i wouldn't dream of

[ cheers and applause ]

>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. thank you very much, everybody. this is good. this is exciting. [ cheers and applause ] how are you guys doing tonight?

welcome to the show. i'm your host, blue ivy fallon. [ applause ] that's right. this weekend, beyonce and jay-z gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named blue ivy. the baby was delivered by dr. herb feldstein featuring dr. ed chang. [ laughter ] this is nice, jay-z just released a song for his daughter that uses sounds of her crying. [ light laughter ] this -- yeah. which explains the title of the song, "i got 99 problems and someone taking away my binky is one." [ laughter ] here's some election news. during yesterday's debate, mitt romney said he wasn't a career politician, and newt gingrich told him to drop the pious baloney. of course, when romney dropped it, newt was like, "hey, you gonna eat that pious baloney?" [ laughter ] looks pretty good. [ laughter ]

>> steve: come on. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this isn't good, you guys. the national debt has reached $15 trillion, the size of the entire u.s. economy. yeah. i don't want to say president obama's out of solutions for the debt, but today, he tried handing it off to tim tebow. he just -- [ cheers and applause ] please, just do something. i can't -- you're the man. speaking of tim tebow, his game-winning pass is apparently more popular on twitter than the death of osama bin laden. even bin laden was like -- [ bin laden impression ] "it was a pretty sick pass. [ laughter ] i've got to say, that was pretty crazy, man. 80 yards or something." [ applause ] speaking of sports, today, president obama met with the dallas mavericks to congratulate them on their 2011 nba championship, while joe biden met with the globetrotters to congratulate them on that episode of "scooby-doo" they did. [ laughter and applause ] pretty good one.

>> steve: that was great. >> jimmy: and finally, today, the hyundai elantra was named the car of the year. incidentally, hyundai elantra is what beyonce plans to name her second child. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: rahzel sitting in with the roots, right now. what's up buddy? [ cheers and applause ] thank you, pal. >> happy new year. >> jimmy: appreciate it. >> jimmy: hyun-dai. hyun-dai. hyun-dai-a. >> steve: hyun-dai. >> jimmy: hyun-dai? hyun-dai-a. >> steve: hyun-dai-a-a. >> jimmy: hyun-dai. [ laughter ] hyun-dai. >> steve: say hun. >> jimmy: hun. >> steve: say dai. >> jimmy: dai. >> steve: put them together. >> jimmy: hyundai. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. he's a big-time movie star. we're psyched he's here.

he has a new film called "contraband" out this friday. mark wahlberg is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: superstar. >> jimmy: he's a superstar. we love that guy. also, he's got an animated show coming on fox. napoleon dynamite is in the house. [ cheers and applause ] the napoleon dynamite. >> steve: the guy. >> jimmy: the guy. the actual guy. >> steve: the actual napoleon dynamite. >> jimmy: napoleon dynamite is coming out here. yeah. it should be interesting. i don't think he gets out much. >> steve: no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we got some good music tonight, you guys. surfer blood will be performing for us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guitars, turn it up. it's going to be good. hey guys, as we said last week, we are taking our show on the road for the first time ever. we're going to indianapolis for the super bowl. it's going to be awesome. [ cheers and applause ] everyone's going. you're going. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: we're doing this cool thing. we teamed up with subway to make a video called "subs across america." [ light laughter ] now what we want you to do you

is, we want you to videotape yourself catching a sub, right? and then throwing a sub. all right? and then we're going to connect all 50 states to make it look like we passed the sub across america. [ laughter ] here is a short instructional video that tells you all about. >> steve: if you want to be a part of the subway subs across america movement, just follow these five simple steps. step one, go to subway. buy a foot-long sub. step two, go to the most iconic landmark in your area and take a video of yourself in front of it. step three, have one friend stand off-camera to your right side with the sub. have another friend stand off-camera to your left side. catch the sub, then pass the sub. don't forget to smile! step four, load the clip onto your computer box and upload it to our website latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ subway. step five, congratulations! you did it! we'll select our favorite clip, and that person will win a one-year supply of subway sandwiches and a catered party for you and your friends during the big game. so be sure to tune into "late night with jimmy fallon" during our week at indianapolis,

february 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 5th to see your big-time face on national tv. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: awesome! this is exciting. this is my idea. we want to get a clip from everyone involved. all 50 states. alaska, hawaii. you know i'm talking to you, hawaii. let's do this. in front of -- you can do it in front of like a big -- >> steve: volcano. >> jimmy: volcano. yeah, sure. whatever want to do. >> steve: in front of a lei. >> jimmy: yeah, and just go for it. i want to connect -- it'd just be super fun. "subway subs across america." let's do this, america. let's do this. [ cheers and applause ] if we can do one thing, can we do this? [ applause ] yes we can. thank you. hey, guys, pull out your computers and fire 'em up, 'cause it's time to take a look at some new e-cards. [ cheers and applause ] here we go. ♪ e-cards e-cards e-cards e-cards ♪ ♪ ♪ e-cards >> jimmy: very good. e-cards -- you guys know what e-cards are, right? these are electronic greeting cards. they say, like, happy birthday, then you click on it and it opens up.

it's from all of us at the office. >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: it's just very good. it's just thoughtful. >> steve: it shows people how much care they -- >> jimmy: how much care -- they put in a lot of care -- love. well, i collected a bunch of my favorite e-cards, and i want to show them to you guys. let's check them out. let's look at this first one here. it looks like a romance card. it says, "just wanted you to know," and you click in the inside. "that i'm thinking of someone else." [ laughter ] it's just little cards like that. it's fun. >> steve: it shows i care. >> jimmy: everybody loves them. >> steve: i've cared enough to type your name in a box. >> jimmy: yep, yep. let's look at this next one here. it's looking like a seasonal card. it says, "winter can be a wonderful time of year." and on the inside, it says, "it can also be a slush-covered icy bitch." [ laughter ] stuff like that. you can send them to anyone. >> steve: anybody. your mom, your grandma. >> jimmy: mom, grandma, whatever. [ laughter ] i can't send one to my grandma. >> steve: i know, i'm sorry about that. [ audience awwws ] >> jimmy: you guys didn't hear? this past christmas, she got ran over by a reindeer. [ laughter ]

>> steve: sorry i brought it up. >> jimmy: why would you bring -- why would you bring it up? >> i didn't think. i didn't think. how's grandpa? >> jimmy: he is handling it pretty well. i mean, he's watching football. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: with cousin mel. >> steve: oh, that's good. >> jimmy: and he's like, drinking beers. we didn't even know -- we didn't know whether to open up the gifts that she sent or send them back. [ laughter ] anyway, anyway. let's check out this next card here. this one looks like a card you send to, like, a bride-to-be/mom-to-be. >> steve: ooh. la la. >> jimmy: it says, "wow, so many good things are happening at once." certainly looks that way. >> yeah. >> jimmy: check on the inside. "happy sweet 16." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: isn't that nice? >> steve: three things. >> jimmy: three things happening. that's a busy weekend. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's a hot weekend. >> steve: that's a hot weekend for them. god bless the teens. >> jimmy: yeah. let's see this next one here. oh, there's a guy proposing on one knee. i'm guessing you send this to announce your engagement or something. it says, "in case you haven't heard the big news --" let's see what's on the inside.

"i said no." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: what happened? yeah. >> steve: let people know. >> jimmy: let's check out the next one here. it's a religious card. it says, "god loves all of us equally." let's see what it says inside. "but he loves tim tebow a little bit more." [ applause ] >> steve: just a little bit. >> jimmy: just a little bit. the guy -- >> steve: an 80-yard pass, man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: it's crazy. >> jimmy: look at this next one here. all right. there is a judge slamming the gavel. and it says, "i find you guilty of being adorable. >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: on the inside it says, "and of murder." >> steve: oh. takes all kinds. >> jimmy: seen on dateline. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the adorable murder. let's check out the next one here. oh, this one's sweet. "love is timeless," it says. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: yeah. on the inside, it says, "and bonerless." [ laughter ] >> is that a word? bonerless? is that a word? >> steve: i think it is.

i think it was one of the new words of the year. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: bonerless. >> jimmy: we're down to our last one here. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: it says, "life gave you lemons." on the inside, it says, "and you made them into two gigantic melons." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, there we go. >> jimmy: that's all the time we have here for "late night" e-cards. stick around, everybody. we'll come back with "karate pinata." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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degree. it won't let you down. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "late night," everybody. thank you for tuning in and watching it. hey, let's play "karate pinata," you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ karate pinata ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> ha, your kung-fu is pretty good. >> jimmy: this is "karate pinata," the time-honored sport

of kicking pinatas while blindfolded. behold, the fiesta ring. [ gong ] i am sensei jimmy fallon. [ gong ] [ laughter ] now, please welcome our three audience contestants. come out. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the "karate pinata" dojo. what is your name and where are you from? >> matt from long island. [ light laughter ] >> natalie from new jersey. [ light laughter ] >> benji from new jersey. >> jimmy: thank you, benji from new jersey. [ light laughter ] >> you're welcome. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. here is how the game works. to your left, you'll see four confetti-filled pinatas, each of which bears striking resemblance to four current celebrities in the news. tim tebow. [ light laughter ] rick santorum. [ light laughter ] america's favorite tv chef, paula deen. [ light laughter ] and from "different strokes,"

the gooch. [ laughter ] now, one at a time, you'll take your place under the fiesta ring. when play starts, the pinatas will slowly spin, and you'll have 20 seconds to break as many as you can. whoever breaks the most wins the grand prize, and oh, what a prize it is. higgins? >> steve: well jimmy, tonight's winner will be taking home $300 worth of old el paso taco dinner kits. they're delicious, they're tasty and they account for a combined 200 million calories. so say "adios" to that new year's diet. dig in, compadre. jimmy! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, higgins. thank you, dwar. than you, qwar. [ gong ] [ laughter ] all right. now, a few things before we start. first, you can only break the pinatas using karate kicks. you cannot use your hands. you cannot use your body. i addition, the pinatas must fully break in order to count. also, keep in mind, in the event of a tie, our great audience will decide the winner based on kicking awesomeness. so, it's very important that your kicks are awesome.

any questions before we begin? [ light laughter ] good. contestant one, you're up. go take your place. put on your blindfold. let's get this fiesta ring spinning. all right. [ applause ] remember, stay on the mat at all times. 20 seconds on the clock, please. ready, set, kick. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hey, hey, hey. stop the violence. stop the violence. come on over here, buddy. [ applause ] i looks like you tore his head off. does it count? all right. all right. very good job there. you ripped the gooch's head off. [ laughter ] let's take a look at what you

did in slow motion. look at this. pure violence. anger. [ laughter ] that one kind of broke. i don't know if the judges are giving you points for that one. i think they are. look at this one. there, watch. ripped his head right off. bang. [ light laughter ] well done. that was good right there. that was just anger from childhood frustration. you know, very impressive. higgins, how many pinatas did he break? >> steve: three! ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: looked like 30, but it was only three. you only broke three. it looked like 30, but wasn't. have you seen the dove? [ laughter ] rahzel, where are you, man? all right. here we go. contestant number two. you are up. we have replaced the broken pinatas for you. [ cheers and applause ] good luck to you. put on your blindfold there. all right. now, remember, no hands or body. only kicks. start the fiesta ring. 20 seconds on the clock.

ready, set, kick! ♪ >> jimmy: whoa! what? ♪ ♪ ♪ hey, hey, hey, whoa. we've had enough. come on over here. whoa. [ applause ] we're friends, right? we're cool. yeah. we're friends. yeah. you're dangerous. you're dangerous. that was real good. oh my goodness. that was a fantastic job. let's take a look at what you did in slow motion. this is just sick. ♪ bang. there goes -- there goes the yellow one. whatever that head -- guy was. that was just -- keeping it very consistent right there. then the left kick. you did that. finishes the rockette kick here and smashed that guy. bang. you run so fast. that was just -- oh, that was just demolished. that was very well done. very, very well done.

nice kicking there. higgins, how many pinatas did she break? >> steve: three! ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh. that's very, very good. wow. pressure's on. this is it. it's what it all comes down to. all the work. all the training. this is your destiny. [ laughter ] it's time for you to do dat thing dat you were born to do. [ laughter ] now, go take your place. put on your blindfold. [ applause ] start the fiesta ring. 20 seconds on the clock. ready? set? kick! ♪ ♪

♪ >> jimmy: all right, very good. come over, buddy. [ applause ] come on over. that was actually -- that was very interesting. it was very impressive. i think -- one was like a hacky sack kick. [ laughter ] and then one of them fought back, which was weird. >> i saw that, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. let's take a look at that in slow motion. this was very -- i've never seen this happen. you kicked bluey, and he was mad. and he just came back and then, you got -- you got -- you got frightened. [ laughter ] you got frightened. put your hands up. and then you hacky sacked that dude 'til blood came out of him. and then that was it. then you just kind of phoned it in from then on in. but, it doesn't matter. you were great. it was very, very good. great stuff. higgins, how many pinatas did he break? >> steve: three! [ applause ] >> it's a tie! >> jimmy: that means we have a tie. >> steve: tie. >> jimmy: that mean it is now up to the audience to decide the winner based on kicking awesomeness. ♪

was it contestant number one? [ cheers and applause ] contestant number two? [ cheers and applause ] or contestant number three? [ cheers and applause ] contestant number two is the winner! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ here are your tacos! this is a lot of tacos brought to you by kwar and dwar. congratulations. you could have a taco party any night. and of course, no one goes home empty-handed. you guys will be taking home these official "late night with jimmy fallon" black belts. in addition, you'll also going home with a pint of steven colbert's americone dream ice cream. even worse -- it's full. sorry, losers. [ laughter ] thanks to everyone for playing "karate pinata." stick around. we'll be right back with mark wahlberg! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a golden globe and oscar-nominated actor and producer whose new film, "contraband," is in theaters on friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, mark wahlberg! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that's my jam right there. >> jimmy: you know that song. you know that song. >> thank you, guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they love you. they love you. >> they must -- they must think i'm somebody else. >> jimmy: no, no. they know it's you, but yeah. [ cheers ] >> it's the jacket. they thought i was -- >> jimmy: you know that song. you know that song. >> it's the jacket. they thought i was tom cruise. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: yeah. no, no, no. no, no. no, no. tom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> but people always ask me, would i ever want to perform music again, and i would perform the music from "boogie nights," but that's it. >> jimmy: you would you do that again? >> oh, for sure. that was a blast. >> jimmy: oh really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: like maybe for a charity thing, or would you just come on our show and just perform it one night? >> maybe i'll come back and perform "you got the touch." [ applause ] >> jimmy: we can make it go down. we can make -- well, let's talk about this afterwards. thank you for coming on our show. i appreciate it. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: we're big fans. i know you are a boston guy, from boston. >> yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: but now you've lived in l.a. for a while. [ cheers and applause ] is the l.a. kind of -- has it taken the boston out of you, or no? i mean, you don't really have an accent. >> i -- i'll have one if i need one. you know, i have one in "fighter" and "the departed." >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, you know, that's the kind of accent that's like nails on the chalkboard for most people. so i worked really hard to lose it. but, you know, if i scream and yell at my kids, it comes out. or if i talk to my mother, it comes out. >> jimmy: almost the same thing. scream and yell at your kids, yeah. >> i'm screaming and yelling at

them while she's screaming and yelling at me. >> jimmy: now, when you grew up in boston, did you ever go, like, oh, i'm going to grow up and i'm just going to be an actor? i'm going to go out to l.a. >> oh, absolutely not. no, you don't -- if you're growing up in boston, unless you're, you know, super smart, you're gonna get an education. you're either a cop or a crook. [ laughter ] and then when i started getting into the business, i had no interest in being in movies when i started in music. and i got a couple of offers, one was to play, like, the white rapper in "sister act 2" and -- [ laughter ] all these -- all these -- >> jimmy: which would have been great, by the way. [ laughter ] >> but -- and then i got an opportunity to meet penny marshall. i got a call from an agent saying that penny marshall and danny devito wanted to meet me. and i was here in new york so i said, you know what? i love love "laverne and shirley." i love "taxi." i would love to go and meet them. >> jimmy: penny marshall is fantastic. >> aww, she's the best. and then i literally sat down with her, and for fifteen minutes -- >> jimmy: now, you're just doing music at this time? >> yeah. and she's like, "what do you when you're an actor anyway? you're acting like a tough guy and all this other crap. just take this outside and read it." so i went outside and i read it. next thing you know, i'm flying myself to l.a. to screen test,

and i was really campaigning for the part. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. >> yeah, i definitely wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for penny. >> jimmy: that's wild. well, i love penny marshall, so that was good for her. >> oh, she's the best. >> jimmy: now you have four kids, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: married, you have four kids. that's awesome. congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: now your kids growing up, do they start going like, "hey, how did you get your start?" i mean, are they -- >> my daughter is so upset at the fact that i used to rap and pull down my pants. [ laughter ] she's totally embarrassed, but yet she loves the new kids on the block which is -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's your brother? >> the worst thing for me. yeah. and i love my brother to death, but our nanny -- she was a sweetheart. she gave -- she was a big new kids fan, so she gave her a cd. and then she starts listening to it. she wants to listen to it in the car, and my kids want to hear, you know, jay-z and kanye, my boys. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they're like, "we don't want to hear that crap --." and then she gets a christmas album, and she's playing the christmas album. i had to take it away from her. i said, "christmas is over, baby. [ laughter ] no more." >> jimmy: it's your brother. >> no more. oh, i love my brother to death. >> jimmy: oh he's the greatest. >> i wouldn't have a career without him because, when i was

incarcerated -- when i got out, he's the one who put my album together. >> jay: is that right? >> yeah. so, i got a lot of people i need to thank. >> jimmy: you really do, yeah. but that's pretty cool. so your brother was a new kid. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and then at this time, what were you doing? just getting in trouble? >> i was actually -- me and him started working with maurice starr, who produced the group. and we started recording a rap album. and then they wanted to start, you know, taking us to vocal lessons and all this stuff. i was like, i'm not doing that. and then when i was in jail, the new kids came and performed at the jail. [ laughter ] i swear to god. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey, wait a second. i know that guy. it's my brother! >> so i was telling everybody -- i'm telling everybody that's my brother. they're like, "oh, [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] and they're like -- "no, i was in was in that group." they're like, "well, you're a real dumb [ bleep ] then. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, all right, wait a minute. >> oh, so sorry about that again. >> jimmy: no, no. you can say that, but you can't say [ bleep ] though. you can't say that. [ laughter ] can't say that. >> but, no, literally, i was like, you know, they were now really starting to take off. and these guys are like, "you're an idiot." >> jimmy: yeah, you could have been that. yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but now -- i mean, look at you. what you've done in your career is amazing. you're a great actor. you're producing. i don't know if anyone knows this, but you produced -- you produced "entourage" and you

produced -- [ cheers and applause ] great. and "boardwalk empire," which has won every award. now you're up for a golden globe. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you going to go down to the golden globes? >> i'm going to try to. it's -- i'm shooting a movie right now in new orleans with russell crowe, and so we're going to see if we can work out the schedule. >> jimmy: all right, now speaking of new orleans, "contraband" is your new movie out this weekend. it's set in new orleans. >> yeah, new orleans and panama. >> jimmy: and panama, yeah. in panama as well. i loved it. it was great. do you want to explain to everyone what this movie is about? >> well i play kind of a former smuggler who is now -- now has a wife and two children, and i'm trying to live a normal straight life and my wife's brother -- my brother-in-law is trying to run drugs and -- >> jimmy: ooh. kind of made me mad. >> he ends up having to -- [ laughter ] he's running from some very bad people, and has to throw the drugs overboard because the customs agents have boarded the boat. and then, if they are not going after -- if they go after him, they're going after me and my kids and everything else, so i have to do one last job. >> jimmy: i really enjoyed it. let's take a look at a clip from "contraband." here's mark wahlberg.

>> what's up, houdini? >> you got something for me? >> something. >> yeah, i didn't think so. say goodbye to andy. >> what are you doing? run, andy! [ gunshot ] >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it's like that. it's like that. you're back in the mix. did you -- do you miss at any point? like, 'cause that is insane. like, you drag him out. like, i've only been in, like, two movies. but, i mean, i was never dragged through a car window. [ laughter ] >> we can arrange that for you. >> jimmy: i would want my stuntman in there. and then i would want a latte and a poncho put over me.

and i would -- [ laughter ] i would huddle in fear. >> well, giovanni is a method actor so he didn't mind getting in there. >> jimmy: you ripped him out of the van and punched him in the face. >> yeah. but it looks -- did you miss him and punch him in the face? >> no didn't, but i did throw him on the ground, which was fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, gosh, it looks so -- all these fights so realistic. >> well it's fun to be able to do. most of the fights, we try to make as realistic as possible. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean, that's what we did with "the fighter." we hired guys that were willing to go in there. and that's what we are doing now with "broken city." i just think it's all been done before, so the only way to make it interesting is to make it real. >> jimmy: more or less. i know you're a sports fan. you're a boston sports fan. i want to play a game with you called "box hockey." >> okay. >> jimmy: will you do it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right. when we come back, mark wahlberg and i are playing hockey. so come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done.

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what factors led you to buy your explorer. definitely the ecoboost option. what's pretty amazing is that you can get the fuel economy of a car in an suv. that basically did it for us. and the technology... oh, my goodness, the technology is amazing. everything is touch. you can actually talk to the car and it talks back to you. what have your friends said about your explorer? can we drive it? can we borrow it? what's your answer? no. no way. uh uh. (laugh) okay, so who ordered the cereal that can help lower cholesterol and who ordered the yummy cereal?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with mark wahlberg, and we're going to face off in a game of "box hockey." it's pretty simple. it's hockey in a box. [ laughter ] the first to score two goals wins. i've got rangers gloves, and you've got bruins gloves. >> defending stanley cup champions. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] new york versus boston. thanks to the nhl for actual players' gloves.

the puck goes in the middle there. we tap sticks three times before we start, and the first one to two is the winner. you ready? >> yep. >> jimmy: one, two, three. [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ you getting tired yet? >> no. [ cheers ] ♪ [ audience oohs ] >> bounce back. >> jimmy: all right. ready? >> this might take all show. >> jimmy: i know. this is going to take 25 minutes. first one to one wins. ready? >> you will see napoleon dynamite tomorrow. >> jimmy: hey! i didn't say one, two three. oh, my god! ♪

♪ [ cheers ] i'm breaking a sweat. >> oh, sorry, buddy. >> jimmy: okay. ready? wait, wait. put it in the right way. [ laughter ] let's tap sticks. let's tap sticks. one, two, three. ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] i'm just so tired. i'm just so tired. ♪ [ cheers ] oh! [ cheers ] oh. the music is so tiring. [ laughter ] ♪

♪ [ bleep ] oh! oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> you all right? >> jimmy: yep. you better call a medic. this is ridiculous. you guys, mark wahlberg is the winner. [ cheers and applause ] "contraband" is in theaters friday. go see it! napoleon dynamite joins us next. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ great guest experience. that makes my day. and during the four course feast, there's so much to choose from. [ male announcer ] the four course seafood feast is back at red lobster. still just $15. get soup, salad, unlimited cheddar bay biscuits, dessert, and your choice of 7 entrées, like new honey bbq shrimp skewers or shrimp and scallops alfredo. all four courses, just $15. [ jody ] it's really good value. all my guests love it. i'm jody gonzalez, red lobster general manager.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in 2004, our next guest went from preston, idaho, high school student to pop culture icon. his story continues when fox debuts its animated series, "napoleon dynamite," this sunday at 8:30. take a look. >> you better not eat that breast, kip. >> try and stop me, napoleon. >> you do, you die. >> what? >> you do, you die. i'm sick of you always taking my stuff, kip. >> name three times in chronological order. >> okay. ♪ [ pop ] waah! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, give it up for napoleon dynamite! ♪ ♪ there's nothing left for me to do but dance

it's bad times i'm going through just dance ♪ ♪ can you dig my dance tonight baby dance dance dance dance ♪ >> jimmy: you can sit there as well. welcome. >> hey. [ laughter ] is this for me? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] thank you for coming on the show. >> thanks. >> jimmy: i appreciate you being here. it -- it's a great name, napoleon dynamite. what nationality is dynamite? >> well, it's pretty much like a mix of all the awesome races that ever existed, and i think i'm dutch, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. well then, do you have any plans after you graduate high school? >> well, yeah. i thought that it would be fun to like go to the army and, like, use my combat skills to help the unobtanium miners on pandora. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's a movie,

though. that's "avatar." >> i don't know what you're talking about. >> jimmy: what do you -- [ applause ] -- what are you doing there? [ cheers and applause ] did you just pull some food out of your pocket and eat it? >> yes. i'm freaking starving, i haven't eaten anything. you don't have to make such a big deal about it. geez. >> jimmy: can i have one? what do you have? do you have enough for -- >> no. go get your own flippin' tots. geez. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, i'll get my own flipping tots. let's lighten things up. how about the holidays? yeah, you can have more water. >> this is pretty good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you -- did you get anything cool for christmas? >> no, my fricking grandma's a cheapskate, so i didn't get anything. [ laughter ] but, you know, so, i decided to treat myself, and i built an atlatl >> jimmy: what is an -- sorry. what is an atlatl? >> you know, an atlatl.

it's like ancient -- ancient neanderthal technology, you know. it's what the cavemans used to use back, like, a billion years ago they would, like, hunt with it and they'd you know, use it in tribal warfare and they would kill each other. it was pretty cool. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] i have never seen one of those things before. >> yeah, well, i decided to build myself one and i built you one, too. do you want me to go get it? >> jimmy: yeah. sure. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] i guess you're gonna get me some -- whoa. actually got -- these are atlatls? >> yeah, like -- they come with, like, three spears. and you have to throw it, but it's got, like, it's hewn with the bone of a mammoth. so, it, like, carries the strength and the spirit of the beast. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in case one would ever run into a woolly mammoth -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- you could kill one.

>> yeah, no, it's -- >> jimmy: i'm probably never gonna run into a woolly mammoth, but i appreciate the thought. >> hey, i dare you to challenge me to an atlatl competition. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i -- i dare you to an atlatl competition. >> yes, sweet. you see, it's basically what every neanderthal youth has to -- they have to take this test -- test in order to go into manhood. so are you ready to go into manhood? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think i'm in manhood. but yeah. i yes, i am. >> okay we got to huck it at, like, some stupid creature like a mammoth. you want me to go get one real quick? >> jimmy: yeah, get a mammoth. i don't know what he's doing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] wow, you actually brought a mammoth. that's pretty good. roots, these are sharp.

[ laughter ] [ applause ] come on. you were up there. [ applause ] you weren't even close. >> what are you guys playing? freaking babies. >> jimmy: all right, napoleon. >> okay. you just have to put it on here. it doesn't take very long. >> jimmy: okay. >> you have to hold like that. again, line it up with the bone, 'cause the bone will direct the strength and, again, the spirit into the spirit. [ laughter ] now, whoever can kill this mighty beast wins. and we get to, like, eat the mammoth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we get to eat the -- we can split the meat? >> yeah. well, you can have the meat. it tastes like rabbit. but i get the husks. >> jimmy: the husks? the tusks? >> whatever. stop correcting me. [ laughter ] geez. butthole. you want to go first or me? >> jimmy: you go first, please. after you. >> okay, check it out.

>> jimmy: hey, that's pretty good. [ cheers and applause ] that's fine. go like this and there, like that. [ cheers and applause ] >> why didn't you guys freaking cheer for me? >> jimmy: i don't even know if i'm doing it right. >> yeah, you're doing okay, i guess. >> jimmy: sorry, napoleon, you taught me well. >> i teach everybody everything. >> jimmy: what? >> see, it went farther. >> jimmy: all right, you're getting angry. i'm going to try to aim for the husks. [ cheers and applause ] tell me that was good. >> yeah, it's fine. it's good. >> jimmy: why are you so mad? >> i'm not mad. just frustrated. okay. i can do it. >> jimmy: i'm getting nervous. i'm going to stand by the roots. [ laughter ] >> you have to aim between the

eyes, cause that's the kill spot. >> jimmy: how would you where the kill spot of a woolly mammoth is? [ applause ] all right, all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm just going to give you this one. i'm going to give you this one. you deserve it. you are a man. you have become a man. thank you so much. "napoleon dynamite" premieres sunday night, with two episodes at 8:30 after "the simpsons," and then 9:30 after "family guy." napoleon dynamite, everybody. surfer blood performs next. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ can you enjoy vegetables with sauce and still reach your weight loss goals? you can with green giant frozen vegetables. over twenty delicious varieties have sixty calories or less

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♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are about to hit the studio to record their major label debut album. but, tonight, they're here to perform the song "miranda," from their latest ep, "tarot classics." please welcome surfer blood! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ help me out miranda you left me hanging again we just let each other down to let each other back in ♪ ♪ how can you say to me ahh that it's not meant to be how can you say to me ♪ ♪ ahh it's not meant to be i could never leave you so i followed you into ♪ ♪ cities where our harmony was splintered into two

how can you tell me ahh ♪ ♪ you tell me it's not true how can you say to me ahh it's not meant to be ♪ ♪ if anyone's to blame then let me know their name no room left to believe for love to intercede ♪ ♪ no room for make believe ah oh whoa miranda ♪ ♪ miranda miranda ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ if i could just hold your hand you'd understand completely feel i've lost ♪ ♪ my best friend don't know where to begin what should i say to you to make you ♪ ♪ think it through how can you say to me it's not meant to be ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ my phone's acting so strange i cannot pay my rent i've never been a fool ♪ ♪ i'm living in a boat gardenias everywhere you stare whoa ♪

♪ miranda