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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 1, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, salma hayek. from "mr. robot", rami malek. and music from atlas genius with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. hi, everybody. my name's jimmy, i'm the host of
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the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i'll tell you something. we have a very good show for you tonight. but before we dive into it, i want to update you on an extremely important controversy i found myself in the middle of. it's probably the most important thing going on in the world right now. if you watched our show last night, you know that i have enraged the world of video gaming. video gamers are mad at me because last week i made comments about youtube gaming, which is a new platform on youtube where people who play video games can watch other people playing video games. i suggested that watching other people play video games is a double waste of time. and it turns out -- [ laughter ] -- i was very wrong. it's a great way to spend time. so we posted this video of me saying this youtube. and we got a lot of angry comments. i ran a bunch of them last night.
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and we posted them to youtube and got a lot more angry comments today. before we read these, i want to say that not all of the comments were angry, some were reasonable, some were nice, but most of them were not. so, for instance, here we go. jimmy, i hope you get aids. please just end your life, you fat, hairy nerd, i bet your kids will end up watching youtube gaming videos instead of you. drink some bleach, you degen f word. thank you for your time, i don't know why everybody thinks i have a cat. for the record, i am allergic to cats. [ applause ] there are a lot. so buckle in. what an ignorant a-hole. just goes to show how narrow-minded this idiot is. i don't know what's more annoying, the words coming out of his mouth or the cheap
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audience laughing at the worst humor ever. now they're attacking you. one says, if you were on life support, i would plug it out and charge my phone. this one is original, at least. this guy says go f a pigeon. i don't know. i'd actually rather watch an individuvideo of someone else f pigeon. this one writes, look at you still packing away more bacon than hormel. you're fat. i'm not going to sugar coat that, because you'd probably eat that, too. i might. this guy dave came at me really hard. jimmy kimmel is really ridiculous, watching someone who thinks he's a good comedian and host. that's, that hits me right here. take easy, dave. you say there's no point in
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watching people playing video games, but yet people watching a spelling bee on espn is okay? let me think about that. yes, that is okay. it is okay. next person says jimmy kimmel, you small-minded bell end. i had to look that up, by the way. it's not nice. what if you can't afford to buy the game, so you have to watch someone else, all right, that does make sense if you want to see what the game is like. it makes sense to watch it. i will give you that. but now they become cryptic and menacing. this is from ham sandwich. you just f-ed with the wrong community. but ham sandwich, how can you become part of a community if you don't leave your house. jimmy, you literally just offended millions of people to make a couple thousand laugh for a few minutes. so many are calling for your head on a platter.
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you're playing a dangerous game. [ laughter ] jimmy just made a terrible situation even worse. i specialize in that. i dare you to start your car in the morning. and this one takes a more subtle approach. this one says die, die, die, die, die. jimmy kimmel, die, die, die, die. 19 more dies after that. you'd think i insulted justin bieber with these kind of tweets. i'm going to let you in on a little secret about me. i like making people mad. after pizza, it's probably my favorite thing. but this, i feel terrible about. last night i was up all night screaming. ask my wife. it was horrible. so i've been approached. and i'm going to sit down with people who care very much about this. i'm going to sit down with gamers and learn what is fun about watching other people play video games and i will make a decision. if i don't like it, i will shut
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down twitch. i will shut down youtube gaming. i have that pourwer. one more word out of you little rats, no one will ever watch people play video games again, you understand? [cheers and applause] i'm fighting with a group made up mostly of 12 year old boys. meanwhile, in other world news, president obama is keeping busy by doing reality television. obama was in alaska today to raise awareness of climate change. and while he was there, he taped an episode of the show "running wild with bear grylls "celebrities eat mice and squirrels and drink bodily fluids. in this one, the president teaches us how to survive alone in the wilderness surrounded by 15 secret service agents disguised as trees. they will trek through the
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forest eating berries, which is nothing unusual, his wife makes him eat them anywhere. remember that clip where president bush was trapped in a room and had to somehow find his way out? [ laughter ] yeah. it took a couple minutes. but he did ultimately find his way out of the room. good-bye. so a lot of people are upset that our president is appearing on a reality show. a little over a year from now, we might have a president who hosted a reality show. so get used to it. you know donald trump? although, for the first time in weeks, donald trump is not alone in the republican field. according to a new poll released by monmouth, university, carson and trump are tied. carly fiorina is in third place with 10%. and jeb bush only has 5%.
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's polling at slightly above the margin of error. so, in fact, things are looking so bleak for jeb bush, he's changing his logo, going from this, jeb, 2016, to this. i'd like it better, actually. i think it's more understated. are you familiar with this ashley madison, the website and all the drama? first the site was hacked, which resulted in millions of customers' names who were on the site looking for affairs being published on the internet. some people lost their marriages over it. and it also revealed, this hack, that there are very few women on the site. gizmodo did an analysis and estimate that only around 12,000 of the 36 million people on the site were real women. they say the rest were either fake or created by automated bots. not unlike a lot of the women here in los angeles. so, ashley madison, they're trying to stay in business. and of course they're refuting
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these claims. this is good. according to an ashley madison spokesperson, this past week alone, hundreds of thousands of new users signed up, including more than 87,000 women. now, if you believe that, i mean, besides the fact that the site got hacked and only a lunatic would sign up with them now, if a woman wants to cheat, she doesn't have to sign up for a website. she can just go into any bar in the world for like four minutes and come out with a man. but in the interest of fairness, i invited a representative from ashley madison to speak about this. and he accepted. first welcome, mark saunders. thank you for doing this, mark. >> hi, jimmy. thank you for giving me the opportunity to clear everything up. >> jimmy: as you know, the hackers and people are saying that the website is 95% men, maybe more and that most of the profiles for the women on the site are fake. >> that couldn't be further from the truth. our website is for people who realize that life is short and they want to have an affair. that idea is just as appealing
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to women as it is to men. >> jimmy: okay, i can assume you understand why that's hard to believe. all the data from the hack shows that you had almost all male clients. >> that data is not accurate. this is a concerted effort by a hacker or small group of hackers to destroy our reputation and our business. >> jimmy: i still don't believe women are signing up for this website. >> women are signing up for it. >> jimmy: do you have any proof of that? because it seems like you're trying to sell people on something -- >> honestly, absolutely we have proof. >> jimmy: well, i'd love to see that proof that you have. >> i mean, there's a woman here who signed up right now. >> jimmy: really? >> really. >> jimmy: well, i think we'd love to talk to her. i would love to talk to her. >> um, yeah. fine. i'll go get her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i bet he never comes back. you know what? there are no women that are signing up, especially now.
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there aren't any women signing up for the ashley madison, oh, my goodness. >> hi, jimmy. i heard that you didn't believe women use ashley madison. i'm here it to tell you that that's just nonsense, my dear. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> can-na. >> jimmy: canna? >> yes, you're really cute. i hope you sign up for ashley madison. >> jimmy: i stand corrected, i guess. it turns out there is a woman part of ashley madison. oh, look at this. >> hi, jimmy, so did you have anything to say or what? >> jimmy: i don't know, i guess i have to say i'm sorry. what happened to your eye? >> when i went back there, there was dust and stuff. i have to go. i actually have a date. >> jimmy: thank you for speaking to us. and what a lovely woman. we are going to take a break. when we come back, we have something big and exclusive.
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when we come back, we will reveal -- this is not a joke -- the starriest of all the stars comparing on the new season of dancing with the stars, ever on the show. trust me, you don't want to miss this. so stick around. we'll be right back. ♪ abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by hp. bend the rules of what's possible with the epic hp x360. with eggs and hashbrowns.op their all-in burger? yeah, on a burger. and don't forget the bacon and onions seared inside fresh ground beef.
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, selma hayak will be here. we scour the globe for the shiniest star out there. today we present the award for excellence in reporting.
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>> you get military training and become -- oh, no! ah! ♪ >> jimmy: that wins. can we see that one more time? >> okay. you get military training and become -- oh, no! >> jimmy: he did go down under. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is also good. this is a close runner-up. we will give an honorable mention to gavin gray for reading everything in the teleprompter whether he was supposed to read it or not. >> he didn't really know the full story of what was going on. all of a sudden five hours later we're not even supposed to be at our destination. we had to deboard the plane. >> pause for effect. now an air guitar champion in finland -- >> jimmy: he's new to
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parenthesis. he just got over there. now it's time for the big scl exclusive announcement. dancing with the star premieres on the 14th. and here we are 13 years. so far, eight of the 13 cast members have been revealed, including chaka khan, bindi irwin, and tonight, i have the distinct honor of revealing the biggest name of all, so, without further ado, please welcome contestant number nine, ladies and gentlemen, mr. gary busey! gary! [cheers and applause] wow! ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, gary.
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>> i am so proud to be here with you announcing this incredible mild changing thing. >> jimmy: and may i say that we are honored that you have been a part of the "dancing with the stars," i know you've been asked many times before. what made you decide to do it this time? >> i didn't have anything else to do. >> jimmy: gary busey! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> listen, listen, everybody. after i dance on "dancing with the stars," please pick up your telephones and vote for me! [cheers and applause] for gary busey! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, gary.
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♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: well, it's going to be a great season, folks. the final four stars will be revealed tomorrow morning on good morning america. tonight on the show, we have music from atlas genius, from "mr. robot" rami malek is here. so stick around. to the battle of the band-ers, and the behind the scenes crew, to the fashion bloggers, ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and the skaters true, be yourself. kohl's we'raxe daily fragrances.his, but what you wouldn't have seen is this,
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>> jimmy: hi, there. how you doin'?
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from the rami malek is here. then, all the way from adelaide their new album is called "inanimate objects," atlas genius from the samsung stage. tomorrow night, amanda peet, bobcat goldthwait. and we'll have music from chris young. and on thursday, andrew garfield, liz gillies, and music from faith no more. so please join us for that. our first guest tonight is an academy award-nominated actress and one of mexico's great gifts to the world, her new animated movie "the prophet." >> oh! sorry! here, let me, you do it. that must hurt so much. >> no, no. i'm fine. really. >> oh, o,o,o,lookatyour painting. it's completely ruined. >> no.
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no. not at all. in fact, it's improved. >> jimmy: "the prophet" is in theaters now. please welcome salma hayek. [cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i will say, the character in the movie, is that physically based on you? it looks a little bit like you. >> it was not supposed to, but the artist that did the study boards are friends, and i think they based it on me and my little daughter. >> jimmy: yeah, i would have done that too. i would have had you posing for weeks and weeks. and your daughter plays one of the voices in the film as well. >> well, not in the american version, but the distributors in
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france asked if she could do the voice of the little girl in france. and i said i don't think so. but i told her anyway, you know, because i thought it was very nice that they asked. and she said what do you mean i'm not doing it? can i please, please, please? and then my husband teamed up with her and they said, well, you know, nobody sees her, and i'm like, okay, you can do it, but we have to find another name. people cannot know that it's u. >> jimmy: a pseudonym. i see. >> so we went and did tests, and she was so good that the tests turned into the session and she candidate whole movie in like an hour, and everybody was going oh, my god, she's brilliant. oh, my god, she's incredible. and immediately, she goes mommy, was i really that good? or are they just saying that? no, no. you were really that good. you finished the movie. but are you being honest with me? you can be honest with me. yes. that extraordinary, like extraordinary.
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yeah, kind of. and she said, okay, well, then i think i deserve the credit. >> jimmy: it's not an actor, she's going to be an agent. wow, she's diabolical. >> no, no, don't go there, but yes, she's quite something. yes, she's quite something. >> jimmy: how many languages are spoken in your home? >> three. >> jimmy: three, what are they? >> english, spanish and french. >> jimmy: what language to you curse at the kids in? >> i try not to curse to the kids. >> jimmy: really? >> but my favorite cursing language would definitely be spanish. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: is that because they have the best curse words in spanish? >> yeah, some of them are kind of just delicious. they're so good when you need to let it out, you know. and they're longer, more
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elaborate. here's some of them are like -- >> jimmy: they're punchy, yeah. >> they're like, da, da, da, you have more time to explode the anger. it's fantastic. i use them as compliments. >> jimmy: you use curse words as compliments? you can use an example. you can say something. most of us won't understand it. >> when someone's amazing, they use this word that is the male of an animal, but a big one. and depends how you say it. the mexicans are laughing. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: what is the animal? >> i'm not going to say, like kind of a goat. >> jimmy: kind of a goat. is it a chupicabra?
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>> it is? it is the male version of the cabra. we invented this word, i'm not -- okay. we are not talking about this subject matter on national television. >> jimmy: you're about to crack under pressure. your name, salma hayek is not a traditional mexican name. it's of lebanese origin. >> yes. >> jimmy: are there more salma? >> yes. in my town, three salma hayek that i know of. because it was my aunt, the original salma hayek. then i became salma hayek.
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and my uncle decided to name my cousin salma, and of course she was hayek. so we were all the salma hayeks in the town. i hear rumors that my aunt, sometimes, she got married and her name was perez. but sometimes for special reservations or something, she would turn to the name salma hayek. and they'd say oh, please, come. and they're like, you're salma hayek? >> jimmy: it's a good way to get someone to use that cabra word you were talking about. >> she put her picture and everybody started calling her, you're fake, you're not really salma hayek.
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she's like, yeah, i'm salma. >> jimmy: somebody's going to have to change their name, really, to settle this. did you ever think about coming up with a different name for professional reasons? >> yeah, when i started in mexico, they had this thing that i debuted to really support the young, the huge actors in mexico has started outage they said we really want you for this, but you have to change your name. and i said, why? it's ugly, and nobody's going to be able to say it. and we can make you very famous, but not with that name. and i go, what's the point of being successful is by the time you're successful, you're not even you anymore. >> jimmy: that does make sense. >> and they said, i'm sorry, but this name is ridiculous, nobody can pronounce it. i said, listen, they can pronounce arnold schwarzenegger. i'm sure salma hayek.
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and he said change the name or nothing. and i said okay. and as i was walking out, he said, you'll never make it with that name. and i said okay, then i'll go. you'll never make it with that name. and i turned around and i said, we'll see about that. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: she kept it. we'll be right back. more data means more freedom to do..whatever. that's why at&t is giving you 50% more data. that's 15 gigs of data for the price of 10. because the more data you have, the better. and right now at at&t get $300 credit for every line you switch when you trade in a smartphone and buy any smartphone on at&t next. kids, juicy fyeah.gum with starburst flavors? (mmm...)
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[cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. salma hayek is here. and it's after midnight as we air. and it is your birthday. happy birthday. what's best gift you ever got for your birthday in your life? >> oh, i've gotten some very good one, very memorable ones. but you know what? one time i got a very special one from antonio banderas when we per ah dough. and i was falling in love with these monkeys, and they were going to take them away. and they were staying with me by now, the monkeys, and they took them away, and i'm like, oh, my children. and i was devastated. and the next day was my birthday, and he gave me this
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big box, and my monkeys came out of t. >> jimmy: he gave you the box full of monkeys? >> my monkeys. and, you know, they lived for a long time very happily. but i have to say, you're not supposed to have a favorite child, but mayriachi was so nic to me. he was kind of in love with me, he wanted to be with me all the time. and course carlena was jealous. that witch was awful to me. she was so possessive. she'd go crazy when we hugging. and so, we had a little bit of a triangle. >> jimmy: a love triangle with monkeys? >> with monkeys, yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know if we can top that, but my own little monkey is bringing you something. and happy birthday. [cheers and applause] ♪ there you go. you're 1 today.
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and if you want to make a wish, go ahead. i hope i don't wind up naked. [ laughter ] >> don't distract me. this is very serious. >> jimmy: okay. i'm sorry. i apologize. [cheers and applause] >> you know the mexicans, we have some other traditions with the cake. >> jimmy: what are they? >> what the tradition which is you get to make a wish. and if you, we're going to start singing all together mordida, and if you smell the flavor of the cake, then were your wish comes true. >> jimmy: i smell it? >> yes. >> jimmy: but it's not my birthday. >> i'm teaching you the mexican tradition so i can share my birthday with you. >> jimmy: is that like a little death?
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>> mordida! >> jimmy: i think it's made out of play dough or something. >> it means bite. >> jimmy: look at that. nothing happens. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: something did happen. i think i have your name in reverse on my forehead right now. we have something else for you. send it down, and, there we go. happy birthday. ♪ we got you a pinata. ♪ >> jimmy: give it a rap. she doesn't know how to do it. guillermo, help her out! ♪ >> jimmy: it's an indestructible pinata. ♪
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[cheers and applause] >> yay! okay! >> jimmy: oh, high god, wait! oh, my god, there are two monkeys in here. okay. we're going to take a break. this is terrible. they're dead. they're dead, everybody. "the prophet" is in theaters now. we'll be back with rami malek. ♪ ♪ bleeding gums? you may think it's a result of brushing too hard. it's not. it's a sign of early gum disease... which you can help reverse by using listerine(r). added to your brushing routine... listerine(r) kills up to 99.9% of germs... and helps reverse early gum disease in just two weeks. listerine(r). power to your mouth™! also try listerine(r) floss...
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(taiko drum beat) (taiko drum beat) ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: our next guest is a terrific actor who stars on my new favorite show. if you haven't seen it yet, catch up quick! the season finale of "mr. robot" airs tomorrow night on usa. please welcome rami malek. ♪ [cheers and applause]
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♪ >> jimmy: let's have a little bit of cake in my beard. i apologize. i am excited to meet you. i really. tonight, david lindleoff told me there's a great show you've got to watch, it's called "mr. robot." i thought it was a joke. because it sounds like a toy your grandma would buy you when you wanted a good toy. "mr. robot", is not a great title for a show. >> when i raead, i was, like, what are you giving me here. >> jimmy: and it's a great show. i was instantly hooked on the show, and you do a fantastic job. a lot of the audience hasn't seen it, and i'm not going to spoil it. i know a lot of people are catching up. since he told me about it, 25 people have brought the show up to me. and now i'm one of these people telling people to watch the show, too.
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>> oh, my man. >> jimmy: are you feeling that kind of enthusiasm from people? >> yeah. the response is pretty crazy. it's altering my life for sure. >> jimmy: i would think so. how did you wind up on the show in the first place? >> well, i went in to read, i read the script, and i was taken aback by how relevant it was and how just good it was. and then i went in to rea execu told me the reason you're here is my girlfriend, she loved you in the show called "the pacific". i said who's your girlfriend, and he said that's emmy rossom. i found out they got engaged. so -- [cheers and applause] not bad. >> jimmy: as a result of you being cast in the show. >> i said you got to lock it down, man. >> jimmy: you're from here in l.a., right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've been acting for a long time. this is your first really big thing. i know you have a twin brother.
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is he an identical twin brother, your brother? >> he's an identical twin. we don't look as much alike as we used to, but yeah, we're identical. >> jimmy: did you ever do the thing where you switched places for ill-gotten gains? evil purposes? >> yeah, we did a lot. we were troublemakers as kids. we did some bad stuff. >> jimmy: give us one bad thing. >> this is good. this could get him in trouble. >> jimmy: perfect. >> he calls me, he goes, calls me kind of in a page, he goes, hey, do you know a greek monologue from a greek tragedy? and i'm like, of course, i've been doing this for four years. and he's like, listen, i need you to come down to my university, i need you to do this for my class. it's going to give me the points i need to get my degree. i'm short on these units. she's offering points if anybody comes in and does this monologue. and i'm like, all right.
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i can do this. i was born, i just went for four years. >> jimmy: you were born to do this. >> so he's like, all right, black shirt, jeans, black shoes, that's what i've got on right now. i suit up. i get over there, i'm running late, run over the hill, park the car in the red. he sees me, like you are come here, you're going to go into this building, he draws me this crude map, walking by financial arksd walk by eduardo, he's going to ask you what's going on. say hi to his kids. >> move on to the lecture hall. this is a lot for me to handle. so i make it to the lecture hall, and she pulls me in the class, she goes hey, are you ready to do theis? and i go, yeah, i'm going to get my points and make this happen. i deliver it and people dig it. and she starts looking at me kind of accuse torly, like where the hell did you come up with
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that? i watched you this whole, the whole year, nothing like that going on, man. so she pulls me out of the class. >> jimmy: oh. >> she says, can you come outside? and she goes, how did you learn how to do that? and i go, oh, it's just a hobby. and then she looks at me, and she's, like, listen, i have a class in about 30 minutes, can you come back and do it for them? and i go, did i get the points that i need to pass the class and get my degree? and she says, yeah, you got the points, i said my car's parked in the red, i got to go. >> jimmy: that your brother over there? that's your brother. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hey, is your brother getting any like girls or anything as a result of your
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stardom? >> i went into a bar the other day, and i swear, girls are like, before, i do all right. now they're looking and they start to say, oh, you know, they used to say he looks kind of unusual. now it's more, hey, that guy's exotic. so he's loving being called exotic too, the other day he hit me up and said hey, when am i going to get some of this "mr. robot" shrapnel? >> jimmy: it's on its way! maybe aly crew cut would be a good idea. get rid of that beard. not a problem. >> he's denying it. he has the brunt of it. he's like, no, it's not me. i have a twin. they're going, screw you. you're lying. >> jimmy: i can't wait for you to see the season finale, have you seen it? >> the season finale is our finest episode.
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it kind of, it answers a lot of wig questi big questions and wraps the entire season up pretty tight. >> jimmy: they picked your show up for the second season even before the second episode aired. you will be nominated for an emmy next year. i guarantee will happen. that's rami malek. "mr. robot." we'll be right back with atlas genius. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. (plays throughout)
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♪ sometimes, at last doesn't happen at first. ♪ ♪ your dad just kissed my mom. ♪ turning two worlds into one takes love. ♪ helping protect that world takes state farm. ♪usic: "another sunny day" by belle and sebastian
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♪ ♪ such a shame it's labeled a "getaway." life should always feel like this. hampton. we go together. always get the lowest price, only when you book direct at >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank salma hayek, rami malek and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, this is their album "inanimate objects" here with the song "molecules," atlas genius! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ we steal the molecules from the dead
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we liberate inanimate objects ♪ ♪ is this a path of will up ahead or are we just destined to get what we get ♪ ♪ true to your face like never before even the mistakes aren't really ♪ ♪ mistakes at all i wanna confess that you own me and we don't ♪ ♪ rest if we're lonely there's innocence in the moment maybe now's ♪ ♪ the time to be alive
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we steal the molecules from the dead we liberate ♪ ♪ inanimate objects is this a sign of will in our head or are we predestined ♪ ♪ to get what we get true to your face like never before even the mistakes ♪ ♪ aren't really mistakes at all i wanna confess that you own me ♪ ♪ and we don't rest if we're lonely there's innocence in the moment ♪
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♪ maybe now's the time to be alive we've been dressed as humans ♪ ♪ we've been kings and homeless still, we're just fragments of a ♪ ♪ great collide a great collide a great collide i wanna confess ♪ ♪ that you own me and we don't rest if we're lonely there's innocence ♪ ♪ in the moment
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maybe now's the time to be alive i wanna confess ♪ ♪ that you own me that you owe me and we don't rest if we're lonely ♪ ♪ we're lonely there's innocence in the moment maybe now's the ♪ ♪ time to be alive maybe now's the time to be alive ♪ [cheers and applause]
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this is "nightline." tonight, meet the pope. from immigration to abortion. nothing's off limits on david muir's exclusive visit with pope francis ahead of his historic trip to america. his surprising message. >> thank you very much. plus, mass migration. they're arriving by the hundreds of thousands. desperate refugees enduring unbelievable hardship. hoping europe holds the answers. tonight we're there for the journey on the search for salvation. and, gone glamping. gwyneth paltrow isn't the only one who


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