rd. comcast business. beyond fast. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- claire foy,

mike birbiglia, comedian jourdain fisher, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 971, oregon. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. welcome. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." thank you for being here. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, last night was the

christmas trro lighting in efeller center. you see that? it was beautiful. [ cheers and applause ] and is year's tree has over 50,000 lights. which explains why nbc just told me i can't use a hair drr for the next month. [ laughter and applause ] i was wondering why. but last night was also the christmas tree lighting at the ite house. and president trump gave a a speech, but right at the start, he had saying the word "christmas." [ laughter ] listen to this. [ cheers and applause ] >> merry chrisis, err -- everybody. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? merry -- [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] ike they're playing him in reverse. it's like, "paul is dead." [ laughter ] can we play it aga, one more tive? >> merry chrisis, err -- everybody.er [ laug >> jimmy: yeah. he sounds like your uncle after his third eggnog. it'sike, "it's christmas and you're -- and you're the one that said that --"la [ lighhter ]

trump was like, "forget it, let's go back to 'happy holidays.' that's much easier." [ laughter and applause ]it bu been a busy 24 hours for the president. last night, trump flipped on the christmas tree lights, and c today, michaen flipped on trump. [ light laughter ] that's big news. cohen was one of trump's closest allies, and now he's working with mueller.t i'm ying trump's running out of friends, but today he asked rosie o'donnell if she wanted to get lunch.nd [ laughterpplause ] it's like -- what? no. sed cohen says he's cooperating with mueller bece wants to put family and country first. ump replied, "i totally agree. wait, you're talking about my family, right?" [ laughter and applause ] but this morning though, trump talked to reporters about cohen. and when he refemenced a a do that cohen once signed, he really made to sure to act out what a piece of paper looks like. watch this. >> he talks about a letter that he signed. i don't even remember it. and it specifically talks about this deal. in i think january, he has a a writtestatement. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: reporters are like,

"tv show, three words. [ laughter ] no, twwords? two words." [ cheers and applause ] "sign -- sign the paper. he put a stamp on it and put it in the mail. he mailed it. [ laughter ] and then, he told everybody --" no.ug [ er ] while he called on reporters, trump had an interesting way of using s finger to point at who he wanted to speak next. watch this. >> if cohen is -- s [ peoputing ] >> mr. president? mr. president? >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like he's trying to cast a spell on reporters. like, "fake newsicus. [ laughter ] fake newsicus?ak reallynewsicus." it's like everybody's dad using an ipad for the first time.

it's like, "all right, just -- i just touch it right there. i'm going to select it. here wgo." [ laughter ] well this is very interesting. i saw that starbucks is gockg to start bg adult websites from their wi-fi networks.] [ stray bo [ laughter ] they said there's a time and a a place for that type of behavior, d it's all day at dunkin' donuts. i mean yeah, i guess -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] finally, health officials just announced that it is time to throw away your thanksgierng leftbecause they're not safe to eat. [ audience aws ] so don't even try it, no but as for me -- ♪ ♪ i'm holding out for one more turkey sandwi ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ i'm holding out for one more turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ if eat it i get e. coli if i eat it i will die ♪ ♪ if i enjoy it i'm a happy guyct

will i kill ia if it's fried ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm holding out for one more turkey sandwich ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm holding out fory one more turndwich ♪ >> jimmy: come on, everybody. ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich rkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more s turkdwich turkey sandwich ♪ol ♪ng out for one more turkey sandwich turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich turk sandwich ♪

♪ holding out for one more turkey sandwich ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show tonight. .ive it up for the roo [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, roots. [ light laughter ] >> ste: why? >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that is so much fun. guys, welcome to the show. fore we start, i want to give a quick shout out to the nypd. we had the big rockefeller center christmas tree lighting last night. there were hundreds of thousands of people here.ds the crtretched for blocks. and there was no incidents. aving ady was safe and a good time and getting in the holiday spirit. so, thank you again to the nypd

for doing an incredible job la night. [ cheers and applause ] it's a hard job. we have an amazing show tonigh she stars in two new films, "the girl in the spider'web" and "first man." and she's hosting "saturday " night liis weekend. claire foy is here! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plus, his one-man show, "the new one" is on broadway at the cort theater. mike birbiglia is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] getting rave reviews. he's a good guy. funny guy. >> steve: good dude. >> jimmy: speaking of funny, weg have standup t from jourdain fisher. oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] onight show" debut tonight for him. that's great. guys, we love impressions re at "the tonight show," so we thought it would be fun to see some audience members do their best impressions using the iphone app memoji. 's is time for "audience memojis." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ audience memoji trump edition ♪

>> jimmy: that's right. it is a trump edition. so here's how this works. i'm going to show a video of president trump talking, then our audience members will do their bestmpression of what they just heard into this iphone camera. and the memoji ay will magicarn their face into an animated emoji of president trump. [ laughter ] all right, let's meet our first audience member. come on over here. hey, what's your name? how you doing buddy? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hey. i'm isaiah. >> jimmy: isaiah, where are you from? >> dimton, ohio. >>: dayton, ohio. [ cheers ] all right, good man. that's what i'm talking about. all right. are you ready to give r best trump impersonation? >> yeah, let's do it. >> jimmy: all right. here's your video. one second. >> i mean, we have many people lined up for every, single position. any position, everybody wants hi to work inwhite house. we are a hot country. this is a hot white ho [ light laughter >> jimmy: okay. so the words will be on cue cards there. so, just read the cards. and go aheadhenever you're ready. >> i mean, we have many people lined up for every, single position. this is a hot country. this is a hot white house.

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not bad. that was great. thank you, buddy. ♪ step over there. hey, let's get our next trump impersonator. hi. >> hi. ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? nice to see you. >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: thk you, i'm great. thank you for being here. what is your name? >> stephanie. >> jimmy: stephanie, where are you from? >> i'm from pensacola, florida. >> jimmy: y, pensacola. there you go. we love florida. [ applause ] have you done this impression before? >> no. >> jimmy: all right, perfect. this is great. let's see ur trump video. >> which means lifting the restrictions on oil, on shale, on natural gas and on clean, ve clean coal. >> jimmy: there you go.er [ light laug that's the impression. it's right there on the cue cards. whenever you're ready. >> which means lifting the restrictions on oil, on shale, on natural gas and on clean, very clean coal.im >>: nice. [ cheers and applause ] not bad. ♪ a not bad . that was great. stay over there. w last one, hego. come on over here. hey, how are you doing, buddy? what is your name?

>> raequan. ♪ >> jimmy: raequan? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: raequan, where are you from, raequan? >> houston, texas. >> jimmy the house.exas, in [ cheers and applause ] all right. let's see your video right here. >> which means what? no more oreos. no more oreos. no more oreos. [ laughter ] oh, it's going to be tough getting off oreos. >> jimmy: i don't know what that was based on, but here you go. whenever you're ready. here we go. >> which means, what? no more oreos. no more oreos. no more oreos. [ lauger ] it's going to be tough getting off those oreos. >> jimmy: that's right. there you go. hey, not bad.♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] come on over, guys. give it up for our contestants, on again! [ cheers and applause ] well done.ng you're all gome with prizes, everybody. contestant number one gets a a "tonight show" shirt, you get a "tonight show" hoodie. you get a "the tonight hoodie. there you go. thank you very much, everybody. stick around. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," ev thank you very much.

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♪ >> jimmy: welcode back, ever it is time for "the tonight show" hashtags. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: guys, we do this thing every week where i send out a hashtag. and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. so, because everybody is traveling for the holidays this time oyear, i sent out a a hashtag called #airportfail.yo i askeguys to send us funny or weird things that happened to you at the airport. awithin 30 minutes, it wa a trending topic in the u.s. so, thank you for playing along. [ cheers and applause ] now, i've got to share some of my favorrport fail stories from you guys. here we go. @bomabino.ne is from >> steve: oh. [ light laughter ] my: he says, "i was running late for a connecting flight that was leaving in five minutes. so, i had to race from gate a a to gate g. halfway there i realized someone was yelling out to me, 'run, forrest, run!'" a [ cheers alause ]

>> steve: bomabi. >> jimmy: this one is from @colleenm. she says, "i was fiddling with the side of my plane seat and abbed something i thought was the recliner handle. then i realized i had decided to stretch out behind me.i d grabbed a bare foot." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: this one is fr @deanamadd. she says, "i took an edible while waiting at the airport. ended up missing my flight on purpose because i was too relaxed and wanted to finish hi wa 'the great british bake off.'" [ laughter ] [ applause ] hawaii is not going anywhere. hawaii is not going anywhere. >> steve: oh, wait. a foot. >> jimmy: this one is from @lamars. she says, "my brother and i were at a self-check-in machine when a woman behind us asked for help. after that, everyone thought weo were airport ees. we were there for three hours checking people into toronto. [ applause ]

this one is from @wford22. the says, "i was walking airport to my gate when a a little kid ran past me yelling, 'the poop is coming out.'" [ laughter ] run, forrest, run! [ laughter ] steve: gate number two. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one is from ia @bohen. she says, "a legit clown once sat next to me on a plane. when we made eye contact, he felt the need to assure me that he was a good clown and not a a creepy clown." [ applause ] or is that what a creepy clown would say to trick you in to thinking -- this one's from @danielleita89. she says, "i fell asleep during a long layover and woke up to a a little girl poking me and asking out aloud, 'mommy, is she alive?'" [ laughter and applause ] leave the dead lady alone, sweetheart.

last one is from @katieburndesign. she said, "i once sat nextslo a a man whmed two servings of nachos right after takeoff. later, when the flight hit tu ulence he started yellin 'this isn't going to end well.'" [ laughter ] there thu have it. e are our "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with claire foy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ he's gonna do it! ♪ you gotta see this! ♪ owen's gonna do it! ♪ come on, come on, come on! ♪

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[ cheers and app] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: r first guest won an emmy for her fantastic work on "the crown."e w stars in two new films, "the girl in the spider's web" and "first man" in theaters now. she is also hosting "saturday night live" this weekend with l musiest anderson paak. please welcome, claire foy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ >> jimmy: claire foy. oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] i want to talk to you -- i know. i want to embarrass you a a little bit. come on. it's always fuwhen you come out. but look at this. you're on the cover of "vogue." [ cheers ] >> i know. isn't that crazy? [ applause ] >> jim think that you would be on american "vogue." >> of course not. >> jimmy: come on. but this is -- i mean you're big time. this is a big deal. i >> it's so lovely of them. i'm so, so honored to go on it. but that's not me, really. [ lahter ] >> jimmy: yes, it's you. >> that's a lot of amazing people's work and me underneath it. jimmy: no, but -- what you mean? this is you. are you not good at photo shoots? >> i mean, that one was done by an -- my: all you have to do is look like you. >> incredible photographer. [ light laughter ] no. that was our amazing photographer. >> jimmy: who was the photographer in this >> david sims is his name. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: david sims. >> yeah, his a very, very ever man. >> jimmy: but this is -- have you ever been on "vogue" in

england? >> i have, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you've done this before.fe but -- is it dnt that you're on an american "vogue" or -- >> it's diffdient. because 't have to see it every day at home. >> jimmy: 'cause you live in england. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i understand, yeah. >> so i, sorof, pretended it didn't happen. but there i am. can you put it away? >> jimmy: i will put it away. i like to embarrass you. i'm sorry. i want to talk about "saturday night live" before we get into everything.os you'reng. >> i am. >> jimmy: you're hosting "saturday night live." >> i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how is it going?te are you ex >> i'm so excited. >> jimmy: do you know "saturday night live" from england? >> yeah. we don't have it in en it's not, kind of, broadcast. but i think it's one of those things that is everywhere. eeu know it. you know if it'sa really good sketch 'cause everyone watches it on youtube and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> and -- e >> jimmy: how ryone treating you? is everyone being nice? >> really lovely, like i'm supposed to be there when i just feel like a complete imposter. >> jimmy: no. oh, my gosh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's going to be s eat. i mean, what day? >> i'm so excited. >> jimmy: it's thursday now. so i mean you're in -- locked in there at this point. >> yeah. re jimmy: that's -- oh, yo going to love it. it's the greatest thing ever.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. i though in front of people, right? >> yeah, i've done theater and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i feel like i should be more nervous than i am. i feel like there's something wrong with me.g i am not haveepless nights. i'm just going, "this is fun." but i think on saturdal be like, "this isn't fun anymore." [ laughter ] "this is serious." >> jimmy: we have -- you have two big movies out. s "the girl in tder's web." this is a big, giant movie for you. i know the book series. what -- is that what made you want to do this film? reading the books? >> yeah. be use i had read them when was about 23. >> jimmy: and "the dragon tattoo" is a -- it's the same o tyidea, but different series, right? >> yeah, different writer. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i had never read a a character like that. and i never -- i was, you know, a young woman reading a a character like that, it was qu thing, really.amazing and then i had seen those performances of noomi and rooney. best names ever. noomi and rooney. >> jimmy: noomi and rooney. >> and me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i just thought it was incredible. so, once i, kind of, heard out it and then started really reading the books, i couldn't not do it.

it was one of those things. >> jimmy: how do you explain yo the film to ev? it's action-packed thriller. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are disguised as -- trying to hack the codes, like nuclear codes. >> yeah. s 's a -- lisbeth salander at the center of it and that character, which is really fascinating. i but -- as high. it's just a real thriller. you go into the cinema and then you come out and you go >> jimmy: yes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's what you want when you go to the theater. you want a popcorn movie. it's good. yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then "first man." i told you this last time you came on. but congrats on that. amazing reviews on that. [ cheers and applause ] some awards buzz for you. but it's -- you should -- well-deserved. i i mes great. you and damien chazelle, who is one of my favorite directors. i love that guy. >> he's great. >> jimmy: have you heard from the family at all? the armstrongs? >> yeah, wl, we were in touch the whole time we were shooting. >> jimmy: oh, you were? they were really lovely i would email them every once in a while and say, "did your mom cook you dinners or was it like a microwave meal?" kind of ridiculous questions. td they were always so ki me.

but they -- you know, when you're making a film about real people, mine and ryan's concern was definitely that they were our audience. >> jimmy: were you intimidated to do an american accent? no, you've done it before? >> i've done it before. i've never done it with a a coach. i've always just sort of done it bly. [ laughter ] this time, i was much more, kind of -- i felt, kind of, more confident about it. but you just never -- when you e do an accent, mes, you just let some weird thing come out of your mouth. you don't even know what it is. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's just your mouth makes funny shapes. >> jimmy: you knocked this out of the park. >> oh, god. jimmy: it's fantastic. congratulations on that. [ cheers and applause ] i want to show a clip. here is claire foy in "first n." take a look at this. >> jan, the ship is stable. they're going to be all right. >> he's okay, jan. >> i need you to go home. >> fine. turn the box back on. >> i'll see what i -- >> now. turn the box back on, now. >> there's security protocol. >> well, i don't give a damn. i've got a dozen cameras on my front lawn, deke. do you want me telling them what's going on?

>> jan, you have to trust us. we've got this under control. >> no, you don't. all these protocols and procedures to make it seem like you have it under control. but you're a bunch of boys making models out of balsawood. you don't have anything under control. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] you tell them at's up. yes. oh, man. it's fantastic. >> that was a great one. >> jimmy: i want to let you go. but before you go, i just want to say break a leg on "saturday night live >> thank you. >> jimmy: congrats on "first man," "girl in the spider's web."ll and i just -- you know, i like to just ask, always a a favor if you're on the show. i heard some weird rumor on the internet. >> oh, gosh. never trust the internet. >> jim the internet.ys trust that -- i heard that you know all of the lyrics to "rapper's deght." [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god. there's a drum roll. >> jim you don't have to.o. there's not a drum roll.

>> i don't have to. >> jimmy: you can always say no [ cheers and applause ] claire foy. come on. ♪ >> oh, my god.i when dme in? ♪ ♪ i said a hip-hopie the hi the hippie to the hip hip hop ♪ ♪ you don't stop the rock it to the bang bang ♪ boobie to the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat now what you hear ♪ ♪ is not a test i'm ppin' to the beat me the grove ynd my friends ♪ ♪ are gonna' to move your feet see i am wonder miked and ke to say hello ♪ ♪ to the black to the white the red and the brownnd the purpleellow ♪ ♪ but first i got to bam bang to the boogie♪ >> jimmy: claire foy, everybody. come on. catch her hostin"saturday night live" this weekend. we'll be right back with mike birbiglia. stick around. yes. yes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thk you very much, everybody. guys, be sure to tune in simorrow night. we have a country legend on the show. the one and only dolly parton will be here. [ cheers and applause ] dolly parton! we will be talking to her. and she is going to perform a a song for us. i might even join her for a a duet. who knows? [ cheers ] plus, we have nick kroll and "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] it's a brand-new show tomorrow. you don't want to miss it. stick around. 'll be right back with mike birbiglia, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ♪ i'm on the pill. i'm on the pill. i'm on the pill. i'm on the pill, too.

but it's not birth control. it's truvada for prep®, a once-daily prescription medicine for adults that when taken every day along with using safer sex practices, can help lower my chances of getting hiv through sex. i use condoms. but i talked to my doctor about doing more. he said that because i had a higher chance of getting hiv through sex, truvada for prep could be an option for me. she also told me that truvada alone may not keep me from getting hiv. and it does not prevent other stis or pregnancy. you must be hiv-negative to take truvada for prep. so you need to get tested for hiv immediately before, and at least every 3 months, while taking truvada. i wanted to know about all of my prevention options, so i asked my doctor about truvada for prep. if you think you were exposed to hiv or have flu-like symptoms, tell your doctor right away. they may do more tests to confirm you are still hiv negative. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems, kidney failure, and bone problems, which may lead to fractures. rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take,

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is a a very talented writer and performer. you n currently see him on broadway in his one-man show, "the new one," at the cort thtre through january 20th ladies and gentlemen, please welcome mike birbiglia. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> thank you guys. >> jimmy: are you feeling the love, mike birlwglia? >> is enjoy seeing you. we -- we -- you rememberi brought my daughter here when she was, i think, six months old.sh was -- >> jimmy: uberbaby, yeah. >> a teeny, teeny baby. and now she's three and a half years old. j my: is she three and a a half? >> and your kids are four and five, i think? >> jimmy: that's right. >> and he's the thing i noticed this week. you got to be careful not to get too excited around dr ch. [ light laughter ] well, they big-time you. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> this week -- this week my daughter goes, "i have octopus underwear." and i go, "octopus uerwear?" and she goes, "yeah." [ laughter ] she big-timed me. i was like, "o th, iot gpull it back." >> jimmy: you got to pull it back. got too excited about the topus underwear. [ light laughter ] what, octopus! >> and you were giving me -- i was hitting you up for a a recommendation backstage for an orthopedic doctor. she -- her knees hurt this

week. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so we took her to an orthopedic doctor yesterday. and she's very verbal. and so -- and so they're or like -- do like, "how do your knees feel?" she goes -- she goes, "my knees, the back of my knees s rt. and it's my grandmrthday. and i like chocolate chip ice cream." [ laughter ] and i was like -- i was like, "oh, that's way too many things as the answer." and then i realize, "oh, she doesn't get that you're not just supposed to say everything." >> jimmy: yeah, no- you just >> then i was like, "oh, that's what i do." [ light laughter ] i say -- i say way toouch. and that's why i have these shows. [ laughter ]th >> jimmy's correct. you have -- this one is called "the new one." >> yeah. o >> jimmy: th is at the cort theatre. i gotta say, it's getting rave reviews. congratulations. >> thanks. >> jimmy: this is -- how does it feel to be on cor [ cheers and applause ] >> well, first of all, i haven't seen you there. you know, you're in the rockefelle it's across the street.

it's on 48th street. and i haven't seen you over at the show. i made a map -- [ laughter ] of how far -- where -- how do i get this on the camera? this is how far -- [ laughter and applause ] this is how far away. >> jimmy: yeah.fa >> so, it's no right? >> jimmy: no. where am i again? >> so, you're here. >> jimmy: where are we? [ talking over each otr ] >> you're there. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah >> and then 0.2 miles, right there, is the cort theatre. >> jimmy: oh, man. >> and then it says -- if you se look c, it says, "mostly flat." [ laughter ] mostly flat. so, i don't kn if -- >> jimmy: yeah, i got to make it over there. >> you have an elevation issue. [ laughter ] it should og fine. >>her: should be fine. >> jimmy: yeah. no, i -- >> i'd love to see you there. but -- >> jimmy: would you really love to see me there? not really. >> i would enjoy it, yeah. >> jimmy: no. >> well, you know, old jimmy would have made it there. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] no. there's been many phases of jimmy. you got "snl" jimmy. he would have been there in a a second. >> jimmy: yeah, that's true. >> you got "late nimht" jimmy.

>>: yeah. >> he was all about it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "tonight show" jimmy has changed. [ laughter ] come on in there, let's be honest about -- about "tonight show" jimmy. [ light laughter ]my >> jyeah, yeah, yeah. >> he's changed. he's changed. >> jimmy: totally different person. >> you're on board for "sleepwalk with me." anyou were on board with " god for jokes." you were on board for "my girlfriend's boyfriend." i haven't seen you at "the new one." >> jimmy: i haven't seen any of those shows -- >> jimmy. >> jimmy: at all -- [ laughter ] "sleepwalk with me." yeah, of course. e i'm -- honestly, people saying that this is your best one. >> that's really -- yeah. >> jimmy: and that's a good thing. >> well, i'm proud of it. and i'm -- well, it's funny. i'm right across the street. i'm in -- >> jimmy: i get it. [ laughter and applause ] i promise, i love you. you know, i'm a big fan. s i'm in a -- i'm in -- i come for coffee downsta rockefeller center, every day. 'sm not kidding, before the show. y ritual that i go to this place called blue bottle. i love the coffee. >> jimmy: oh, i like their coffee. >> and a couple weeks was going in every day. and i'm thinking they know that

i'm doing a show across the street. and then one day, this guy who i see every day,e goes, "you heading back to work?" and i'm like, "yeah, heading ." back to wo you know, he knows about the show. and he goes, "where do you work?" [ laughter ] oh. >> jimmy: oh, you don't know. >> well, across the street. there's this show at the cort theatre. he goes, "who wrote it?" [ laughter ] i go, "i wrote it." then he -- no, this gets worse. [ laughter ] this story actually gets worse. it's completely embarrassing. >> jimmy: you have no idea. >> i barely, barely should b telling this on the show. it's too embarrassing. he goes, "who wrote it?" i go, "i wrote it." he goes, "who is in it?" [ laughter ] it gets worse. it gets worse. >> jimmy: one man show. >> it's a one man show.an then i thought, "okay, i'll make this right." i go, "maybe he will like the show." kei go, "hey, maybe you'd the show. i'll -- if you write down in my phone, your number, my assistant will get you tickets." he goes, "i'm not comfortable putting my number in your

phone." [ laughter and applause ] [ fog horn ] i swear to god. [ unintelligible ] >> jimmy: that's pretty bad. >> okay, okay. i'm like -- and i realize i'm the opposite of oprah. i'm like -- literally, i'm like, "look under your chair." he's like, "i'm not comfortable looking under my chair." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's pretty creepy. yeah, you go like, "just give me your phone numb he goes, "i'm cool, man. no problem." how does it feel? owu're doing the show. how long is the >> the show is 90 minutes. eight shows a week. yeah, through january 20th. and then people ask, sometimes as a joke, sometimes it's for real. zach braff tweeted at me last week, "who is your under -- do you have an unrstudy." and i can't -- you know, i don't really have one. but then, i thought, why don't i have a contest? m actually doing this. why don't i have a contest? >> jimmy: you really are doing this? >> yeah, this is real. it's on thenewone.com. it's on my site. you can submit -- it's like -- just like a one-minute monologue from one of my other shows and put it on,now, on your phone, put it on

instagram, #forbigsunderudy. and then, if you win, you get to come out january -- i think, in mid-january -- the show where ira glass introduces you on to the stage before the show. and you do this monoloe. >> jimmy: you could perform on broadway? >> on broadway. it's your broadway debut. and so i thought to kick it off, this is the announcement.ik that i'dyou to audition. would you be open to that? [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: everyone else -- evyone can do it. whoever has internet at home, anyone else can do it. >> no, no, no. no, no, no. i think that -- i brthe cards. [ scattered applause ] right there.oh >> jimmyy. >> i have the lines. this is from "sleepwalk with me." >> jimmy: how do you guys do this? this is mike birbiglia not telling me that we're doing a a bit. [ light laughter ] >> well you know, i'm across the street is the case. >> jimmy: i understand, yeah. [ laughter and alause ] >> they get it. they get it. >> jimmy: i have an elevation problem. all right. >> so here we go. here we go. this is from "sleepwalk with me." it's about a sleepwalking cident many years ago. jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: yeah, because you nthave a sleepwalking inci >> yeah, this is real.

this is real. >> jimmy: i didn't realize. >> i'd like to see your version of it. >> jimmy: where should i -- should i do y over here? h, we'll do a -- can we do a theatrical? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you want to clap me in or anything? >> yeah, yeah. yeah. this is jimmy fallon. jimmy fallon auditioning for the role of mike bbiglia. [ cheersnd applause ] >> jimmy: you -- >> no, no., stt. no, no. it's not an impression. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, just be me? >> it's not an impression. just you. immy: of course. >> it's jimmy fallon doing the words. >> jimmy: all right, good. sorry. all right, here we g [ laughter ] a few years ago, i start walking in my sleep. i was living with my girlfriend.i and this recurring dream that there was a hovering, insect-like jackal in our bedroom.

and i would jump up on our bed and strike a karate pose. [ light laughter ] i had never taken karate. but i had the books from the book fair when i was a kid and i would say, "abby." that was my girlfriend. "there's a jackal in the room." and she got so used to it. she could talk me down while remaing asleep. she would say, "there's no jackal. go to bed." and i would say, "are you sure?" .d she'd say, "yes, micha there's no jackal. go to bed." and i'd say, "okay, okay." and then i would go , knowing there was a jackal. ♪ a [ chee applause ] >> look. no, no. ththink -- >> jimmy: did i gepart? >> i think -- look, there's going to be a lot of people auditioning. [ laughter ] by the way, you got to that in that show. that's the funniest thing i've er seen. >> jimmy: mike birbiglia, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, guys! >> jimmy: check out w,s broadway sthe new one" at the cort theatre.

we'll be right back with stand-up from jourdain fisher, everyby. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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gcheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our nest will be at the d.c. comedy loft january 18th and 19th. maki his late night television debut here on "the tonight show," please welcome the very funny jourdain fisher. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> what's up, new york? hey. ank you. thank you. [ applause ] hey, man. it's getting cold out. i hate the cold, man. i hate the cold because it bothers this metal rod i got put in my le leg after i broke it on my birthday -- [ audience aws ]am by going to a line park. [ light laughter ] i went to a trampoline park on my 24th birthday [ light laughter ] instead of going to a strip club, like a real man. [ light laughter ] broke my darn leg. heu just gotta add that to list of things black people should not do. [ light laughter ] like, we can jump. we just don't need asse. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it was scary after i broke my leg, because they put me on pr cription pain meds. and up until that point, i had never done drugs in my life, because i grew up on d.a.r.e. program. [ cheers a applause ] i'm the one kid it worked on.

[ laughter and applause ] the d.a.r.e. program was effecte, man. because they made us sing a a song every day. a bunch of fifth graders in class lking about -- ♪ d. i won't do drugs a. i'll have an attitudesp r. i will t myself e. i will educate me now ♪ [ cheers and applause ] all the teachers looking at us like, "look at these stupid in head kids sithis goofy song." [ laughter and applause ] y'all gotta relax and watch some 'magic schools,' man." [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] mmedy. comedy is my dru. that's what i'm addicted to. that's why i'm glad we can come together and share laughs, set aaside our differences fo a bit. i think that's how we'll progress in this country, and i think we'll progress in this way. first off, black people, we have to stop blaming white people for our problems.

all right? it's a b big deal for us and white people, got to stop creating so many problems. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know. all we're aski. little bit. i've done my research te people. [ light laughter ] mm-hmm. i have been watching "game of thrones" and this like that. [ laughter ] got all types of potions and elixirs. you know w shows like that exist? "walking dead" and "game of thrones"? because white people ain't got no natural predator. [ laughter ] they don't. they just got to make up stuff. [ laughter ] sitting there like, "what if there re zombies and dragons? ooh! [ lahter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, my word. can you imagine? what would the world be like with problems? oh, just save us, khaleesi." [ laughter ] like "naked and afraid"? it's a white-ass show, bro. [ laughter ] you know how good your life got to be that the only way you can feel fear is go to the woods th our ding-a-ling out?

[ laughter and applause ] black people ain't doing no "naked and afraid." [ light laughter ] y day, utside ev clothed and suspected. this is so fun. [ laughter [ cheers and applause ] willourdain make it past thi routine traffic stop? [ light laughter ] find out this wednesday on "cloed and suspected." set the dvr. lothed and suspected" is coming on. i've actually been hanging out with a lot of white people te because i've been spending a lot of time in harlem. ahem.li t laughter ] you guys are spreading. [ light laughter ] harlem has changed it's a lot different now. even the crackheads are different.ea crac done switched up the merchandise. i was at the barber shop the other day, this crackhearicame in and to sell me a a dragon egg. [ light laughter ] l hee, "hey man, i got these dragon eggs for you." i was like, "dragon eggs?"

"yeah man, there's a whole bag of them. th nice, they clean, they pure, they good quality. you got to buy this stuff." [ laughter ] i was like, "broer, these are avocados." [ laughter ] [ chee and applause ] i was like, "how much are you selling these for, man?" he's like, "50 cents a piece." ai was like, "damn, that' a great deal right there." [ laughter and app huse ] you kn much you can get these for on the white market? you are selling yourself short, my friend. anu draw up a business dea we will take this over. [ laughter ] h.try not to think about that race stuff too m but it does seep into my mind every now and again. i think it's because of where i was raised i was raised in the south. they teach things differently as a young black kid in the south. like i'm from a place called greensboro, north carolina.[ eers and applause ] yeah. and in greensboro, we had a a planetarium. s and i loce. i'm infatuated with it. i love space the way oprah loves bread. [ laughter

i would get geeked. i would get geekede ecause of anetarium. i'd be like, "yo, this is dope. we're going to the planetarium. i can't wait. we get to learn about spac" and they say, "no, jourdain. you're going to learn about slavery." like what? how? and they project stars on to "te screen. and they would say slaves would use the stars as a road map of sorts when they were trying to navigate their way to thnorth. they would sing songs. they'd say --" ♪ when the first quail calls to carry you to freedom follow the drinking gourd ♪ i remembered that song, just in case of emergency. [ laughter ] so, if trump press that button, i'll be out here -- [ humming ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] the north star, demarcus. follow me. i know a place in harlem where we can get some dragon eggs, my friend. [ laughter and appla my name is jourdain fisher. thank you so much. useam on. [ cheers and app] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my goodness.

jourdain fisher, right there. [ cheers and applause ] not bad. sanding ovation, not bad. my thanks to claire foy, mike birbiglia, jourdain fisher, once again.ch rs and applause ] take it in, man. i tain. and the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia, pennsylv [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with hith meyers." thank you for wa. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- michael moore, from "wildlife", writer and director paul dano, featuring the 8g band with jon theodore. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. how are we doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. when asked in an interview, yesterday, if he's always truthful, president trump y,responded, quote, "i do nd i always want to tell the truth.