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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 27, 2012 12:05am-1:10am EST

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. for all those who make movies and love the watch them the academy awards pays tribute too the best of the best. diana reports from the kodak theatre and those talented to take home an oscar. the drama began before the academy -- academy awards started. sasha cohen dumped ashes on ryan seacrest. the show kicked off with a montage, host billy crystal on a mission to see the nominated films. a standing ovation greated octavia spencer. >> thank you for changing my life. please wrap-up. i'm wrapping up. christopher plummer became the oldest best supporting actor winner in history. only two of you voted for me.
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there were plenty of memorable moments from much. muppets to making light of the rear view and comic relief. even gravity defying stunts. hugo nearly swept the technical awards. and best actor went to john dejar den. i love your country. >> so, what comes next. of course the post-oscar parties and we hear they are rocking. abc news. >> best picture the artist and best actress meryl streep. adam sandler broke a hollywood record. picked up 11 nominations for
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the razzie singling out the worst movies, tries the previous nomination of five for eddie murphy. in he was nominated as worst crime couple opposite jennifer aniston. he's still good. >> action of valor is the champion at the box office. bit the navy seals. tyler perries good deeds took in second place. the vow finished in fifth place. those were good movies! better than others. >> we'll have a story about emilia air heart. we'll be right back. mine was earned over the south pacific in 1943.
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. taylor swift is doing another thing to prove it. she decided to do something better. >> i was totally amazed. i dependent believe it at -- didn't believe it at first. it doesn't seem real. we spoke with kevin mcguire, he's up in the clouds learning taylor swift has made his pipe dream come true. he invited her to the prom she posted the following. kevin i'm so sorry i won't make it to your prom.
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the acm awards are coming up. will you be my date. kevin said yes. >> taylor is a good luck charm for me. he learned after intense chemotherapy he's in remission. >> i am in remission. no cancer cells but i have quite a ways to go. >> kevin who attends sterling high school told his sister that the chemotheraphy means he'll go bald. he worried no win wanted to go to the prom. he opened up a facebook page called taylor swift take kev ten the prom. >> how does it make you feel. >> i can't believe it. who knew i could pull this off. my community could make this happen. she is t-shirts made with
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swift's picture. >> what's the first thing he said. >> he said are you serious, that's all he said. >> did it make his day. make his life. his shirt says make our brother's life and that's what she did. >> that's a great story. all right. we need it. cool weekend. last weekend of february. look outside right now. it's cold. temperature in the mid-20's. most spots in the low 30s. tomorrow up to around 60 degrees. and into the rest of the week temperature will cool off by wednesday with rain and come back toward friday. >> jimmy kimmel is up next.
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>> thank you, guys. yeah, it was fun. >> jimmy: billy -- great job. great job. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: was that an ad -- >> yeah, jim. >> jimmy: i'd love to host with you. >> would you like to get the money? would you like to get the money? >> jimmy: i'd love to get the money. >> get the money. >> jimmy: oh, the money!
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the money. >> stop looking at me and open it. what's that? >> jimmy: what? >> there's something in there. >> jimmy: oh, that's mine. >> don't look at me. close it up. good. you know what, i'll do it. nice doing business with you. >> jimmy: hey! >> shut up. >> jimmy: i gave you the money. where's my oscar? >> in the bag. >> is that you? >> jimmy: this is not the oscar i wanted! >> matt damon said to say hi. let's go! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live," after the academy awards. tonight -- oprah winfrey. with appearances from george clooney, tom hanks, martin score
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ses see, meryl streep and many more in "movie: the movie." plus music from coldplay. with cleto and the cletones. presented by bmw, the ultimate driving machine. and now, lights, camera, action. here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello there, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for staying up late on sunday. as you know, the 84th annual academy awards just wrapped up right across the street from us. "the artist" won best motion picture.
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pretty good for a movie that's black and white and silent. just the way kim kardashian likes her men. octavia spencer won for the movie "the help." one of the few movies this year that was a hit at the box office and with the critics. it was so powerful, arnold schwarzenegger tried to get it pregnant. [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: thank you. jean dujardin wos best actor in a leading role. he finally talks, he says the f-word. meryl streep won best actress. nothing against -- personally, i think viola davis was robbed. literally. lindsay lohan stole her harry winston necklace. "transform "transformers. >> cleto: dark of the moon" was nominated. it's about time the academy started showing some inclusiveness.
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i thought billy crystal did a nice job. originally, eld dddie murphy wa supposed to be the host of the show until someone in the academy remembered he was in "norbit" and then -- fashion, as always, was a big topic tonight. oscar night is the magical night where we sit around in sweat pants and criticize the way famous women are dressed. e network today had seven hours of prekos coscar countdown. the actors don't start arriving an hour before the show starts. but the koj starts at 10:30 in the morning. they have to make due with things like this. >> ah, we're just so excited to be here on the red carpet and oh my gosh -- look! there's a monkey. >> jimmy: she acts like she's never seen a monkey get out of a limo before. what was going on in that monkey's pants? can we slow that down and play just the end part again. yeah, there. he's carrying a banana?
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is that a monkey or a war horse? a number of actors tonight, like jonah hill brought their moms as dates. why is it when your an adult taking your mom to the oscars is cool but when your in high school, taking your cousin to the prom gets you the nickname cousin kissing jimmy for the rest of your life? i'm happy for myself tonight, because i'm about to seven the highest honor a talk show host can receive. my guest tonight is oprah. oprah winfrey. [ cheers and applause ] just so we're clear, none of you are getting cars. you don't get a car. you don't get a car. you -- none of us -- in fact, if you came in a car, right now it's being towed. and i know you are probably asking, if oprah is here tonight, on the show, who is answering our prayers? well -- [ laughter ] don't worry.
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her friend gayle is filling in. we have every star in the universe coming up. before we forge ahead. we have a tradition here on the show. another week has come to the close and it's time to our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we wlebleep and blur things wher they need it or not. it's a special sunday edition of "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> i am so excited for the oscars. it's just like, i at am [ bleep ]. >> i think it's so amazing to have so many people [ bleep ] him like this. mother's dream. >> new television ad that labels him a [ bleep ]. why? >> because he's a [ bleep ]. >> make you believe in love. ice loves [ bleep ] returns, sunday at 10:30. >> these late dips are all going to take their rare-ality. >> i know what i have to do to beat you. i have to [ bleep ] you. and deep down inside, it's
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really what you want, isn't it? >> i'm going to [ bleep ] two people tonight. >> oh! >> i love that movie a lot. when i saw it, i wanted to [ bleep ] the first black woman that i saw. >> i was just thinking as i was on the floor [ bleep ] someone -- >> i'm going to spend the tire day on saturday and sunday morning, i'm going to [ bleep ] five or six [ bleep ] in a row. that's become my oscar tradition. >> jimmy: same here. we have a great show for you tonight. oprah is here. we have music from coldplay and we'll be right back with every big star in hollywood with the world premier of "movie: the movie" so stick around. [ male announcer ] rough, dry skin taking over.
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>> jimmy: oh, hi there. i'm in a tux. this is our special show on a special night. oprah winfrey is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo -- i need you to be hon high alert tonight. god forbid anything happens to oprah, we're done. you understand? >> don't worry, jimmy. i'm going to make you very proud. >> jimmy: okay, very good. [ applause ] and then with music from this album, we shut our street behind the theater down for coldplay, from the bud light outdoor stage. join us next week on the show at our regular time, stephven tyle will be here, a new crap of dancing stars. and music from nicki minaj, so, please join us then. on a night like tonight, we are reminded of how many different jen reps of film there are. drama, adventure, comedy, action, there are dozens of
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them. but the problem is, you only get one of two per film. two months ago, i set out to make the biggest film in the history of american cinema. something that packs everything into one spectacular motion picture event. tonight, my dream has been realized. here it is, our gift to you, the world premiere trailer for the greatest film ever made. "movie: the movie." >> every so often, a film comes along with a guy, a girl, a werewolf and an ancient scroll at a wedding between the world's most dangerous secret agent and the president of the united states. >> you complete me. >> we complete each other. and we complete america. >> you may kiss the bride. >> with a no nonsense rookie cop. >> oh!
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oh! i'm not going to make it. >> and a dog who plays sports. >> it's go time. >> because sometimes the impossible doesn't happen. >> andy, you're my only friend. i wish you were alive. >> but mir kms do. >> i am alive, michael! >> you realize that everything you believe -- >> but soon you -- >> is a lie. >> won't be! ah! >> oh! ow. >> starring charlize theron. >> robo lawyer, you are out of order. >> tom hanks. >> i'm out of order -- you're out of order.
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>> brian kranyan cranston. >> weiners here. everybody's got to have a weiner. ahh! >> jeff goldblum. >> we got the test results back. >> gary oldman. >> and? >> i'm so sorry, senator. you're a centaur. >> no! >> look. >> cameron diaz. >> you're the last person i ever thought i'd fall in love with. >> because sometimes you find love where you least expect it. on a boat that's on top of a plane. a soul plane. >> we're about to give the words fly a whole new meaning. >> with snakes on it.
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>> you know what? fly your own [ bleep ] plane. >> from visionary directors j.j. abrams and martin scorsese -- >> action! >> i love you with all my heart. >> and i you. but i find it important to tell you -- >> yes, my darling? >> i'm blind. >> what? >> please, do not cry. >> and produced by michael bay. >> run! >> really? ahh! >> it's the tale of a small town family with big city dreams. >> so beautiful. >> and a baby -- >> i am beautiful. >> who talks. >> sorry. and his pee makes you younger.
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>> i can't go to work as a baby. >> with daniel day lewis as you've never seen before him. as tyler perry. as george washington. based on the true story of a texas football team pushed to the brink by a millionaire oil tycoon. >> i don't care how much team spirit you got. i'm going to shut this program down! >> case closed. >> starring kate beckinsdale. >> now get out. >> chewbacca. danny devito. don cheadle. academy award-winner meryl streep. in a mustache. academy award winner helen mirren in a hovercraft. >> get off my hovercraft!
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♪ i need a hero ♪ i'm holding on for a hero til the end of the night ♪ >> academy award-winner christoph waltz. >> no one puts baby in the corner. >> matt damon. >> because there's a star out there at the end of the rainbow, a big old superstar. >> who we're going to cut out of the movie. >> are you [ bleep ] kidding me? i will [ bleep ] kill you, kimmel! how do you like them grapes? >> george clooney as a brilliant, disabled nasa scientist. >> yeah? what's that boy? a meteor hurtling towards earth? and who is that riding on it? >> with gabourey sidibe as --
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>> black hitler. >> and i'm black! >> i'm on it. i'm on it! oh, no. no! not now! no! >> this thanksgiving and christmas and summer 2012. a romantic political action thriller drama based on the novel "push" by sapphire. >> i'm doing it. >> once you go black hitler, you never go back hitler! >> from the people who brought you "the terminator," "dora the explorer" and the rutti tutti fresh and fruity breakfast. >> i can -- >> hey!
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hey! hey! hey! the button! >> what? >> get the button! >> what? >> the button! ♪ ♪ meteor of freedom ♪ you have to beat that meteor of freedom ♪
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♪ >> "movie: the movie." >> god, i'm [ bleep ]. see you later. [ bleep ] kimmel. >> this film is not yet filmed. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with oprah winfrey.
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>> jimmy: well, hello there and welcome back to the show. it's time -- are you guys ready? [ cheers and applause ] i'm going to need a minute, if you don't mind. what can be said about our guest tonight that hasn't been said in the holy books in all the religions in all the world. chef she owns her own television network, which happens to be called own.
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please welcome, before she changes her mind and leaves, the great and powerful oprah winfrey. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello. >> jimmy: just -- i want to make sure -- [ cheers and applause ] she doesn't have anything to give you. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you. thank you. thank you. you have a great audience. >> jimmy: are you the -- are you the real oprah or one of oprah's helpers? i just want to make sure. >> that's what people say on
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twitter all the time. like there would be somebody else tweeting for you. >> jimmy: people think that celebrities hire -- i can tell yours are yours. >> you can tell with me today tweeting you, couldn't you? >> jimmy: i have to say, i was very flattered and a little bit embarrassed by you. oprah called me adorable on twitter, which was -- >> mr. adorable. >> jimmy: i don't know if you can bronze twitter, but i'm going to. >> you've been so good. >> jimmy: listen, nobody is better than you. congratulations, you won the humanitarian award. i won that a couple of years ago. >> did you feel -- did you feel esteemed in that moment? >> jimmy: no, i didn't feel it. i felt a little steamed but not esteemed. excuse me. there's weird noises coming from here and i'm going to turn them off. see, i'm a real pro. you did win. and this is something that you beat someone out for or did they just give it to you? >> i think you just get it.
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i think if you do a lot of good stuff, people just -- they come and they give it to you. >> jimmy: you do do a lot of good stuff. what was the first year that you came to the academy awards? >> i was there for "the color purple" back in 1986. some of you were not born. clearly back in the day. but i remember -- it was just -- first of all, i was discovered by quincy jones, really, just discovered by quincy jones who saw me on tv through chicago, said,ism think this girl maybe can act. and so i had to audition and go through the whole process. when i went to the oscars, it was one of the most horrible nights of my life. >> jimmy: really? why? >> yes, yes. i was thinking about that tonight. because i had used doll little parton's dress maker. >> jimmy: what? >> and everybody should know this. if you are going to have a gown made, now it's a whole big to do what people are going to wear. back then, it wasn't. i used her dress maker and he
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came over to do some fitting earlier in the day, said i needed to take it back. when he brought it back, i didn't try it on. when i went to put it on, half an hour before going to the oscars, it didn't fit. i couldn't get it up over my hips. my hairdresser, who is still with me, by the way, andre, had to lay me on the floor and push my butt down and so i rode to the oscars, really, no exaggeration,plblanked in the back of a limb sooem -- >> jimmy: you invented planking. >> so, when i got out, everybody had gone in, there was no more red carpet. i couldn't sit in the chair. i was like this. >> jimmy: like the actual oscar. >> yes. and i had this really heavy beaded color. so, when i sat back, the collar choked me. >> jimmy: we almost lost you that night. >> i was praying for someone else to win. >> jimmy: you were? >> yes, i knew i couldn't get out of the chair.
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>> jimmy: and god listened. >> that's right. that's right. >> jimmy: now, have you vowed to destroy dolly parton for this? >> no, no. >> jimmy: burn down dollywood? >> the lesson is, try on something before, even though somebody says it's perfect. that was a lesson. >> jimmy: and don't use dolly's guy anymore. okay, so, you are fitting in this dress beautifully. >> yes, i tried it on before. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you talk about auditioning for that role and that to me is kind of mind boggling. i can't imagine you you a daud g auditioninging auditioning for anything. >> i had -- quincy jones discovered me, i had to go through the process and there were months before i knew i was going to be in it. i got called to steven spielberg's office. i thought that maybe something was going on because the character that i was, you know, acting with, his name was harpo,
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which was my name spelled backwards. i think that's a sign. he and i were called to spielberg's office on the same day and i ended up knocking over all of his things. >> jimmy: you trashed his office? >> i jumped on the couch. >> jimmy: before your guests started doing that, you did. >> i guess i did. >> jimmy: and after that, did you get -- did they say, we want you to play batman and that kind of thing? >> no. that did not happen. i got all the -- i got all the, what i call the -- ♪ nobody knows the trouble i've seen ♪ offers. >> jimmy: yes. >> and i had my standards. there were certain things that i would not do. i held that standard until i came to work with you on this show. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we spoiled you. >> before working with you i had standards.
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i had -- i had a moral compass. i had values. >> jimmy: i feel like in a way, more so than you elevating us, we brought you down. >> i kind of stepped all the way out of my box with you guys. >> jimmy: is that something you want to do now, acting, now that you have a little bit more free time than you did -- >> well, i think it's something that i will pursue in the future, yes. >> jimmy: you will? >> yes. place mrauls [ applause ] >> jimmy: will you take orders from the director? >> oh, i'd love to. i think for myself, because i have a really, really full life and i'm not kidding when i say this, but actually acting is the time where i feel like i get to let go of myself, i get to take on another character and it really does feel like a vacation for me. >> jimmy: you should do more acting. is there anyone in particular that you would like to work with? >> you. >> jimmy: well, sure, i would -- >> you.
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i had fun working with you. >> jimmy: people are going to get a -- >> i went home jazzed the other day. that's why i was tweeting you all night. >> jimmy: you tweeted something i wanted to bring up. "now headed to the dmv to renew driver's license then off to africa." >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't drive to africa, did you? >> that's funny. >> jimmy: i can't believe you have to go to the dmv. >> it was just before my birthday and i had to renew my driver's license. i went down there -- >> jimmy: what do they say when you walk in? >> hey, oprah! hey! >> jimmy: you have to wait in line? >> it wasn't a long line. they knew i was coming. i asked for better lighting for my photo. butt other than that. >> jimmy: did andre come along? >> no, no. but i do take a very good photo. >> jimmy: i also wanted to ask you this. i remember when you were telling people not to tweet and drive
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and that -- it bothers me, too. i see it all the time. what i do is, i roll down the window and i scream "oprah's going to kill you if she finds out about this." do you confront people when you see them? >> yes, i do. just today i did. >> jimmy: really? >> on the way to the oscars, a guy was. i rolled down my window, i go, "what are you doing?" and he did that and dropped it and i thought, oh, i better stob doing that. now somebody is going to have an accident and blame me. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break here if that's okay. >> that's okay. it's your show. >> jimmy: we are going to see oprah as we've never seen oprah before. more with oprah winfrey when we come back. nyquil (stuffy): hey, tylenol. you know we're kinda like twins.
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steven tyler is taking me to his magical space. this is pretty special. >> yeah. >> nobody at this table has ever watched television? >> no. >> this is haiti. most people run from disaster. you seem to walk right into it. did being here help you through the divorce process? hello george? would you say this is a place that "star wars" built? i never heard or experienced anybody like you. we are definitely out of the studio. we're at the taj mahal in india. holy moly. oh, this is unbelievable!
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oh my god! oh! >> jimmy: look at that. that's oprah, aka indiana jones. you really -- i mean, he should not have -- you are a national treasure. he should not have allowed you to do that. >> well, you sit, he coaches you for, like, nine hours before you do it. so, you are so, like, you are ripped, you are ready. >> jimmy: do you think it makes a differences that you're mentally ready? your feet are still -- >> that's the point. it's about your state. >> jimmy: i see. huh. i don't believe that. i feel like my feet would be roasted completely. >> now, they probably would if that's what you're thinking about. >> jimmy: what's the most challenging thing about running
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a whole television network, starting it from scratch and putting it on? >> well, you know, i'm building a network and that is a fascinating experience. but the biggest problem, as you might imagine, is coming up with ideas that you think are going to resonate with the audience. that the audience is going to like. >> jimmy: that's what i thought and that's why i thought i could help. i was being helpful to you. >> yeah, i know. you thought that. >> jimmy: i feel like i wasn't heard. >> no, it's not that you weren't heard. you were just so far off-brand. >> jimmy: brand. that's the thing. i don't understand. you have a new network. who knows what the brand is. maybe i'm bringing a new brand into own. >> well, i just didn't think what you had to present was really what i was looking for. >> jimmy: well, there was a camera crew there. you have cameras following you at all times. >> yeah. yea
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yeah. >> jimmy: i thought we could let the audience decide if i was on brand for own. >> okay. >> jimmy: take a look. >> jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: you startled me. >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you? nice to meet you. >> so nice to meet you, too. i'm looking forward to hearing your ideas. >> jimmy: yeah. >> have a seat. >> jimmy: okay, thank you. ah. so, should i just start right in? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. um -- so, your network, the oprah winfrey network, aka own. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i have some show ideas for you that i think you're going to like. >> great. >>jimmy: do you remember when you gave away your favorite things? >> yeah. >> jimmy: those were your favorite things, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: now you don't have them anymore, because you gave them air way. on this show, you take them back. remember how everyone jumped up
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and down and screamed when you gave them that stuff? imagine how much they'll cry when you take it back. >> i get a car. i get a car! ♪ who let the dogs out >> that's stealing. >> jimmy: it's not stealing. they're oprah's favorite things. you're oprah. you're just taking your things back. you know? okay. so, that's a no? >> what else you have? >> jimmy: celebrity interview. you've done those, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you and i would interview people together. it's called "the jimmy and oprah interview." >> "jimmy and oprah interview?" >> jimmy: here's what i'm
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thinking. >> welcome back to the show. we're back with jennifer an tis on the. >> jen, your movie has a german title. are you interested in things that are german? >> ah -- yes. it's difficult. it can be difficult. yes, the movie is called "wanderlust." i forgot -- >> have you ever been -- >> how do you imagine -- >> a moon knkey or a giraffe? >> ah -- no. >> friends that are -- >> ah, what? >> go on. >> i have no idea what's happening? >> when we come back, jennifer opens up about her hair -- >> her spirit. >> how sweaty she gets in the gym. >> and we'll hear her new puppy, jerry. >> her name is not jerry.
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>> i think two hosts asking questions at the same time, that might be too confusing. >> jimmy: well, on the vie"the they do it. it works. >> let's come back to that one. >> jimmy: okay. this is for the woman that wants more romance in her life. women want that, right? >> yes, they do. >> jimmy: imagine the most romantic place possible. the bathroom. this show is called "oprah after dark." >> well hello. o. [ screaming ] >> let's move on.
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>> jimmy: really? i'm just saying -- sex sells. and i happen to have a little something they call "it." so -- >> i have the dalai lama on line three? >> tell him i'm call him back. >> jimmy: you can take that. i can wait. >> he's not really on the phone. she just does that when she knows i want to wrap things up. >> jimmy: oh. >> anything else? >> jimmy: all right. your book club. that was great, right? that was a big success. but let's be honest. reading is like the most boring thing in the world. so -- this show takes your book club and gives it a twist. >> have you thought about this. which character had the most to lose? clearly the hero of this book isn't scout or atticus. it's tom robinson. >> not boo radley? >> did you say boo radley?
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that's funny. boo radley is not a hero, oprah. he's a peripheral character, if anything. >> i beg to differ. >> oh yeah? when's the last time you actually read this book, oprah. >> no you didn't. >> did you actually read? >> you are asking me when's the last time i read "to kill a mockingbird?" >> hey! that's my husband! >> book club fight club! boo radley! >> jimmy: you pound -- >> thank you so much for -- >> jimmy: no, no, no, i have one
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more idea. it's the best one yet, okay? just one more. >> this better be good. >> jimmy: okay. doctors. you love them, right? dr. oz, dr. phil. they are both great. but let's be honest, neither one of them is a real doctor. >> actually, they're both -- >> jimmy: so, get ready for an appointment with the best doctor yet. >> hey, ladies, i'm dr. vaj vajayjay. >> no! >> jimmy: wait. there's one more part. ♪ i got a bad case of loving u you ♪ two and a half stedmans. >> interesting. you know, i was thinking i wanted to pitch an idea to you. >> jimmy: i'm all ears. >> it's called "bye jimmy." >> jimmy: "bye jimmy." i like that. >> no, not by jimmy.
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it's bye, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm not following. >> as in -- >> miss win free -- >> don't worry, he's gone. >> jimmy: thank you so much, oprah. juan the own network, it's in refier repe repeats. we'll be right back.


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