Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 30, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

11:35 pm
♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kathy griffin. from "ballers", rob corddry. and music from everclear. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause]
11:36 pm
>> jimmy: thanks for watching. thanks for all of you for coming. appreciate it. i hope you're enjoying it. we have a new candidate for president today. this morning, new jersey governor chris christie threw his onions in the ring. how many of you know what that means? he's a republican, which means he joins the 400 other republicans running for president. today he spoke at length about foreign policy. he said he'd be a strong defender for the united states against any and all attackers, particularly if they attack via bridge. he would cut them right off. he declared his candidacy in the gym of his old high school in new jersey. and i think he started the announcement by bursting through the wall like the kool-aid guy. kids loved it. the place was packed with enthusiastic supporters, but one guy in particular really stood
11:37 pm
out as the most supportive supporter of all. watch for the man in the back here. that guy. >> i am ready to fight for the people of the united states of america. [cheers and applause] it we'd still be under the crown of england. the limit to that kind of conduct. [cheers and applause] we got to get it back in, and we can only do it by force. >> wait a minute, did he say we got to get it back in and we have to do it by force? i'm surprised his wife didn't run out of the building the minute he did. the announcement today that he would be running officially ended governor christie's life-long streak of not ever running. i have a lot more, by the way. i really do. you know, the reason --
11:38 pm
[cheers and applause] -- the reason he made his announcement at his old high school. he went there, he knew they had flavored corn nuts in the vending machine. [ drum ] just imagine how worried the whitehouse chef is right thousannow. is this a white house or a white castle. you know what i would do if i was chris christie? if i was chris christie and everyone was focussed on my weight, i'd pick an even fatter running mate, someone huge, like 600 pounds. that way i stand next to each other at events, it's no big deal, like a peach next to a can't lope, you know? governor christie joins donald trump who sued univision today for $500 million which everyone's making a big deal about, but what future president hasn't sued a tv network for
11:39 pm
pulling his beauty pageant off the air? when roosevelt did it, no one said a word. kentucky senator rand paul has been quiet lately. he was in denver today hosting a briefing event during the cannabis business summit. it's a very good plan. once they give you money, there's a good chance they'll forget and give you money again. but i don't know if you have to go to colorado. if rand paul wants money from stoners, he should just become a pizza delivery guy. it's a risky strategy courting this marijuana lobby, because, you know, studies show that if republicans smoke enough pot they turn into democrats, and then you've lost them. hey, here's something for pot smokers to really noodle. we had an extra second today. today, june 30th is the day on which an extra second is added to the clock. it's called the leap second. and they do this every once in a
11:40 pm
while. it's not a scheduled thing. they do it to account for a discrepancy between the earth's rotation and the atomic clock. so today was really longer than usual. if you take a selfie during the exact second they add, you will ought malically die. you will die instantly. while we're on the subject of death, today was the first ever asteroid day. it was established today by scientists to raise awareness that the possibility that the big asteroid could hurtle into the earth. not that we're looking because we're all looking at our phones. this is sir martin reese reading the declaration that established asteroid day as an annual thing. >> i share the kearns of this esteemed community of astronauts, business leaders, artists and concerned citizens to raise awareness about protecting and preserving life
11:41 pm
on our plan et cetera by preventing future asteroid impacts. thank you. >> so you can see, he really whipped everyone up into a frenzy, is what he did. see, he needed the guy from the chris christie rally behind him going nuts. and yes, in case you were wondering, the guy on end with the hair was the guitarist from queen, brian may, i guess he's a scientist. and when the asteroid comes, he's writing the sound track for it. so that will be good. the guys who battle asteroids in movies, these guys are very, very different from the guys who battle -- i minean, it couldn't be. so happy asteroid day, everyone. let's get toe work building those triangle spaceships to fight these things. they launched apple streaming music service.
11:42 pm
you requecan access the tens of millions of songs, basically they are offering spotify to their customers. but despite the similarities to other music streaming sites, they are excited about this new service and more excited about the service they're launching next. >> you love your iphone. you're obsessed with your ipad. you wear the apple watch. you subscribe to apple music. and now, apple is excited to announce the next revolution. just give us your money. for only $20 a month, you can give us $20 a month. what do you get in return? we're not sure. maybe nothing. what are we going to do with the money? we don't know. something. what if you don't want to give us your money? here's another question. what if we triggered an explosive desflies whatever apple product is closest to your head? be safe. just give us your money.
11:43 pm
apple. don't make us ask twice. >> i . >> jimmy: i'm lining up tonight. here's another weird story. have you seen the handsome gorilla at the zoo in japan? they have a silver back gorilla that is very popular with the human ladies. the gorilla's name is shabauny. japanese women are visiting in droves to see him. he's attractive. he's 18 years old. you see he's 400 pounds, turnons are papayas. he poses like a model. right? this is shabauny eating. even his name sounds like a greek yogurt. maybe he could replace zain in one direction. this is how arnold schwarzenegger became governor of california. we have to get this gorilla on the bachelor.
11:44 pm
it wouldn't be the dumbest bachelor we've ever had, i tell you what. what do you think, guillermo? >> i think he'd be good. >> jimmy: guillermo had a tough day today. halle berry was supposed to be here tonight but she had to cancel because she wasn't feeling well, and guillermo, you were really looking forward to her. >> yes. >> jimmy: it's hard to tell your security guard, that halle berry canceled, so to assist others who might some day find themselves in this situation, we made a video today that i hope you can find time to share with your loved ones. >> hey, buddy. >> hi, jimmy. >> listen, i have something to tell you. and i feel like it's just best to come right out and tell you. okay? >> sure, yeah. >> you can sit down. >> where? >> sit, just right here. >> right here?
11:45 pm
okay. >> so i know you're excited about halle berry being on the show tonight. >> yeah, i cannot wait. >> she canceled. >> what? >> canceled. >> she what? >> she canceled. >> why? jimmy, do your job. d do my job. why did she cancel? >> she was not feeling well, okay? and there's no reason to hit. >> but i was so excited to see her. >> i know you were, but use your words. use your words, okay? say what you're upset about. you don't have to hit me. >> my words? >> yeah, your words. >> what things happen to bad people? >> you mean why do bad things happen to good people? >> yeah. yes. you see, i'm so upset, i cannot remember my lines. >> i know. forget it.
11:46 pm
[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: that's how you do it. we have to take a break. when we come back, we have a fun guessing game with pedestrians and people on the street who are either straight or around, when we come back. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by at&t, mobilizing your world. introducing the samsung galaxy s6 active only from at&t. tested to withstand pretty much anything life throws your way. get a galaxy s6 active for zero down and get a free samsung tablet. may the best hand win. ♪ [ both grunting ]
11:47 pm
savagery! [ grunts ] well done, grasshopper. whitestrips compare to as ] whitening toothpaste? let's see. the paste didn't seem to do much for me. the whitestrips made a huge difference. that's not fair! crest whitestrips work below the enamel surface to whiten 25 times better than the leading whitening toothpaste. crest whitestrips. the way to whiten
11:48 pm
♪ong: rachel platten "fight song" two million, four hundred thirty-four thousand,
11:49 pm
three hundred eleven people in this city. and only one me. ♪ i'll take those odds. ♪ be unstoppable. the all-new 2015 ford edge. and new york is my home. there's no place like it in the world, and no better place to lean about the people who shaped who we are today. hear about the lives of slaves in colonial new york and about the fight to abolish slavery. pick a stop on the underground railroad and visit the home and grave of one of new york's most controversial citizens.
11:50 pm
a journey in new york is a journey through history. plan you next trip at there's something for everyone. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: welcome back. kathy griffin and music from everclear up. but you probably know the supreme court ruled on same-sex marriage.
11:51 pm
every time i see two women or two men together i feel like i should congratulate them, but you never know. it's time to play couple or friends. here we go. we will be hosting this from outside on hollywood boulevard. hi, cousin sal. is it raining? >> it is drizzling a little. so let's get through this nonsense. >> jimmy: cousin sal will bring a pair of people in and i will not ask directly but i will attempt to determine through simple questions whether they are a couple and just friends, these are our first pedestrians. all right, okay. so i have to guess if you are a couple or just friends. now you're wearing a springfield dance academy shirt. >> springfield dance alliance. >> jimmy: but i don't want to jump to conclusions. because i mean just because, if you guys happen to be gay, it doesn't mean you're a couple or
11:52 pm
maybe one of you's gay and one of you's straight, and i don't, maybe is something else. all right. so, where are you from? >> spring field, missouri. >> jimmy: both of you? >> yes. >> jimmy: you traveled here together? >> yes. >> jimmy: couple. >> fiances. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's perfect. because we have a gift. we don't know what's on your registry, but i'm sure you could use that great machine. isn't that nice? >> absolutely. thank you! >> jimmy: congratulations. please invite us to the nuptials. all right, ladies, how are you? where are you from? >> denmark. >> jimmy: now the foreign thing throws everything off. you're here on vacation together? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. have you ever assembled a piece of furniture together?
11:53 pm
>> yes. >> jimmy: you have. >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, okay. um, i'm going to say couple. >> you're right. >> jimmy: that is absolutely correct. wow. we have a gift for you, too. what do we have, cousin sal? >> matching robes! you can make out now if you want. >> jimmy: don't listen to him. he's -- all right. sal, there are families around, come on. >> i forget. >> jimmy: all right, now look at these fellas. now i don't want to jump to conclusions, although, but i feel like we've had, i feel like it wouldn't be situated this way, so what are your names? >> i'm t. >> raymond. >> jimmy: okay. have you guys, have you ever face timed with each other? >> no. >> we haven't, actually. >> jimmy: i'm going to say friends. >> yes. >> you're right.
11:54 pm
>> jimmy: that is right. yes! yes. you thought you'd trick me with that one, didn't you, cousin sal? >> i have a feeling if we check back in 20 minutes, it might be different. >> jimmy: well, we have a gift for you, even though you're friends and we have to give them something. what is it? >> trump cologne. donald trump cologne. >> jimmy: you can smell like donald trump. okay. let's bring in another couple. yes, we are finished with them as they apply their cologne. hello, ladies. >> hello. >> jimmy: what are your names? >> kay llee. >> kayla. >> jimmy: it would be too embarrassing to be dating with names like that. unless you're sisters am i don't think you're sisters. where are you from? >> connecticut. >> jimmy: i'm going to say friends. >> yes!
11:55 pm
>> jimmy: hi, everybody in the back. >> friends dvd. >> thank you. >> jimmy: looks like it's season four. let's do one more. i am four for four. i've never been more impressed with myself. all right, okay. all right. what are your names? >> amber. >> yvonne. >> jimmy: are you from brooklyn or just wearing the jersey? >> i'm just wearing the jersey. i live in new jersey, actually. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> cincinnati, ohio. >> jimmy: oh, wow, so you live in totally different cities. this is confusing now. who are we kidding. i'm saying couple. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you, ladies. we have a gift for you. >> a waffle maker. enjoy. >> jimmy: you might want to give them another gift, because they live in two different cities. so there's no arguments afterwards. >> we might be out of gifts, what do we have in. >> jimmy: give them the
11:56 pm
microphone. the thank you, ladies. thank you, cousin sal. i finally found my gift. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: so we're going to take a break. when we come back we have a great show. music from everclear. and we'll be right back with the great kathy griffin. so stick around. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to yyou esurance. i'm sorta marge. we both drive a stick, we both like saving money on car insurance, and we both feel integrity, such as, that of healthcare in the america of the us and therefore. yes. thank you. no. no. please, stop! sorta you, isn't you. start with a quote from esurance and get a set of discounts personalized to you, not someone sorta like you.
11:57 pm
esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. time is running out to enjoy olive garden's 2 for $25. now with more new dishes than ever before. like chicken fettuccine in a creamy citrus alfredo sauce. plus dessert, and unlimited salad and breadsticks. 2 for $25, get it before it's gone. at olive garden.
11:58 pm
11:59 pm
12:00 am
12:01 am
♪ [cheers and applaus [cheers and applaus [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: tonight - from the new hbo show "ballers" rob corddry is here. then later, this is their new album. it's called "black is the new black" everclear from the at&t stage. you can see everclear live - on the summerland tour. tomorrow night - live schreiber will join us, lady fighter ronda rousey will be here, we'll have music from vince staples. and on thursday night - andy samberg, seahawks qb russell wilson, and music from butch walker. please join us then. our first guest tonight is a very funny woman who has two emmys, a grammy and whatever award they give out for making anderson cooper uncomfortable. her 80-city "like a boss" tour marches on friday night at the mirage in las vegas. please welcome kathy griffin. [cheers and applause]
12:02 am
♪ >> jimmy: you look fantastic. how are you? thank you for coming. we called you like this afternoon. >> you called me this afternoon. halle berry hurt her back. and i'm here to make it all better. now look, i don't know what halle's doing, but i'm in the middle of an 80-city tour. 80 cities, think about it. >> jimmy: it's like a third of the -- >> i don't want to hear you whine about how hard this show s i'm jimmy kimmel. screw you, kimmel, 80 cities! [cheers and applause] we got carnegie hall. we've got, you know, the horseshoe casino in elizabeth,
12:03 am
indiana. i'm going to the real america, not like you with your high and might eye mighty california ways. >> jimmy: i stay here and america comes to us. >> so how much did you love the bette midler concert three weeks ago! >> jimmy: i know, by the way you make fun as if i would never go to that, but i absolutely wanted to go to that, but i was not in town at that time. >> really? cancel me, my friends. okay. so -- >> jimmy: you went to it. oh, did your boyfriend go with you as well? >> yes, my genuine heterosexual boy friend went. i will be honest, my boyfriend's a great guy. i found it unacceptable. he could not list one single betz m bette midler song before that concert. and i said if you do not sob
12:04 am
during "wind beneath my wings ", no [ bleep ] for you. can you name three bette midler songs? >> jimmy: there's the rose. wind beneath my wings. i know she sang backup on beast of burden. >> it's okay. it's okay. #equality. so i take you to the bette midler show. all right, i drag him to the show. and it's a fantastic show. and i sat among the people. i wasn't like you in the celebrity sky box. >> jimmy: they didn't give you good seats? >> no, i wanted to be up front because she's a real deal singer, she doesn't lip synch. >> jimmy: what people were you among? >> i don't know. people that aren't famous. and soy was sitting there, and i took a few selfies with the fans, what have you. but then i heard a sound that could only be described as a gay thunder, a gay sound.
12:05 am
it was when she walked down the aisle past me to take her seat, three rows ahead of me. her name is barbara streisand. and jimmy, you have never seen anything like it. it was like a gay cirque du soleil. they were scrambling to get a look at the streisand. >> jimmy: so the bepeople you a sitting among -- >> how many times has barbra streisand been on this show? >> jimmy: never. >> so you and your little friend oprah, suck it, because -- [cheers and applause] -- i saw barbara. and i will say, do not underestimate, like you guys think you party, okay? i get it. do not underestimate the level of partying with middle-aged gay men and old jewish ladies, because when they saw streisand, there was this woman who just
12:06 am
went up to barbara streisand video taking with an ipad saying barbara, sing, sing. barbara doesn't roll that way, okay? she did not enjoy that moment. >> jimmy: who would enjoy that moment, really? >> i mean, not barbra streisand, but it was exciting to see her. >> jimmy: it sounds like it was a lot of fun for barbara. >> your friend, my mom maggie turned 95 on june 10th. >> jimmy: please tell her i said hello. 95. >> you know she doesn't care for you. >> jimmy: i now she doesn't like me. >> she feels that you should not have brittany on, because my mom feels that you know brittany is fragile, and yet you still force her to come on this show. >> jimmy: she was on like nine years ago. >> oh, you think maggie forgets? anyway, maggie's birthday, so for her 95th, being a wonderful daughter, i said we'll do whatever you want, you're an
12:07 am
american treasure, you're the best mom. and she said i want to go do dinner on the sunset strip and see one celebrity. we went 5:00. >> jimmy: nice. >> that was before the staff was even there. so we had to, like, help them, you know man the bar back. so we had to help them set up. and we were on the sidewalk. and i had cousins from chicago. so my mom was trying to show off you all the celebrities. and the star bus kept going by saying we are seeing kathy griffin. and my mom was going, damn it, not one celebrity. happy birthday, mom. >> jimmy: yeah. 5:00. >> 5:00. right in the afternoon. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. kathy griffith is with us. you can see her all summer. we'll be right back. ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
12:08 am
a-t-and-t. mobilizing your world. i like my seafood like i like my vacations: tropical. and at red lobster's island escape, i can try new dishes like the island seafood feast, with crab, lobster, jumbo sweet and spicy and coconut shrimp. so hurry in, it'll be gone before you know it. have you tried new dovadvanced care?e? 48 hours... it feels nice. very, very smooth. i'm not messing around it's soft. your antiperspirant should give you more than just protection. new dove advanced care.
12:09 am
for softer, smoother underarms. f provokes lust. it elicits pride... incites envy... and unleashes wrath. temptation comes in many heart-pounding forms. but only one letter. "f" the performance marque from lexus. you're not at all concerned? about what now? oh, i don't know. the apocalypse? we're fine. i bundled renter's with my car insurance through progressive for just six bucks more a month. word. there's looters running wild out there. covered for theft. okay. that's a tidal wave of fire. covered for fire. what, what? all right. fine. i'm gonna get something to eat. the boy's kind of a drama queen. just wait. where's my burrito? [ chuckles ] worst apocalypse ever. protecting you till the end.
12:10 am
now, that's progressive. [ yowls ] ♪ ♪ [ music, indistinct talking on tv ] you're eating all the ammo, sir. remember your training. your whole life has been leading to this moment. [ blows ] [ woman shrieks ]
12:11 am
♪ as quickly as it used to?ce back introducing neutrogena hydro boost water gel. instantly quenches skin to keep it supple and hydrated day after day. formulated with hydrating hyaluronic acid which retains up to 1000 times its weight in water. this refreshing water gel plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. for supple, hydrated skin that bounces back. new hydro boost. from neutrogena. advil is not only strong it's gentle on your body too. no wonder doctors and patients have trusted advil... for their tough pains for over 30 years. relief doesn't get any better than this. advil. somei'm here to help 'embway dothink differently.flavor. you know that sandwich you always get? i can make it even better. you ever try this toasted with monterrey cheddar? you know what, why not. ok how about we spice this up a little bit? that sounds amazing. let's rock this sandwich together. subway. eat fresh.
12:12 am
12:13 am
♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: everclear's still to come. we are back with kathy griffin who is playing carnegie hall. >> everywhere, but i'm going to be honest, you know, there are places that i play that are really in the middle of nowhere,
12:14 am
so i have a new habit i thought you would enjoy. you know that i am on a mission to end all sports. >> jimmy: yes, you're not a sports fan. >> just got to be liza, liza, liza. no more sports. so for fun, if i am on the road, i will call into sports radio talk shows as a character and act like i know what i'm talking about, and i know nothing about sports, but i'm obsessed with these shows because i can't believe these morons who call in over and over. so i was in cleveland and there was a basketball contest, and everybody was very excited about it. and i was somewhere outside chicago. and there was this really super -- not highlight, hockey contest. and people were like freaking out about it. so my new thing is to call like the local news, the local sports radio.
12:15 am
so my character's name is francine. so my boyfriend said, you have to drop the knowledge. i don't know what that means. >> jimmy: he doesn't know what you're talking about. >> no, and it's always like it's ben and bob in the morning. i called one show that was mad dog and shawn. it's mad dog and shawn. we've got francine, she's a die-hard cavs fan. so i called during that contest and i didn't know what i was talking about of course, so i said hey, what are you doing, i'm francine. long-time listener, and you want to say that king james is going to take it in a sweep sweep and coach kerr would give his right arm to have king james and they're going to beat the um, and i forgot the name of the other team. it's like the bay area, they have a lot of musicals, and they hung up on me. >> jimmy: i was in radio for a
12:16 am
long time. >> that's where we met. of course i know. >> jimmy: sports radio talk show gets a woman caller, it's like there's a parade that goes on. >> i get on every time. every time i call, so i called in during the hockey excitement contest, and i go, hey, it's me francine, i'm long time hawks fan, my boyfriend's name is stanley, stanley cup. he's coming back to chicago, the tampa bay lightning is a franchise team. i want to bringthe esposito bro. i don't want justin bieber anywhere near it this year. am i getting better? >> jimmy: not really. you had some things wrong. it's all right. >> i'm a foremost sports expert. >> jimmy: you're doing well. whatever it is, you're forming a bond with your boyfriend. >> i'm trying to understand the l heteros. he met lady gaga.
12:17 am
>> jimmy: you now if you succeed with your boyfriend, you will eventually turn him gay and there won't be a relationship with him any more. >> fingers crossed. >> jimmy: kathy griffin. go see her. we'll be back! ♪
12:18 am
i know what you're thinking, but this is the improved i can't believe it's not butter! 100% taste, 0% artificial preservatives. made with a blend of delicious oils, purified water, and just a pinch of salt. two, please. i can't believe it's not butter. 100% taste, 0% artificial preservatives. whitestrips compare to a whitening toothpaste? let's see. the paste didn't seem to do much for me. the whitestrips made a huge difference. that's not fair! crest whitestrips work below the enamel surface to whiten 25 times better than the leading whitening toothpaste. crest whitestrips. the way to whiten ♪usic: "we're good together" by cathy heller ♪
12:19 am
♪ ♪ double the lovin' this summer at mcdonald's with the double combo for just $2.50. ♪ ♪ this is a steak? [sighs] let's make this right.
12:20 am
stay low and spread out. [yawns] nicely done. [crunch] cheezy. that's it. sprinkle it on top. enough! ah, check please. [clank] ♪ when you don't get enough and your body aches... you're not yourself. tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. we give you a better night. you're a better you all day. tylenol®. so what can you tell me about your new offer? well, right now you can get... i'll take it. uh, well there's sold! how bout the... stop drilling, you struck oil.
12:21 am
there's a sign behind me isn't there? i like it, but can the sign do this? that one can. i forgot about that one. get ipad mini 2 now for $199.99 when you buy any iphone on at&t next
12:22 am
♪ >> jimmy: our next guest you know from "the daily show" and adult swim's clown doctor on "children's hospital" - you can see him now as boss to the rock on the new series "ballers"- watch it sundays at 10 on hbo - please welcome rob corddry. ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: how's it going? by the way, i watched "ballers" and you're very, very funny. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: you play a terrible person. >> that's what i do.
12:23 am
>> jimmy: do you call the rock, the rock? or rock or duane? >> i call him d.j. >> jimmy: d.j.? >> that's what his friends call him, deej. sometimes you wii'll call him "" >> jimmy: do you consider yourselves friends? >> i think hanging with him would require getting up early and getting ripped. that's not my scene. you're looking at me, like. >> jimmy: you're not juicing? >> it's not my thing. >> jimmy: you shot this series in miami. i never know if people really, but you really did shoot it in miami? >> oh, yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: how long were you there? >> i was away from my family, so it felt like a really long time. i think it was like two and a half, three months, off and on .
12:24 am
>> jimmy: i feel like you're too fair for miami. could you develop cancer in a two-week period. >> i'm too fair emotionally for miami. miami's great, but i just didn't fit in there, i feel like, because i'm not 25. you know? >> jimmy: very, yeah. there's a lot of partying going on. >> and florida has the reputation of being all retirees. i did not see one person over 25 years old when i was there. my apartment that i was staying in was like a dorm. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i was the oldest person there by at least 15 years. >> jimmy: oh, that's the worst. >> and there was people that would come in next door, like right next to my bedroom was their party room, their 4:00 in the morning party room, like 4:00 on a tuesday. >> jimmy: are you the guy who pounds on the wall and says shut up in there! >> it's early, i don't want to create that atmosphere right away. so i let it go. i would sleep on the couch or
12:25 am
something. but then after a while i called security once, and i looked out the peephole. and the security guy, i saw him come, and he was pacing outside their door, like, oh, like he didn't want to do it, he's like, ooh, who are these people? and he pounded on the door, i mean, knocked on the door, and they opened the door, and the people were like, hey, ramon! what's up! they're buddies, and ramon was like. >> jimmy: oh, ramon ratted you. >> ramon's like, there's this fair guy -- >> jimmy: oh, ramon. >> -- in the room next to you that likes to sleep or something. >> jimmy: what did you do? did you have any fun there while were you there at all? >> yeah, i drank a lot of wine in my underwear and did puzzles most of the time, ladies. and -- >> jimmy: like puzzles that you piece together? >> jigsaw puzzles, jimmy, yeah.
12:26 am
>> jimmy: really? >> jigsawed puzzles. >> jimmy: wow, i'm surprised they weren't complaining about you. you were more of a security threat. >> there's a sociopath in 101. >> jimmy: putting cats together next foor. >> >> i went on a retail bing. i missed my familiar limit i bought a record player, and speakers, and by the time i was there i ended up buying 200 albums, vinyl albums while i was in miami. >> jimmy: why? >> i could stay inside and listen to them. >> jimmy: yeah. >> in my underwear. while doing puzzles. >> jimmy: i have to show you this phone i have. it has all these songs on it. it weighs almost nothing. you can carry it around in your pant pants. did you leave the records in
12:27 am
miami? >> no, i drove back. it was an excuse to drive across country, basically, i'm not going to mail my records. >> jimmy: so after not seeing your family for months, you said it's going to be another three days because i have to have my records with me. >> that's exactly right. i have so much stuff. >> jimmy: are you a big sports fan? >> yeah. >> jimmy: this show takes place in the world of professional sports and football in particular. you know, you're interested in this kind of stuff. >> yeah, i love football. i'm a big football fan. >> jimmy: every sunday? >> every sunday i watch football. i have two girls, three other, three girls there in my family, basically. i'm including my wife. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. >> she's a woman. >> jimmy: that's good too. >> and. >> jimmy: i didn't know with the puzzles. >> yeah, she's not a child. she's of age. she's of age. >> jimmy: perfect. >> and i try and get them to
12:28 am
watch football with me. >> jimmy: oh. >> like i try to manipulate them into watching football with me. i said you know running backs sometimes have to take ballet lessons. and my 6-year-old was in for about 45 seconds. i was, like, look at that spin. and catch, and now's running for a touchdown. she's gone. she's gone. >> jimmy: do your kids watch television in general? my daughter will watch, my daughter's only 11 months old, but she will watch sports. she will sit there on my lap and watch it. >> you know how lucky you are. >> jimmy: but she's unlucky is what it is. >> they don't watch tv, not like our generation watched tv. >> jimmy: that's all i did when i was a kid. >> me too. okay, like i watched a show, and i don't know if you remember this show. it was called, watched it every day. "dance party usa". >> jimmy: i do know what this is, but for a different reason. where were you living? >> i was in weymouth,
12:29 am
massachusetts. w! you know, 3:00 in the afternoon, it's one of those shows. it was like an american band stand type show. and i developed a huge crush on one of the dancers. her name was kelly. blond hair. you know she smelled like love's baby soft. >> jimmy: how old was kelly at this time? >> she was probably about my age at the time, 15, 16, you know? >> jimmy: okay. >> and i detested her boyfriend, chris. even though, you know, he was probably a very handsome man, but i thought he was the ugliest guy on tv. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> and then so i, you know, we always developed crushes with stars on television or something. and that's, you know, continued over the years. i developed a crush on another person, and she's still on tv. now. >> jimmy: uh-huh. well, you know, i did know this story, so i want to bring up a photograph of kelly, the young
12:30 am
dancer that you had a crush on. >> what a treat! >> jimmy: and then, look at her. >> so full of life. >> jimmy: and this is a true story. that person grew up to, well, she kept her name, kelly. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and now we can see. yes. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: television's beloved kelly ripa. does she know that you had this crush on her as a kid? >> she does now. >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on with mark, but if she's looking for a guy who sits alone in his room doing puzzles. >> i'll dance with you, kelly. >> jimmy: rob corddry! "ballers" airs sundays at 10pm on hbo. and in moments - we'll magically reappear - with music from everclear. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by a-t-and-t. mobilizing your world.
12:31 am
12:32 am
>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel concert series is brought to you by at&t, mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i want to thank kathy griffin, rob corddry and apologize to matt damon, we ran
12:33 am
out of time. nightline is next, but first- this is their album "black is the new black" - here with the song "the man who broke his own heart" - everclear. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ i know you want to be my almost instant karma i know you want to be the one that made me pay ♪ ♪ i know you think you are the one that made me break i was broken when you met me ♪ ♪ i'm finding pieces every day i know you want to be my almost nervous breakdown i know you really want to ♪ ♪ give me all your pain
12:34 am
i know you think you are the one that knocked me down you think you made me lose my ♪ ♪ mind i think you better get in line i know deep down you really ♪ ♪ want to punish me for the way i used to be yeah i don't blame you for being ♪ ♪ angry i treated you bad, you wasted time, you tried too hard you fell for the man who ♪ ♪ broke his own heart whoa oh oh i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i know you want to be my ♪ ♪ wish i never met you i know you want to be the worst thing in my life i know you think you are ♪ ♪ the reason i can't sleep at night i wish i was that
12:35 am
simple i've been like this for my whole life ♪ ♪ i hope someday you will see me as i really am a sad and twisted man i tried to be just what ♪ ♪ you wanted me to be i lied to you, i played the part you fell for the man who ♪ ♪ broke his own heart whoa oh oh i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart
12:36 am
i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i hope someday you will come to see ♪ ♪ i am not the scary monster you have made me out to be i don't blame you for being angry, i treated you bad ♪ ♪ you wasted time, you tried too hard, you fell for the man who broke his own heart whoa oh oh ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪ ♪ i'm the man who broke his own heart i'm the man who broke his own heart ♪
12:37 am
[cheers and applause] this is "nightline." tonight, the war against hazing. an olympic hopeful on an elite college swim team says the upper class men made him fear for his life. just the latest in a recent string of allegations from campuses across america. from channing tatum to mark wahlberg. many of hollywood's leading men were models first. could this guy be the next fresh face to make it big? tonight, one man's journey from a trailer to the runway. and the hard lessons he learned along the way. this job is not as glamorous as it looks. and celebrity split. ben affleck and jennifer garner are divorcing, going public on the day after their tenth anniversary. they met on the


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on