tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC January 3, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody! what's going down? [ cheers and applause ] what a great crowd. thank you, guys. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." happy cinco de mayo, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] earlier tonight i drank eight coronas, six margaritas and four tequila shots. [ cheers and applause ] then someone told me it was cinco de mayo. i was like, "cool." [ laughter ] that's right. it's cinco de mayo, everybody. i celebrate it the way i do every year, by pressing "espanol" on the atm machine. [ laughter ] see if i can make it through, like, "uno, uno, tres, tres." listen to this. senate majority leader harry reid dislocated his shoulder. yeah, after his hand slipped on a parked car he was leaning on. [ light laughter ] so watch out, al qaeda. [ laughter ]
what a lame story that is. everyone is still talking about osama bin laden. hillary clinton said that watching the raid on bin laden's compound was 38 of the most intense minutes. which can only mean one thing. she's never had to assemble a chair from ikea. [ laughter ] "too many screws for my blurfenglurf." [ laughter ] it's pretty crazy. i read that officials in pakistan found marijuana plants on osama bin laden's property. [ cheers and applause ] which explains why he was like, "we must defeat america and while we're there, someone needs to stock up on those pizza flavored goldfish, 'cause i'm like jonesing for those, bro. [ laughter ] they're so tasty." i knew bin laden was a stoner. he would always get the munchies and eat like six bags of goat flavored doritos. [ light laughter ] this is pretty cool. president obama is going to host a poetry night at the white house next week. that's right. obama will recite some yeats. hillary will recite some frost.
biden will recite some seuss. [ laughter ] some business news. microsoft just lowered the price of its zune to only $170. yep, that's how much they're willing to pay you to take a zune off their hands. [ laughter ] that's exciting. and finally, for the second year in the row, jacob and isabella are the most popular baby names in the u.s. the least most popular baby name, donald sheen bin laden. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: check this out, you guys. right here, "thank you notes" is a book. [ cheers and applause ] this is a book. it is a dozen bucks. [ light laughter ]
comes out may 23rd. just 18 days from now. you can pre-order it on amazon.com it's our first book, you guys. "thank you notes," check it out. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a big show tonight. one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. tina fey is here! [ cheers and applause ] so good. i love her. from "smallville," tom welling is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] superman! and making their tv debut with us tonight, music from twin shadows, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be good. it's going to be good. they sound great. as you guys know, i'm a huge fan of reality tv. you guys love reality shows? [ cheers and applause ] my favorite. i especially love "jersey shore." [ cheers and applause ] i love everything about that show. the people, the clothes, the hair, the lifestyle. it really works out great, because as luck would have it, there's a floor right here in 30 rock that's exactly like the "jersey shore." it's still an office, but everything is just jersey-fied.
there's fist pumping, there's hair gel, there's a dance club. it's fantastic. and that's why my friends and i go there every chance we get. here, check out what happened last time we stopped by. this is "jersey floor." >> okay. so how does this work again? >> jimmy: i don't know, man. i just -- you get on the elevator. there's this button that says, "jersey floor," and when you press it -- when you get off, you're transformed. your hair is awesome. [ laughter ] you are super, super tan. and your clothes are just amazing. so are you coming or not? ♪ ♪ >> maybe next time. >> jimmy: your loss, quest. >> elevator's here, yeah! ♪ >> white people are weird. ♪ >> jimmy: we're on the jersey
floor, baby. i'm about to do! >> yo. we got an inflation. >> i love juiceheads. ♪ >> crazy! >> i can't wait to hit the dance club. >> that's just life on the jersey floor. >> we're going to the jersey floor, bitch! ♪ >> jimmy: ah, man, so good to be back on the floor. i got my brews, i got my bros, i got gel in my hair, i got like fists in the air. it's the freakin' best. >> back on the "jersey floor" baby. whoo! whah! [ laughter ] >> seriously, every weekend we've got to come here? can't we just go to a museum or something like that? a flea market? ♪
>> oh, dj josh in the house, yo. what's up, ladies? ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: josh is my bro. we're like bonnie and clyde. if bonnie and clyde were both dudes. we're like clyde and clyde. >> even when he's with other girls, i know my joshi is still thinking about me. we're really, really happy. >> jimmy: when we're on the floor, we do everything we love to do. we nail chicks, we drink beers and we go to the club. nbc, baby. that's how we roll. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> one, two, three, four, i declare a prank war. five, six, seven, eight, i declare a prank war. [ laughter ]
>> so we got this phone, right? it's shaped like a peacock, you know? and j-bro, this guys takes vaseline, rubs it all over it. so he lubed the peacock. you get it? lubing the cock. [ laughter ] >> ew! ah! that's nasty! [ crying ] >> well, someone put some sexual lubricant on the telephone, so the girls decided to retaliate by putting josh's shake-weight device into the toilet. that did not go over very well. >> hey -- hey -- what's going on? where is it? >> where's what? >> they took my shake-weight. i look like an idiot. >> [ bleep ] >> what are you talking about? why you freaking out. >> it's getting weird. it's getting weird. >> real funny. >> joshi, check the toilet. >> these aren't even good pranks. i mean, these people are just dicks. [ laughter ]
putting the shake-weight in the toilet? that's not a prank. that's -- you're just an ass [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> what? you think this is funny? you think that's funny? >> it was joke. >> it was a bad joke. you think that's a funny joke? toilet water on my shake-weight and now it's on my hand and some of it is getting on my face every time i shake it. >> get over it! you're such a jerk! >> you're a dumb skank. okay? >> ah, ooh! i need to get out of here. >> get out of here. go. >> [ bleep ]. >> all right. >> i'm leaving the floor and i'm never coming back. [ light laughter ] i'll probably come back. ♪ >> glove time, yeah. ♪ >> it's time to hit the club! >> yo, where my ladies at? >> oh, man. we're gonna bag some hotties tonight. i can feel it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> thank you so much for dinner. >> are you kidding me? "30 rock" and "parks & rec" are two of my favorite shows. [ bell ] >> the new nbc, nowhere to go but up. [ light laughter ] hey. what's this? ♪ >> hmm, i got a tingle in my dingle and that can only mean one thing. hot ladies in the hiz-ouse! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> well, j-bro and josh have bagged a couple of hotties who would appear to be quite rtb.
"ready to bone." ♪ >> yo, i don't know about these girls. they were kind of like -- weird. like they needed to like see a brain doctor or something. ♪ >> i want to make babies with you! ♪ >> it's all good, yeah. ♪ >> the situation has grown dark. there's only one thing to do. ♪ [ horn blowing ] [ laughter ] [ horn blowing ] [ laughter ] [ horn blowing ]
[ horn blowing ] >> well, the inflation sounded the stalker bugle, which is the universal sign for get the "f" out the club. >> stalkers yo, we got to get the hell outta here. >> you can run, boys, but you can't hide. >> why don't you get out of here you f-ing stalkers? what's wrong with you? >> oh my god, we're not stalkers. >> you're whores! >> what's your problem? [ yelling over one another ] >> we don't need stalkers here! [ yelling over one another ] >> [ bleep ]. >> you know what? you know what? >> you know what? know what? >> [ bleep ]. >> you're whores. >> you are. >> mind your own -- [ yelling over one another ]
>> your mother was a whore! [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] >> i will punch you in the tit! [ bleep ] >> ah! yeah! >> i got to hand it to her. man, that bitch got skills. >> whores! >> disgusting whores. >> go home! >> you're an animal! >> go home. >> [ bleep ]. >> yo, we got to get rid of these girls, bro >> look, do not panic. we just got to find somebody to take them off our hands. [ laughter ] >> oh, okay. no problem. all we got to do is find some dudes dumb enough to take these crazy skanks off our hands. like who's going to be stupid enough to do that? [ laughter ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the award-winning creator and star of "30 rock" and the author of "bossypants," which debuted at the top of "the new york times" bestseller list. that's my girl. that's awesome. [ cheers and applause ] if that's not enough, she's hosting "saturday night live" this week. please welcome back to the show, our good pal, tina fey!
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you, my pal? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: doing good. good to see you. thank you for being jersey-fied. >> oh, i loved it. that was super fun. >> jimmy: oh, you're awesome. i love -- you took a picture. you tweeted this out to your -- you emailed it to your husband. >> i don't tweet. [ laughter ] but i did. i sent that to my husband. he's like, "i like it." [ laughter ] he liked it. >> jimmy: he liked that look? >> he liked that look. amy kept saying that she looked like dog the bounty hunter's wife. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she did a little bit. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: she looked like a wwe wrestler. the thing that made me laugh is that you put your hair in my mouth. and -- some of the grossest. i've never -- >> i know. it's a girl trying to be sexy. she knows something about hair -- hair is sexy. put it in your mouth. >> jimmy: put it in my mouth. that's the grossest thing ever. >> so gross. >> jimmy: god, i'm lucky.
you're brain just works differently than mine. it's so funny. [ light laughter ] number one book. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: number one book in the whole wide world. that's tina fey, "bossypants." whose arms are those arms? >> i forget the guy's name. i just met him for that couple minutes. he had to hug up behind me and they photoshopped the rest of him out. >> jimmy: oh, so that was a human behind you? >> yeah. those are human arms. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought it was muppet arms. are they really? i thought it was your husband's arms? >> no. this guy was like a bigger, a really big guy. >> jimmy: a big dude? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's pretty cool. and i like this. of course i love this. come on. little baby tina fey. [ laughter ] cute. >> little nigel from "spinal tap." >> jimmy: "spinal tap." [ light laughter ] -- "spinal tap." my other thing that's great is here -- the inside, you have the author book. "tina fey lives in denver with her -- with her ferret?" >> my ferret. jacoby. >> jimmy: jacoby? >> yeah. i was like, "well, that doesn't have to be real. who cares where i live." >> jimmy: you live in denver. this is genius. is it fun? are you enjoying this?
do you do book tours and everything? >> yeah, i did a bunch of the book tours. and it is super fun. you meet like -- a lot of, you know, nice people who are like, "hi." i meet a lot girls -- a lot of ladies with glasses who are, like -- [ laughter ] "i wear glasses, too." [ laughter ] like, "great!" >> jimmy: in new york city on the subway, everyone said every girl is holding this book. >> awesome. that's great. >> jimmy: it's like the "harry potter" of books now in new york city. but you went to google? yeah? >> oh, my gosh. yeah, i did a book tour. i went to all these cities and i got to go speak to the google employees on what they call the google campus. have you ever been there? >> jimmy: no. >> it is kind of awesome. it's this -- it looks like the most beautiful, brand new college campus up in northern california, and it's just -- the guy -- eric schmidt, the guy who was the ceo was explaining to me like, "oh, we just want people to work and never, ever leave. so we have everything here." there was like food everywhere. free food everywhere. bikes. you can ride bikes. you could play beach volleyball. they have a band every single afternoon come and play. and -- i think this would be the
most awesome place -- >> jimmy: i love this. >> if i worked there, i would be like -- they would be like, "um, we're noticing that you're only playing beach volleyball." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "you're not doing your job at all." >> i said that. "do you ever have anyone who's just like going for a swim?" he's like, "no, we have very elaborate ways of measuring people's productivity." i was like, "oh. google." >> jimmy: serious. >> google. >> jimmy: mm google, yes. [ laughter ] >> it's pretty rad. >> jimmy: "30 rock," season finale. >> yeah. >> jimmy: tonight. >> it was tonight. >> jimmy: yeah. >> how did it go? >> jimmy: -- enjoy it. [ laughter ] we don't know. hope everyone enjoyed it. 100 shows. >> 100 shows. [ cheers and applause ] thanks. >> jimmy: that's a big -- that's a milestone. >> that's big milestone. then by the end actually, this was like 102. it's so funny, because the thing is that after 102 shows, it is like a little off the rails. we just kind of -- we're in that phase. like, you know on sitcoms where people are like -- "and then my character's going to sing." like, we just do whatever we want. >> jimmy: making up crazy plots. >> yeah. we're gonna go to france. >> jimmy: when do you bring in -- li, the oliver? >> yeah, we need to adopt a little black kid. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you have to adopt a little black child and then jump the shark. >> but we did -- actually, our show actually takes place on the back of a shark, so we can't really -- >> jimmy: you can't ever -- >> we never jump the shark. >> jimmy: you're with the shark. >> we've been on the shark from the beginning. but we did start -- we started using -- because we can't afford to pay for music anymore, because whenever you play a real song on a show, you know, you have to pay for it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> which is why i can't figure out about "glee." that show must cost like $50 million. >> jimmy: yeah. >> 'cause i know that on "30 rock" a couple years ago -- >> jimmy: we can't play any beatles or anything, right? >> right. costs too much. >> jimmy: you can go like -- ♪ when a -- and that's it. [ laughter ] that's all we can do. >> i'll tell you what i -- ♪ when a -- >> ♪ when a -- >> jimmy: that's it. that's $50,000 for -- that's "let it be." >> yeah, i go, like -- ♪ night cheese working on my night cheese ♪ $40,000. >> jimmy: what? >> you'll probably have to take it out of this. you'll have to autotune it so it's like -- [ robot voice ] ♪ night cheese working on my night cheese ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wonder who's been working on my night cheese. >> "night cheese." i was eating a big -- >> jimmy: like "night moves?" >> yeah, like "night moves." you couldn't tell from -- >> jimmy: only you would come up
with that. >> and so, we started making our own songs 'cause it's just free. so we started doing -- like we had to have this scene where it was like this really, like, crunchy lady music. and so we wanted to play joni mitchell but we couldn't pay for it. so i was like, "we'll just make one up." and then, i kind of forgot and it was -- like we had do it. >> jimmy: do we have this? -- one of the funniest things ever. this is tina fey doing joni mitchell. >> i had to improvise to a joni mitchell song. >> jimmy: listen to this. ♪ >> so bad. ♪ it might have a super long intro. >> jimmy: no. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: what are you saying? are you saying "saskatchewan?" >> yeah, i forgot to write it, so i had to improvise it so -- if you have to improvise joni mitchell, you sing super high with a canadian accident and i just kept naming places in canada. i was like, ♪ oh, medicine hat [ laughter ] >> jimmy: medicine hat. >> i just kept singing. i would just be like --
♪ let's put the baby up for adoption ♪ [ laughter ] whatever the saddest thing you can think of and places in canada. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] that makes a joni mitchell song. >> it's like me in my house, in my pajamas, doing that. >> jimmy: you did it in your house? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, i love that. it's genius. hosting "saturday night live" for the third time, pal. >> who can believe it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on. how's it going? how's it going? >> it's good. we had our read-through yesterday, and it was a good time. >> jimmy: are you going to do sarah palin or you don't know? >> yeah, probably a little bit. she's not like out and about that much. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know who is out and about? it's donald trump. >> jimmy: trumpy trump. >> yeah, maybe i'll stand next to him. >> jimmy: "24 karat gold. beautiful, beautiful." [ laughter ] >> do you remember when we did a thing -- when donald trump hosted, we did a -- for "weekend update" we did a thing. we started it with a fake opening that was like "weekend trump-date" and everything was gold. i had a pageant lady outfit on. do you remember this? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. weird. >> and donald trump kept saying, he's like "you should dress like that all the time." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like, "you're not
getting the joke." >> "you look very beautiful." >> jimmy: "you look beautiful. [ laughter ] you have a beautiful face. beautiful boobs." [ laughter ] what? it should be fun. i'm excited. and the musical guest is someone i've never heard of. >> yes, it's this young woman named ellie goulding. she sounds great. i just heard her sound check. she -- she performed at the reception of the royal wedding in the u.k. >> jimmy: hello? i was second in line for that. >> you were, right? [ laughter ] you were going to do the chicken dance? >> jimmy: i was, yeah. bring back the chicken dance. that's it. >> i don't think it ever went away. >> jimmy: i only do that and i do the ymca. that's the only dance moves i do. the only ones i know. i know you gotta get back up to "snl," but i want to know if you have time for a little game? >> yes. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, we'll play "password" when we come back. tina fey! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ capital one's new cash rewards card gives you a 50 percent annual bonus. so you earn 50 percent more cash. if you're not satisfied with 50% more cash, send it back! i'll be right here, waiting for it.
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>> steve: welcome back to "late night." to my left is best-selling author and award-winning television/motion picture star, the lovely tina fey! [ cheers and applause ] who are you playing with, tina? >> steve, i'll be playing with lisa, who is from london, ontario. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: and to my right, host of nbc's "late night," and sweetheart jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] who's your partner today, jimmy? >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for announcing me. my partner is mitt mitchens. >> mittens. >> jimmy: mittens? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. mittens, his name is mittens. mittens from somerset, new jersey. mittens. and we're here to play "password!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: i'm your host, steve higgins. the rules of the game are very simple. i will give each of you a password then each of you are to
a one word -- one word -- one word clue only to your partner to get that password. >> jimmy: come again? >> steve: one word only. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: not two words. not three words. one word. >> jimmy: oh, gotcha, gotcha. >> steve: scoring starts at six. take a point away each time the clue passes. five seconds each time and remember, no part or form of the password can be used. so don't cheat, jimmy. if a clue is illegal as determined by our judges, you will hear this -- [ buzzer ] and you will forfeit the turn. the team with the most points after six wins. any questions? >> jimmy: well -- >> steve: okay, great. >> jimmy: i was just wondering -- >> steve: first clue goes to tina and jimmy -- >> announcer: the password is -- >> steve: tina, we're gonna start with you. >> okay. cocoon. >> caterpillar. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: nice! >> jimmy: what do you mean, "cocoon, caterpillar?" >> steve: well, that's -- there you go. take that, mittens. >> jimmy: mittens, get ready, my man. >> announcer: the password is --
>> jimmy: does lisa go? >> steve: okay lisa, we're gonna start with you. >> phone. >> book. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought you were gonna say "bone." >> steve: yeah, "phone bone." i did too. she read my mind. >> texting. >> jimmy: blackberry. >> it is blackberry. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: 5 to 6. whew! mittens, doing good, man. >> steve: there you go. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> announcer: the password is -- >> steve: start with you, jimmy. >> jimmy: can i talk to you for a second? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the password's mother. what should i say? [ laughter ] >> steve i would do "father," but like "fa-ther." >> jimmy: okay, good. [ laughter ] fa-ther.
>> mother. [ bell ] >> steve: wow! >> that doesn't count. >> jimmy: all right, that one doesn't count. that one doesn't count. we'll play by the rules. i'm sorry. ready? we'll do this. >> announcer: the password is -- >> steve: jimmy, we'll start with you. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: they're a point ahead of you. just want you to know that. >> jimmy: thanks. >> steve: 6 to 5. >> jimmy: all right, stop. let me concentrate. [ light laughter ] martini. >> alcohol? [ laughter ] >> cosmopolitan. >> olive. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: uh -- gin. >> cocktail. >> jimmy: whoa! [ bell ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that's what you should have said. >> announcer: the password is -- >> jimmy: i was thinking tom cruise, and i was like, "if i say kokomo, he's not going to get it." [ laughter ] >> steve: all right, mitten. we're going to start with you. >> jimmy: was that in the movie "cocktail?" was it "kokomo?" >> steve: the song, yeah? >> jimmy: it was, right? that's a good song. do you know "kokomo?" >> no. >> can't afford it. >> jimmy: too bad. >> sorry. >> steve: okay. >> all right, ready? >> jimmy: yeah. >> boom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: bomb? >> dynamite.
>> explosion? [ bell ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that it, right? that's the game. >> steve: is that the game? >> jimmy: that's the game right there, you guys. oh, my goodness. we lost. mitten, thank you for playing. i appreciate it. you guys -- [ cheers and applause ] >> good game. >> jimmy: "bossypants" is in stores now! "saturday night live" this weekend. tina fey, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] tom welling joins us next. there he is, hanging out in the bud light lime green room. hey, tom. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ like so many great pioneers before me, guided only by a dream. i'm embarking on a journey of epic proportion. i will travel, from sea to shining sea, through amber waves of grain, and i won't stop until i've helped every driver in america save hundreds on car insurance. well i'm out of the parking lot. that's a good start. geico, fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know our next guest as clark kent on the cw hit show, "smallville." after ten seasons, the final episode will air may 13th at 8:00 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome tom welling! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i know. i didn't even do the double kiss to you either. >> i was looking forward to it. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. next time -- next time you come out, i'll give you the double kiss. >> all, right. all, right. >> jimmy: happy cinco de mayo, my man. >> thank you. >> jimmy: are you celebrating at all? >> yeah. i'm gonna have a cadillac margarita, right after this. i tried to have that before, but they wouldn't let me. >> jimmy: what's a cadillac margarita?
>> it's a margarita with a floater of grand marnier. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> never heard of that. >> try it, cinco de mayo. >> jimmy: i love it. i'll try it whenever. yeah. i'll try it on ocho de mayo as well. >> there you go. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] are you from new york? >> i was born upstate. yeah. >> jimmy: where? >> in putnam valley. >> jimmy: oh, i know putnam valley. >> yeah. that's it. >> audience member: p.v.! >> yeah? right on. i don't think i've met anyone else that was from there. >> jimmy: "p.v."? no one yells "p.v." [ laughter ] >> putnam valley! >> jimmy some gang members from putnam valley, up there. [ laughter ] >> right on! p.v.! >> jimmy: so that's -- did you ever live in -- in the city, or no? >> i did. i moved around a little bit growing up. i grew up in delaware mostly, finished high school in michigan then i quickly move back to manhattan. >> jimmy: you did? yeah. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: is that when you started acting or -- >> yeah. i started -- i started modeling, got into commercials, which allowed me to go out to l.a. and act and then, you know -- judd apatow, who was just here -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- actually gave me my first gig. one line. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: for what? for what? >> it was for "undeclared." "undeclared." >> jimmy: oh, i remember that show. yeah. >> they -- they trusted me with one line. so -- after that -- >> jimmy: what was your line? what was your line? >> "no thanks, guys." i think that's what it was.
>> jimmy: hey that's pretty good. [ applause ] you say that really well. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you say that really well. >> yeah. it was something like that. yeah. >> jimmy: this is the -- this is the end of "smallville." >> it's the end. >> jimmy: i'm bummed out. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it sad? were you sad? >> it is sad. it's -- you know, ten years. a whole decade. >> jimmy: can you believe it's ten years already? >> no. >> jimmy: it's crazy, right? >> no. i actually thought -- today i said, "it's great jimmy's been here so long." and they're like, "this is his second season." [ laughter ] i thought -- i honestly thought that you had been on for like five or six years. >> jimmy: oh really? >> well i've been in, like, a submarine for the last ten. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. where do you shoot "smallville"? >> vancouver. >> jimmy: oh, the 'couve. [ cheers ] >> in canada. yeah. >> jimmy: a lot of fans from couve. >> vancouver gang members. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. p.v.! [ laughter ] >> audience member: p.v.! >> jimmy: that's a fun place to do it. did you take anything from the set, like, to remember? like the glasses or anything? >> i tried. i had -- i had my -- i had my eyes set on a few things. and then, like two weeks before we wrapped, these guys showed up, like six or seven guys in suits, glasses, calculators, pens and paper and they marked everything and they literally brought us all together and said, "you can't touch anything. it's all going to archive. sorry, guys." so i have like a pencil that i was able to take from closed set.
>> jimmy: oh my god, a pencil is all you have to remember. yeah. >> it's a nice little frame, it's right there. >> jimmy: any -- did you celebrate at all? >> i wasn't going to and then, my wife threw me a "congratulations, you're unemployed" party, which was a surprise. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very nice of her. "congratulations you're unemployed." >> i didn't see it coming and looking back, there were many signs, telltale signs. but, long story short, she was able to -- well here's the thing, we were supposed to go out that night. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i went out, i tried to get some exercise, i came back and i could hear her walking around in the house. and i'm like, "those sound like fancy shoes." and then, next thing i know, she was gone. i said, you know, "what?" with friends in town. oh, our cousin picked her up and we're supposed to meet at 6:00. and then she texted me, come at 7:00. and i'm like, "i'm not going out tonight." "you have to go out." so, i go out. we get there. where's my wife? my cousin says, "she's upstairs with a friend of ours," who i won't mention. who i don't care for so much. and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we all have them. we all have them. >> my cousin says, "we have to go up there and save her." i say, "i'm going up there. you go up there. i'm not going up there. we'll never get out of there. this girl all talks forever."
[ laughter ] so -- now they're all in it. that fact that there's this party up there and i have no idea so -- finally, the -- "oh, jamie just texted and she needs us to go save her." so i'm just like, begrudgingly, like, "okay, fine. i'll go up there." so, we go up there -- >> jimmy: in the worst mood ever. >> in the worst mood, grumpy like a crab. and the door starts to open. i see balloons and i'm thinking, "oh, great, there's a party -- up here? i guess we're gonna be here all night." and as the door opens, i see one person i know, i see my brother, i see another -- and i'm thinking, "what the hell's going on?" and they yell surprise. and the first thing that goes through my mind jimmy, i swear to god is, "why are they throwing jamie a birthday party?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you still don't know it's for you. >> i don't know it's for me. and then i -- and then -- they said "tom." and then "oh," and then i spent the rest of the night shocked. i don't know if you ever had a surprise party thrown -- >> jimmy: i hate surprise parties. i hate surprises. >> it's embarrassing. >> jimmy: i don't like surprises. i honestly -- i hate them. i don't like them. why? just tell me. i'll go to the party. >> exactly. [ laughter ] and i'll be ready. i'll be dressed. i'll be happy. >> jimmy: i hate surprises. i don't like being surprised at anything. >> exactly. >> jimmy: it's like, "oh, surprise." i'm like, "i don't like it. i'd rather not be surprised." was you family -- was your mom and dad there?
>> yeah. yeah. oh, no, they weren't there. but they're here. they're here. >> jimmy: actually right over there. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's your sister. >> my sister. yeah. >> jimmy: and there's your mom, over there. oh, there you go. very good. there's mom, right there. come on, hey mom. happy mother's day! [ cheers and applause ] did you get your mom anything for mother's day? >> ah, yeah. >> jimmy: you did not. you forgot mother's day. it's this sunday. you can't forget that. >> well, i'm looking over there and i realize at, you know, at 24, i still need a chaperone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you still do. hey, let's -- get back to "smallville" quickly. i want to know. 'cause this is the series finale. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and this is -- a lot of people are speculating. they want to know what is going down. do you actually become superman? in this one? can you tell us? >> i want to tell you. i want to tell all of you but i got a very polite request e-mail from warner brothers that pretty much said, "you can't say a word or we're gonna kill you." >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. that wasn't the direct quotation. >> jimmy: can you give any spoilers? do you fly? because you've never flown. >> there's been a lot of -- >> jimmy: superman's got to fly. come on. you've got to fly. right?
>> i think what we've been able to do the last few minutes of the show is i do -- >> jimmy: all right, look, if you do fly, just wink -- [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: -- if you fly. >> all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. i'm not going to tell you if he winked or not, but, uh -- he didn't. [ laughter ] wait, so you might not fly. and do you marry lois lane? >> there is a situation. >> jimmy: oh, my god. come on! something. "there's a situation." is the situation in it? [ laughter ] that would be awesome. does he fly? >> i was peaking in, yeah i was looking for "jersey floor" i couldn't find it. i'm in the elevator. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, "jersey floor" is out there. >> i saw how much fun you were going to have -- >> jimmy: quest -- we'll see what happens with quest, yeah. yeah. but can you tell us anything -- anything that is going to happen? >> i can tell that if you're looking for the suit, if you're looking for lois lane and clark kent being together, i think you'll be satisfied in a way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll take that. that's good enough. do you open like a suitcase and you see the suit in there? >> there's something that
happens where i think you'll be happy. it's a surprise. you're going to love it. >> jimmy: i hate surprises! >> you're going to love it. >> just tell me what happens on the show. i'm a human being. i have a brain. i will watch the show. if you tell me -- yes, i'm going to wear the suit, i'm going to fly. i'd be like, i'm going to tune in. we have a clip that will tell us just nothing. [ laughter ] what is the clip? basically? can you tell us what the clip is? >> the clip is -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tell me something. >> you know, why don't you let it be a surprise? it's really good. >> jimmy: i hate surprises! here's the clip from "smallville," you guys. >> lois, this is my future and i want you to be part of it. >> yeah, well maybe we don't get what we want. clark, i'm just in your way. >> you're not in my way, lois. you're by my side.
and if you really want to go through with cancelling the wedding, you're going to have to leave me standing at the altar. >> oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and then -- and then you fly. [ laughter ] you better fly. tom welling, everybody, right there. "smallville," series finale, may 13th, 8:00 p.m. on the cw. twin shadow performs next. come on back you guys! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ h&r block offered a free recheck of your taxes,
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guests are a great new york band making their tv debut with us tonight to perform the song "castles in the snow" from their album "forget." please welcome twin shadow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you're my favorite daydream ah ah i'm your famous nightmare ♪
♪ everything i see looks like gold everything i touch goes cold ♪ ♪ castles in the snow ♪ you're my favorite daydream ah ah i'm your famous nightmare ♪ ♪ everything i see looks like gold everything i touch goes cold ♪ ♪ castles in the snow here's all i know your checkered room and your velvet bow ♪ ♪ your elvis song in my ear that moonlit voice that i hear
now we are bold as brass ♪ ♪ we walk along our golden crest we hide away for a week we only look ♪ ♪ and don't speak you're my favorite daydream ah ah i'm your famous nightmare ♪ ♪ everything i see looks like gold everything i touch turns cold ♪ ♪ castles in the snow you're my favorite daydream ah ah i'm your famous nightmare ♪ ♪ everything i see looks like gold everything i touch turns cold ♪ ♪ castles in the snow ♪
♪ ♪ you're my favorite daydream ah ah i'm your famous nightmare ♪ ♪ everything i see looks like gold everything i touch goes cold ♪ ♪ castles in the snow ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great job. thanks, buddy. fantastic. thank you so much. thank you. twin shadow. check out their album, "forget"