tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS November 15, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
let's see. >> watch it, there's a couple in there-- >> yeah, you have to be very careful. [ laughter ] >> does it go to husbands and wives? >> hmm. karl kraus says, "since the law prohibits "the keeping of wild animals, "and i get no enjoyment "from pets, i prefer "to remain unmarried." [ laughter ] [ applause ] wow. >> there's a whole section on kraus. >> okay, let me ask you another question. >> all right. >> um, this is about you again. i hate to dwell on your, uh... >> why not, i'm here? >> stay in the hospital. yeah, you're here. obviously, i would guess because of a thing like an aneurism, and bypass surgery, you changed your diet a little bit. i'm only guessing. >> you're right. >> now, before this happened, if you went to a restaurant, what would be your ideal thing that you would order? >> well, for breakfast it was sausage, biscuits, and gravy. that's out. >> no sausage, biscuits, and gravy? >> well, i can have the biscuits and gravy.
i had a-- you know, people used to-- you used to go in and people say, "what's your sign?" now it's, "what's your cholesterol count?" [ laughter ] but my cholesterol i brought down from 277 to 159, which is-- [ applause ] >> so, you just change your style of living? >> by changing my diet, by exercise, and, uh, well, just, you know, noti you can eat proper foods. see, when i got out of the hospital, or when i was in the hospital, the food, i mean, we're talkin' cardboard here. uh, it was just awful, and i said, "i don't think "i'm gonna be able "to manage this." i thought, "i just will "never eat again." and i was living on cereal. but since then i've found a young lady, robyn has come
and she has learned through me, i've been the guinea pig, to cook some wonderful, wonderful foods. there's things out there that you can eat, 'cause you get tired of those pritikin diets-- i don't wanna knock pritikin. i mean, it's good, but about two weeks. >> yeah, you might as well go out and graze on the lawn for a while. [ laughter ] >> it would be preferable, yeah. no, i've had to change a lot of things. >> well, it's worked for ya because you look great. >> well, thanks, john. feelin' good. >> we'll do this.
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[ music ] >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] my next guest-- my next guest is a funny young comedian. jeff's gonna be appearing at caroline's in new york city, november the 10th through the 13th, and at the comedy gallery in minneapolis, december the 14th through the 18th. would you welcome jeff cesario? jeff?
[ music ] >> thanks very much, good to see ya. my name is jeff cesario, i'm, uh, italian. [ applause ] i'm proud of it, of course. italy, the only country to switch sides in the middle of both world wars. yeah. [ laughter ] i am still workin' on this election. i'm trying to figure out who i'm gonna vote for. i don't-- you know, democracy is a privilege, we should get paid to vote. okay, this is unbelievable. [ cheering ] you know, i think-- i watched both debates, i've been reading. i figured out the difference between the candidates. here it is. michael dukakis looks at half a glass of water, he thinks it's half empty. george bush looks at it, he thinks, "who the hell "drank half of my water?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] thanks. i think like that though. i might have too much
i grew up in a family with a lot of common sense. even like horror movies, most people are scared, they walk out of a horror movie scared. i'm never scared. i walk out of a horror movie thinkin', "next time don't "dawdle in the shower." [ laughter ] it takes real things to scare me. you ever been drivin' late at night, you start to fall asleep at the wheel? that-- now, that to me is frightening. you try to wake up, you drink coffee, you chew gum, but nothin' works. the only things that's really gonna wake you up when you're drivin' tired is a near fatal accident. [ laughter ] it's true. you knock your sideview mirror off on a bridge abutment goin' 60, you are awake. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's true, anything real will scare you. even tiny things if they're real. spiders-- spiders scare me. middle of the night, you get up, go into your bathroom, hit the light switch, there's a spider on the wall. that-that scares me because other insects run from light. not spiders. they freeze right where they are. i don't know what the hell is goin' through their mind.
[ laughter ] "eight hairy legs, "a dark brown body-- "i can blend into "this white tile." [ laughter ] [ whistling ] [ applause ] "hey, how's she gonna read "that magazine all rolled up "like that?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] each of us havr our own little private fears. i have some friends who are actually afraid of going bald. i think that's stupid. i think bald guys look great. they look manly, they look virile. i don't know what they're afraid of. a guy with a toupee is worried about what i think about his head. i have never looked at a bald guy and thought to myself, "pfft, what kind "of a man let's his own "hair fall out?" [ laughter ] you know what mine is, my little fear? choking. i don't like to-- that's why i always take my time when i eat.
that's why we've got fast food restaurants. that's not fast enough, now we've got the drive through window at the fast food restaurant. that's not fast enough. i think ideally what we want is to be able to drive through at top speed with our car windows down, that pimply faced kid just throws food right in your mouth. it's amazing. we want food that will finish cooking in our esophagus. [ laughter ] it's true. [ cheers and applause ] have you seen that-- we have a new microwave cake, right? it bakes up, frosting and all, four minutes. why? if it ever gets to that point, just look the other person in the eye and say, "hey, listen, i'm sorry, "i forgot your birthday." [ laughter ] [ applause ] we don't eat for taste anymore. we eat for speed. sometimes we will eat
you've eaten on an airplane? that's the worst food possible, but you'll eat it 'cause you're frustrated. you're strapped into that chair, you've got nothin' to do, the movie stinks, you're uncomfortable from that nozzle draft thing over your head. what the hell is that, some sort of pneumonia valve up there? "i don't think my neck's "gonna get stiff enough "just sittin' here "for four and a half hours. "i need a nice cold draft on it. "yeah, that's much better." [ laughter ] [ cheering and applause ] it's true. so, you're frustrated, you shovel food in your mouth. and then when the airplane gets in trouble, what drops from the bulkhead? oxygen masks. that's apparently so we can stay alive until the exact second we plow into a cornfield. you know, they're not thinking. [ cheers and applause ] thanks. you know, if they would just use common sense. you know what should drop from the bulkhead?
[ music ] >> okay, now, this next young lady. [ cheers and applause ] this next-- my next guest is a young actress with an unusual name, but it's her real name, however, and she's a regular on nbc's new series called, "empty nest." it's on saturday nights at 9:30. would you say hello to park overall? [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> hello, park. >> thank you for havin' me. >> well, thank you for bein' here.
your name. it's an unusual name, park, p-a-r-k. >> yes, it's been a cross to bear, i'll tell you that. children were very cruel with me. >> yeah. >> yeah. but i sorta like it now. do y'all like it? [ applause ] >> park, it sounds like a housing development. >> well, people-- >> "where do you live?" "i live at park overall." >> a casting director once said to me, i said, "that's the truth." he said, "of course it is, "who'd bother to make it up?" >> yeah, and you are obviously not from vermont. [ laughter ] i just picked up on that. you 't uh-- where about in the south are you from? >> i'm from east tennessee. a little town. oh, thank you. yeah, go vols, yes. >> that's right, tennessee volunteers, right? >> yes, sir. >> you were born there and raised there? >> yes, sir, i was. >> you don't have to say sir to me. i mean, it makes me sound-- it makes me sound very elderly. >> if i knew you better i wouldn't, but it'll take me a little while. >> yeah. is that the southern upbringing? >> yes. you know about that, don't ya? >> be polite to your elders and say ma'am, and yes, sir?
>> well, now... [ cheers and applause ] i'll be dog gone. [ laughter ] i was telling the-- i love the southern accent, i was tellin' you before the show while you were in makeup that i went from nebraska in 1943, to mississippi, jackson, mississippi. i was stationed there for awhile, and i thought i had gone to mars. i mean, it took me weeks to get onto the rhythm and the inflection, and after about six mont there, i went home and you do pick up on it. i'd go home, and i'd say, "hi mom, hi dad. how y'all?" >> it's contagious. >> yeah. >> people at work start talkin'-- >> when you see-- when you see actresses that are not from the south portraying a role where they're supposed to be from the south, is that-- >> that's why i'm an actress. i told my daddy, "i'm so sick "of these yankee girls "doin' us wrong." i said, "i can't stand it, "i gotta go try." >> yeah? >> yeah. >> did anybody ever tell you when you came out to hollywood that you've gotta lose the accent or anything? >> everybody. >> why? why would they do that? >> well, see, first i went
oh, new york. >> did they understand ya in new york at all? >> oh, new york. i just-- i'd been there four and a half years, and i had just learned to be rude, and i was gettin' into it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i was. and then i got this job and i had to move out here, and suddenly i had to be sweet again. i'm so schized out about it. >> you were just pickin' up on new york? >> yeah. >> how do you like los angeles? do you find it-- >> i'm lovin' it, i'll tell th now, what is this marine layer, and what is this santa ana winds business? >> well, this is difficult they are saying. you see, los angeles is surrounded by mountains and it's kind of a basin, and you get a temperature inversion, and it traps and then the air can't get out. >> it makes me crazy. >> i know it does, yeah. >> yeah, and the scenery and everything, and people are so sweet. now, see, bein' southern, all i require is a little decorum up front. you know, that's all i require. you can stab me in the back later, i just don't wanna see it comin'. you know?
right? >> did you wanna be an actress? do you think the folks back home would be surprised at what you're doing now? >> oh, yeah. >> yeah? >> yeah, what i like to do was drink me a little beer and shoot a little pool. that's what i love to do. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, that's what i like, and i did that for many years. i raised cows and did that, and i enjoyed it very much. and i studied those people, and i love my mountain people, and i want to represent them properly. so, that's why. >> i love the show. yeah, what a treat. i mean, tv, huh? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> do you get to go back home at all? do they treat you differently now? any different since you've been on television? >> oh-- well, no, they don't treat me differently. they treat me-- you know, everybody's so excited. it's a very small town, you know, and i'm so proud of it. >> what's the name of your town, by the way? >> greeneville. g-r-e-e-n-e-ville. the only greeneville with an extra e. [ laughter ] >> well, i'll change my postage meter at home
i have a lot of mail going there and i had it wrong all these years. how big is-- i'm not makin' fun of small towns, i'm from a small town, originally, of about 1,200 people. now, how big is greenville? >> i don't know. i am so bad at math that i've been sayin' 30,000 people and people say, "oh, that's big." and i say, "oh, maybe it's 15." >> that's a big city. >> i forget how big it is. it only has one high school and four in the county, that's how big it is. >> well, it's gonna be less than 30,000 people. >> okay. >> sure. [ laughter ] well, when you're in all the school activities? were you a cheerleader, or did ya do any of that kind of stuff? >> oh, no, sir. >> why not? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] >> no decorum. >> no, they wanted me to be a debutante, and i said no to that too. it just wasn't my bag. >> you sound like a country girl. >> yes, sir. >> yeah, somebody told me you had some unusual pets. true? >> oh, yes, sir. >> what do you have? >> we're an animal lovin' family. [ laughter ] >> i feel like judge carson
[ applause ] "yes, your honor, i do declare." "well, my dear." [ laughter ] okay, that's all. go on, it's-it's-it's very nice. uh, anyway, what do you have? unusual dogs, or what? >> well, no, an unusual crow that we raised from a little baby, and it talks, "parky, parky, parky, hello," it says. yes, it does. and i had this, um-- i raised cows, and i started off raisin' this one on a bucket and the mother wouldn't take it. so, it was a midget, and when her baby was born, the farmer called me up and said, "come over and get ya "a shoebox and come over "and get this calf," 'cause it was born on his property because she was always gettin' out because she was a pet, and she lived on my porch. but in order to get a cow back from down the road, a banana. they love bananas, little known fact about cows. they will follow a banana anywhere.
now, i didn't know that. that's something i didn't know. >> no, they love-- the peel and all. >> so, you went down and enticed her home with a banana? >> yeah, once they're a pet it's hard to keep them in. >> yeah. well, now you live out here, obviously you don't have your cow here. >> just my cat. >> just a cat? >> just a cat. >> what happened to the crow? >> it's in tennessee bein' taken care of properly until i can have an actual home. >> how do you properly take care of a crow? >> well, we made him a big cage and give a lot of attention and a lot of food and talk to him a lot. see, we can't let him loose because we tried to let him go and he lands on the dogs he wants to be friends. so, for his own good we had to keep him in. >> all right, we'll be back. stay where you are.
[ music ] >> how much time do we have here? [ applause ] we got a minute or so here? >> half a minute. >> okay. uh, shorty sullivan was supposed to be with us. we ran long tonight. our apologies to him. we're on the air, aren't we? >> yes, sir, we are. >> i thought you were doing an impression there. thank you for being here. would you come back and do this again? you're charming. >> oh, i'd be so honored. thank you. >> sir. >> sir. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> and this is johnny roy bob saying we hope-- oh, no. jim, thanks for bein' here. i'm glad to see ya up and around. >> ah, thank you. >> thank you. good night. [ cheers and applause ]
i'm humbled by that applause. oh, my god. isn't that the guy from the soft drink commercial? fay: oh, yeah. the construction worker who takes off his shirt. he has the most incredible body. let's go meet hi... him. i'm helen chappel. i'm alex lambert. we recognize you from your commercial. will you take off your shirt? helen! it's okay. people ask me all the time. i don't mind. i think the, uh, zipper's stuck here. here, let me try and get it for you. it's stuck on the fabric. oh, here, move over. let me try. announcing final boarding of aeromass flight 23 to new york through gate one. time! we need more time!
thank you so much. nice meeting you ladies. o, and i'll give you a hint: you, me, and three naked cocktail waitresses playing roulette on aruba. you'll have to be more specific. danny quinn! yes. brian! man, i can't believe this! hi! how are you? i'm great, but what about you? tie, clipboard-- where's the pocket protector? don't be fooled. i'm just as crazy as ever! brian, the new sandpiper pencils came in. you were right.
joey, you won't believe who this is. this is danny quinn. danny, my brother joe. this is your brother joe? he doesn't look like such a dweeb. "dweeb"? did you know brian wet his bed until... how are you doing with that? so what are you doing here, danny? well, i was in boston, talking to my publisher... your who? check it out. tequila nights by danny quinn. it's about you, me, and the wild times we had on the islands. here's your coffee, joe. hello, i'm danny quinn, and i'm a real close, close friend of brian's-- unless you hate him, then i do too. funny and tall. ( forced laugh ) ( forced laugh ) i'm helen chappel. it's very nice to meet you. subtle, helen. why don't you just club him over the head and drag him back to your cave? this is you? danny wrote that. it's about the wild times we had in the caribbean.
rather pedestrian. i can't wait to... whoa! hello... yep, that word sort of jumps out at you doesn't it? interesting local talent. uh, she's got a boyfriend. what's on for tonight? anything you want. i'm up for something. there's a place here perfect for you. it's crawling with women. just like the old days. i'm up for something. danny, my car's in the shop. i got a car. joe, want to come with me and danny tonight? you think i don't know what you're doing? just 'cause i've got a car, now you'll invite me. is 7:00 okay? yeah. it's great. there aren't any more flights. let's get joe and leave. hey, babe. hey! alex... my girlfriend, right. alex, uh... this is my old friend, danny quinn. this is my girlfriend-- alex lambert. wait a minute. danny quinn?
how were we to know she was the ambassador's daughter? alex, we've got a lot of catching up to do. can i borrow brian? you don't have to ask her permission. i can go, can't i? sure. just stay out of jail. nice to meet you. same to you. "hot and flushed from lovemaking "kiki dove naked off the boat "motioning ryan to join her in the warm, beckoning waters of the cove." read it again slowly. whoa... get a load of that. oh, boy, that could have been embarrassing. i almost wore the same outfit today. i don't believe it.
im from that tv show when we were kids. ? big strong man, big strong man ? ? he lifts up stuff ? both: ? just 'cause he can. ? i wonder what he's doing here. lowell: he was at the supermarket opening signing autographs. i invited him to lunch but i didn't think he'd show. hey, there, young fella. big strong man, i can't believe you're here. wait, that's not how big strong man comes on the scene. huh? oh, yeah, all right. fine. ya-hooie! say, that offer for lunch still good, little buddy? i don't believe it. i, lowell mather, am going to lunch with big strong man. you said you'd pay, right? try and stop me. great! by the way, i had a little trouble finding a hotel room. could i crash on your couch
so cool. we can stay up late, we can tell stories... roast marshmallows... roast marshmallows. hey, that's great. how you fixed for scotch, by the way? danny, i was flipping through your book. i got to tell you i find it hard to believe that you and this guy took on four drunk marines. drunk marines? okay, so i embellished. almologists. i was the one who went toe to toe with dr. irving sheinberg. guys, look right over there. danny: ooh, very nice. you've done well, brave scout. brian, remember the foreign tourist bit? oh... what is that? women are suckers for men with a foreign accent so we say to them we're, uh, from australia and want to see the fun places in town.
girl and take her home to alex? good point. i'll do it. ( australian accent: ) remember, we're aussies. let's hear your accent. oh, sure. let me see... ( flat american accent: ) stick a shrimp on the barbie. why don't you be my american friend? i can do that. have fun, my boys. ( chuckling ) oh... boy. watch and learn. you're about to witness oof method of picking up women. that guy over there is a legend. the tall one, not the dweeb. oh, what's the matter? you got shot down, huh? well, you tried. what? it worked like a charm. they actually bought me as an american. they want us to go to a party at the beach. ooh. maybe i just better just go back home to alex.
hey, lowell. hey. where's your, um... your superhero friend? he just stopped off for beer and cigarettes. it's quite an honor to have big strong man staying at my house and eating all of my food and making long-distance calls on my phone. i'm surprised he didn't make you sleep on the couch. no. i wanted to. he's had severe back trouble ever since episode 43 when he lifted up the city of philadelphia. well, honey, he didn't actually lift up the city of philadelphia.
big strong man? ya-hooie! where did you ever come up with that cool "ya-hooie"? oh, well, involved a trip to the doctor. big strong man had what later thankfully turned out to be just a polyp. so want to have lunch? who's paying? i am. right behind you. big strong man, uh... to pick up a check? i was going to pay for his lunch and i had trouble with the cash machine. what's your pin number again? hey. danny. hey, man. had a great time last night, huh? the best time i've had in a long time. my publisher got me v.i.p. passes to a new york club opening tonight. i'm there. me too! you been out
let me out? what am i? a dog? hey. hey, hey. listen. danny and joey and i are doing this club thing in new york tonight. again? that's four nights in a row. we didn't have any plans tonight? we were going to go look for a new dinette set. yeah, but we can do that any night, can't we? you'd rather go to some club with joe and danny than go with me to pick out a dinette set? is that a trick question? you know what i mean. look. forget it. you want to go, go. great, great, great. see? i told you i could go. hey, lambert. i'll help you pick out a dinette set. then we could mosey on down to the mattress department and go for a test drive. then right after that
and i could slit my wrists. i can't believe brian. he actually went. and after you told him in no uncertain terms that he could. exactly. why can't men understand that "go" means "stay"? i would have never let him go especially after what happened last time donny and ryan went to new york. chapter eight. "broadway-bound and gagged." i didn't read that chapter. i'm hurt he wouldn't rather be with me. can you believe that he went to new york? that brian is like a child. what he really needs is a spanking.
hmm. hey, baby. what are you doing up so late? it's 8:00 in the morning. oh. what am i doing up so late? good night. brian, this isn't funny. where were you all night? oh. well, i was in new york with joey and danny. it was great! you know, you could have called. i know. hould have called. i was up all night, worried sick. i said i was sorry. okay, mom? mom? relax. it's a little joke. do we have to do this now? i'm going to go to work, cool off. we can talk about this tonight. tonight's going to be bad because joey and danny... i don't believe this.
alex. baby, is there something wrong? yes. i can't decide whether to slap you or deck you. oh, for god's sake, you know. i can't believe you're getting this upset over a dinette set. it was never about a stupid dinette set. then this is about you being worried because when i was with danny and joey you thought i was fooling around. i wasn't worried about that nce you brought it up, were you? no. no. i mean, it's not like i didn't have the chance to. did you want to? i... did i want..? it's a guy thing. you know, guys... guys want to, but i didn't because i was, you know, with you. oh, you say the sweetest things. look. if you're done scolding me i think i'll get some sleep.
atever the hell you want to do and you want me to be here for you when you come home? do you want to be in this relationship or don't you? i see. well... i'm going to go to work now. while i'm gone pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here. okay. fine. fine. if that's what you want. no, no. that's what you want. ( door slams )
some men drink deep from the fountain of life while antonio takes one sip and it goes down the wrong pipe. boy, i sure am sorry you're leaving. i was kind of getting used to having my own big strong man around the house. you get it? yeah. that's a great joke. fresh too. i really want to pay you back for that farewell lunch. another meal. it looks like big strong man has a big, strong tapeworm. yeah, i can't seem to find my wallet. let me help. what's it look like? my guess is brand-new and never been opened. lowell, wake up. this guy's a bum. he's bleeding you dry. hey, hang on a second, roy. you can't talk like that. it's not easy to be a superhero. in real life, you don't have wires holding you up when you fly. there's no pads to soften the blow
our sidekick, duckface. i know he's not everything that he used to be but i still owe this man a lot. every afternoon at 3:30, he was there for me protecting my little world. i salute you, big strong man. thank you, joel. ah! big strong man's got to go. i got to work a bachelor party in worcester. here. you want to sign this? what's this? big strong thief just paid for his ticket with your credit card. what? come back here, you bastard! good morning! a little hung over? helen, please. why are you doing this? because you called me
of our tenth grade homeroom teacher. i did not. yes, you did. you were convinced you saw her turning tricks in front of the chrysler building. really? well, sorry. helen i think i could be sick at any moment. oh, i know how you feel. i just finished your book. well, danny, it just doesn't get any better than this. ( hollering: ) there they are! hey, what are you two maniacs up to? give it a rest. let us die in peace. amateurs. we going back to that club tonight? pass. come on, what's with you guys? actually, brian, i'm taking off. what?! i'm getting too old for this. since when? since about an hour ago when i threw up that cocktail napkin. where is all this coming from?
iful woman suddenly i looked over and i envied you. envied me? why? because no matter who i go home with you go home to somebody who cares for you. i don't believe this. it started me thinking about my own relationship and, who knows if i put a little effort into it maybe it could turn into something really serious. oh... joe. joe. i got this phone number last night. she's blonde, she's beautiful, she's yours. oh, well. unless she's the local maalox rep, i'm not interested. well, take it easy, donny. see ya, ryan. nice to finally meet you, joe. you too, danny. a little tip for you: scotch and kahlua... not a real drink. we don't need him.
forget it. go home and have a quiet evening with alex. but what about this number? marcy. you kidding me? i am so sick right now, i can barely walk. besides, i got to take a flight. people are always saying "oh, marcy, anyone can do electrolysis" but that's not true. brian: i've just made the biggest mistake of my entire life. ...if you don't grip the hair close to the follicle the charge won't deaden the root. dear god, help me! ...i would just love to get in between your eyebrows. ( knocking ) alex?
( doorbell rings ) hi. what is it? i didn't mean to wake you up. my key wouldn't work. i had the locks changed. oh, okay. fine. i understand. i understand that. listen, um... is that my baseball trophy? looks like it was sawed in half. right. i must have dropped it. look, brian... no, no, no. please, let me speak. alex, baby, i... i screwed up, big time. i really did. i'm an idiot. it's just that danny came to town and i got caught up in him. i never should have treated you like that. i don't want to see anybody else. ever. now, come on. i know you. you hate just as much as i do
...when we got up to that place i was just sitting back, relaxing and listening to the music and stuff. oh, my god. excuse me, i'm sorry. you're ray charles, aren't you? i'm a huge fan of yours. my girlfriend and i listen to your music all the time well, she's not my girlfriend anymore... oh, you know something? this would be perfect. listen, ray... uh, mr. charles, my girlfriend and i just recently broke up. no matter what i do she won't take me back. i've tried everything. i'm sorry to hear that. what a sad story. yeah.
oh, yeah, i've heard it. of course, you sing it all the time. well, anyway, my girlfriend, alex-- that's her name-- that is her favorite song. i was thinking, she's standing over there. if you were to go over and just sing a few bars of "i can't stop loving you" and say it's from brian she would take me back in a second. what do you say? would you do it? huh? please? no. it's amazing about how some people... hey, joe. listen, this morning on your landing did you hear a really scary grinding noise
it's probably nothing. no. wait. you probably should check it out. you're right. it's better to be safe than really, really sorry. joe, the man from the bank is here. send him in. think i have a chance of getting this loan? of course, i do. you're not just saying that? of course, i am. right this way, mr. thompson. mr. hackett, steve thompson. nice to finally meet you. please, call me joe. i trust you put the figures together. yeah, i've got the tax returns and the profit and loss statements for the last five years right here. you're staring at my head, aren't you? no, i'm not. i'm just looking at your hat. you're a red sox fan, huh? you want to know what's under the hat. no, i don't. yes, you do.
you're repulsed, aren't you? no, i'm not. i've just had these hair plugs put in and i'm a little self-conscious. it's barely noticeable. alex didn't even go for the monkey. how am i going to get her back? i've tried every... yow! what the hell happened to you? if your barber did that you got a lawsuit. get that head in front of a jury this is mr. thompson from the bank. he's here about our loan. i just had these hair plugs put in. really? it's hardly noticeable. anyway, back to business. i notice in the third quarter that profits seemed a little down. things look a little spotty but in a few months, you'll see a lot of new growth. i need to talk to you... holy mackerel!
this is mr. thompson from the bank. i just had hair plugs put in. you didn't get them done at the mall, did you? look, i think i can take this paperwork back to the office. no, listen, you can stay here. i will make sure no one says anything else about your head. joe, i think i know what the problem is-- bad plugs. he was talking about... i have everything i need to present to the loan committee. stop at my office after 4:00 for the answer. i'll see you then. hey, sox fan, huh? all right, i have hair plugs, okay? really? they're hardly noticeable. thanks a lot, antonio. that couldn't have gone any worse.
really need to talk to you. last weekend, davis was acting so weird and i haven't heard from him since. am i too demanding? maybe... maybe, i'm boring. you're being too hard on yourself. yeah, you just probably put on some weight. brian, we need to talk. oh, great. that's all i really want to do with you. once we get back together, we'll be better than ever t you wanted to be the one to say it, didn't you? phone bill came. send me a check. alex, baby! so how did it go with mr. thompson? oh, horrible but i'm trying to be optimistic. i'm going to get a second plane. nobody's going to give you a loan. you're always going to be the same crappy little one-plane operation.
every bank has turned him down and none of his relatives will answer his phone calls and he's asked everyone he knows for money but that doesn't... don't look at me. i've got one lousy t-bill and it's got to last. there's a new plane on the way? why is the mechanic always the last to know? do you know how difficult it is to care for a new plane? staying up all night getting up at 3:00 a.m. to change its oil. worrying every time it spits up god knows what. now that i have one up and running i was hoping to have a little time for me-- a little me time, joe. maybe travel, take up watercolors. now i have... look, lowell...