man ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that is fantastic. >> you like it? >> stephen: it's leather and diamonds. >> yeah, don't hug me. >> stephen: i won't! you can cut glass. >> you will be skewered, yeah. >> stephen: well, listen, i'm excited to talk about the new marvel series, "she-hulk." >> yes. >> stephen: you being-- >> "attorney at law." >> stephen: "she-hulk: attorney at law," exactly. >> correct, right. >> stephen: you have an occupation. you don't-- you don't just smash. >> not just a smasher, exactly. >> stephen: but you actually have even more exciting news to share with the folks. >> yeah. >> tephen: tell the people your actual big news. >> my actual big news is, i got married. >> stephen: oh! >> yeah! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: and nobody knows. >> nobody knows! so don't tell anyone! >> stephen: so this was a secret? you guys just went off and did it? >> yes. >> stephen: who did you marry? >> i married a wonderful guy named brendan, who is-- brendan heinz, yeah. >> stephen: and so you and brendan just kept this on the d.l.? >> yeah. it felt like-- yeah. there are certain things you want to kind of keep private. but we felt like you were the right person to tell it to.
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>> stephen: well, thank you very much. >> yeah. >> stephen: mazel tov. >> do you feel pressure? >> stephen: pressure? >> yeah. with that burden-- >> stephen: to get you a present? >> yes! ( laughter ) we have a-- whatever it's called. >> stephen: a registry? you have a registry? >> i was going to say, advisory? >> stephen: a registry? >> yeah. we never did a registry, but we just started one now, and you're on it, buddy. >> stephen: okay. you're getting a crock pot! >> great. >> stephen: you're getting a slow cooker. >> love it. >> stephen: hope you like brisket, because that's all you can make. >> i do! for a time, my twitter handle said "actor/brisket," so that works. >> stephen: wow. ( laughter ) >> yeah. i'm not a brisket, i'm not brisket-- >> stephen: i was about to say. >> but i love it so much. >> stephen: meat and potatoes. >> that's right. >> stephen: how did the ceremony go? was this a small fete, to keep it secret? >> yeah. not to keep it secret, but it was covid, and we were just-- you know, we just wanted to keep it small. >> stephen: yeah. >> it went very well. it was a very chill day, other than the fact that our dog was our ring bearer. >> stephen: oh, that's nice! >> earl, yeah. he had-- >> stephen: is this it? >> this is it! and i'll-- >> stephen: is that what this photo is? >> and i'll tell you what the
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photo is about. so, earl had the little box of rings attached to his neck, and when i walked-- you know, brendan and i did the, like, "seeing each other for the first time in our outfits" thing. and when we did that-- >> stephen: i like your outfits. >> yeah, in our, like, costumes! our wedding costumes. >> stephen: "boy, you really look like a bride!" >> yeah, totally. you're really selling it. and earl, like, ran at me, and we were in this field, and blah, blah, blah. and then brandon and i were taking pictures and we were making out. and then, there's this great picture where you can see that earl has lost the rings. ( laughter ) and-- >> stephen: can you get a close shot of this right there? you can see the box... ( audience reacts ) >> and he's truly, like, oh, no! like, he's, like-- he knows what he's done. and we had no idea. >> stephen: so, when did you discover it? >> moments later. we looked down and we were, like, oh, hey, earl-- oh, no, earl! and then we found the rings, kind of in this-- truly, it was like, in a field of sheep. and brendan, like, saw them. >> stephen: in a field of sheep?
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>> yes. >> stephen: well, if it's a field of sheep, it's actually a field of something else. ( laughter ) >> correct! >> stephen: where did you find the rings? >> and there was a lot of dodging that, and thankfully they had missed the ( bleep ), as we call it in german. >> stephen: it never occurred to you that it might be courting trouble to put jewelry around a dog's neck? ( laughter ) >> he's very responsible. ( laughter ) we wanted him to, you know, feel like we trusted him. he's six now. he has to grow up. >> stephen: okay, so, now-- now you're a marvel superhero. >> now, yes. >> stephen: as i said, "she-hulk: attorney at law." >> "attorney at law." ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay. i mean, the obvious question here-- which, i can't believe it hasn't been answered before. why is that character "she- hulk?" why is bruce banner not "he-hulk?" why do you have to have the modifier? >> right. that's exactly it. well, i think, she has the same issue with this name in the show as i do, as you do.
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we all struggle with this name. she finds it reductive. she finds it-- you know, she's, like, how can-- why don't i exist without just being a derivative of the hulk? so it's a whole thing. >> stephen: but, okay-- why-- we have a clip here i want to see in just a second. but before we do that, in this clip, if i'm not mistaken-- you're, like-- you can think. you can still be a lawyer. >> i'm a woman and i can still think! >> stephen: you can still think. ( laughter ) you're a hulk! no, you're a hulk! you're a hulk, and you can still think. ( cheers and applause ) here's the thing! is that, bruce banner turns into the hulk, and he becomes kind of a mindless destroying machine, like almost an animal in intelligence. >> correct. >> stephen: and then he has to work to get out of that. and then he can't be the hulk. and finally he comes back together and becomes "professor hulk." >> yep. "professor hulk!" >> stephen: he does! i think it's called professor hulk." >> i think it's smart hulk. >> stephen: what? >> smart hulk. >> stephen: i don't want to fight. ( laughter ) >> you don't want to fight me! >> stephen: no, no, i wouldn't like you when you're angry. >> no, that's true. ( laughter )
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>> stephen: why-- why is jennifer walters-- is that her name? why can jennifer walters, why can she be a lawyer and hulk at the same time? why is she better at hulking? >> because women have been socially taught to repress and control their emotions in order to survive. so, she's like, "i'm so good at dealing with my rage. i deal with it constantly. i deal with fear constantly." so she's able to just navigate it effortlessly. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay. she's put in the hours. >> she's what? >> stephen: she's put in the hours. >> yes, exactly. she's done the time. >> stephen: so, we have a clip here with jennifer and bruce. what's going on here? >> i think this is a training montage, and we see how good jen is, compared to bruce, and he's not having fun with that. >> stephen: all right! jim? >> being a hulk asks for balance. ♪ ♪ ♪
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( crashing sounds ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> it's easy. ahh! >> little punk! >> so, i'm clearly nailing it at all these things. when am i ever going to use this as a lawyer? >> jen, when you have powers like this, it's like putting a target on your back, and the backs of all the people you care about. >> oh, cool. yet another way my life is ruined. thanks, bruce! ( cheers and applause ) >> oh, bruce. >> stephen: oh, bruce. >> oh, bruce. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, tatiana, it was lovely to see you. >> it was great to see you! >> stephen: congratulations on the marriage! >> thank you! >> stephen: that's wonderful! ( cheers and applause ) "she-hulk: attorney at law" premieres next thursday on disney+. it's tatiana maslany, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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want a permanent solution to homelessness? you won't get it with prop 27. it was written and funded by out-of-state corporations to permanently maximize profits, not homeless funding. 90% of the profits go to out-of-state corporations permanently. only pennies on the dollar for the homeless permanently. and with loopholes, the homeless get even less permanently. prop 27. they didn't write it for the homeless.
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you might already know that prop 27 taxes and regulates online sports betting to fund real solutions to the homelessness crisis. so how will that new revenue be spent? new housing units in all 58 counties, including: permanent supportive housing, tiny homes communities, project roomkey supportive hotel units... and intensive mental health and addiction treatment. in short, 27 means getting people off the streets and into housing.
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>> stephen: that's it for "thew" special thanks to joe walsh and joe vitali for being here. and special thanks as always to this band, louis cato, negah ja cowmself,oe saylor!
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good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ are you ready, y'all to have some fun ♪ on the show tonight don't you worry baby heomom rht ♪ it's "the late late show!" >> reggie: ladies and gele


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