gives you for these three as they head into middle school next year, but it can't hurt. now we were talking about what are the rules? does it have to be the queen that makes you a knight? or can just another knight create another knight? i was saying based on my knowledge of game of thrones, >vern>which i think is >sara>pretty much the official thing, that it can actually be another knight. >paul>well, the only times i've seen it in the real world, it's someone high up in the royal family. queen or the prince. >sara>you were knighted by sir mix-a-lot, is w t i had >> high-stakes phone call between president trump and russia's vladimir putin as the white house seeks to negotiate a deal to end their brutal years long conflict in ukraine. >> russian president vladimir putin taking the most important call of his war. there is a school of thought

that he's just stringing president trump along. >> to a certain extent he is stringing trump along. >> hello? >> thank you for your call. your peace talks are important to us. we'll be with you as soon as he has finished his drone attack on a hospital. please hold. [jaunty accordion music] please continue to hold. president putin is addressing a very urgent matter. [piano music] unfortunately president putin is not available. at the beep, please say something nice about his drone attack. >> congratulations. that's really fantastic. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephe colbert!" tonight... tough bill to swallow! plus, stephen welcomes james comey! and meghann fahy! featuring louis cato and "the

late show" band! and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: there you go! there you go. absolutely. hey! welcome. welcome. welcome, my friends and neighbors. mr. and mrs. america, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] folks, every so often, i am firm but i am fair. every so often, i gotta take myself to task for being too focused on all the bad stuff that donald trump does. 'cause when i do that, sometimes i miss out on the important things in life, like all the terrible stuff they're doing in congress. right now, trump's lil'

republi-buddies on capitol hill trying to figure out a bill but they are coming close to fisticuffs over his heartless tax-cuttin' boondoggle, which he's been calling his "big, beautiful bill." [booing] it really sounds less like legislation and more like the husky guy at a male strip club. "okay, ladies. coming up to the main stage is big, beautiful bill! you know him! you love him! the dad bod adonis! he's gonna eat a whole pot pie with his bare hands. grab onto those handles, ladies, before he runs off to home depot!" the buh-buh-bill has some real bad goodies in it. it not only adds over 3 trillion in debt, it cuts so much medicaid that 7.6 million americans would lose their health insurance. [booing] but speaker johnson is ramming it through with a self-imposed deadline of memorial day.

the republican majority is so thin that speaker johnson can afford to lose only three votes to pass the big beautiful bill and keep his lips on trump's big beautiful badonkadonk. the thing is, the g.o.p. can't agree on what should be in it. for example, one g.o.p. rep insisted the bill should include steep cuts to medicaid, tank any bill that reduced medicaid. those two guys? chip roy of texas and andrew garbarino of new york. those two are the most home-state-named guys i've ever heard. you'll never get them to agree, let alone caucus with louisiana's raonaughshoau hawnawnow. [laughter] today, trump went to capitol

hill and met with republicans behind closed doors to tongue-lash them into supporting his bill. he took a moment to praise speaker johnson and the chair of the house g.o.p. caucus. >> we have a very, very united party. this man has done a fantastic job, and so have you, lisa. >> stephen: "yes, it's true. mike johnson is amazing! and so are you, lisa. everyone look at what a good job i did recognizing this woman. you're that woman, lisa. i even remembered her name! whatever it was, it's lisa now." as a result of trump's famous art of the dealing, the two sides are more dug in than ever. but, you know, there's always gonna be a lot of digging when you're dealing with a-hole. [applause] there you go. we're learning more about the plane qatar is offering to be air force one, you know, the

palace in the sky. all along, donald trump has been saying it's a free gift that qatar offered him out of nowhere, but now sources tell cnn that the trump administration first approached qatar about acquiring a plane. so really less of a gift and more of a gift registry. "qatar, i'm putting you down for a giant gold plane. kuwait, i'm eyeing the breville belgian waffle maker. saudi arabia, you get me the kitchen aid stand mixer with dough hook accessory please. and el salvador, i'll take the vitamix and a supermax prison." apparently, donald trump is unhappy with our current air force one, which is at least 35 years old. traditionally, an age when trump gets a new plane or a new wife. so, the air force, with the help of boeing, started shopping around, and while plane-browsing, trump's eye was

caught by a brochure for the qatari aircraft, promising "soft fabrics of the highest quality" in the bedroom, "luxurious leather and exquisite wood veneers" and a "lavishly designed" bathroom that is "almost a piece of art." "oh, every bathroom i visit is like a work of art. starts off as the "mona lisa," but pretty soon, it's "guernica." the town is screaming. the horses are terrified. and by the time i'm done, it's a jackson pollock." [applause] art? a piece of art? you got that? but you know what? i better be careful talking about this at all. because even talking about trump's qatari jet can get you into trouble these days. just take abc news. last year, you may remember, trump sued them for defamation, after trump claimed that george stephanopoulos mischaracterized his sexual abuse of e. jean carroll.

now, to appease the adjudicated sexual abuser, abc's parent company, disney, settled with trump by giving $15 million to trump's presidential library. [booing] yeah. and to punish stephanopoulos, disney replaced him on "this week" with live action stitch. they're about the same height. emboldened, emboldened... emboldened by their foldin', this weekend, trump posted: "why doesn't chairman bob iger do something about abc fake news? everyone, including their lawyers, has been told that abc must not say that qatar is giving me a free boeing 747 airplane, because they are not. they are donating the plane to the united states air force/defense department, and not to me." adding: "especially since i just won $16,000,000 based on the fake and defamatory reporting of

liddle' george slopadopolus. now i see they are at it again, and i again give these sleazebags fair warning!" you see, disney? this is what happens when you capitulate to an autocrat! he's just gonna keep comin' back for more. even kids know that. haven't you read "if you give a mouse 16 million cookies?" thanks to this precedent, thanks to this terrible precedent, trump thinks he can extort the media whenever they do something he doesn't like. and that directly affects my beloved parent conglomerate, paramount. you know their slogan: "paramount: i don't know, maybe spongebob could fight a a quick reminder, ladies and gentlemen, during the 2024 campaign, trump accused "60 minutes" of misleadingly editing an interview with kamala harris, and filed a $20 billion lawsuit against cbs and "60 minutes."

legal experts say this is a nuisance lawsuit, widely seen as lacking legal merit. coincidentally, that is also embossed on rudy giuliani's business cards. fun fact: fun fact. fun fact: he's still alive. isn't that fun? at first, cbs said they'd fight this frivolous lawsuit. but here's the rub. paramount is in the process of being sold right now, and they need the trump administration's fcc to approve transferring the cbs broadcast license, which, for vague reasons, they haven't done yet. and last night, jake tapper tweeted, "a source close to negotiations says paramount/cbs could settle with president trump for as much as $30 million to $50 million. sorry, could i have a drink of

water? [spitting] $30 million to $50 million? holy bazingas. now, because handin' over a pile of cash to a president over a frivolous lawsuit to get your broadcast license approved sounds so shady, senators ron wyden, elizabeth warren, and bernie sanders sent a letter to paramount hq raising concerns that this possible settlement risks violating bribery laws. ladies and gentlemen, i am a proud company man, i love who i work for, and i stand up against this scurrilous accusation that paramount is engaged in corporate and political malfeasance for the low price of $50 million. paramount, come on.

let's talk turkey. daddy just wants his beak wet. you cut the check, and zip! i'm joking, obviously. satire, et cetera. i would never take a bribe from cbs. if donald trump outbids them! because, mr. president, i am willing to testify on your side in this lawsuit for $50 million and $1. and remember, remember, sir, this is not a gift to me. this is a gift to the stephen colbert combination presidential library and pizza hut. we got a great show for you tonight! my guests are former fbi director james comey and meghann fahy! but when we come back, it's "meanwhile"! join us, won't you? ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: please give your attention to louis cato and "the late show" band, everybody.

i don't know if you've seen. i'm so excited about the new superman coming out. >> louis: of the d.c. movie, right? >> stephen: not the movie. i am talking about this exclusive variant cover batman/superman: world's finest #40. featuring superman and me at this desk. look at that. it's a huge honor. thank you, d.c. an honor not only to be on the cover with these two crime fighters but to be added to the story list of other celebrities who have had cover cameos including sir paul mccartney, sir jack white, and lord william shatner. so thank you, d.c. thank you. this is available tomorrow? people can get this tomorrow?

what? why am i talking about it now? june 18th. why the urgency of talking about it today? why did i get a note saying you have to talk about this tonight? oh, they are showing everybody else to cover tomorrow but i am breaking the news tonight on the show that i'm special enough. okay, i understand that part. anyway, thank you. i want to thank d.c. not just for this honor but if you can get a shot, giving me, giving me a chin again at 61. it's very nice. this baby will be available in comic book stores as he said, a month from now. supplies are limited because i already bought a bunch of them. folks, if you watch the show, you know i spend most of my time in a lombardy news atelier, shaping topical story wool into

a sleek silhouette with a notched lapel and a 100% cupro lining to create the eye-catching canali capri wool melange slim-fit suit that is my monologue. but sometimes, sometimes, folks, i wake up naked after doing whippets behind an abandoned jai a lai court where i pull on a dirty reflective vest and a discarded speedo, then stumble into traffic sporting the junkie slicker of news that is my segment... ♪ ♪ >> "meanwhile"! >> stephen: boom! meanwhile, terrible news for anyone who enjoys pleasure: a new study says ice cream may upset your gut health because the emulsifiers can alter the mix of bacteria in the gut, damage the lining of the gastrointestinal tract, and trigger inflammation. which is why my brand, americone dream, is loaded with fudge-covered chunks of "i don't

care about science" and a tasty swirl of "shut the [bleep] up." next up, in primate hook-up news, according to a new study, chimpanzees use leaves to wipe their bums and clean up after sex. that is so dumb. leaves are dirty. i thought monkeys would be smart enough to use toilet paper like bears do. meanwhile, according to a new interview in the hollywood reporter, tom cruise intends to keep making movies into his 100s. fantastic! i hope he never stops. because i, for one, am looking forward to seeing "mission: incontinent."

looks pretty good. that's actually pretty good. meanwhile, registration is now open for a clothing-optional 5k race in south carolina. oh, that sounds fun. running naked with everything flappin' in the breeze. it'll be a sight to behold. and to be-hear. [laughter] the race is being hosted by a nudist resort and is called "the buck creek streak." named for a nearby creek, and for what those naked runners will leave on the lawn chairs after the race. you're welcome. bring a towel. meanwhile, after a tennessee mom took her 3-year-old daughter to

visit ford's theater, the little girl has developed an irrational fear that john wilkes booth is under her bed, and even though the girl's mother "has stressed to her daughter that booth has been gone since his 1865 death, lainey still isn't able to relax." you might think this little girl's fear is irrational. until you meet her. [laughter] meanwhile, in oregon, a local soccer team called the portland bangers has unveiled their new mascot, saucy t. sausage, ahead of their debut game. let's take a look! oh, my god! not only is he horrifying, he's wearing his own children as hair! according to a spokes-banger, saucy t.

sausage is "known for his slightly overcooked ego, constant flexing, and belief that he's portland's sexiest piece of meat." i'm not sure if this says sexy. i think this says "i'm about to commit a home invasion." he looks like a porno version of the grinch. >> louis: wow! [applause] >> stephen: it wasn't his heart that grew three sizes that day. meanwhile, hbo's parent company warners reversed course and changed max's name back to hbo max. chairman and ceo of hbo and max content casey bloys said "with the course we are on and strong momentum we are enjoying, we believe hbo max far better represents our current consumer proposition. and it clearly states our

implicit promise to deliver content that is recognized as unique." which is a lot of words just to say "never mind. we [bleep]ed up." we'll be right back with former fbi director and author james comey! ♪ ♪ obsessed perfectionists. who take quality very seriously. and go to the ends of the earth to hustle the best of the best for you. yes! we get the deals, you get the good stuff. marshalls. have you always had trouble with your weight? you get the good stuff. me too. discover the power of wegovy. with wegovy, i lost 35 pounds. and some lost over 46 pounds. and i'm keeping the weight off. i'm reducing my risk. wegovy is the only weight-management medicine

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back! >> stephen: welcome back! oh, thanks, ladies and gentlemen. folks, happy to say my first folks, happy to say my first guest is a best-selling author and former director of the fbi. please welcome back to "the late show," james comey.

>> james: my wife and i were walking on the beach and saw those numbers and shells on the beach. >> stephen: you didn't do this. somebody asked of it. somebody else did it. we were on a walk. she looked at it and said why did someone put their address in the sand? we stood, looked at it trying to figure out what was he or she had been a server in restaurants she said you know i think it is, i think it's a reference to restaurants when you 86 something.

>> stephen: off the menu. >> james: when i was a kid he would say 86 to get out of a place. >> stephen: i was a bartender, you would 86 a customer they were getting drunk. give them a low proof alcohol or something. >> james: i said i think it's a clever political message. she said you should take a picture. sure. she said you should instagram that. then boom. [applause] >> stephen: the president did not think it was clever. he said "a child knows what that meant. that meant assassination." they said, like the secret service is going to call you. if you been called by federal authorities? >> james: yeah. it doesn't mean that to this child of god but i saw that he

said that. secret service called me and i talked to an agent and they asked me if i would be interviewed and i said of course so i met with them and i told them, like this interview. i hope and expect that's the end of it. >> stephen: like this interview? is this like talking to us for great service agent? i've got to back off on my guests if i feel that way to them. did they explain why 8647 was so bad? it's better than 6947. what they say? did they say we get it, go home. >> james: all they did was act like pros and they are. what did you intend, why did you understand? i gave them the same explanation. the truth. >> stephen: congratulations on the attention. there you go. that is a hell of a viral campaign. one of your successors, fbi director christopher wray, resigned right before trump's inauguration. trump said he's going to be out of there, whatever. how long is a term? seven years? >> james: ten years. >> stephen: had considerable time left on his term.

exposed overlap administration so the fbi is not factotum of the administration. would you have done that? do you think it's a good idea? did you talk to chistopher wray? >> james: i don't think it's a good idea. i wish he hadn't done it. i didn't speak to them about it. the reasons you said i think is a mistake to signal this is just another presidential appointment. since hoover the american people through congress have wanted this to be outside of politics so that a 10-year term is to span any president's tenure. >> stephen: we hear a lot of stories about what's going on the fbi come a lot more the beginning of this particular term. have you spoken to any of your former colleagues? what is going on inside the building? >> james: i talked to a lot of them here they come up to me on the street or some i've known for a long time will reach out. they are struggling, worried about the reality and reputation of the fbi right now they are hunkering down most of all. >> stephen: have there been a lot of firings? people let go? have they hollowed out that building like they have other buildings?

>> james: at the senior levels they forced out the seniormost appointees who were career people that christopher wray had in place, they force-out the head of the new york office in manhattan for being too much of a stand-up person. but the rank-and-file is in place and just trying to do their work. >> stephen: last week nbc news reported fbi field offices around the country been ordered to assign more agents to immigration enforcement. they are still there but they are working for the fbi but they're basically doing i.c.e.'s job. don't we already have agencies to do this sort of thing? you think that's the proper use of the fbi? >> james: i don't get that. the fbi spends a lot of time trying to assign resources against priorities. the top of the stack is counterterrorism, counterintelligence and cyber. so surely those haven't gone away and now we can move people to immigration. i would expect they would go to congress. i could not move anything more than $100,000 in resources without congress' permission. i don't know where the congress is on it.

>> stephen: presumably if those people are being moved to border enforcement than those other priorities are getting short shrift. >> james: logically that would be the case. >> stephen: it would be a good time to do crime, you're saying? you are advising everyone out there thinking of criming that crime while the iron is cold. >> james: kids, there is no good time to do crime. >> stephen: did you say kids? [applause] sir, this is cbs. no kids are watching this right now. we have to take a quick break. we'll be right back with more james comey, everybody. stick around. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ despite being on an antidepressant, i was still masking my depression symptoms. my doctor said it could be because my antidepressant alone wasn't enough. so she recommended an add-on treatment. she recommended adding rexulti. when taken with an antidepressant,

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♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody. we're back with the author of the new novel "fdr drive." former fbi director james comey. last time you were on the show you said participants in the january 6 riots and insurrection should be "brought to justice and punish severely." since then, the president took a slightly different tack. he pardoned all of them without differentiating what their crimes had been. [booing] don't listen to them. make your own decision. was that a good decision or a bad decision by the president of the united states? >> james: it was an obscenity

that will stain this country forever. >> stephen: what does it say future political violence? >> james: it sends terrible messages in that direction, it undercuts the deterrent effect of the prosecutions. sends a terrible message to people who might investigate crimes like that. you're not going to get ahead in the fbi by working stuff like that given what you saw happen with the pardons. it's awful on multiple dimensions. >> stephen: like a de facto militia that's grateful and beholden to the president of the united states. >> james: another awful consequence. that's why used the term obscenity. >> stephen: kash patel, the present director of the fbi. [booing] and none of his family are here evidently.

kash patel says he wants to -- to see if i've got this right. he wants to live part time in work remotely far away from fbi headquarters in washington. in your experience, just from your experience, which is the director of the fbi feel like a part-time job? would it benefit from remote work? you are close to the slots, the loosest slots in town and the leggy showgirls. >> james: it's not that kind of job but in his case and actually cool with that. spen all the time. >> stephen: well i've got you, i'm not trying to set you up for a self complement, what do you think the director of the fbi should be like? what are the qualities that make a good fbi director? >> james: it has to be someone who is committed to protecting the reality and the perception that justice is just. it's an institution that stands outside of anything that smacks of fear or favor. integrity is everything in that organization.

[applause] >> stephen: do you think the fbi will recover from this moment? >> james: i do. >> stephen: they have problems in the past, stains on their record, they haven't always been heroes of their own stories. they spied on mlk. they spied on hemingway. what change the fbi to something that you think is not the equivalent of hoover's semi secret police. why did that change originally? because hoover was not necessarily the hero of the fbi story. >> james: all of that was exposed around the time of watergate and hard lessons were learned. among the changes that were made, directors terms were set at ten years. oversight of all different kinds was pressed on the agency to offer transparency, deterrence, we hired different kinds of people. lots of things were done for 50 years to make the fbi different

which is why today is so worrisome. >> stephen: let's get to the book. as i said, it's a crime novel. "fdr drive." your third book in a series of legal thrillers. what's it about? is it a whodunit? >> james: no. it's a story i wrote last year not knowing what america would be like in may of this year about a right wing podcaster inspiring his followers to engage in violence against disaffected groups and their representatives and it's about my protagonist trying to figure out, when does speech become crime and how do i stop innocent people from being murdered and beaten? because this guy is exhorting people to go after these kind of folks. you know who the bad guy is. the question is, can we get the bad guy and stop him? there's other twists i don't want to give away but the legal

thriller and a police procedural. >> stephen: i understand your wife patrice helps you write these. >> james: we are old people so we watch birds now. >> stephen: literal birds, not a show called "birds." >> james: we watch birds. it looks like a tufted titmouse. we drink coffee and we think about what the next book might be and she is my idea person and we agree on that idea and i write and she follows it on a google doc giving me lovingly and frankly brutal feedback. >> stephen: loving but brutal feedback. just on the book? former director, thank you so much for being here. his book, "fdr drive," is available now. the man is james comey. we'll be right back with meghann fahy. ♪ ♪ with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis my skin was no longer mine. my active psoriatic arthritis joint symptoms held me back. don't let symptoms define you... emerge as you,

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>> don't set me fruit, stupid bitch! what is this place and what is everybody look like an easter egg? >> i can't talk right now. i'm working. i work here. >> you're always working. you've been sending me to voice mail for months. >> it's the high season. it's like when society is here. >> who are you? >> stephen: please welcome to "the late show," meghann fahy. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] there you go. hello. nice to meet you. >> meghann: nice to meet you. >> stephen: i understand you just had a birthday. >> meghann: i did. i understand you just had a birthday. >> stephen: i did. what was yours?

>> meghann: mine was april 25. >> stephen: mine was may 13. >> meghann yours was more recent. >> stephen: let's say how old we turn. >> meghann ready? one, two, three, 35! >> stephen: what? i didn't know you were going to say that. what are the odds? i literally did nothing for my birthday. did you do anything? >> meghann: usually do nothing for my birthday. >> stephen: 35 is a good year. >> meghann: i'm working at atlantis of some of my friends from new york came down to georgia and we rented a house on lake lanier. it was gorgeous. >> stephen: and airbnb or something? >> meghann: oh, did we. we did. we had a great time. the host was less impressed with the fun time we had. but we had a blast. >> stephen: was their trouble? >> meghann: not really.

the comment was "nice on the messy and rowdy side." >> stephen: that's what you got in your review? they reviewed you as messy and rowdy? >> meghann: it's the only airbnb review i've ever received. it just says that about me. >> stephen: you should put that on your resume. the folks know you as messy and rowdy but your tv and movie roles, your first big gig was in understudy and probably. understudy on broadway. what theater? >> meghann: the booth. i was in a show called "next to normal." >> stephen: what year? >> meghann: this would have been 2009. >> stephen: you were 19? >> meghann: i was. >> stephen: that's a good gig. i've never been in understudy on broadway.

>> meghann: you always have to be ready to do everything without having done the thing in a long time. >> stephen: in case the person you are understudying breaks their leg. do you get the perks? one of the things people were doing broadway often say it's great when x or y star came back it was so wonderful. meryl streep or lily tomlin or whatever. does the understudy get that? i they liked get away for me, you odious child. >> meghann: the thing that's so special is its true people come to see the show, they like to say hi but if you are the understudy, you weren't in it so you're less interesting. but jennifer garner came to see the show and i was still the understudy. i was really taken with her because she took such an interest in me and she really didn't have to do that. >> stephen: she is lovely. she was our babysitter. >> meghann: i heard this.

she is so cool. she really is the best. >> stephen: yeah. i am just agreeing that i don't know what else to say. i don't know why they are laughing. she is the best. did you babysit when you were a young actress? she was an actress, i had no job and she had no job. we had done a show together and she was like i needed gig. >> meghann: you had no job and you still needed a babysitter? i'm sorry. >> stephen: we had both just been in "spin city" and the show was over. >> meghann: it's very cool. i have to say that. >> stephen: i did have a baby so occasionally my wife and i wanted to go to dinner because that's how you get a second baby. >> meghann: i don't have kids. i know it's a full-time job in and of itself. >> stephen: you are starring the new show "sirens" we saw a clip of. julianne moore is in it.

>> meghann: as you could tell from the clip, devon is a little angry at her sister. she shows up to try to convince her sister to come home and help with their sick dad and her little sister wants nothing to do with that and julianne moore plays this ethereal potentially cult leader woman. >> stephen: that place we were just seeing is a cult? >> meghann: potentially. >> stephen: we don't know? >> meghann: you'll have to tune in to find out but i think devon, my character, thinks it's a cult and becomes intent on extracting her sister from that environment. >> stephen: i am kind of a cult fan. >> meghann: so am i. >> stephen: would you want to be >> meghann: i wouldn't want to be on one. i haven't heard one that's cool. but i'm fascinated by the psychology. >> stephen: would you want to lead it? >> meghann: i would. >> stephen: if you lead, i'll join. i want someone to tell me what to do. >> meghann: you want to be in my cult?

that's exactly what they're looking for. >> stephen: i am totally ready. give me a guru. i will wear the robe. i will eat the corn. >> meghann: no robes. regular clothes. >> stephen: i thought -- going on a 5k or something. so lovely to meet you. "sirens" premieres thursday on netflix. it's meghann fahy, everybody. we'll be right back.

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>> stephen : good night! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪