tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 13, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with news from applebee's neighborhood grill & bar, home of the fresh flavors of summer menu. with choices like seasonal berry & spinach salad and lemon shrimp fettuccine, it's a great choice for lunch or dinner. with more, lets go live now to our chief meteorologist guillermo rodriguez. guillermo? >> guillermo: okay, let's take a look at the weather forecast to check on what the weather is going to be. okay, let me show you. in southern california, it's very very very hot! in texas, it's also very very hot. and in michigan, it is very very hot too. but here is the good news if you
go to applebee's, the forecast for tomorrow is fresh, with a 100% chance of delicious! oh look, here comes a high pressure system now. mmm rosemary! that's good and that's what's going on in your neck. >> dickey: the new fresh flavors of summer with choices like the seasonal berry & spinach salad and the garlic rosemary chicken pasta starting at just 9.99 at applebee's. see you tomorrow. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with billy crudup, fred willard and grace potter and the nocturnals. , we start with fresh tomatoes. look at that deep red color. that's a product of mature lycopene content, which is generated about 50 days into the growth cycle. [ male announcer ] carl, you're doing it again. i-i was gonna say it -- [ male announcer ] you're talking about tomatoes like they're your children. we love you, buddy, but you're going a little deep here. right. [ male announcer ] allow me.
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and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: thank you for watching. i'm jimmy the host. thanks for all of you for coming. i have some major late breaking news for you. steven tyler announced a few hours ago he will not return to american idol for this fall season. he put out a statement today that said i strayed from my first lover a smith, i've got two fists in the air and i'm kicking the door open with my band. it sounds like he might be leaving american idol to take
karate lessons. we'll give you $20 million a year to just sit at a table and go i just wasn't feeling it for 12 weeks. how can you leave that? but he left. steven tyler will no longer be a judge on american idol and return to his true passion debazing women's pants. >> i wonder who they'll get to replace him. is there anybody left? i'll mismiss that old lady. i really will. i'll miss the steven tyler creepy lyric of the night. >> tell us about yourself a little bit. >> i'm a volleyball player. >> up in heaven now. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: here is somebody that the idol producers might want to take a look at robert blake. he was accused and acquitted of killing his wife back in 2001. he just published a memory called tales of a rascal, what i
did for love. but last night he went on the pierce morgan show to promote it. he got very upset when asked about the murder charges which aren't mentioned in his book. >> i made a deal to come here and talk about anything in the book. i excused you from that deal because i thought you were going to be cool. now you're trying to drive it into [ bleep ] and i don't know why. >> i'm not trying to drive anything into the ground. >> you're foolish. >> i'm asking you questions about what i presumed to be a very important moment in your life. you written a book about your life. >> i written a book about my life. i didn't write a book about that night or about bonnie. now you can stay there for the rest of your life if you want to. i'm telling you you're starting to look silly. >> jimmy: he looked silly? [laughs]. >> jimmy: you're the one dressed like you're going to an audition for the sequel to magic mike. the interview went on, robert blake got madder and madder.
it reminded me of bugs bunny and yosemite sim. we thought it would be fun to take audio from that video and combine it with this. once again we were right. >> i want to get to the truth if i can. >> you want to get to the truth, if you can? does that mean i'm lying to you? >> i don't know. are you in. >> what the [ bleep ] matter with you. >> what does that mean? >> yes, it is because you opened that door. i'm not going to sit here and let you or anybody else kick the [ bleep ] out of me without defending myself. if you want to show me the door, that's fine too. >> i'm not interested in doing that. >> we better start talking about the little rascals. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: after the interview for some reason, our local news here in l.a. went to robert blake's condo, i guess to talk to him about it. i don't know what their plan was going in, the result was some of
the finest local news reporting this american has ever seen. >> blake now lives in this apartment complex. he reportedly declared bankruptcy of his trial. tonight he went to his home and made several attempts to talk to him. there was no response. [laughs]. >> jimmy: you know, we would have believed you if you just told us he didn't answer the door. thanks for the exclusive. speaker of the house john boehner, he doesn't disappoint. he was part of a ceremony awarding a gold medal to an italian artist. once again he cried. there he is starting to get choked up. this is not a guy he knew. here he is wiping his eye. this artist died more than 100 years ago. here he is blowing his nose. nancy pe loessy is next to him.
she had her tear ducts removed years ago. apparently boehner was moved by these artist's paints. imagine crying about the paints. what happens when he listens to adele? john boehner cries a lot. here he is crying at a college commencement speech, election results, watching party that he won. this is i think just after the last episode of desperate housewives. [laughs]. >> jimmy: he's super tan. he cries. he drinks. he should be speaker of the jersey shore house. menopausal um pa lum pa. >> i like him. i shows the sensitive side you don't see in a politician. it created a new toy sensation among little girls. >> who do you bring? >> i braulgt kobe. >> i brought baby betty. >> i brought boehner baby.
>> the soft sensitive baby doll that cries real tears. >> oops, boehner baby spilled the tea. >> oh, no, he's crying. >> boehner baby kries until you calm him down. >> don't cry, boehner baby. it's okay. it was an accident. >> he's the lethal of the house. >> what is hell is wrong with him? stop crying. >> be quiet. >> boehner baby, everything makes him cry. >> available at walgreen's. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: the 43rd annual san diego convention center today. good luck finding a bow baa fete costume this weekend. they're out. >> we had shop a on the and that
was it. i made 100,000 people who attend come con this year. it's a huge locker stuffed with nerds. they say -- they're predicting this will be the largest collection of asthma inhalers in the world. if your wondering where your it guy is tomorrow, odds are he's in san diego dressed up like hell boy. >> nasa just made a big announcement. they discovered previously recorded fifth moon pluto. it has five moons where we have just the one. i feel like nasa knows about all the moons in the universe already. they discover one every six to nine months. same thing the kardashian do with weddings to keep themselves in the news. >> the discover reignited the debate whether pluto considered a planet. it got demoted from planet to dwarf planet. i thought that was a bad move. it's not fair we call it a dwa
dwarf planet. we call snooki a person, right? this is interesting. funeral home in south carolina is adding a starbucks. the robinson funeral home will sell coffee and coffins at their establishment. you can be angry that you just paid $5 for a cup of coffee. sooner or later starbucks will find a way to open coffee shop in hell. satan will enjoy his first drink. there's a very strange new parking policy being enforced in a german town. the mayor there has reserved certain narrow parking spots specifically for male drivers. the mayor whose name is stroe bear, men are better at parking and so the spots are for them only. i'm guessing the mayor is single. he said he believes the smaller spaces is will be a tourist
attraction for drivers or for anyone who leads an extraordinarily dull life. obviously some people are calling this policy sexist, the mayor says he hopes to, quote, challenge political correctness. he wants to get like-minded people behind him. >> i'm the mayor gallus. i'm here to announce a new parking spot. some spaces are too difficult for women to squeeze into, from now on, these will be known as man spaces. this is a man space. and this is a man space. is this a man space? >> no. parking in a man space is a challenging business. it takes a man's character and a man's delicate touch. sometimes you have to oil it up and other times you must jam it in. women are forbidden to enter a
man's space. man spaces are for men only. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: welcome. what is hell is going on? you don't speak english, do you? hello. where are you from. >> i'm from austria. >> jimmy: okay. i don't know what you said. but i heard the word governor, so i assume it's an arnold schwarzenegger reference. are you here visiting him? >> no. i hit the beer garden in houston. and then to see you. >> of course you do. >> jimmy: it's wonderful to have you here and thank you for wearing your harn esz.
[ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: you don't get that in mexico, do you? rarely. it's thursday night. it is time now for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary censorship. enjoy. [ cheers and applause ]. >> the national league winning for the third straight year behind brilliant pitching and big giant [ bleep ]. >> there's such a chemistry between us it's hard to talk. we always want to kiss each other. it feels great. >> we will work to cover purpose, i will [ bleep ]. >> 911 what are you reporting. >> i have like [ bleep ]. >> i'm the next bachelor. >> that rumor is about true as me seeing [ bleep ] kardashian. >> the last couple of months we haven't been able to see this [ bleep ] at all. >> it's illegal to [ bleep ]
these baers. >> could this be adolph hitler's car and if so, what the [ bleep ] is it doing here in new jersey? >> wow. look at all these [ bleep ]. >> let's hope swiper find his [ bleep ] bunny. >> so i can have a sleep over at grandma's house. >> please, god, someone [ bleep ] me before dark. >> serena williams, champion of the wimbledon again. >> we have a great show for you tonight. we have music from grace potter & the nocturnals, and we'll be right back with bill crudup. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the program - he has a new show called "trust us with your life" that airs tuesdays at 9 here on abc the wonderful fred willard is here. and then, with music from this album called "the lion the beast the beat," grace potter & the nocturnals from the bud light stage. we've got a great line up for you next week, bryan cranston, charlie sheen, kate beckinsale, snooki will be here, thomas haden church, olivia munn, dylan mcdermott and we'll have music from zac brown band, matisyahu, rubble bucket, and joe cocker and huey lewis performing together. and it will be good. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is one of the most talented and mispronounced
actors working today. you know him from 'mission impossible 3' 'eat pray love,' and, of course, 'almost famous.' his new movie with ben stiller and vince vaughn is called "the watch." it opens july 27th. please say hello to billy crudup. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: i want to pat myself on the back because i pronounced your name correctly right. it's crudup. >> thank you. it's german as well. so i know i have one fan already. >> jimmy: he's from austria. it's close enough. >> thanks for having me on. i've known you for a little while. this is my first time. we've known each other a couple years now. >> jimmy: yeah. we fell almost instantly in
love. >> sure did. >> jimmy: how many shows do you do in a year? >> jimmy: in a year? probably -- how many do we do in a year guillermo? >> guillermo: 1,100. >> thanks for finally making it happen. >> jimmy: we really hit it off great, as you can tell. you don't usually do stuff like that. you keep a very low profile. >> well, you want to hear about this? you want to do some theater stories. i don't have any. >> jimmy: you must have some. >> i was trying to think of some earlier today. they were all kind of tragic. parentally that does not play well on this show. >> jimmy: sometimes i take preverse pleasure. >> no button, loan loi stories. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have loads of those. >> jimmy: tell me the worst story you can think of. >> well, actually -- all right. we were doing a play called the
pillow man, which was this -- it was this macabre thriller. it was about these two brothers and one of the brothers was sort of mentally unstable. and may or may not have committed some atrocities towards some children based upon some stories that the older brother wrote. are you in it so far? [laughs]. >> jimmy: when you said children, went from quiet to extra quiet. >> i told you. it goes like that. but in the play, i tell these really long kind of terrifying stories. and they're acted out in tableau above me. and during one of the stories one day, right before the intermission, that's big scare that comes. there was a scream from the audience and a man collapsed and had a heart attack. so how about that for a story? he lived. he was fine. for a while. [laughs]. >> no, he was fine. he was fine. he was fine.
i didn't think of bringing any stories. >> jimmy: have you been playing scrabble and preparing. >> we played for a few times. he contends that words with friends because i live in new york i can't really play scrabble with you -- >> jimmy: words with friends is nonsense. that's for children. that's for 11-year-olds. scrabble is the real game. >> you know m i have no problem playing scrabble. you have a board? let's go. >> jimmy: the audience will be bored. >> that will light them up. you thought my pillow man story was good. >> jimmy: we played a few times and then the last time we played, which was like a year ago. >> yeah. >> you won. and now i feel like you're hiding from me. we will never play again. >> well, leave a winner. i learned a few things back. i'm back now. i'm a few doors down from you. when ever you're ready. >> jimmy: we'll make it interesting. >> thank you for pronouncing my name correctly. >> jimmy: have you had a problem
with that throughout your life? >> no. it turns out a german name, it used to be spelled with a um lout. people don't love um louts anymore. it's gone. that makes the u instead of crudup crudup. i think it was with a k so maybe it was somebody like crudup. poem don't love that either. i didn't think i would have a problem with it. in fact, i was trying to rememberhis story earlier, the first agency i was with, the president of the agency called me into her office when i had first signed. and she said "so, billy, huh?" >> i was like, yeah. you like that, you going to keep that? >> i was like, billy. >> she goes yeah. well, yeah, i guess. it's kind of -- that's my name. i didn't think -- >> i mean, it would be weird for
me to be something else. she's like yeah. okay. huh. i don't know makes me think of billy carter from the south. all of a sudden -- she had no problem with crudup at all. somehow billy made her think of drunken brother of the former president. that was going to be a problem in my career. >> jimmy: from 18 years earlier. >> beer named after after him. he did all right. >> is he the one that had the heart attack at the show? >> no. thanks for bringing it back to that. >> jimmy: i did. you were on -- this is not news to you, but you were on a soap opera when you were in college. >> that's correct. a student-runned soap opera created by a man named adam wright. during my first -- >> jimmy: what was it called. >> general college. great. [laughs]. >> jimmy: off to a good start. >> you have got a fantastic audience.
they get soap op ras, they get puns. >> i have a gift for our audience. i have a clip from general college here. how old are you in this clip? >> 27. no. i think i was probably 18. i'm not sure which clip it is. >> jimmy: it's a good one. >> they were all good. >> is everything okay with josh? >> yeah, he's still kind of worried about himself. >> so am i. today made me realize just how bad things really are. >> they can be a lot worse. we still have each other. ♪
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>> excuse me, i'm paul, just moved in. >> sorry. i'm evan. hi. >> evan, evan trautwig, scriber to men's fitness. >> that's mine. >> thank you. >> not that you need it. >> excuse me? you got the body of a dekath leet, evan. you got great skin. >> jimmy: billy crudup! "the watch" opens in theaters july 27th. you've come a long way since general college. >> i've been informed to give a synopsis of it. >> jimmy: you have. >> the only thing more dangerous than the threat of facing the good citizens of glen view are st four guys who come together to save them.
meet the neighborhood watch. ben still lar, evan, fun loving family guy vince vaugen. >> frangen yohan hill and the looking for love divorce see demarcus richard. apparently that's allky say. >> jimmy: they want you u to ke it quiet? >> they don't trust me to say much of anything. >> jimmy: i didn't know this until today, you're the price list guy on the mastercard commercials. >> that's true. >> jimmy: how long have you been doing that? >> 15 years. >> jimmy: that's a great gig. do people know it's you? >> there are some things money can buy. i switched it around. well, you know, when i went to graduate school, we were sort of
told take the shotgun approach to acting. do whatever you can. voiceovers, industrials, so i auditioned for tons and tons of voiceovers. this is one i ended up getting to do the demo for, because the advertising agency was trying to win the account. when they won the account, mastercard said use the voice that you used in the demo. so 15 years later, you know? >> jimmy: what did you get paid for the demo. >> $250. >> jimmy: now you get more. >> i am great at voiceovers. not great aet negotiating. >> it's great to see you. >> great to see you. >> jimmy: please come back again. we'll play scrabble and report back on our finding. >> thank you. thanks for having me. >> jimmy: billy crudup! "the watch" opens in theaters july 27th. we'll be right back with fred willard.
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you know him from "anchorman", "waiting for guffman" and "best in show," his latest endeavor is a very interesting improv talk show called "trust us with your life." watch it tuesdays at 9 on abc, please welcome fred willard. [ cheers and applause ]. >> thanks for modifying that. one of the funniest freds. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. how have you been? >> it's always fun to be here. i've been fine. you know, i hear you're a baseball fan. >> i am a baseball fan. >> do you still have them. >> they got disbursed to the younger members of my family and then they disappeared. >> my mom threw mine out. i don't know if you saw in the paper where they found an atick
some man's grandfather put away cards from 1910, put them in a box and they got -- the things are in mint condition. they look like they were brand new. that's a fantasy i always had -- >> jimmy: they found like a wagner? >> i don't think they had him. that's worth like 4 million. but these were -- the thing is what they do -- they take cards today and they put them in plastic folders that you can't -- you have to hold the cards and look at them. i got this. >> jimmy: yeah. >> any way, i always had a fantasy some old lady living on my block, i found this card board box my husband had these cards. you don't know whether you tell her they're expensive. i think i would have to share. then i also had a pantsy that her niece would call me and say, listen, mom goes to sleep. come on over. we'll go through the atick. that's a fantasy i don't talk about.
>> jimmy: really? it slipped. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you have -- you have a great christmas party, which i attended once. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you also i think once told me about your fourth of july party, which sounds fantastic also. >> i'm very traditional. i love -- it's kind of a fun party, but we have the kids -- the more and more kids are growing up there, and then we get up and have a little pageant and they read poems. you didn't come to our fourth of july party. >> jimmy: no, i wasn't invited. i was invited to your kris 345s party one time. every time i remind you that i would like to be invited and never does the invitation come. >> i thought it was like a -- you know, a production that you came. >> jimmy: no, no, no. you don't have to pay me anything. i would come for free. >> frankly i'm always embarrassed. >> jimmy: you're so embarrassed
i came. i love the parade that you have at your july 4th. >> we have a parade and people march around the tennis courts. i'll invite you -- we have -- i'll have a birthday party. invite you. the invitation will say no gifts, but ignore that. [laughs]. >> jimmy: we were talking to billy about his mastercard commercials. you the voice on the old navy commercials. >> yes, i do. i did it for a year. we would like fred to come in and audition for the second year. i went and auditioned. they finally said, we just decided to go with you another year. that's great. >> jimmy: that's good. >> it wasn't like we were so impressed. it was too much bother. let's just go with him. [laughs]. >> jimmy: you have one of those disney or nickelodeon shows.
what show is that in wizards? >> i have a whole new audience. little kids -- last year they had a pan mine show. it was all these kids with cinderella. you're on wizards of waiverly place. that's the only thing they know i've done. >> jimmy: of all the things you've done, what is like -- what's the weirdest one that people remember you from? >> i think i did a movie called how high. [ cheers and applause ]. >> it was -- the woo tang clan. you guys must know the woo tang clan. redman and method man. >> my friend who used to write from saturday night live, you have to be careful; those guys are going to beat you up.
what? so i really believed him. i was scared because they looked very tough, with the hat on. but they couldn't have been more progressional. when you do a scene and there's a closeup of you, they usually have a stand in, a script person, if they made a mistake, oh, man, i'm sorry. i'll be walking down the street, hey, man, how high? i was the president of harvard, that was a great spot. i was the president -- somehow redman and method man got enrolled in harvard. >> jimmy: it does happen. >> it could happen. of course they rocked havoc at that school. >> jimmy: you can't let them into harvard. >> you try. they were very well behaved. they do -- on the publicity tour, i think it had to be cut short, for some reason.
>> jimmy: well, they got to do the movie. that's okay. tell me about your new show. it's a very interesting concept. >> i almost forgot. how relaxed i am. what show? let's not talk about that. the producers -- you have to talk about it. >> jimmy: you're the host of the show. >> it's a wonderful idea. it's the same people who did who's line it is any way? the difference is i'm interviewing a celebty and they're telling me their life story. that seems like a very good piece to act out by our improve acto actors. they'll get up on the spot and act out. it's amazing. >> jimmy: i've seen that done in improve theaters.
>> this is david hasselhoff, we had serena williams. >> jimmy: did they do the thing with the hamburger with david? you know that one? >> yes, i think they did.
>> jimmy: wow. >> he was delightful. >> jimmy: there's another show you have, interesting actually this week -- this is a show dedicated to all about a band that you love. and this week that band broke up. this is special i was on with you. >> i remember. i'm glad you came on because the show didn't last long. it was a tribute. >> jimmy: i have a clip of that which i would like to show, if you don't mind. it's weird because this band happened to break up this very week. >> it was sad, yes. >> jimmy: okay. let's take a look. ♪ welcome to chum baa wum baa show. i'm your host fred willard. my special guest tonight is jimmy kimmel.
come on out jimmy. hey, chum baa wum baa. >> would you like a drink? i have a whisky drink. i have vodka drink. i have a log ga drink and a
smirnoff ice. just kidding. >> i'll take a side drink. thank you. >> i don't know if you've seen all these concerts. this one was my favorite. what a killer. maybe more about that later. jimmy, it says here on a few of these cards that you were born in brooklyn, new york. >> yes. >> what does that have to do with chum baa wum baa? >> nothing. it's just where i was born. >> were you ever born in chum baa wum baa? >> chum baa wum baa is not a places as far as i know. >> what if it was a place with restaurants and schools and jelly shops at every corner? >> yeah. okay. then i would -- yeah. i would be born there, sure. >> who wouldn't want to be born there except canadians. they're nuts. >> i guess, yeah. i guess it would be -- in chum baa wum baa. what is this? >> that's hard cider.
by that i mean vinegar. while we're on the subject of chum baa wum baa, if it was suffering from kidney failure, would youd donate all of your kidneys to keep them alive? >> i might give them one. >> one? whoa! if chum baa wum baa wants your kidneys, you give it to them. anyone who went to school knows that. you know what you need? >> what? >> you need some chum baa and wum baa. how would you like to need a kidney and not be able to find one. i'll tell you, chum baa wum baa. but you wanted to talk about the concerts. this one was in seattle, and that was great. >> please send vital oergens. >> i would like to hear more about that chum baa wum baa concert in seattle. was it really that great? did you try to call up stage
with them? you know, i did try to go up on stage. they called me up on the stage. [ cheers and applause ]. >> jimmy: that was a good show too. >> jimmy: fred willard! "trust us with your life" airs tuesdays at 9pm on abc. when we come back, music from grace potter & the nocturnals. get down! [ people clamoring, woman screams ] this is a stickup!
>> jimmy: the album is called "the lion the beast the beat" here with the song "never go back," grace potter and the nocturnals [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ you running round in circles but you won't find no better than this ♪ ♪ and after all your searching come back to the place that you missed ♪ ♪ but i'm closing up
for the season see you out there ♪ you're freezin' but i'm never letting you back in again oh no ♪ ♪ oh no i'll never go back there no more oh no oh no ♪ ♪ i'll never go back there no more oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh looking at your heartbeat ♪ ♪ like i've never seen it before too alive to ever sleep and the street ♪