tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 16, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for coming. thank you for watching at home. i appreciate your coming. that's very kind. [ cheers and applause ] it's very quiet in l.a. on the night after the grammy awards. the sanitation crews have cleaned up all the uptown funk that was all over the street. [ laughter ] everything is back to abnormal here. the big winners at the grammys last night. did you watch the grammy awards last night? [ cheers and applause ] i have no stake in it if you did or you didn't. but kendrick lamar, who gave a memorable performance, took home five awards. taylor swift won three grammys including the big one, album of
the show itself ran 3 1/2 hours long. so not everyone stayed for the entirety of the program. most notably, ice cube. ice cube was a presenter last night but as soon as he was done presenting he took to snapchat to say adios. >> if any of y'all thought i was going to stay through that whole three-hour [ bleep ] you out your batty ass mind. i'm back in the car, bitch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: out of your batty ass mind. that's a new one. i was not familiar with the term batty ass. but i'm going to use it. hey, batty ass, how are you doing over there? >> doing great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is a crazy thing that happened. this happened after the grammys. and if this wasn't on video, i don't know that i would have believed it. but taiga, the rapper, who's from here in los angeles, had a big afterparty at a club in hollywood last night. so a car pulls up carrying taylor hawkins, the drummer from foo fighters, beck the singer
mccartney, formerly of the beatles. so they show up for the party. and the doorman says they're not on the list. and turns them away. look at this. >> how vip do we got to get? >> they won't let you in? what? >> we need another hit, guys. we need another hit. work on it. >> next year. next year. >> so look at this. they told them to hit the abbey road, and he did. they got him out of there. they all went back into the car and went to another party. so today tyga got hammered on social media, and he had to tweet about it. he wrote, "i don't control the door. i had no knowledge sir paul was there. i just performed and left. and why would i deny paul mccartney? stop it, he's a legend." now, obviously tyga wasn't at the door keeping people who've been knighted from getting in. but i wanted to get to the bottom of this.
say hello to tyga, who is backstage. tyga? [ cheers and applause ] hey, is there a problem? is there a problem? >> jimmy, they won't let me in the green room. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. tell the doorman you're in the beatles. >> yo. i'm in the beatles. you know the beatles, right? >> jimmy: still it didn't work, huh? these guys are very -- hey, what happened last night? are you more of just a ringo guy or something? >> kind of like woke up to -- [ laughterer a series of texts and like tmz like. it was pretty crazy. >> jimmy: so you did not know that this was happening? >> i had no knowledge. i was like inside performing. and i wish i would have knew he was outside. i would have went out there with the mike, you know, brought him in, performed. >> jimmy: i heard the fire marshal was the one that wouldn't allow anyone else to come in. >> yeah, tweet the fire marshal. don't tweet me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you'd think fire codes
there's only two of them left, right? [ laughter ] really, worst case they both show up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think this is interesting. so tyga, did you have a list of people that you invited to the party? >> no. i actually got paid to go and perform. i really like didn't have no knowledge of what was going on. i just showed up, you know, and -- >> jimmy: have you reached out to paul mccartney to apologize? >> i mean, i tweeted him, but i don't think he seen my tweet. [ laughter ] i have a show coming up. i'm going on tour. i have a show february 26th at the nokia theater. paul, if you're watching this i'd love to you come -- >> jimmy: he's not going to fall for that again. [ laughter ] >> i'll personally walk you in. >> jimmy: tyga, do you think paul will retaliate with a diss track? >> i don't think so. he's pretty o.g. in the game. >> jimmy: you know, i'm going to make an executive decision. and please let tyga in the green room if he wants to go in.
[ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight. the luminous gwen stefani is
here with us. [ cheers and applause ] we have a huge crowd outside gathered around the samsung stage. fans have been lined up since late last night. last time or maybe the time before gwen was here she climbed up the scaffolding on our stage. how high is that scaffolding? about 30 feet in the air. if gwen was fire marshal she'd let paul mccartney right in. [ laughter ] no regard for safety whatsoever. also with us one of the stars of president obama's cabinet, secretary of state john kerry is here. [ cheers and applause ] the reason he's here is he was called in to town to negotiate peace between taylor swift and kanye west. [ laughter ] you know, jeb bush is still desperately trying to be president. jeb needs a strong result in the south carolina primary this
so he enlisted his brother. last night he joined his brother jeb at a rally. it's tough
to get an endorsement from the country's most distinguished dog painter. george was in rare form supporting his brother and bringing down the house with zingers like this. >> there seems to be a lot of name calling going on but i want to remind you what our good dad told me one time. labels are for soup cans. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can see, it's a good one. not only did george stadium wp his stump with his brother, they appeared on the sean hannity show last night where he proved he's still as sharp as a yak. >> i'm not an expert in a lot of things but i'm pretty knowledgeable about what it takes to be president. since i were one. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he were one. he's back, folks. grammar.
it's fun to watch jeb and george together because sometimes it's hard to tell if george is serious or just screwing with his brother. >> i will lead the country through tumultuous events. that's what i believe i can do because i learned how to do it when i was governor of the state of florida. >> yeah, i know you can do it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. when a bully is beating you up you bring in your big brother. this is probably where george bush would ratherr have been last night. last night and tonight from new york the westminster dog show, this is the 140th westminster dog show. the winner gets a blue ribbon and all the poop he can eat. it's really a fun thing for the dog. i will say i don't know if i agree with the concept of a dog show. something about the way they parade these animals around judging them on their looks. they treat these dogs like they're beauty pageant contestants.
there's already been some controversy surrounding last year's winner, a beagle named miss p. on twitter today kanye said he made that bitch famous. [ applause ] i was watching the dog show a few years ago. i thought of something that's now become kind of a tradition for us. i was wondering what it would look like if we graphically removed the dogs from the dog show. so the owners would be prancing around with nothing on the leash. [ laughter ] i'm still not sure how our graphics guys do this exactly, but they did, and here it is. the westminster dog show minus dogs. [ laughter ] it's weird, right? [ cheers and applause ] i can watch that for a couple of hours.
crazier with the dogs or without them. we have to take a break. when we come back, guillermo has a special report from the red carpet at the grammys with -- who's there? johnny depp. you got -- who else? >> alex cooper. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: never mind. we'll have it when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] shopping for an suv? well, this is the time. and your ford dealer is the place, to get 0% financing for 60 months on a ford suv. that's right. just announced. ford explorer...edge...escape... and expedition... are available with 0% financing for 60 months. ford suvs. designed to help you be unstoppable. no wonder ford is america's best selling brand. but hurry, 0% financing for 60 months on ford suvs is a limited time offer.
now you can create your own tour of italy at olive garden, starting at $12.99. choose 3 of 10 favorites to enjoy on one plate. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. the best tour of italy is the one you create. at olive garden. man, i'm glad aflac pays cash. aflac! isn't major medical enough? no! who's gonna' help cover the holes in their plans? aflac! like rising co-pays and deductibles... aflac! or help pay the mortgage?? or child care? aflaaac! and everyday expenses? aflac! learn about one day pay at aflac.com/boat blurlbrlblrlbr!!!
and he adds a lot of love to make it all taste good. this is terrible. to the recording studio! and he adds a lot of love to make it all taste good. jim beam and apple have come together to make history. introducing jim beam apple. poured
over ice and served with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge. to make a crisp refreshing
it's a great organization. they raised $7 million. and besides that the event itself is a lot of fun. [ applause ] it's similar to what they did during the grammys broadcast last night. they invited a bunch of musicians to sing lionel richie songs. so one of those musiciansize stevie wonder and he's there to sing "three times a lady." and i get to introduce him. which you know, is a big deal. so i'm standing there in the wings with our music booker, a guy named scott igo. we're on the side of the stage. and there's a video playing on the big screen while they set stevie up, they're bringing out his chair and his instrument and all this stuff. now, i'm about, i don't know 20:00 yards from where stevie is and we can see him and we're excited. then stevie kind of waves and moves his arm like this and scott goes, hey, i think he just waved at you. [ laughter ] and i looked over to see if he was kidding. and he wasn't. and i said, i don't think he did.
in general. and then scott locked himself in the trunk of his car and we haven't seen him since saturday. [ applplse ] that's 100% true. last night before the grammys got started the stars arrived on the red carpet and guillermo was there with his microphone, with a gal lonn oflon of tequila and with a list of the best questions any correspondent has ever asked. here he is, guillermo on the red carpet at the grammys. >> hi, it's me, guillermo. i'm here at the grammys, and i'm going to talk to a lot of celebrities. i hope so. >> hi. how are you? for jimmy kimmel. how are you doing? >> i'm doing good. >> where are the machines? >> they're here, actually. they're my band and they're around here. rob's here. chris is here. >> what did your sweetheart give you for valentine? >> i didn't get anything but i spoke to my mom.
because you didn't get anything. look. >> thank you so much. >> you're welcome. thank you very much. in europe they give two kiss, huh? in mexico they give five kiss. [ laughter ] thank you very much. >> hi. how are you? >> what's up? miami dade county 305 at the grammys. we the best. major key alert. >> what the hell are you wearing? >> i'm wearing we da best, finest fabric. shot terrell my stylist. this fabric's cut from a special cloth, the finest cloth. cloth alert. >> can you sign my -- the poster? >> that's miami. >> the rhythm is going to get you. >> huh? the rhythm's going to get you. >> do you know how to do the conga? >> there you are. won't you shake your body baby dot conga. know you can't control yourself any longer. >> what the hell are you wearing?
>> oh. be careful with the birds. you might have a mess in there. >> tequila. >> tequila. >> oh, yeah. >> what are we going to cheers? >> cheers to -- >> to lesbians. >> to lesbians. [ laughter ] >> in a fight between lady gaga and lady antebellum who do you think will win? >> lady gaga. no question. she'd kick everybody's ass. >> you've got your money on lady gaga. how much money? i think lady antebellum. how much money you got? >> i'll put a 20 on it. >> wow. he will make a great santa claus for my kids' school. [ laughter ] >> everything good? >> [ speaking spanish ]. >> what the hell are you wearing? >> [ speaking spanish ]. >> i don't speak spanish.
>> winona judd. >> who? >> wynonna judd. >> sure. send her. but if you have beyonce or rihanna send them over here too. >> what the heck? >> how are you? what are you wearing? >> bedazzle. >> bedazzle. >> bedazzle. i love the way you say that. >> bedazzle? >> yeah. rhinestones. >> i like your hair. >> you've been drinking. >> me? >> yeah. >> oh. only a little bit. what are you doing tonight? >> do you even know who i am? >> yeah. no. i'm drunk. >> hi. charlie puth, how are you doing? >> i know you. >> do you want a peanut butter and jelly in a can? >> what? >> a peanut butter jelly in a can? >> is that what this is? >> yeah. >> all right. here we go. oh, my god.
don't eat it. it's probably from months ago. >> what i'm interested in now -- oh, got. it's actual bread and peanut butter. >> do you want a pie? >> do i want a pie? sure. how do you have -- where is all this food coming from? >> oh, god. here we go. >> [ bleep ]. >> you like it? >> no. >> thank you very much. tony bennett. tony bennett. how are you doing, sir? nice meeting you. [ laughter ] it was nice meeting tony bennett. good guy. hey, kendrick. hey, kendrick, for "jimmy kimmel live." how are you? how are you doing? everything good? wow. kendrick lamar. not very good. i can tell you that. >> three amigos. we are three amigos. how are you guys? >> very well. nice to see you. >> we're ready to play. >> are you guys performing tonight?
>> whoa. >> is that okay? >> it will warm you up. >> good as you are, bad as i am. >> do you want a pickle? >> not really. >> no. >> do you want a pickled egg? >> actually, i have a date tonight. so -- >> i'm at eggs anonymous. i don't really -- >> will you give jimmy a kiss for me? >> i'll give him the kiss. >> no, you've got to kiss jimmy for me. >> i'll kiss jimmy for you. >> i'll kiss you. and then you kiss jimmy. >> thank you very much. see you. >> lionel. for "jimmy kimmel live." hey. >> how are you? >> i want to ask you a question. >> my little soulmate. >> oh, my god. oh, my god. what a great guy. this is the best interview i've ever done. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gracias guillermo. i'll take that kiss later.
tonight on the show, secretary of state john kerry is here. and we'll holla right back with gwen stefani. so stick around. >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by wendy's, home of the deliciously different single, double, and triple. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. today where's the beef? means something different. some use beef frozen from far away. but wendy's believes the juiciest hamburgers are made from fresh beef raised... right here. land of the beef, home of the
this is data on a wireless network. look, a door! let's all go through it together! (background talking and yelling) when it gets busy, it can get overwhelmed. like this. a better network prepares for heavy traffic with more capacity. (zoom noises) the door is bigger! (background talking and yelling) a better network, like verizon, for instance.
that feeling. you know the one. that "grand-slam, aced-the-presentation" feeling. multiply that feeling. it's the deal of all deals. a moment worthy of celebration. now multiply
that. you're everyone's hero in the championship of all championships it's that feeling. multiplied. introducing the new multiplier scratch-offs. a chance to win. and a chance to multiply your winnings. yea, that feeling we stop arthritis pain, so you don't have to stop. tylenol 8hr arthritis pain has two layers of pain relief. the first is fast.
>> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, from the united states, the secretary of state john kerry is here. he's got a new show on hulu. tomorrow night megan fox will be here. from "gotham" ben mckenzie. music from grammy winner chris stapleton. and on thursday, from "scandal," kerry washington. from "game of thrones," nikolaj coster-waldau, and music from jason derulo. join us then. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is one of the most talented and just generally appealing people in the country/world. this is her new lp called "this is what the truth feels like." it will be made available march 18th. please say hello to gwen stefani.
[ cheers and applause ] by the way, first of all, thank you for coming. secondly, that was unbelievable, what you did last night during the grammys. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's never been done before, right? >> i can't believe that happened. that was a trip. >> jimmy: for those who missed it, you did a four-minute -- during commercial time live music video. you performed the whole thing from beginning to end was live. >> yes. >> jimmy: which meant there's a great possibility of somebody screwing up and turning the whole thing into a disaster. how long did you rehearse for something like that? >> well, they've been talking about it since christmas. and you know, planning it and just every little detail counts. there was hundreds of people working there. and i personally worked on it probably six days maybe at the most. >> jimmy: six days.
to like 3:00 in the morning. >> jimmy: let's show a clip. for people who did not see it, this is what it entailed. that is a part of it. that is you and you're roller skating. you're a good roller skater, by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you have to learn to roller skate for this event? >> i actually -- i guess i sort of know how to from when i was a kid. but no, i'm not a roller skater. >> jimmy: and what are you roller skating in right there? is this a circle you're going in? >> it reveals look a target at the end when you look down on it. it's a target circle. >> jimmy: that was -- crash. >> jimmy: yeah. that was not you, right? >> no. everybody thinks that was me but that was a stunt double. we did that on purpose so people would go oh, my god, it's live and she fell. >> jimmy: well, we did think that last night and then we went back and watched it and you were in the next shot. are two of you, which is possible. >> no. when i go to the possible is when they put the skates on me. i'm singing to the piano and through. there was a door i went in which
missed the door. i went through. my feet went up and i landed on my head. and i think that really helped me knock some sense into me. [ laughter ] because actually after that i was really good. so i don't know. it's just crazy. >> jimmy: you had a neon song that said blake's. was that for blake lively or blake griffin? [ laughter ] or perhaps i don't know, maybe another -- >> yeah, that was -- i don't know. that was a coincidence. i don't know why they put that. that was weird. >> jimmy: that song is about blake shelton? >> it is, actually. yeah. >> jimmy: it sounds like it is. >> i will admit that song is about that guy, yeah. >> jimmy: isn't it great that you can take something in your life and you can actually make something out of it that's a creative expression? >> you know, what's so crazy is like sometimes tragedy can -- if you really absorb it you can turn it into something beautiful. this whole album is really about trying to take something that was awful and just, i don't know, healing from it and then turning it into something beautiful. >> jimmy: that's the great thing
because somebody that works at target, for instance, they can't do that. they go through something bad, they go through whatever, they can't make a hit record out of it. >> but they can listen to this and relate to it and get pleasure out of it. >> jimmy: yeah. i'm saying it's a good thing. this is your first time at the grammys. in -- what year was that? >> i don't remember. >> jimmy: long time ago. >> that was old school. >> jimmy: what are you wearing there? [ laughter ] >> you don't like it? >> jimmy: who are you wearing there? >> my god. >> jimmy: no, it's cute. you know, very japanese. >> you are right. you have to understand, like back in those days, like i did not have stylists. i did not have makeup artists. nothing. i did -- i drove the van. do you know what i mean? through corn fields late at night. i was in a van with all guys and they're like you guys are going to get a grammy, you're nominated. so we flew back. we were on tour for probably
i mean gone, gone on tour around the world. my hair was broken off. i had -- i remember i came in to new york and they took me shopping and i was like what am i going to wear? and somebody sent me that. dolce & gabbana. it's one of the first times a designer was like you can wear this for free. i was like, whoa, okay. does it fit? barely. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] i didn't have someone to like fit it on me or anything. i just was like -- >> jimmy: you've come a very long way, haven't you? >> i have. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were living with your parents back then. >> i was still living with my parents. i was 26. >> jimmy: i read i think yesterday, maybe the day before, that no doubt has -- they've taken on a new lead singer. >> oh. i think -- >> jimmy: i hope this is not the first you're hearing about it. [ laughter ] >> i actually first heard about it on the internet. no, they're doing like a side project. they want to do a band. they want to be in a punk band. it's not no doubt. >> jimmy: oh, it's not no doubt.
doubt are doing a new band. >> jimmy: i see. okay. >> just to do new music. >> jimmy: i don't know why they positioned it like it was the sammy hagar david lee roth thing. wouldn't it be something if they got sammy hague tore replace you? >> they should have done that. >> jimmy: but then if you call and say okay, that guy's out, i'm back in, are you back with no doubt? >> i have to text tony and ask him that. >> jimmy: would they have to vote? would the band have to actually -- >> i think there probably would be a vote, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. who's going to drive the van if you're not there? >> that's true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: through the corn fields and everything. i mean, really. well, we're going to take a break. when we come back, we have something i hope you'll enjoy. >> i love you. >> jimmy: i want to show you something. this is the wall of america. on the wall we've got six different people. one of these people is a person from your past. from your -- well, i'm not going to say exactly where from your past. but -- >> this is so weird. >> jimmy: -- when we come back we're going to see if you can figure it out. gwen stefani is here.
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: aerial coverage provided by goodyear. tires chosen by experts for superior performance in challenging conditions. goodyear. more driven. piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut.
it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard. only at priceless.com. whatcha gonna do when you get outta here? i'm gonna have some fun! what do you consider fun? fun, natural fun! ow! i'm in heaven with my boyfriend, my laughing boyfriend. steppin' in a rhythm to a funky flow. who needs to think when your feet just go? whatcha gonna do when you get outta here? i'm gonna have some fun! fun, natural fun! baby! never underestimate the power of energizer.
good morning sunset. good morning night. good morning neon, shining bright. good morning hunger. good morning stars. good morning people who just left bars. good morning gamers. good morning moon. good morning morning. which will be starting soon. esurance was born online. which means fewer costs, which saves money. their customer experience is virtually paperless, which saves paper, which saves money. they have smart online tools, so you only pay for what's right for you, which saves money. they settle claims quickly, which saves time, which saves money.
which saves money. they were born online, and built to save money, which means when they save, you save. that's auto and home insurance for the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. [ screaming ] [ tires screech ] ahhhhh!!! [ horn honking ] [ panting ] i focused on being prepared. [ gasp ] i saved your life by bringing you here. i knew this day would come. [ alarm sounding ] it's not safe out there. [ scream ] [ gasp ] something's coming.
sometimes we use k-y ultragel to enhance my body's natural moisture so i can get into it a bit quicker. and when i know she's into it, i get into it and... feel the difference with k-y ultragel. [ cheers and applause ] we are back with gwen stefani. this is her album. it's called "this is what the truth feels like." it's time to play "blast from the past." here we go. we've got six people on the wall. one of these people, only one of these people, is from your past. and you can go ahead and pick somebody. and when you pick somebody you can ask them if they are the person from your past. and if they are, that person, yes or no questions. okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: so look at the screen -- >> i already feel terrible
i have a really bad memory. >> jimmy: it's okay. just look at the faces. look at the faces. >> if i really had to choose i would say number 6. >> jimmy: number 6. number 6, are you the person from gwen stefani's past? >> boom shaka lacka, i am not. but i'm in the drum business. >> jimmy: he is not from your past. let's go back to the wall. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: look around again. i honestly, i feel sick right now. [ laughter ] because i can't -- >> jimmy: that's what we want from our guests. [ laughter ] >> okay. they said it was from a real long time ago. i'm going to go for number 4. >> jimmy: number 4, are you the person from gwen's past? >> i am the person from gwen's past. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah. gwen, do you recognize this woman? >> i have the worst memory. oh, my gosh. am i going to feel horrible right now? >> jimmy: i don't know. i don't know if you are.
why don't you tell us your first name? >> my first name istracy. >> jimmy: tracy. does that ring a bell? [ laughter ] >> sorry. >> jimmy: gwen, you want to ask a yes or no -- oh. >> oh, come on. how would i remember that? so you're from camp fox, which was when i was in seventh grade or something. >> jimmy: seventh grade? >> was it seventh grade? >> that's right. >> yeah. we went to camp and -- >> jimmy: oh, that's tracy. >> yeah, that's tracy from camp fox. hello. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tracy, maybe you can help gwen. what do you remember from your time with gwen? >> well, our first year of camp we were in the same cabin together. and we had the boys row us over to italian gardens because we didn't want to do the work ourselves. maybe gwen might have had a crush on one of the counselors named jeff or --
oh, my god! >> jimmy: jeff. jeff looks like a fitness instructor. what's going on here also? tracy, is that you? >> that guy's naughty. he tried to -- >> jimmy: what did he do? >> afterward we went -- we went on a date or something. i can barely remember. and we went to like the drive-ins. i was like i've got to go home. like it was bad. and i never talked to him again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's a blast from jeff's past too. >> are you friends with jeff? >> no, i'm not. >> jimmy: she is not friends with -- she married jeff. jeff, come on out. [ laughter ] well, thank you, tracy. what a great reunion that was. [ applause ] thank you, tracy. gwen stefani. you're going to play -- what are you going to play for us tonight? >> i'm going to do my new single "make me like you." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the new album comes out march 18th.
truth feels like." gwen stefani. we'll be right back with john kerry. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: aerial coverage provided by goodyear. tires chosen by experts for superior performance in challenging conditions. goodyear. more driven. check this out, bro. what's that, broheim? i switched to geico and got more. more savings on car insurance? yeah bro-fessor, and more. like renters insurance. more ways to save. nice, bro-tato chip. that's not all, bro-tein shake. geico has motorcycle and rv insurance, too. oh, that's a lot more. oh yeah, i'm all about more, teddy brosevelt.
the nissan rogue. with the powow and performance of our intuitive all-wheel drive. now get a $189 per month lease on the 2016 nissan rogue. who knew dates and cashews mashed together could taste likea cookie? you think they'd taste like dates and cashews. nope, cookie. weird. larabar. food made from food. every day you read headlines about businesses being hacked and intellectual property being stolen. that is cyber-crime and it affects each and every one of us. microsoft created the digital crimes unit to fight cyber-crime. we use the microsoft cloud to visualize information so we can track down the criminals. when it comes to the cloud, trust and security are paramount. we're building what we learn back into the cloud
still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain. what happens when lobster gets grilled, baked, and paired with even more lobstst? you get hungry. and you count the seconds until red lobster's lobsterfest is
[ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back. over the last three years our next guest has been to almost 80 countries and logged more than a million frequent flyer miles. he is the head of the u.s. state department. please welcome secretary of state john kerry. [ cheers and applause ] well, thanks for coming. do i call you your honor or what is the proper way to address the secretary of state? >> hi. >> jimmy: that seems simple enough. >> that's quite a ride, that thing. >> jimmy: the elevator?
why do i feel like you're here to see gwen stefani. is that true? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] how long have you been secretary of state for now? >> i've been secretary of state since february 1st, 2013. >> jimmy: i know you said you like the job. do you still like the job? >> i love the job. >> jimmy: you love the job. >> i have the best job in america. >> jimmy: really? i feel like guillermo has the better job. >> who? >> jimmy: guillermo over here. >> i'll tell you this. guillermo has more fun than i do. >> jimmy: he probably does. because when bad things happen around the world they say john, go there. >> no, they say why did you let that happen? >> jimmy: and why did you let that happen too? >> it's okay. i truly love -- it's fantastic. to be able to represent your country and to be able to try to stop a war, to try to make a country better, to make our country stronger, it's a privilege. >> jimmy: it's such a hard job, though.
had a cease-fire agreement in syria over the weekend. and that -- >> well, we have an agreement to try to make it work over the course of the week. and i think everybody believes it's going to take a little longer than that. but we also didn't want to sort of say oh, let's have a cease-fire in three weeks or two weeks. it doesn't make sense. you've got to push the process as hard as you can. and try to save lives. and so we're pushing the process. because we said a week, we'll get it done sooner than we would have if we did it in two weeks or three weeks. >> jimmy: do you ever feel like it's hopeless, like there's no reasoning with this group of people or that group of people and they're not listening to me and there's nothing i can do, why am i here, why am i not home in bed? >> am i allowed to lie? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: of course. isn't that what politicians do? [ laughter ] [ applause ] not you of course. but the others who aren't sitting next to me. [ laughter ] >> well, i'm -- i'm out of
>> jimmy: are you? do you feel like you are out of politics? >> i'm out of politics. and judging by the republican field, half of them are too. you visit these other countries -- >> i do. >> jimmy: people who say what's going on with this donald trump, is he really going to ban the muslims from coming into the country? do you hear about that stuff from people? >> i hear about it everywhere. >> jimmy: you do? >> i do. >> jimmy: wow. >> and i think next year the white house will be sending out a lot less christmas cards. >> jimmy: not if donald trump's in it. he's going to send out only christmas cards. there will be no happy holidays at all. the holidays will not be happy anymore. [ applause ] when you get a phone call in the middle of the night, it's never good news, right? i mean, it's always something bad. >> if you get -- yeah. if you get a call. >> jimmy: who decides whether or not the call goes to you, whether or not you're awakened in the night?
>> we have people working 24 hours seven in the state department. it would depend on what it was, whether it would go to me or whether it would go to the secretary of defense or whether it would go directly to the white house. >> jimmy: are there times where you say i've got to wake the president up? >> no. i -- no. i have not had to do that. i just don't -- there's a process where if that had to happen it would either be the chief of staff of the white house or the national security adviser i'm sure. >> jimmy: if you and i were friends, i would call you in the milled of the night all the time. [ laughter ] and i would be like, [ accent ] "there is trouble in abu dhabi." [ laughter ] >> that's why if you put a screen up with six people from my past i wouldn't remember you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you're traveling, we have a map actually. i think it's interesting to visualize all the different countries that you've been to since you started this job. you probably would add more if were just counting your own
all the countries in red -- like if this were a game of risk you would be way ahead of everybody else. [ laughter ] are you planning to get to all of them before you're done? >> looks like a game of monopoly to me. i like it. >> jimmy: do you pack yourself or does someone pack for you? >> i absolutely pack myself. >> jimmy: are you always packed and ready to go? >> i actually have a bag that rarely gets completely unpacked. >> jimmy: do you have an international calling plan? >> no. yes, i do. i do. i absolutely do. >> jimmy: what do you say to people who say -- who don't think what happens in other countries is important to us in this country? >> i say to people that you know, there's no such thing as foreign policy. everything we do now, i mean, this world is so interconnected. and everything that we do in the state department is geared toward creating jobs, making life better for americans, protecting us here at home. i mean, we all saw what happened in san bernardino.
we know what the threat of daesh is toy, isil. if we don't do our job to the best of our ability all the time, we're letting the american people down and i think president obama has made clear that the top priority of his administration is to keep america safe. and we're doing everything possible. >> jimmy: your job seems like the hardest job anyone could ever have to me. what would you do -- if you had to sit taylor swift and kanye west down, how would you -- >> i actually thought that's why i was here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we could set that up. [ applause ] well, i appreciate you taking time to stop by. >> i'm not even sure the best secretary of state could get a cease-fire between them. >> jimmy: well, maybe the next person will have that on their agenda. well, thank you so much for coming. >> it's such a pleasure. >> jimmy: i appreciate you being here. secretary of state john kerry, everybody. we'll be right back with gwen
presented by samsung. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank secretary john kerry and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, her album "this is what the truth feels like" comes out march 18th. here with the song "make me like you," gwen stefani! [ cheers and applause ] ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah i was fine before i met you i was broken but fine i was lost and uncertain but my heart was still mine i was free before i met you i was broken but free alone in a clear view but now you are all i see hey wait a minute no you can't do this to me wait a minute no that's not fair hey wait a minute
i really like it but i'm so scared ooh why'd you have to go and make me like you yeah this is a feeling i'm not used to ooh why'd you have go and make me like you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah now you've got me missing you something i could get used to i could get used to this it's getting harder to leave it your lips on my lips whoa i can't believe it how good it could be didn't wanna believe it but now you are all i see hey wait a minute no you can't do this to me wait a minute hey that's not fair hey wait a minute you're on me like jewelry
but i'm so scared ooh why'd you have go and make me like you yeah this is a feeling i'm not used to ooh why'd you have to go and make me like you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you ooh why'd you have go and make me like you yeah this is a feeling i'm not used to ooh why'd you have go and make me like you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you oh god thank god that i found you oh god 'cause now you got me missing you oh god thank god that i found you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you [ cheers and applause ] thank god
i found you now you got me missing you ooh why'd you have go and make me like you yeah this is a feeling i'm not used to ooh why'd you have go and make me like you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you ooh why'd you have go and make me like you yeah this is a feeling i'm not used to ooh why'd you have go and make me like you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you oh god thank god that i found you oh god 'cause now you got me missssg you oh god thank god that i found you i'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me
[ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, smackdown. >> the fairy tale is coming true. >> a stunning retirement in the world of pro wrestling. daniel bryan speaking out about his decision to walk away from the sport because of a problem usually associated with football. >> when you get slammed, you really get slammed. >> how concussions are a shared worry and what bryan has to say about his pro wrestling wife fighting in the ring. plus, suicide cluster. why does this affluent town in the heart of silicon valley have
the national average? >> we were losing a child about every six weeks. >> what this community is doing to prevent another tragedy. a story every parent should see tonight. and best in show. behind the scenes with the more than 3,000 canines competing in the westminster kennel club dog show tonight. we'll show you who emerged as top dog. but first, here are the
IN COLLECTIONSWLOS (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search Service
Uploaded by TV Archive on