tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC July 9, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am EDT
except this. go back, go back, go back, go back, go back, go back. fios custom tv lets you pay for the types of channels you want, not the ones you don't. 100% fiber optics is here. get out of the past. get fios. now for $79.99 a month. go online or call. call the verizon center for customers with disabilities at 800.974.6006 tty/v ♪ >> elmo: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- colin farrell jason schwartzman and elmo!
hi, mom! and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 283! >> elmo: and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ha ha! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey! lookin' great over here! thank you very, very much! welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome. you're here. you made it. this is the "tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] i want to thank you for being here big time. i'm your host, jimmy fallon. before we start, i just want to remind everyone that there are just three days left until father's day.
but more importantly, there are 324 days left until next mother's day. [ cheers and applause ] which is the one we really want to focus on. let's be honest. that's the one. and of course, i want to thank -- i want to welcome elmo, who is our guest announcer tonight. elmo! hey! [ cheers and applause ] >> elmo: hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. which can only mean one thing -- higgins is somewhere being tickled by strangers. [ laughter ] >> elmo: that's hilarious! >> jimmy: let's get to some news here, everybody. [ laughter ] the republican presidential field continues to grow, and this week donald trump became the 12th candidate to announce that he's running. [ cheers ] making him the 16th -- i know, he's great. [ laughter ] making him the 16th candidate overall. it's hard to keep up, so we've created a short reel to bring you up to speed on who's running. >> i am announcing that i'm running -- >> for president of the united states. >> and i'm a candidate -- >> for president of the -- >> united states. >> i am a candidate -- >> for president -- >> of the united states. >> and i'm running -- >> for president --
>> of the united states. >> i'm really rich. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: is that helpful? did you see this? after donald trump announced that he's running for president, cher went on a a twitter rant and said that he's an obnoxious a-hole. at which point trump took down all of his cher posters. [ light laughter ] wish i could turn back time. [ laughter ] i saw that hillary clinton signed a note for a nine year-old boy, this week, which explained to his teacher that he was missing school to meet her. and this is nice -- in exchange, the kid wrote hillary a note saying his dog ate her emails. [ laughter and applause ] that's so sweet. very nice of him. it was nice of hillary to sign that kid's note. but it wasn't all good news for students. take a look at what hillary had to say earlier this week. >> the longer school year for a a lot of kids makes a lot of sense. a longer school day for a lot
of kids makes a lot of sense. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] of course, that does help explain some of the macaroni art coming out of kindergarten this week that i saw. it's just very interesting. [ laughter and applause ] now i get it. oh, yeah, yeah. this is pretty big. the obama administration announced that a woman will replace alexander hamilton on the $10 bill starting in 2020. [ cheers and applause ] i think it's great, and i want to be the first person to congratulate caitlyn hamilton. [ laughter ] you be you. you be you. [ applause ] you be you. get this, i heard that former naacp leader rachel dolezal, who lied about being black, is receiving offers to star in a a reality show about her life. they've even got a pretty catchy title -- "keeping up with the caucasians." [ laughter ] ♪ [ applause ]
check this out. i read that the olympic sport of racewalking is facing a lot of scrutiny in russia. many of its athletes are being accused of using illegal drugs. so it got awkward when the athletes were like, "well, you're gonna have to catch us first." [ laughter ] all right, officer. i won't leave. i promise. let's go guys. [ light laughter ] well, this is all over the place today. i guess a wedding photographer was trying to shoot video of a a couple's first dance, and, well, check out what happens to him. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what the dj meant when he told everyone to "hit the dance floor." [ laughter ] and anyone who's ever paid for a wedding photographer was like, "yes." [ laughter ] and, finally, pretty big deal for us in new york. yesterday was the 130th anniversary of the statue of liberty's arrival in new york harbor. [ cheers and applause ]
apparently it was shipped from europe in more than 300 pieces, which explains the box it arrived in. [ laughter ] we have a great show, everybody. give it up for the roots, right there! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, everybody, welcome to our show! thank you so much. i really want to thank our special guest announcer tonight, elmo. thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> elmo: thank you. thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: thank you, elmo. this is the first time we've had a 3-year-old monster announcing the show. and congrats on your cook book, buddy. >> elmo: thank you. >> jimmy: elmo, "let's cook" right there. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> elmo: yeah. uh-huh. >> jimmy: you're going to cook for us a little later on later tonight, right? >> elmo: that's right, but not
much later, jimmy. okay? it's all ready past elmo's bedtime. so come on. >> jimmy: it's been a great week so far and there's more ahead. tomorrow night, vince vaughn and jim gaffigan will be here! [ cheers and applause ] i love vince vaughn. i love jim gaffigan. we have music from ryn weaver. and, of course, "thank you" notes. you don't want to miss tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] but first, joining us tonight, one of the stars of the new "true detective" anthology on hbo, colin farrell is in the house! [ cheers and applause ] people love colin farrell. they love him. colin will fill us in on the new season of "true detective." then he and i are playing a a brand new game called "true confessions." [ cheers ] along with a very special guest. so stick around for that. [ audience oohs ] yeah. plus, we love it when this guy comes to the show. he's always game. he's always down for something weird or something fun. so of course why make it any different tonight? it's going be fun. he has a new movie called, "the overnight." he's very funny in it. jason schwartzman is here, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] every time he's great. and then, this monster has a
a new cook book out called "sesame street: let's cook." tonight we're cooking with my pal, and our guest announcer, elmo, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. oh, wow. so shy. how shy. guys, it is time for the "tonight show" hashtags. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] it's fun. elmo, you don't use twitter, do you? you're too young. >> elmo: elmo uses twitter. elmo has a twitter. @elmo. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> elmo: elmo thinks so. elmo's not sure. [ laughter ] does elmo have a twitter? sure. >> jimmy: elmo's not sure. well, we use twitter on our show every single week. so if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out
things based on that topic. so, since father's day is sunday, i went on twitter and started a hashtag called #dadquotes. and i asked you guys to tweet out something funny, weird or embarrassing that your dad has said. we got thousands of tweets. within 25 minutes it was a a worldwide trending topic. [ cheers and applause ] so there's a lot of dad quotes out there. now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite dad quote tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @banno47. he says, "my dad doesn't do cardio on the treadmill. he puts a rum and coke in the cup holder and calls it 'bacardio'." [ laughter and applause ] that's pretty clever. this one's from @jeremyart he says, "we were watching 20-year-old home movies. my dad walked in and said 'hey, what are you guys watching?' he was wearing the same shirt as in the video." [ laughter and applause ] sounds like my dad. my dad wears the same -- yeah. this one's from @kevinyelps he says, "while we were on a road trip, my dad said 'i don't know where we are, but we're making good time." [ laughter ]
that's important. i don't know where we are, but this is pretty good. we got another hour. this one's from @alifellinlove. she says, "during thanksgiving dinner, my dad looked up from his plate with gravy on his lips and said 'gravy, man's lip gloss.'" [ laughter and applause ] >> elmo: that's gross. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> elmo: disgusting! >> jimmy: all right, yeah, yeah. >> elmo: like, really, really -- >> jimmy: all right, good. all right, elmo. >> elmo: like, why would -- okay. >> jimmy: i know. [ light laughter ] this one's from @stevedaly. he says, "barber -- how would you like your haircut, sir? dad -- in silence." [ laughter ] ♪ yeah. ooh. got a little bit of your ear there. sorry. [ light laughter ] this one's from @balski78. she says, "my granddad told me 'you're not completely worthless. you can be used as a bad example.' [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] grandpa! oh, my gosh.
this one's from @fiarlyhairy. >> elmo: elmo think they live on sesame street! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, that's not your twitter handle. >> elmo: that's right. that's not elmo's. >> jimmy: no. @fairlyhairy. he says, "regarding milk, my dad said 'who was the first guy to grab a cow udder and say i'm going to drink whatever comes out of this?'" [ laughter ] should work on a stand-up act. sounds like a funny dad. >> elmo: that's gross. >> jimmy: i know. sorry, elmo. it is gross. >> elmo: it's gross. >> jimmy: this last one here is from @maggiekane1. she says, "my dad said 'you know what i need? a selfie stick.' so whenever i see someone taking a selfie, i can hit them with the stick.'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you have it. those are "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. we'll be back with colin farrell, everybody. thank you, elmo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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now by a golden globe award-winning actor who stars alongside vince vaughn, taylor kitsch, and rachel mcadams in the highly anticipated second season of "true detective." i cannot wait for this. it premieres this sunday at 9:00pm on hbo. please welcome a talented man. here's colin farrell, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, welcome, buddy. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: they love you out there! they love you. i love you. [ cheers and applause ] looking good, man. >> oh, you make a man shy. >> where's elmo? >> jimmy: he's taking a power nap. >> oh, a short one. seven seconds should do it? >> jimmy: do you know elmo? >> yeah, i met him once. >> jimmy: yeah? do you guys hang out? >> brief meeting, but he stayed with me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he stayed with me in my heart. >> jimmy: do you deal with elmo much? did you ever do any -- >> i grew up on elmo.
i mean, watching elmo. not on elmo. i did have an elmo doll, so i probably spent some time on him when i was a child. >> jimmy: it's a very friendly show, because you also know jason schwartzman as well? >> yeah, jason's lovely. i worked with him on "saving mr. banks", i didn't get to shoot with him. but he's great. crackers. yeah, he's gorgeous. >> jimmy: oh, he's a good man. that's irish for -- >> a cracker is a good thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, questlove. no, no, no. [ laughter ] chill. >> we can say that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. we can say cracker is a good thing. you, yeah. it's a different story. >> we've just reached a a cultural impact. >> jimmy: we really did. this is a very important show. a very special episode of "the tonight show." >> nailed to this one again. >> jimmy: we should get to a a decent issue here. it's something that happened in your home country of ireland. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's very important, they legalized gay marriage. >> they did. >> jimmy: crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. good for ireland. ireland, of all places, too. >> the country will obviously sink into a fiery pit of damnation -- damnation by the end of the
month i'm sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but this is a big deal for you. >> my brother left the shores of ireland. that's so dramatic, left the shores. [ laughter ] but he literally did. but he's above them by about 36,000 feet, but he went --. but he went. he left the shores, and he went west. >> jimmy: it sounds like a a song, almost. ♪ he left the shores of ireland and then we flew american airlines ♪ ♪ and landed in los angeles ♪ there, yeah. it's a great song. >> so, he went to vancouver and he married his partner seven years ago, steven, and so, yeah, i've watched damon -- you know, i've watched him go through his life and i have watched him face difficulties socially and be polarized and pushed aside. and to see ireland come out, i think the vote was 61 or 62% in favor of it, which is pretty much a really a decent portion of the country. respect to those who voted no as well. i mean, you can't -- i don't think you can treat those who are against what you believe in with the same level
of angst or anger or frustration that you feel you've been treated with as well. but the main thing was it went through at 62%. it was really cool. and of course, god bless them, the catholic church said "it's a dark day for the people of ireland." and then you look at the footage and it's just rainbows everywhere. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wasn't that dark. >> everywhere. >> jimmy: everyone's dancing and laughing. >> everyone's dancing, and, you know -- >> jimmy: people are going crazy. >> and you know gerry adams, who was the head of sinn fein, and was a very provocative figure in irish politics. a lot of people feel, definitely, very different things for gerry adams. there's a picture of him with miss panty, the drag queen, getting a selfie. it was an amazing day old and young alike. and the whole country came together. it's a massive gesture of love. and that's the really cool thing. >> jimmy: good for you, and good for your brother. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: i want to talk about "true detective" here. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you going to tv is a a big deal for me. i'm a big colin farrell fan. i'm used to seeing you on the movies. you're a movie star.
and then, you read the script? >> yes. it was just so good. it reads so good. i read the first two episodes. i met nic pizzolatto, the writer and creator of the first season. >> jimmy: how is he? he seems like an interesting guy. >> he is, he's really interesting. nic's a sweetheart, but he's a a tough guy. yeah. >> jimmy: there's something going on. you see these shows, and you go -- >> he's a strong man. and he really is. he's a tough guy, and he cares about the material and he cares about the integrity of what he writes. and he locks himself in an office, about a four story, for eight or nine hours a day away from his wife and his daughter. and he goes to a dark place to create the fiction that he creates. but, he's a really kindhearted man. anyway, back to the schpiel. >> jimmy: it just seems like there's one scene where your son is getting bullied, and then you do something that all of us probably -- >> wish we could do and get away with? >> jimmy: you go to the bully's house and have a talking to with the father. >> we have a little word, yeah. >> jimmy: a little word. i don't think he gets a word out. something, yeah. >> shouldn't laugh. >> jimmy: he might get knocked down. but that's something -- so yeah, he goes to a dark place, there. you have got a great cast.
i mean, vince vaughn, i love that dude. >> love vince. >> jimmy: he couldn't be more fun, and what a great actor. [ cheers ] i love vince vaughn. rachel mcadams. >> amazing. yeah. >> jimmy: taylor kitsch. >> yeah, amazing. i would have loved to work with taylor more. i did two scenes with him, i think. i worked a lot with vince, which i loved. i worked a lot with rachel, and rachel is extraordinary. i mean, she really is. >> jimmy: it's set in los angeles now, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and so you're a a detective, and vince -- >> using the term loosely, i'm a detective. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. kind of on the down slope of a a career that was never really rising. >> jimmy: yeah. he's not the -- >> down and out. rough around the edges. a broken man. all the characters are very fractured in their own way and vince's character kind of has me in his back pocket because of a bit of information that he has on me that could bring everything in my life down if it was exposed. and so, i'm kind of jostling between vince, his character, and he is kind of somewhat of a, you know, white collar criminal who's trying to go good. and the corrupt police
department that i'm also representing. >> jimmy: you are representing it very well. very correctly. we have a -- i have a clip. here is colin farrell in "true detective." season two starts sunday night, 9:00 p.m. on hbo. check this out. >> so why do you feel your visitation rights should be expanded, detective velcoro? >> well, how about i raised him alone for two months when she took off? you know, it was me and him. she comes back, she's talking divorce. >> did either of you request a a paternity test? >> no, my son is my son. >> they're gonna ask that question. more rudely than i do. >> look, you're not getting -- there's me and him. and i'm his dad. and i just need you to come up with something, all right? >> you might have the wrong idea. >> why, you like paying taxes? >> you were with l.a. sheriff's
department eight years before ventura p.d. anything there going to hurt you? >> no. i welcome judgment. ♪ >> jimmy: yeah! [ applause ] this sunday at 9:00, i'll be watching, buddy. colin farrell and i are playing a fun new game after the break. stick around. come on back. ♪ this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis from the inside out ...with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. doctors have been prescribing humira for nearly 10 years. humira can lower your ability
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with colin farrell, and we're about to play a new game of deception. it's called "true confessions." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going need another player to fill out the table. [ cheers ] we have the man for the job. please welcome, colin's co-star from "true detective," vince vaughn, ladies and gentlemen! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
now we're talking! now we're talking, baby. >> yes! yes! >> jimmy: here we go. now we're talking right here. >> yes! >> right there. here we go. >> jimmy: now, thank you for joining us. in front of each of us are two envelopes or envelopes containing confessions. [ laughter ] some of the envelopes or envelopes, is something that actually happened to us in real life and in the second envelope is a lie. >> he's showing off with this is a word play by the way? >> jimmy: once you read your confessions, the other two players have 60 seconds to interrogate you, and then they each have to guess whether you have been lying or telling the truth. we'll take one turn each. colin, you'll go first. vince, which envelope should he choose? number one or number two, what do you think? >> number two. >> jimmy: yeah. you sure? >> oh, yeah. positive, man. i'm watching everything, colin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's twitching.
he's twitching. >> when i -- >> jimmy: it's a lie. >> when i was a late teen, i got brought in for questioning as a suspect in an attempted murder. [ laughter ] >> did you do it? >> how long ago was it? i want to see if the statute of limitations is. >> what was the case? >> so it's not a yes or no? [ laughter ] the case was a guy in a a nightclub. >> jimmy: what's the name of the nightclub? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: give me the name! >> it was some place. for god's sake, it was some place in -- it was a long time ago. >> jimmy: yeah, it was a long time ago. >> do you take a shower, or do you use a tub? [ laughter ] what was the guy's name? >> tyler? >> what was his name? >> jimmy: calm down now. let him talk. >> i saw a photo spread of the guy that actually did the crime, and it looked remarkably like me. and for second, because i had had a blackout that night, i wondered could i have done such a thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did -- what did
the person look like? what was the hair? what was the hair? >> bushy eyebrows. a mole on his face. spoke even in two dimensions with an irish accent. >> did they catch the killer? >> jimmy: no, we're out of time. what do you think? >> i'm a little nervous to push too hard. because we might have a guy who got away with murder. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you say this like a a jinx. >> i want to play a fun game like. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is like "the jinx." >> i'm a little crazy. >> jimmy: this is like the other hbo type of jinx. >> he could stick the head in here and say i killed him, of course. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. except our belching. >> jimmy: what do you think? >> i don't know because. >> i didn't, what i did was -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a great impression. >> i've got a feeling that this really happened to him and i'm afraid. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. i'm a little scared. >> i'm a little afraid of colin farrell. >> i would be afraid if that happened to me, too. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> what do you think? >> jimmy: i'm afraid, too. i actually think that he's a a suspect, yeah. >> i think he was really a a suspect.
>> jimmy: i could hear it as a a truth. true story. >> and we're going to move past it, but i think you were. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it true? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my god. wow. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] whatever you want. >> yes. >> jimmy: whatever you want colin, yes. we can call you a limousine ride home. >> still here, baby. >> that had to be an uncomfortable moment. >> yeah, very, and i'm suppose to bring my mother to the airport. i was in sydney, australia and i was pulled in by the cops. and they showed me a photo fit of the pencil sketch of the guy that was -- had attempted to murder this other gentleman. had beat him up and left him in his own apartment, and set the apartment on fire and split. thereby leaving the guy to burn to death. and it was me. they said, what do you think about that picture? and i went, i think i'm in trouble. [ laughter ] yeah, it was terrifying. i was there for like six hours, and then thankfully a friend of mine had kept a journal and we that particular night and that particular time we were at a a party on the other side of town doing ecstasy. lll [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can we get elmo out of here? can we get elmo out the building? just get him out of the building. >> what elmo could want it? >> elmo's got a nice -- some
appetizers, anything. >> maybe some gin? gin, crudesay, some meth? >> jimmy: i ain't crudesay. here we go. this my turn. which envelope should i open? >> number one, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: here we go. number one. >> i'm watching you, fallon. >> jimmy: yeah, here we go. >> i'll be good cop then. how are you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great, thanks for asking. >> don't be nervous, this'll be over really, really quick. >> jimmy: this seems really fun. >> yeah, yeah. >> just gonna have a quick chat. >> jimmy: well, i got my head stuck in a fence, and my grandma used mayonnaise to squeeze me out of it. [ laughter ] >> what was your grandma's name. >> jimmy: my grandma's name was gloria. >> mother or father's mom? >> jimmy: my mothers mom. >> how old were you? >> jimmy: i was probably -- -- ten? >> so your your head in a fence this big? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. my head's not that big. >> yeah. families get along? >> jimmy: yeah. >> is there turmoil? >> jimmy: no turmoil. >> what are you hiding, fallon? >> jimmy: no turmoil. no turmoil at all. >> what brand was the mayo? what brand was the mayo? what brand was the mayo? >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] sorry.
>> why did you put your head in there in the first place? >> jimmy: i was a curious child. >> curious child? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i just wanted to see if i could fit it through there probably. >> okay. >> jimmy: this probably wasn't like a chain link fence, it was probably like a two -- >> did that happen once when you were a child? you wanted to see how you could fit it through there? >> were you always fitting things with stuff that would help it fit in different things? [ laughter ] or just the head with the mayo in the fence? [ laughter ] >> was there any other time your grandma used mayonnaise to extract your thing? [ laughter ] your head. >> were you like attracted to your grandma? >> jimmy: no, i was not. >> were you attracted to your grandma? >> jimmy: the questioning is now over. yeah. all right. questionings over. >> i think this is going great. [ laughter ] >> i'm tuning in sunday night to watch you. >> thank you. >> and you as well, vince vaughn. >> i wasn't sure until, and now. >> what are your thoughts on this? >> i mean i -- i think that it was -- it's untrue, but beautiful and i hope that i'm wrong. i hope i'm wrong. >> you've got a strong feeling, i'm going to ride your thoughts on this. >> jimmy: it actually is true. [ cheers and applause ] >> beautiful. ♪ >> jimmy: it was an outdoor
thing. it was outdoors. it was a summer day. it was really hot. i was crying. my ears were like stuck on the fence, and it was like this in the fence and my grandmother goes, i think i know. and she rubbed mayonnaise on my hair and all over my head to squeeze me out of it. i think that's why i don't like mayonnaise. >> how long were you stuck in the fence? >> jimmy: probably like an hour. >> oh, that's a long time. [ laughter ] you enjoy that. >> you do seem like the type who'd be for parenting tonight. that, and you're not completely useless. you can be used as a bad example. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good one. [ cheers and applause ] all right. vince vaughn. now it is your turn. why don't you open up envelope number one. >> i would love to. [ laughter ] i'm watching everything. >> i once -- >> lie! >> jimmy: yeah, i don't believe it either. >> i once defiantly commanded the stage in the title role of oscar hammerstein's "the king and i." questions? >> oh, wow. how long ago was this? was this early in your career. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you wear a bald
cap? >> i did. >> is there any reviews that exist? >> i don't know that you could find those online. >> how many people? what percentage on rotten tomatoes thought you were commanding the stage? >> rotten tomatoes was not around at this time. >> a lie! >> jimmy: what is your? he is right about that. what was the song you sang? >> there were lots of songs. >> jimmy: yeah, gimme one of them. >> getting to know you. getting to know all about you. that was one of them. >> jimmy: yeah, that's definitely one. [ laughter ] >> just two lines from the same song. what else? >> there weren't songs that i sang them. i'm trying to lie. >> jimmy: we have the band here, they could probably play it. >> oh, i'd love to hear it. i'd love to hear it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ getting to know you ♪ >> jimmy: take it away, baby. >> i have to do it like yul brynner, like i did in the play. ♪ getting to know you ♪ ♪ getting to know all about you ♪ [ cheers ] et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. >> jimmy: yeah. i understand. okay. >> we're on 60 seconds, so let's keep doing it. >> jimmy: no, that's good. colin, what do you think? truth or lie? >> i actually, i think it's a a lie.
>> jimmy: i think it's the truth. i think that you played the king, you were in "the king and i." and you sang. and you sang very well. >> i think you're right. i think that's the truth. >> jimmy: he's sang very well. that's the truth. we'll take both. truth. >> i was the king in "the king and i." >> jimmy: that's right! i knew it. ♪ that's what i'm talking about! thank you all very much. to see all of the truth and lies of vince vaughn and colin farrell, check out season two of "true detective." starts this sunday, 9:00 p.m. on hbo. jason schwartzman joins us after the break. stick around everybody. see you tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> very exciting. very, very exciting. >> jimmy: exciting night. i'm really excited. >> i'm so excited. >> jimmy: i'm very, it's a very exciting night. >> thanks man. >> jimmy: it really is exciting. just so exciting. >> so exciting. are you excited? yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like your beard. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: i like it a lot. it reminds me of a group that has been on the show a couple of times when we did "late night" called tuff. you ever hear of this? >> yeah. i get a little nervous even talking about it. they're a group that's been on the show coincidently the last few times that i've been on the show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so like, they've been, made surprise appearances and i don't think they're here tonight. but it was like kind of a a bummer because i brought a a bunch of rare tuff records to have them signed. >> jimmy: oh. which ones did you bring? >> oh, i brought the baseball themed record. >> jimmy: oh, that was a great one. >> that was one, not a lot of
people liked it. >> jimmy: no, no, that's why i like it. >> that's why i like it too. >> jimmy: here's the band, just so people can see what the band, this is tuff. this is what the band looked like. >> yeah. [ laughter ] it's great. and i brought -- i brought the album photo shoot. you know that album photo shoot? that was the best. >> jimmy: was that before or after x-ray jones? >> that's a great question. because, it was recorded before but it came out after. [ laughter ] and not many people know that. >> jimmy: you had a dream, is this true, about me? >> yeah, well, like, well, it's this silly thing. but for a while i've wanted to, tell you this, get this off my chest. but i feel bad doing it now, because it's last minute. but one time soon, i've always had this dream to talk to you on television, but while getting a couples massage. [ laughter ] and, i know it's a crazy thing and it's very last minute. and i'm just saying it now. but can we make note of it for next time, because i would like to do it and just relax with you. >> jimmy: and just get a a couples massage together as i interview you?
>> that would be my dream. >> jimmy: well, we at the "tonight show", we're all about making dreams happen. it's time for the "tonight show's" massage interview. let's do it. come on over here. [ cheers and applause ] >> what? >> jimmy: this is real. this is real. your dream is about to be real. you really had this dream? >> yeah, i mean. this is like a -- this is incredible. >> jimmy: yes. >> look at these guys. these are right out of my dream. >> jimmy: these are "tonight show" masseuses. >> hey, i'm jason. >> hi, i'm ashtray. >> jimmy: what was your name? >> ashtray. >> ashtray? >> jimmy: ashtray? >> ashtray. >> wow. >> ashtray. >> jimmy: ashtray. >> ashtray. >> jimmy: and what is your name? >> i'm courtney thorne smith. [ laughter ] >> courtney thorne smith. >> courtney thorne smith. >> jimmy: that's interesting. >> so nice to meet you. >> this is too much, so please. >> jimmy: please? >> okay. >> jimmy: please what? [ laughter ] >> you're amazing. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> wow. so i just go right in. >> jimmy: here we go. like this? >> like this? oh, my god.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you get massages a a lot? >> i don't. i actually had a really crazy experience happen a few years ago. i don't like massages. i went to go get one, because i was kind of having a more stressful period of my life. so i go to this like spa for a a day -- a day treatment thing. and i got this one massage, it was really nice and i was feeling real loosy goosy. so, i went to this room where i was getting this thing called a a sea salt scrub. which was crazy. i walked into the room and it was like, it looked like a a themed -- you know that show the nick? it was kind of like that. it was a giant -- >> jimmy: so weird. like a hospital? >> a tiled room with a metal table in it and a giant rain faucet above it. and there was this woman in there. [ laughter ] and her name was dotty. and she -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] she said her name was dotty. and then she handed me like this weird -- don't stop. this weird like, ball of fabric. >> jimmy: yeah, this feels good. >> and like it is a disposable underwear type thing. >> jimmy: like underwear.
yeah. you got to put that on. >> and so she said to me "put these on. i'll be back in a second." and i was feeling so cocky that i was like, dotty. you might need to give me a few minutes, because it's gonna be hard to figure out how to put this on. >> jimmy: she left you underwear? >> yeah, to put them on, right? but, so she left the room. that's so good. do i feel stressed? how does it feel to you, ashtray? >> i feel fantastic. >> jimmy: ashtray, i think they're massaging each other. [ laughter ] >> courtney. ashtray. courtney. sorry, so anyway. i'm in this room and i don't know if you guys have ever had this. but i was in this room trying to put on these, these underwear. and i put them on as i thought they would go on, but they were a g-string with a very balloony front. and i was like, well, that's not right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're tickling. >> so then -- no, it's good. it was nice. >> jimmy: yeah, that was a a good. massage. >> i've got to tell the story. i've got to tell the story! so -- so then, you can do it after. so then -- >> jimmy: so you put them on. >> so i put on the g-string and i'm like, that's not right.
so i pull them down. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> and i like kind of moved on to where it's one click over, and then i pulled them up. but then it was weirder because it was like a g-string but to the side. so the front of it was like going half up the center of my body and half on top part of my leg. >> jimmy: weird. >> which is, yes. then i took that down and then i moved it again and i rotated, which was kind of like a a rubik's cube trying to figure this out. and i'm starting to get stressed out. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> because dotty's knocking and can i come in? can i come in? well, finally i said, you know what? it must just be a g-string. so i put them on g-string style. and then i put the towel on me and i laid on the table and she came in and said "dotty, i'm ready." she came in, and she was putting salts on me and then she lifted up this towel to kind of like billow it, and then i felt the towel start to like shake a little and she started laughing like that. and i said "what's going on?" and she said, "it's not supposed to be a g-string." and i was so embarrassed when she said that, that i didn't know how to react. so i put my tushie in the air, and i started to like shake it like that. [ laughter ] like this, and i said, "i know it's not a g-string, dotty but
i was doing it for you." [ laughter ] so then i just tried to go right into it. >> jimmy: jason, great story. >> and it was one of the most humiliating massages of my life. and so since then i really haven't gotten any. this is a big moment for me to get over it. ashtray. >> jimmy: i want to talk about your movie "the overnight." it's very funny. you play a very weird couple. you're very funny in the movie. basically, what you do, is you invite these new people that movie into the neighborhood -- oh, right there. oh, right there. all right. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. thank you, courtney thorne. [ laughter ] and what you do is you welcome them to the neighborhood, and then you go, well, we're just getting started. why don't you just stay overnight? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then it gets real weird. >> it really does get really weird. >> jimmy: it's gets very, very weird. it's a very funny movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and i want to show everyone a clip. here's jason schwartzman in "the overnight." it's in theaters friday. >> do i feel tight, ashtray? >> jimmy: yeah. >> does that feel tight up there?
>> is that -- is that what i think it is? >> very perceptive of you. >> that's -- >> you can say it. >> a butthole? >> yep. this series is called portals. [ laughter ] it's been painted for life. lucky enough to have some of my best friends join the time with models. >> you mean charlotte's up here somewhere? >> 50 bucks if you can guess which one's mine? >> butthole? [ laughter ] >> oh, well, that one. >> that's amazing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love you, dude. you're so good. jason schwartzman. "the overnight" is in theaters on friday. we're cooking with elmo when we come back. you wanna cook with elmo? >> oh, yes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ to steady betty. to steady betty. fire it up! ♪
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♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: not only is our next guest our favorite monster he also has a great new cook book out called "sesame street, let's cook." please welcome chef elmo. [ cheers and applause ] hi buddy. >> hi. >> jimmy: so good to see you elmo. >> hi mr. questlove. >> questlove: how you doing, elmo? >> how ya doing? >> jimmy: and this is jason. hi mr. jason, how are you? >> jason: i'm good, how are
you? >> i'm like a big fan. that's jason schwartzman. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: yeah. now elmo i want -- what are we starting off with? >> okay, okay, okay. so, the first thing we will start off with from the cook book is rosita. you know rosita? >> jimmy: yeah, i love rosita. >> elmo too. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's a fresh pineapple mango smoothie. >> jimmy: oh, lala. >> yes, jason, could you pick that one out. >> jimmy: now what are we making today from the cook book as well? >> well we're gonna make -- first of all we're going to make -- what is it? elmo forgets. >> jimmy: you don't know. you're doing waffles. >> that's right. elmo's waffles with grilled cheese. yes. so if you could sort of put all that stuff together. the cheese and the tomato. actually, put the batter in. elmo's a horrible chef. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you're trying, though. you're trying. you're not a horrible chef. you can do it elmo. anyone can do it. you do it with adults and they will help you can all of these recipes. >> yes, that's what you're here for. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. thank you. >> okay, put in the batter. >> jimmy: i don't know if this is plugged in. let's pretend it is. [ laughter ] >> elmo can get it. >> jimmy: that was elmer's
glue, by the way. that's not even batter. >> okay. >> jimmy: unbelievable. so wait, we make the waffles. >> that's right, now through the magic of television -- >> jimmy: the magic of television. >> ha ha ha. now we have this. >> jimmy: you put tomato, cheese, tomatoes. the magic of television. >> here we go. here we go. put it together, heat it up, and then you have a delicious meal. >> jimmy: we close it. >> jason: yeah, here we go. >> where did you go? >> jimmy: ta-da. sorry. yeah, sorry. that is what that looks like right there. the other thing you're make something sloppy oscars. >> that's right, sloppy oscars. instead of sloppy joes. sloppy oscars ha ha ha. [ laughter ] okay, now. let's switch places. why don't you help mr. questlove? >> jimmy: okay, i'll help. i will help. >> this is awkward. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. all right. elmo why do you call them sloppy oscars? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: okay. all right. [ laughter ] >> elmo didn't write the book. >> jimmy: i know. all right elmo, yeah. so you're learning how to cook so your kids can make all of this stuff. >> that's right. there's lots of stuff in there. there's onions and garlic. but that's right 'cause it's gross stuff. but it takes two of us to put
it all together. >> jimmy: okay, good. onions, garlic -- >> onions, garlic, celery. balsamic vinegar. >> jimmy: tomato paste. >> that's a big word for elmo. tomato sauce, tomato paste and carrots. >> questlove: that too? >> jimmy: yeah, that too. sure, why not. >> sure why not. put some blueberries in there elmo doesn't care. >> jimmy: no elmo. no elmo. no blueberries in here. no. so you mix all that up. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: all right. and then through the magic of television it ends up being -- jason? ta da. >> ta da! >> jason: should i take this like this? >> jimmy: yeah. >> what have you got? >> jimmy: look at that. sloppy oscars! [ cheers and applause ] >> ha ha ha! >> jimmy: sloppy oscars. let me try it elmo. >> go for it. have a taste. >> jimmy: oh my gosh! >> jason: how is it? >> jimmy: it's so delicious. >> jason: really? >> jimmy: it's the best, yeah. >> is it really? is it? >> jimmy: i love you, elmo. >> aww, elmo loves you too. thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you pal. [ cheers and applause ] congrats to you and everyone at sesame street on the cook book. go out and pick up a copy of "sesame street let's cook." available in stores now. >> aww, thank you! >> jimmy: get your kids cooking. we'll be right back. kids are going to love it.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to colin farrell, vince vaughn, jason schwartzman, elmo! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- channing tatum from "orange is the new black," actress laverne cox music from desaparecidos featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to "late night," everybody. good evening, i'm seth meyers. how's everybody doing? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear.