tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC August 24, 2018 11:34pm-12:37am EDT
comedian mark normand, and featuring the legendary roots crew. and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪pp [ cheers anduse ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. lause ]s and a that's what i'm talking about. looking good, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." hi. how you doing? nice to see you. [ cheers and applause ] guys, we made it to the weekend. yeah! cheers and applause ]
it was a crazy week news. everybody's still talking about president trump's russia comments. but in an interview on cbs, trump said that he now holds vladimir putin personally responsible for election interference. yeah. then trump paused and said, "they don't get this show in russia, right?la hter ] he can't see that? okay." [ applause ] trump said he wants to have another meeting with putin. and this time he wants to host putin in washington. then melania was lvee, "he can y room." and he -- [ laughter and applause ] hold on. director of national intelligence dan coats found out during a livinterview that putin might visit. trump said, "next time i'll have my people call your people." and then coats was like, "mr. president, i am your people. i'm the one. [ laughter ] tell me what's going on." [ applause ] did you guys see this? f "time" t issue magazine just came out. and the cover features trump and putin's faces blended together. take a look at this. yeah. [ laughter ]th
when he sa, trump was like, "i've never seen a more beautiful creature like that in my entire life." [ cheers and applause ] and the ver's headline says the summit crisis. but they actually thought about oring a different headline that photo. take a look. it was almost chicken born without feathers on face [ laughter and applause ] "time" magazine? seems odd. >> steve: rude. >> jimmy: and get this. microsoft said it actually caught russia trying to meddle in the midtermlections. microsoft, yeah. the russians knew they were busted when clippy t paperclip popped up and said, "looks like you're trying to hack an election." [ laughter ]u, thank lippy. [ applause ] i heard that trump wants to give air force one a makeover. you can tell he's serious, 'cause today he asked the cast of "queer eye" if th do planes. and he was like -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] guys, i read that more americano families ay having two
kids, which means there aren't as many middle children. yeah. it's all part of the plan to make middle children feel even more left out.ug [ er and applause ] and finally, the u.s. census bureau found that couples often lie about their incomes when women make more than their husbands. in response, jay-z was like, "why's everyone looking at me?" [ laughter ] ys, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheersnd applause ] >> jimmy: ah, that's a good jam. i like that jam. wh -- was that? that sounds like something like cyprus hill would -- >> questlove: it was an easy e song. >> jimmy: it was an .sy e song, he always had good riffs too, man. but it almost sounds like -- can you play it again? ♪
>> jimmy: alec had some good scenes in "mission: impossible" st the audience went nut when he came on. he's great. but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. r in the upcoming film "robin hood." jamie foxx and taron egerton are here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] plus, from the hit netix movie "set it up," zoey deutch is stopping by. and -- [ cheers and applause ] we have stand-up comedy from the very funny mark normand, everybody. it's going to be good. [ cheers and applause ] today today is -- today is friday and that's usually when i catch up on personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return e-mails and of course i send out thank you notes. well i was running bind so -- [ cheers and applause ] can i write out some thank you notes right now for you guys? do[ ou mind? eers and applause ] re the best. hey, james. do you have any thank you note writing music for me, please? ♪ wow. he's in a great -- he's in a great mood. [ light laughter ] >> steve: looking forward to the weekend. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah.
he's mad -- looks like he's mad someone stole his tie. >> steve: no, they shoved it in his pocket. jimmy: yeah. oh, that's right. it's in his pocket. [ light laughter ] here we go. ♪ thank you, "mamma mia", for being an itali name for an america movie based on a a swedish band that's set in greece. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you, vladimir putin's umbrellauy, or as donald trump calls him -- lucky. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, piggy banks and piñatas, for teaching kids that really good thgs happen if you smash animals. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪
thank you, zippers, for using an interlocking mellic tooth technology to keep the most sensitive part of my body safe. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: mamma mia. >> jimmy: yeah, mamma mia's right yeah.ht [ light la ] i'm a button fly dude. >> steve: are you : ally? >> jimah, man. [ light laughter ] no i was thinking that's not levi's? that's not -ar >>: yeah. it was -- ♪ levy's button fly 501 blues ♪ >> jimmy: but i was siing -- ♪ seagram's golden wine coolers this is dry ♪ ♪ golden wine coolers my, , my, my golden wine coolers ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: anyways. bruce willis. >> steve: bruce willis, man. he sang that song. ♪ >> jimmy: what's that now? thlight laughter ] >> steve: he san seagram's golden wine cooler song. >> jimmy: yeah.
[ laughter ] >> steve: he played the harp. th jimmy: what was that? >> steve: he playe harmonica, but he called it a a harp. >> jimmy: that was him playing it? >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. [ light laughter ] it was great. ah.steve: good. called him bruno -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> steve: that was his nickname? no that was his nickname, bruno. >> jimmy: did you ever meet him before? >> steve: oh yea he's hosted a couple times. super nice guy. >> jimmy: that's a great story.h >> steve: oh, >> jimmy: ready? i swear. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you, paper ketchup cups, for supplying me with enough ketchup to enjoy two, three, s.heck, maybe even four fr [ laughter and applause ] g steve: so small. >> jimmy: we're jung to give you like a waft of ketchup. >> steve: just a sampling. t >> jimmy: whatt? >> steve: just a sampling of ketchup. >> jimmy: were just gonna give you a sampling of ketchup. >> steve: you don't want to get
over ketchuped, trust me. >> jimmy: just try it and see if you like it if you like it -- >> steve: you like it you get another paper cup. and the pump is more than the ketchup cup holds. so don't do a full pump. it will overflow. a jimmy: yeah. do like a half likree quarter pump -- >> steve: two quarter pump, seven-eighths -- >> jimmy: seven-eighths type of pump how long have we worked together? >> steve: d say about 19 1/2, 19 and 3/4 years. >> jimmy: did you evlize we have similar voices. [ light laughter ] >> stevei didn't until -- dad? [ laughter ] ♪: >> jimank you, washing the spoon in the sink, for turning my utensil into a super aker. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, everything bagels, for being the only breakfast food that looks like it was dropped under the couch two weeks ago.
[ laughter and applause ] i mean, i'll eat it. ♪ thank you, air conditioners, for challenging my t a constant game of who can be loudest. [ light laughter ] there you go, everyb thank you. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ main menu. oh! ok, robot. press one. i'm sorry, zero is not an option. rep-re-sen-ta-tive! please say the name of your second pet. rok-narr... incorrect. your call is important to us. we'll be with you shortly. oh! ok! good! yes! hello, daniel. can you hold, please? no! please! main menu. calling customer service is the worst. so t-mobile just made it better no bots. no bouncing, real customer service takes real people.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guests are the stars of the highly anticipated film "robin hood" which hits theaters this fall. tonight, we will be showing you the exclusive world premiere of the "robin hood" trailer ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jamie foxx and taron egerton. [ chrs and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. nice to see you, pal. jamie,[ lease -- eers and applause ] >> come on. come on. >> jimmy: hi, jamie. hi, jamie. i guess taron took that seat. yeah. how are you doing, bud everything -- >> it's all good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> the movie isn't cool. >> no, it's fine. it's fine. this is -- usually sit -- it's okay. >> jimmy: no, that's perfect. i just -- i was just -- usually, just jamie's right here. >> yea it's okay. >> jimmy: just little different, yeah. i just try to get -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. now that's too close. you can go there and spread out. chill. >> no, it's all good. it's all good. i like being all the way over here. [ laughter ] >> do you wanna -- do you wanna sit? >> no, no, no. i'm just -- i'm just kidding. >> jimmy: jamie, i -- >> it's racial. >> jimmy: i had you -- [ laughter ] >> right.>> ll the years! man, i was your man back then! i was the -- is is racist, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is not true.'s it not true at all.
oh, my -- oh, my -- you're taking a -- don't take a knee!e ] don't take a knee! that is not -- that is not what we're doing here.>> omebody call kap! somebody call kap! >> jimmy: somebody call -- oh my -- somebody call p. , my gosh. >> okay. i'll -- >> jimmy: i'm happy you're here. i know -- jamie i hear. tell me if it's true. you're doing stand-up again? >> i'm going back on stand-up tour. it's "back on my funny ish." ke sure you come check -- check it out. but make sure you have distance wh you come see me. no, because the jokes are that funny that if you're this close, somebody might die.[ ughter ] and they'll say you'll probably get evidence that i killed. >> jimmy: yeah, it's that good. yeah, you literally kill. yeah. >> no, i'm going back out. and come check it nnt. it's some stuff. >> jimmy: do you remember the first time -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm gonna eck you out. do you remember the first time you did stand-up? how old were you? >> the first time i did and-up i was in school. i was in school, because i was always sort of disruptive. so ms. reeves said -- you know like, third grade.se i won' you to the principal's office, but you got to calm down. i'll let you do stand-up on fridays for the cls.
>> jimmy: wow. >> s but i would watch p. "the tonight show." i'd watch johnny carson. because my house -- in my room was the only tv. so i would watch whatever joke ste allen or franklyn ajaye -- whoever was telling.at >> jimmy: right. >> and then i'd tell at school. because the kids didn't know. they didn't have -- they had no clue. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they didn't know johnny carson. >> but i think i was doing, li, jimmy carter personations. you know. which i went on to do my first -- when i first went on stage, i was like 18, i was the only black dude doing ronald reagan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. and it was crazy [ reagan impression ] "well, well, as a matter of fact." [ laughter ] and i would do him as a crip because it was crips in the -- ] [ laught no, it was a hood club. it was all crips in the thing. "i am cripping, well." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm cripping. oh, gosh. >> if you guys were african-american, this thing would have you laughing on the -- [ laughter ] you'd be like -- >> jimmy: do you remember your first live performce? >> the first i was on stage.
so my mother had a copy of "bambi" on vhs, because i think it was made in like 1 1945 or something. but i --th >> jimmy's when the vhs came out. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. 1945. >> jimmy: 1945. >> but she took me to th cinema to see a sort of re-run of it. and because i knew the songs so well, i walked down the aisle at the point when "drip, drip, drop, little april sho starting playing. and i got on the stage and sang ite people in the cinema. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "bambi" was your debut. >> yeah. "bambi" was my -- >> jimmy: walt disney. that was -- >> it was my debut. >> what was the song? >> "drip drip drop." you don't know that? >> and how did that go? laughter ] ♪ drip drip drop little april showers ♪ [ laughter ] t t was crazy. he can -- listen, when we was working on "robin hood", the boy can absolutely sing. e d i mean like -- >> jimmy: of cou can -- >> no, but really listen. like i try to hold that space, but then i heard this dude inng. i said, who is thiy lane? [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? that's my lane.
anwe were in a church, i think it was croatia, right? >> i think it was, yeah. >> and you started singing something. what was that you were singing? >> i can't remember. i think it was welsh, but i can't remember. and my voice -- just a little, uh -- jimmy: come on -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i got to, i think. >> you got to. taron, taron, taron, taron! [ chanting ] w jimmy: all right, here we go. hego. >> see that wasn't -- >> jimmy: we won't -- >> we might -- this is genuinely unprepared. this was not on thagenda. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, good, i like that. >> so that was a welsh run. and i thinit might have been a bit of "calon lan."'s ot quite as rock and roll as the roots. but -- >> jimmy: give us a taste. ♪ [ singing in welsh
>> that's -- i'm not gonna go -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. thank you. >> hey, hey. >> jimmy: i mean - >> i'm telling you. am i right? >> jimmy: he can do it. that's fantastic. >> thank you. >> because i was looking at the roots. they was like --ht [ la ] ♪ that's great, man. >> jimmy: jamie you killed it on the b.e.t. awards, hosting. as every time i see you host. >> thanks, man. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you do everything as well. a singing, talented guy. but you -- i know that "black panther" won best movie. >> yeah, i like to say "african-american panther." >> jimmy: absolutely, sorry. [ laughter ] >> that's just, you know. that's just me. >> jimmy: that's just you. i understand. >> you know at i'm saying? let's just stay politically correct. o jimmy: understand. but you had a boneck with one -- >> i did. michael b. jordan, who's -- i've a long time and he -- we're about to work together erything. but i had a bone to pick
because of my style was jacked.e acked my style. and i just want -- i want -- i just want photo cred. j my: i mean -- now you think that he -- [ laughter and applause ] >> i just want my photo cred. >> jimmy: i understand. you just want little -- >> i just want my cred.th >> jimmy's all. just want a little respect. that's all. >> just a little respect, man. that's "booty call", man. back in the day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: meremember. i er "booty call." >> that's "booty call." >> jimmy: can we talk about "robin hood"? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: dude, congrats on this. this is a different take on the classic. but how fun is that to play robin hood? >> i mean, yeah. i was the kid who was running around with a little plastic bow and arrow. so to be playing this role is incredibly exciting. especially with, you know, jamie, it's -- >> jimmy: i could imagine the set. sdude, i just want to be with you guys. >> no, it's great. 're so pleased with the movie. it's a really fresh take on the whole thing. it's rock and roll. it's gritty. it's dark. i hope very, very funny as well. and we're super proud of it. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. we have a --an we havxclusive trailer here tonight. jamie foxx and taron egerton. the exclusive world premiere of
the "robin hood" trailer. take a look at this. ♪ >> shoot me. ♪ >> ah, please. >> you have to be a warrior. ♪ >> fast as you can! ♪ >> okay. >> one thing keeps him in power -- the money. we steal it. >> want to hit the treasury itself. >> set up a meeting. everyone is with us. here's the plan. ♪ >> a thousand pounds for the man who brings me hood! >> you're not robin of loxley anymore. you're robin hood. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. "robin hood" will be in theaters this thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] b when we cok, jamie, taron, and i are playing charades. e ick around, everybody. [ cheers and appla
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! we are hanging out with the stars of "robin hood", jamie foxx and taron egerton right there. [ cheers and applause ] we're about to face off in a a game of charades. jamie and taron are a team. my partner tonight is from the netflix movie, "set it up." please everybody!y deutch, [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hugs -- hello. my partner. now, you all know how to play charades. each player gets a turn giving si.nt clues to their teamma 30 seconds on the clock per turn. we'll do four rounds.he thenifth round is a a charades showdown. >> mm! >> jimmy: mm-hmm. both teams give the same clue at the same time. i will go first. you guys can all take your
seats. jamie, you guys --er you and taron here. zoey over there. >> oh, here. >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. what number should i choose? [ audience shouting ] that was weird. why did everyone say four? everyone all yelled four. that was -- [ laughter ] that's never happened. the whole crowd just yelling four.er [ laug [ cheers and applause ] wow, that was -- all right. so you want to go with -- no, i'm just kidding. [ laughter ] okay. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. okay. all right, ready? >>es. tv show. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> three words. first word. the, it, the. the rabbit. [ laughter ] the -- the -- zorro! [ light laughter ] the -- fangs! the -- the -- bite! no! fangs! what's the third? the vampire. thvampire writer. the book the vampire slayer. the vampire --
[ buzzer ] what is it!? [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] >> jimmy: "the vampire diaries." i know "the vampiries." i was trying to do a diary. all right. [ laughter ] >> did you get that? did you get that? >> i was there for quite a a bit -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i he failed miserably. >> jimmy: you want the -- [ sad trombone ] [ laughter ] you like that?li unable you like that. all right. you're up. jamie, you're up. >> i'm up. >> i am sorry. >> jimmy: that was great -- >> what what?should i pick? [ audience shouting ] one. one? >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh. um, hmm. [ laughter ] >> so it's a film. it's a little film. [ laughter ]
it's five words. the first word is little. small? [ light laughter ] the! the. "lord of the rings?" >> jimmy: wow!th >>silence of the lambs." ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow. oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. rub it in. >> just too humble. >> jimmy: you just follow that -- my gosh. "the silence of the lambs." >> just so humble. okay. gu. >> jimmy: i was -- sorry. [ audience shouting ] you got chemistry. get ready? zoey, we got this. >> okay. >> jimmy: come on, we can do this. hmm -- wait, what? >> we got this? >> jimmy: oh, okay.
good. [ laught yeah, i thought it was like -- ue.st i'm like, i don't know what that means. >> we don't got this, apparently. >> here we go.e got this. part -- it's a song. yeah. two words. the first word -- crazy! [ laughter ] "crazy train"! [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i, too, can be humble. >> jimmy: ye taron, are you up? >> oh, i'm ready. oi, yeah. what number am i with? [ audience shouting ] [ cheers ]ok . okay. >> all right. hit it. >> oka >> televion.
four words. first word -- [ light laughter ] dance, ballet. slow music. uh -- tights. >> okay. >> uh -- >> uh -- [ light laughter ] >> first word -- four words. four words. t two times plus two is four. [ laughter ] quattr [ light laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ sad trombone ] >> oh! >> jimmy: can i guess? "dancing with the stars"? >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] t >> jimmy: all rire we go. jamie, you and zoey are going to give the same clue at the same time. okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: this is -- whoever wins this round wins e whole thing, okay? oh, look at this. oh my gosh. oh! i can't do that -- >> jimmy: it's a walk off. >> i'm going to attempt. there we go. >> jimmy: it's a walk off. all righ here we go. what number?
[ audience shouting ] >> every numbe >> jimmy: now you both read it. you both read the clue. here you go. >> oh, man. hell no. [ laughter ] >> okay. you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, we ready? we cano this, champ? >> okay. >> jimmy: go. >> okay, film. >> jimmy: tv show. >> spy -- the spy. >> jimmy: shark -- "sharknado."w >> the spy -- >> jimmy: the book. the pillow. the book the --nd you can't t. the search for something. the look -- the search -- >> i don't know what i'm looking at. >> jimmy: where are -- where's my glasses? second word. >> "finding nemo"! "finding nemo"! [ ding ] us [ cheers and app] ♪ >> jimmy: you guys, the winners n ght there! jamie foxx, taroerton. [ cheers and applause ] zoey deutch is my partner.ta we'ring to zoey after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented actress -- and my charades partner -- who you can see in t hit movie "set it up", which is available now on netflix. plea welcome, zoey deutch, everybody. [ cheers a applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: zoey welcome, now. ank you. >> oh, my god. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: it's been so long since i've seen you. th>> thank you. k you. god, i just did it. i've been slipping into this accent that i'm doing. it's like a midwestern -- [ minnesota accent ] so thank you so much. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. yeah, thank you.pp >> it's ing already. i knew it would happen. yeah. >> jimmy: that's happened? >> what's happened? [ light laughter ] what's happened is that i'm
learning two accents at the same time. one is like a -- it's sort of like if the chicago accent had a baby th like the fargo accent and that baby -- [ light laughter ] and that baby smoked cigarettes for like 20 years. >> jimmy: oh, i got >> and the other accent that i'm learning is like a high he pibaby voice sort of like this. so it's been sort of a -- it's being incorporated into my daily life. which is unfortunate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i'm so happy there's no talking in charades. that's perfect. [ laughter ] perfect. >> i'm not so happy. >> jimmy: i was -- dude, come on. i let you down in that one, n. >> you certainly did not. >> jimmy: well i -- i didn't know diary. i just thought vampire you were just going to get it. and then when you didn't, i'm like, now what do ugdo? [ light er ] >> i feel like there are two types of families. there are game families. and yo a --ously come from you come from a -- the all-time game family. i come from a not game family., >> jimmy: ally? you're not gamers. >> no. because like every single conversation, sentence, story is charades. no one has a memory. i get voicemails -- voicails from my mom that literally sound like --
"hi, holly, leah, maddy, poncho, deuce." [ laughter ] "zoey. hi, zoey.". "okay, hon i'll meet you at the place. at that time with the person. and i'll see you then. bye." >> jimmy: what place are they -- we're going -- where are we going again, honey? >> i'm like, "i don't know. i have no idea what you're talking about." and my sister is the only one with a brain and she fills in the blanks. we call it auto-fill deutch. [ laughter ] i am not auto-fill deutch. as you just witnessed. >> jimmy: no, you were fantastic. im i mean -- >> jimmy: the lastyou were here, it was great. thank you for coming back. >> thanks for having me. od jimmy: and right after our show you got to ine hillary clinton in d.c. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you went right over -- wh was that all about? >> it was really, like one of the great opportunities of my life.fy it was terg, though. how do you sum up the effect of a person who has changed the lives of so many millions of little girls. who, you know, has single handedly held the weight of all the world's misogyny on r shoulders. not only persevered but flourished. t -- i -- yeah. i also right before i went on stage, i looked to my right an there she was. and she was like, "nice pantsuit."
and i was like, "i like yours too." and i -- [ laughter ] and she wasn't wearing a a pantsuit. >> jimmy: she was not wearing a a pantsuit. no. [ laughter ] of all nights. of all nights she wa wearing a pantsuit. no. [ applause ] >> the one damn time. okay, yeah. >> jimmy: what was -- what was vital ices? what was the event? >> it's an amazing organization thatmplifies the voices of female global leaders and -- i also got to speak at -- in cramento. on the anniversary of roe v. wade. and one of the thingd that i learile i was there is how important it is to call your senators if there's an issue that you really believe in. [ cheersnd applause ] >> jimmy: just call your senators? >> call your senator. i know it seems scary.al every time ii feel like, oh, it doesn't matter. my voice is not going to matter. and this call isn't going to tter. but it does. they count every call. they count every message. so if something is really important to you right now, please cl. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh. all right. yep. >> jimmy: congratulations on "set it up." i mean, it's crushing. it got great reviews. i read somewhere it's the number one orinal netflix movie in like, almost
200 countries or something crazy. like, it's giant. it's massive.ha so congrats on it's got to feel good. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ]>> immy: it's a good film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i miss a a good romantic comedy i miss that. >> like, everybody who says taat they've seen it and they like it, it alwayss with, "okay, dude. i don't like rom-coms." >> jimmy: no. i'm the opposite. >> but -- >> jimmy: i love romantic comedies, man. >> but then they say, "but i actually like this one." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. so you're like, thank you, i guess? >> it's like an undergroitd commof people that want to feel. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. makes you feel good. mas you laugh and romantic come on, everyone is romantic. explain the movie for people at who don't know. >> sure. yes. it's about two underpaid overwo trying to set up their respective bosses so that they can have more free time. and it's on netflix right now. it's been on for a month. i think i'm the first person to come on your show and promote a a movie a month late. but i'm very honored >> jimmy: yeah, that's what we do here. [ light laughter ] we do it three months early or a month late. that's how we do it.ed >> i'm hon >> jimmy: thanksgiving or right
now, but it's been out a month. [ laughter ] "tat's the way tonight show" works. >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: we're ahead of time and we're a month behind. it's perfect. yeah. i want to show everyone here -- oh, i love lucy liu too. and here is zoey deutch and lucy liu in "set it up." take a look at this. >> oh, okay. yep. tomorrow morning you have that salon appointment. >> what? what salon appointment? >> the one -- for the bikini wax. >> bikini wax? when did i make that? >> you made that ages ago. just like an annual checkup general upkeep. >> what salon? >> the one you told me to make it at. >> exhale. >> exhale. she gonna clear out the brush -- the bush brush. clear out the bush and the brush. made it smooth as a baby. have a baby. you don't need one. the baby. or the brush. the brush. i have so many calls. >> jimmy: yeah, come on. cheers and applause ] zoey deutch, everybody. zoey deutch!
[ cheers and applause ] my partner. "set it up" is currently on netflix.ht we'll be rack with standup comedy with mark normand, everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a golden opportunity to experience the versatility of utility. ♪ with the highest form of luxury and the highest function of capability, you can be in your element... in any element. experience a range of suvs, perfect for any adventure at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. it'sshop early to save big! and take an extra 15% off! toddler playwear - just $5.95 men's graphic tees - $8.49 bedding sets - $80.74 and cookware - $84.99. plus, get kohl's cash!
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available on itune please welcome the very funny mark normand, everybody! mark! [ cheers and applause ]. ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] >> hey, hey. good to be here. good to be back. i just flew in from the west coast. man, iate flying. you know, they let you pick your seat on a plane. i think i would rather pick the i'm sitting next to, yo know? [ light laughter ] i don't really care where i am on the plane. it's like a onx-hour relaip. make it more like a dating app. [ laughter ] obese nazi with the service dog, swipe left. [ laughter tiny asian lady with a surgical mask, that's my gal. [ laughter ] yes. she is not a talker. right? [ laughter ] sht just like a dating app shows up with a baby. i'm like, i got catfished. [ laughter ] yeah. i'm not good with all talk. you know, two things i can't
do, small talk and eye contact. how sad is that, you know? [ light laughter ] i basically have all the traits of a serial killer, just without the ambition. [ laughter ] i'm working on it, though. i'm working on it. you know. people always say to me, "mark, you have to be more confident." and they say, "mark,yoou have to bself." i'm like, well, you got to pick one. [ laughter ] yeah. so, you know, i drink. [ lauger ] and i went out the other night, i saw a lady cat called. she s none too pleased. yeah, oh yeah. i don't know, i like a strong woman. t i want a womcat call me. cat call us, ladies. that would be hilarious. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, start yelling stuff at us that we don't want to hear. stuff that would scare a guy. you know, you walk past a group of girls at night. one of them is like, " hey, i'll tell you i love you on the first date." [ laughter ] like, "holy hell, that is terrifying." yeah, get us back. you know? u walk past a girl, it's like, "hey, before we have sex, i'm going to poke a hole in the condom." laughter and applause ] "this is a horrible neighborhood. my god! start the car." it's just tough. there's so many beautiful women in the city. my god, you gals. you know how to look good. you have all tlose tricks to hot.
that's how women figured out to take the selfie up here. [ laughter ] r at was all you, ladies. you know where yod sight lines are. [ light laughter ] i think that's why women like tall guys. just some guy looking at you from your best angle 100% of the time. [ laughter and applaus all day long, huh? yeah. that's why you don't mess with sht guys. just some guy like, "geez, look at the triple chin on this broad." [ laughter and applause ] i'm doing okay. i moved in with a lady recently. a got xa. [ laughter ] yeah i love this thing. you know, i just read an article, though. s d alexa actually listens to everything you say, stores in the database that can use it against you later. [ light laughter i was like, "man, just like a a real woman." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah. now i'm nervous around my alexa. a like "hexa, what's the weather out there?" "why don't you ask siri. [ laughter ] oh, boy.
you think i don't know about her, huh? you leave me cooped da in here al then right when you leave the house, she's in your pants." [ laughter ] i don'know. i was a weird kid. i grew up in the '90s. i was a bed wetter. [ light laughter ] yeah. oh yeah. i t the bed everyday until was 13 years old. oh boy. my mattress looked like an old coffee filter, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] oh, man. i ruined a lot of sleepovers, folks. yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah, you start to run out of excuses after a while. your friends are like, "what hawaened here?" like, "geez, i must have spilled a cup of piss." [ laughter and applause ] yeah. yeah. they say a lot of bed wetters become serial killers, which i believe because we learn how to up a stain pretty quick. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. that's how embarrassing it is, wetting the bed. i would rather be known as a a murder wetter, you know?d [ light laughter ] hey, your friend sits on your mattress. "why is it all crinkly?"
"i'm going to kill you." [ laughter ] ah. you grow up fast as a bed wetter. you know, you learn life isn't fair pretty young. you're 7 years old, you're in a a friend's house, you're urine. [ light laughter ] you look at your friends. they're sleeping throughout the night dry. [ laughter ] you know? you got to get up, walk to your ohiend's dark house. "i'm sorry, mrs.on. i wet the bed." she's like, "i knew you were weird." [ laughter ] after you set me up on the couch, the living room, it's like opening up me in the dark. tell me this adult stuff, i didn't even get it, you know. she's like, "i'm not happy about what's going on in my bedroom." like, "hey, you and me both, sister." [ laughter ] she's like, "you want to get a a cup of coffee and cigarette?" i'm like, "look, i'll hang. i probably shouldn't hav liquids at this hour." [ laughter ] but you know, i'm doing all right now. i went to therapy today.i' yeaha big therapy guy, you know? why the stigma with therapy? why?li everybods working out. physical therapy, what's wrong with mental therapy?, everybody's lill, the gym makes me feel sexy. well, you know what else is sexy? not being a walking red flag. [ laughter and applause ]
get some help. nobody cares about your abs if you're the guy having a a meltdo at red lobster. [ laughter ] i think people, they like the gym because there's like a a culture behind it. you're like gym rats. theyave t-shirts that say beast mode, and better sore than sorry.op therapy , we need t-shirts. we need a shirt that says no, dad, nproblem. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. yeah. like can't stop, won't stop crying. [ laughter ] thanks a lot. i'm kevin hart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you hit a home run, buddy. mark normand. [ cheers and applause ] mark normand! for tour dates go to marknormandcomedy.com. we'll be right back, everybody come on. that was great. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: that was fantastic. my thanks to jamie foxx, everybody.rs [ chnd applause ] taron egerton, zoey deutch. [ cheers and applause ] mark normand once again. check out on his podcasts right here. "tuesdays with stories." [ cheers and applause ]et stay tuned formeyers, everybody. thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, andy cohen, msnbc correspondent, jacob soboroff, author, rebecca makkai, featuring the 8g band with nate smith.♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody dointonight? [ cheers and applause ] well, that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. well, move over gettysburg address. [ laughter ] after the president