tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 7, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
thank you all for coming. and welcome. it was a beautiful day today here in southern california. really nice, sunny 70 degrees. we're very lucky. lot of the country is suffering through intense heat, temperatures over 100 degrees in a lot of places. heat advisories issued for illinois, new jersey, ohio, tennessee, nebraska, indiana, oklahoma and kansas did you know that in kansas if the temperature goes over 100 degrees it's legal to go to work naked? did you know that guillermo? this morning the supreme court ruled in favor of president obama's health care plan. you know what that means, free pap smears for everyone. honestly have no idea what a pap smear is. i've been trying to keep it that way until i die. the affordable care act is what it's called.
it will change how the health care industry works. children will stay on their parent's insurance until 26. medicaid extended 16 million low income americans. insurance companies can't turn you away for having diabetes or being a contestant on the show wipeout. the supreme court voted -- [ cheers and applause ] -- in favor of the new law, 5-4. chief justice john roberts went against his party to uphold what they call individual mandate. an individual mandate is something that the bachelorette was on. i have no idea what happened. bottom line seems to be we'll all have health care no matter what. i'll make the most this year and get very, very fat this year. that's my plan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is a big win for president obama. after the ruling, he addressed the nation from the east room of the white house. he explained this was a victory not for him, but for all of us.
>> i know there will be a lot of discussion today about the politics of all this. about who won and who lost. that's how it will be in washington. everyone is missing the point. >> jimmy: someone needs to read between the lines. everybody wins. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: right before obama came out to give that speech, cnn gave a live shot of the podium so they didn't miss anything. they definitely didn't miss anything. >> i'm sure he won't be happy that the majority said this was a tax increase after he had assured the american people in 2009 this was not a tax increase. [laughs] >> the health care reform law -- >> jimmy: maybe a little shorter. taller? and okay. everything is perfect. here we go. there's the president. >> that's the presidential podium tester. it's a hard job to get. his father and grandfather was
it before him. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: speaking of unusual jobs and in honor oflt historic supreme court decision this morning, outside of our theater right now on hollywood boulevard, we have a gentleman from dallas, kran dal newton, he calls himself a butt sketch artist. [laughs] >> jimmy: hello, crandall, how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: how long have you been doing this? >> butt sketches for over 20 years. [laughs] >> jimmy: you draw pictures of people from behind. >> instead of taking just a peek, i stare a little longer. it's normal stuff. >> jimmy: good news for the guy in the jeans there posing for you. your sign says you're the original butt sketch artist. are there competitors out there now? >> as long as i keep my attorney employed, there will only be me.
>> jimmy: that's a good drawing there. let's meet the model. what's your name? >> jared. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> sydney, australia. >> jimmy: i knew it. i didn't know what it was. i think it's the shirt. we wouldn't wear those here. have you ever had your butt sketched before? >> not professionally, no. >> jimmy: worried about how it might come out? >> a little bit, yeah. [laughs] >> i had a bit too much to eat at lunch. >> jimmy: if your butt ever commits a crime, this sketch would help police. crandall, keep sketching butts and we'll check back in with you periodically. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good, huh? the fourth of july is in the middle of week this year, on wednesday. hopefully that won't dampen the festivities.
this is a great video on youtube. if you want to look it up, it's called bootleg fireworks gone wrong. jesus! jesus! [ bleep ] oh, jesus! oh, jesus! [ bleep ] [laughs] that was awesome. that was awesome right there! [ bleep ] [ applause ] oh, jesus! someone lit fireworks. >> jimmy: it's the opposite of -- i watched that about 30 times this afternoon. as you saw the firework safety is very important on the fourth of july. you have to be careful if you're drinking.
please pay attentions to this. it's firework safety with waka flocka flame. >> i'm waka flocka flame to talk to you about firework safety. check this out. i'll tell you -- fireworks, i had one friend he ever do things. we call him kenny b. he grabs block buster, try to skin you with it. it was so [ bleep ] by the time he tried to throw it, it blew up. that was funny [ bleep ]. oh cee lo, i'm on fire. you all might call it crazy, we call it having a good time on the fourth of july. remember, kids, be safe life [ bleep ] up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for that. let's check back in with the
original butt sketch artist crandall lee newton is on to another subject. crandall, how is it going out there? who do you have -- let's see. >> i believe it's elise. it's been one butt after another out here. [laughs] >> jimmy: she appears to be posing for you. why don't you call yourself the back artist? you're really drawing the whole back of the person. >> well, i think butt has a nice ring to it. >> jimmy: you're probably right. >> butt sketch. >> jimmy: do people recognize their own butts? >> you know, one of things i found is that they're like thumbprints. every butt is so unique. >> jimmy: it is. you know, if you walk down the street, i can tell what your butt is like just like that. >> jimmy: what celebrity butt would you like to draw? there's a whole bunch out there. >> certainly kim kardashian. >> jimmy: kim kardashian. would you charge her extra? >> i would charge her by the pound. [laughs] >> jimmy: let's see your model
here. what is your name? >> evan. >> do you know what he's doing back there? >> sketching my butt. >> are you at all creeped out by this? >> no. >> have you ever been stumped by a butt? you look at it and can't sketch it? >> i married that one. it was the best butt i ever done. trust me. >> jimmy: you met your wife doing this? >> she was standing in line to get her butt done, i'm taking that one home. [laughs] >> jimmy: wow. all right. i didn't realize you were allowed to do that. the nba draft is going on right now. no surprise there. i love watching the nba draft. there's a lot of drama, lot of time to kill, which sometimes leads to fun stuff like this. espn reporter andy talking about
some health issues from ohio state forward jared solinger. apparently a lot more serious than previously thought. >> what's the latest on the former buckeye star? >> after the chicago pre-draft camp, espn chad reported that medical reports were red flagged by a number of nba teams bulging dick. >> jimmy: more than one is unusual. [laughs] >> jimmy: drafted by the kardashians. soccer news, you know, the big euro cup is going on. the semifinals are happening this week in poland. italy beat germany, 2-1. it was an exciting match. italians, germans or just drunk people? i'm not sure. many exciting moments, but this is the most exciting of all of them. it's time for the euro cup play of the day.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: those soccer fans get a variety. this is odd. there's some very strange fast food coming out of the philippines. apparently they have kentucky fried chicken restaurants there. you know this. the menu is different than the kfc here. in the philippines, they're introducing something called the cheese topped burger. that is it. they call it cheese top because the cheese is on top of the burger. i don't know why the ad says streetwise. nothing about this seems wise. [laughs] >> jimmy: they say this is the first and only cheese top bun burger. i wonder why? it seems like a strange idea, the commercials kind of make me want to eat it omg. >> omg.
>> omg. >> omg. kfc streetwise burger. it's exciting. kfc, omg. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's funny. omg. it's thursday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things. whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> guess who he was with yesterday? >> i guess [ bleep ]. >> what? >> no longer drop your coverage if you get sick. they can no longer [ bleep ] up your premiums without reason. >> did you dress oscar tonight,
abby? >> [ bleep ]. >> if you get [ bleep ] on your wedding day, the marriage will be fabulous. >> my husband said to me would you like to get [bleep] out of your ass. >> you're not leaving this cabin until you [ bleep ] me. >> do you stop people on the street and go over to [ bleep ] their ass? >> james says he's been home only long enough to [ bleep ] and change each day. >> that's nice. >> he's like a little [ bleep ]. >> we're closed. i just need to [ bleep ] my monkey. >> that's a new one. >> you have the biggest [ bleep ] in the business. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show from the nba championship team, miami heat, chris bosh is here.
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in applebee's new florentine house sirloin, we start with fresh tomatoes. look at that deep red color. that's a product of mature lycopene content, which is generated about 50 days into the growth cycle. [ male announcer ] carl, you're doing it again. i-i was gonna say it -- [ male announcer ] you're talking about tomatoes like they're your children. we love you, buddy, but you're going a little deep here. right. [ male announcer ] allow me. the florentine house sirloin is a big, delicious steak with fresh spinach and bruschetta. it's one of the new fresh flavors of summer, starting at just $9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow. welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the program from the nba champions miami heat, chris bosh is with us. together, we will enter the bosh pit, and then night two of two with one of the biggest bands in the world right now. their new cd "living things" came out tuesday, linkin park from the bud light outdoor stage.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i will not be shaking hands with our first guest, for fear of sending him into a germaphobic frenzy. he is a very funny person whom you can see making and breaking dreams alongside sharon osbourne and howard stern on "america's got talent," the first live shows of the season start monday and tuesday on nbc. please say hello to howie mandel. [ cheers and applause] >> jimmy: how are you going? >> i'm doing good. >> jimmy: great to see you. >> it's great to be seen. >> jimmy: i heard you worked with our butt sketch artist before. >> i was just going to say that. that guy looks familiar. i saw him out on the streets, he is the original. i worked with him. i actually -- i didn't hire -- my wife hired him to do my daughter's butt-mitszvah. >> jimmy: really?
>> i guess it makes sense. it's a butt-mitzvah so we had an artist. it's absolutely true. >> jimmy: whose idea was this? >> my wife is very traditional. we wanted a traditional affair. i don't know if everybody is familiar with the jewish tradition, but you invite guests, you have them eat, and then you draw their asses. [laughs] >> jimmy: i didn't know about that. >> it's very traditional. we like to partake in that. my wife found it. i think the party planner mindy weiss -- my wife -- i don't know where you would go to find -- >> jimmy: i don't know how you would even think of that. >> this was her idea. she goes, can we get somebody there to draw the guest's asses? i didn't know there was -- then she goes, guess what, we got the original butt artist. and then for a few years later
for my son's bar mitzvah, we had the guy that does genital photography. >> jimmy: that's great. >> it was so important. >> jimmy: when they're changing over and becoming -- >> today i'm a man. look. that's what we did. >> jimmy: you have two daughters? >> i do. my youngest is 19. she had her's -- i got in trouble with the -- i don't know how many people are actually familiar, when you throw a bat mitzvah, there are themes. i thought i was being funny, i went to the temple and had a meeting with the rabbi, what the theme would be for my youngest daughter. >> jimmy: i saw sports was a theme i went to. i think like star wars was a theme. >> right. >> jimmy: so what was the theme at -- >> i told the rabbi christ. >> jimmy: jesus christ? >> jesus christ.
>> i thought the head table should be like the last supper and at the other table should be like an apostle. he didn't say anything. it was really uncomfortable. then they called my wife later on and said that we -- brought us back to the temple to have a meeting with us -- >> jimmy: they didn't like the theme? i didn't know you had to get it approved by the church. >> in the temple they didn't want to dress up the temple. uncomfortable with the all the crosses we had hanging. >> jimmy: you brought a video tape of your son. >> i have to tell you because you inspire me. you do. the things you do on youtube. so my son and i -- my son is 22. his name is alex. he works with me. he's an editor. we constantly are watching youtube. and scouring. something that caught us a year ago, did you see that little kid who went to the dentist -- >> jimmy: david. about a week ago my son had an endoscopy. we were trying it out for
another affair that we're talking about, somebody else's bar mitzvah. so he had it -- turns out it's okay. they had to put him under for this procedure. i asked if i could go into the recovery room and videotape him waking up from the propofol. i wanted to put it on youtube. which i did. i put it on youtube. if you want to see it, go to youtube.com/alexmendel. only a short amount of this can be shown on your show. the thing was, i was standing there and i realize it's sort of like -- people blab. he was talking. it got embarrassing because the nurse is there, the doctor is there, and i'm taping and trying to stop him from divulging information. i'll show you this clap. just a piece of the youtube piece. you hear at the gip beginning where i'm trying to change things. i'm trying to change the subject. i don't want him to say things. this is the least embarrassing
thing he said. >> jimmy: really? >> watch my son alex waking up from his procedure. >> saw my friend. told one of my friends he was having a general night with my mom i said. i said, i don't want to hear that. why are you telling -- it was probably a joke, but then the guy brought a tree to my parent's room. and after -- how long have you been married? >> 35 years. >> after a while, it gets boring. you need to spice it up. like -- he doesn't talk about this on "america's got talent." i think my mom has -- [laughs] >> jimmy: i like that. your son, the editor, uses his ability to edit. >> there's more. i don't want you to see it, but
it's there. >> jimmy: you want everybody to see it? he's okay with it, i presume? >> i haven't asked. it's okay. it has to be, he put it up. >> jimmy: by the way, you mentioned 35 years of marriage. that's unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in a row? >> well, not really because she says the beauty of it is i'm always on the road. that's what makes it work. she gets mad. she got mad at me recently. i'll ask the guys in the audience. she got really upset with me for peeing in the shower. how many guys pee in the shower? [ cheers and applause ] >> the thing was, she happened -- she's in a tizzy. this was two days ago. i got home late about 11:00. i didn't see her downstairs. i went upstairs. she was in the shower. i opened the door and i peed and i went downstairs and got something to eat. >> jimmy: come on now. >> thank you.
>> jimmy: i can see why she would be upset by that. >> really? >> jimmy: in a way, yeah. >> it doesn't seem like you with all the germ stuff. has anyone ever given you a wet willy? >> in my ear? >> jimmy: in your ear. >> my friend did. he was dyslexic. it was in the back end. that's not my ear. >> jimmy: you need a portrait of that. just to capture that. >> that would freak me out. >> jimmy: i told the story every single time not too many people get me with practical jokes there was an nba game. it was very important. howie and i were doing a comedy show together. i need the game to be on when i get to room. the lakers were on. i sit in the room, howie is in the next room with a universal remote repeatedly changing the channel. i'm going bizarre. what's happening? >> i loved him from the time i was a kid. i've always done them.
even before i had anywhere with all to do it, i always did -- have you ever did the time traveler? >> jimmy: no. >> i think people are doing it now, college kids do it now. can't work for me now because you're on tv. i would put on a wig or bell bottoms and i would run i think my son does this t run into 711 and go to the cash years what day is it? they'll go, thursday. and you go, thursday, what month? >> they go june. >>down what. >> what's the year? what year. >> and they go, 2012. and you go, it worked. and you run out. >> jimmy: howie mandel. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]. >> announcer: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by bud light. w we're talking! [ male announcer ] this super-food
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm here with howie mendel of the program america's got talent. let's check in with our original butt sketch artist friend, crandall. >> do you remember me? how are you doing? do you remember the butt mitzvah? >> howie, it was the best time. you took care of me all the
time. i tell people that all of the time. >> what does that mean? >> jimmy: i guess that's between you and him. >> i don't remember. >> jimmy: crandall, what do you have there? looks like you have your hands full. >> i got my hands full right now. trust me. >> jimmy: looks like the state of hawaii. that's a big fella right there. what's your name? >> my name is bubba b from hawaii. >> jimmy: how did you get here? >> i walked. [laughs]. >> jimmy: by the way, crandall i think is being very i want to say generous but kind with the drawing there. yeah. [laughs]. >> flattery is the key to longevity. >> jimmy: is this to avoid getting smashed afterwards? >> this is too much. i'm ready to retire right now. >> jimmy: all right. go back to work and we'll see you in a couple of hours when you're finished with him [ cheers and applause ].
>> that's amazing. >> jimmy: he's a big man. >> i took care of him all night? >> what season is this of america's got talent? >> seven season. lucky seven. >> jimmy: we learned that america doesn't really have that much talent. there are a lot of weird does out there. >> there is a lot of talent out there and there are a lot of weirdos. howard stern just joined us this work. >> jimmy: you seem to be having lot of fun. >> we come to logger heads in the sense that the weirdo is what i glom on to. if you saw last night's show, i let big barry, 4'1/0" guy, worst possible voice, but it's just so funny -- here is my theory. i can't talk howard into this. my theory is that wherever you travel in america, you can go on a cruise, you can go into ra ma da inn, see a great singer. seat a great musician.
you might see a great dancer. but these unique talents. i love tiny tim. i did. i went and saw him in concert. >> jimmy: yeah? >> his voice was terrible. you look at some of the past winners or even in the top ten in the last eleven years of american idol, people don't remember their names. they're being dropped by labels. people aren't buying their tickets. i think you have to embrace the unique. better chance people will remember william hung. have you had him on your show? >> jimmy: of course. he's not a great singer. >> he's just a great character. i know on arrested development. he's getting hyper. >> jimmy: no, he's gone. he's completely gone. you're the only person who has mentioned him on television in the year 2010. >> i don't see how howard doesn't get my point. he's make a living. ronny and all these goof balls running all over the country, selling tickets getting money. more chance of people going to
guillermo convert or big barry in i would go see you. >> jimmy: i agree, guillermo. what about the guy that just gets kicked in the groin. do you see that as a show? do you see that as something that people would -- >> i see it as a classic. the nutcracker sweet. he really does take it's hard to watch, but it's unique. i think -- listen, you're talking about it. you bring it up. there's so much noise out there. i think that's what it's all about today. if you're not watching tv, you're on the internet. you remember that guy. i think there is a show. i think there's great music. it makes me laugh. i know people hate it but -- >> jimmy: why do i feel like most of these people are going to wind up in a cage in your house dancing around for your entertainment. >> i would love that. >> jimmy: i like it on the show
"america's got talent." i don't know that i would pay to go see an hour and a half of somebody being kicked in the -- >> it won't be a full hour and a half. those would be the highlights. it would be surrounded by lasers and music and dancing. [laughs] >> jimmy: the first live shows of this season's "america's got talent" air this monday and tuesday at 9pm on nbc. we'll be right back with chris bosh. [ cheers and applause ]. >> dicky: it's here, two bud light cruise ships are taking thousands of people to two island destinations for a music festival. here we go. don't miss the boat. redesign the ford escape... ...we had to go further, and reinvent the suv.
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that was quite a celebration. that was just the locker room celebration. >> we were just getting it started. >> jimmy: you guys are just on your own in that locker room, what goes on? >> then you realize how tired you are. you just played a game. when you see guys doing the champagne thing, you don't realize guys just played their hardest game of their life. >> jimmy: i never did think about that. once everybody left, we're sticky with champagne. >> jimmy: let's shower together and move on. >> yeah, let's get a shower. >> jimmy: and then you go out to a party after that? >> yeah, we went out. we said in the gym until 2, 3:00 in the morning. >> jimmy: you did? >> we had to do interviews. i remember champagne was still many my shoes. i had to get the champagne out, take a shower. >> jimmy: the party is after -- you said 2:30, 3:00 in the
morning? >> we got there at 4:00. >> did you have a team meal or anything like that? >> no. we went to taco bell right there that. [laughs]. >> jimmy: everybody? >> we do the trophy, do the shower. >> i'm about to taco bell. i'll see you guys. >> jimmy: did the check out window freak out? >> they didn't see me. i had my hat on low. >> jimmy: now you have cha lieu pa in land and you're at the party. >> i go into the party with the cha lieu pa. i didn't know how that was going to work. >> jimmy: what's going on at the party? is there a band? >> just a club. typical miami night except there was a lot better. >> jimmy: it was a lot better. are the people there people you invited or is it just you guys walking? >> i think all of miami was in that club. >> jimmy: the whole town came out. is that something you enjoyed? >> i'm not going to lie, i didn't really enjoy it. i was tired. i mean, i'm not -- it's funny
how you age so fast in the nba. if you're 21, it's cool. i'm not old but i'm a little older. man, i want to go home. >> jimmy: right. aren't you married? >> i ate taco bell, i'm full. i want to go to bed. >> jimmy: you have a baby, what are you there for? >> i have to go, my baby is going to wake me up. >> jimmy: lebron was up on stage, had a microphone in his hand. was he singing? >> he was rapping. he was kind of skipping over a couple of words. here we -- he didn't know all the words. >> jimmy: i was reading sports illustrated. this is a quote. lebron said to you guys right before the game, if someone came to you right now and told you if you don't win tonight you won't see your family, how would you play? approach this like your family is in danger. how bad do you want to see your
family again? did he say that? >> when he said that, we were getting ready. we were already emotional. he said that and i was just kind of in the zone. when he said that, i snapped out of it. i want to see my family again? you know what i mean? i get the point. good point. let's go play. [laughs]. >> jimmy: is that the first time a teammate has suddenly threatened to kill your family if you don't -- >> it was. that's how i knew it was very serious. hey, guys, we better when this game. >> when somebody gives you an inspirational speech, does it have an impact? >> i think it's important. you see where they are. i saw what type of mind set lebron had. you look in his eyes and see that -- okay. >> jimmy: i think people think when you watch these teams the and get attached to them, sometimes you feel like you're
more invested in it than the players on the team are. they just go off to hawaii and they're millionaires and they'll try again next year. that's not how you were thinking about this. >> no. we put a lot into it. it was very, very important to us. one thing -- i always tell people this, one thing that you really don't notice, is it's more than basketball. along this journey that taking, you have to have trials and tribulations and have to exercise demons and stuff like that. >> you guys have become the villains somehow along the lines. i know lebron and i know dwyane wade, i know both of those guys. they're very nice guys. >> they're great dudes. >> you seem like a nice guy too. but people hate you guys. i don't know if you know this. [laughs]. >> jimmy: but they do. they hate you guys. >> don't hate, us, please. i hope not. >> jimmy: outside of miami where everybody loves you. [laughs]. >> please don't. >> jimmy: that's not a role you
guys relish, is it? >> it will take a life of its own. that's how i see it. i just like playing the game. i don't get off of not being liked or anything. it doesn't matter to me. you don't want to hear boos ever where you go. you go to the grocery store, boo. i'm just getting some groceries. >> jimmy: we have some video here. i want to ask you about something. this is something that happened during the finals night. this is you and ronny turiaf. let's look at that in slow motion. [laughs]. >> that's my fault. that's my fault. let me tell you, me and ronny are the high five kings. okay? i was tired. i really couldn't feel anything blow my neck. i just saw him high five and i was -- >> jimmy: congratulations. great to have you hear.
>> jimmy: the jimmy kimmel live concert series, sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: this is the new album, it's called "living things." playing the song "lies greed misery," linkin park. ♪ i'ma be that nail in your coffin sayin' that i soften i was duckin' down ♪ to reload so you can save your petty explanations i don't have the patience ♪ ♪ before you even say it i know you let your pride and your ego talk ♪ ♪ slick to me no that is not the way i get down and look at how you lose ♪ your composure now let me show ya exactly how the breaking point sound ♪ ♪ i wanna see you choke on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all alone ♪ in your misery choke on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all
alone ♪ ♪ in your misery what is it you want me to tell ya i am not the failure i would rather ♪ live and let be but you can't make the right kinda threat to push me to let you ♪ ♪ no you can't intimidate me disrespect me so clearly now you better hear me that is not ♪ the way it goes down you did it to yourself and it's over now let me show ya ♪ exactly how the breaking point sound i wanna see you choke on your lies ♪ ♪ swallow up your pride suffer all alone in your misery choke on your lies ♪ ♪ swallow up your pride suffer all alone in your misery i wanna see you choke ♪ ♪ on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all alone in your misery ♪ ♪ choke on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all alone in your misery ♪
♪ you did it to yourself you did it to yourself you did it to yourself you did it to yourself ♪ ♪ you did it to yourself you did it to yourself you did it to yourself you did it to yourself ♪ ♪ i wanna see you choke on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all alone ♪ ♪ in your misery choke on your lies swallow up your pride suffer all alone ♪ in your misery ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank howie mandel, chris bosh. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "living things" is out now. playing us off the air with "new divide" see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com once again, linkin park! goodnight, everybody!