tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 4, 2015 12:37am-1:37am EST
ks [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- allison janney, from "good girls revolt", actor hunter parrish, soccer experts, men in blazers, featuring the 8g band with jon theodore. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth mers! [ cheers and a lause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? everybody good? glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. today was election day, and if you didn't know that, well, that's why your local mayor has
[ laughter ] as of today, we are officially one year away from the 2016 presidential elections. if that seems like a long time to wait, just remember, some people have been waiting their whole lives. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] not hard for you. hard for her. she can wait. donald trump's new book, "crippled america", was released today. and from the looks of it, it's the first book that actually gets angry at you for buying it. [ laughter ] "crippled america," that's what 's really called. and look at his expression on the cover. [ light laughter ] that's the same face the disabled community made when they heard the title. [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] seriously, look at him. [ light laughter ] he looks like he's been trying all day to see the image in one of those 3-d magic eye posters.
[ laughter ] "crippled america." i guess that's still better than the original title, "constipated america." [ laughter ] enough of the cover, let's talk about the inside of the book. "crippled america" outlines donald trump's plan to make america great again. though the book doesn't say, specifically, when he's leaving. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] presidential hopefuls mike huckabee, ted cruz, and bobby jindal all went pheasant hunting this weekend. huckabee and cruz both did well. but unfortunately, bobby jindal was killed by a pheasant. [ laughter ] a new york mets fan told reporters this week that he does not regret getting a "mets world champs 2015" tattoo before the world series began. he said he only got it to cover up his "president
[ laughter ] jeb bush said yesterday that he has to get better as a performer. not only to help him in the polls, but also so taylor swift doesn't kick him out of the squad. [ light laughter ] he's this close you guys. police say a texas man stabbed his roommate this weekend during a fight over a piece of fried chicken. so even if you don't eat the fried chicken, it will still find a way to kill you. [ laughter ] that's how it goes -- [ applause ] with fried chicken. amazon has opened its first brick and mortar bookstore in seattle. it's really handy. you just buy your favorite books and then you're conveniently carried home by a drone. [ light laughter ] looks happy. came home to read his books. in oklahoma, a mayor had to apologize this weekend after her husband and three friends dressed up in ku klux clan
stood near a wooden cross with torches. said the husband, "i'm so sorry, i had no idea it was halloween." [ audience groans ] [ light laughter ] i feel like we just got haunted by the joke ghost. [ laughter ] not one of you gave it the old belly laugh. oh. ooooh. oooh. [ laughter ] a new study has found that listing calorie content on menus has almost no effect on encouraging customers to choose healthier foods. the study was connected by lookin' around. [ laughter and applause ] no salads. that guy doesn't ha e a salad. no salad there. a new report by the cdc shows
almost 60% of sexually active teens use condoms. the other 40% are still trying to get the wrapper open. [ laughter ] just hold on. just hold on. never mind. [ laughter sprint -- [ laughter ] sprint has signed the first cellphone roaming deal with cuban telecon companies. and if that works out, they're considering a deal to provide cell service in the u.s. [ laughter and applause ] got to start somewhere. and finally, lions gate announced today that they are planning to build "hunger games" inspired theme parks in the united states and china. we already have one of those here in new york. it's called laguardia airport. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! she is the star of "mom" on cbs,
now in its third season. the lovely allison janney joins us on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he is one of the stars of amazon's new show, "good girls revolt." hunter parrish stops by the show to night. [ cheers and applause ] and they are two of the foremost experts of soccer here in america. the men in blazers are back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] they call it "football," we call it "soccer." we'll find common ground this evening. now, you guys, moving on. these days sang terms are evolving so fast that sometimes it is hard to keep up. so we here at "late night" decided to give you a little primer in a segment we're calling "seth explains teen slang." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first slang term is "thirst trap." [ light laughter ] now, many of you have probably seen this used on instagram. so, what does it mean? well, it's a real term that means any statement or picture
used to intentionally create attention or "thirst." for example, janelle sent me a picture of her with her new puppy, but she is completely naked in it. #thirsttrap. [ laughter ] that may be a term you've maybwe heard before. but there are some new terms just starting to become popular. here is a new one called "chapstick." it's a term that means a person who, like chapstick, cannot be found when you need them. [ laughter ] and let's see it in a sentence. tyler is always asking me for weed, but when i need a ride to the airport, he total chapsticks. [ laughter and applause ] can't find tyler anywhere. let's hear our next term. it's "adeleing." and let's see what it means. when you think you're over something, but then it comes back and you totally fall to pieces. [ laughter ] let's see it in a sentence. i didn't think i was excited for the new "star wars" movie, but as soon as i saw chewbacca in the trailer, i totally adeled. [ laughter ] moving n, we have "jebbed."
let's see what it means. when your family makes you do something you clearly have no interest in. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] for example, i had tickets to see taylor swift, but instead i had to go to my cousin's bris. #jebbed. [ laughter and applause ] up next, it's "office coffee." let's see the definition. it means a person who you don't really want to have sex with, but, you know, they're right there. [ laughter ] for example, i'm not into trevor, but his apartment is on my way home, so i'll probably still sleep with him. #officecoffee. [ laughter and applause ] moving on, personal favorite of mine, "spiderteen." it's a term meaning someone who is too old to be trick-or-treating, but does it anyway. for example, dan said he went to a rave on halloween, but he's been eating almond joys out of a pillowcase all day. #spiderteen. [ applause ] up next, this one's super helpful.
it's "fat dipping." let's see what it means. when everyone decides to go skinny dipping, but someone leaves their shirt on. [ laughter ] for example, the pool party got wild last night, except for greg. #fatdipping. #wecanstillseethetip. [ laughter and applause ] now? you can see it, because his shirt was super short or because his wang was super long? we don't know. [ laughter ] it's for your imagination. come to the conclusion. moving on, it's "smoochsie daisy." let's see the definition. when you kiss someone you shouldn't have. for example, when i thought i was making out with dan in his halloween costume, but it turns out it was his 8-year-old brother. #smoochsiedaisy. he loved it! [ laughter ] best halloween ever for that kid. or on to the rest of his life.
no way of knowing. again, all fictional people. [ laughter ] and let's see our final slang term. it's "ear buds." and let's see the definition. when you think everything you hear is about marijuana. for example, my teacher told me my essay with a puff piece. and i was like, "damn, do i have ear buds or is ms. swanson trying to blaaaze?" [ cheers and applause ] that was "seth explains teen slang." and we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] who thinks they can solve this math problem? two cars are traveling in the same direction, how long until they collide? you ready to solve it? go. woah! [buzzer sounds] go. [buzzer sounds] go. [buzzer sounds] what's the answer? i don't know. it was a lot to process quickly, right? want to meet a car that can help do it for you?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. here again with us tonight on drums, from queens of stone age, jon theodore. welcome back, jon. [ cheers and applause ] so happy to have you here. >> thank you. >> seth: and give it up for the entire 8g band, my favorite band in the world. thank you guys so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] now if i may, there's something i've been meaning to get off my chest. you know, cold and flu season is almost upon us, and everyone is telling me to get vaccinated, but i'm sorry, i have to say this, the flu shot is for wieners. >> at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60-second profanity-laden tirade about the flu vaccine, and in
his opinion, how it is only appropriate for narcs and wieners. [ laughter ] network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but due to a technical issue, we were unable to edit this portion of the show. [ laughter ] in short, seth believes the flu shot is for herbs, noobs, posers, and dickweeds. [ cheers ] he also argued that the needles are sharp and painful and make him go "owie." [ laughter ] to further illustrate his point, seth said that this year's vaccine protects against three strains of the flu, but not the fourth, addinge, "may the fourth be with flu." [ laughter and applause ] and then, when no one laughed at this, seth pointed to the band and said, "marnie knows what i'm talking about." though based on her expression, she did not. [ laughter ] seth then claimed that the only flu shot he needs is a jug of purell, and began to slather it onto his hands and into his mouth. [ audience ohs ] it was kind of a lot. seth then criticized the process by which people received flu shots, saying, "why would i trust a cvs employee to put something in my body? they don't even know where the hemorrhoid cream is." [ laughter ] adding, "not that i would need that.
[ laughter ] after which seth joked, "man, i hope this flu video doesn't go virus." and when this played to complete silence, seth once again said, "marnie knows what i'm talking about." but once again, she did not. [ light laughter ] at this point, "late night"'s on-site paramedic, dave, interjected to ask, "are you okay?" to which seth responded, "yeah, why wouldn't i be?" at which point dave replied, "because you just drank a lot of purell." [ light laughter ] to which seth responded, "let me think about it." they then stared at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time until dave suddenly said, "did your heart just stop?" to which seth responded, "yerg." [ laughter ] seth concluded the segment by saying that he doesn't believe that all vaccines are bad, because that would be crazy. nbc would like viewers to disregard seth's opinions about the flu vaccine, as they do not reflect the network's position and make him seem like a raving lunatic. we now resume our broadcast. >> seth: because you can't sell flu without f-u! woo! that felt good to get off my chest.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. you know our first guest from tv shows like "the west wing" and "masters of sex." she just won her seventh emmy for her work on the hit series, "mom." this season premiere airs this thursday on cbs. let's take a look. >> i'm really proud of you. >> thanks. if i knew you were dying, i know you would want to see me. [ laughter ] >> wouldn't miss it for the world. [ laughter ] >> hello, christie! [ laughter ] >> hi. >> well, well, well. [ laughter and applause ] you finally decided to crawl out from under your rock, huh? >> mom, mom. >> no, you brought me here. i'm doing this. [ laughter ] you're a real piece of work, wanting my forgiveness? >> mom. >> i don't know what you're dying of, but i hope it's slow and painful. [ laughter ] >> she's not your mother.
[ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show allison janney. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the show! >> thank you so much. >> seth: you look lovely as always. >> oh, thank you very much, as do you. >> seth: last time i saw you was right after you had won your seventh emmy. >> yes. that was a very exciting moment. >> seth: was it a wonderful night for you? did you have a wonderful evening? >> well, you know, seth -- it was -- you know how hot it was that day. >> seth: it was a thousand degrees. >> it was a thousand degrees. it was ridiculous. and i had just is sat down and my award was out -- first up. >> seth: first award, yes. >> got up, went backstage and talked to press for, you know, almost two hours, it felt like. and at the end of it, i was just -- i was so excited, but i just didn't want to go out and party.
i wanted to go home and take my shoes off -- >> seth: i've e never been at an emmys like that where people were coming in -- and because you have to sort of do the gauntlet of press on the way in, so many men and women alike were just drenched, and everybody looked horrified. [ laughter ] >> and then you did all the press, and then there were the photos. >> seth: yeah. >> and it was like, "are you kidding me?" my mascara is down to my jaw bone. it was -- it was really -- it was crazy hot. >> seth: everybody looked like they had been very emotional about either winning or losing. [ laughter ] you should have just pretended to cry to sort of excuse. >> it was unbelievable, but so exciting. i was thrilled to win. >> seth: now, it's interesting to me. is it true that you spoke to a psychic? do you speak to psychics often? >> you know what? [ laughter ] i -- after "west wing" ended, i was like, "i've got to know what's happening next." >> seth: right, okay, gotcha. and this is, by the way, this show is exactly how useless your
that they don't know. so you contact, like, the spirits. >> i contacted this woman who came -- very reputable referral. and i met with her, and she -- i showed her a picture of chuck lorre, because i had a development deal with him right after "west wing." >> seth: right. >> and she said, "you're going to have a very long relationship with this man. it's a very important relationship." >> seth: gotcha. >> the development deal fell through. [ laughter ] >> so it's like, "well, she doesn't know what she's talking about." >> seth: and you went on yelp and you're like, "not a good psychic." [ laughter ] >> i didn't. but then cut to now doing "mom," i was like, "hey, maybe she knew what she was talking about." >> seth: right. because it took years -- >> it took years, but it came through. and i thought, "what's her name?" and i couldn't remember her name, so i got another psychic, somebody else. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> so i went and had this reading that was probably the saddest, most depressing reading i've ever had. >> seth: okay. >> and it was truly -- i'm still -- i'm looking over my
shoulder everywhere. >> seth: oh, no. >> she said, "that the first week of november was going to be not good for me." >> seth: oh, my goodness. >> and i said, "god, i'm going to new york. i've got to do a big press." and she said, "it's not going to go well." and i was like -- [ laughter ] so, you know, every interview i've done, this one including, i'm thinking, "how are we doing? how are those lights up there? are we okay?" [ laughter ] >> seth: based on the chuck lorre psychic, she is probably off by ten years. >> oh, god. ere was -- it just went from bad to worse. usually this card is good, but it's upside down, so that means you're not going to have a good november and you're going to get a phone call that says you have -- you know -- but you're going to think your life is over, but don't worry, you're going to maintain 20% of what you lost. [ laughter ] oh, my god. >> seth: such a bummer psychic. >> and i'm not even going to tell you where else she went with this. >> seth: i don't want to hear. >> and then at the end of it, i say, "and now i have to pay you for this, right? is that what happens? because i don't feel like paying you for this."
and i hope she is wrong. i nghope she is -- >> seth: i'm sure she is wrong. >> you know what? >> seth: i might just -- [ laughter ] just in case. >> seriously. i mean -- and it was over the phone, too. so i think maybe that was -- >> seth: oh, that doesn't count! >> she was, like, in another country. >> seth: that doesn't count at all. yeah. they probably outsourced it. you were probably talking to somebody in the wrong country. [ laughter ] it was probably a language barrier. >> i keep thinking maybe i was punked and somebody is going to call. >> seth: i'm sure you got punked. >> right? >> seth: yeah. >> because this interview is going great. >> seth: it's going great. everybody is having a great time. [ cheers and applause ] and congratulations. season three of "mom" is a wonderful show. you have a wonderful cast. >> so proud of it. thxee first episode was ellen burstyn, who one of my favorite actresses, comes back as bonnie's birth mother, june squibb, as you saw in that clip. she was so hilarious. >> seth: and, of course, anna faris who you two are wonderful together. >> who i adore. >> seth: and then
joe manganiello is on the show. >> oh, joe manganiello. he is -- he's a big man. >> seth: he's a hunk. >> he is. [ laughter ] >> seth: he's the real definition of a hunk. >> i did -- this was not -- i didn't do this to him, but my character had to come in for a full frontal hug with him. and i think it's the first time in my life i felt like a delicate flower. [ laughter ] i just felt so small and -- [ laughter ] it was such a lovely feeling. [ laughter ] >> seth: joe was on this show, and i went to the dressing room, and i made the mistake of hugging him too high on his body, so when he hugged back, he lifted me onto my toes. [ laughter ] >> did you feel like a delicate flower too? >> seth: i did. it was so awesome. i forgot all my problems. i was like, "i want this to last forever." >> he's not only gorgeous, but a wonderful actor too. seth: he's a wonderful actor, great guy. >> he's really, really, really great. >> seth: now, this is a show -- obviously a half hour sitcom, but also deals with issues of recovery. it must be nice -- obviously, you've done comedy. you've done drama.
is it nice to be on a show that sort of deals with both? >> i love it because it's messy and it's real. it represents -- i think that's why people are relating to the show. it's not just a -- joke to joke half hour. it's a show we deal with things that really happen to people. and we don't shy away from the emotion, the sadness, the dark side. and i think it makes us laugh. we earn the laughs, and they're richer and really -- it's just a great all-around show. >> seth: it's wonderful to have a sitcom that does that as well. >> yeah. >> seth: it's really nice. and now you -- obviously it's a show about being a mom. you have a mom. how does -- [ laughter ] do you have -- >> how do you know? >> seth: it was all over. your psychic told me. [ laughter ] i called and said, "what can you tell me about the interview?" and she said, "i'm sensing a mom." do you -- when you play a mother, are you more concerned about how she thinks of your performance of the show like this or how she views a show like this, because it's about that relationship? >> you know, bonnie is not a character my mother approves of,
really. her choices. >> seth: got you. >> she knows i'm an actress playing bonnie, so she's like -- you know. but she is more -- not a problem, but "masters of sex," the things i have to do in that show. >> seth: right. >> she's like, well, "i am very -- i'm very proud of you, and i -- you have a lot of challenges as an actress and you met them, and i -- but i have to tell you, i'm not going to like everything that you -- that do you as an actress. and this -- this is -- this is not one of those things." [ laughter ] and she said, "i hope you don't mind, i'm going to steer your father away from this episode." and i'm like, "that is fine with me." because i domyot want to see my -- think of my father watching me having a three-way on tv. [ laughter ] ah! >> seth: that is so much better than if you said, "i insist he watches, mother!" [ laughter ] "i insist he watch it. and i want you to videotape it and send me --" >> oh, my god! >> seth: now you -- this is something, because obviously you worked "the west wing," which was an hour-long single camera.
explain real quick for everybody how you hit the jackpot. because not only are you doing a great show, but explain the schedule. >> y'all, the "mom" schedule, the half hour sitcom is the most civilized schedule that every actor should -- it's heaven, because you have -- on "west wing," and i even did a single camera with matthew perry, the hours are -- you spend 12, 15, 18-hour days sometimes. >> seth: they're movie days. that's like movie schedule days. >> they are. it's a movie schedule day. and you don't see your family at all. and this -- this schedule, you go in at 10:30 on monday and you're out at 2:00, and you have a life. you can go have dinner with friends. you have a life. and you get to do incredible work. it's compacted, and very fast and furious and fun, and incredibly rewarding, especially on a show like "mom," where i get to act and do everything. my physical comedy i love, and then, you know, get emotional and real. you should come guest star.
>> seth: i would love that. i think i would be very, very good. >> i think you would too. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think i would be good at almost anything. i'm a wonderful actor. [ laughter ] well, i'm so glad you have the schedule. you deserve it. >> thank you. >> seth: congratulations on everything, and thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] allison janney, everybody. the season premiere of "mom" wairs this thursday on cbs. we'll be right back with hunter parrish. the most advanced iphone yet. get the new iphone 6s at t-mobile. the network that's doubled its lte coverage in the past year. our new extended range lte signal now reaches twice as far as before. and is four times better in buildings. get our lowest price on iphone 6s with trade-in. zero upfront and just 5 bucks a
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[ cheers and applause ] seth: you know our next guest from his seven season run on the hit show "weeds." starting thursday, you can see him on the new amazon pilot, "good girls revolt." let's take a look. >> i'm sorry i stood you up. twice. do you remember when, against all odds, you convinced the colonel to talk to you about the tet offenses, and the whole newsroom cheered when you called in with 1800 words of dictation that changed the way people viewed that event? last night, i understood how that must have felt. that rush! >> but you're not a reporter. you're a researcher. and we had a date. >> seth: please welcome to the show, hunter parrish.
welcome to the show! >> thank you. thank you so much. >> seth: i want to put congratulations in order. you just got married six weeks ago? >> i've been doing this a lot. >> seth: i do that a lot, too. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> seth: so how did you meet your lovely wife? i met her backstage. i feel like you probably met her somewhere else. >> i hope so, yes. that would be really weird if we just met backstage. she was actually my good friend mary louise parker's assistant on "weeds." >> seth: okay. >> and we had a date some time ago. and then it didn't go so well. and then we didn't talk for a good while. and she texted me -- >> seth: what's a good while? how long? >> like two-and-a-half years. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, wow. >> like, non-speech. >> seth: gotcha. you nailed the first date. >> yeah, i really did a great job. >> seth: okay, gotchya. so two-and-a-half years passes. >> yeah. and she texted me out of the blue, and she said, "happy new year." and i'm like, "kathryn wahl. who's kathryn wahl? who is this?" and i, of course -- then i
and i said, "i want to get to know this girl." and i texted her and i said, "hey let's grab lunch or dinner." and she writes back the worst response, "great, we'll grab lunch." which is not good. i was trying to give her the option. >> seth: somewhere between "happy new year" and the response, she remembered the date from two-and-a-half years ago. >> she's like, "we'll stick with the lunch." and i said, "hey, i would like to do dinner, so if you're with somebody, let's just cut to the chase." and she goes, "great, let's do dinner. you tell me where." >> seth: all right. wow, so you broke through. >> and i got in. i got in. she gave me a second chance, and now we're married. >> seth: all right. congratulations. well done. >> thank you, man. >> seth: so congratulations on the show, as well. so this takes place late '60s in a magazine. and what can we expect from "good girls revolt"? >> yeah, you know, it's super -- i'm so excited. it's really awesome to get to work on projects you really careu.about, and things that are really important. and the show takes place in the late '60s, so we're going to but it's sort more where we leave off and it's sort of about women's liberation and kind of
what that's about. and women's right to have their credit due. the line that i say in there is, like, "i'm a reporter. you're a researcher." that line is about this line. i'm sorry. "i'm -- i'm a reporter. i'm the one that does, you know -- gets all the credit. you do all the work. but you don't get the credit. i get the by line. and that obviously for women is like, "what are we doing? i want to do the work and i want to get the credit." and so that's what this is about. these women kind of gang together and say, "we want to fight for this." and that's what the women's liberation movement and was. and that's what kind of we're struggling in hollywood right now with. equal pay. and i think it's exciting. it's exciting to watch stuff where you can relate to it, and it's relevant. >> seth: it's great and plus, it's obviously an interesting time. beautiful set design. the show, looks great. now this, i want to get this out, because my brother is on an amazon series. so this amazon pilot process is very interesting and unique to any other network, which is -- so amazon put out a bunch of pilots at once, yours as well. so anyone right now can watch go
it. >> starting thursday. >> seth: starting thursday. and basically use the data to decide if they're going to make more episodes. >> yeah. they really are excited to see, like, "are you guys going to enjoy this?" which is an opportunity we have not had as viewers. so it's exciting to kind of be a part of that process. and, of course, as actors, we want everybody to know they are a part of that process. where usually they're like that's a show they have as an option. no, you get to kind of have a hand of it. >> seth: so it's important for them to watch the whole thing? >> yeah, so you have to watch the whole thing. >> seth: okay. >> hopefully you like it, which you will, of course. >> seth: or if you don't, leave it on. >> just leave it on, yeah. [ laughter ] if you don't like it, that's fine. >> seth: here's the thing, if they don't make more episodes, it doesn't end with women being liberated. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> seth: right now, they're not liberated. >> history changes. >> seth: free them! >> that's right. please. [ light laughter ] you have to watch to the end of the episode. and you have to wait through the credits, and then a survey will pop up. so you take that survey. and it's a cool opportunity to kind of get to be involved in the process. and your brother, yes, a good
friend of mine, is on your brother's show. and it's cool to see that you had a hand in it. >> seth: yeah, it's very exciting. it's very cool. and i think it's a unique way to approach this. now, you started acting very young. how young -- do you remember -- what was your first -- how old were you, what was your first acting job? >> oh, gosh. yeah, i was 6. i was in new york city. and i hung upside down for a ballpark fun franks commercial. and my brain like fell out. >> seth: really? >> yeah, you know, no big deal. >> seth: a child's brain falling out made me want to eat a hot dog? [ laughter ] >> somehow they kind of skipped over that. yet, there was like -- this ballpark is bigger than my little brother's brain. that was the logic. >> seth: okay, gotcha. so you hung upside down for your first bit. >> so i hung upside down and that was it. then i was hooked on -- >> seth: now, i heard your wife is teaching you about social media. that you are not hip to this. >> i'm hip to it! what are you talking about? >> seth: well, tell me about what you found out about -- you went on ins tam instagram -- >> she's showingime that when you click on that one button, all of the things that you're tagged -- then you can see your
photos, right? everyone else knows this, i'm just now coming to -- >> seth: gotcha. >> and, yeah -- >> seth: so someone else put this together. >> yes! so they make these -- >> seth: this is a photo of you every year. [ laughter ] >> it's hard to grow up in front of the camera. >> seth: it's hard. what should be harder is the fact you very clearly have a stalker. [ laughter ] >> no. it a valiant lovely fan -- no, i just think it's -- everybody -- nobody wants these -- >> seth: you've got some good ones, but there's tme super bad ones. >> you can un-tag yourself on facebook, but people don't see it. i can't un-tag this. >> seth: that's true. do you have a least favorite one? >> what was i doing here? there's a green shirt. [ laughter ] >> seth: that one, you look like you're doing that. >> also, i don't know what that's about. i think it was the hoodie. that's all i'm going to say. hopefully i learn. it doesn't get better. that's the sad part. >> seth: well the thing is, you're very consistent with your smile over the years. that, i have to say, is really locked in. well, congratulations on the show. i wish you the best of luck and i really hope that it goes to series. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guests are two fantastic soccer analysts who host "men in blazers" monday nights on nbc sports, as well as the very popular podcast of the same name. please welcome back to the show, the always-dapper roger bennett and michael davies. [ cheers and applause ] you have to come closer, michael.
lovely to see you. >> soccer analysis! soccer analysis. >> seth: soccer analysts. thank you very much. >> give the people what they want. >> seth: this is now -- no, i think this is -- let's be honest. this is what people want these days. they want to talk about soccer. >> soccer in america right now is as american as kids rockin' a big gulp. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's it. we're buying in. the women's national team won. the women's u.s. -- >> that's true. >> u.s. women! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: best soccer players in the world. >> now if only we could start a co-ed team. >> seth: yes. yeah, that would be very helpful. >> we'd be dominant. dominant. >> seth: now, tell me, though, this is -- you guys have been in the forefront of bringing this sport to america for a long time, and you were hosting blazer con -- >> blazer con. >> seth: -- in brooklyn. tell me about blazer con and what we can expect. >> a bunch of nerds. >> seth: yep. [ laughter ] >> coming to -- >> seth: soccer nerds. >> soccer nerds, the best kind of nerds. >> it's gonna be like comic-con, but nerdier. [ laughter ] >> coming to brooklyn november 13th, 14th. the biggest powers in world soccer. somehow we persuaded them to come to brooklyn. >> seth: who can we expect to see? >> well, we're seeing the
roger goodell of the premier leagiqueue, richard scuadmore. we're seeing the owners of five english premier league teams. we're seeing all the broadcasters. >> three of the u.s. women's national team -- winning team coming together. it's a little bit like jerry jones, mark cuban and adam silver para trooping into south london to try to win the hearts and minds of european football teams. it's going to be the biggest event for sports in brooklyn since the dodgers. [ laughter ] >> seth: very exciting. >> seth, big announcement. we've got three tickets left. >> stoh: oh, my goodness. >> so now is the time -- >> seth: only three? >> go to meninblazers.com. >> seth: how many did you start with? >> seven. [ laughter ] so three left. but if you want to come with three mates, you're going to have to unfortunately, make a tough decision. >> seth: now, of course, premier league soccer is closest to your hearts. we're about, what? i guess 11 -- 10, 11 games into the season. >> 11 38ths into the season. >> seth: 11 38ths into the season. i want to talk about your beloved chelsea to start. a title contender at the beginning of the season. not off to a very good start. >> the team with the best record over the last 11 years in premier league soccer.
in the history of the universe. sort of part darth vader, part voldemort rolled into one. [ laughter ] they haven't got off to the >> seth: we have some highlights. maybe you could talk us through what has been going on with your beloved chelsea. >> well, this past saturday, they lost a bit -- well, it's been a lot of that. [ laughter ] >> very sad. >> yeah. yeah. they won the league last season. this has been a title defense on par with um -- florida marlins in 1998. >> that's jose mourinho, the manager. that's blood stain or a tear stain. we're not quite sure. >> they've got a lot of that. >> seth: he even spits out water? >> but his post-match press conference is amazing, seth. >> i have nothing to say. have nothing to say. i'm so sorry i have nothing to say. no. no. [ laughter ] nothing. [ laughter ] >> he has nothing to say! >> seth: he's a charmer. >> he has absolutely nothing to say. >> try watching nelson muntz morph into milhouse before your eyes. wa ytching the bully get bullied. >> seth: so he has nothing -- i
know you support everton. would you rather see what's happening in chelsea right now, or would you rather see everton win? >> i don't like to take pleasure in other people's pain, but this is a little bit like being around vlad the impaler when he was overthrown. >> it helps to be evil when you're not threatening anybody anymore. >> seth: there you go. now, manchester united. talking through -- >> lots of american fans of manchester united. >> seth: sure. >> they've got a great player. wayne rooney, one of the -- a sort of a godlike figure in british football. but right now he seems to be leading the team. ey're offensively impotent. [ laughter ] >> seth: yes, we have some manchester united as well. and talk me through -- >> there he is, wayne rooney. look! the little kid. he looks at him. the little welsh kid looks at him -- "i am witnessing a god!" [ laughter ] >> this is like a norman rockwell painting if normal rockwell painted premier league football. >> seth: but what happened here? >> wayne rooney just turned 30. he has become a symbol for the decline of the fall of the english empire. even his third hair transplant isn't working. >> had to be stapled on midgame. >> but some good news. this is the child,
anthony martial. they bought him in from france. but he's been a bright spot. playing some decent football, seth. >> seth: now young is martial? >> he's about 11. >> seth: 11 years old. wow. [ laughter ] >> it's like watching jonathan taylor thomas in cleats. [ laughter ] >> pretty much. >> look at this move! look at that move. [ laughter ] >> lovely, lovely stuff. >> seth: all right. now, we spoke -- i had the honor of being on your show a couple weeks ago. >> you did. >> seth: my favorite team -- >> our room still smells of old spice. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's a very -- it was a day where i had come straight from the gym. no. so here you have my team, west ham united, off to a historic start for them. they had a tough weekend on saturday. >> yeah. >> seth: but -- >> historic start means they're winning games. [ light laughter ] >> seth: they're winning a little more than losing. >> they're like the milwaukee bucks of sports franchises. >> seth: you had some issue with some of the hairstyles on west ham united. >> well, west ham, yeah. well, they've got a great player, andy carroll, the best plan b in sports. he's having an amazing time. this past -- two weekends ago, they played against my beloved
chelsea. and andy carroll changed the game! >> he's a man that's been described by english journalists as an ox carcass that you can fling against castle walls in a medieval siege. let's look at him here. [ light laughter ] >> please. let's take a look. >> let's just say the man bun doesn't have too many -- >> seth: here we go. >> eating your pies. >> you're not making -- >> there's andy carroll! >> making sweet, sweet love to a pie. >> seth: a handsome man. >> look at the man bun. here it comes. >> oh, look at that! [ laughter ] look at that. and then -- but he's an amazing player. an aerial threat. >> there it is! >> look at that! >> there it is. >> and a goal celebration. let me just tell you, that entire side of the pitch is about to get pregnant. [ laughter ] >> there it goes. right there. >> there we go. [ applause ] it's all pregnant. >> seth: i didn't know -- andy carroll arguably made of fine china. injured more than any player in the premier league. should not be throwing himself around the pitch like that. >> andy carroll, fine china, i'm not sure that analogy has ever been drawn, seth. >> seth: now, real quick. sepp blatter, president of fifa,
we all know him as -- >> great man. >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah. >> lovely man. >> we side with sepp blatter. we also say any man who puts himself in the putin bed, we support. >> seth: you are supportive of blatter. the blatter/putin ticket. that's for you guys. >> sepp blatter, for those who don't know him, think if scaramanga had a bastard off child with -- >> seth: yeah. >> with huey long. >> seth: now he is, of course -- is he currently suspended? is that's what's happening with him? >> nobody knows. >> seth: yeah. >> really. nobody knows what's going on. >> i'm sure he'll be back. fifa is an organization that makes specter look mildly responsible. >> seth: and we have, of course, world cup coming up in brazil? and then we have another one -- >> in russia. >> seth: oh, russia. right. and then -- >> let's hear it for vladimir putin. [ laughter ] >> and then qatar. >> seth: qatar. so talk -- let's talk about qatar. >> well, let's face it, it's going to be quite hot to play soccer in qatar. remember when the world cup was here in new jersey? >> qatar is as a ridiculous a
place to play football as america in 1994. >> seth: yes, and in 1994 -- >> the irish team, they went to new jersey to play italy. they were all sunburned within five minutes. [ laughter ] >> just think how ireland -- poor ireland is thinking about going to qatar. they can't possibly deal with that. [ laughter ] >> seth: have to look forward to in just only five short years. we get to watch italian players burst into flame on the pitch. [ laughter ] >> that's a promo. that's a promo. >> seth: that's a promo. world cup action is heating up. >> america will be watching. >> seth: america will be watching, and we're all watching you guys every monday, a fantastic show. thank you so much for coming back on "late night." >> thank you for having us. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up for roger bennett and michael davies, everybody. "men in blazers" airs monday night at 11:00 on nbc sports. we'll be right back.