eric church! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight artie lange -- from "candidly nicole," nicole richie -- music from "royal blood" -- featuring the 8g band, with

fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? great to hear. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: great to hear. fred, hello, how are you? >> fred: so happy to be here. >> seth: you look very good. >> fred: thank you. >> seth: you look happy. >> fred: i am! >> seth: and, when you're happy, i'm happy. that's my mantra. [ laughter ] >> seth: you guys, i'm sure you all heard about this. today, bono apologized to fans for automatically adding the new u2 album to every itunes account. [ laughter ] >> seth: though, it doesn't help that the apology comes preloaded on the new apple watch. [ laughter ]

>> seth: so when you give that watch, you're getting that apology. that's right. bono apologized, he said it must have been a scary moment for people when they saw a u2 album on their itunes and thought they'd accidently grabbed their dad's phone. [ laughter ] >> seth: ebola's still the big story. only the slim majority of americans think the country's is prepared for an ebola outbreak. but i think we deal with outbreaks pretty well. it only took us a couple of months to completely eradicate gangnam style. it was here -- and then it was gone. everybody had it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: then nobody had it. nobody had it. some rough financial news, the stock market tumbled today and the dow fell over 400 points. in fact, this afternoon, i was asked to do the ice bucket

challenge to raise money for bank of america -- [ laughter ] -- which i was less excited about. this is pretty cool. a new app has launched called "the dothraki companion", "the dothraki companion", which teaches users to speak the languages from the "game of thrones" book. it's also a good way to find out if the wifi works in your moms's basement. for people who want to learn how to speak dothraki, you know. [ laughter ] they ain't living in the penthouse. they're down in mom's basement. that's what i'm trying to say. [ cheers and applause ] about dothraki. they want to learn dothraki for "mom, more hot pockets!" i couldn't believe this. a new poll found 17% of italians, this is amazing, 17% of italians have had sex at the airport. when i'm at the airport, i can't even find a place to plug in my phone.

that's how not italian i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i'm reverse italian. this is interesting. netflix announced today that they will begin streaming every episode of the tv show "friends" next year. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: right! so exciting. you're obviously excited. so i just wanna tell you, if you can't wait that long, just turn on any tv to any channel in any country any time of the day or night. it will also be there. [ laughter ] this is a weird little piece of trivia. according to the centers for disease control, cats cannot give you ebola. even though they probably want to. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: knowing cats. they probably want you to have it. and finally, yesterday a woman in tennessee was arrested just for letting her lawn become overgrown. though, i read in cosmo, that that's back in style. [ audience ohs ]

>> seth: ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so good to have everybody here, tonight. so good to have the 8g band here. so glad to have you here, fred. >> fred: i'm happy to be here. >> seth: you know, fred, one of the things i'm happiest about having you back is, you lead the most interesting life of anyone i know. and i just find out new things about you every day. and i feel like what i worry about is i sometimes feel like people at home, they might think that you're making it up off the top of your head. which, you know -- [ laughter ] i know not to be true, because i know you to be someone who tells the truth. but -- is this true? 'cause i did find this a little hard to believe with what i know about you. did you go big game hunting this weekend? >> fred: i did. >> seth: you did? >> fred: yeah. >> seth: you went big game hunting? >> fred: i went big game hunting. >> seth: so what were you hunting?

>> fred: it was more of a literal thing where i got boxes of games, and tied them together, with a kind of corn husk. and i just put them out in the forest. >> seth: so games, like when you say games, you mean -- >> fred: monopoly -- [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> fred: sorry. >> seth: got it. so you tied them together -- >> fred: with corn husks. but really just big bundles of them. and i, this is last year, i put them out in the forest. >> seth: okay. >> fred: okay, hid them under rocks, behind trees and stuff. and so, then i just purposely forgot you know, where they were. [ laughter ] >> and i drove out there. and i went big game hunting. >> seth: so you didn't have a gun, or bow and arrow or anything like that? >> fred: no, nothing like that. >> seth: okay. >> yeah, i mean, i just -- the hunt of it is to find it. >> seth: and what happens when you would find it? >> well, the problem is, is that i didn't remember which forest i had put it in. you know what i mean? because when you go upstate, it all just seems like you're going to be able to find it -- and then. >> seth: so not only did you forget where you specifically put it, you didn't even remember the general area?

>> not at all. >> seth: wow. >> so i just drove around through the forest and i didn't find any games. >> seth: so it did not -- so you're big game hunting was a zero. >> yes, but, i want to get a message out there to everyone if you find any, any games tied together with corn husks, please return them to me. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] that would be great. thank you so much. give it up for fred, everybody! >> fred: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: one of the great things about doing a show like this is every now and then someone will just send you something. and yesterday, the good people at the pete's corporation -- do you guys remember pete's marshmallow -- the marshmallow treats? [ cheers ] >> seth: well, they sent me something. and it's one of those things that i didn't know i needed or wanted until i got it. which was a portrait of me made out of pete's. and, i know you might be thinking that sounds like it would be grotesque and weird. well, you're wrong, it's a beautiful piece of artwork, and i can prove it. look at that. those are pete's. [ cheers and applause ]

come in close. come in closer. these are peeps. that's really, i mean, this is just so beautiful. [ laughter ] and then i realized that they reminded me of something. and i don't know if anyone watched "true detective" but i realized it reminded me of the spaghetti man on "true detective." [ laughter ] one of these people murdered a bunch of people --of other people. or peeple. so thank you so much. [ audience ahs ] >> seth: yeah, no. absolutely. [ laughter ] absolutely right. we have an excellent show for you tonight. here to talk about his comedy special "the stench of failure," artie lange is here. [ cheers and applause ] the very funny artie lange. also, from the aol web series, "candidly nicole," nicole richie joins us. [ cheers and applause ] >> and we'll have music from royal blood. a great band, royal blood. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now -- if i may, there is something that i've been meaning to get off my chest for a while now. i don't usually air my personal

opinions on the show, and honestly, this one has got me in trouble in the past. but i'm sorry, i have to say this, math is a complete and utter sham. >> at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60-second profanity laden tirade about math and how it does not exist. [ light laughter ] network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but due to a technical issue, we were unable to edit this portion of the show. in short, seth believes that math is a lie created by wall street fat cats to create larger numbers so more money can exist. [ laughter ] in supporting his case, seth began listing numbers that he hates including 3, 22, 454,978, and for some reason, 22 again. [ laughter ] at one point, seth stood up from his desk and shouted that his favorite movie is "life of pi" because at the end, pi dies. [ laughter ] seth has not seen this movie. then, in a fit of rage, seth turned to the window, even though it is not a real window and screamed out, "people of new york, fractions can go frac themselves."

upon seeing this, the show's head writer, alex baze, shook his head in disgust, walked out of the studio and straight into the ocean. looking more determined than ever, seth then turned around, put his fists on the desk, looked up demonically and said, "hey, math, i've got a number for you," and proceeded to give the finger. [ cheers and applause ] >> he then added, you know what? let's divide that by two. and held up two middle fingers. [ cheers and applause ] >> he then sat back in his chair and fell immediately to sleep. [ cheers and applause ] >> -- he woke up and groggily asked, "what was i talking about?" at which point the stage manager steve said, "math." and seth said, "oh, right," and then launched back into his tirade. by giving the following equation. "math equals dumb plus sucks." nbc would like viewers to disregard seth's opinions about math as they do not reflect the network's position and do not make any sense. we now resume our broadcast. >> seth: so math, if you don't watch your back, i'm going to subtract you from this planet

with my two friends albert and einstein. whoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that felt good to get off my chest. we'll be back after this with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so did you hear the new iphone is out? i'm getting one! sprint is offering this exclusive new plan with unlimited data. the plan is only $50 a month! $50? unlimited iphone! [glass shattering] so should we eat? the new sprint simply unlimited plan, exclusively for iphone 6. unlimited data, talk and text for just $50 a month. switch to sprint and we'll buy out your contract. it's the best value in wireless.

and for many, it's a struggle to keep your a1c down. so imagine, what if there was a new class of medicine that works differently to lower blood sugar? imagine, loving your numbers. introducing once-daily invokana®. it's the first of a new kind of prescription medicine that's used along with diet and exercise to lower blood sugar in adults with type 2 diabetes. invokana® is a once-daily pill that works around the clock to help lower a1c. here's how: the kidneys allow sugar to be absorbed back into the body. invokana® reduces the amount of sugar allowed back in, and sends some sugar out through the process of urination.

and while it's not for weight loss, it may help you lose some weight. invokana® can cause important side effects, including dehydration, which may cause some people to have loss of body water and salt. this may also cause you to feel dizzy, faint, lightheaded, or weak especially when you stand up. other side effects may include kidney problems, genital yeast infections, urinary tract infections, changes in urination, high potassium in the blood, or increases in cholesterol. do not take invokana® if you have severe kidney problems or are on dialysis or if allergic to invokana® or its ingredients. symptoms of allergic reaction may include rash, swelling, difficulty breathing or swallowing. if you experience any of these symptoms, stop taking invokana® and call your doctor right away or go to the nearest hospital. tell your doctor about any medical conditions, medications you are taking, and if you have kidney or liver problems. using invokana® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may

increase risk of low blood sugar. it's time. lower your blood sugar with invokana®. imagine loving your numbers. ask your doctor about invokana®. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late

night," everyone. now, as many of you know, the internet exists and has for some time. but now, we have search engines that can find exactly what you're looking for. whenever you google something, there are millions of results. usually you only look at the first page or two. but i started to wonder about those last few pages where the internet becomes weirder and lonelier. [ light laughter ] so, allow me to take you into the bowels of the internet with a segment we call "deep google." [ thunder ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: since it's october, i thought we'd google "halloween." pretty spooky topic. perhaps we should call it "deep boogle." [ laughter ] no? okay. that's fine. we don't have to. anyway, here's the first page results for halloween -- wikipedia page, couple of news stories, about what you'd expect. but look at the bottom and all the os in google. that means that we can go deeper into -- deep google.

[ thunder ] [ witch cackle ] [ laughter ] let's check out what's on page 8. "gary's literary halloween costumes for kids." oh, i definitely want to click on that. let's see. "tired of trick-or-treating as just another spider-man. dress as your favorite authors, biographers, poets, even journalists. we've got them all." okay, let's see who they got. scroll down. looks like they have donna tartt, author of the "goldfinch," very popular with kids. [ laughter ] who else we got? oh, tom wolfe. yeah. what kid wouldn't want to go trick-or-treating as the author of the "bonfire of the vanities"? who else we got? here we go. "tipping point" author malcolm gladwell. [ laughter ] very popular with the kids. speaking of points, we are pointed due south as we plunge deeper, deeper into deep google. [ thunder ] [ evil laughing ] [ laughter ] let's see page 27 of the search results. "discount halloween cereal." [ laughter ]

well, i love holiday-themed breakfast foods as much as the next guy. let's check it out. "are you tired of paying premium prices for boo berry and count chocula? try some of our off-brand spooky cereals." let's see what they have. [ laughter ] honey bunches of ghosts. eerios, that's good. [ laughter ] let's see what's next. death. [ laughter ] i guess that's a play off life. and kashi, my japanese friend who got murdered and is now a ghost. [ laughter ] poor kashi. at least he looks happy. well, folks, look. we can't hang around here looking at delicious halloween cereal all day. we have to go deeper to the sugary, milky bottom of -- deep google. [ thunder ] [ high-pitched scream ] [ laughter ] let's jump to page 83. "are you suffering from hollow wiener?" [ laughter ] i have no idea what that means, but i'm definitely clicking on it. let's check it out. "have you been experiencing reduced sex drive, decreased

energy, frequent urination and when you do, do you hear an echo?" [ laughter ] "then you may be suffering from a hollow wiener. tens of millions of men suffer from erectile dysfunction each year, but did you know only 10 have ever been diagnosed with hollow wieners. but now, thanks to dr. michael goob, there's a cure." wait. why is "doctor" in quotes? [ laughter ] let's look at the doctor. oh, that's why. [ laughter ] all right. you know what? that's enough of that. let's go to the last page of -- deep google. [ thunder ] >> ooh, i'm a ghost! >> seth: got back in time. here we are. page 120. middleton community theater's production of "halloween the movie, the musical." i love "halloween" the movie. don't know if it would make a good musical. let's click on that. it looks like there's a clip of the show. let's take a look. ♪ ♪ michael meyers will take my life 'cause he's insane and he's got a knife ♪

♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ michael it's been years since i've been called michael ♪ ♪ i kill but why to fill the hole that's in my soul since halloween ♪ >> halloween, a day when people try to scare each other. but me? i scare myself. i don't know. maybe i could change. enroll in a few classes at the community college. maybe i could even get some sort of -- >> knitting needles! ♪ ahh [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: one word -- bravo, middleton. we'll be right back with artie lange! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪this is the new iphone 6. and this is the new iphone 6 plus.

have you seen some of the new stuff the camera can do? yeah, it's unbelievable. its slo-mo is slower than ever before. ever before. its time-lapse can turn hours into seconds. into seconds. image stabilization helps keep everything smooth. so smooth. the camera on the new iphones are better than ever. sha-pow! what, what was that? that's the sound the camera makes. no, it's more like a "chik-chik." nope i think it's "sha-pow!" [camera noises]♪ olivendless bowls of pastag pastwith new sauces at $9.99. like roasted mushroom alfredo, and toppings like crispy chicken fritta. never ending pasta bowl, unlimited pasta, garden salad, and fresh baked breadsticks. starting at $9.99. only at olive garden. the beam family has a long history of doing things their own way. in fact, they age every drop of jim beam twice as long as the law requires for a true kentucky straight bourbon. ♪

so four long years from now... i'll be back for this one. that's how jim beam makes history. how will you make yours? that's how jim beam makes history. rdevry university's merit-based career catalyst scholarship can help you get started with up to $20,000 for qualified new students. apply now and start working toward your career, like devry grad, shelly joseph. as a student at devry, a business career was my goal. this was my career training ground... my professors, were also my coaches. their guidance helped me find career success... at microsoft. find your success with our career catalyst scholarship. classes start october 27. get started now. visit devry.edu beroccaaaaaaaaaaaa! [popping & fizzing sounds] support both mental sharpness and physical energy with berocca. proud sponsor of mind and body.

or what if he wants a fish? or a dog? or an iguana? what if that iguana breaks his arm? what if he wants to study abroad? or if he needs braces? or she? what if they both need braces? what if there's more than one of them? what if there's six? what if we saved a little today, just in case we need a little more tomorrow? download cartwheel and save on what you want, like essentials. so you can save up for what's most essential to you.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our first guest is a very funny comedian and new york times best-selling author. his new comedy central stand-up

special "artie lange: the stench of failure" premieres this saturday, october 18th. please welcome artie lange! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so lovely to have you here. >> hey, man. how are you? >> seth: i'm doing good. and i -- we know it was your birthday on saturday. belated birthday. >> oh, thanks! >> seth: belated happy birthday. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: did you -- >> the kids really follow up on my birthday. >> seth: they're very excited. they're just happy about birthdays in general. >> yeah, us weekly always announces my birthday. yeah, i was -- >> seth: did you have a fun one? >> 47 years old. >> seth: wow. >> that's a big one. >> seth: great. that's a good one. >> i don't look a day over 70. [ laughter ] no, my birthdays are different now. 'cause i mean, i used to -- drink and do coke and have sex with hookers. [ light laughter ] i don't do that anymore. >> seth: right, yeah, so -- >> so the birthday's have gotten a lot quieter.

i date a sensible girl who does sensible things. my birthday used to be drug-laden in vegas and all that stuff. [ scattered applause ] yeah, thank you. [ laughter ] and now i have a girl who tells me stories about how, you know, she's sitting in traffic a lot because the light by the cvs doesn't work. [ laughter ] she saved my life. yeah and -- every once in a while, though, you know, while she's telling her stories, i just start doing this. [ light laughter ] >> seth: uh-huh. >> she's like, "what are you doing?" i said, "well, i just read somewhere if you do this long enough, you break your own neck." [ laughter ] >> seth: your post-party birthdays are quieter. and maybe a little less fun. >> yeah, well -- it used to be that i drank so much that eventually i passed out. when i woke up, i was naked in a police car with two cops. >> seth: got it. >> but the weird part was, i was driving. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, okay. so something had to have gone right. >> so the birthdays are different now. >> seth: you -- in your special, you talk about your experiences with rehab.

and you talk about group -- going to group -- >> i went to group therapy. i don't think it works in group therapy. >> seth: you said you did not have a good experience. >> no because they make the other patients give the therapy to the people in the group. the person giving the therapy just sits there. i love this woman. there were five people in my group. this woman's name, her name was dottie. 400-pound woman. she sat there with a cup of coffee that was the size of a kiddy pool. [ laughter ] it sat there on her stomach, on her belly like this. and she would sip it every once in a while. and -- there were five of us. one day a new kid came in. the new kid's name was juan. all right? >> seth: okay. >> so she says, "juan, why don't you tell the rest of the group why you're here?" this is exactly what juan said. juan got up and said this, verbatim. "i kidnapped my best friend's baby and sold it for angel dust." [ audience oohs ] then he sat down. >> seth: all right, that's a heavy one. >> that was followed by the longest pause in the history of man. [ light laughter ] i kidnap my best friend's baby and then i sold it for angel dust. then he sat down. seven minutes passed by, she took three sips of coffee and

this is exactly what she did. she looked at me and said, "artie, feedback?" [ laughter ] i said, "feedback? this guy could be playing chess with charles manson! feedback? what am i going to tell this guy? i failed gym. i failed gym. i don't know what to tell this guy. it could only hurt him." you know? >> seth: yeah! >> so, she wouldn't stop looking at me. so i got up and said, look. i speak in front of people for a living. i got up and i said, "listen, juan. we've all had [ bleep ] days." [ laughter ] "try as hard as you cannot to do that again." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's about as good as you can do. advice-wise, that's about as good as you can do. >> right. then another long pause happened. then juan got up. and seriously walked over to me and went -- so i fist bumped him. [ laughter ]

and we were cool after that. >> seth: that's great. >> if anybody needs angel dust or a baby -- >> seth: you know a guy. >> i know a guy. his name is juan. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you got to participate, which is something that i would think is fun, but then it could also not be fun, like directv's celebrity football. >> i worked with direct tv for a while. they have a beach bowl. >> seth: gotcha. >> where, you know, we play in a beach bowl with athletes. like, you know, stupid comedians play with these really good athletes. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and the other people in show business play. i used to be the degenerate gambler. and joe montana was this guy that was our quarterback on our team. >> seth: that would be exciting i would think. >> would be exciting for most people but to me, he's just a guy that owes me eight grand as far as i'm concerned. [ light laughter ] >> seth: gotcha. >> 'cause i used to lose a lot of money on him. but -- you know -- and i had a genuine anger towards him. >> seth: right, right. >> that's my problem. i gotta work on that. >> seth: i will say, he was one of the winningest quarterbacks of all-time. so you're not a degenerate, you're a bad gambler. you bet against joe montana. >> yeah, exactly. monday night football they would play the rams.

it was a bad bet usually. i would not mix coke and gambling. [ light laughter ] so, you know, i would always bet on something i didn't know anything about. what happened was i said to the directv people, i said, "we want to get you in because we want to promote the show you're on." i said, "i'm only going in if i quarterback." so i had to replace joe montana. [ light laughter ] so they stopped the game, they brought me out and i replaced joe montana. it was the greatest thing in the world. the first pass i threw, i hit terrell owens over the middle, and thought it was going to be a touchdown. and then, the idiot, he gets caught at the 5 yard line. it was flag football, by deion sanders. >> seth: yeah. all right, one of the best. >> right, right. okay. so now i got to throw another pass. and i'm very inconsistent in everything i do in life. i drop back, i throw another pass into the end zone, and it's intercepted by snoop doggy dogg. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's not great. >> snoop dogg intercepted it. they told us don't be rated r on the show, because kids watch. >> seth: right. >> 5-year-old kids watch. >> seth: yeah, they want to see celebrities play. >> so it's for kids. so, snoop dogg apparently didn't hear that. [ light laughter ]

he intercepts the pass and runs it back for a touchdown. when he gets into the end zone, he starts rolling an imaginary joint. [ laughter ] >> seth: not good. >> it was right at the camera too. [ laughter ] and they start, they grab him and tell him, "stop doing that." next play, he runs back -- he runs back a kickoff and scores another touchdown. >> seth: big night for snoop dogg. >> again, they tell them -- he was the mvp, actually. again they tell him, "don't be rated r or rated x." with that, after scoring the touchdown, he drills a hole into the sand with the ball, and grabs the ball as if it has hair, and has like doggy sex with the football. [ laughter ] and everybody's like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: they were probably longing for the joint roll at that point. >> wait, at that point they didn't know what to do. they go back to using drugs. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. you -- you have a great idea. i heard this idea. it seems to be a million-dollar idea about celebrity voiceovers. celebrities are always doing voiceovers. >> yeah. yeah, right.

>> seth: you think celebrities should be doing gps. >> you know, the gps in my car really freaks me out. i grew up, you know, i'm 47, and that's like black magic to me. you could be in peru and a chick tells you to make a right in 20 feet and she's right. that's weird to me. but -- i don't listen to it. but if some celebrities would do the gps, i think it would be fantastic. like if mike tyson were the gps voice. i would never not use it. i'd think of excuses to -- [ mike tyson impression ] drive 2.3 miles 'til you see a stop sign. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] when you get to the stop sign, get outta the car and make a right-hand turn. then realize you should have been in the car when you made the turn. recalculating. [ laughter ] drive another .06 miles and pull up to a sunoco station. [ laughter ] there's another thing i realized, while i was thinking of that. i had a medical discovery. that it's medically impossible

to be depressed if as mike tyson, you say "sunoco station." >> seth: oh really? >> try to be at your best friend's funeral. sunoco station. you can't be depressed. it's fantastic. >> seth: it's anti depressant. nature's anti depressant. >> prozac doesn't want you to know this, but i'm telling you. >> seth: now was mike tyson someone over the years, did you ever lose money betting on mike tyson? >> no, no, thank god. i always bet with tyson. well, actually, no, you know what's funny, when he bit evander holyfield's ear off -- >> seth: right. you had bet that no ear could be bitten? [ laughter ] >> it was a long shot. it was ten to one that no one would lose an ear. i actually lost money on tyson, too. that's right. the first holyfield fight, i lost 15 grand on him. and -- that's when you know you're degenerate when you're in vegas, and it's 4:00 a.m. and you're betting on stuff you know nothing about. and your jaw's going crazy from bad blow you got from a whore. and you know, you're walking around at 5:00 a.m., and you're saying, "did you see the high school lacrosse scores?" [ laughter ]

"i got rallipo versus sam bosco prep." >> seth: yeah, that seems like a couple -- that seems like a couple red flags. >> yeah, he's a, he's a scary guy, tyson. i wouldn't want him to know that i, you know, i've ever made fun of him. >> seth: yeah. i bet even if you told him the sunoco station thing, he'd like it. i bet even if he did it. >> maybe he would like it. but i'm not going to try that. >> seth: no, no, no. i would send an envoy to do it on your behalf. >> i'll send like, a scriptogram or something. >> seth: yeah, that's it. that's it. well thank you so much for being here. and congrats on the special. artie lange, everybody! "artie lange: the stench of failure" premieres this saturday on comedy central. we'll be right back with nicole richie. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ rock and roll music

♪ ♪ at subway.overs rejoice... where the mangalicious meatball marinara is now a famous $5 footlong. bursting with italian seasonings and our signature marinara sauce, it's a $5 footlong, all october long. ♪ subway. eat fresh.

come on! let's hide in the attic. no. in the basement. why can't we just get in the running car? are you crazy? let's hide behind the chainsaws. smart. yeah. ok. if you're in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. it's what you do. this was a good idea. shhhh. be quiet. i'm being quiet. you're breathing on me! if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. head for the cemetery! if we focusede nice less on the number

and more on how the fit makes us feel? start your day bursting with real berries. and slip into size sassy. with special k. you know how fast you were going? about 55. where you headed at such an appropriate speed? across the country to enhance the nation's most reliable 4g lte network. how's it working for ya? better than ever. how'd you do it? added cell sites. increased capacity. and your point is... so you can download music, games, and directions for the road when you need them. who's this guy? oh that's charlie. you ever put pepper spray on your burrito? i like it spicy but not like uggggh spicy. he always like this? you have no idea. at&t. the nation's most reliable 4g lte network.

the smartest or nothing. the quietest or nothing. the sleekest... ...sexiest, ...baddest, ...safest, ...tightest, ...quickest, ...harshest... ...or nothing. at mercedes-benz, we do things one way or we don't do them at all. introducing the all-new c-class. the best or nothing.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everyone. our next guest recently launched the second season of her hit web series "candidly nicole." you can see new episodes every thursday on aol. please welcome nicole richie. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: you look outstanding. >> hello! >> seth: this is a great look. i love it. >> thank you. >> seth: you're such a stylish person. >> so are you. >> seth: thank you for bringing the style in tonight. >> thank you. >> seth: if you mailed it in, it would be heartbreaking. so this show is sort of inspired by, based on your twitter account. explain what "candidly nicole" is. >> yeah. so this is how it works. the show is based off of my twitter feed, and how i treat twitter, it's to make fun of myself for not always being caught up, caught up on the latest and greatest. i just, i just can't do it. i'm a mom. it's happening so fast, you know? so -- so, i love my friends to just break it down for me. i love to say, "okay, this is what i want to know about, give me a five-minute breakdown of exactly what this is." >> seth: is it friends or everybody who follows you on twitter will sort of like-- >> the cool thing about, the cool thing about it being based

on twitter is i touch on topics that my followers gravitate towards the most. >> seth: got it. >> if i want to know more about composting, you know, a lot of people will say -- [ laughter ] it's important. >> seth: it's important. you have an earth and you need to take care of it. [ laughter ] >> exactly. exactly. and you can worm compost, which i do. it's very fun. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now, let's take a quick side story here. what is worm composting? >> so -- [ laughter ] stop laughing. so you give all of your fruits and vegetables leaves to worms. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and -- >> seth: do they stop at the house? how does it work? [ laughter ] >> no, i have two worm farms. >> seth: oh, great. >> yeah. >> seth: you have two worm farms? >> i have two, because i ended up -- well, i have one that i'm going to keep. and then, i have another one that i was actually going to give to my kids' schools. but i called both their schools and they haven't written me back. >> seth: oh my god. that's so weird. >> i know. i know.

>> seth: because you say worm farm, but i'm sure it's a weird box full of worms. >> it's -- but it's covered. [ talking over each other ] anyway, their poop, you turn it into compost, pour it into my garden, and it's really great for my fruits and vegetables. >> seth: so weird that a school doesn't want a worm poop factory. [ laughter ] >> i know. that's what i said. >> seth: what do you cover in this season of the show? >> what else? well, i wanted to get a breakdown about the guys on the corner. i don't know if you have them here a lot here in new york, but the guys on the corner that do sign spinning -- >> seth: oh, yep. sure. >> you know? >> seth: yeah. >> -- they do the twirling. i was like, "what is that world? by the way, very interesting." >> seth: is it hard? did you try to do it? did you try to -- >> it's very hard. it's very heavy. >> seth: yep. >> most of them are dancers, who knew? >> seth: now i know. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> and they have, you know, they have battles. it's a whole thing. it's a whole world. >> seth: wow. they're very -- about five minutes long? >> yeah. yeah.

they're about five minutes long. i wanted to learn a little bit more about being a spy, a cia agent. so we got an ex-cia agent to come and kind of teach me, and paul scheer, how to get out in case we were being duct taped. >> seth: oh, wow. what is the key to getting out? >> the key is, you've got to go -- when you are being tied up, you have to remember to separate your wrists, and then you cut like an "a" when you're ripping yourself out. and you can rip yourself out. >> seth: so, the key would be that they have to leave you alone in the room. [ laughter ] because it seems like a lot of this -- >> anyone that is going to kidnap me, they've got to get a drink -- >> seth: they bring the food out to the worms. [ laughter ] they probably have a worm farm, too. >> exactly. exactly. >> seth: your sister, husband in the show, your father in the show. is it easy to get your family involved? do they like doing it? >> well, my dad's desperate and loves the camera.

so that wasn't hard at all. [ laughter ] >> seth: he just immediately wants in. >> he's good. he's all good. no, but he has a great sense of humor. he, like me, he just wants people to laugh. he doesn't care if he's the center of it. you know. he just wants everybody around him to have fun. and that's kind of how i am. >> seth: now, with your father, you did a beehive episode. >> i did, yes. yes. >> seth: again, you seemed very about taking care of insects and creepy crawlies. you seem pro creepy and crawlies. >> i am. yeah i am. >> seth: you got involved, you were wondering about bees because of course, there are less bees every year. >> there are less bees. we hear they're disappearing, that they're dying. we don't know why so i wanted to get a breakdown. basically i go to this farm and i learn all about it. and i decide that i'm going to have two beehives. >> seth: you're like noah. i like that you want two of everything. [ laughter ] >> yes. everything comes in pairs. and i have two turtles. >> seth: you have two turtles, that's great. >> that's me.

>> seth: noah richie. >> i'm glad you see. >> seth: so you've got two beehives. >> so, i got two hives. i thought to myself, "how am i going to tell my dad that i'm going to put two beehives in his house. that's insane." so, this is what i did to make more sense out of it. i filmed it for my show. >> seth: okay. >> because he's a lot nicer when there's cameras around. >> seth: got it. that's very smart. >> and what i decided to do is i blindfolded him, i put his hand up to a tree, and i put him in the bee suit as he was blindfolded, and the hat, the mask, the whole thing. >> seth: he obviously didn't have the cia training. >> no, he did not. and then i walked him into the swarm of bees. >> seth: wow. so, when he was unblindfolded, he was covered in bees? >> the bees were around, yes. >> seth: how did he react? i wouldn't react well to that. >> i had an expert next to me. and he was telling him all about how important it is to have your own hives and how great it is for your garden.

>> seth: these are all things that you could be told at a coffee place, over dinner. [ laughter ] >> but you know what? we're going to have our own honey. this is so exciting. >> seth: it is great. but why do they have to be at your dad's house? why can't you have the beehives? >> no, no, no. [ laughter ] but i do want them. >> seth: now, your dad, lionel richie, obviously led a famous life, met people. he loves his kids. but you were saying, i've heard you say he does not have a lot of photos of you guys. >> no. my dad, if you walk through the house, it's a lot of photos of him with celine dion, quincy jones, obama. >> seth: that's a good one. very good ones. >> important. his dogs. >> seth: that's a bummer. >> he hasn't even looked at them in i don't know how many years. but none of me. >> seth: none of you? >> no. >> seth: that must be heartbreaking. >> he keeps the pictures of his kids upstairs. and then everything else downstairs. >> seth: the heartbreaking thing is the next time there will be individual portraits of every

bee. [ laughter ] >> exactly. >> seth: and still not one of you. >> and none of me. >> seth: he'll take them like the school photos. [ light laughter ] obviously, we talked a fair amount about wildlife here. you had a bit of a wildlife experience in your home. in l.a. which i don't people realize, there is a fair amount of wildlife in l.a. >> there is, yes. >> seth: you had a bit of an intrusion? >> i did. so, i was sitting in my kitchen with my friends, and we have cameras outside the house. and i looked in my camera, and all of a sudden i saw, now, it's nighttime so everything's, you know, black and white, and i see what looks like white tazmanian devils running so fast around my pool. and it looked like they were jumping down, and jumping out. but it was so fast. i really didn't understand what this was. so i grabbed my two friends and i was like, "yo, you guys have to come upstairs with me and we have to turn the lights on because i don't know what this is. i feel like i'm freaking out, i'm crazy right now." so i go upstairs--

keep in mind, we're inside. we keep our lights off. and we turn on the outside light. there are about 22 raccoons -- [ audience ohs ] --having a full-blown party. [ laughter ] i am not -- i am not lying to you. so one of my friends was a guy, and i said, "hayden, run outside and, you know, do your 'ahh'! try to scare them away." i don't know. >> seth: is this hayden's move? "hayden, do your classic 'ahh'!" [ laughter ] >> so he runs out. he does this thing. and instead of running away, two of them started having sex. >> seth: oh, no. [ laughter ] >> right in front of us, too. >> seth: wow. >> not one moved -- there were babies, they were this the pool. it was a summer night. and i forgot to cover my pool. >> seth: i feel like the rest of the night for me is going to be thinking about the fact that i've never had more fun at a pool party than those raccoons at yours. [ laughter ] >> by the way, they seemed like they were having -- >> seth: they were having the time of their lives. >> they weren't even going to leave for one second.

they were like, "yes, can i help you?" >> seth: one jumped off the roof and screamed, "i am the lizard king!" >> yeah. one of them was shaving their chest. [ light laughter ] >> seth: the next time you have a raccoon pool party, i would love to come. >> i would love to invite you. >> seth: thank you so much. i'll bring a garbage can. nicole richie, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] watch "candidly nicole" available on aol every thursday! we'll be right back with royal blood! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you're unpacking already? yeah. help me find some mugs? sure. ♪ [ beep ] hey. okay. -these'll do. -yeah. [ male announcer ] wake up to the mountain grown aroma of folgers. ♪ the best part of wakin' up

so, where do you want to start? i think this is a pretty good place. ♪ is folgers in your cup drove to her wedding. started my camry. did not forever hold my peace. [laughing] wow! the bold new camry. one bold choice leads to another. toyota. let's go places. ♪ woo! aw sweet! ♪ i think the ultimate goal was to create something

completely unique. and, the only way we could do that was to ask our fans for support. we hit our record, thank you so much. thanks to them, each season got bigger and crazier. ♪ i honestly don't think we could have done this anywhere but youtube. ♪ there they are. hey. clustered around power outlets... did you jiggle it? ...denied the freedom to enjoy even the most basic things. uh-huh... i gotta plug in. you coming? actually, i'm okay. don't be a wallhugger. sorry. with ultra power saving mode

on the samsung galaxy s5. the next big thing is here.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: tonight's musical guest are a british rock duo, whose self-titled debut album debuted at number one in the u.k. here to perform their hit "figure it out," please welcome royal blood! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ nothing here to see just a kid like me trying to cuss and see trying to figure it out ♪ ♪

♪ nothing better to do when i'm stuck on you i'm still and i'm here trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ ♪ getting hard to sleep but it is in my dreams love is killing me trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ ♪ nothing better to do when i'm stuck on you i'm still and i'm here trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'll let it go 'cause i won't see you later if i'm not allowed to talk it out ♪ ♪ i said i'll go put myself on a show but i'm still trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ i broke my shoe put the spell on you but you didn't know i planned it out ♪ ♪ i'll let it go 'cause i won't see you later if i'm not allowed to figure it out ♪

♪ ♪ nothing here to see just a kid like me trying to cuss and see trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ nothing better to do when i'm stuck on you i'm still and i'm here trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ ♪ i'll let it go 'cause i won't see you later if i'm not allowed to talk it out ♪ ♪ i said i'll go put myself on a show but i'm still trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ i broke my shoe put the spell on you but you didn't know i planned it out ♪ ♪ i'll let it go 'cause i won't see you later if i'm not allowed to figure it out ♪ >> yeah! ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: royal blood! their debut album is available now and you can catch them playing tomorrow night at new york's webster hall. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ]

>> seth: my thanks to artie lange, nicole richie, royal blood -- and, of course, the 8g band! stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ >> carson: hey, guys! you've tuned into "last call with carson daly." that's me from queen of the night here at the paramount hotel. thanks for being here. tonight, scottish rock invades your home when franz ferdinand performs from live nation's wiltern theater. plus, you're gonna get to know "st. vincent" filmmaker, ted melfi, in our spotlight. but right now, we pay a visit to beso in hollywood and you're gonna meet youtube superstars, grace helbig and mamrie hart. the duo has teamed up for a new social media travel adventure web series that's got them criss-crossing america and discovering all that our country has to offer all along the way. for more, let's say "hi" to grace and mamrie.