in 7 days to tell the stories that happened next to us, see you soon.

rtr planet is more than just television, it is a piece of russia on every screen on the planet. let's go, the loudest premieres, no motive is needed for murder on the tricks.

got there, and you have a corporate party, or what, what are you , and these are uncle vasya's troops, then bang, trakht, bang, you don't know bender well, what was that on the strip, i'm not a fighter, i came for my brother, i have to find him, exciting series, we are assembling an orchestra, we will perform the seventh shastakovich's symphony, no risk, no luck, we will succeed. we will fight the old men, we will find it, this should be in the tan for now, give us 20 years of peace, external and internal, and you will not recognize today's russia, but no one will give you this peace, unfortunately, there is no motive for the murder , no connection between the murders, but it is there, and we will find it, dizzying shows and the best music, dashenka surprises us every year, we are now in front of all the screens, all together we make a wish, i want to read.

is it harder to become a good person or to stay? the question is certainly interesting, both are difficult: not to betray anyone, no matter what happens, live, the story of a mysterious disappearance, the whole studio discusses the nature of the conflict, why mother and son and daughter-in-law have not communicated for 5 years, now the flag of the russian federation is rising over the norwegian sea. this was one of the most striking episodes of historical triumph.

our soviet people brought liberation to the peoples of europe. current news, political investigations and impartial analysis. live on the 60 minutes program. news is coming out, hello, key events, what will be remembered for this day, when the whole world calls black white, we choose the truth, vladimir putin is sitting in this chair, he enters the hall, as we remember, through these doors, everything without which it is impossible to imagine russia, only on the rtr planeta channel.

hello, hello, hello, i often say at the beginning of the program that humor, humor, humor, has the main task, to improve the mood of tv viewers for the whole. all joyful paradox, fantasy grotesque, caricature, funny game, forcing viewers to become a little children, frolic and laugh, in such cases, one can safely say,

this is what brings good, we, of course, are a special people, by the word people, i mean people of all nations of our great people headed by the great russian people, our tempering is probably special, life has always been difficult, so the people were tempered, all the time this question sounded, how to survive, how to solve an unsolvable problem, how is it that you developed endurance in yourself, or what?

i mixed french cognac napoleon with our cognac kutuzov, i joked about the whole burden of the war of 1812, and i have a temper, but last new year he showed willpower, completely refused. from olivier. next, i will refuse tangerines, because i need to know exactly why i feel so bad on january 1. we know all these foreign things by heart: whiskey with ice

is bad for the kidneys, gin with ice is bad for the liver, rum with ice is bad for the brain, this damn ice is incredible. nonsense, i can feel it myself, i sit down at the table to have dinner, my hands are cramping, you know, my hands are cramping, he tells his wife what to do, you're smart, come up with something, she looked, looked at the house, the house, then she says, and you, she says, stretch your legs, get more active. "terrible forces, we need to come up with something, and we have inventors, god willing, he 's my friend, he tells his wife, the main thing at night is to jump on the bed, let the neighbors

think that we're having sex, and in the morning she already tells him, knock a spoon on the plate, let them think that you're tomorrow." you have to come up with something like that, it's amazing, we are all resourceful from the youngest to... my granny is 83 years old, she took work home, sex on the phone, i found out by chance, she turned on the speakerphone so that her hands were free, she was knitting at that time, she, i go into the room, sits in a chair, relaxed, jaw in a glass, steams her feet in a basin, pours boiling water and...

stayed on the same bed, made the word thank you out of cigarette butts, i know ours, really all are resourceful, here is an example of the resourcefulness of the dense old man: on the road, not god knows what kind of central middle road there were two traffic cops, the sun was baking summer, 12 noon, just right, now. passes, another passes, well, there is not a single car, well, this also happens, rarely, but it happens, so,

you don’t want to go home empty-handed, they see, a cart is coming, an old cart, an old horse, an old waxer, listen, well, let’s at least stop him, well, maybe we’ll get something, maybe we’ll just play a joke, show your documents, the old man, lifting the horse’s tail, said, look in the glove compartment, even our mosquitoes have become cunning, yes, they fly up, sit on the bed, then walk on foot so that no one can hear them, we are all witty, he alone wrote an ad at the entrance to his dacha, so the dog is not evil, but his nerves are not to hell,

everyone avoids him, even those who speak russian poorly have learned resourcefulness from us, yes, that's right, i am sure, i myself saw a price tag on tights at an oriental bazaar, women's panties with long sleeves, and how... a katzets, who did not know how to say chicken in russian, pointed out to the saleswoman he asked about the eggs lying on the counter: where's mom? does the man realize what you're thinking up? they recently came up with the idea, three guys got on a motorcycle in a row, in general, uh, they got on a motorcycle like this, not with a sidecar, like on a horse. and they're riding, well, the traffic cop is indignant, waves his baton, whistles, stops, but these guys don't

care, they blow past, the last passenger noticed him, shut him up, well, are we going to put you on our head or something? we're a special people, but we need to be reminded all the time that in order for a horseshoe to bring good luck, it needs to be nailed to the horse's hoof to plow. so how do you like our town, nice, quiet, calm, no murders, absolutely no

murders, since monday. i can identify the body, it's my husband, don't you think she was acting suspiciously? oh no, it doesn't seem so, i'll find the real killer, the search for the sandpiper sometimes really messes things up, and the whole administration is discussing your passionate love with ardova, and i don't care that i'm not discussing it, i'm wounded, i can't get up, hold on, i'll be there now, i'll be there. everything is like with people since monday on rtr. continuation of the high-profile murder story ex-mayor of samara viktor tarkhov. katya belskaya's former mother-in-law larisa pasik flew to moscow to respond to lyudmila tarkhova's accusation. so in the letter

she accuses pasik of finding bones, rags, pieces of leather, threads and needles sewn into the things that her daughter brought with her from israel. this is a clear case of witchcraft. what really led katya belskaya to murder? mala, monday on rtr, why the hell are these ghosts keeping me awake again. i was the ghost, zhanya! premiere on rtr. mom, this is probably a visitor to you. there is a suspect at work. why did you take it? for maintenance, you should think about the child, about yourself, and not about ghosts, there is someone she is waiting for, oh, what are you doing, pushing, there are those who are waiting for her, you see me, yes, there he is, well, history, wow, i am calling,

i need your help, anna, a medium, new episodes, i am your... last hope, soon on rtr, this is just a show, everyone is great, a big musical premiere, convince me that she is not singing, this is the second mood, are you serious, yes, you are on the head want to get, creative approach, finjak convinced me that he sings, non-standard solution, i did not understand the question, but i agree with you, the stars have.

who sings on friday on rtr, ah men, oh women, what do they not say to each other, darling, do you want me to wash the dishes, what are you, bastard, cheated on me, so what now, let the dishes stand dirty, right? "listen, i noticed, you and your husband have not argued for three days, but what to do, you quarreled, like this, one told me a secret, a geologist lives in our entrance, a shift worker, conqueror of peaks, captain of a long voyage, and i, a womanizer by force, that's

it, well, men, 50, let's invite a younger one today, we need a younger one. in a word , a man does what he promised as often as a woman does what she promised not to do, which is how harmony in their relations is achieved, but i knew one happy couple, he accepted her as she is, calming, i still accept her, that's all the harmony, in a noisy restaurant hall among the plates. from a glass, how many completely different women, oh, different, look, one is sitting, having ordered wine for herself,

and three times already, three times, it just happened, suddenly, that she climbed onto the table, oh, fell down dancing, performing, ah, what a woman, what a woman! my woman, nothing, and to the one who sits down next to her, she pours something again, pours, laughs at all his jokes, what he offers, he wants everything, she is ready to leave with him, let's do it, but you need to finish her off. wine, only to believe her, naively, ah, what a woman, what a woman,

with clonidine, and also once, there was one drunk guy, he mixed up the table, a drama ensued, and what's there? climbed up got lost sat down on a chair that wasn't his, a lady was sitting on it, what's next, he sat down heavily on her and flew across the room, stitching tables together with explosive water, oh what a woman, what a woman, inflatable. what a strange creature, sitting in the center of the room, false hair,

eyelash, wow, here are the shoes, probably size forty-five, creepy, if you suddenly dream about it, if you've had too much, it can carry you into the house. you, having hoisted you on your back, oh, what a woman, what a woman, no, a man, well, i don't look at these women at all, of course, for me there is one in this room, elegantly beautiful, no wine, drinks, no beer, impeccable, ideal, how can i decide,

to quietly approach her, to say everything that i am hiding in my soul, oh what a woman, what a woman, i am in such, but my wife pushes, let's go home, my friend, i am going, i am going, i am going, after another scandal, the wife said to her husband: i am leaving today to my mother, but i warn you, we will return, and it is so cold. looked at her husband that he had caught a cold. one man told a completely different story, when we quarrel with his wife,

i always look down on her because i'm the boss in the house, and it 's easier to prove it from the closet, you know? in short, people, don't push it to the point of sin, look at what some people do? oh, but he doesn't show it, at first he was affectionate, and then what did he do?

the ironic poet from st. petersburg vladimir polyakov has phrases with a meaning that you have to guess, so when i voice them, be sure to ask yourself what he actually wanted to say, as young people say, what's the trick, and the trick is there. there is, there is still intelligence in the universe, since it does not communicate, everything that we were promised, no one will take away from us, the food in the refrigerator at night is healthier and tastier, i know the norm regarding alcohol,

but i can not drink that much. according to the navigator, i am in the tundra, why are blacks here, i do not understand, men are looking for a woman. drink to health, after all, it itself does not drink, here is friday, comrade, start finishing work,

i hear through the surgeon's anesthesia, we will give this to murka, alzheimer's and parkinson's came, i do not show on myself. and they shook my hand for a long time, they shook, that's the way it is, born to crawl, explains to everyone how to fly , i think, therefore i exist, here's the opposite, not a fact, not a fact, then the floor is given to the next philosopher, i'm a fourth-class auto mechanic, and my friend, a security guard at a night club, once says: if you want to make good money, come with me, we have, he says, in an elite ladies' club a stripper is taking over, an open dislocation of the left hip,

we need to replace him, we arrive, the hostess asks, who are you? i say, a stripper is a car mechanic, his name is stepan, she: great, styopa, the ladies have already gathered, we have a corporate party today, the better half of humanity is in the hall - mothers-in-law, i need to drive them to a frenzy, i say, well, how can i drive them to a frenzy? she says: very simple, first take off your clothes, behave impudently, and then just fulfill their whims and requests. i say, if they ask for spare parts, i won’t give them. and then she pushes me off the stage, as i was from the garage, sweatshirts, wadded pants, boots, the action in the hall lasted about five minutes, i

took a closer look, the leak itself is not visible, only the eyes from the gloom glow like those of ghouls, i hear the hostess screaming, it's time to undress, well, i took off the little thing, i spin it on myself like a weather vane , i hear the mothers-in-law screaming: throw it to us, well, i threw it into the hall, one caught it , they immediately carried it away, in the pockets were pliers, bolts, nuts, a crowbar , a sledgehammer and three jacks, tamerlane's armor together with the horse is lighter than my moisturizer. i continued, took off the boot together with the toe, the whiskey is groans, no need to scream, i have even heels, i hammer in dowels, i take off the boot's tire with my nails,

when i try to take off my pants, i started to unscrew the wire on my fly, shouts of bravo and a loud hurray were heard in the hall. when i found myself in only my family underwear, my mother-in-law started to grunt, no matter how much i undressed at home, nothing like that happened, and here such a success, i hear them shouting, come on, dance, i performed the love dance of apples in a squat, no one heard the music, my knees crunched as if a company of soldiers body crackers emelya. i hear the hostess, the bastard, yelling a white dance, the ladies invite the gentlemen, but they are all at me with a herd, i feel, they can trample, i swung my boot, i'm stealing, back,

i'll come up to you myself, i walked between the tables, with a depraved gait, knocking cocktails off the tables with my hips, i heard someone hug me from behind with a death grip . yes, i also thought with my hands a bust there, closed on my neck like a life jacket, barely slipped out, thanks to the solidon. i had smeared myself with it before, to shine like all strippers, then the first bill fell into my pants, unexpectedly and ticklishly, i liked it. a minute later i was already pulling the elastic band for the offering,

i stopped this disgrace after of one old woman climbing in there for change, although i remember exactly that she poured in small change, i hear the owner yelling, styopa pole, i look, really six is worth it, with a slight movement of my hand i... made a thong out of my family underwear and climbed onto this pipe like an electrician on a table. it turned out that it was a rusty water pipe in the glass and had been waiting for repair since the last century. that's why it burst right there. hot steam hit my underwear. the steam was so hot that my eyes even popped out of my head.

woman, thank you, summer vacation is ahead, let's go somewhere weeks for two, our main detective, by the way, i'm leaving for the airport now, the nalminsky murder happened, they shot at the heart, point-blank, special signs, this summer.

we'll watch on the weekend,

i have the most beautiful, mom, just wonderful, well, terribly modest, modest or secretive, beloved or someone else's, valentin disappeared, and what about you, i was going to say something like that, that i shouldn't have liked, that well, does he have relatives? of course, his wife katya and natasha's daughter, daughter, yes, who is he covering for, me, the father agreed to take all the blame, well now i can hope for the truth and nothing but the truth, i'm looking for a man on saturday on rtr, a disaster, instead of a gold coin from the time of ivan. the fourth ten-ruble coins, we

'll figure out this varyugu, you won't figure it out, i swear, man, help me out, pull me, i'm not going, there's a sale there, and you still autorize cars, yes, yes, i'm tired, i just have no strength, well, that's it, get off man, and what's wrong in the same place, the history of a big country, on friday on rtr, you are me, what do you want, and what are you doing? they don't want to send a false anxiety, premiere, that he is getting into my life, what passion, i haven't seen you like this for a long time, on saturday on rtr. a modern artist is puzzled and says to a friend: i don't know what to do? my client, who ordered his portrait, wants me to change the color of his eyes, and i don't remember where i painted his eyes. nowadays, many directions

of modern art, such as pop art, performance, installations and other intellectual experimental. crap, all your performances, excuse me for being frank, are complete crap, well, you understand, the title of the play, it should be media-friendly, it should attract viewers, what do you have here, i see, the repertoire is written, buratina, buratina, buratina, cheap

crap, buratina, what is this, what is this buratina, he was smiling with a book, papa dwarf, oh, papa dwarf, oh, krablya, krable, that's it, well, yes, in general , i suggest that your play be called the ominous, talking log, sticks his nose into the eyes, kuratina, he's kind, yeah, and he sticks it in kindly, oh, oh, artemon, malvina

sees nothing, but a joke, yeah, ah, well, what do you have next, ah, well, let's go to the performances, no... the princess and the seven bogatyrs, wait a minute, the thing is that the accounting department said that the seven bogatyrs are unprofitable, so they cut all the bogatyrs, and then all the rest, in general, there was one dead princess left, here she lies on the stage for an hour and a half,

and then gets up, bows and leaves. yes, there are shouts from the audience, bravo, come on, lie for another week, well, yes, i think that the dead princess, dead princess - it will be, and the mummy returns, us.

well, yes, little red riding hood, not older than 18 years old, meter 80, size five, here is a manicure, pedicure little red riding hood, and runs. through the forest, a leg long from the hip, and at this time all the animals in the forest, but you understand, what is the whole story, this is what we should have, i am very sorry, but we do not have

a suit for a meter 80, we will not pick out clothes for her, really, my god, what a suit at 18 years old, from clothes, only a cool hat, who plays the davoseks, and where are we from? the lumberjacks are dressed in tight leather shorts, handcuffs here, handcuffs, feathers here, here, feathers here, yes, there are some lilac eyeshadows here, some lipstick here, well, in general, typical lumberjacks. who plays the girl ellie from the wizard of the emerald city,

i am comrade boss, you play the girl, yes, yeah, well, i don't just do it like that, i put on make-up, well, i paint my eyebrows, then i put on white socks, well, like a real one. so far the whole performance, it hasn't been put aside for me somehow, but here is the final scene, it is almost ready, and now i will ask you to greet it with applause,

yes, yes, of course, the final dance of vinny pooh, please, if i scratch the finishing touches it's not a problem, i'm at the level of my sawdust, but although i myself am sawdust, but sound systems and mobiles, farks, zapilki, i sometimes compose quite well.

but calm down, well then, respected gentlemen artty, who wants to be a piglet, so, gentlemen piglets, whoever wants, sing along with me, if you want the theater to prosper and be happy, the repertoire must be saturated with creativity, let the old woman and the mirror walk all in transparent

clothes, the zeroest prince... oleg let him jump in tights, let the fire warm and the seal freeze, use creativity so that the viewer does not get bored, there will be a lensky boxer, a bandit peter i, ha-ha-cha, let him dance cha-cha-cha. as soon as advertising appeared in our lives, on television, on the streets, in magazines, newspapers, in mailboxes in our homes, i began to parody it, ridicule it both caustically and kindly, and in any way. i joked about how i really love advertising, it's just a pity that it is interrupted by films.

and i must say that viewers are very... reacted actively to all jokes, because the advertising not only surprised them at first, but also irritated them. now we have become accustomed to advertising, but this, unfortunately, did not remove the irritation. now advertising has become businesslike and specific, very often without any plots. in these cases, i simply ridiculed the style of this or that advertising. here, for example, is a fragment of a parody of the program "shop on the sofa, let's start the program: shop on the tokhta, how come you still haven't bought our new unique super horseradish cutter? what a shame! can you even consider yourself a normal cultured person if you don't have such an elementary, such a necessary thing for every day, as a super horseradish cutter! no, it can't, you have a chance to get on

the right path, buy our new unique super storage, listen to what housewives say about it! imagine, when i didn't have a super horseradish cutter yet, i lived like the last scum, i was sick all the time, i had clumsy hands because i grated horseradish by hand.

well, finally my dream came true. i bought this superhernertu, i still remember that snowy day in may. so, superhornerezka, for only $999.99. a ridiculous price, gentlemen, i'm laughing, for some $999.99, you are the owner of a superhornerezka. payment in rubles. at the vdf rates, call right now on our contact phone number 020202. moreover, having ordered a superhornerezka for $999.99, you will receive a paper instruction on how to use the superhornerezka, two spare bolts from the superhornerezka, absolutely free of charge as a gift.

a brochure with pictures, beggarshit. and a beautifully published three-volume work by enes grobanyuk, a khrenoveska and i, together a friendly bunch of crap. well, how do you like our town, nice, quiet, calm, no murders, absolutely no murders, since monday, i can identify the corpse, it's mine. husband, don't you think she behaved suspiciously? oh no, it doesn't seem so, i'll find the real killer, yours and kulik sometimes bring us very close, all this management is discussing your passionate love with ardova, but i don't give a damn about what i don't discuss, wounded, can't get up, hold on, i'll be there now, i'll be there,

everything is like with people. from monday on rtr, this is not a rite of worship to ancient spirits and not even a wedding ceremony, this is how travelers dedicate themselves in this country. the earth is round, we'll sort out everything else in detail, it seems that a couple of old ships are about to launch nearby, what a cool machine, let's go , it's up to you to decide what to fill your travel piggy bank with, after all , lace suits me, and we will always help, the fact that this is a heavenly place is obvious to everyone, even to iguanas, well, let's keep it a secret. to the whole world, you'll see it all for yourself now, on saturday at the rdr, natasha, marry me, i agree,

on saturday, my son is getting married, to whom, and i would also like to know, to whom, i am the organizer of the event, after all , madam, and you are not going to quit your job, it seems to me that he is not only an employee for you. have you definitely decided, this is the man, mom, i have a wedding tomorrow, remember, you won't get rid of me so easily, when your life is like a holiday, expect uninvited guests, my name is oksana, i am from the groom's side, don't come near our family, you weren't like that before, lesha, i have no doubt that you will save this holiday, and... then life, i won't let anyone ruin my marriage, the holiday is life, the premiere, soon on rtr, today 50

years in revenge, if we see something tasty, then he is in the mood, he dances, very soulfully, when the soul sings, sings everything, songs from the heart, andrey malakhov's evening show, today on rtr. since i am approaching the retro style, i am constantly thinking about what kind of concept this is, old age. of course, you could say that old age is the age when you're more interested in grain than... dens of vice, it's when habits, having formed your character, guide your actions, it's when you look at the world through your own prism, so you understand everything

in your own way, here's an old man who posted this ad: i'll rent an apartment to two students, i won't rent it to three, i'm not the right age, what is my age? well, as you can imagine, i started to be interested in this question, i remember reading somewhere that old age is that period of life when you see young goats in young women, and they see in you, now i remember who they see, it was written, and old. artists, and i will tell you this, old.