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and it's kind of like a,h-- the remnants of the past somehow can be detected by seeing what is going on in somebody physically as well as their current emotionality. here therapist alan cohen works th deb as well as their current what are you aware of in your legsightow? it's kind of like ey're clutching. they'rhoing their ground ok. now, if you were to let youlegs speak, rather than "they," "i"... uh-huh. speak as your legs all rit. i'not too sure about this. wait ainute. not one more inch. let's see where we're going here. ok. eat. a tool cald the empty chair technique helps clients find within themselves
the influence of key people who have contributed to theirersonality and experience. so, for example, if someone is telling me about their moth and complaining to me about their moer, i might ha them visualize this mother in the chair tting opsite them and complain to the mother and heighten the expience omplai. see ifou can pay atntion to what feeling goes along witthat. the fear comes up again. fear? mm-h. ok ou're going to squash me," is theling that comes along thhat. ok. who's the "you"? who's ing to squash you? mom, you're ing to squash me. ok, so n we ha a dialogue with mom. mm-hmm. , not m in thachai yostayight whe you are. put mom in that ai
before you speak to her, leyourself see her. vialize her. ok. describe what you see. in gestalt therapy, we start with the present situation, and the present situation consists of what the pso presen as the patient and how they presenthemselves, so we're interested in the presenting of aroblem. foexample, i'm feeling depressed or i'm thinking about changing my job or my marriage isn't working out or i'm lonely or whater. but we're also interested in how the person presenen themselves. someone who presents him or herse as lonely and in the process of doing that is avoiding eye contact, is showing us not only at they're lonely,
but how they keep themselves lonel by avoing coact. mommy,his hurts. you're squashinge. i don't like this. hurts. does she hear you? no. noshe doesn't ar you no. ok. now, come over here. now, could you be a mother who doesn't hear her daughter? mm-hmm. ok. speak as that mother. what's your-- what's your experien as this moth? honey, i'll be with you in a little while. i've gothe turkey in the oven. i'juggling fiv or six things right now. i have to get th done. i ve company comin it needs to get done.
ah. now, what's your reaction to this--to this little girl over here who's kind of asking for your attention when you're tryi to do things? irritation and glt. ok. we are looking to create new situations. were looking to provide for the person the possibility to become aware of h they maintain an o status quo d also to provide the opportunity to try out new experiences and behavior and thefore, to t out new ways of experiencing themselves and the worl so far thiprogra has concentrated on the differences between forms ofsychotherapy-- so yealtsychodynamic, with it just byg ingh tightening u and keeping it in? yeah. your father, i guess, would have approved of that,
did approve of it? thcoivbehavial, emphasizing chan in thinking d behavior atlse could you ha tolyourself, then, instof sin "whaa i a well, i couljust be ary at which i usuallam anyway. e gestalt,mphasing pering t bod and itway of expresng emotions. what are you aware of in your legs right now? it's kind ofike they're clutching. theye holding their ground. now, if you were to let your legs speak, rather than "they," "i"... uh-huh. eak as your gs. in practice,owever, most present-day ychotherapists integrate their methos of doing therapy, often borrowing from orientations other than their own in order to meet the particular needs of their patients. so a behaviotherapist who is focusing on action
but sees that the patient really nds to experience more emotionally n use methods of gestaltherapy. the psychodynac therapist might choose to e coitiv or behavioral techniqu to encourage patients to act in new ways in itsighest form, would think of i ore-- as an integrative approa to different formofherapy, to be able to select fromther for of therap somethinseeminy dictated by the se at hand. often anndividual's relationship with soone else mecentral to the trapy so sometimes it makes sense to actually bring family members or sigficant others in the thera session. here, two actors using case histoes of real peopl play wan and harry jakes. wanda has already had sessions with the therapist. now for e time, they are meeting with the therapists a couple.
i'm really glad that you nted to joins. what's gng on? i don't know. you dot ha to look at me like that. like wha thisat dot . you don' have to look at me li what? how did look at you? the re rson harry agreed to be here is because the her nit-- we don't have to go into it it foolish. tellwhat happened. it's unbelieble. because i didn make-- thisime was the rk chops the way your mother want them, and i told you the reason why, which i usually don't, you mbeoing something to me, e ld be here what?
[wan sig] what happened e other night t pork chops? very, very frequently, ing at they don't in communicatto each other, and what they willhen bring up are whee ter very trivial isss. the therapist in couplesork operates under the assumption that the disagement about this surface issue is really a reflection of an underlying theme or an underlying agenda that's hidden, so that there's a need to get to this hidden agenda and recognize that the trivial argument is really about something totally different. and typicay, the hidden agend involve two major issues in the vast majority of cases where there's couple problems-- the issues of control and the issues of love.
the issue of control is, who's in charge? who's the active one? who's the passive one? who's telling who what to do? who's stepping on somebody else's freedom? the issue of love is really the issue of the absence of lo. it's--you don't care about me. you don't pay enough attention to me. you're not concerned about my welfare. the pork chops may vy well be, "you don't care about me. "hers something that i like, "a you don't care to do it, which means you n't love me." how long have we been married? which means you n't w longe." have you known how they're supposed to be made? it was a littlehing, not a big thing. it's the same thing er a over again. and besides which-- i mean really, termshow impoant is it with the pork s, what it really comes down to is...
's everything. it d't make any diffence. if it's not the porkhops, it's something els think ially milyhepy is a situation in which u e deinwith differt individus as they combine a syste a faly does go tou stag of development, and you have to understand what stage of lopment famils at. u have to understand how they are eitr enmeshed, orre ty in tms of being inttwined too much and they are not allowing the members of the family to be their person? i st lik th t nice a smooth. r pr at work don't ne to be made tfe that i'm under e samed pressure aho. and home ould be a place
that is a good pla to come to. emotion-free? ... unstressful. ok times emotions can be stressf. all right. so your wi has all these feelings inside of her, and she has emotions, and you find it difficul deal with them, and you feel sortf inadequate when she goes on crying. no. i don't feel inadequate. i don't ever really feel inadequate abouanything. what i feel, as i said, is confused. the least little thing can set her off, and i frankly don't know what it is. even today, as soon as i opened my mouth, the big sighing and the tears started,
and we're off and running again, and this is wh happens at home. wandand harry aren't a very uommon couple. wanda and harry a combination ofn indual-- the rt of obsessive-compulsive type of personality th everything has to be so and with an awful lot of structure and whis actually very attracted to feelings, but ve scared of them at the same time. on the other hd,anda has mo hysterical features of the hysteca onality, d e'alemotio and elings. whatasapning was probably what aract t two them each otr is n puing em apart. as dr.ivas-vazqu potsut sh mco pedr.ivas-vazqu try get whathealls their urotic needs met. as one individl goes to individual therapy now and they work thugh their neuric needs
they lose the need that they ha for the othererson. the relaonship might break because retiships are a balance-- often a neuroticalance, but nevele a balance. so one of the complicating factors in dng couples wor is that the focus is not solely on the communication orhe relionship, t there are personal issues th eh e s, and while the therapy is not trying to dl... terrib much with those pernal issues, it must recognize them. it must recognize that the limitations of howny individual reacts wh a spouse is a function ofheir own personal limitatio, which might be the sject matter of individual therapy. that what dr. rivas-vazquez suggesd for harry. getshsees himings abt in aolo session. if perhaps i could undersnd you better
so ian help her, e two of youcould essentially undershat other is l about, and what needs. she--whepeople are unhappy, we're talking about people n having otional needbeing met. it an inngible in it's... a lot of tes le don't know at willnngible make tm happy. yeah. she wasn't toolear about exactl whould make h happy so that's something she has to figure t. perhaps ththree of us at a later date might be able to do that ybe. ok. at makesou happy? order. when everything abt me is in order, then i can think clearly. it's like before i'm about do an operation
having erything laid out exactly the way it's supposed to be and having everybody in place and havi things done becausit's such a pcise... function that... and that should be carried over into everything. when my house, when everything i own, when the people in my life are... in order, then i can keep thinking clearly. must be quite distressing to you, then, whenou see thunt of emotion that are really lacking order. sort ouncomftable. well, suppose emotions can be in order, also. ishat what. although hryakes is beginni to open up, the gap between the jakeses is aarently very gat.
in addition to recomnding that they continue s therapy, . rivas-vazquez will probably suggest that each continue individual therapy, as well. if i trusted peoe, or you guys, eugh to talk through things while i'm working them o, it would probably makeife easier. in the group setting, each person comes with their own ki of prlem, bugroup therysetting, offers oppornitys discuss and wk through common issues as well. also offers a safe atmospher to take risks in expressing in, to try nehaviors, and to give antoeceive honest fdback. inndividuatherapy, the relationsh betwe enand therapist becomes ve important. in gro thera, it's t cohesion of the group that is pallel to at therapeutiretionsh. hat the gr in that nse
becomes really an ideal living laboratory for people who are hing probms idealing th others, regardless of at ese problems a. delores mccarthy, a social worker, leads this group session volving her actual clients, some of wh she alsoeeindivially. onthabt a p is you c sehoclient will act wh pele, inust po sitt. it real li for a client. they'll get a sense of shari, not being alone. they d'tee ifnt. theythey get sen of ho shari, not being alone. hearing other peopl gohrgh situations, particularly peoe althssues with other peoe, li relatnships. they can practice, maybt their coure up talk abousomething that's frightening. soonwho'y can ore open to get feedback from peers. thosings work st in a group setting.
i have that independent streak. i don't want to risk giving up something to getel what wld youisk here? i don't-- i'sure. i mean, i-- i don't know exactly, but there is some fear of losincorol. . - i'm ying-- i esone of the big fears is that i'll become too ndent, that i have such a need to be dependent on people that if i start... ving you a concrete example i've talked about jen in the past, d 'rsort of involv again, but i feelike i'm afraid now that because she's my one outlet erms of beinop-- i n cr front of he i can talk to r about anyt. i n tell her what i'm feeling at any moment.
i feelike i'm puttin all my eggs in oneasket. it's gng to beoo much for her to handl i'm pulling myself back d saying, "stop. don't call her. she doesn't need your burdens." group therapy can be of various therapeutc orientatns. in this group, delores mchy u a combinatn of approaches. my training is what would bcalled psychodynamic orchoanalyti theayhat i in thugions buveeeuenc l bypeonal appro ychology-- caace bkire someby'choor. onf something'k shou that be done. e puoshera o have n eernc with reapele i was thinng over t wkend o have n eernc i want to askele you l a queson.
i felt liktwo diffent people most of e time-- st weei felte-- i was ying th emoonern, is logical perso would any of you say i aclike two differt people? do i ever... i'm curious ift's something i keep inside, and i worry about it mel or do do it t outside? sometimes i use people reactions as mirrors to how i feel about myself, and i wonder. do you think you' swn those two le he? i'm not sure if i oversimpt and make it two separa people or if it's sometng i've created in my head and it's more ee-flowing thing. i don't know if you've been two separate people more tn two dierent laye, becausi think ths a side of you thavery-- is a very good listener. u're vy emthetic. thk you're very hpful loca andional
anybody ing about mething that goi o then, i'll be honest with you, it surprises m we tald about your apartment, your work situatio ur partner and your old boyfriend. i really tug, my god, you're going through so much. surprised me at this was hapning because you uld talk abouur famil- because we all do here-- and you were so lpl anempathetic, anthinof feel like i was rprised that you had all of these other kind of micrises ing on, because that's ally what they are. they only em toome out when they seem a little erelming to you. right. that's what my life has been like the las up of years. it's just slowly en to a poinwhere-- eemed like wasanageae.
then it became unmanageable. then bece antic d crazed. that's whei ndered how i'm acting-- if i'm just keeping all this craziness inside. that's wt i wanted to know. i've been thinking about it. all of a sudden, when i said at, i've been it became re to me th i see myself as two peopl you coted, which one of yomes here? i started wondering, does one of me come here? do you tnk jean'sescription mas sense? does make sense. yeah. onsi isical d thother csi i felt like there one side at wanted to comt. it does most of the time. th'she s i've nevet out i don't really know how to do it. e imprsion i get is you ce here, and you're always very rational and level. anthough you talk about the problems you're suffering,
it's like u've already put them at a distance. we're not expericing themith you. sometimes i wonder if i'm experiencing them. most othe time. sometimes. what you bring here is a very calm, ration person. om what you're telling us, that's not how you are all the time. you're not letting us in on the other side. i can certainly identify with that. i think all of us have read more of what's really there than maybe you've-- t expressed, but shown. but it makes me realize how controlled yoreally are. that'shat i'm afraid of. and because there are a lot of things going on-- i remember one time when you we describing your life, it rinded of a smp-- st lotsber of roots intertwining and twting around.fe,
the fact that you do hand all of this-- i ha maybe morefidence your ability to control tm all anou do. e thg you get especily in a group is aransference theroup, t exactly in the sense ofomody is like their father, ther, brother, but ki of sference to the rld. thway th see the group is how they e the world. one o'sh or ful wl beearful about beinth way in the group. paul was saying, "i want tohare me" because we've been talking about why heoesn't, how he keeps to himself and how that lims him. i feel like i've accomplished sething here and over the past year. but i'really--i'm real tentative about it. you're afraid the ideas the group gives you won'stk with you?
yeah, that it'so new. sometimes after a grt deal of talk, there are moments when the group falls silent and the therapis choosenot to iervene. there's ffert themeanin of silence,n the group falls silent and one of my jobs ito read what the silence is. often whenheres a silence in gup, and s roce my jobs ito read formatn aroence is. ofte nd timeres a sito lett gup, sotimeg pusomeinay ito read formatn aroence is. t ofilence penking, istae, whople afrd? i se si wafeargo, to make what'sning be personal he
whenou were out urents and ying about the ise hem understanding what you do, i was thkingut myself a my parents and whether they understand what i do and what m trying to do. i'm at a point ght now where i dot know whethethey'll undersnd complely. there's one side of me trying to deal th that fact. thers anher sidef me at saying i may be going by them souickly that i may not be th dependent any longer for em to uerstand me. i don't know i you arover inow, youlldoca tt to uerstand me. to whr parenrstandt. i ill ca a lot. that's the part that's the mos- that ieally am workg on nowith delores, is saratin fromy moer, you know.
ve done it phycally, and w i need to find a to put it in a good perspective emotional because i can't navite aund . psychothapy is barely 1oo yes old. psychologists and researchs are continuay searching for the best thera for each psycpatient or cliensearchs thisfft to mch erapist and orientation and setting with individual needs ll doubtless continue. ptioni performed by the national caponing institute, inc. captio copyright 199 alvin h. perutter
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