tv Eyewitness News at 11 CBS April 7, 2015 2:37am-3:08am EDT
came home with math homework. she wanted me to help her. i'm thinking, how hard could that be? how many apples could sally possibly have? she asked me to write a polynomeo. she has a tutor twice a week. they goes on thursdays. on tuesdays i go. [ laughter ] >> yes, i do have kids. i love hanging around with kids being around them. it's fun. one time out of the nowhere, you get those father-son moments. my son is only 4, he looked at me and said dad, i want to be a doctor. >> aw. >> yes! right? or a dinosaur. [ laughter ] >> how many years you been married? >> i've been married ten years,
byron, ten years. the best part about being married is single people. single people always got to let you know how single they is. they can't just be single. they got to stop everything. let me tell you, i come and go as i please. i am single! yeah, you single till you go home to that lonely apartment. lord, give me a man, give me a man. any man. >> i don't know what single people you've been talking to. >> are you single? >> hell, yes. >> all right. >> i'm a bachelorette and happy to be a bachelorette. a woman reaches a certain age,
they call us an old maid. i'm happily single. i'm not looking -- i'm tired of explaining. a lot of men don't understand that. shut up. shut up. let me tell you. honey, a guy talked to me the other day, said why don't you have a man? i said i'm not looking for a man. he said why aren't you looking for a man? are you gay? >> why do i have to be gay? >> are you? >> why can't i just be sick of y'all? why do i gotta be gay? you know what i'm saying. >> yeah! check it out. now women are making all this noise, their rights. a lot of times when ladies are single they're like oh, i'm single. give me a man! give me a week's worth of men,
i'm cool. that'll take care of ten years of denzel. >> how about you? you get along with everybody? >> wow, red necks, they're like the only breed of white people not afraid of black people. you step on their shoelace oh, you stepped on my shoes. holy schmoly. i have children! [ laughter ] >> you can't talk a red neck out of a fight. no matter how much stuff you talk, he'll be like i'm going to punch you in the chest so hard, and he's like man you
ain't putting your hands on me. when i call on the phone, you better click over and see what the hell i want. you ever see me fighting a bear you better jump in and help the bear! regular white dudes, red neck step on your shoe oh, you stepped on my shoe they'll talk so much. you wonder why you said something in the first place. you can't tie a shoe like a human being. what are you some form of pervert. are you the missing link between a man and ape? someone get the smithsonian on the line. i want my ree-ward. [ laughter ]
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♪ >> yeah! all right. welcome back to "comics unleashed" hot chocolate. you've been traveling? >> i like traveling but some of the airports i noticed don't have enough security. one of them didn't even have a real metal detector. there was just a lady standing there with study. like you looked like you dropped something. beep. she just beeped me out of her mouth. we going to have to search you, use a wand on you. that's cool. i spread my arms out. she came over with the wand. [ laughter ] >> i have five kids. my wife and i.
i have an older daughter. i've been doing it for years. i got four girls, i got my son, and i want to go on record to america. every man wants a son. you want a son, come on. i don't care what they say. every man, every man with a son, give me a hand. my son, a punk! tell everybody. a freak! my daughter can't make a move without my son telling it. daddy, daddy. listen you listen good. i don't give a damn if you get kidnapped. my son was in the living room screaming to the top of his lungs, hey rochelle are you on
the tv again? [ laughter ] >> i'm sure gonna find out. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> how many kids do you have? >> i got two beautiful daughters, man. three of them. 'cause rodney's son told me about the other one. [ laughter ] >> i got two beautiful daughters, 13-year-old, and 4-year-old daughters. [ applause ] >> taylor and zoey. lost about 25 pounds. my daughter was instrumental in me losing a lot of weight. when she was around 4 months old, i was chubby i was rocking her to sleep, and when i woke up
she was sucking on me. [ laughter ] >> i joined a gym immediately! >> what do you pull your comedy from? >> i just watch people like college students. anyone in the country. take somebody in the school, university of california. ask them what school they go to. you get a nice quick answer usc, nyu. ask somebody that go to a community college. you get a much longer response. what school do you go to? what school do you go to? well see right now -- [ laughter ] >> my financial aid to come through. did i tell you my leg is messed up? my leg.
♪ welcome back to "comics unleashed" hot chocolate. is everybody a big fan of reality shows? >> i got a new show in mind. all the women are going to be like outspoken bossy, opinionated women. that's my new show. it's called "what wants to marry this bitch?" >> i took my daughter to beverly hills mall. >> oh, my gosh. what are you trying to do lose her? >> no but santa claus, growing up i had no problem with santa claus being black in a mall. but at least dress like you're really santa claus [ laughter ]
>> it was obviously like a pillow north his outfit. he had shades and everything on. and he was acting like some of the requests were preposterous. santa claus is supposed to be like ho ho ho see how good you are. he was like playstation? please! >> i can't tell my daughter that there's some real santa clauss and some fake. when she first saw him, she was like why is he so dark? i was like he's been going down a lot of chimneys. [ laughter ] >> but once i saw how he was interacting with the kids i had to tell her he was the real santa claus. then i was thinking, am i racist against my own people. but i have a responsibility to
my kids. so i have no problem with santa claus being black, but my kids are going to grow up thinking he's a white kid for no other reason than for them to be thinking it's cool for a brother to be in a house at night with a bag on his back. >> political views? >> i don't have any. always trying to pull them out of me. everybody's like michael junior, are you pro-gay? >> what? no i'm not pro-gay. i'm not amateur gay either. i didn't even know they had a league. [ laughter ] >> we're going to take a break. we'll be right back with more "comics unleashed" hot chocolate. the answer to treating your dog's fleas and ticks is staring you right in the face. nexgard, from the makers of frontline® plus.
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l'oreal age perfect cell renewal cream and oil. you're worth it. welcome back to "comics unleashed" hot chocolate. what do you think about california? >> everybody here drinks bottled water. i'm not paying for the water. water's free. don't tell me california's tap water is bad for you. i've been drinking it since i moved here. nothing's problem with me. not to mention, i've been drinking the tap water since i moved here. i haven't noticed any problems with me. [ laughter ] >> working out? >> i have been working out. the thing about it is i realized just last week i realized i'm a
big dude. [ laughter ] >> big men walking around like we still kids. if this used to be abs, if you got one ab you're a big dude. i was on my cell phone, my boy's like, dog, are you running? actually, i'm standing still. for a man, look at that look at that yeah yeah yeah! stop him, stop him, stop him! stop it! women are going out and buying this damn victoria secret. most of the men don't care about
your underwear. huh-uh, you all want us out of the underwear. you all like to see us for a minute. i went to victoria's secret the other day, they had the audacity to have one single pair of panties for $18. you're supposed to get five pairs for $18. i said look look look i had to ask the lady why. she said they were a very special trim and the padding. i said, lady, is there a penis attached? [ laughter ] >> for $18, you know, these panties better do me. >> give them a round of applause. great time thanks for joining us. and you as well. thanks for joining us.
♪ >> right now on "eyewitness news" breaking news. young children caught in the middle avenue tense standoff. we've got late details tonight about how they were able to get free. good evening thanks for staying up late. i'm chris may. >> i'm jessica dean. that drama unfolded on 67th avenue in the city's west oak lane neighborhood. todd quinones is on the scene with breaking details. >> reporter: police say the father of seven children touched off a barricade situation when
he came to the front of his home here and waived what appeared to be a gun. it was a dramatic moment when the kids escape out of the house police and swat team officers surrounded the home on the 1800 block of 67th avenue. inside a man who appeared to be armed and seven children. it all started just after 7:00 a dhs worker according to police arrived with a court order to remove two children from the home a 10-year-old and 12 year old. as the children were leaving police say the father then appeared at the top of the steps waving what was believed to be a handgun. >> brandished for her to see obviously to intimidate her and directed those two children to return back into the house. >> reporter: short while later investigators say the mother told police the 49-year-old man apparently fell asleep on the couch. she then directed the oldest child to least others out of the back door. police then sent in a robot confirm the man was asleep moved in and arrested him. it turns out the gun he was waving according to police was a rep my caber rhett at a.
>> if you were to point that firearm at me, i would fire upon you. and the last thing we want is unnecessary tragedy. >> reporter: the seven children all were not injured and have since been released back into the custody their mom. reporting in west oak lane, todd quinones cbs3 "eyewitness news". news is also breaking tonight in montgomery county. two people have been found shot at 600 ridge pike in plymouth twb. investigators believe that both may have been shot elsewhere and then taken to that locate. the victims are hospitalized at this hour. their condition are not known. police are looking for a gunman now. surveillance video catches a glimpse of the van wanted in connection to the chilling abduction of a center city july he store worker. police say three men snatched the woman as she walked to her car in parking garage saturday afternoon. the victim told authorityies are the men bound, beat and hit her with a taser seven times for the stores keys an pass code.
she was dumped in a cemetery. that tack has left the tight-it in jewelers row community shaken. >> she's known my business, my family for years. i just hope that they catch whoever it is. she's okay. >> so scared about all of that situation and i'm hoping nobody, you know, everybody will learn lesson and take precaution about it. >> the woman's employer tells "eyewitness news" she is out of the hospital tonight and is recovering at home. what a final four you saw it tonight here on cbs3 duck and wisconsin and it's the blue devils winning their fifth national championship. >> that game was close all the way to the end but the badgers came up just a little short. two teams swapped the lead 16 times in front of a crowd of more than 71,000 people in indianapolis. in the end it was duke 68 wisconsin 63. and take a look at this video just into "eyewitness news". there's a celebration. this is the d