] [laughter] (anticipating music) - [voiceover] robert young. and jane wyatt. with elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin. in father knows best. - mother, mother i am ill, call the doctor... - [bud] so what we're supposed to do is... (kathy keeps singing the rhyme over bud) take some dictator like hitler or stalin or somebody... hey kathy! and show how he got that way. kathy cut it out! and then show what tripped them up finally. - [kathy] mother, mother... - [jim] well why, that's a good project you better get to work on it. - [kathy] i am... - [bud] well what i was thinking, that uh, (kathy keeps singing the rhyme over bud) you could sort of write me out a

an ambulance if you don't pipe down! (audience laughing) - [jim] how about you writing out the rough draft after all you're the one who is going to school, not me! - daddy, watch how far i can go without missing. mother, mother... (kathy keeps singing the rhyme over bud) - [bud] kathy don't you know it's impolite to interrupt people when they are discussing? - [margaret] kathy i told you, no rope-jumping in the house. - yes, in comes the doctor... - [margaret] kathy, did you hear me! (kathy and margaret drown each other out) - kathy, kathy! your mother was talking to you, now take your rope outside. - ok, but i was hurting the house any... fellow might as well be in jail! (audience laughing) - what has come over that child lately? she doesn't seem to hear anything we say to her! - no, and i can tell you why. i've been meaning to discuss this with you, you're not raising that kid right. - oh?! (audience laughing) - well you've let her get away with murder. now you just lost your grip on her. (audience laughing) - i see. - you have to be firm with kids like her. of course i don't mean you have to beat her with a club, constantly. (audience laughing) you have to do it intelligently, of course.

- intelligent, but firm. - well now tell me, you think you could do a better job with kathy then we're doing? - who couldn't? (audience laughing) - well, i'll wish you'll take over then. - [bud] well i would but i'm too busy. besides, it's the basic job of the maternal head of the tribe to-- - look if you're just going to weasel out of this job, you might as well leave it up to us. and worry about your own problems. that paper on dictators for example, which i'll be happy to look over after you've written it. - well, ok. but according to abnormal psychology, a father should help train his son by showing him how to do things. but... (audience laughing) - wow, what are we raising? a one-man parents clinic? (jim laughs) - you know it's sort of a shame, we have to spend our whole adult life desperately trying to learn half as much as we knew when we were 16. (door opening) (kathy emulates machine gun fire) (audience laughing) - [bud] ok, sergeant yard knock it off, disarm. - [kathy] huh?

- [kathy] you're not my boss! - what may interest you to know i've been offered the job. - [kathy] hah, that'll be the day! (kathy emulates machine gun fire) (audience laughing) - say dad, i just might take that job after all. somebody has to. (audience laughing) - well great, when do you start. - i'm serious. - good, hop to it, the job is all yours. - ok. (audience laughing) - come on wait, i'm not so sure that this is a good idea. i have enough trouble with those two e one who has to put up with it. you're at the office all day. - oh honey, how long do you think he'll keep this up? if it lasts a whole half a day i'll be surprised. - well you'd be amazed how much trouble they can stir up in a, whole half a day.

- so last night i looked up hitler, mussolini, stalin and napoleon. but i didn't find out what made them become dictators. were they just born mean? (jim laughs) - could be! in fact that was their first big mistake, being born. (audience laughing)

over other people and they lose their balance, they get power-happy. - hey wait a minute there kathy you didn't take your dishes to the sink. - i'll get them later. - oh, oh, oh that child. (jim chuckles) - you don't seem to be having much effect on your new charge, how come? - i haven't had time to work on her yet. i was busy all last night with schoolwork just give me time! - well now i'd rather you'd leave her alone. you'll just stir up trouble. - leave her alone you say! you see mom, that's your whole trouble. you're too easy on her, but i'm going to change all that! (audience laughing) getting back to mussolini dad. - betty can i wear your green bracelet to school? - no, little girls shouldn't wear jewelry to school. - i'm not a little girl! - yes you are and besides every time you borrow something of mine you break it. if you'll break one more thing of mine just one more thing, you are in trouble! (audience laughing)

(audience laughing) - miss jensen, take a letter. oh yes sir, mister sprout. to the amalgamator lumber company. dear lumber company, please send me five pounds of wood. (soft thump) (attentive trumpet based music) oh, oh, she'll pulverize me for this! (footsteps) - kathy mother wants you to come down here right now! you'll be late for school! (door closes)

- well anyways, if you get any thoughts at the office about hitler or stalin, jot 'em down! - oh sure, i don't have anything else to do at the office. (audience laughing) - [margaret] oh for goodness sake, what's kathy doing out there, running around with a shovel. bud, go tell her to come in right this minute. - you bet i'll tell her. i'll go get the new plan started right now. - [margaret] oh no wait, i'll better do it. - [bud] no, i can handle it. - just tell her to come in. don't try and give your child psychology. (door closes) (audience laughing) (carefree music) (door opening) nd i want to have a little talk... what are you burying? - [kathy] nothing, nothing, just a bird. (audience laughing) - [bud] that's a strange looking bird. wait this is betty's good pen, or it was. man are you in trouble this was her prized possession. (kathy shushes bud) - not so loud! - what did you use on it, a sledgehammer? man, she'll wring your little neck. (kathy shushes bud) - i didn't mean to do it! - and now you're burying the evidence, huh? - oh please don't tell anyone - i have to! - please, i'll buy her a new one. - with what?

just give me a chance and don't tell on me. - now look kathy-- - if you'll give me a chance, i'll do anything you want me to, just name it! - no kathy, when you do something wrong... - [kathy] i'll do anything you say! - you got to face the consequences! - [kathy] i'll do anything! - the way you've been acting lately, you're skating on real thin ice! now that i've been given the job of disciplining you... wait, do you mean that about doing anything i say? - oh yes yes, if you just give me a chance to get her a new pen and don't tell on me. - ok that's a deal, but from now on i'm your boss. - oh yes, yes! - and you're going to do all your chores and you're going to help mother whenever you can and-- - oh i will i will i will! oh you're the most wonderful... - [bud] ok, ok, don't get sloppy on me! (audience laughing) go on inside and get ready for school. - yes sir! (mischievous music plays) (audience laughing) - [kathy] oh hello mother dear, i'll clear up the table for you. oh you've already done it. well then i'll wash dishes.

(audience laughing) - [margaret] well, right now what i want you to do is well just finish getting ready for school. - oh yes i will mother. (audience laughing) - what is it? - [kathy] oh and daddy. if there's anything you want me to do after school like mowing the lawn, washing the car, i'd be glad to do it, and very cheap too. (audience laughing) - what did bud do to her? what kind of system is he using? (audience laughing) - see you tonight. - [jim] uh, just a minute bud! tell me, what kind of uh... - yes dad, what kind of what? (audience laughing) - nothing i'll see you tonight. - ok, so long mom. (audience laughing) - so long. (anticipating music) - i'm dying to know what his secret is! when he gave me that superior air. (audience laughing)

(welcoming music) - oh mother have you seen my fountain pen. you know that real nice one that ralph gave me. i'd just die if anything happened to that. - no i haven't when did you had it last? - well about three days ago. i remember i set it down here with some things one morning, and i went out, got a drink of water, i came back, picked the things up and i never saw it again after that. oh i hope i didn't lose it on the way to school. - oh it'll turn up somewhere. - oh, did you take my fountain pen! - pen, what pen? - you know what pen, my very very best one. - the blue and gold. - oh did you have a blue and gold pen? - of course i did. and if i find out that you did anything with it, do you know what is going to happen? - i don't see why you always blame me for everything. - because you're always doing-- - oh here's your slit, i hope i ironed it alright. (audience laughing) and if there's anything else you want me to do, just let me know. (audience laughing) - what's with her anyway. how long is she going to keep up with

- how is he doing this anyway, i mean how does he control her? it can't be his compelling magnetic personality in decline, because he doesn't have one. - well whatever it is, i must say the results are quite amazing. and a little disconcerting. - downright gruesome i'd say. and on top of everything else she's a pretty lousy ironer. i really ought to do it over. (audience laughing) - how much would you pay me to do the vacuum-cleaning? - oh no, no you're working much too hard. tomorrow you better go out and play with your friends instead of working all the time. - oh no, i like working better. and helping people. and earning money. (audience laughing) (goofy trumpet based music) (kathy coughs) - oh that's fine kath old girl. just put them in the closet. - yes sir. - you know, i'm fairly proud of you. you're doing very well. - [kathy] thank you. - now you're acting like a proper young girl should. developing good habits. - [kathy] well i guess so.

being good, helping others. - well on the inside i guess i do. - sure you do. (audience laughing) how much uh... my pencil kathy? (audience laughing) how much money have you saved up so far? - not much, only about 90 cents. - [bud] guess you got a long ways to go. pen like betty's cost 10, 12 dollars, maybe more. - well gosh, i have to spend so much time doing good things, i haven't had any time to earn money! (audience laughing) - now now now. you let up on me for a while? or lend me some money? - nah-ah. did i take the pen? did i break it? will it be my neck if betty finds out? - noooo... (footsteps) - alright then. you got to remember i'm doing all of this for your own good. - [jim] what is this?! is kathy shining your shoes? - hi dad, yeah she's brushing them up a little bit. she does good work too, this is a very fine girl. (audience laughing) - [jim] hmmm... - you want your shoes shines daddy? only costs 20 cents!

- but i need the money. (bud makes a hushing sound) (audience laughing) - [jim] oh you need the money huh? well on second thought maybe i do need a shine. bring your equipment into our room. - let's see. this'll bring it up to a dollar and 10 cents! but it's still a long ways to go. - don't worry kid, you'll make it. (audience laughing) (sad music) - oh you don't have to take of your shoes. - well i just want to give you a tip on how to do this. now you make nice long brush strokes like this, eh? you know, you've been pretty good lately. - thank you. (jim chuckles) - how do you like bud for a boss? - just wonderful! (audience laughing)

or threatening you or-- - oh no! he's just helping me develop good habits. like a proper girl should. (audience laughing) - hmmm... (audience laughing) you said you needed money, just what do you need this money for? (shoe shining strokes) - well i just want to save up for the future. (audience laughing) - hmm? - well some day i might want to get married and i'll need money for a wedding gown. and rice, those things add costs you know! (audience laughing) (jim laughs) - yes that rice runs pretty high. (audience laughing) well, here's your 20 cents. and because you did such a good job, here's a 10 cent tip. (audience laughing) - oh thanks! every little bit helps. towards the rice i mean. (audience laughing)

- no, all i know is that she's trying to earn all she can. - she says it's to buy rice for her wedding. (jim chuckles) (audience laughing) well there is certainly something fishy about all of this. but one thing, they speak so lovingly of each other. and when those two do that you know that something is wrong. (audience laughing) - what bothers me most is that she's becoming bud's slave. - yeah... - she irons his shirts for him, runs his errands... - even shines his shoes. - really? - (laughingly) yeah. - oh, now that is going too far. we better do something about this. - and we will, but not quite yet. m just curious enough to want to find out what bud's secret power is. - but how do we find that out? - well, keep a weather eye open. our nose to the wind, our ear to the ground. (laughingly) boy are we going to look silly. (audience laughing) - that's nine dollars. 25, 35, 40. oh jee, nine dollars and 40 cents.

only 60 sweaty more cents. (audience laughing) - [bud] kathy! where are you kath? - in here. - oh here's my little old pal. hows the fountain pen fund stacking up? - (sighs) pretty good. - well you'll make you it because you're a good kid now. good work habits, thrifty. and to think i've done all this for you in just a little over a week. yes sir you are ok. - thanks. - oh by the way i have a date tonight, and my gray slacks pressed, huh? (audience laughing) - that's alright. - oh and uh, when you finish with my shoes and slacks, you might straighten out my (mumbling), i didn't have time to do it today. (audience laughing) - ok. - [bud] oh heya sis, how's everything? (audience laughing) - kathy how much longer will you let him do this you? - do what to me? - [betty] oh stop it. the next thing he'll have you hobbling around here in chains and shackles. why do you let him order you around?

- he's an insufferable little creep. - [kathy] (softly) yeah... (audience laughing) i mean no! he's teaching me good work habits, thrift-- - and stupidity. he's brainwashing you, that's what he's doing. now you listen to me kathy-- - did you buy a new pen? - oh no this is one of father's, it's no good either. if i ever get my hands on whoever took my good one! - [bud] kathy! come in here kath. - don't go! - but i have to. - [betty] why? - because he's, he's... - he's your brother. udience laughing) - [bud] oh kathy! - oh keep quiet. (audience laughing) - [bud] where are you kath? - (shouting) yes, yes, i'm coming. (audience laughing) (finicky music) you just wait. some day! (loud thump) some day!! daddy? - [jim] huh? - if it wash your car for only 60 cents, can i have the money now in advance?

all i want now is the pay, 60 cents! - well why just 60 cents? you got a dollar for the same job yesterday. - because 60 cents is all i need to... - all you need to what? - to, uhm, to buy the rice! (audience laughing) - i see. kathy, don't you think it's time you told me, what you really want this money for? - well, it's sort of a surprise. (anticipating music) (drum based march music) (audience laughing)

(audience laughing) (drum based march music) (audience laughing) (drum based march music) (door opens) (door slams shut) - [margaret] oh kathy you mustn't slam the door like that. you know better than that. - [kathy] i'm sorry, where's betty? - [betty] you want me? - betty. this is for you, - for me? it's my pen! no, it's a brand new one. - that's right, i just bought it. broke the other one by accident. i was afraid to tell you. (harmonizing music)

(drum based march music) - is bud upstairs? - [margaret] i think so. - [jim] kathy, wait. (hard thump) did bud know anything about this fountain pen business? - don't worry about bud, i'll take care of him. (audience laughing) - oh my gosh. do you realize what bud's secret power is? he's been blackmailing her! (audience laughing) - [margaret] what? - [betty] really? - oh well we better-- (audience laughing)

- [kathy] come out from under there! (baseball bat thumping) - [bud] stop it, i'm your pal! (audience laughing) what's the matter, i'm your friend, you wouldn't want to hurt me, would you? (hard thump) oh! after i worked, and sweated, and slaved. - come out from under there so i can

kathy! - dad, save me from this fiend. - [kathy] no daddy i can handle him. - [jim] no, no, no we'll take care of it. - [margaret] at the right time too. bud come out from under there. - [bud] finally. - [jim] no wait. let's keep him under there for a while. kathy you go gather up all the shoes you can find. - [kathy] shoes? - yeah, hurry, come on. and betty there's a box in these closets, about that big, get it. - dad, what are you doing? - you be quiet, you blackmailer! - blackmailer? - you mean this box? re by bud. (audience laughing) - what do you mean blackmailer? - what should i do with them? - dump them down there. (audience laughing) - now bud, start shining. - [bud] dad why are you punishing me? i didn't blackmail anybody. - yes you did. honey get some paper off of his desk. and a fountain pen! bud seems to know how to use pens to advantage. (audience laughing) - [bud] alright, so i made use of a broken fountain pen, but it was only to make kathy be good. what's wrong with that?

now! (hard thump) shine! (audience laughing) - what about these? - oh yeah good. now when you finish with the shoes, write down the story of your life these past two weeks. you wanted to write a paper about a dictator, well son that'll be it, call it the, uh, rise and fall of a 60 cent dictator. (audience laughing) shall we go ladies? and let the man work? (audience laughing) (sad music) (audience laughing) (door closes) - [kathy] daddy? - yes? - would you be mad if i went in and helped bud? - what? - help bud, why? - i don't know, i just got the habit i guess. (audience laughing) i think i feel better if i'm helping someone. - (laughingly) ok kid. (smooch) but don't help him too much.

and there's nothing like shoe polish for rubbing in. (audience laughing) (applause) and jane wyatt, (children giggling) with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin - i want you to listen to this story and tell me if it's too miserable to hand in. - oh, i'm sure it's fine. -[betty] oh, wait, father, you have to listen. it turned out to be such a weird story i can't tell whether it's good or awful. now you come on and sit down. this will only take six or seven hours. -wouldn't tomorrow be soon enough. -[betty] no, i have to hand it in tomorrow morning. i warn you, this might scare you.