tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS October 1, 2015 11:50pm-12:52am EDT
jim: the ravens will return home in some 10, 11 days to be hosting a week from sunday the cleveland browns. they, in many respects may have saved their season. let's go to tracy. tracy: thanks so much. joe, to come back down 13 on the road against your bitter rival, no steve smith sr., talk about the fight in this team that they showed tonight. joe: you know, i think you could see it. it's crazy. we think we can come in here and throw the ball a little bit. but it's the typical ugly game that you play if pittsburgh. i don't know why you expect or want to expect anything else. it's what you're going to get. and you're going to have to be able to grind it out. it's who can stay mentally tough. hey, i turn it would ball over two times. in this type of game that usually loses the game for you big-time. you usually can't recover from that. you have to give it to our defense down the road. obviously they kept going for
it. they didn't want to kick the ball there. i wish we'd got an little bit closer and maybe played more aggressive down the stretch. when i went to the sideline i said let him win the game. he's probably the best kicker in the game and you have to let him do what he did. tracy: your coach talked about just getting out of the rut. how much confidence does this guy -- give you guys going forward? joe: it's a big win. i think we're a pretty confident group no matter what but anytime you can fight through one like thksst -- it definitely does a lot, especially the young team that we have. tracy: congratulations getting your first win. joe: thanks. jim: so flacco victorious. vick coming in and trying to learn this system. what about pittsburgh and where they go from here? again, roethlisberger is going to be out for at least another three games or so phil: joe flacco, i thought that was interesting.
yeah, you never know. throw the ball, turns into ugly and that was so true. michael vick played safe and did enough things that make you think that web we can open up this offense, teach him in a next few days to give our feel a greater chance to win. jim: you remember what john harbaugh said last night? he was pretty tight-lipped. he said you have to fight through it. this is a storm. we have to fight through it, stick together and when we come through this storm, we're going to be a true team. i'm at peace right now. he looked at you and he said because i know we're a good team. this was quite a test tonight and that team never gave up. phil: if this can't give you emotion to start playing and doing things a little different i don't know what could.
job by the ravens pulling this out. jim: they all count the same, they say but some wins are more important than others. this was a huge one tonight. phil: it was and they pulled it out. jim: back with more after this on cbs and nfl network. this is humira.ing to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me reach for more. doctors have been prescribing humira for more than 10 years. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contrubutes to ra symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have
it's not about being wasteful either. you just gotta find that balance. where taking care of yourself takes care of more than just yourself. lease an mkz hybrid for $299 a month only at your lincoln dealer. >> welcome to "the mazda postgame show." rich: justin tucker's game-winning 5 -yard field goal in overtime ties the longest ever kicked at heinz field and was the longest made there in five years and it looked good from 62 yards and the ravens are
1-3, dropping the steelers to 2-2 and john harbaugh still has never lost four games in a row as head coach in the national football league. rich eisen, marshall faulk, steve mariucci, michael irvin. steve, the steelers went for it on fourth down not once but twice in overtime and neither time did they give the ball to le'veon bell. what gives is the question i have. steve: that's why i was curious. of course, they missed two field goals prire to that and so they're going to go for it on fourth down. i didn't question that but the play calls, you're right. le'veon bell is a great back. i felt sure he would get the ball both times. the first time was michael vick sweep. great by the defense. the other fourth down, it's well-blocked, they have too many people. michael: too many people is what coach said. i want to write this down. steve: inaccurate throw and it
was high. michael: late in the game there. michael vick turning around so quickly. because he started out great playing early but late started throwing high balls. marshall, you and i talked about that same play. ben roethlisberger being a right-handed quarterback. a left-handed quarterback, he has to drop back, throw that ball across his body for the game right there. that's an easier throw if you're a right-handed quarterback so you saw, as we talked earlier, the skill set difference that came into play here with michael vick and ben roethlisberger. marshall: and the ravens staring down 0-4. they turned around and handed the ball to forcett 27 times, 57 yard. they rode him tonight -- tonight. flacco was off. forcett and that offensive line took care of business. michael: we talked about steve smith doing what he does. what happens when steve smith was taken away? aiken shows up in the second half. four catches for 63 yards.
big time, big-time player. rich: they turn the ball over to justin forcett. he's going to be our guest on "the mazda postgame show" soon to come but first, back out to heinz field. jim nantz, phil simms. take it away. jim: thank you, rich eisen and all the crew. this was such a fascinating game because the decisions, the nuances, the number of little decisions, the clock being reset to 2:04 from 1:59. instead of the next play being run basically coming out of the two-minute warning. the extra stoppage of play that gave the ravens more time. that was vital. phil: absolutely. jim: you go back and look at the chess match. i can't remember a game like this in a long time. phil: i can't either and no matter who won the game, that coach that lost is going to be second guessed big time.
with mike tomlin, we both agreed and i thought there in that situation, instead of going for it on fourth and 2, the last one, i absolutely would have tried that field goal and gavin my kicker one more time, with experience, knowing on what's going on now. we're not going to go. you saw at the end of the game or i did, mike tomlin hit his mike and said to all his coaches my bad and then he took it off. jim: you've been through seasons where things weren't going your way and all of a sudden things flipped like it did tonight for the ravens. looking not only desperate but dire. all of a sudden you will walk out on a high, you're 1-3. how do you express what this meant to this team? phil: it was big, of course. it keeps their season going, gives them hope. now they have a little momentum. the schedule is favorable for them where they can maybe play some teams they think they should beat and get sose
but the ravens tonight had a hard time getting open, they have to pick up the blitz. there's a lot to overcome no matter who they play to win games. jim: and farce -- as far as flacco tonight, was he off -- you don't agree with that thought. first off, there was tremendous pressure on him and he had no receivers. phil: he did the best he could. made a couple of big throws that got them into overtime. jim: we'll see you all next thursday night in houston. the late show can with stephen colbert. the "the mazda postgame show" continues on nfl network. for phil, tracy, mike carey and all the crew, jim nantz saying so long from pittsburgh, thanks
show." huh, fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. yeah, everybody knows that. well, did you know that playing cards with kenny rogers gets old pretty fast? you got to know when to hold'em. know when to fold 'em. know when to walk away. know when to run. you never count your money, when you're sitting at the ta... what? you get it? i get the gist, yeah. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent
>> cbs sports thanks you for watching this presentation of the national football league. i'm bobby flay and new york is my home. there's no place like it in the world. come fall, i like to get a taste of everything the state has to offer. like this famous winery nestled in the hudson valley. or the award-winning vineyards of long island. this cooperstown brewery belongs in every beer lover's hall of fame. you can even try new york's exceptional cider and spirits. this fall, drink in the beauty of new york state.
there's something for everyone. switch now, new york and get installed as early as today. mom switched. we switched. i switched to time warner cable and knew exactly when they were coming. thanks to their 1 hour appointment window. for $89.99 a month, you'll get 100 meg internet, hundreds of hd channels, and unlimited calling across the u.s, and 34 other countries around the world. and for a limited time, you could get a $300 reward card plus tv equipment and epix included.
bahamas s now worries about where the hurricane is headed next. >> we will have problems here. >> reporter: sandbags handed out and barriers brought in. with sandy still fresh in our eyes. >> if it happens again, we are done. >> we need to make sure we are prepared. good evening i'm maurice debois. and kristine is off. the winds in the bahamas with joaquin are at 130 miles an hour. we begin with lonnie quinn and the latest on the models and what is next, lonnie. >> the picture in the bahamas, think of that picture. trees are sideways because of the winds.
the storm right there. 20-mile east of clarencetown in the bahamas. holding steady for at a cat 4. we talked about this earlier today and showed you the trend this morning, coming on shore around delaware. 2:00in the afternoon, coming offshore for the suffolk county area. keeping it offshore, but making land fall in the continental u.s. the latest data just in from the international hurricane center. 4, 3, 2, hard right turn out to sea, and now our area is not even in the cone. you have to keep area ann eye on this. like anywhere close to our area it will have a big effect on us. we are not in the cone. yesterday we were sure it was going to north carolina. that's why you have to stay tuned.
the data is every 3-6 hours. many coastal communities are struggling to recover from sandy, and they are watching nervously tonight. tracee carrasco reports on the preparation in the rockaways. >> reporter: the scarsover sandy, nearly 3 years later visible, and as joaquin approaches, some are worrying it could happen again. >> we stock it on the chin last time. we are a resilient group near rockaway, another blast would be devastating. >> reporter: partses of the unfinished board walk are constant reminders of sandy's devastation. >> went back to my house and saw it cross the shore front parkway. i'm afraid. >> i'm hoping it goes in difference direction.
brought in for stretches of the rockaways for flood protection, and slit put up flood logs, -- still put up flood logs, and then residents hope the preparations are enough. >> i'm preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, and when the situation is like this, i can't the west happening. and even in the nor'easter, we will have problems here. they are in addition to the protective measures taken since sandy including 6 miles of planted tunes, sand re-- planted dunes sand
replenishment and much more. people in low-lying areas are feeling especially vulnerable. matt kozar is live in red hook, brooklyn where they have bad memories of sandy. >> reporter: maurice, we have a few feet from the water. lady liberty fairing back from the harbor, and people here are worry ability flooding. they have bad memories of sandy when the storm surge came over and flooded out the buildings and warehouses destroying everything inside. >> reporter: water in the harbor is churning as the bad weather approaches. people hope the storm is nothing like what happen 3rd down years ago. potential for of another storm is the last thing you want. >> reporter: nagee washington works in the area known for its warehouses being converted. >> the storm serge was as high
across the street at the chelsea gardening center which lost everything in sandy, william standard is not take anything chances with late zest storm. >> the heavy rain well are faking the plants in full bloom that would normally be outside for safekeeping, we are putting it in our hot house. >> as a result of sandy, the city learned valuable lessons. >> reporter: at the staten islander inry terminal, crews sued the events to prevent damaging flood waters. 30 city agencies are coordinating together including the police department who tweeted these photos of the special operations division, preparing for the storm. >> i want equipment in each of the boroughs. even if it's just in staten island the phones and the bronx
in we need something, we can get there faster: this weekend the fei fire department will deploy 130 ambulances and 150 additional officers. mayor mike spno directed all yonkers departments to prepare for a potential disaster relief response. flooding has started, and there's worry in aisle city where sandy flooded the area. as we track joaquin and head into storm season is your house ready? >> millions are gearing up and
stock up on supplies. for five simple things to do right now to get your home ready, go to wcco.com. new tonight a vigil for the victims of the latest shooting rampage in this country. this a the a community college in oregon. a least ten people were killed and seven wounded, and tonight we have learned the name of the shooter. cbs 2's jessica schneider reports. >> reporter: chris harper was active online. he says his interests were movies and killing zombie s, and he blobbed in uploaded videos. last night he uploaded a video about a connecticut shooter, and then he did a vlog about the on air shooting. >> reporter: he reportedly told
people to stand up and state their religion before opening fire, and students and professors scrambled for safety, and the entire campus went into lockdown. >> he walked around the room, and all we knew at the time, there was a shooter, and we didn't know where or what was going on. we just knew there was a shooter. >> reporter: mercier killed 10 people, and -- mercer killed 10 people, and he injured another seven more. he was killed by police. >> reporter: students horrified by the man who turned their campus into a place of fare and death. >> it's surreal, and when they are arms up, searching your stuff, single-file line through campus with your hands in the air, i felt like i was in a csi episode. >> reporter: four guns were
found at the scene. the college president says no guns are allowed on campus, but oregon law allows students to carry with the proper permits. >> jessica, thank you. a woman found dead at a home in lake grove, long island they are not releasing her identity, the police are not, but she was married to a man with ties to the nypd and said members of the homicide squad would like to talk to him, but they cannot find him. another male was in the home and has been interviewed. police responded to a 911 call. now to the latest legionnaires' scare. in the bronx, local lawmakers had a town hall meeting tonight. a new cluster in morris park has killed one person and sickened 12 more. 15 cooling towers tested positive for the legionnaires' bacteria. some residents we spoke with do
>> we need to know when was the last inspection? how could they have passed inspection and then a month later we have the inspection back if they cleaned the tacks. >> health officials said the cluster is not related to the outbreak that kill 12 and sickened 120 in the south bronx over the summer. new reforms will require the city's police officers to document every case in which they use force. commissioner bratton is dedicating more resources to investigate the nypd easies of force and keep track of officers who are doing it too often. the announcement was just hours after criticisms over tracking the cases. the police union says it's too much second guessing of the officers' actions and a formula for disaster is here. a local neighborhood overrun by racoons.
health problems, the government is getting involved. >> they thought the sonogram showed them their future twins, but how they got scammed by their surrogate. otis with details on the yankees getting into the playoffs, and we will continue to track the path of hurricane joaquin. a live look at the satellite and radar, and lonnie quinn is standing by with how it will
doesn't make land fall. we are the largest and most diverse school district in america! yet we are one! one point one million students! one thousand eight hundred schools! sharing one common goal. help all kids succeed. we're new york city public school teachers. taking learning to the next level. and parents and the community are on board! all coming together... ...as one. to celebrate the passion and promise of our public schools.
it's headed for the koi fish in this woman's bond. these two were braise praisen enough to look inside. residents are seeing more of ever before. >> a score of racoons, and it's a serious problem. >> reporter: joann aie! man has gotten up to 30 racoons that have taken over. >> they live here. that's nature, however it made it just really difficult fortous stay in our backyard. michelle craiger says they have dug the holes in their backyard. >> i had to cover them because i don't want the kids to break their ankeny here.
>> reporter: residents believe it's because of a condo being built nearby. >> you never know if they will come in and attack. >> reporter: carroll gardens, brooklyn. valerie castro, cbs 2 news: heart break for a couple ready to adopt a newborn when the supposed birth mother disappeared, and now they believe that she tricked them by showing them a sonogram that wasn't hers. the texas couple dashed out a 401k to pay for adoption fees, and mcquellan disappeared. they couldn't believe it. said you have so much to do. you would be. >> they all want us to go through it, and i think we have done our best. >> this was their fourth
the millers said they will probably not try it again. mcquellan was arrested has she was about to meet with another set of parents who was trying to adopt. peeple, that's spelled with two es will allow anyone to review you it goes online next month, but it's raising legal and privacy issues, and on their youtube channel they said they have good intentions. >> we don't want to judge in the sense of being mean. we want to bring the better out in people. >> if you get a negative review, you to report it to peeple to get it taken down, otherwise bad reviews will disappear after a year. lonnie quinn is here, and we are not judging anything. >> i love when i can share good
news, but i have to make sure i take enough time to tell everybody that we still have concerns, man. i think we have big concerns out there i will present everything to you, and do with it what you want. i'm just telling you, i'm cautious about this one. the weather watchers are rain today. we had some water out there, not too much. light day rainwise we thought. from brian bahr to, -- barta, the clouds are out there. that's looming for the day tomorrow. 57 the current temperature reading outside. coastal flood advisories for all seaside communities. winds gusting up to 40 miles an hour, off at shoreline, and that could be the roughest situation out there. in terms of wet weather, it's out there, but it's a light rain.
rain will be pushed into our area tomorrow. pay close attention to what is happening tomorrow. north carolina, and especially south carolina. south carolina could see double digits. 10 or 15 inches of rain out of this thing. friday, 8:00 in the area. it's a tougher situation for north carolina. that's 8:00 in the morning. about 6:30, pull it out ad by the. south carolina under the heavy rain, the entire stay. they are talking about setting a record for rain fall for the month, and they will get it in one day. this is the eye of joaquin. we are talking about discounting it now because we have not in the cone. right? >> really? you're going to discount the storm that is forecasted? i wouldn't discount it for a second. we believe it will turn to sea. i'm just telling you, let's be cautious about this one. we can feel the effects even if we are lucky enough and it
never making land fall at all. the wind field extends from the center 130-mile the, the -- 130 miles it will generate the waves, and the waves will have effects on the shoreline with erosion problems, and it's a player for us still. 57 for saturday, and then we -- you know what? it's after midnight, isn't it? yeah, here we go. 57 for friday, and after midnight, bumping to the next day. monday, 73 degrees, and tuesday, oh, about 70 degrees, and just know by the time you get into next week, you will see the sun around here again. you may see p pops of sun on the weekend. >> thank you -- you may see pops of sun on the weekend.
and now the team who got to punch their ticket to the wild card game. the old and the new at the clincher. how do you stay on top of your health? ahh... ahh... ahh... cigna customers have plan choices and tools to take control. so they're more engaged, with fewer high health risks and lower medical costs. take control of your health at cigna dot com slash take control. this is a story about doers, the artificial heart, electric guitars and rockets to the moon. it's the story of america- land of the doers. doin' it. did it. done. doers built this country. the dams and the railroads. john henry was a steel drivin' man hmm, catchy. they built the golden gates and the empire states. and all this doin' takes energy -no matter who's doin'. there's all kinds of doin' up in here. or what they're doin'. what the heck's he doin? energy got us here. and it's our job to make sure there's enough to keep doers doin' the stuff doers do...
rit w,et0 g osteettv pnearngt 9. aon,arte f t yrsuset35ba wh tw argrme.t t t pt.etio good morning. what can i get for you? a medium hot coffee, cream and two sugars, please? medium hot coffee, cream, two sugars -- sounds good. at dunkin', we make your coffee just the way you like it. if not, we'll make it again on the spot. see you tomorrow. that's the dd commitment.
time for sports with otis livingston. sigh of relief. >> they finally get it done, and they had a good shot going up against rich hill who had not started a game in 6 years, and cc sabathia left after a 2- 1 lead, and the final 2 outside are going to be going to end the bat in the 6th. some of the guys had to step up, and no problemo for bird and rob.
>> they make the playoffs for the first time since 2012. party! >> we are standing here with a bubbly champagne. they picked us last. this is what you do it. >> darn right we are going to celebrate. we have worked hard for 8 months, and we are leer now, and we now, and -- here now, and we are celebrating now. the record low loud here of just 1 -- crowd here of just 13,000 saw darren ruff. time for a quick break. when we come back, the latest on victor cruz's status.
the pond. get this. i was at my shop tied up with a customer when i realized the time. i had to get to the bank before it closed, so i made a break for it. when i got out it was almost closing time. traffic was bad. i knew i was cutting it close. but it was ok. i use td bank. it's got the longest hours and stays open an extra ten minutes every day. i'm sid.
practice yesterday, victor cruz will not be playing in buffalo. the jets had one last practice on u.s. soil before heading out. they spoke to a sleep expert to give them advice on how to get adjust to the 5-hour time difference, and leonard williams is an expert on sleep himself. >> i was nodding off in the meeting to be honest. the guy said it was all right to go to sleep, and then he shut off the lights. >> reporter: you were practicing the proper sleeping technique in the meeting? >> just that one. >> reporter: the game is sunday morning here on cbs 2 at 9:30. finally tonight, i'm sure you have all heard the phrase, but first let me take a selfie these sorority girls took it to the extreme.
david with the 2 for 2, and nobody noticed. >> they are too busy taking selfies like a competition. >> the one girl has nachos, enjoying the experience. >> and then the post. >> yeah, play it right here. going on. >> i'm not sure how good the seats are because they are wasted. they don't even know what is going on in the field.
have you liked the cbs 2 face book page yet? if you haven't go to facebook.com/cbsnewyork and follow us. let's check in one more time with lonnie. all eyes are on joaquin. >> i will show you the track again. category 4 around the bahamas, just burying the bahamas. i have to tell you, tough situation there. we have not in the cone, but i'm telling you the storm will be too close to discount this. okay, further offshore, and it's stronger. colding on to the category 1 status, and it's almost category 1 close to nova scotia. they do not get many hurricanes, but that's the situation there. stephen colbert has the secretary of state coming up. for everyone have a great night.
welcome to the show! welcome to the late show, everybody. as you can tell by your chanting, i'm stephen colbert. please, have a seat. let's all get relax. we're going to spend some time together night. i think we're going to make some real progress. (laughter) you guys catch the game tonight that hadn't been on yet? man. that sure was some sweet athletic action. i know one team put the ball in the score area enough times to win. but to me, all the ball people are winners. (laughter) of course here on the eastern seaboard we're all preparing for hurricane joaquin. nobody knows, you guys worried about it, talking about it. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: because nobody know where it will make landfall but meteorologists predict with absolute certainty that the bottle water aisle of your grocery store will be defer stated! (laughter) -- devastated. >> stephen: again, people applauding for devastation.
again, hurricane joaquin is intense and erratic like its name sake joaquin phoenix. so please, stock up on canned goods, batteries, by the way by canned goods, i mean pringles because hurricanes always a cheap date. this is very important, if you were thinking of getting a puppy this weekend, do not get a puppy this weekend, all right. cats, okay. a cat is okay. as a matter of fact, this is a true story. during hurricane charlie in south carolina about ten years ago, we found a kitten in the middle of the road in my hometown, charlesston south carolina. it was a ban conned-- abandoned and we adopted it. we named the kitten charl-year in honor of the name charlie. and the hurricane didn't do any damage but the kitten clawed up our silk curtains. so you know, it was a trade-off. (laughter) >> stephen: anyway, we've got some wonderful guests
first up, i will be talking with united states secretary of state john kerry. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: yes. you meet him yet? lovely guy. he has one of the most important jobs in the world. and if donald trump is elected, kerry will be succeeded by gary busey. (laughter) and then i'll sit down with the lovely and talented claire danes. (cheers and applause) always lovely to have. she is the star of "homeland" which this year takes place in germany so i will ask her if they are changing the name to "fatherland" then i will sit down with youtube star pewdiepie. (cheers and applause) who has a very selective scream in this audience, you will notice. he is the first ever to reach 10 billion views. an here is the crazy part.
and folks, oh, oh, does anyone else feel like having sex right now? (laughter) also there's music playing. that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. >> hi! >> stephen: they're about to start the show. but before they do, one more thing. a new study says talking to a therapist may not help treat depression. and if hearing that news makes you depressed, i have no suggestions. tonight, stephen welcomes secretary of state john kerry. claire danes.
pewdiepie, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, thank you very much. thank you, jon batiste. (cheers and applause) thank you, humans. wow! thanks, everybody. folks, you know, thank you so much. i'm glad you guys stuck around. something i want to talk about. the iowa caucuses are just a scant four months away. meaning the presidential election is just around the
corner from the corner we haven't gotten around yet. but the campaign is already in gear. that gear? neutral. but-- (laughter) this is a very big day. you might not know it but it is the day all candidates have to report to the fed ral election commission on how much money they've received in the past three months. and the big news is that vermont senator and rooftop bee keeper bernie sanders took in a whopping $26 million. i had no idea. i had no-- yes, i agree. it's extremely impressive. i also want to point out the same people cheering are the same people who cheered for pewdiepie. i had no idea you could make that kind of cash on etsy. 26 million colors-- dollars is more than twice as much money as jeb bush pulled in, even though this summer an this is absolutely true, i gave jeb bush three dollars. (laughter) they actually had a button
for that amount. and it perfectly matched how much i want him to be president. it's not zero, it's not zero, then again, on the way to work today i gave a homeless guy a pfeiffer. and since then, jeb had thanked me in the form of nonstop e-mails from his whole family. i get them from jeb and all the georges, w, hw, p, boy and curious. (laughter) and you can't blame them. i understand why they keep hitting me up for the green, because these campaigns need a constant influx of money to pay for things like offices and phones and staff. so the staff will have an office where they can call you on the phone to ask for more money. so campaigns are constantly innovating new ways to pull in funds. howard dean pioneered internet fund-raising. george mcgovern was the first to raise money via direct mail and even george washington raised cash by
being it. (laughter) and now i'm so happy to say comes another break through moment in campaign fund-raising. thanks to florida senator and sears portrait gallery sample dad marco rubio. rubbio a web site already features some great merchandise like a marco polo shirt, or a water bottle that says "water great nation" get it? it's water, because that pun is so tortured it's like being water boarded. but the fund-raising breakthrough on the rubbio web site is that for $250 you can adopt a rubbio staffer for a day. that, i got to say, that really pulls at the heart strings. i mean i wasn't going to donate to marco rubbio but i can't let his-- rubio but i can't let his staff who are
evidently orphans go unpurchased. and for your it 50 you will get recognition on twitter and their web site, an update from the staffer you adopted and a postcard from their team. and as true conservatives, they might even write a message on it about how inefficient the federal government is before having it delivered anywhere in the country for 35 cents. this, i believe-- (cheers and applause) pewdiepie! this is truly ground breaking, i believe. if if they're modelling themselves on save the children, i'm thinking things are pretty rough down in rubioh hq. they may not even have access to clean drinking water because their boss takes all of it. and whether or not i happen to agree with rubio's policies, i was so inspired that i'm committed to doing anything i can to help other than giving him money. (laughter) hello.
i'm stephen colbert. as i speak, rubio campaign staffers are digging through garbage looking for used coffee filters to turn into tacos. these staffers work 80 hours a week. and use wet paper towels to take a bum shower in the bathroom of an iowa dunkin' doughnuts. but for just 250 dollars a day, the price of a cup of coffee every 11 minutes, which is less than they drink, you can send these staffers the help they so desperately need to keep going. like more coffee. redbull, and let's just say new hampshire marching powder. so please, call today, or don't. they'll call you. cuz they're on phone duty for the next 12 hours.