tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert NBC January 27, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
s >> stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, that's nice. ( cheers and applause ) hey! feeling it. feelingfeeling it. thanks so much, everybody. thank you, thank you, in here, down there, thank you, you folks
thank you. hey! hey, how are you? thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." i'm stephen colbert. and i love you. ( cheers and applause ) as you know-- there's a lot of love in the room tonight. a lot of love in the room. keep your hankies handy. as you know, i take my job as a late night host very seriously. i come out here and have fun, ha-ha, but i believe it's my duty to look out for every single per which reminds me-- carly, he's not right for you. ( laughter ) dump him and finish your m.f.a. it's your dream. vernon, go with the vinyl fencing. wood rots, and you end up spending just as much replacing it. prince abakutar, your ninth wife is a deceiver. accuse her before the elders as a sorceress. trust me.
share with everybody here tonight, because updated something called the doomsday clock. it's a symbolic clock that gets adjusted every year to reflect how close humanity is to midnight representing the apocalypse. it is the only clock more terrifying than the one that wakes you up every morning. ( laughter ) and yesterday, at the national press club, atomic scientists revealed that humanity stands at three minutes to midnight. yeah, yeah. >> audience: oh! >> s appropriate response. that is tough. a lot of us were hoping we'd gain an hour for doomslight savings time. the whole thi a little bit. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: set the clock back! >> stephen: because three minutes, not good. three minutes only leaves you enough time to brush your teeth
pants before the worldens. now, the end of the world is scary, yes. but i just want to remind everybody that the doomsday clock is just based on tensions between people. and we can all do something to reduce tensions and help move the clock back next year. so everyone here tonight, everybody in the room, everybody at home, i want you to turn to the person next to you, and i want you to do this. i want you to get a shot of this. turn to the person next to you and give them a hug. jon, let's do this thing. it's about love. share a moment. hug each other. that's it, hug it out. hug it out, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) feel that? >> jon: i feel the love. i feel the love. wow. that's beautiful. because we're only here together on this planet for the blink of an eye. and that was beautiful, what you just did. and now that we've made an intimate, human connection. even if we don't affect the doomsday clock, i can move the "late show" orgy clock one
( cheers and applause ) the doomsday clock is at three minute to midnight the orgy clock now stands at two minutes to midnight. so when the doomsday clock hits one minute to midnight, my clock moves to "orgy o'clock," and it is the freak-pocalypse. tune in next year. see how close we get. but even without an orgy, we a pretty good show for you tonight. first-- first, i'll talk to actor chris pine. ( cheers and applause ) wow! yeah! yeah! yeah. inchts of. >> jon: everybody loves chris pine. >> stephen: i gotta say, that was my first reaction, too. he stars in the new movie "the finest hours," which i'd like to think, are 11:30 to 12:30 monday to friday on cbs.
then, from "orange is the new black," i'll be joined by the great actor danielle brooks. ( cheers and applause ) isn't that nice? >> jon: she's the best! >> stephen: as i said, she's in "orange is the new black." she's in the broadway musical "the color purple." next i think she's doing a project with pink and the blue man group. then i'll sit down with columbia university student jonah reider, who runs a restaurant from his college dorm room. they don't take reservations, especially if there's a sock on the door. ( applause ) and, finally, we'll have a performance by brooklyn-based artist baauer. he pioneered a new genre of music called electro-trap. which reminds me, i still have a raccoon in my home's electro-trap. ( band playing )
of jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. they're about to spring the jazz trap, but before they do, one more thing: deloreans are being produced for the first time in 35 years, either that or doc brown finally fixed the flux capacitor. >> tonight, stephen welcomes actor chris pine. from broadway's "the color purple," danielle brooks. dorm room chef jonah reider. and a musical performance by
human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, that's nice. that's very nice. that's very kind of you. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. you know, you give me too much, i will try to do a show for you tonight worthy of the double chant. hey, let me ask you a question. have you guys heard of this guy, bernie sanders? ( cheers and applause ) the vermont senator and man who brushes his hair with a balloon is now ahead in both iowa and new hampshire.
around this fellow. but a lot of people are now asking, since he seems serious, "will bernie sanders be ready on day one?" well, we shall see. we know he's not gonna be ready for the inaugural ball. because last week, senator sanders admitted he's never owned or worn a tuxedo. and from that, i drew the only possible conclusion: bernie sanders could not get a date to prom. so i challenged you to make bernie's prom dreams come true by photoshopping yourself into this prom photo and tweeting it with the hashtag "bernie-promposal." and you guys came through with some great submissions, which who has-- dowch the thing? do you have the cards? thanks very much. s this liz levin, everybody. she's one of our producers. say hi. liz, sit down. this is liz. liz, how are you? how are you? >> i'm good! >> stephen: you're good.
supervising producers here. what are you producing right now? >> twt twilight zone." >> stephen: don't tell people what it is because they won't laugh later. what's the next thing? do you need a meeting with me because you've been on the show before. people have seen it. we've had some meetings here at the desk because you don't have time to meet with me during the day so you come out here and meet with me. >> right. >> stephen: what do i need to know what i need to do next with you? >> we have a lot of stuff to talk to you about, but more pressing right now we have a flight to catch tonight. >> stephen: tonight? >> yes. >> stephen: right now it's 5:20. what time do we have to leave here? >> so, normally, i would lie to you and tell you we have to leave in, like, half an hour, but we absolutely truthfully have to leave at 6:30, or we're in trouble. >> stephen: you normally lie to me. so is 6:30 a lie. >> that's absolutely the truth. >> stephen: that's not going to be easy because the show take a little over an hour 5:20 right now. what happens if we don't make the flight. where are we go?
>> stephen: oh, yeah, that's a place i didn't think i would want to go back to but i want to do this. what happens if we don't make the flight? >> we're going to make the flight. we have to. >> stephen: humor me. obviously, i have never mussed a flight with you. >> no, we have. >> stephen: we have missed flights? >> yes. >> stephen: but we're going to make this one. in a world where teacups dance and monkeys eat meat, if we miss the flight, what happens? >> we'll drive. >> stephen: we'll drive to washington, d.c. that will be fun. >> it will be fun. >> stephen: snowy highway. you can stick around? >> yeah, sure. >> stephen: all right. so i've got your twitter submissions right here. i have liz print out twitter for me every day. it's a h saver. did you go to prom? >> i did go to prom. >> stephen: who did you go with? >> a nice baseball player who is a year old frer dartmouth. i cannot remember his name. >> stephen: in prom, he went to dartmouth. so a college guy took you to
>> no, no, he was a friend of mine's boyfriend's friend. he and i had never met each other so it was sort of like a charity -- >> still a college guy took you to prom. >> that was good. >> stephen: good goodfor you. if i was your dad i would go, "you cannot do that." >> it could not have been more independent. >> stephen: really? >> depressingly innocent, actually. the first "bernie promposal" we have-- do we still have time for this? the first "bernie promposal" is from @piperrobbins. it's her actual prom picture with bernie. seems to be having a good time there. clearly, the night is young, and so is one of them. from @ryanacast there's berny and donald trump. that's nice.
right. because it's the internet there had to be one of bernie sand wers a kitten. here's a wonderful picture from chris b., bernie sanders with godzilla. look at the height difference. godzilla should not have worn heels. did you wear heels to prom giwore flats gr how tall are you? >> i'm 6'2" with no heels on. >> stephen: 6'2". what's your cut off for guys? >> it gets lower every year. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers and appla >> stephen: all right. li this point. >> yeah. >> stephen: here's one from @worldviolets showing bernie with left shark. you know it's left shark, because there's no way bernie could get the support of the right shark.
this is @mattscreative, here's bernie with bernie from "weekend at bernies." just a little too late to benefit from that universal health care. and finally, this is sweet, a real close-up. finally @stumblingstone might my favorite prom posal, this is bernie with me from high school. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. you know why? >> really cute. >> stephen: me from high school having to go with a 72-year-old man. the girls from high school are going with the guys from dartmouth. do you understand? >> i do. >> stephen: liz, i've enjoyed our time together. >> yeah, we have to get moving. >> stephen: we do have to get moving. wow, that-- that-- we department even put this in the timing of the show. >> no, we didn't. no. >> stephen: all right so we're
>> we're going to do something awesome. >> stephen: we shoulding. honestly, do i have time for the rest of the show? should i do the rest of if or go to commercial? should we do the rest of the show? ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. >> stephen: thanks, liz. liz levin, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) we are not going to make that plane. ( laughter ) here's the thing, if bernie doesn't land a prom date, he could still do what the rest of us do and eat his pain because bernie has a nigh ice cream. it was created as a solo project from ben of ben & jerry's fame. i guess ben and jerry broke up. i blame cocoa ono. ben created a limited edition ice cream just for bernie
yearning upon of." which to see mounds like a soft porn promo. you are so beautiful. you have awakened something that has been dead in me for years. i feel like a chrysanthemum is blooming inside of me. ciz me, touch me, but only if you want to. perhaps this emotionally stirring joan baez album will put us in the move. i believe the top 1% have been getting 90% of getting it on. of course, the big question is what flavor is bernie yearning for? >> so the idea of bernie's yearning is that it's essentially mint chocolate chip ice cream, but all the chips have gone up to the top. that's where all the money is.
i've got news for ben. in reality, that 1% generally doesn't have a lot of chocolate in it. ( cheers and applause ) , of course,-- i don't-- i don't make the world. >> jon: hey! >> stephen: i don't make the world. i just describe it! you're in the top 1% now, jon. >> jon: yeah, i'm gettin' it. of course, the problem is this delicious treat is a violation of the well-known ice-cream- equal-time law. legally, ben has to give equal churn time to all the other candidates by making a flavor for each of them. we have bernie's yearning. why not "caramel fiorina?" or "martin o'malomar?" or mike huckabee's "life begins at confection." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) or maybe hillary's "whatever
i'm sure-- i'm sure the public would go for ben carson's "ambien crunch," jeb bush's "double vanilla," and chris christie's "blocky road." ( laughter ) ( applause ) or maybe--. ( cheers and applause ) or how about a delicious pint of donald trump's "make american grape again." which is grape ice cream but for some strange reason is still
ssribiswit andour s s no sharing.st-m ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is known for playing captain james t. kirk. he now stars in "the finest hours," the true story of the greatest small boat rescue in the coast guard's history. >> listen up! i put the sea behind us. just-- just let it push us along
the storm's easing up, boys. so we just look for the lights and the shore to guide us in, even if we have to go so far as the point. so be it. we've just got to find land. it's been one heck of a long day, right, fellas? yeah. it sure has. don't you give up hope on me now. she's a good boat. she'll get us three. >> stephen: please welcome chris pine. ( cheers and applause ) >> i promise there's more action in the film than-- than that. >> stephen: oh, there is so much more action. >> i swear to you.
going to ease my way into this, but not to get straight to the project, but it is an amazing film. >> oh, thank you. >> stephen: i loved it. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: it's-- it's men against nature for his fellow man, an average guy doing his job that he knows well. >> exactly right. >> stephen: that people don't think he can accomplish. >> this is a true story. this took place in 1952, and four coasties went out that night in the -- >> off of chatham, massachusetts. >> off of chatham, massachusetts ( cheer (. we have some fans. during a nor'easter, one of the worst that hit the country in a long time, 70-foot waves, 36-foot boat, wooden boat. they lost their compass. they cracked their windshield. it was frigid temperatures. they saved 32 men off a four-story steel tank they're had split in half. they saved all those men. put them on a boat that was supposed to only beings and brought them all the way back to shore and they only( applause ). >> yeah, exactly right. >> stephen: as you said, true
>> stephen: and the guy you play-- the guy you play, webber, is that his name. >> yeah, bernie, bernie webber. >> stephen: he's a guy who-- he's just an ordinary guy doing his job. >> yeah. >> stephen: called to do an extraordinary thing. that's what i love about this movie is that i love my super hero movies, but this is not a super hero. this is a human-sized hero. >> yeah. i think what appealed to me most about someone like bernie is he's a regular joe. he clocks in like a lot goes and does his job. i happen to go and play make-believe, put makeup on my face and smile occasionally and try to do my thing. and there are men and women across the globe that every day clock in and put their lives on the line. that is what to do. that is what they feel most comfortable doing. it's, i think, a privilege as an entertainer to put those stories to life and to bring it to people's attention that this-- people do, do this, being selfless and doing right and
something that happens, and it should be galorified. ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> stephen: in the movie, did you know when you took the job that you would just be wet the entire time? >> yeah. >> stephen: because there's a couple of scenes where you're in the coast guard station. >> yeah. >> stephen: and then other than that, people are just throwing buckets of water at you the entire time, right? >> i'm an awful script reader that way. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you just read the lines, not the stage directions? >> it took me 40 minutes to read the script. i guess it won't take all that long to shoot. and then it's like -- >> i get to kiss the girl a lot. that's another thing. i think it's a great date movie because there is. there is a lovely romance. this is a true story. >> yes. >> stephen: he was engaged but not married yet when he went out to sea. >> i'm not sure if that-- that may be the fictionalized -- >> it says at the end of the movie that they got married on the date in the movie as stated. it's a little thing.
date that we said. >> huh... >> stephen: so i would just go with everything in the movie is true. >> so -- >> no, but it is. there's a love story going on, even though you're getting slapped around by the waves there's a love story that happens between you -- >> the beautiful love story, different from characters i played before, bernie is a very-- he wears his hereto his sleeve. i think a lot of us go out in this world and we wear a lot of armor to protect ourselveses from getting hurt. >> stephen: and he's very humble, too. >> bernie is an open book, a wide-eyed idealist. he wants to do well, he's a sweet man -- >> i can't think of a captain of a ship less like captain kirk than this guy. because captain kirk would have just been banging a green alien on the front of that boat. somehow-- >> somehow making it happen. >> stephen: i don't think that's going to make it into the final broadcast of this show. by the way. i just want to be careful. >> kirk -- >> what would kirk have done in that situation?
multitasker so-- anyway, stephen, look in this film "the finest hour," there is a lovely story between a man and a woman. i think what really-- it did, what really appealed to me is there is something about this film that harkens back to an era of film make ago it felt like a studio picture from the 50ss. it felt like gary cooper falling in love with doris day. >> stephen: good guy, beautiful girl, man against nature. >> yeah, and it's a man that loves his job, loves his family, wants to do right by both the men on his ship and -- >> giant mechanical shark. >> giant mechanical shark. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'm just trying to get everybody to come to the movie. just everybody. >> yeah. >> stephen: stow disappointing when he does the thing you on the catwalk with him. >> he's getting that dump ling and i'm thinking what's happening? >> stephen: unbelievable. >> unbelievable. >> stephen: really surprised me. and still romantic at the same time. >> absolutely, yeah. >> stephen: one of the things interesting to find out about you is you were kind of a little
you were not mr. handsome blue eyes when you were a child. >> puberty was not, i'm sure-- there you go. >> stephen: we found this. it was not easy to find. ( laughter ) ( applause ) notasy. i don't know who your publicist is who has-- okay, that's me. this is me. this is you. from high school. ( laughter ) i think we could have been friends. >> absolutely we would have been friends. >> stephen: i will point out. mine is in focus, yours, it's like trying to find a picture of big foot. trying to find a picture of you. >> where is waldo. >> stephen: yeah. >> where is the black and white waldo? >> stephen: is it true your fans are called pine nits nuts. >> i have heard this may indeed be the truth, yes, indeed. >> stephen: some of your fans might not mind being called
( applause ) >> is that going to make it into the show? >> stephen: that's going to make it into the show. it was on the thing here, i really wanted to say it. >> it sounded fantastic. great delivery. >> stephen: chris, lovely to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: chris pine, everybody. "the finest hours" is in theaters this friday. so if i wanna go to jersey and check out shotsy tuccerelli's portfolio, what's it to you? or i'm a scottish mason whose assets are made of stone like me heart. papa! you're no son of mine! or perhaps it's time to seize the day. don't just see opportunity, seize it! (applause) jamee his rav4 hybrid then wiss.
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unusual story. >> indeed. >> stephen: let me just recap it here and see if i've got it all right. are you a suant at columbia. what are you studying? >> sociology and economic s. >> stephen: and how old of a human are you? >> i'm 21. >> stephen: 21 years old. >> yeah. >> stephen: and you have a restaurant called pith. >> indeed. >> stephen: called pith, and you run it out of your dorm room. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. and this is-- this is your dorm. that's your kitchen. right there. okay. that's your kitchen. and you produce, you know-- you produce dishes like this for your guests. this is carrot slices against fennel, peppercorn and lemon hashtag dang. hash to go food. how does this start? >> so i don't know. i've been cooking for a long time. as an enjoyable, improzzizational act. and i think-- i did it a lot
plan, which was, you know-- >> stephen: no more salsberg steak for you. >> i was cooking a lot and mostly sharing meals with my friends and roommates. and they were like, "you should let other people sign up for this." and they did. i made an online sign-up sheet, and -- >> right now, there are-- it's over 1,000 people are on waiting list to eat dinner in your dorm room. >> yeah. and those are-- those are 1,000 parties of four. >> stephen: what! so there are 1,000 reservations waiting. >> yeah. >> stephen: to eat in your dorm room. >> which is, like air, lot of years of doing this. ( laughter ). >> stephen: it is, it is. what does the school think of this? >> they have been less than pleased. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you know there's a movie in this about the rebellious young student chef, and the r.a. who is colluding with the president to try to shut you down. >> yeah, i hope. i'd be down to make it.
but then it turns out that the president's wife wants a reservation at your restaurant and it saves the restaurant. >> it's funny, columbia's official magazine hit me up to write an article about it, and then after expressing some of the my sentiments about the university and the relationship, they're like, "we'll hold the article for a little bit." ( laughter ). >> stephen: i understand you brought something. what do we have? >> i would have loved for to you come, but the list is so long i couldn't in good conscience -- >> i'll come, i'll come. do celebrities -- while you're preparing that. don't let me stop you. >> i wanted to bring you some leftovers because-- ( laughter ) that's what you get. ( applause ) >> stephen: i'll take what i can get. i'll take what ilight to make. >> i know, and since-- so this is the first course. >> stephen: okay. very light. do celebrities ever, like, try to pull strings to get, like, a reservation? like you get a call from an assistance saying, "i have kelly ripa on the way to you." >> no.
>> i wish. that would be fun. that would be real fun. i did a pop-up in l.a. that reggie watts came to. >> stephen: that's a cool guest. that looks filo. >> it's a filo dessert filled with honey that's infused with black truffle. >> stephen: what! >> and what you're going it eat with it is a little sorbet i made from pear nectar. >> stephen: pear nectar sorbet. i just got a comil. what do you want to do after you graduate, open a restaurant or something? >> i'd really like to do something like open up a venue or-- yeah, seriously. and then wait. you can't dig in just yet. >> stephen: i'm not digging in. i'm helping, i'm helping. >> i need to put some lime zest on top. because you know i'm prepared. >> stephen: i know, you've got to, you've got to. >> it would be really cool to open up a space ere art and food and music could all intersect. please, please.
it together? >> oh, yeah, definitely. you're not eating very neatly. ( laughter ). >> stephen: okay. yes, i would recommend you open a restaurant. ( laughter ) you're not supposed to yell at the customers. hold on. ( cheers ) that is fantastic. >> i'm so glad thank you. >> stephen: it's delicious. unexpected. >> thanks ( applause ). >> stephen: now, do students ever show up and say, "i have been with some friendsayi in a particular way. would you make us something to eat right now >> i will say that i have a special menu coming up for april 20. but, you know. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: good luck getting a reservation. >> but, no. it's-- you know, all sorts of people come through. a lot of not students as well, actually.