tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS April 21, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ all by myself >> "dear diary, nobody likes me here. i'm all alone. tiffany trump turned down my marriage proposal so now i'll be the son-in-law. maybe i'll run away from the white house. that will show him." ( knock on door ). >> what do you want! >> it's jared. >> i hate your stupid face. >> my father-in-law wants us to work this out. >> go away or i'll dissolve you in a bath tub full of acid! >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes rosario dawson renee elise goldsberry
and special guest sigourney weaver. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thanks, everybody! >> jon: hey! >> stephen: hey, jon, good to see you. sorry. >> jon: no, no, no. >> stephen: thanks so much. listen to that. that, that right there, that's a-- that's a friday crowd right there. >> jon: that's right. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: every week it's the best crowd of the week. it's incredible. folks, welcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert.
( cheers and applause ) because it is friday, i don't know what your brunch plans are this weekend, but if you're looking for something refreshing as things get warm out there, starbucks has introduced a new drink called the unicorn frappuccino because the name "sugary affront to god" was taken. ( laughter ) i have no idea how many unicorns they're grinding up for these things, but i'm guessing peta is furious. >> jon: they're mad. >> stephen: according to the press release, dlnd it's "made with a sweet dusting of pink powder blended into a creème frappuccino with mango syrup and layered with a pleasantly-sour blue powder topping." that's it. that's all you need. that's all your foot groups right there. mango, pink, blue, and obviously, topping. the f.d.a. recommends three of at least three serving of topping a day. it's the food pyramid, all
toppings up there. now, this was starbucks' attempt to take over social media, they say, with a drink that's made to be instagramed. it's true-- it's their most instagrammable drink since the starbucks. "cat-accino." so people are loving the unicorn fraech. is it really popular? people are talkin talking about, right? so i wanted to know how it tastes, so live, live on tv. there you go. yeah. that's a color i can only describe of as "tumor." let's try this. and, here we go, live on air, trying the unicorn frappe. >> oh, i wish i was dead. ( laughter ) tastes like a french kissed tinkerbell.
that's not weird. she's an adult. she's just very small. okay, she's a full-grown fairy. peter pan's the one who won't grow up, all right. take this away before i say something else incriminating. anyway, this is only available until april 23, so, hurry? but after the unicorn frappe, i've been told starbucks is moving on to their new mythological drink: the minotaur macchiato. it will gore your tastebuds and leave them at the center of a terrifying labyrinth of flavor. speaking of terrifying, and labyrinth for that matter all week, i've been bringing you the latest from the trial of conspiracy radio host and furious hardboiled egg, alex jones. ( laughter ) you guys know who he is? you know who alex jones, is "info wars." very popular. donald trump is a big fan.
jones is in a legal battle with his ex-wife, who says he's too unstable to have custody of their children. and to prove it, she's been showing the court videos like this: >> george washington with diarrhea running out of his pants on top that horse marching to kick ass! marching not to give up! taking action! that's who we come from, and we let all these hunchback scum rule us! i will never submit to you! and the human spirit is rising! you will not turn us into animals! ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yes, you can never turn alex into an animal, because he's already a rabid badger. but jones' lawyer defended him, saying that when he says stuff
like that, jones is just playing a character. and, evidently, yesterday jones took the stand and backed that up. reportedly, @realalexjones called out stephen colbert-- in testimony-- that's me. and said, "he was making fun of me the other day, but he doesn't take that home to kids." that is true. i don't take that home. whenever i talk about alex jones, my wife will not let me into the house until i am deloused. she makes me burn my clothes outside before i enter the airlock. you ever see in the "adrom nastrain?" like that. we also learned a bit about how the marriage went wrong. jones told the court that even though his ex-wife was a member of peta, jones likes to eat zebra steaks. "and would you like that rare, or medium rare?" i'd like it extremely rare, endangered, in fact. of course, one of the accusations against him is drug use, which he admitted to,
saying he sometimes smokes marijuana, nearly yearly, "to monitor its strength, which is how law enforcement does it." ( laughter ) yes, everyone remembers that one "law & order" episode per year where the detectives burn down the dank bud, then sit on the couch with a bunch of snacks, and binge-watch "law & order." it's pretty trippy. in fact, it's not just "law & order." it's real. all cops do this. all policemen get stoned once a year. but first they look in the mirror and say, "am i a cop? i gotta tell me if i'm a cop. and again, i feel bad for alex jones here. in the past-- i'm a performer-- and i've been judged for the things i've said while in character, specifically the character of tuck buckford, who is the host of the right-wing radio show "brainfight." >> i gotta tell you
brainfighters, ben franklin had irritable bowel syndrome, just exploding all over that kite in the middle of a rainstorm! but did that stop him? no! it did not! he kept going, okay! and just it went everywhere, okay! and that's how he invented the moist towelet! ( laughter ) now, brain nation, i gotta tell you, old tuck's a bit mellow today because for your safety i have been testing the strength of some of george soros' patented mind-control marijuana. i do it once a year, and then once an hour for a year, just like the brave men and women of the coast guard. ( laughter ) you can really taste the butane. ( laughter ) now, i get a lot of calls saying, "you've accused the tooth fairy of not being real,
but what do we tell our kids?" you tell your kids the truth, okay! tooth fairy's really the c.i.a. coming to our children's rooms at night to collect their d.n.a. off the little molars and the bicuspids to use the d.n.a. to generate artificial cyber sperm that they sell to the witch's coffens who use turkey baifters to inseminate each other to create an army of demon babies to fight our wars! i'm not making this stuff up! i'm imagining it, okay? now, if you've been watching the news, you may have heard from my ex-wife, deb, that i'm a marijuana addict who should not be trusted with my own children. it is not true. i am just loggy from eating all this delicious giraffe meat. and, yes, my wife is an animal lover, and, yes, this is the april the giraffe. but i'm man with teeth, teeth that chew, and a throat that
swallows, and a heart in my chest that beats four to five times a minute because of all the meat i've been chewing. you're dead! i'm alive! you're dead! i'm alive! now, if you'll excuse me, i have to check out some of the crack cocaine the department of justice has been pushing on the muppets on "sesame street." big bird's in on it. snafalopolous isn't real. false flag. let's see how good this crack is. woooo! that is stronger than it was this morning! kids, don't do this stuff, okay? because if you try to take mine, you will draw back a bleed stump! you will fight my brain! my brain has cobra fangs will! you'll be dead in eight seconds. hematoxins!
( laughter ) today's show is brought to you by blue apron, not the food, the led-lined smock that keeps the national park service satellites from photographing your genitals while you sleep so i never sleep! give me that crack! i'm going to put it on my ding dong just like thomas jefferson told us to do in the magna carter! oh, that's good! oh, that's good! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tonight. rosario dawson is here. but when we return, i will offer anique preview of the "aliens" movie with a very special guest. stick around. woman: so this happened. zoe brought over some lime-a-rita's to ava's rooftop and that's when we knew it was going to be one of those nights.
that's elyse busting out her dance move from summer of '08. ( ♪ ) she insists it's her signature move, but we're all pretty good at it. yeah, looks like we're staying here tonight. lime-a-rita. make it a margarita moment. lime-a-rita. ♪ it's league night!? 'saved money on motorcycle insurance with geico! goin' up the country. bowl without me. frank.' i'm going to get nachos. snack bar's closed. gah! ah, ah ah. ♪ ♪ i'm goin' up the country, baby don't you wanna go? ♪
( band playing ) (cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody! give it up! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: right here. >> stephen: jon, i'm pretty excited about rosario dawson coming up here in just a little while. you ever meet her? >> jon: no, i have not. >> stephen: i met her once a long time ago at the rally jon and i had on the mall at washington, d.c., restore sanity. >> jon: i remember that. >> stephen: she was there and i've been a fan for years. she's in all those netflix marvel series. she can do drama. she can do action. she can do it all. she can do it all. you know who else i love? >> jon: who is that. >> stephen: another female actress we have had on the show. sigourney weaver. she has had so many iconic roles:
"ghostbusters," "working girl," and of course, ellen ripley from the "alien" movies. one of the first female action heroes, so inspiring. it gave us hope that at some point in the distant future, women might be allowed to be in charge of something. ( laughter ) of course, there are still new "alien" films coming out. ridley is make something new ones. "alien: covenant" comes out next month. is that what that is? yeah. and ridley scott just announced he's working on even more sequels, creating all sorts of rumors as to whether or not ripley will appear in them in any way. now, i can't confirm whether or not she does, because that'd be a huge spoiler. but i will say that if she did make a cameo, we would have a clip. jim? ( laughter ) ( siren ) >> help me! ( cheers and applause )
help me, please! i need a medic! >> i'll about with you in a minute. ( clears throat ) i'll be with you in a minute, ma'am, okay? i have a whole desk to clean up here. welcome to the waleand bhutanic corporation health clinic where the only thing alien to us is poor customer service. >> the screeno morphs have breached the containment facility. we don't have much time. >> hold on, please. i'm sorry. amelio, amelio, i've told you repeatedly, that if it bleeds white, it's an android, okay? also australia, if it's bleeding at all, you're not doing the eye exam properly. speak up, amigo. i can't hear you over all the screaming. >> look, this is an emergency. >> ma'am, you're going to have to wait your turn. there are patients ahead of you in line.
( laughter ) ( applause ). >> hey, was it was one of those things that put this thing inside of me! >> well, that really sounds like a conversation for your ob/gyn. ( laughter ). >> listen, randroid, you're going to help me right now. you know why? because we're some space, and in space, no one can hear you scream. >> would you like an appointment? ( laughter ) let's put you in the system here, see if we can find you. name, please. >> ripley. ( cheers and applause ) >> i don't have that. ( laughter ) ripley what? >> ellen ripley. >> okay. ( laughter ) i've got nothing. i've got nothing in here. anything more? >> lieutenant first class.
( laughter ) ( sighs ) nothing, it's game over, game over. ( laughter ) i've got nothing. >> the woman who single-handedly saved humanity every five to eight years for the last three decades. ( cheers and applause ) >> oh, my god. oh, my god. you're sarah connor? ( laughter ) >> look, you need to help me right now. i can feel this thing about to burst out of my chest! >> ma'am, we're all having a bad day. all right? i had a burrito for lunch, and i don't want to tell you where that's about to burst out, okay. ( laughter ) i'm just going to put you into the system. let's get your medical history. go! >> all right, let's see. i spent a few years in hypersleep. got attacked by a zinamorph. went back into hypersleep for 57 years. got attacked by a bunch more
zinamorphs. injured in an escape pod crash, nearly killed by zinamorphs, host organism to an alien queen, and killed myself by diving into a giant furnace. >> so, under "preexisting condition," i'm going to put down "dead." ( laughter ) anything else? >> yeah, 200 years later, i was cloned and brought back to life. >> another then for insurance purposes you are your own dependent, okay? ( laughter ) let me just-- let me just print out your file. ( laughter ) >> why are you using that thing? it's the year 2434. >> well, your suspunders are
from the year 1986. ( cheers and applause ) >> oh, my god. i can feel this thing tearing me apart. >> oh! oh! the burrito! the burrito's coming! oh, oh, god, oh! oh! oh! oh! welcome to the wayland utani corporation health clinic. how can i help you? >> hey, listen, you! i was next in line! get away from him, you bitch. >> mint! ( cheers and applause ) cheaper. >> "the assignmentment" starring sigourney weaver is available on demand now. we'll be right back with rosario dawson. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) rthday, sweetie!
oh, millies. trick or treat! we're so glad to have you here. ♪ what if we treated great female scientists like they were stars? ♪ yasss queen! what if millie dresselhaus, the first woman to win the national medal of science in engineering, were as famous as any celebrity? [millie dresselhaus was seen having lunch today...] ♪ [...rumors of the new discovery...] what if we lived in a world like that? (crowd applauding) ♪ we know a place that's already working on it. ♪ what twisted ankle?ask what muscle strain?
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(cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest is an actress and activist you know from "rent," "kids," and every one of marvel's netflix series. please welcome the lovely and talented rosario dawson. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> thanks for having me! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i love that dress. >> thank you. i wore it just for you. >> stephen: it's like you're wearing energy. >> i really wanted it to be purple for prince, so i threw in this surple -- >> stephen: this is the year anniversary, sadly, of his passing. you knew him right? >> yeah, yeah, i did. >> stephen: you were on one of his albums, right?
>> yeah. >> stephen: the remix "1999." >> he did a remix of the album. >> stephen: i never got to meet him unfortunately but i was a big fan. >> did you get to see him perform. >> stephen: no, i was cheated. everyone who worked with him or spent time with him has a prince story like no other story. >> stories. >> stephen: did you go to paisley park. >> stories, been to paisley. it was amazing. >> stephen: can you sure one story? >> i want to share one story because my mom is here backstage because we love you and we're so excited. >> stephen: that's nice. i like her, too, i like her, too. >> the last timey saw you was at your rally. >> stephen: that's right. we met backstage at the rally to restore sanity, and it didn't work. >> no, it didn't, sadly tdid not. he was actually doing a restoration or something like that in pay paisly park so he rented this ridiculous, paleaceous place in l.a. and had the purple rain motorcycle there and the whole thing. >> stephen: the actual within? >> the actual motorcycle. he brought over everything.
it was incredible. he took us on a whole tour, and he was going to perform downstairs. and we were like, "we'll be right down." and he comes up, and he said, "are you coming in? i said i'll be right back, "i'm going to the bathroom. i come out and i hear her say,"you know you're an alien." i said, mom. >> stephen: she said that to prince. >> and people say people like tom crews is an alien or michael jackson. and i'm like mom! and if anybody is an alien it's you. >> stephen: it was a compliment. >> totally is what she was going for. she said i ruined her flow, that she had something better and i sprinted her. we went to see him perform and it was 6:00 in the morning and he made pancakes and my mom says, prince insulted me. and i said what happened. and i was singing in front of him and he said i was his mascot. i said, woman, you called him an alien three times to his face and he performed for you and
made you pancake s. >> stephen: you were on the "1999" remix album. >> yeah. >> stephen: do you play an instrument, what do you-- do whatdo you do? >> no. >> stephen: what do you do on it? >> i did a monologue. he called me and said, "you're the voiceave genovation and i want you to read this monologue. i can't read it." and i was like okay. it's a really intense monologue. it was really remarkable, and it would have gone off better if i had been able to play an instrument and he asked me to at paisley park, and i didn't do it well. i was disappointed that he was disappointed. >> stephen: did you play drums for him? >> he got me to and it was really bad. >> stephen: do you think he was just getting you back for what your mom said? >> no, this was before! >> stephen: oh, it's before. >> "because he's an alien." >> stephen: i'm a big fan of eric andre. i really like his show. and i know that you guys are dating. >> yeah. we-- when i came on your show, right after we had met at the d.n.c.
>> stephen: okay. so you guys announced that you were dating, and people did not believe you. you actually had to put out photos proving that you two were a couple. i'm guessing he's the one who should feel insulted here. >> oh! >> stephen: because how did he take it? >> no, he-- he's used to it. how he took it was he started posting more pictures of, like, our tongues touching and stuff, like personal pictures. and i'm like, dude-- i told him chance the rapper had texted me to be like-- yeah, i'm seeing all these pictures on line. it's not for real, right? and i'm like, "yeah, that's my man." "no." and eric got all right, "i have to prove it." i said, "you're such a millennial. you don't post tongue pictures. i will be 38 next month. come on." >> stephen: you're rob, the cable. >> a smidge. >> stephen: how old? >> he just turned 34. >> stephen: four years. >> we're three years right now. >> stephen: yeah, but men don't live as long.
( laughter ) they don't, they don't. ( applause ) they don't. no. no. >> i don't like this. >> stephen: i'm sorry. >> he meditates, though. he's got me meditating, you know. he's really healthy. >> stephen: like serious meditation, like cons straighting on your breathing or like ohm? >> no, really on top of it. when we met we were dating for a while and i had a ruptured cyst on my overry, and he took care of me in an adult diaper. that is love. >> stephen: that is love. it's all downhill from there. >> and he's got me meditating and journaling and doing all this amazing stuff. he is actually quite healthy. you would never know. he's got me taking care of myself. >> stephen: as i said, i was saying to jon before you came out here, you're in all of the marvel netflix series. you're the one character that links all of them. you are nurse claire temp. daredevil, jessica jones, luke cage, iron fist, and this august
you're in the defenders. >> with sigourney. wooo-wooo! >> stephen: right now-- you're a nurse. are you eventually going to manifest a superpower because you're in all of the superpower shows. >> right. >> stephen: what is going to be your deer dool? do you know yet? >> it's funny, when i first got offered this role that's exactly what i asked. i'm like marvel called me to do something. this is going to be great. we want you to play-- and i'm waiting for something magical, i'll be able to fly. and they're like nurse! and i said great i'll be able to wear rubber gloves and be covered in fake blood. i get bit by radioactive spiders at some point? something has to happen. my superpowers is being an awesome person with great resources and uses them. that's a real hero and her owen. thank you to our nurses and our doctors ( applause ). >> stephen: the new movie is called "unforgettable." >> yes. >> stephen: and in this you do a little bit of fighting. >> a smidge.
>> stephen: and katherine heigl is in there. what is the story of this? we have a clip. do you know what the clip is? can you set this up. >> i play a woman, julia think , and has fallen in love, and everything is going really well except the first marriage is not apparently over for his ex. we're going to see here where she's been gas lighting me for a while and i'm not going to take it anymore and i stand up to her which is really funny because in this clip i was standing up to her because i'm on the steps-- if you watch the movie because the clip cuts out-- i step down and i'm shorter than her and i don't seem as threatening. i think they cut it right after so i look really tough. >> why are you doing this? >> i don't know what you mean. >> yes, you do. hey, this is really difficult for everyone but it doesn't actually have to be this hard. >> i'm not doing anything, julia. i am simply living my life with my family. if you are having a hard time, i
suggest you look in the mirror. >> no. i know exactly what it is that you are trying to do. and i am not going to let you put lily in the middle of this any more. >> are you threatening me? >> yes. >> oh! >> stephen: does it go down? >> and then i step down and then it goes leak this. >> stephen: you eventually fight, right? >> yeah, it was pretty fun. >> stephen: i know one of the reasons you were at the rally jon and i did seven years ago now, believe it or not, is that you're very politically active. you are in the parlance of the millennials you're wowx. i've been told that's the right thing to say. what are you working on right now? are you involved in any action, as we say in the streets? >> yeah, i mean, i'm-- i'm on the border of lower side girls club here and v-day. american ferrera, i will harness
my energy, an organization that has a bunch of different things you can go and support. today was a day of silence. hundreds of thousands of kids all across the nation have been standing up for l.g.b.t.q. students and talk about the silence we have around bullying and how dangerous that is. so i'm really excited for that. hundreds of thousands of kids came out today. and as much as people i'm talking to are depressed and upset, when you start talking to these kids, they're like, "i don't have time to be depressed. like, this is my future, and i'm going to create it." and i love that this generation that is coming up is accepting, not tolerant, and they're going full force and they need our support 100%. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> stephen: lovely seeing you again. let's not make it another seven years, please. "unforgettable" is in theaters now. rosario dawson, everybody! we'll be right back with renee elise goldsberry.
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"the late show," everybody. ladies and gentlemen, my next guest won a well-deserved tony for her performance as angelica skyler in "hamilton." she now stars in "the immortal. life of henrietta lacks." please welcome renee elise goldsberry! ♪ ♪ ( applause ). >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: hey. >> a little beethoven for you there. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: they're very good. >> they are very good. >> stephen: speak of very good, i mean, as i said, well-deserved tony for playing angelica skyler in "hamilton." >> thank you. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: i said lin and other cast members who have been on here before, people must have said this to you. at the end of that show you would just say to yourself, "why
am i crying alexander hamilton again?" but you would. the show was such a tremendous gift as was your performance. >> thank you. >> stephen: now that you have moved behind it, what is post-"hamilton" life like? do you wait for life to slield into sweeping melodies or rap lyrics everywhere you go? >> every chance i get i'm rapping and rhyming. every chance, i hear music in the air. >> stephen: people must come up to you and sing the songs. >> they do, and i love that, most of the time. i actually-- the best part of about it is so many children know every single word of this. it's always show and tell when you meet different kids. i'll actually put them on my instagram when i can. it's actually good for you. how often do you memorize something that actually is relevant, and it's something that you want your children to have memorized. that doesn't happen very often, so that makes me happy. >> stephen: you are henrietta lacks in the "the immortal life
of henrietta lacks." and it was a book i believe came out 2008 the book came out? it's a-- it's a brilliant story of an extraordinary woman's life and how it has changed all of our lives. you can explain to the people out there who henrietta lacks is, other than her contribution to science. >> absolutely. and it's important to know. it's like "hamilton." it's another story that no one knows and it impacts us all. henrietta lacks was an african american woman who died in 1951 of cervical cancer. but most importantly, she was a woman that loved to paint her nails. she was a woman that loved to dance. she was a woman that was a mother with five children. and somebody-- they biopsied her-- they took her cell, and it was the first cell that was able to live outside of the body, so it is responsible for the polio vaccine, the hiv cocktail. everything we know about cells-- what we learned about d.n.a.
it's-- maybe it will save us from the zika virus at some point. >> stephen: so many cells, normally when they're harvested from someone and they try to propagate it for na sliewtion or petri dish fir lack of a better word they die out. but henrietta lacks' cells keep going until this day. >> exactly. that's why we call thim immortal. her family was not aware that happened until they came back to their home to do more research on them. it brings up issues of consent. it brings up issues of ethics, donors, anyway, with any kind of tissue. it's really numberable the story. but most beautiful thing about it is how a cancer cell could save the world and really the search of the children to find out who their mother was. if you can imagine how crazy it would be if your mother died when you were so young, and yet you know somehow that she's everywhere, but you don't know
anything about her. >> stephen: that is an extraordinary thing is that she-- she's not just, like, remembered by her family and the contribution that the research on her cells have given to medicine. but she is still being propagated. these cells are still being propagated around the world. so she is all around us. >> she is all around us. >> stephen: did you feel that when you were making the movie giabsolutely do. anything exwt anything would happen. oprah winfrey was in the movie and she herself would say, "there's henrietta." if it was raining hard or crazy, we felt she was there. it felt as though this was the time for the story to be told and i felt her presence all the tile. it was really, really beautiful. it gave me the courage to play her. >> stephen: well, we have a clip right here. i think this is when you're telling your friends, back in 1951, that you have cancer, and explain to them what you hope for your own children. jim. >> i got something inside of me. >> hennie, please don't tell me
you have another baby with that man. >> oh, gladys. what kind of thing. >> cancer. >> oh, no. >> you gotta promise me, make sure nothing bad happen to my children. especially my baby girl. i want to braid her hair. dress her up real pretty. teach her how to paint her nails and handle men. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. i have to tell you-- thank you. i don't think they had-- i think i saw a cut of the movie for the first time on an editor's bay a long time ago, so the first time
i really saw the movie was at the premiere last night. and i was so embarrassed because i was weeping so hard-- not at my own performance. i was weeping watching oprah's performance. i was weeping watching rose byrne's performance. i was weeping watching all-- i felt like all of my children in this movie. and i just had to run out of the room and hide in the bathroom because i think it's a little obnoxious if someone's premiere is over and they walk out like, "oh, my god! that was amazing!" so it was a bit embarrassing but it's such a beautiful film and i'm so excited that it's in the world. >> stephen: well, congratulations, and thank you so much for being here. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: it was lovely to meet you. "the immortal life of henrietta lacks" premieres tomorrow on hbo. renee elise goldsberry! we'll be right back with moshe kasher.
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we asked people to write down the things they love to do most on these balloons. travel with my daughter. roller derby. ♪ now give up half of 'em. do i have to? this is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. but, if we start saving even just 1% more of our annual income... we could keep doing all the things we love. prudential. bring your challenges. ( band playing ) (cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back,
everybody. my next guest is a stand-up comedian with a new talk show called "problematic." please welcome, moshe kasher!" ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: thanks for coming on. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: well, a new talk show on comedy central. >> you wouldn't know about that. >> stephen: how is everybody over there. >> it's good, i'm good. i finally figured out the "block" feature on twitter. >> stephen: are you being attacked? >> i'm not being attacked but i preempted it. i found a new feature and you can go in and block specific phrases. did you know that? >> stephen: no. >> all these phrases i knew they'd come at me with "jew, big (bleep) perfect hair." they can't get to me. >> stephen: i haven't blocked those yet. >> no, you don't have to. ( laughter ) >> stephen: starting a new--
very well. starting a new show, i've started a couple of new shows in my day. it can be chaotic. do you guys have everything nailed down yet? >> we have-- we are dealing with controlled chaos. just by the premise of the show. we're trying to talk to people that wouldn't normally get along. we're trying to have-- you have done this really well on this show. we're trying to have real conversations but we deal with rare, chaotic creatures. next week's episode is about islam. not the one this week but next week. we wanted to get people from outside the liberal world to ask real pointed questions to a panel of muslim friends of mine we invited on, and we went on this website four chan-- i see there are chaners in the house. >> stephen: that is a dark, dark place. >> we said, "please submit any questions." we're going to get rid of hate speech, of course. when we went into the email address we gave them, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of just gay reality porn subscriptions were in there. ( laughter ) and i was like you know the adult in me was like, "that's
awful." and the comedian in me was like, "that's awesome." and then there's a third part of me that was like, "i need a little bit of time in my dressing room." ( laughter ). >> stephen: why is it called "problematic." >> problematic is a term people throw at people when they say something that is offensive. basically i think whats that happened-- i have been thinking about the phrase in the big book of alcoholics anonymous-- as i always bring up when i'm on the show. get help, stephen. to admit that others were wrong was as far as most us ever got, right. and i feel like that is the primary interactor we're dealing with right now. everybody says, "you're wrong," and then that's the end of the conversation. by the way, i'm a liberal, and we're the worst at it. liberals are the worst. we do this thing and talk about-- the way we talk about right-wing voters is so country. these backcountry, hillbilly, banjo-playing, moonshine swilling, cousin-humping morons, why don't they vote with us?
it's like, "uh, they could hear you." ( laughter ). >> stephen: what are you wrong about? what is problematic about you? do you admit to your own problem atissity. it's a word. it's a word. >> what's the most problematic thing about me? i have identity issues. i came from a weird background. my parents are both deaf, they're super into hip-hop. my mom growing up, strong deaf woman, great deaf woman. i'm from oakland, california, broop. i've been doing that for a long time but it makes less sense with gentrification. now it's, "i'm from oakland. latte." i'm very funny. but i will say this, growing up in oakland, i listened to the soundtrack of "oakland." i had an identity crisis growing up. people like snoop dogg, e-40.
that was the soundtrack of my life. and if you are going to be eight and nine years old listening to gangsta rap, it's definitely helpful to have a deaf mother. my mom would just be happily driving us to school as we're blaring snoop dogg. ♪ hos and trick." my mom was like, "i love this. i can feel the bass." we love it, too, be-atch. we couldn't say that. >> stephen: good luck with the talk show on comedy central. it's a lovely place to work. "problematic" airs tuesdays on
the "late show," everybody! join us next week when i'll be talking to tom hanks, john legend, and l.l. cool j. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from jackson hole, wyoming, give it up for the one,