tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 19, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am EDT
>> taser, taser, taser. >> ow. ow. ow! [ bleep ] ow. >> jimmy: he is getting a purple heart for that. a purple something for that. this is -- a high ranking health official in amsterdam is taking a strong stance against sugar. a real name -- is head of the public health service there. sugar is an addictive dangerous drug. regulated by the government. like alcohol and tobacco. and if a health official in amsterdam says, a substance is addictive, dangerous. it probably is. he put out a press release. sugar is the most dangerous drug of all time. he is concerned. for some reason people can't
stop eating sugary treats. i wonder why that is? he wants to put warning labels -- like a pint of -- calm down you, stoners. wants to put warning labels like the ones you will see on cigarettes on food and drinks to warn people about daen jengers sugar. this is coming from the place where you can get pot and a hooker in your happy meal if you want. i mean i no sugar isn't good for you. can you call it a dangerous drugs? in the netherlands people do. you can see it in their popular tv shows the. >> this is -- >> actually just basic chemistry. >> your new lab. ♪ >> do you believe that there is a hell? >> we're pretty much going there. >> "baking bad" coming this fall
to the netherlands. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: breaking bad. here in america. this is ridiculous. a brazilian agri group launched a cyberback attack. instead of hacking the nsa, they accidentally hacked nasa. and, and, nasa, that's why brazilian hackers never win" wgs wheel of fortune." i didn't know brazil had hackers. you know what i thought a brazilian hack was something you got in the back room at a nail salon. [ drum roll ] [ cheers and applause ] in other international news, last week russian president vad vladamir putin wrote an opinion piece published in "the new york times," a letter directed at the american people. in response, senator john mccain wrote his own op-ed, published on a russian news website.
the piece "russians deserve better than put spin" he really called putin out, exposed him for the thug he is. you have to give him credit. he dissed the russian president so hard. there is spk laeculation he maye collaborated with kendrick lamar. mccain intended for it to be published in "pravdo" instead it was published on the website pravda.ru, no affiliation with the newspaper at all and appears the letter went through a government filter before it was posted. which i guess isn't surprising for a country that still doesn't hat have freedom of the press. what was surprising was the tone of the translation, almost seemed friendly which is not how it was intended. vladamir putin is very sexy man and very strong like bear or bull. if i were lady, i would sex him. i am not lady. therefore, i envious his muscles
and strong eyes, but not in gay way putin is hero. signature, you know, i some times take our freedom of speech for granted here in the united states. the fourth u.s. circuit court of appeals made an interesting decision about facebook. they said that liking something on facebook is considered free speech and is therefore protected under the first amendment. the case went to court, because a former deputy sheriff in virginia sclaclaimed he was fir for liking the face book page of the candidate running against his boss for sheriff. the real takeaway is do not face book friend your boss under any circumstances. i happen to agree with the decision. whenever the constitution is involved in a news story or issue like this. i wonder how much people actually understand it. we had a little fun today. we asked people on hollywood boulevard what they thought of the story. then we followed that with a little pop quiz. the question do you agree with
the court decision liking on facebook is protected under the first amendment. then we asked what is the first amendment? and let's find out how america did. do you agree with the u.s. appeals court's decision that liking on took is protected by the first amendment? >> yes. >> what's the first amendment? >> i don't know. i don't know. what is it? >> do you agree with the u.s. appeals court's decision that liking on facebook is protected by the first amendment? >> yes. >> absolutely. >> what's the first amendment? >> ha-ha. we shouldn't have done this. >> what's the first amendment? >> what for the, for your rights, right? yeah, for rights. for your rights for -- just to have rights, i guess. >> take a stab at it. >> take a stab at the first amendment. do you know the first amendment? really?
i have no clue. >> what is the first amendment? >> wow, i am not in a history class. shot in the dark. the right to vote probably. >> take another shot in the dark. >> another shot in the dark. >> the right to privacy. >> what is the first amendment? >> i know it know it freedom of speech or anything like that. i have to go back and look at that. i can't answer that intelligently right now. >> can you tell me? >> freedom of -- >> of life. >> freedom of -- >> of the world. >> freedom of -- >> america. >> freedom of --
um our rights. >> you are doing it right now? >> freedom of -- >> speech! right? whoo! ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: whoo indeed. all right. we'll take a break. when we come back we have this week in unnecessary censorship, james caan, morena baccarin, and music from grouplove. so come on back. ♪ [ male announcer ] ever wonder why no other mouthwash feels like listerine®? because no other mouthwash works like listerine®. in your mouth, bacteria forms in layers. listerine® penetrates these layers deeper than other mouthwashes, killing bacteria all the way down to the bottom layer. so for a cleaner, healthier mouth,
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from "homeland" morena baccarin is here. we have two big free concerts next week the may want to be part. monday, shutting down hollywood boulevard for paul mccartney. tuesday, do the same for justin timberlake. paul mccartney, and justin timberlake. my childhood bedroom poster and current bedroom poster. usually the only thing that shuts hollywood boulevard down is when a sponge bob is killed. this is a nice change of pace for us. you know as soon as we announce concerts. people started complaining about the traffic. which is crazy, you know they shut the street down like three times a week, for, like the expendables two. why would people complain. i am sorry, our free concert is with paul mccartney and justin timberlake means it will take you extra three minutes to get to trader joe's next week. sorry you will have to go out without wetzel's pretzels for an
hour. not like shutting it for savage garden. it's paul freaking mccartney. don't want to hear any complaining. and look at is this way you can cancel dinner next week with the person you didn't want to see. blame it on the traffic jam i caused. you are welcome. this is -- this is, i think, notable. the ceo of starbuck's howard schultz made an appeal to customers. he asked people not to bring guns into starbuck's any more. i guess when you are demanding $5 for something people used to get for free at work, you don't want them to be armed. but how is this a problem. who brings a gun into starbuck's? what are they protecting themselves against, sheryl crow spech crowec.d.s. schultz says it is making customers uncomfortable. they're politely asking people not to bring the guns in.
which means coffee drinkers with guns need to find a new place to go. fortunately, there is a new chain that's catering specifically to them. >> screw starbuck's. bring them firearms to cafe guns in your face. we serve coffee and uphold your rightso bear arms. if it is shoots, bring it. early bird specials for seniors packing heat. hell, we don't care if you are in your skivvies. at cafe guns in your face. right off the 27 in lubbock. bathrooms for paying customers only. now serving muffins. [ cheers and applause ] thursday night, it is time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. this week in unnecessary
censorship. >> bern keep streanke stressed y faces obstacles and a [ bleep ] [ bleep ] showdown. >> the first time peyton and eli have [ bleep ] each other since july. >> i don't know who [ bleep ]. >> liam's rumored new squeeze [ bleep ] miley. >> check it out, miley's [ bleep ]. >> i was nervous it is hard to [ bleep ] you, good looking, latino, sexy. >> if i've didn't know any better i would think they are [ bleep ], just what i'm saying. >> because what feel [ bleep ] do is they make deposits in you. >> also [ bleep ] it or not, you never know when that may upset your stomach. >> five contestants will be given a question, and each judge will [ bleep ] them in order. >> men with smaller testicles perhaps were better [ bleep ]. what in the world is going on with this. ♪ show me >> michael says men used to [ bleep ] him on the streets and
now little old lady [ bleep ] him in the grocery store. >> first, be honest, when is the last tomb you [ bleep ] a pillow? >> never. >> when i was a little boy some times when i got angry i would [ bleep ] my sister. >> jimmy: oh. tonight, from "homeland" morena baccarin is here. we have music from grouplove, and we'll be right back with james caan. [ male announcer ] nothing stacks up to the subway footlong
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program she plays jessica brody on "homeland" season three of which returns to showtime september 29th. morena baccarin is here. and then with music from their brand new album called "spreang rumours" grouplove from the sony outdoor stage. by the way, we have a number of wonderful things planned for you next week.
on monday, sir paul mccartney will be here to chat and play a huge free concert out on hollywood blvd. and on tuesday justin timberlake will be here to chat and play a huge free concert on hollywood blvd. you can get tickets at jkltickets.com and we will also be joined next week by patrick dempsey, jon hamm, rebel wilson, anthony bourdain, hailee steinfeld, avril lavigne, sons of the sea and dave salmoni will be here with wild and unpredictable animals. which happens to be my least-favorite thing. our first guest took the long way here because he doesn't like tollbooths he is a great and legendary actor whom you know from "the godfather" and "misery" and "elf" among others and he has a new show here on abc called "back in the game." it premieres wednesday night at 8:30 please welcome james caan.
>> jimmy: all right. >> okay. thank you. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: the lady in the audience here tonight told me during the commercial. she is hoping to see a star tonight. i told her that you would be here. here it is. look at that. i'm going to ask you how you are doing, i want an honest answer. >> before you go, i came here to lie to you. >> jimmy: no lying tonight. let's be honest here. you spoke to our producer yesterday. a little phone call beforehand. you said to him. he quoted you as saying when he said how are you doing. you said terrible. i am tired my body hearts. i know you want funny.
i don't know i've have anything funny anymore. is that -- is that true? >> yes. >> jimmy: not at all? >> first he is a rat stool pigeon. number two, he greeted me, and in your green room, not yours, but -- awe. >> jimmy: the show's. >> gave me something that looked like a dirty fireman's glove to eat, and another plate,@eeé
>> jimmy: he told us when you were thinking of doing hawaii 5-0. don't do tv. you won't like it. it gets boring. now here you are promoting a television show. >> can you find a better father? no, no, no. scott was a whole different thing. scott is, he writes a lot. >> jimmy: i see. wasn't right for him? >> right. right for him. the time. the time. because he likes to be all over the place. >> jimmy: you think you made a mistake telling him? >> no, no, i can't speak for him. >> he, he, he, no, no, he's -- he's antsy.
he's antsy. >> jimmy: yeah, uh-huh. all right. >> you know, like, there was always a stigma attached to it. i think is wrong. and nonsense. >> jimmy: with television. >> nonsense so much better stuff on television than in the movies today. i told him. my idea, i do movies because you can be somebody else for, you know, three months. if you look, don't like yourself that is especially good. yeah, yeah, you are -- any bed you want. being the same person every day. you know. >> jimmy: now you will be doing this on the show. >> it's great. it's great. but i didn't want to fizzle out you, know what i mean? i wanted to crash and burn. that's the only way. not going to be the left hand corner of the hollywood squares. >> jimmy: what is it look with you on a set with young children. do you watch your language? >> no. >> jimmy: you do not. >> we are being honest. >> jimmy: yes, we are. yes. >> there is a little kitty that i filled up several times,
already. no, no. they're only there 20% of the time. so i only get wired, 80%. rest of the time don't put a mike or anything on me. >> jimmy: they're not learning their first curse word from you. >> i aim life lesson. >> jimmy: you have had some life. >> what am i dead? >> jimmy: i want to -- you might as well be -- >> anthony quinn. >> jimmy: i want to ask about this photograph. this looks like. i've don't know what is going on here. there is you, and bill murray, and robert duvall. you seem to be, i don't know entertaining at a -- at a home for the -- >> for the what? >> criminally ill? or what is going on there. what is going on there? >> i think each of us were in search of brain cells. murray is doing his lounge lizard act.
>> jimmy: he was funny. we were invited to. in cuba. >> jimmy: this is in cuba. >> we were going to a party, you make me so nervous. >> jimmy: sorry. >> such a handsome guy. >> jimmy: i'm any just a man. you don't have to be intimidated. >> don't touch me. >> jimmy: guchltillermo get the started. james caan is mad. >> we were going to do a movie. went under the guys of research. >> jimmy: have to have a reason. >> a friend of mean had political pull. this was the intelligensia, something intelligent, if you translate it which i couldn't do. society of intelligence. which of course, this is intelligence. >> jimmy: he was not impressed? >> no, no, matter of fact flying in on the plane to cuba. just full of liberals.
i don't want to get into that. but i mean just full of them. and bobby, who couldn't go, his wife would not let him go unless he was close to me. he couldn't go anywhere without being close to me. because i was super or something. i don't know. so, we're flying and we're just about to land, the whole the only thing bobby said through the whole flight as we are landing, he goes, ha-ha, the land of opportunity. >> jimmy: james caan is here, a new show "back in the game." i will be right back. [ female announcer ] we lowered her fever.
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>> hey, empty. >> what am i doing? i am not your 10-year-old waitress anymore. get it yourself. >> would you close your eyes for a minute, please? >> no, last time i closed my eyes you farted on me. >> i am sitting down. close your eyes for a second. please. now what do you see? >> nothing. >> that's exactly what you pay here i you want to continue to live here, you will start being
a little nicer to me. >> what its that noise? >> a raccoon got caught in the wall a couple weeks ago. probably not dead yet. >> okay. where is danny? >> who. >> jimmy: >> jimmy: james caan! "back in the game" premieres next wednesday at 8:30 on abc. do you have trouble staying within the confines of a family network show in general. >> in general? >> jimmy: specifically. >> we fry to bust out every time. the social club is the baseball field where we meet all the people. but we are fryitrying to, destr abc pretty much. >> jimmy: i've been trying, keep failing. >> i think we will wind up at midnight. the show will come after yours. >> jimmy: what sorts of things have you attempted to get away with on the show? >> i mean.
something one day. i mean, i dent knon't know itch could get away. came in. a sour face. what's with the face, you got a problem with your lady-gina? next time i said she-gina. you know? so, you give them three choices. they're not smart enough that they can turn them all down. they have she-gina in the movie. lady-gina. >> jimmy: sound like lady gaga's niece or something. >> we are having a great time. we have the writers, the cohen brothers, not really the cohen brothers. it's the colon brothers, they pronounce it the cohen brothers. gets them lots of job. they're insane. >> jimmy: are they really? >> one, mark, is married. so he is more of the mature. the other one, they would say to
people locked up. >> jimmy: why is that? what is he doing? >> what its he doing, he writes. >> jimmy: he is not like. >> he is the show writer. >> jimmy: excellent. so you are starting to have fun. >> i am having a lot of fun. >> jimmy: the moral to the story. >> laugh every day. >> jimmy: and god help the parent of the children on the show. >> yes, we don't allow them. >> jimmy: great to see you. good luck with the show. it is "back in the game." and james caan, everybody. we'll be right back with morena baccarin. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about listerine brand mouthwash. nothing feels like listerine because nothing works like listerine. it penetrates layers deeper than any other mouthwashes, killing bacteria all the way down to the bottom layer leaving you with a clean and healthy mouth, like this.
>> this mouth is a place for bacteria like us. so warm and so much food. >> i know. i find some spinach. >> it's dinner time. these are my favorite. >> i love peas. >> this guy loves peas too much. >> i know. oh, i hear some noise. >> i think it is water. he its getting ready to go to sleep. >> oh, no. toothbrush, no! ah! i think we are safe now. >> yes. >> we are bacteria. >> ah! >> ah! >> ooh! >> oh, no, not listerine. >> listerine penetrates too deep.
>> oh. ah! >> for a cleaner healthier mouth go with the mouth wash dentists recommend more than all others combined. listerine, power to your mouth. works like listerine®. h in your mouth, bacteria forms in layers. listerine® penetrates these layers deeper than other mouthwashes, killing bacteria all the way down to the bottom layer. so for a cleaner, healthier mouth, go with the mouthwash dentists recommend more than all others combined. #1 dentist recommended listerine®... power to your mouth™. #1 dentist recommended listerine®... talking about delicious breakfast choices. check out walmart's huge selection of cereals. my kids' favorite! and more than 100 of them are under 130 calories or less per serving. so you can feel great about serving it to your family for breakfast. walmart has over 100 cereals with 130 calories or less per serving. backed our low price guarantee. walmart. so i can't afford to have germy surfaces. but after one day's use,
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a very attractive and talented actress who is nominated for an emmy and expecting a baby she plays jessica brody on "homeland" which returns to showtime september 29th please welcome morena baccarin. >> jimmy: how are you? you are pregnant, huh? >> yeah, kind of hard to hide this. >> jimmy: any minute pregnant. >> almost didn't make it on the show. i was thinking i was going to go into labor. >> jimmy: if you should go into labor, i will run around screaming. and i'll be worthless. >> there has got to be a doctor in the audience. >> jimmy: are you going to come to the emmys sunday, you are nominated. >> that's the plan. that's the plan.
>> jimmy: an exit strategy in case? >> my doctor is my plus one, it's all good. >> jimmy: is that true? >> he'll be waiting in the limo. >> jimmy: nechltil patrick harr delivering on stage. >> i would go and if i want into labor i would sit through it. no baby comes in 4 1/2, 5 hours. or 12 hours. i'm going to wait it out. cross my legs and hold it tight. and just, you know. >> jimmy: if you have to go to the hospital from the show will you dupe ro red carpet intervie the way to the hospital. >> sure, why not? >> jimmy: that would be something. you have got to name the baby emmy if it should happen to come out on sunday night. >> without revealing the sex of my baby that would be a really gay baby. >> jimmy: that would be nice. i happen to love the show "homeland." >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: are you pregnant on
the show? >> i'm not. they're hiding it on the show. really easy to hide this, right? >> jimmy: really. do you find like, do you have real fbi or cia agents come up to you and say they watch, do they watch the show? >> actually believe it or not we had our premiere in d.c. and got invited to go to the cia. i'm not supposed to tell anybody this, don't tell anybody. we want to the cia and had a tour, showed us around. tacked talked to agents. and they made it clear the show was entertaining, and good and >> jimmy: they didn't feel like it was how it really goes. >> what they do for a living is very serious. what we do for a living is, not so serious. so. >> jimmy: what they do is probably more boring. we are seeing, they're looking up files and doing research. >> or shooting people or doing undercover operations or, you know, boring stuff. >> jimmy: all sorts of crazy stuff going on. >> bipolar agent.
probably not something that is on their roster. >> jimmy: you don't think they let bipolar people stay at athe agency. >> i guess it is possible. one thing that i thought was funny. while i was there, we all got a tour together. then a few of us got singled out. and the one whose were foreign nationals who weren't born in the united states couldn't go into the gift shop. >> jimmy: what? really? >> damian, myself, a few people are standing in the lobby. >> jimmy: you are a foreign national? >> i was born in brazil. >> jimmy: you are not an american citizen? >> i am an american citizen. there was a glitch. they didn't realize i had a passport. >> jimmy: were they worried you would make off with the snow globes. why would they keep you out? >> i an not allowed to see the cia shot glasses. >> jimmy: cia gift shop. very strange rule. >> very strange. >> jimmy: will that be worked
into the -- i haven't seen a gift shop on homeland. as far as i know there. is there anything you can tell us about the next season? will there be -- cia, coffee mugs, shot glasses. >> everything we bought there. it's, a really intense season like homeland is. a little darker this first episode. >> jimmy: darker than the last season. >> can you >> jimmy: okay. >> i have fun stuff with claire -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: like threesome type of stuff. >> a foursome, she's bipolar. three other, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, because you guys are -- well she's had an affair with your husband on the show. >> yes, exactly. we have a lot in common. you know? >> jimmy: you guys haven't really done much in the acting? >> you can imagine it is tense when we got together. not offscreen. on screen. prescription don't let this affect the baby. >> i will try not to.
>> jimmy: good luck. i will keep an eye on you. shouldn't there be an ambulance outside or something. >> no, we're all good. >> jimmy: i don't feel look you are. we're going to have to call the guys at the cia. see if they can help out. >> just don't call the gift shop. they won't help me. >> jimmy: morena baccarin! the new season of "homeland" premieres sunday, september 29th at 10pm on showtime. when we come back music from grouplove. so what can i get you?
we'll take something tasty and healthy. ♪ ♪ if you wanna go and fly with me ♪ ♪ it's buzz the bee on your tv ♪ ♪ oh how did i get this way? ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ there's a party going on in your cereal bowl ♪ ♪ o's can help lower cholesterol ♪ ♪ oh why does it taste so great? ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ hey! must be the honey!
>> jimmy: this is their brand new album, spreading rumors, here with the song "ways to go" grouplove! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you give me a heart attack ♪ i didn't want to care and then i saw you there ♪ ♪ been working like a dog i turned all my dreams off ♪ ♪ i didn't know my name i didn't know my name ♪ ♪ i got a little bit longer
i got a ways to go i got a little bit longer i got a ways to go ♪ ♪ i got a little bit longer i got a ways to go oh-oh whoa oh oh i got a ways to go ♪ ♪ even when i can't see my rear view even if i call just to hear you ♪ ♪ even when i sleep all day even when i sleep all day even if i wasn't like i'm times two ♪ ♪ living in the back of a bunk just like we do even when i dream all day don't wanna sleep ♪ ♪ tonight you've got me feeling right i didn't know my ♪ ♪ name i didn't know my name i got a little bit longer ♪ ♪ i got a ways to go
i got a little bit longer i got a ways to go oh i got a ♪ ♪ little bit longer i got a ways to go oh-oh whoa oh oh i got a ways to go ♪ ♪ even when i can't see my rear view even if i call just to hear you ♪ ♪ even when i sleep all day even when i sleep all day ♪ ♪ even if i wasn't like i'm times two living in the back ♪ ♪ of a bunk just like we do even when i dream all day even when i ♪ ♪ dream all day
i got a little bit longer i got a ways to go ♪ ♪ oh-oh whoa oh oh even if i smoke in the back room even if i go ♪ ♪ right to meet you even when i sleep all day even when i ♪ ♪ sleep all day even if i wasn't like i'm times two waiting for the day ♪ ♪ just to end so i see you even when i dream all day ♪ even when i dream all day ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ oh-oh whoa oh oh [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the new album "spreading rumors" and it's out now. i want to thank james caan, morena baccarin. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. good night! tonight on "nightline" -- preaching for dollars. in the city of angels there are plenty of people chasing fame
and fortune, but the flashy lifestyles aren't just for hollywood stars. meet a new breed of celebrity. some l.a. ministers who say it is okay to bring heaven on earth. >> p-diddy, jay z not the only ones who should be driving ferraris. >> unlikely serial killer you. may not think of flipper as a ferocious predator. he can be ruthless, diving with dolphins in the open water for an unusual lesson in survival. >> and this former nfl lineman found out he had been left off the list for a spectacular labor day party at his own house. yes, these party crashers broke, entered and then tweeted about it. >> announcer: keep it right here, america, "nightline"
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