captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> jon: stephen colbert! >> stephen: thank you, everybody! hey! hey! hello! ( cheers and applause ) welcome. welcome, sir. welcome, young man. up there. out there. mr. and mrs. america and all the ships at sea. hi, jon. ♪ hey, hey, hey yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

>> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank you so much. i'm stephen colbert. you folks make it so fun coming out here every night. i do loving doing this show. one thing about being on camera is you have to care about how you look. how do you think i look tonight? do you think i look okay? ( cheers and applause ) that was very niefs you to say. ( laughter ) i'd like to thank my hair and makeup folks and, of course, the entire team of spanx wranglers that lower me into my suit every night. and here's the thing: i have the same worries as any guy my age. is my hair thinning? is my waist thickening? would it eliminate these crow's feet if i bought a corvette? just normal insecurity. which is why i was so happy to see a new ad campaign from american eagle outfitters. they have a lingerie brand for women of all body types called aerie. and last month, they announced a

new underwear line called aerie men to help guys of all shapes feel confident about their bodies. >> being an aerie man isn't just about being in your underwear. it's about being you. >> healthy body image to me is loving who you are. >> the real you is sexy. >> the real you is sexy. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: damn right! it's about damn time! the real me is sexy! this ad made me so positive about my body, i cancelled my gym membership...four years ago. i knew it was coming. so it was comforting to know american eagle was behind me and liked what they saw back there ( laughter ) i felt good. i felt valuable. i felt desirable. until i found out that the aerie man campaign was an april fools' joke. >> audience: oh! >> stephen: yeah, american eagle explained that the weighed was all in good fun to parody

body-positive marketing. that's right. "love your body the way it is! ha-ha, just kidding! you're hideous." but really what bothers me is that not only was this a cruel joke. they did not even post the video on april 1. they posted it on march 23. you can't do april fools whenever you want to. you have to do a thing associated with a day on that day. for instance, i highly reccommend you do not hand out candy to children on any day but halloween. i say that this ad does not meet the legal requirements for april fooling. so on behalf of all men, i demand that american eagle send me an official, notarized letter that says you find this sexy. ( cheers and applause ) in fact, in fact, right now, on thi'm going to show you what a real man's body looks like, all

right? and this is as much of my body as i am comfortable showing in public, especially after your muffin shaming. one thing i do feel good about: we have a great show for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen. first, from the new movie "mr. right," i'll be sitting down with sam rockwell and anna kendrick, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) then i'll talk with television star and author david duchovny. ( cheers and applause ) plus, we'll have music from autolux. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh, right. that sounds like jon batiste and stay human. say hi to the band, everybody. they're about to put some funk in your trunk, but before they do, one more thing: scientists developed a computer program that can accurately

create new rembrandt paintings, though its designers are still hoping it goes to law school. >> tonight, stephen welcomes anna kendrick and sam rockwell. david duchovny. and a musical performance by autolux. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause )

>> stephen: wooo! thank you for that. thank you, jon. how is everybody doing tonight? you having a good time? ( cheers and applause ) we had a really fun show last night. for those of you who missed it, melissa mccarthy and husband ben falcone competed in our new show-in-show cooking show "smooshed," where they had to make a dish in under a minute using mystery ingredients: marshmallows bacon bits, sal teens and really anything else. it was pretty fun, until i was the one who realized i had to eat what they made which did not occur to me until the odd yents was already chanting, "eat it, eat it." of course, as always on "smooshed," we're going to be posting the recipes for ben's crispy late show canapes and melissa's rustic tuscan hash on our twitter feed @colbertlateshow, and the should be posted around the time

i finish digesting some of it. also last night, we did something called "midnight confessions," where i confess my sins to the audience. who always forgive me. to thank you i thought you might like to share your confessions with me so just tweet us your confessions using the hashtag #lateshowconfessions. these are not necessarily sins, just things you're ashamed of. who knows? maybe your dark secret could end up on national tv. speaking of deep shame, the 2016 election. ( cheers and applause ) last night, the people of wisconsin rejected the frontrunners. on the democratic side, the the winner was-- and just hold on, let me brace miedz for your reaction. bernie sanders. ( cheers and applause )

i'll keep those handy in case there's a story about one direction reuniting to give out free pot. and last night, bernie fired up the crowd with his victory speech. >> i think the people of this country are ready for a political revolution. yes, we can. yes, we can. >> stephen: yes we can... steal slogans from barack obama. ( laughter ) unless that actually is barack obama and he's aged even more than i thought. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but the big news-- the big news last night was on the republican side. ted cruz won. it was a huge upset, because even if you voted for ted cruz, you're still pretty upset about it.

of course, the even bigger news donald trump lost. ( cheers and applause ) analysts say he lost because of... things he's said and done. ( laughter ) also-- and this is just as important-- things he hasn't said. many people out there complain that trump tends to talk big but never comes up with specific proposals. well, on monday, trump put that criticism to bed by finally giving republican voters concrete examples of government agencies he would eliminate. >> would you eliminate any departments? >> oh, absolutely. department of environmental. i mean, the dep is killing us environmentally. it's just killing our businesses. >> stephen: yes, absolutely. trump promised to kill the wasteful department of environmental, the d.e.p. even the abbreviation is wasteful.

because that "p" doesn't stand for anything. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, we looked it up, and the department of environmental does not exist, meaning trump is either talking out of his ass, or he's already eliminated it. that's very impressive. and you know it's just a matter of time before trump eliminates all the other wasteful departments we don't need because they don't exist, big government programs like the federal bureau of moneying. the department for the farms. the bureau of birds and foxes. the environmental erection agency. ( laughter ) the u.s. steak department. the department of the inferior. the u.s. ghost guard.

the department of justins. the united states mint chocolate chip. and the department of health and human centipedes. we'll be right back with sam rockwell and anna kendrick. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) the bud light party believes in change. that's why bud light has a new look... and we want to share it with everyone... from our national parks... to our furthest shores... jackpot! to your living room. look under your seats! [squeals of delight] still the same refreshing bud light. with a new look. ♪

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody. my first guests star in the new romantic action-comedy, "mr. right." >> is this my dad? >> just unconscious. i'm really sorry. >> okay. >> do you have any-- you have a bath tub, right? >> hey, i'm not sure, um, that you should be here. because i don't upon, i feel really confused. and, like, we should probably take a break. >> what-- a break?

okay. >> okay. >> stephen: please welcome anna kendrick and sam rockwell. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> hey, hey. >> stephen: hey, nice to see you. >> i i'm back already. i couldn't stay away. >> stephen: it was monthses ago. >> it feels like yesterday. >> stephen: it was pretty dreamy. it was really nice to have you. sam, very high bar, very high bar for you. she was an excellent guest. >> you guys sang. >> stephen: yes, we did. do you sing? >> i do not sing. maybe a crooner, but not really. >> i don't know, sam is very modest. he says he doesn't do lots of things and then it turns out he

ask does. >> in the shower, maybe. >> stephen: "mr. right," as we were saying before, is a bit of an unusual combination. as i said before, an action-comedy. it's like a rom-com, with a high body count. >> that's right. >> stephen: what attracted each one of you the most, the meat cute or the bang-bang? >> both. >> i liked both. i wanted to work with sam. i've wanted to work with sam for a long time. and, yeah, i liked that it was some flirty-flirty, but then there's some casual killing. i think that's good. ( laughter ). >> stephen: yeah, yeah. do you sing in the movie? >> i don't sing in the movie. >> stephen: do you dance in the movie? i know you dance. >> i do dance. i do several hoofing moments. split. some fighting dancing. >> stephen: you dance in every movie, right? >> i do. i'm a dancing whore. yeah. in every movie ( laughter ). >> stephen: is it a deal, "i have to be able to dance in the movie before i do the movie?" >> yes, yes, it is. >> stephen: is it contractual

or a handshake thing? >> it's kind of a verbal agreement, i guess you could say. there's a little bit of a dance handshake. >> but doesn't your better half try to get you to not dance in a movie. she thinks you can't get through a movie without dancing. >> that's right, my girlfriend makes fun of me. >> we did an improv movying it and the director said, "just have fun. just dance." sam said, "i can't dance. she wins." >> dancing in everything and it was too much. she was making fun of me. >> stephen: what does it do for you? why do you dance? >> he just looks so great. >> i like to express myself physically. i think it's an homage to chris walken. i don't know. >> stephen: if i ever see you in a movie and you don't dance, i'll say he's being held hostage. is it a signal? >> that's exactly right. >> stephen: this movie, i wish we showed a little bit more of that, you make out significantly. and vigorously. >> yup. >> stephen: in that keep. >> yeah, we do. >> stephen: is that-- no one's

ever asked me to do that on camera before. >> what do you mean! >> stephen: i've never been paid to, like, do a love scene or a makeout scene on camera. >> i heard jeff daniels and helen mirren kissed. >> stephen: helin mirren did kiss me quite tenderly on the show, and it's the first time anybody kissed me passionately since i got married 25 years ago anand it was great, but that's . as a working actor or actress, when you see, "oh, yeah, i'm going to make out with this person," is that good or is it like, "oh, no, not that again?" >> when you're just reading the script, you don't know the person so you don't know what you're getting into. >> stephen: you don't know who the other person will be? >> you just don't know what they're like, you know. >> stephen: you know what they look like, though? >> a good actor, but i think we've both ben bn in situation where's we think this is going to be great. and after a month of working with them you're like, "i have to kiss this ( bleep ).

here we go." >> that can happen. >> stephen: sometimes you're like, "oh, yeah, anna kendrick, that's good." or you're like, "i'll be a professional about this." what about the fighting? >> fighting is fun. you know, we have stupt double s. >> stephen: oh, really. >> a very good stunt team we had a very short amount of time. >> stephen: you don't do your own stunts? >> a little bit. we did a little bit, but we had some good stunt people, yeah. we did a lot of moving around. >> we did see one stunt guy get hurt which was, like, this is why we don't do that. >> exactly. >> stephen: did you hurt this person? >> they are-- >> he oversold an elbow. i gave an elbow, and he oversold it and hit this lead pipe and eight stitches later. >> stephen: he hurt himself. >> he hurt himself. he oversold the punch. >> stephen: just the threat of an elbow from sam rockwell, and a man hurt himself. >> he was going for the first day. >> stephen: i heard you punched somebody in the face. >> well, hey, hey. true, and yet-- >> it was an accident, right? >> it was an descent. >> stephen: sounds like i struck a nerve.

>> it was this part where i'm not looking, i'm looking over here and i throw a punch over here. and the actor-- because it wasn't a stunt guy. it was one of the actors, and he knot, like air, little too close for me and i ended up smacking him. and, you know, these big guys they gotta just walk it off. no matter how-- like, no matter what condition you're in, you've got to be like, "i mean, this five foot woman just hit me. i'm obviously fine. "i felt really bad. but he had to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. >> stephen: is it like dancing? is fighting like dancing? >> i think it is like dancing. the choreography, the box ago mohammed ali, a great dancer. >> stephen: i did not know. i know he float like a butterfly. >> floated like a butterfly. he did the polka, and all kinds of things. >> is that true? >> ooik maiming things up. >> sam! i'm so gullible. >> stephen: that's a good actor. i totally believed that. i understand you're writing a book based on your twitter feed?

>> based on my twitter feed. >> stephen: that's what i heard. what's it base on? >> it's based on whatever i want it to be based on. my twitter feed, that would be the shortest book of all time. >> stephen: you could include more than one tweet. >> well, i think i was approached to write a book because of twitter and i wrote a piece for "vogue" last year, and they were like, "i think you could write a book." and i was like, "i think you're probably wrong, but if you want to see what happens it's your funeral." >> stephen: how is it going? >> i think it's going well. >> stephen: have you written anything yet? >> there have been stories-- there have been stories that i submitted and i was like, "i think this one might just be funny to me." and my editor was like, "you're right, it's jut funny to you." >> stephen: good luck with the movie. "mr. right" opens. >> it opens friday? >> i never know. >> stephen: like right over there. it says right there. "mr. right" is in theaters and

on and demand-- wait, one second. "mr. right" is in theaters and on demand this friday. >> are we on tv right now. >> stephen: we'll be right back no, they turned the cameras off a long time ago. >> thank god. >> stephen: anna, nna, sam, thank you so much. we'll be right back. ♪ i'm gonna have some fun! ♪ ♪ what what what what! ♪ what do you consider fun? ♪ fun, natural fun! ♪ yea yea. wwhen systems can help sense your surroundings. and when cameras change your perspective. that's the more human side of engineering. experience what a lincoln can do for you at the lincoln spring collection event. your choice of the lincoln mkc or mkz for $289 a month,

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is an actor you know from the tv series "the x-files" and "californication." he has now written a new novel. please welcome david duchovny! ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you.

>> stephen: nice to see you. >> i just wanted to bring you a little-- just a memory in glass, really, a commemoration of the first time that we met. i don't know if you remember it. but-- do you remember that? do you remember that moment? >> stephen: we met backstage 20 minute ago, something like that, for the first time? ( laughter ) and i said, "can i get a picture with you?" and now he has it framed. i'll never-- is this for me? ( cheers and applause ) is this for me? i can have this? >> well, the truth is that stephen and his people were kind enough to give this to me as i was waiting backstage. >> stephen: every guest that comes on we take a photograph and give-- >> has anybody ever given you one? one. >> stephen: the first lady gave me hers. we gave her one and she gave one back. >> so you don't want -- >> i definitely want this one. what i want is i want to you sign it. would i sign it, please, a little memory? >> sure.

>> stephen: i have confidence in you signing it because you're a writer. you have a new book. a novel called "bucky (bleep) dent." which will be bleepped and also blurred by cbs. you definitely came on the right network to push this one, my friend. >> the tiffany network. >> stephen: i don't-- automatically-- i'm a fan, but i don't automatically associate you with writing books. i associate with you tv. >> writein' books. there's no "g" on the writing there. >> stephen: olympic, brevity equals wit. >> well, for the this book, i think it's a first amendment issue the title of this book, actually. when fsg were talking about the book coming out they were like it's going to be difficult for people to search-- and it's all about the search, google and all that stuff. how are we going to search -- >> people going to buy their book on line. >> how am i going to search "bucky (bleep) dent." it's never going doob out as can "bucky (bleep) dent." do you have alternative titles?

and i said, sure, how about "eat, pray, love ( bleep ) buckey dent." >> stephen: they didn't go for that? >> they didn't go for that. >> stephen: did you think of pointing out to them you know how many times people goog elg the word ( bleep ) right? >> i did not point that out. >> we almost went with "50 shades of ( bleep ) department" because there was a precedent there. but they didn't go with any of them so we're stuck with this ( bleep ) title right here. which you can't say or show. >> stephen: you can't say or show. >> so good luck, dave, selling those books. >> stephen: is this isn't the first book you've written. you also wrote a book about a cow. >> holy ( bleep ) cow. >> stephen: no, not really. not really. it doesn't have that word in it. >> "holy cow." >> stephen: "holy cow." >> it is interesting it's also an expletive. >> stephen: it is, a little gentler. >> a little gentler. both my titles could have

exclamation points at the end of them-- does this? no it doesn't you can't even show the side. there's "buckey ( bleep ) dent" on the side. >> stephen: the entire interview is going to be ( bleep ). what i did not know-- i like actors. >> do you. >> stephen: i like actors a lot. i wouldn't date one. >> you're in the minority. >> stephen: i wouldn't date an actor because i was one for many years. >> i thought the photographs a first step. >> stephen: this here? i like you, and i like you even more because you wrote a book. this is very impressive. >> so what are you saying about actors. >> stephen: what i'm saying about actors, although they're very talented, a lot of actors i meet travel light up here. not a whole lot. they keep it light so they can pour character's life in there. >> let me give you another explanation. they like to live in the moment. it's all about being live in the

moment. to live in the moment, you have to forget all the other moment s. >> stephen: okay. >> and some of those moments are things that you read. ( laughter ). >> stephen: that's true, always cleansing, always cleansing, always purnling. >> always staying in the present. >> stephen: but you're a highly educated man. >> it's been a great detriment as an actor. >> stephen: tell the people-- tell the people where you went to school. tell the people where you went to school. ready? >> do i have to tell them. >> stephen: you don't have to. >> i went to princeton -- >> and then for your graduate work you went to? >> i can hold that pen? >> stephen: sure. >> okay. yale. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: he sell me on reading because i love tv. i'm on tv. i watch tv. aren't tvs the modern novels. dickens wrote serialized, victor hugo wrote serialized. what's going to happen to

dorothy this week. >> it's true. >> stephen, of course, it's true. i can't say it on air if it's not true. >> i'm just having a conversation. >> stephen: i understand, i understand. >> when the novel first gained ascendancy as an art form it was considered to be bad for people as well. it was considered to be too common. >> stephen: what was bad about it? sensational? >> yes, and it wasn't about kings and queens. it was about regular people. the novel was the first real democratic, you know, work of art. and it was considered to be-- it was going to affect the morals of people. and so it was much like tv is now. and it's funny, when i mentioned this-- when my kids-- they're on the computer all day-- and my-- my parents used to always tell me to read, right. "go read a book." i'd say, "i'm bored." "go read a book." my kids are on the computer, and i say, "turn that computer off and watch some tv." damn it. >> stephen: "bucky (bleep) dent"-- >> do you have to keep saying that. >> stephen: tell the people where the title come comes come.

>> my ( bleep ) head. >> stephen: you heard-- you heard people. ( cheers and applause ) >> yes well the truth is buckey dent, you know, the man -- >> for those who don't know. >> for those who don't know-- thank you. in 1978, the yankees came from behind to beat the ret redsox in a one-game play-off, and buckey dent who had hit three home runs all year, hit the home run to beat the red sox who hadn't won a pennant in 1918, and they won one in 2004, finally. but this was 1978. and i was at teya's family home in massachusetts and there were a couple of guys working up on the roof, and i just heard wafting on the air, the summer breeze, i heard somebody say "buckey ( bleep ) dent." and coming from new york i had never heard that. i was from new york, because he was a hero here. and everything else in new england he was buckey ( bleep ) dent. he killed their dreams and

hopes. and bill buckner was the other one. apparently, and it's still true to this day, anywhere in new england you go-- and i hate to use the word again, but it is -- >> title. >> buckey ( bleep ) dent. >> stephen: what i like about it is one of the characters in there-- and i won't say at what point-- says to his son, "god bless buckey ( bleep ) dent." >> yes, it's a very sentimental book. it's very funny and a sentimental book. it's not about baseball. >> stephen: he says that because buckey ( bleep ) dent taught them that they're losers, reminds them that they're losers. >> it's about loving the losers, because we're all losers, you know,. >> stephen: right, we all lose eventually. >> we all lose a lot more than we win in this life. >> stephen: and as much as we might want it to be our life is not necessarily a series of victories. ( laughter ) no, you do, you want it to be? >> is that right. >> stephen: you want it to be a series of victories. >> do you? do you want it to be. >> stephen: nobody wants to walk into a punch. >> but you're going to live a different life and i think a more human and fulfilled life if

you know that, you know, a great percentage of the time are you going to get hit. >> stephen: absolutely. and you have to acknowledge that. >> i think we're under the impression that people only want to hear about winners. we have such a culture of, you know, it's all about winning and i'm a warrior -- >> you're going to win so much you're going to be tired of winning. ( laughter ). >> exactly. >> stephen: exactly. >> exactly. >> stephen: you're going to get tired of it. >> yeah. so i feel like if you come with a philosophy that acknowledges losing, you're-- you get called some kind of a defeatist or something like that. when i think it's being a humanist. ( applause ) >> stephen: "bucky (bleep) dent" is available in bookstores and online. kirsten dunst, everybody. we'll be right back.

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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. for those of you keeping score at home, i just got the official count. the interview with david duchovny has to be bleepped 18 times, 18. those of you who hadoon in the ( bleep ) pool, congratulations. it's 19 now, of course. as you know, i don't do this show alone. i've got a lot of great writers and producers and crew members

right here in the theater. they do the show with me. but i don't always have time to meet with everybody during the day, so sometimes i have to have my meetings right here on the show. and it's time for another one. please welcome my actual supervising producer, liz levin come on out. say hi to liz, everybody hey. >> hi. >> stephen: what's up? good to see you. >> it's good to see you. >> stephen: all right, all right. for the people out there, besides a supervising producer you are what's called a segment producer. what do you need ton from me? >> sometimes what happens is we get very excited about an idea. >> stephen: right, and projects get launched that have props, and other things that don't actually then get used. and one of the things i'm responsible for is keeping account of how much money we spend. >> stephen: right, right. >> and so sometimes -- >> because we buy more than we need. >> indeed, and that has to be accounted for. >> stephen: okay. >> so i was going to run some

things by you that didn't get used. >> stephen: let's do it. what is it? >> so this is a giant adult tricycle. ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay, this is a giant adult tricycle. there's nothing to scale but this is a man-sized tricycle here. >> it's very big. >> stephen: a man-sized tricycle. i do remember-- i do remember buying this. >> so you approved this. >> stephen: i did approve this. >> and what was it for. >> stephen: what was it for? well, someone said to me, "i can get you a man-sized tricycle." and i said, "i'm sure we'll think of something funny to do with it." oh, i know what it was! someone had given me a sweater that the same sweater that danny wears in "the shining" and it's got apollo rocket on it, and i said i'll be danny from "the shining" riding around offices and we'll have blood pouring out and that seemed messy so we

never did it. how much did that cost? $325. $325. okay, what else, what else have we got? show me that. give me that. >> you want this one. >> stephen: see, i got this sweater. i got this sweater for christmas. and i thought it would be fun to ride on this tricycle in that sweater. didn't happen. >> it didn't happen so this is-- we have a-- this is a human corn hybrid costume. ( laughter ). >> stephen: never been used. >> so who approved that? >> stephen: i approved this. >> and what was that for? >> stephen: that was-- hold on. this was i think during the iowa caucus i was going to interview-- am i correct-- i was going to interview somebody-- i was going to interview an ear of corn. >> yeah. >> stephen: that had been genetically modified by monsanto to be half-human, half-corn. >> it's a great idea. >> stephen: ask it who it was voting for in the caucus and it just kept screaming, "kill me, kill me."

did i get it right. >> i think you got it right. >> stephen: we never used it. how much? $560. got it. what else have we got? >> we have life-sized action figures. >> stephen: these are actually like eight feet tall action figure boxes. one says j.j. abrams. one says harrison ford. because we were going to have j.j. abrams and harrison ford lie inside of them as if they were action figures? >> right. on the green screen and a little girl comes out. >> stephen: a little girl comes out and opens themmum lieb it's christmas morning and she's going to say, "it's a han solo action figure." and harrison ford was going to go, "actually, it's a harrison ford action figure. i've done more than han solo." and "creator felift." >> so then -- >> harrison ford's says, "as seen in "working girl." okay, these were funny, these were funny.

but we never did it. how much did that cost? ( bleep ). >> that was. >> stephen: i'm not sure i want to say that out loud. >> this is actually a little bit of a good example of sometimes we have the same goal. >> stephen: yeah. >> we want to do really funny stuff. >> stephen: the best we can do. >> exactly right. but i also have to think of what's humanly possible to achieve. ( laughter ) and that doesn't necessarily factor in for you quite as much always. >> stephen: no, it doesn't. i generally don't care about that. >> not quite-- not necessarily quite as much as the rest of the people. >> stephen: right, right. >> so the day before we were going to shoot with harrison ford and j.j. abrams you actually came up with a more complicated concept that had six different camera setups and four wardrobe changes, one of which included -- because you were going to carry harrison ford around on your back like upper a ton-ton. >> stephen: i was a ton-ton. so we made a blue screen suit with the ping-pong balls on it.

>> and ton-ton you in later. >> stephen: and we were going to put the ton-ton in later. >> we made two of those. there was one for harrison. >> stephen: we were going to have harrison ford wear one of these? >> something about recreating the credo bar scene. >> stephen: something like that. i don't know. i'm so surprised he didn't want to do that. so this is the total, this is the total. oh, wow. and you had two of those. those are expensive and we had to do two of those. >> right. >> stephen: okay, so what? ( laughter ). >> well, so, i mean, i think it would be nice if we had a solution and could use all these -- >> i understand. okay, all right. you're the one who has to justify it not me. >> yes, of course. i have to go back and explain where all this money is going. >> stephen: to the money people why you spent that much money with nothing to show for it. >> not a lot. >> stephen: okay, i want to help you out. something has been prepared backstage to get you out of a ditch here. so right now, evidently, we're going to seamlessly

integrate all of them into our first installment of "the late show unused prop theatre." ( cheers and applause ) >> episode one, an historical reenactment of the pilgrims landing on plymouth rock. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> behold, fellow pilgrims, plymouth rock. there we will find religous freedom. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> welcome to the new world, friend. >> good day, pocahantus. i am corn. or as you call me, maize. ( cheers and applause )

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here to perform "soft scene" from their first new album in six years. ladies and gentlemen, autolux! ♪ >> ♪ cheer up tune it out ♪ take your mask off have a shot ♪ are you a sick kid or a trick ♪ it's gonna mess you up ♪ gone missing for a thrill ♪ kind of miss how it feels ♪ are you an angel or a flea get back ♪ it's blinding ♪

>> ♪ kick it off shake the ground ♪ blow our brains up make it loud ♪ you'll be so free ♪ but not enough for me ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ stop with that soft scene that hip infection ♪ stop with that soft scene ♪ ♪ >> ♪ cheer up tune it out ♪ gone missing

kind of miss how it feels ♪ are you an angel or a flea get back ♪ get back ♪ stop with that soft scene that hip infection ♪ stop with that soft scene we don't need you any more ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) autolux's new album is available now! we'll be right back, everybody.

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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be mindy kaling, tituss burgess, and ken burns. stay tuned for james corden. good night! >> reggie: ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight ♪ it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way from ju arez,