tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 17, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT
all right, time now for tonight's closing argument. more controversial comments surfaced from the past of delaware's new republican senate nominee christine o'donnell. in 2002, she told phil donna hugh, quote, condoms will not protect you from aids. earlier, o'donnell went on the record to oppose masturbation. so, tonight, we wanted to ask you, do o'donnell's extreme comments on matters of sexual morality and public health, do they render her unfit for the united states senate or is this just a media-generated distraction from her real kw qualitie
qualities? tell us what you think about it on the "nightline" panel at abcnews.com, and some striking images from the latest american city to be hit by a tornado. new york city. while the national weather service is still trying to decide if the fierce tempest that killed at least one person technically qualified, there was no doubt on the streets of this city tonight. that is our report. for all of us at abc news, then, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, with my pal guillermo and a message from bud light, architects of this football season's most essential guide, the bud light playbook. >> here we go. >> jimmy: not so fast, guillermo. if you want to get on the action, first, you need to take a photo of the snap tag logo on the bud light packaging. all right. am i doing this right? here we go. why are we in suits at a tailgate party? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i don't know either,
guillermo. then text or e-mail it to bud light. you'll get plays of the week, tailgate tips and more, all season long. >> jimmy, i have a tip. >> jimmy: what is it? >> it's like a suggestion. >> jimmy: no, i know what a tip is. i was asking what your tip is. >> oh. here is my tip. hollow out one of your legs and fill it with bud light. >> jimmy: hollow out one of your legs and fill it out with pub lied. that's physically impossible. >> no it isn't. >> jimmy: yes it is. >> no it isn't. i call it the keg leg. >> jimmy: a keg leg? >> si. it's filled up with delicious >> jimmy: oh, wow. look at that. >> jimmy: you want something? >> no, i'll just take a bottle, though. thanks. >> dicky: for more tailgate tips, plays of the week and other shenanigans, visit facebook.com/budlight. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with maura tierney, music from usher back in two minutes with maura tierney, music from usher and ben affleck. down there. look at that t
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>> jimmy: thanks, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thanks for -- thanks for coming so i can gaze in your eyes and -- it's great to have you here. it would be embarrassing if you weren't here. we have a lot to get to tonight, and not a moment to waste, beginning with the pope, who could not be here tonight with us, but the pope is in england right now. hard to believe, but this is the first official papal visit to great britain in more than 500 years. in the 1500s, hinge henry wanted to divorce his wife but the pope wouldn't allow it -- it was a different pope -- so, instead henry chopped her head off, and that was that, and -- this morning the pope was greeted by the queen, who is the head of the church of england, and fellow member of the funny hat club. you can see they had a big ceremony. it's weird to see the pope in a regular car. but he was driving in the car and he and the queen -- very casual. very casual.
they have a very friendly relationship. and then they went to brunch or something. this week in new york city is fashion week. fashion week is when all the big designers get together to roll out the very latest clothing for women whose bodies could fit in a rain gutter. and -- [ laughter ] and then they smoke and split a saltine or something. i don't know. i'm not a fashion expert. i'm not even allowed to knot my own tie for the show. so, i don't have many thoughts on fashion week. but my aunt chippy is a woman who knows her way around a runway. here tonight with her thoughts on the latest fashion of 2010, aunt chippy. >> this is aunt chippy. let's talk fashion. it's fashion week in new york. let's take a look. we'll play checkers on that one. this is a piece of [ bleep ]. look at that hair. the dress sucks. go, go, go!
this one here, i wouldn't wear to a dog show. off, much, off. this one here is a sick son of a bitch. she looks like she's out of a scary movie. get it off. oh. now, this really made the cut. nobody would buy it. nobody will wear it. she looks like she's getting pooped out by a swan. this is not even fashion. this is [ bleep ]. let's go, get this out of here. what the hell is this? a zombie octopus? get rid of this. oh, clocks. how inventive. this is ridiculous. getting a [ bleep ] ulcer here. not only are they the stupidest things i ever saw to look at, but they're a waste of my time and yours and anybody who is looking at it. do you hear me? i'm done. time is done. good night. sleep tight and i wish you many
nightmares. [ applause ] >> jimmy: she's -- she's a little high strung. midterm elections are coming up in november. here in california, we're electing a new governor to replace the guy that played "kindergarten cop." the race now is former governor jerry brown against former ebay eco meg whitman, who spent more on her campaign than any politician in american history. $119 million. there's a buy it now option for $300 million. but it hasn't come to that yet. $119 million -- we should just give her the job. she obviously really, really wants it. i had no idea the whitmans made so much money from those sample earls. yes, they're delicious, but -- see if i had $119 million to spend, i would just buy everyone a scooter and say -- please vote for me. you can talk all you want,
scooter buys my vote. the tea party movement is running full steam ahead now. sarah palin and her merry band of follows had a big night. the tea party supported a woman named christine o'donnell in delaware who in the '90s mounted a campaign to get kids to stop masturbating. it didn't work, by the way. you know, i try to go on the internet and find out more why she would oppose this, but i got d distracted of 5 billion women naked on it. and already her democratic opponent, his name is chris kuns, he has a double-digit lead in the polls, in part because of these ads. >> christine o'donnell is too extreme for delaware. she's a creationist who believes in abstinence only education. and she even opposes masturbation.
chris kuns is no extremist. he's a seasoned legislator with a proven record of bipartis bipartisanship, who loves to masturbate. he mar does baits all the time. at home, in the office, one time, even in the bathroom of air force one. chris coons masturbated right before taking this picture. chris coons. masturbating for delaware. >> jimmy: well, someone has to. [ applause ] sorry, chris. if it makes you any better, i've done it, too, all right? in mexico today, they're celebrating the bicentennial of their independence, despite mexico drowning in a major crime wave right now. the opposite is happening in the united states. the fbi reported that the national crime rate fell 5% year to year, and while a lot of credit for that goes to the police, i think it has something to do with security guards. you know, most people don't know
this, but well, here at this show, our security force is one of the finest in the world. it starts at the top with uncle frank and guillermo. and then -- [ applause ] it continues through the ranks. i'm very, very proud of our security team and to demonstrate just how effective they are, we set up cameras and created scenarios in which crimes would be committed, right in front of them, just to give the world an idea of how quickly they react. our first subject is our back door security guard george. >> oh, hi. i'm here to cesse see sara roe. can you tell me how to find her? okay. >> hey!
>> get off me, man! get off me. hey, hey, hey! >> jimmy: there you go. nicely done, george. not bad at all. not good, but not bad. next, a man who i think is a former green beret -- no? our next test of staff parking lot security guard rickie. >> hey, fork you, man. >> that's funny, rickie. he's a funny guy. all right, so, here we go. >> hey, hey, hey! >> jimmy: here comes rickie. walkie in hand. >> what you gonna do, man? >> i need assistant in park nine.
>> what you going to do? >> jimmy: and there we go. oh, that's -- and down goes rickie. well, rickie got -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know what, though? he gave it 110%, so that counts for something. really just hire the guy who had the spray paint, right? and finally a woman who guards the stairway to my office, and the most feared and respected women in all of security guardville. the perpetually befuddled adolina. >> they just brought some cake from upstairs. i asked kyle if i could have some and he says to me, well, it's not up to me, it's up to
pam. and he set it on the table, right? so, right after he left, i said -- my ass with pam, i'm just going to have my cake so, i went over there and grabbed the cake and i brought it back to my table and i ate it all. >> i got to go. bye, bye, bye. whoa! hey. >> jimmy: well -- [ laughter ] all right, well. and -- i guess i'll call somebody.
yeah, probably call somebody. and now he got the walkie. >> oh, he took my -- >> jimmy: the walkie. >> george -- well, he looks like -- he might have, like, green eyes or blue eyes. he might have, like, like brown hair. he looks skinny like he's underfed. yes, i'm in my post. all right. bye. >> jimmy: all right. oh, well, look who's back. >> you want this back? >> huh? >> you want this back? >> yeah. >> get back, lady. >> george, he's here, he's downstairs. >> jimmy: still chewing gum.
and back to the seat. >> there's some guy running around with a gun. he brought my radio back. >> jimmy: all right. oh, wait a minute. oh, he's back. >> take the table, man. >> jimmy: and now the -- disturbed everything. and -- >> we're minus a table now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, no. i've never felt safer. come out and take a bow. look at that, the "jimmy kimmel live" security force. yeah. take a bow, take a bow. go ahead. [ cheers and applause ]
>> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: nicely done. i'm replacing you all with combination locks. all right. another week of our lives is almost past and time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> taylor swift sang a new song at the vmas last night about kanye west about [ bleep ] him. >> actually i am [ bleep ] older than most of these nominees. >> you betcha. there's another woman i got to [ bleep ], you betcha. >> the city of bell is going to [ bleep ] a great big [ bleep ] and 4,000 homeowners are going to get a piece of it. >> jack white brought one of the jackson, who was a fantastic rock a billy [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> she was down in the jail [ bleep ] [ bleep ] like, that's my -- you know. >> well, lady gaga and senator harry reid are [ bleep ] buddies.
>> i really love about america? i love [ bleep ]. >> oh. >> that's right. i love [ bleep ]. >> gets a chance to steal. >> [ bleep ]. >> did you say [ bleep ]? >> years ago when "good will hunting" came out, we got in the elevator with you guys. two guys, just [ bleep ] their [ bleep ]. >> i don't -- the way you said that was -- made me uncomfortable. >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. maura tierney is here. music from usher. and we'll be right back with ben affleck, so stick around. when i brought it home, and opened it up, wow! it just caught me right away. [ male announcer ] flameless luminaries, from febreze! the beautiful and safe way to add fragrance and a touch of light to your home.
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maura tierney is here. then later, for the ladies, this is his brand new album. it's called "versus." his us tour begins november 10th in seattle, washington. usher, from the bud light outdoor stage. next week, we'll be joined by courtney cox, jeremy renner, zach galafianakis, bruno tonioli, joaquin phoenix, who i think is crazy. the cast of "modern family" will be here. we'll have music from band of horses, trombone shorty, pry must and phoenix, so, join us then. our first guest is an academy award winner whom you know from many films and sexy videos. he is the director, co-writer and star of a great new movie called "the town." it opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome ben affleck. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: what's happening? good to see you. >> good to be back. on the big show. >> jimmy: i don't know if you noticed, but -- when we -- [ cheers and applause ] he's mine, all right, so calm down. when we embraced i pointed my toe invun lunn tearily behind me. >> i felt it. >> jimmy: how is everything? congratulations. >> not as good, but i'm surviving. >> jimmy: you must be very pleased with yourself right now, because the movie, first of all, you know it's great, right? >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: you're welcome. you didn't answer. >> i was looking on the rotten tomatoes website where they get the critics stuff, and you're at 90%, which is like "toy story 3" neighborhood. >> the movies are very similar. >> jimmy: they do have a lot of similarities. and it occurred to me today that, you know, a lot only people thought, ben aflekt and
matt damon, not only didn't you need him at all, in a way, i think he hurt your progress as an artist. >> well, you would think that. you know, and you've always taken my side. which is sweet. >> jimmy: i do think that. >> there were some late nights that were quiet and you held me and made it go away. we don't need to do that again here. >> jimmy: we don't have to get into that. you made the movie in boston which is where you always make the movies, i mean, really. what's going on there? is there some sort of -- you have to make movies there, or you're afraid if you do it in another city, when you go back, they'll beat you up and kill you? >> i am comfortable with boston, because you just have to get used to a play where at least in my experience, a compliment sounds something like, up know, i used to think you were a real [ bleep ]. all right. am i right? that feels pretty good, right? you know where you stand. >> jimmy: yeah, you do. people -- what -- what happened to people in boston?
how did they wind up like that? because i never knew -- like, dicky barrett, our announcer is from boston. and he's the friendliest of the batch. and he'll punch new the face and hit but a beer bottle. >> there's great people in boston. we went through and did these open castings, right, because we wanted to get people to be in the movie who were not actors. we would get 1,000 people in the shot. we found some amazing people. and occasionally there were people that stalked us through the remaining time of the filming there on the set. ben, ben, you never saw me do my pimp walk! so it takes all kinds, really. >> jimmy: you know, i think it works out great in the movie. i remember in "gone baby gone," youed that that woman, she played the sister in law, you just kind of found her on the street. and in this movie, i'm not sure which of the people were actors first or just people that accosted you on the street with their pimp walks, that's a bad idea for you. when people know you put
nonactors in the movie, it's got to make your life terrible there. >> not really. i mean, going back and sort of, people ask me for jobs and stuff? in my experience, people in boston cut to the chase. they just ask me for cash. ben, ben, ben, i would love to do the movie. i don't have the time myself. cut me off a quick 10 k i'll be out of your way, never see me again. >> jimmy: that's very thoughtful. that's great. [ applause ] why have you not put me in any of your movies. >> you don't have those kinds of gifts. >> jimmy: hey, everybody, i'll rob a bank and park a car and all that stuff. >> you'd be good for, like, a boston porn. boston porn actor. >> we could call it "boston cream pie." something to think about. or just cut me the check, either one. all right, so, you had -- you shot a lot of the movie in fenway park, which is a fun
thing, i would imagine. >> are you kidding me? fenway was the place that i used to go -- they used to suck when i was a kid, right? in fourth place, i used to go down there, the stands wouldn't be full past, like, the home dugout and we would go, my dad would take me to the bleachers, you could get seats for three bucks, they were still serving beer in the bleachers, so, you were dodging fights and getting beer spilled on me, by my dad. it was a great time. to turn around and be filming there was amazing. though it was kind of like, for catholics, going to the sistine chapel and then, you know, seeing that the toilet's backed up, you know what i mean? we were in the underground by-ways -- >> jimmy: and that was really shot -- you were really in fenway park. >> yeah, we used it. incredible. great access. the head of the grounds crew was this super guy, and he took us everywhere and showed us, gave us all that great access and at
a certain point he was like, so, i mean, the story is, like, is there anyone kind of playing my part or -- >> jimmy: i was like, you know what, the story really does hinge on you in some ways and then i remembered that his character is a kind of alcoholic gamble-holic who welets us get the park to rob the place. i was like, jon hamm plays you. you're going to love it. >> jimmy: you might not be able to go back. you had the premiere at fenway. >> we served beer. people had fun. you know you test movies. when you make a movie, you see how it's going to be, you mark test and you are judged on that. we should have tested this movie in boston, to begin with, because that was -- our scores would have been -- drunk. drunk, at fenway in boston. we'll never have an audience that good. >> jimmy: i think you're going tobe all right without that. by the way, not just in the
united states, but guillermo brought this in, right guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: this is in spanish. you're right up there along with tom hanks, johnny depp and there's, well, ben stiller right there. sol that's nod bat. >> [ bleep ]. this is [ bleep ]. show me this on tv! >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> you know my weaknesses. >> jimmy: i blame guillermo. [ speaking foreign language ] >> i don't mind that if i -- >> jimmy: this -- charlestown -- ben, if i could just get -- >> son of a bitch! >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. i apologize for that. this -- charlestown, area, like, a neighborhood in boston, that truthfully breeds a lot of bank robbers? >> at a certain time, it had
this code of silence where they only convicted 25% of the 50 murders they had over a period of years. the bank robbery was really intense in the '90s. we're fudging it a bit. the last big robbery was in 2005. but it was a very tough neighborhood. i grew up right next door in cambridge, but it was different words. we knew the townie kids were tough. >> jimmy: you play a guy in a gapg with his buddies who, you knock over banks and you do it expertly, you know how to do it -- >> yeah, regular guys, lunch pail robbers and they rob banks and have a system of doing it, because they know the ins and outs of how the cops work, that kind of thing. >> jimmy: we have a clip. as is the custom when people come to visit and have movies. >> you show the clips from their movies? >> jimmy: we do. >> i have to start watching your show. >> jimmy: it's something that we
pioneered and i think you're going to like it. do you have to set it up? >> which one is it? >> jimmy: it's a clip from "the town," where things happen. >> get the plunger! >> jimmy: well there you go. ben affleck ruins the city of boston. the movie is called "the town." and there's even talking in it, too. >> people do talk. and that's a long day's journey into night part. but there's human talking. very briefly, though. >> jimmy: ben aflekt, everybody.
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still to come, usher will be here. our next guest is yet another boss to bosto bostonian. you know her from "er," "newsradio" and "rescue me." her new show is called, "the whole truth." it premieres next wednesday night at 10:00, here on abc. please say hello to maura tierney. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> wei'm well. you got a hair cut? >> jimmy: i do. every two weeks. >> it looks nice. >> jimmy: thank you. how is everything? >> good. >> jimmy: you're from boston. >> i am from boston, yeah. >> jimmy: are you a crazy red sox fan? >> well, yeah, yeah. i mean, i have not been able to watch this much year. i'm less familiar with the team. >> jimmy: you threw out the first pitch at the game. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which is -- were you
nervous or did you not care? >> oh, god. >> jimmy: well, some people, yeah, whatever. >> no, i was very excited. and i was nervous, a little, until everybody started telling me, you know, how i needed to throw out the first pitch. which, you have to do this, don't throw it from the mound, don't do that. but everybody said one thing. don't put it in the dirt. >> jimmy: yeah. you don't want to do that. >> like i want to put it in the dirt. of course. >> jimmy: don't throw it over the catcher's head into the audience. >> they said, better throw it over the catcher's head. >> jimmy: i disagree. i don't know why they would have said that. >> i wish you were around at the time. >> jimmy: real pitchers never throw it into the crowd. >> if you were with me, everyone would have said -- don't put it in the dirt. i was so freaked out about that. and, you have to practice. you can practice. >> jimmy: did you? >> no. i wanted to practice. i kept putting it off until the day before.
i went home and i have a 10-year-old nephew who plays baseball, jack, and we practiced in his backyard and he's 10. and he kept saying to me, just try and relax. just try to relax. block out all the people. block out everybody that's there and just try to put the ball where your hand goes. he was very zen about it and i think i was kind of sucking a little bit. but he wasn't telling me and finally, he goes that was the best one. try to remember that. try to remember that! but i was practicing from 60 feet because i wanted to be on the mound. because i don't know, everyone made me feel like i want -- >> jimmy: yeah, i'd go right to the mound. well, we have it. and see how it came out. see what the result was -- now wait a minute. i think that's the mayor of cincinnati that is not you. >> jimmy: you actually did it with meredith vieier are, which takes the pressure off. >> jimmy: i always try to do that with meredith. let's look at how it actually happened and if you're -- well,
there's you and -- well, that's me on the right. >> jimmy: that's not bad. >> you appear to be about four feet from the catcher, though. i don't like it. wear the pads, the whole thing. i want to see serious catching going on. >> yeah, well. i don't -- it happened so fast. time to go. and they put you there, you pitch it and then it's over. >> jimmy: you brought us some items, and -- what i've deduced from these items is that you're a menace on the road. >> but i'm not. >> jimmy: well, let's talk about it, because -- this is something that's framed in your home? >> that's old. >> jimmy: okay, so, this is -- this is a parking ticket, one of those camera tickets that you got. and now, let's go right up here, if we could. you are well into the intersection. >> yeah. that's a very damning -- are these photos all over the country or just in l.a., the cameras at the spotlights? >> jimmy: i've been hit with a couple. >> very clearly.
>> jimmy: what is this car, by the way? >> a 1985 chrysler. my favorite car. but look -- i am so -- i can't tell if i don't have a care in the world or i'm just, just robbed a bank. very odd. and i look old. steering wheel looks very high. >> jimmy: it's hard in that car not to look old. and then -- now -- you take pictures -- when you get tickets you take pictures of the police? >> well -- when i got my new iphone i was, yeah. so, this is one incident. there's -- you are being pulled over. and you got a picture of it. and then another -- >> there he is coming. >> jimmy: there's another one. and here we have -- >> that's a different time. that was in the winter. >> jimmy: was the winter. and, oh, look at that. you got a picture of the policeman. did he get mad? >> no, he let me do it.
isn't that weird? i don't think he realized what was going on. >> jimmy: you're lucky you didn't get another ticket for using your cell phone driving. >> well, i was pulled over. >> jimmy: the new show -- >> a doctor on "er" and now a lawyer on -- do you like being a lawyer? a fake lawyer? whatever it is? >> i do like it. >> jimmy: you like being a fake lawyer better than being a fake doctor? >> right now, i do, because i got a little tired of being a fake doctor. i didn't get tired of it but it was a long time. being a fake lawyer is a little bit harder. >> jimmy: it is? i would think the other way -- why is that? >> everything is more -- the language is harder. we use big words on "er" buzz there was a body there to show what was happening. if the chest is cracked open, you didn't need to understand my words. you saw that. now, the words i have to make the audience understand what i'm saying. and i have to work in actual clothes amend not just scrubs. >> jimmy: you prefer that?
>> well, sort of. i'm a little lazy that way. >> jimmy: well, i hope the show is a big hit. it's called "the whole truth," premieres wednesday at 10:00 here on abc. maura tierney, everybody. we'll be right back with usher. my name is vonetta, and i suffer from allergies. [ male announcer ] we asked zyrtec® users what they love about their allergy relief,
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if you're taking an antidepressant and still feel depressed, one option your doctor may consider is adding abilify. abilify treats depression in adults when added to an antidepressant. some people had symptom improvement in as early as one to two weeks after adding abilify. now with the abilify (me+) program, your first two weeks of abilify can be free. abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke.
call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it. in some cases, extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. other risks include decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness upon standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills. adding abilify has made a difference for me. [ male announcer ] visit abilifyoffer.com for your free trial offer. and ask your doctor about the risks and benefits of adding abilify.
>> jimmy: this is his new cd, it's called "versus." here with the song "dj got us falling in love," usher. ♪ ♪ so we back in the club get that bodies rockin from side to side side-side to side ♪ ♪ thank god the week is done i feel like a zombie gone back to life back-back to life ♪ ♪ hands up and suddenly we all got our
hands up no control of my body ♪ ♪ ain't i seen you before i think i remember those eyes, eyes, eyes eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes ♪ ♪ cause baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again yeah, baby ♪ ♪ tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪ so dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life gonna get you right ♪ ♪ cause baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪ keep downing drinks like this not tomorrow that just right now, now, now, ♪ ♪ now, now, now , now gonna set the roof on fire gonna burn this mother down, down, down, ♪
♪ down, down, down, down ♪ hands up when the music drops we both put our hands up ♪ ♪ put your hands on my body swear i seen you before i think i remember those eyes, eyes, eyes ♪ ♪ eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes ♪ cause baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again yeah, baby ♪ ♪ tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪ so dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life gonna get you right ♪ ♪ cause baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪
the dj got us falling in love again yeah, baby ♪ ♪ tonight the dj got us falling in love, let go fallin in love ♪ ♪ so dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life gonna get you right ♪ ♪ cause baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪ yeah, baby tonight the dj got us falling in love again ♪ ♪ so dance-dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life gonna get you right ♪ ♪ cause baby