♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- robert downey jr, fran lebowitz, musical guest, zac brown band,

and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 250 british columbia! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a hot crowd right there! welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. we're here, this is it! i'm so happy. thank you so much. thank you for being here.

welcome to "the tonight show." well, here's what people are talking about. of course it's the big two hour interview with bruce jenner over on abc this past friday. everyone tuned in to watch bruce make a big announcement. >> are you a republican? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> that's right, bruce jenner declared he is a woman and a a republican. [ light laughter ] in other words, the gop finally found someone that might be able to beat hillary. so, this is very interesting. [ cheers and applause ] bruce 2016. bruce 2016. bruce 2016. that's right. [ laughter ] the big story bruce told diane sawyer, quote "for all intents and purposes i am a a woman." at which point joe biden ran in and started giving him a a shoulder rub. [ laughter ] doesn't waste any time that guy, yeah. this weekend was also the white house correspondent's dinner.

and as per tradition, president obama told a bunch of jokes to the crowd and everyone seemed to think he did a great job. in fact, he was so funny that nbc is actually thinking about giving obama his own sitcom. [ light laughter ] they even came up with a few titles for the show. check these out. first there's, "saved by michelle." [ laughter ] that's good. then there's, "the wonder ears." [ laughter ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: and finally "homeland improvement" which look's funny. [ laughter ] oh, this is not good you guys. there were reports that the russians, who hacked into the white house computer system, were able to read some of president obama's e-mail. or as putin put it, "so, he did get an e-vite to my "game of thrones" premiere party." [ laughter and applause ] "he told me it went to spam! what is this?" [ applause ] and our pal, joe biden, vice president joe biden spoke at the white house upskill

summit this weekend to talk about creating more jobs for the middle class. and as always biden is a steel trap when it comes to facts and figures. >> just 18 years ago -- well, now let me say another. [ laughter ] mechanics, $47 thousand -- $40.7 -- $40,700 a year. i sat down with a group of 15 vets they hired. [ laughter ] i think it was 17, 18 years, don't hold me to the exact number. uh -- well, no, i won't go into it. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's why i'm running for president in 3016. well, wait -- i'm sorry. [ laughter ] i think he might need a a shoulder rub after that, yeah. of course hillary clinton's presidential campaign is in full swing. she has organized a support team in all 50 states while her potential opponents are still in only one state, denial. [ laughter and applause ] and many believe that during

her speech in new york city last week, hillary clinton was channeling president obama. especially because that speech uh -- still uh -- hasn't uh -- ended yet. uh -- [ laughter and applause ] "now look uh -- " that's right, many believe that hillary clinton was channeling president obama during her speech in new york city. yep, she focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her growing up as a young black man in hawaii. [ laughter and applause ] i heard the daytime emmy awards -- this weekend at the daytime emmy awards both "days of our lives and "the young and the restless" won for best drama, when there was a tie. [ dramatic music ] ♪ >> tariq: what do you mean there was a tie? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it means both shows were deemed the best. [ laughter ] >> tariq: well, how can that be when "days" is clearly the better show?

[ slap sound ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: how dare you! if anything, "y and r" is the better show. [ slap sound ] [ laughter ] [ slap sound ] [ laughter ] >> james: that's it. stop fighting! i can't hide it anymore. i'm -- pregnant. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so dramatic. a lot of drama there. [ laughter ] that's the most i ever acted my whole career. [ laughter ] i need a shoulder rub. i really do. >> steve: want me to call biden? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. you guys see this? stephen hawking was doing a a q & a this weekend with a a crowd in sydney, australia where he appeared as a hologram from his home in cambridge. he got asked an interesting question. take a look at this. >> what do your think is the cosmological effect of zayn leaving one direction.

and consequentially breaking the hearts of millions of teenaged girls across the world. >> finally, a question about something important. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes! that's great. he actually ended up giving a a complicated answer in which he says, that there will be another universe -- there may be another universe where zayn is still with the group. then he said, "at least that is what i keep telling myself." [ laughter and applause ] [ stephen hawking voice ] you don't know you're beautiful. and finally i saw that an all-male hooters inspired restaurant is opening up in dallas called "tallywackers." [ cheers and applause ] when asked what you need to work there, the manager said, "a sock." [ light laughter ] we have a great show, give it up for the roots, everybody!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. before we get started we all saw what happened in nepal over the weekend and every day this week we'll be highlighting a a different way to help the people affected by the earthquake. so, tonight text nepal to 20222 and it donates $10 to save the children's nepal earthquake emergency relief fund. thank you to "save the children" and thanks for your donation. [ cheers and applause ] as always we're so happy to be back. we have a great week of shows coming up. jeremy renner will be here, edie falco. [ cheers and applause ] kristen wiig will be joining us this week! >> steve: oh >> jimmy: and later this week, scarlett johansson and i are

going face off in a game of box of lies. [ applause ] i'm very excited. thursday night, blur will be making their first u.s. television performance in 16 years. [ applause ] and we'll be closing out the week with helen hunt and jesse eisenberg and music from my morning jacket. you don't want to miss it. thank you, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] but first, he's the biggest movie star around and we are thrilled to have him joining us tonight. from "avengers: age of ultron," robert downey jr. is here! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: couldn't get cooler. >> jimmy: he's a cool human being. >> steve: coolest. >> jimmy: later on the show, robert and i are going to have some fun with an emotional interview. [ laughter ] plus i can't wait to talk to this woman. she is a fantastic writer. one of my favorite people. fran lebowitz is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: already i'm laughing. she couldn't be better. and of course we have one of the biggest bands in country music, zac brown band is here! [ cheers and applause ]

hot show. hot show to be back. guys, i always say are show's lucky to have the greatest band in late night. the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] but, it isn't always fun and games. from time to time we put the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it's time for "freestyling with the roots" let's hear it. ♪ time to freestyle with the roots ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey roots! you guys, ready to do this? >> the roots: yes! >> jimmy: alright, here we go, let's pick someone. who wants the roots to write a a song about them? who wants it? [ cheers and applause ] this could be anyone. the roots could write a song about anyone here. yeah, you want to do it? that's for you. there you go. how are you? what is your name? >> victoria.

>> jimmy: victoria. very good. victoria -- victoria, where are you from? >> queens. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: victoria from queens! very good, very good. queens. victoria from queens. spring is finally here almost, maybe? yeah. the weather's warming up. what's your favorite thing to do in the spring? >> eat ice cream. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. eat ice cream. i do it year round. but uh -- spring is definitely a great time to eat ice cream. [ laughter ] have you tried it in summer? it's even -- it's almost better. [ laughter ] yeah. guys, we have our pal victoria, she is from queens, and her favorite thing to do since it is springtime it's time to eat ice cream. this is the time of year when kids line up. oh, yeah. they put their sweaters on. they go out and the ice cream truck comes down the street. yeah, yeah. things are starting -- flowers are starting to bloom and they are running out to the ice cream truck. [ laughter ] this is the perfect time. so this first one, prince william and kate middleton are expecting their second baby this week. so roots, in honor of that can

you do a british invasion style song? something like uh -- beatles, stones -- herman's hermits something. ♪ ♪ victoria from queens it's okay you know you look like one ♪ ♪ don't you know you're a queen and that's where you're from ♪ ♪ when the weather starts warming up in new york city make me feel so young ♪ ♪ now what i want to do is your favorite thing to do too now that spring has sprung ♪ ♪ just go out for ice cream just go out for ice cream tonight dough flavor ♪ ♪ go out for ice cream just go out for ice cream ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. hey, nice to meet you. thank you so much for doing that. i appreciate that.

let me go around here. [ cheers and applause ] i'll walk up with you if you don't mind. i'll just step through here. hey, how you doin'? hi, how are you? how you doin'? [ laughter ] sorry about that. how are you? oops, sorry about that. [ laughter ] i apologize. sorry. i put in my resume at "tallywackers" by the way. [ laughter and applause ] just wanted to let you know that. you'll be seeing me if you go to dallas. apologize. my goodness. [ laughter ] thank you, sir. don't move. don't worry about me i'll just go around you. i apologize. thank you so much. oh my goodness. thank you, thank you, thank you. here i am. [ cheers and applause ] you know what you did! [ cheers and applause ] hey. how are you, buddy? you can hold this. this is for you. how are you? what is your name? >> dan. >> jimmy: dan. very good, dan. okay, dan, "avengers: age of ultron" is coming to theaters this friday, okay? going to be a big huge

superhero movie. if you were a superhero what would your superhero name be? >> dan the man. >> jimmy: dan the man. [ laughter ] dan the man. pretty good. i like that. not like, dan-man? >> no, dan the man. >> jimmy: dan the man. dan the man-man. >> the mad man. >> jimmy: no, dan the man-man. >> the man-man. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. like superman, ironman, dan the man-man. >> yes, dan the man-man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dan the man-man. good. see, team work. that's what it's all about. now, dan the man-man. what would your superpower be? if dan the man, man shows up, he'd be like -- do you wear sunglasses? does that sound cool? you have -- >> telekinesis. mind powers. >> jimmy: really? [ laughter ] he has another set of glasses there. that could be something. no, telekinesis? >> uh -- >> jimmy: no, that's fine. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe you just wanted

me to say that. and you made me say that. i like it. that's how good dan the man-man is. [ applause ] that's pretty good. i like that. roots we have my man dan -- sorry. sorry, not my man dan, he's just my friend dan and if he was a superhero, he would be -- his superhero name would be dan the man-man. his superpower would be telekinesis. [ laughter ] for this last one, joan jett was recently inducted into the rock 'n' roll hall of fame. so, roots can you do a a joan jett style song? ♪ ♪ i said hey avengers ultron's ready to go gonna be huge for whoever's into superheroes ♪ ♪ dan i'm glad you came let's use your super name ♪ ♪ tell me what your

superpowers are please 'cause i wanna know ♪ ♪ and he said dan the man man came to play ♪ ♪ telekinesis saves the day dan the man man came to play ♪ ♪ telekinesis saves the day dan the man man came to play telekinesis saves the day ♪ ♪ dan the man man you're the man ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! dan the man-man! thanks to these guys. thanks to you guys. thanks to the roots. we'll be right back with robert downey jr. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

now that you've switched to taco bell breakfast, what do you eat? i've got the chicken biscuit taco. and i've got the egg, bacon and cheese biscuit taco. i don't want to be the spokesperson for the south, but, this is as good as mama's cooking. my name is mary. my name is dominic. and i am a breakfast defector! ♪ [bong!] we want a spirited performance. who offers the most horsepower? lincoln mkc.

we also want clever thinking in a tight spot. anyone offer hands-free in and out park assist? lincoln mkc. bra-vo. the lincoln luxury uncovered event is on. lease the mkc for $329 a month. and for a limited time competitive owners and lessees get one-thousand dollars bonus cash. is the naturally refreshing way to enjoy your meals. it's the flavour we all savour, does any food a favor... you gotta be (ah) more (ah) tea! tea-riffic! lipton. be more tea. and now try iced tea in a squeeze. like a cheez-it ande the best a chip. worlds. ooooh, you just put 'em together. yes. closer. cloooooser... (cheese makes kissing noises) they're kissing! (cheese laughs uncontrollably) we take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy cheez-it grooves. get ahead of the curve with t-mobile. and get your hands on the new samsung galaxy s6 edge all for just zero down, now nothing is holding you back.

get it today. at t-mobile.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a two-time academy award- nominated actor who plays iron man in the hugely anticipated movie, "avengers: age of ultron," which opens in theaters and imax 3d this

friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome robert downey jr.! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there he goes! no! [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. that's what i'm saying, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] the audience, they love, they love you. [ cheers and applause ] they love you! >> it is very pleasant to be loved. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is pleasant to be loved. i want to say before we start the interview, happy belated 50th birthday? >> yep.

>> jimmy: oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ happy fiftieth. >> having fun -- >> jimmy: and you had a crazy blowout, from what i read. my invitation must have been lost in the mail. [ laughter ] you know how it -- you know where i am pretty much every night. it's no big deal. but you had a lot of people. probably over 30 people were there. probably, right? >> we had -- >> jimmy: 31. you know? >> yeah, you weren't invited. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you could have just skirted around the issue. >> by the way, it would have been -- it would have been great to have you there. >> jimmy: it would. i would have loved to have been there. >> yeah. but the invite, i guess, was prohibitive. >> jimmy: i'll never know. i'll never know what it feels like. >> i need to tell -- here's a a couple things that happened. it was very disorienting when you came in, you came through a a white tunnel. >> jimmy: this was at your birthday party? >> it represented the '60s. so, "it's my party and i'll cry if i want to" was playing. and there was, like, old vietnam-era footage. >> jimmy: wow. >> then a bunch of other stuff happened. and then at the end i required people to go down a yellow slide into a ball pit. >> jimmy: come on, that's what

i'm talking about. that's a birthday party right there. >> i couldn't believe it. i said, "i want a slide and a a ball pit." they're like, "all right, we can do that." i was like, "really?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "but mommy i wanted it!" >> oh, cool, yeah. but then you have amazing musical taste, i know that. but you had duran duran and steely dan played at your birthday. >> i know. it was wildly indulgent and i'm a little bit -- >> jimmy: no. >> no? you're right, what was i thinking? it's the least i can do. >> jimmy: if they could do it, they would do it all the time. >> it's kind of a big year. you know, it's half a century and all that. >> jimmy: yeah. and gosh you couldn't have picked two more fun -- duran duran is one -- hands down, "late night," i always say one of the best bands that ever played "late night." they just -- simon le bon -- they just go for. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love that band. >> a buddy of mine's wife threw her bra on stage. >> jimmy: yes! [ laughter ] yes. that's what it is all about. >> when i saw that happen, i said "i think we're having a a really good time." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then you had to exit on the inflatable slide. which is great. >> some people opted around the slide. >> jimmy: no. >> but if you did go down the

slide, we have a picture of you, looking like, you know. [ laughter ] that was the only photos. and i asked that people not bring cell phones and that was helpful too. >> jimmy: i know you doing a a lot of press for this, so i'm gonna try to keep it painless for you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: when you all these stars going to the -- is it tough having all these -- you have at least ten giant stars going to the "avengers" things. >> right. i mean, you know what? it's so great and we genuinely love the movie and we think it turned out well and we like each other's company. and then there's just what happens when you're, like, giddy and tired and you're in all these countries and you know. we're just all dummies. >> jimmy: which is great, 'cause you can see that in the film. and you watch it and you go, "i wish i could just hang out there just for a day." >> sure. >> jimmy: cause i do. oh, you can? >> that you can. it's like working with mercury trying to get ten -- the band seems to function very well. how do you guys -- how do you do it? >> jimmy: no, no, no. sometimes we do the show without questlove and it's fine. we cgi him in later. [ laughter ] >> it's like working with mercury. it's a bunch of different personalities. >> jimmy: but also when everyone is getting giddy and

stuff, and it's hard to keep -- >> well, we like to have fun. >> jimmy: you should have fun. do you improvise a lot on set? because there's a couple of lines that i go, i think that's a robert downey jr. original. >> well, if you thought so, just imagine it was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. good. >> jimmy: let's talk about this movie. it's a giant, biggest thing in the whole wide world. is there anything to really talk about or explain? people know the avengers or they don't. >> well, you know, bruce banner and tony stark have a a contingency plan that if he gets out of control we bring in veronica. >> jimmy: veronica is the chubby iron man. >> sure. [ light laughter ] i wouldn't necessarily describe him like that. >> jimmy: iron man is like this iron man. >> exactly. >> jimmy: -- cuter, almost stuffed animal kind of iron man. >> it's not "big hero 6." this is a bad-ass thing. >> jimmy: you are touching on a a point. yeah, he's cute. yeah. >> it's called the "hulk buster" armor. >> jimmy: the "hulk buster" armor. >> that sounds pretty butch if you ask me. >> jimmy: he's pretty darn cute. yeah, yeah, yeah. i do wanna say --

it's called veronica. i didn't know what that was. you go, "veronica, come down here." >> that's right. >> jimmy: which i don't think you improvised that. >> no, i didn't. i'm not just making up random names. >> jimmy: you're recreating the marvel universe. >> come on down, petunia. [ laughter ] what are you talking about? we gotta change. all right, i'll give you veronica, but that's it. >> jimmy: it comes down -- >> i know, i love that stuff. >> jimmy: it's so fun. it's what a fun movie. i would recommend seeing it in imax, because it's such a giant movie. and it kicks off -- it almost feels like a a james bond movie when it starts out. it starts out in the action. >> yeah, it's really good. i think it's the best one. >> jimmy: it's a great one. we have a clip. here's robert downey jr. in "avengers: age of ultron." take a look at this. >> you listen to me. that little witch is messing with your mind. you're stronger than her. you're smarter than her. you're bruce banner. [ roar ] right, don't mention puny banner.

>> okay. ♪ in the back? dick move, banner. >> jimmy: cute. [ cheers and applause ] so cute. more with robert downey jr. when we come back, everybody. come on! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ strong can heal from miles away. ...unite us for a common good. ...and turn a simple video into endless laughter.

strong can take you... ...all the way to the summit. oh my! so cool! think what strong can do for you. can i play too? at&t's network now has the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. prizes need winning, at subway. grab a 30-ounce drink or doritos snacks for a chance to win subs for life, movie tickets, and more. and catch marvel's avengers: age of ultron, in theaters may 1st. subway. where super heroes eat. ♪

♪ ♪ proof of less joint pain. this is my body of proof. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis from the inside out... with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. doctors have been prescribing humira for nearly 10 years. >>humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure.

before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. >>visit humira.com and talk to your rheumatologist. humira. this is a body of proof!

tests don't measure, a part of very frankly,ized they don't measure the diligence, the potential passion of a student. so it's really a measure of how adept you are to working out a problem quickly. but what if you're brilliant and it might take you twenty minutes, but you can figure out something, if you were just given time to do it and show real brilliance. is that a real measure of ability and intelligence?

what you can do in one minute on a problem? get out of here. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we are here with the amazing robert downey jr. that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] oh, yeah. robert downey jr. you know, now, you are a great actor. i love you. you're such an amazing actor. i think that means that you are in touch with your emotions. would you say that's true? >> um -- i mean, i'd say i'm an emotional chameleon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's see how emotional we can get. it's time for an emotional interview. ♪ emotional interview ooh yes ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, so here's how it works. we're going to have a normal conversation with each other. except every so often we're going to hear this ding sound -- [ ding ] --and when we hear that we'll be given an emotion or situation that we have to act out as we keep talking. are you ready for this? okay, here we go.

[ laughter ] he's getting in to character -- as you. [ light laughter ] okay. here we go. [ ding ] when did you know that you wanted to be an actor? >> well, knowing is something that is very particular to the soul. [ laughter ] to know is to understand the question is already answered in it's asking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you are asking, aren't you answering at the same time? i think it was gordon verbunkt who said -- [ laughter ] "life is like a clam. when it opens you got to grab the gooey stuff." [ laughter ] [ ding ] of course, what would i know? i just won a couple of emmys. [ laughter ] i don't know anything about this. i got them in the office and stuff like that. but i don't know. i just -- i don't -- it's just like, it's just a a desk, and i don't like it, so you got millions of -- >> that's enough out of you.

when i -- [ laughter ] --bought this suit i didn't know if it was going to be a a little tight or if the fit was going to be good or if -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i wonder if the tailor did his job or not. >> jimmy: the fun thing is, like, i guess i'll just have a a head of hair for the rest of my life. [ laughter ] it's just my real -- [ ding ] [ laughter ] but you know, when i get my haircut -- [ laughter ] i got my haircut the other day. i got my haircut right before the show. [ laughter ] right before the show. i got my haircut -- [ ding ] but i don't know. i mean, you know what? i shouldn't even be -- you should be asking the questions. i should just go home. [ laughter ] >> i don't even know why you still have me on this show when i think about it. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: you know what? no. you should be hosting the show and i should be down, getting my tighty whiteys tailored to make them smaller, because i don't even have a -- [ laughter ] -- i have a tiny penis. [ ding ] [ laughter and applause ] oh, my gosh. did you -- did you change your

number? did you change your phone number? >> no, same number for ten years, buddy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's so -- that's so interesting. well, anyway. i mean, that was just -- just great having you on the show. >> that's it? >> jimmy: yeah. of course. what do you mean? everything's great. >> of course. >> jimmy: no, i'm just saying. whatever. everyone has a good year. some have better years than others -- [ laughter ] >> anything significant maybe about this year? >> jimmy: yeah, it's the year of robert downey jr. [ laughter ] this is it, "avengers" this is the thing. [ ding ] >> you know what? [ laughter ] i feel like i could just fall asleep on this live show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it doesn't really bother me at all. >> jimmy: i forgot to mention it was your birthday. happy birthday. my favorite birthday parties are when people all hide behind the furniture. [ laughter ] >> i'm so relaxed i can't even hear you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they wait until you -- [ ding ] they wait til you walk in, and

then, "surprise!" bang, there it is, lamborghini. what does that feel like? you know? [ laughter ] >> is that a kind of -- oh, that's sausage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it might be. it very well may be. >> you know what's so funny? i was come doing here in this -- from around the corner in the black thing with wheels -- [ laughter ] and on the way here i was thinking -- >> jimmy: a car? >> a pardon? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you come here in a a car? >> a car? >> jimmy: a car? yeah. >> a car. oh, you mean a card. you mean, like, what you send to somebody on their birthday when you don't forget it? [ laughter ] [ buzz ] >> jimmy: i forgot. happy birthday! i forgot. [ cheers and applause ] there you have it. that's an emotional interview with robert downey jr. "avengers: age of ultron" is in theaters and imax 3d on friday. fran lebowitz is joining us after the break! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the hotels.com app can help you find a great deal

on a hotel room. however, it won't help you if you lock yourself out of your hotel room in your underpants. thanks captain obvious. no need to thank me, since i haven't helped you in the slightest. no matter what i need you to stay focused. don't take your eyes off of the screen. sfx: drill noise. sfx: puppies barking.

wrestlers: ahhh!! grrr!!! owwweee! it's hard to stay focused. text message alerts from chevy let you send a text response at the touch of a button ... so you can focus on driving. this will make it a little easier to keep my eye on the road. its amazing. ♪ will you be a sound sleeper, or a mouth breather. a mouth breather! well, put on a breathe right strip and shut your mouth. allergy medicines open your nose over time, but add a breathe right strip and pow! it instantly opens your nose up to 38% more. so you can breathe and sleep. add breathe right to your allergy medicine. shut your mouth and sleep right. breathe right and look for the calming scent of breathe right lavender in the sleep aisle. break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals.

ice breakers. one coat coverage,) one coat guaranteed, one happy couple. marquee, behr's most advanced paint and primer, only at the home depot. ♪ ♪ ♪ it's summertime... when you say it's summertime, with the new mango passion fruit coolatta from dunkin'. grab any small coolatta for $1.99.

america runs on dunkin'.

with guacamole made from real avocados, tomatoes, cilantro, and lime, the new bacon guacamole flatbread. ole, indeed! america runs on dunkin'. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i think our next guest is mad at me, because she thinks i stole her apartment. you were the one who told me this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. okay, yeah. our next guest is a celebrated writer and a new york legend. i love her. i couldn't be more excited to welcome her to the show. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome fran lebowitz. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much for coming on. you look great. now, are you -- you look upset maybe a little. you think that i'm -- not only did i steal your -- you think i'm stealing your life, is what i'm hearing. >> no, no, no. not my life. that's not a problem. >> jimmy: okay. >> my apartment. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. what do you mean by this? >> you know very well what i mean by this. [ light laughter ]

i found an apartment. i spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out how i could afford this apartment, which i couldn't afford. when i finally figured out a a way to afford the apartment i couldn't afford, i discovered someone else made an actual offer on the apartment. and that person turned out to be you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and it's a beautiful place. it's fantastic. [ laughter ] >> and then -- >> jimmy: come by whenever you'd like to. >> but i didn't know it was you for, like, months. >> jimmy: yeah, i ran into you recently at a restaurant. >> you did. luckily for you, months later. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were much calmer. yeah. >> not that much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: monkey bar. it was great, and you were -- i acted calm, and i went up to you and said, "hey, fran, great to see you. how are you?" >> you notice there wasn't a a huge smile on my face. and when i said to you about the apartment, you said, "but you know what, my wife's fixing it up. it's going to be great." and i could see that you had the expectation that in some way i would be happy for you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you should, because i was saying i just had another baby and so we needed more space. so --

>> you had a baby named what? francis! [ laughter ] is there anything else i could do for you, jimmy? [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god. you just take over the show. >> perhaps i can give you your own show. >> jimmy: thank you so much. well, i said to you, "that's right, francis." i forgot to tell you, i buried the lede. i did name my daughter francis. i go -- >> that wasn't enough. then you said, "what were you called when you were little, fran? because we're not sure what to call her." so i said, "i was called francie," and now i understand that's what you call her. >> jimmy: it's a perfect nickname for her. [ laughter ] >> it's a perfect nickname. >> jimmy: no, she has her own identity and she's her own baby. we don't -- i'm not stealing anything. this is a picture of the baby. [ laughter ] she's got her own personality. >> yes, but -- no cigarettes. >> jimmy: no cigarette. no, not yet. she's not old enough. >> i will offer to teach your daughter to smoke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would you want to teach her how to smoke? you can't --

>> because probably you're not good at it. >> jimmy: i am not good at it, actually, yeah. you were nice enough to give me this children's book when my first daughter was born, and i appreciate that. and you autographed it, "to winnie." and i was just wondering if you could update it for francie. [ laughter ] 'cause she would love it! come on, she would -- >> could i lend you some money or something? [ laughter ] do you have a car? >> jimmy: no, i -- >> i'm sure you do. >> jimmy: i don't. i drive a truck, actually. [ light laughter ] do i look like a truck-driving guy? >> no. no you don't. [ laughter ] maybe a little -- one of those little trucks. >> jimmy: a little tiny truck? that'd be good. >> this is good, because i'm not giving you another one. so she can share this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! >> because she -- you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she has her own apartment. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's great. >> and i know her name. >> jimmy: yeah. i just want to make sure i'm getting it right there. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: perfect. francie. yeah. >> this is what happened to my younger sister, right? [ laughter ]

when i was -- i'm the older sister. so my sister, who was younger, got my clothes and your daughter is getting her books. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> you see? but her own apartment, so -- okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't -- you're not going to give it up for me, because i'm wearing your glasses and trying to do a bit. you get it? >> i didn't notice. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: we should go to a a comedy club one night. i have to say, fran, i always love everything i read about you. you are very witty and very funny and i read something at elle.com -- not the letter l but e-l-l-e.com -- about fashion and they interviewed you. >> is that your favorite magazine? elle? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but the girls like it. but i don't know how, someone sent it to me, because they know i'm a fan of yours, and i read it. and i laughed out loud. >> jimmy: after that you talked about how young people today -- should come out and i should be

shocked of what the fashions they're wearing, and they're not even wearing any crazy fashions." >> no, no, i didn't say it wasn't crazy. i said that -- not just clothes but -- like, you were talking to robert downey jr., and you were talking about vinyl. okay, so, every single thing comes back. you know, it never really goes away. and so i was saying that their job -- the job of people who are young is to do something new. annoy me not with boring me with things i already saw. but something new that annoys me. instead of something old that annoys me. i went to a birthday party. i get invited to birthday parties. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] ♪ i went to a birthday party of someone who was 30 years old and i knew every single song that was playing. now that shouldn't be. shouldn't be. and why did i recognize them?]e because there were songs from when i was young. i'm hoping they would do something actually new. that's what i meant. >> jimmy: i'm hoping i can be that new annoying thing for you.

>> you're not young enough. [ laughter ] you're that old annoying that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fran lebowitz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] zac brown band performs after the break. stick around, everybody. please come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ whiand repeat themselves..... we choose to carve our own path, in the pursuit of exhilaration. the 306 horsepower lexus gs. experience the next level of performance, and there's no going back. lease the 2015 gs 350 f sport with complementary navigation system for these terms. see your lexus dealer.

like a cheez-it ande the best a chip. worlds. ooooh, you just put 'em together. yes. closer. cloooooser... (cheese makes kissing noises) they're kissing! (cheese laughs uncontrollably) we take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy cheez-it grooves. it feels like that brick's. on your face? try zyrtec®-d to powerfully clear your blocked nose and relieve your other allergy symptoms. so you can breathe easier all day. zyrtec®-d. find it at the pharmacy counter. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ intdegree dry spray 48 hour superior antiperspirant protection. does your antiperspirant feel dry and clean like this?

new degree dry spray, instantly dry for a cleaner feel. ♪ why am i so awake? did you know your brain has a wake system... and a sleep system? science suggests when you have insomnia, the neurotransmitters in your wake system may be too strong, which may be preventing you from getting the sleep you need. talk to your doctor about ways to manage your insomnia. t-mobile is breaking the rules of wireless. and the samsung galaxy s6 edge is breaking the rules of design. can't get your hands on it because you're locked down by a carrier? break free t-mobile will pay every penny of your switching fees. get ahead of the curve and get your hands on the galaxy s6 edge for $0 down at t-mobile today.

♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: quickly, i want to mention, fran has her own magnets. a lot of people can't say they have their own magnets. [ laughter ] this is very exciting. look at this. think before you speak read before you think. that's what i'm talking about. new york public library. that's so cool. i want to work on a magnet. [ applause ] >> this is a benefit for the new york public library. >> jimmy: yes, benefit for the new york public library. >> which has a gift shop. because otherwise, no one will go to the library apparently. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys, our next guests are about to kick off a a massive u.s. stadium tour. i know, this is so exciting. here to perform "tomorrow never comes" off their forthcoming album "jekyll and hyde," please welcome zac brown band! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i've been climbing my way through the sky searching for answers that i'll never find ♪ ♪ losing my breath as i fall learning to fly letting go of it all ♪

♪ learning to fly letting go of it all ♪ ♪ i've been trying to open my eyes take it all in as the world passes by ♪ ♪ getting lost in twists and the turns ♪ ♪ finding these questions inside me still burn finding these questions inside me still burn ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm gonna live like tomorrow never comes ♪ ♪ there's no end in sight tonight we blackout the sun ♪ ♪ ♪ better hold on tight before you know it's gone ♪ ♪ ♪ and live like tomorrow never comes ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ woah ♪ ♪ ♪ woah ♪ ♪ ♪ woah woah woah woah ♪ ♪ ♪ i've been looking with some kind of sign trying to hold on in this race against time ♪

♪ can't say where the next bend might be that is the beauty in life's mystery ♪ e ♪ that is the beauty in life's mystery ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm gonna live like tomorrow never comes ♪ ♪ ♪ there's no end in sight tonight we blackout the sun ♪ ♪ ♪ better hold on tight before you know it's gone ♪ ♪ ♪ and live like tomorrow never comes woah woah woah woah ♪

♪ there's no end in sight tonight we'll blackout the sun woah woah woah woah ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: zac brown band! "jekyll and hyde" is available now! we'll be right back! that's the way to do it, man. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to robert downey, fran lebowitz, zac brown band! and the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night and i hope to see you tomorrow.

bye, bye, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]